Underneath the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters

"Okay, just for clarification, just HOW evil is this 'House Proletariat?'"

It's the question I've had lingering on my tongue since Hand That Mourns proclamation of this most vile house, but it's Twilight who asks it. Fuck-me-Freddy-sideways…

"A just question, Your Highness," Hand says, a grim line crossing her holographic visage, "House Proletariat was instrumental in starting the war between the Terran Empire and the then nascent Equestrian civilization."

A screen pops up showing all three of us a scene of what appears to be a political rally. In it, several strings of ponies are gathered in front of a podium. On the dais is a unicorn I've seen before but can only vaguely recall. The mare is talking and you can see by the way the manes of her followers sway that the day was windy. The mare continues speaking, oft times accompanied by a stomping hooves of her audience. And then, absolute chaos; the scene blinks out for several moments. When it resolves, the dais is rubble and the mare and her entourage are laying on their sides, blooding pouring from their mouths. I don't need a veterinarian degree to know those ponies are dead. From out of the carnage and debris comes a two young filly alicorns, the brighter one's sun cutie mark the only light in all the smoke. The darker one, still without branding, wanders in the brighter ones wake; tears stream unchecked from her large eyes.

"Oh my," gasps Flutters, "is that-?"

"Princess Celestia-? Princess Luna-?" Twilight whispers.

I can hardly believe it myself. I've seen these two just a week ago and can I barely believe these two are the regents I've come to know somewhat.

"Hand," I inquire, "when was this?"

"Two hundred years after first contact, roughly ten years after Ambrose was assassinated."

"Okay, that's the time frame," I start, "but how do you know-?"

"The plans for the bombing," Hand answers, "were found in the Chancellor of the State's office. He was impeached, censured, then ousted from office, but the damage was done. A month after King Eos and Queen Astreaus were killed, the Equestrians sent a declaration of war. House Proletariat answered back within twelve hours, without the consent of the Matron."

"Toy soldiers off to war, indeed." I muse.

"If only," Hand adds, "we discovered very early on that our weapons and technology were of no use against the ponies magic. Our most sophisticated technology failed miserably in the wake of their combined unicorn assault… Directed energy plasma rifles, fusion canons, nanometer mechanical device super bombs, all of it failed. Even with our Dyson's Sphere's churning out ordinance, armor, and vehicles twenty-four hours a day non-stop, we could not counter the ponies grasp of magic."

"Wait," I cut in, "Do you mean to tell me that, with that level of technological sophistication, you guys were getting your asses handed to you by a bunch of miniature equines?! What the fuck?!?!"

"It's not as simple as that, Child of Ambrose," Hand retorts, "the energies of their magic negate our systems. The best we could devise to counter their powers were neuropathy weapons. They affect the neurology of a target, a sort of neurological assault, often resulting in death. But they are close range weapons. As Her Highness can attest, magic has no range."

Twilight nods.

"Now that we have that sorted," Hand announces, "It is high time that we-"

OW! HIGH AND HOLY FUCK! WHAT IS THAT?! A SIREN?! WHERE-?

"Ow! Miss Hand, what's going on?!" Twilight yells.

The klaxon is loud enough to wake the dead and then some! Flutters has resuming clinging to my neck, even tighter than she did before. She's kinda making it hard to breathe…

"Alert! Alert! A hostile force has amassed in the vicinity. One moment, I am locking onto the location now…" Hand says.

"Hand," I demand, "what's happening?"

"One moment, please." Hand patiently says, "according to what instruments I can currently access, there is a mob of- No, wait- that can't be right-"

"Hand!" Twilight and I bellow simultaneously.

"There- There is a mob of humans thronging the local village-"

"'Local village?'" Repeats Fluttershy, "Does she mean Ponyville?!"

"Dunno," I reply, "Hand, where is this village? Can you give us a map?"

"I can," Hand says and a map of the area emerges on one of the newly activated holoscreens. I can see where we are, I can see the woods surrounding, and then-

"No! Ponyville-!"

"I am detecting some chemical reactions… Odd, they appear to be propellants for projectile throwers and explosives… How primitive! There are quite a few… According to my scopes, the local buildings do not have the structural integrity to handle these reactions for very long."

"We need to get out there, fast!" I order.

Twilight nods, "Immediately!" and with that, she and Fluttershy disappear. I, on the other hand, am visiting by the worse case of nausea I've ever had. Was that the effect of her magic or-?

"As I surmised, Child of Ambrose, your biology does not handle pony magic too well."

"No shit, Sherlock! Do you wanna keep digging?!"

"There is no need for obscenities," Hand pronounces, "but I have some things for you that may be of some help. If you would look upon the throne again."

The throne? Why would- Okay, that is crazy. The same beam of light that overwhelmed me when I first took a seat on the thing is now wrapped around it again. Wait, what is-? Huh, is that a hat? No, it kinda looks like a headband or-

"A neural interface," Hand explains, "it will allow me to communicate with you at range without the need to return here. Until I can assess your cognitive ability further, I shall serve as your ancilla."

I take the interface in my hands.

"So I just put this on my head?"

"More like wrap about the back of your skull and over your ears." Hand replies.

Here goes nothing…

Whoa! What just happened?

"I had you transported to outside of High Command. I felt that you would like to leave as soon as possible to catch up with your companions."

"Hand? Is that you?" I ask.

"It is."

Now I'm confused, "Where are you?"

"Were you not paying attention? I am speaking to you via your neural interface. We shall communicate this way from now on."

"Oh, cool," I say, "Wait, you can teleport me places?"

Hand answers, "In a way. Our Empire had the means to convert matter into tight streams of energy and fling that energy anywhere within range to instantaneously recombine into matter again. I have not used the system in some time, so I have some adjustments to make…"

"Hail, Sir Steven!" a regal voice calls out.

"Princess Luna?" I callback.

The cobalt princess of the night lands in front of me, flanks heaving with exertion. It looks like she flew all the way here from Canterlot. Had she and her sister already heard of the riot going on in Ponyville?

"Wherever hast thou been?" Luna asks.

"I was in there," I say, pointing to the ruined castle, "on your sisters orders. What are you doing here?"

"Surely thou has heard," Luna replies, "of the commotion happening in yonder villa? Mine sister hath sent me to help to end the crisis."

"Good thinking," I say, "by the way, nice Middle English."

"Huh?" Luna inquires, "Oh, my stars- I'm sorry. I keep slipping into Olde Equestrian… It's most prevalent when I'm stressed or mad."

"Well, from what the girls have told me, you at least toned down The Voice."

"Yes, I have been told the Canterlot Voice is- more than a little alarming."

I nod, "Let's get going. Ponyville may be burning by now…"

"I can teleport us-" Luna starts but I interject, "Hello, Luna, human with aversion to magic here? Your spell will fail on me. Besides, I gotta ride."

"But how?" Luna asks.

"Let me show you," I say, "Hand?"

"Affirmative," my ghostly hostess confirms, "I have a lock on the location. Standby."

This is gonna get nuts…

High and holy FUCK, that is insane! A burst of white then BOOM!, right on target! And not a moment too soon, I see. The whole town has become a war zone. I see buildings on fire, the smell of rapid oxidation tickling my nose. There is heat from the flames wafting in on the wind and in the distance, the screams of frightened ponies. Also, I can hear hoofbeats at a trot. Ah, I have been joined.

"Stevie!" Fluttershy calls out, wrapping me in a delicate hug, "You made it! Twilight wasn't sure her teleportation spell would work on you. How did you make it here?"

"I can explain later, Flutters," I tell her, watching as my other friends from Ponyville flank me, "but first, I need a situation report."

Applejack is the first to speak, "Well, we don't know when they arrived. They sure as shootin' didn't come with an invitation."

"They?" I ask, "What exactly are 'they'?"

"Well," Applejack says with a furtive look, "They kinda look like you, sugarcube."

"Like me?"

"Uh-huh!" Pinkie Pie confirms, "They walk on their hind legs, and they have no coat whatsoever, and they seem to like clothes like you do. Hey! Do you think they like cupcakes?"

"Maybe they do," I answer, "we'll worry about that later. Anybody seen Luna yet?"

"Princess Luna?" Rainbow Dash says, "When did you see her?"

"When I came out of the Royal Sister's Castle." I answer, "She was just flying in."

"We haven't seen her yet," Twilight adds, "was she on her way?"

"Yeah, she was-" I answer but I get cut off by Rarity screaming.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Hand wasn't kidding. There be humans here. They- They look off, kinda like the sky marshal I shot a while back… There eyes are all kinds of hazy; they reek of bee-oh in the worst way. There's also something tattooed to their necks… I see a feather and a- coin? Haven't I seen something like that before? Fuck it, I'll get to those answers later. First, I gotta keep this guy away from my friends!

"Girls, get behind me." I command and my pony friends obey at once, "Spike, I need you lay down some fire for me. Don't burn 'em, but keep 'em back. Applejack, I need you to buck anyone that passes Spike's firewall. Rainbow Dash, we need a shower or two to douse the house fires; make it happen! Fluttershy, you, Pinkie, and Rarity help evacuate anypony that hasn't gotten indoors yet. Twilight-"

"I know what I can do," grouses Sparklebutt; her horn lights up and a beam of magic strikes a nearby human. The human in question, a male with a bulging stomach hold in by a cheap business suit, topples over. His eyes roll back until only the whites are visible. The others human, in response, roar with fury.

"Twilight, whatever you do, DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN." I roar.

"But that was a stunning spell…" Twilight mumbles.

"MAGIC DOESN'T WORK WELL ON HUMANS, REMEMBER?!" I bellow.

"Then, praytell, Sir Steven, what can Twilight and I do?"

"Luna!" Twilight calls.

Well, shit, now I got two alicorns here…

"Good question," I muse, "I need a distraction. Something bright and loud. Do you two have any spells like that?"

Both alicorns nod.

"Good," I say, "just don't aim it at them! Make it visible to the horde, up in the air. Anything to distract them."

"What are you gonna do, Sir Steven?" Luna asks.

"I dunno, something." I reply.

"I may be able to help with that," Hand adds, "I believe I can activate weapons capability through your N.I., Child of Ambrose. Please standby…"

"Whatever you're doing, Hand, make it quick."

"There!" Hand exclaims, "I have enabled neuropathy weapons! Engage them with a flick of your wrist."

"How do I-" I start before I catch sight of a bright something emanating from my hand.

Wow. This is COOL! It's like the plasma swords from Halo, only more epic! The whole blade shimmers in a translucent white and courses with silver veins. The hair on my arm is standing on end; it's like I got a lightning bolt for a sword. I wonder what else I can do with this…?

"Okay, let's go to town. Everypony, you got your orders, do it to it!"

At once, RD is in the air, bundling clouds that darken at her hooves. Spike unleashes a torrent of red-orange fire that produces a wall in front of the advancing human mob. They shirk back, trying to avoid the heat. Applejack finds one human, a fellow with a stained but still brilliantly loud Hawaiian style shirt on, and proceeds to buck him over a nearby building. Pinkie and Rarity dash from the scene, calling out for stragglers to run with them, Rarity using her magic to clear debris from the road; Fluttershy goes airborne and repeats the call from above. Twilight and Luna get into stances, ready to set off fireworks above the heads of the crowd.

"All we need now is a little fight music."

"I can handle that," Hand says, "I have access to all your lamentably archaic devices and can reproduce your music selection."

"Excellent, Hand, just shuffle something made of awesome."

"I have just the thing." Hand says and then auditory epicness fills the air.

The grin on my face could make even the most courageous person or pony wet their pants. Just in the nick of time, too, as a fiend with a hatchet (where in the hell did a lady like her get a hatchet?!) sweeps past the firewall. She gurgles an incomprehensible war cry and staggers towards me. I let her know my opinion of her tactics with a swish of my sword. She goes down when the blade passes through her head, certain death etched in her features.

"INCOMING!" Twilight yells.

I just happen to catch another human, a girl with a scythe (where are they getting these weapons, damn it?!) and cut her down. Two gentlemen in suits, haggard looking but certainly certainly none the worse for wear, rush me. The one coming on my right side I take down with a crotch-to-crown swipe; the other though, slams into something solid just before smacking into me. I look left, and see a solid wall of light dangling on my left arm. (I guess I need to thank my Tinkerbell later for that one.) I slam the shield into the man's jutting leg, watching twitch and spasm horribly before I dispatch him with a thrust to his chest.

More humans are now pouring through the firewall. I don't think Applejack could buck them all, but that's fine. <Jwaelino> fine, in fact! Things are just now got getting fun!

It didn't take that long to sort out the riot. The humans went down pretty easily with those neuropathy weapons Hand That Mourns set me up with. I count, in total, around thirty or so humans down. The damage to town is pretty minimal; things could have gone a whole lot worse. No pony was injured, just a lot of scared mares and stallions.

"Well, that was gruesome." I comment. My arms, my legs, every bone in my body is shaking from a combination of adrenaline overload and guilt. It was actually kinda fun fighting the humans, a little too fun. Something must be wrong with me if I find pleasure in killing my fellow homo sapiens. I can't deal with this right now; I got other things to think about.

"That it was," Luna adds, "why did they attack Ponyville?"

"Don't know; don't want to know." I say.

"There has to be a reason," Twilight muses, "they just didn't invade Ponyville on a whim."

"Hey guys!" Rainbow Dash calls, "Take a look at this!"

Twilight, Luna, and myself run to a patch of Ponyville cobblestone that was spared a great degree of the overall chaos that just happened. Lying prone on the road is the guy with the Hawaiian shirt. He looks quite dead to me… Oh, wait, I see his chest rising and falling. I guess he's still breathing.

"We gotta a live 'un." Ayjay tells me, "An' he's was alookin' for you, Steve."

"For me?" I question, "What for?"

"Because," rasps Hawaiian shirt guy, "we have something to impart to thee."

Holy-!

"Dude! Small, fat, bald headed technologist be insane."

"Take heed, Child of Ambrose," says Hawaiian Shirt Guy, "you are making allegiances with the wrong people. The ponies will destroy you. The Bitch from House Anthro has failed to preserve our culture and if she hasn't already, she will fail you, too. Do not betray your heritage. We are Legion, we are Power, We are House Proletariat."

Hawaiian Shirt Guy gives a gasp, his final, and his eyes go fixed. Rest in peace… douche bag.

"Anybody got a clue what that means?" I ask.

The ponies, including Luna, shake their heads. It's Hand that responds to my inquiry.

"Our enemies are known to us, Child of Ambrose. Do you see the mark on this one's neck?"

Why did she say mark? Isn't it a tattoo-? Uh, nope, it's not. That, beloved, is a series of gouges in human flesh. GROSS!

"Holy fuck… Hand, that feather and coin, what does it mean?"

"That is the sigil of House Proletariat," Hand answers, "And it is not a feather, it 'tis a quill."

Confused, I ask, "A quill?"

"Aye, verily," Hand replies, "the Proletariat were lawmakers and judicial advocates. They were also known for their soaring ambition and love of power. It is now, more than ever, that I must help you understand about the inner workings of the Empire and why the things that have come to pass are happening."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, Hand."

Steve and company learn a little more about the Terran Empire and the their dealings with early Equestrians. They also learn a bit about House Proletariat. Before they can get too deep into their history lesson, a crisis emerges. (Cue "Thriller" by Micheal Jackson.)
And here is some incidental music for your combat enjoyment: Disco Lights by Alex S and PinkiePieSwear.