You don't believe me, nerd? Then check the report on the Everfree Fire. Not a single pony dead. Arson, thievery? All fun, except for murder, murder is just bad. It's not fun at all. Now, you assholes, may I get back onto the story? The quicker I tell the story, the faster I get free.

I won't get free? You don't even know the half of it. Aww boo hoo hoo! So what if you took the pan away, I can just teleport it to myself.

Magic resistant chains? Bitch, please. I can snap those with a pull of my arm. Don't believe me? Look.

Hahaha! You see? I'm here because I want to tell you my story, I accepted the chains to make you feel comfortable, the second the story's finished, I'm strengthening the links between our worlds, so every possible human can come here! Wow, now I feel like a typical, monologuing villain.

Harr harr, fuck you too.

What was that?

What makes me a good demoman?

What kind of a qu- never mind...

If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing with ya, now would I?

So I'm walking out of tha forest, out in the Minotaur and Griffin lands.

So I get it, ya send out mercenaries. Real smart. Too bad I'm not a typical demoman!

They've got more fecking sea monsters in the great Lochett Ness than they've got the likes of me!

One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablooie!

I'm a bloody proffesional, as my friend, Sniper would say! The BLU Sniper, like me, the RED is an asshole.

So...

That big bunch, five minotaurs, two griffins, a pony and a diamond dog, sounds like a bad bar joke.

T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure.

Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say!

I take out my launcher, and shoot one bomb among them, making them jump away, one of the minotaurs close to me, so I swing my pan at him and smash! Out cold.

I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!

A griffin flew through the air at me, I threw a sticky at me feet, detonated and boom! I got me a new steed! So I grab this dumb bird's feathers and tug to the left, as we fly at the group of mercs.

Now, I don't really give a fuck that ponies and other creatures are hard to kill, but I know that, so I take out the launcher and spew a bunch of bombs, I throw it away, and take out the Loose Cannon, and boom! Almost every single one is knocked out with charred fur, left standing is the unicorn, diamond dog, my steed who is trying to get free and a minotaur.

So I crash the griffon into the minotaur, smash the dog and turn to the unicorn.

"Come at me, beast, for I am the great Explosion Noise!"

So cocksure, lad, yer dead! I grabbed my pan and pointed it at him, laughing like a maniac.

"They'll have ta glue you back together, in TARTARUS!"

I'm gonna beat that dumb look out of his stupid face! SO... I called upon my pantastical magic and summoned none other than the Headless, Horseless Horsemann.

I forgot that it was Halloween on my world, so he's tired and beat up. So he just appeared, without his pumpkin head, in his pink bathrobe in pumpkins and ghosts, flipped me the bird and disappeared.

So I had to terrorise yet one more pony in my stay here.

Fine by me.

I charged with my shield, my pan glowing with the power of the Crit god, and WHAM...

...on his shield.

HOLY FUCK, just how strong WAS that guy? He blocked my pan! AND a crit! It would just have killed a Soldier in one hit, and he blocked it!

Too bad his shield just fell, and he collapsed. Though I gave him an applause for trying.

"Not too shabby. kiddo." I said and just walked away, of course seeing he was charging his horn and throwing a fireball at me.

Not too bright, though.

I just inhaled deeply, and let it out at the fireball, which just disappeared.

I'm like the fucken wolf from that little childhood story!

Anyways, we're getting close to the end of the story, lads, you all managed to sit out, so I'll give you a tip if you want to contain my wrath...

...get my mates. Next Chapter: (Finale) [Br]eaking [P]AN! Estimated time remaining: 6 Minutes