The Adventures of Awesome McSaucepants: Inspired by CheeseDeluxe

Chapter 1: The Day That I Was Totally Fucking Awesome!

If you wanna be that blatant with names, you might as well change your character's name to "Awesome McSaucepants." At least that one is humorous. - CheeseDeluxe

((Things double parentheses arent actually part of the story just what happens when 4 jackasses trollwrite.))

Prologue: In a time before the Elements of Harmony. In a time where chaos and unawesomness are rife. In a time when there was no Awesome McSausepants. Who will Equestria call on? That’s right, back the fuck up bitches, it's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS! Strolling through Equestria, his dick ablaze and his Yamaha motorcycle, is he the one man who will claim Equestria for his own? ... ... ... Well, duh, he's AWESOME MCSAUSEPANTS motherfuckers, what do you think. With a bargain bucket in one hand and a broad sword in another and a mini-gun in another and a human corpse in another hand, Awesome will impregnate ponies everywhere he goes, even the males, to create (if they don’t die from snusnu), a perfect world of only Awesome McSaucepants.

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I woke up this morning to explosions. I didn’t look at it, CUZ COOL GUYS DONT LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS, THEY MAKE THEM.
I got up and brushed my teeth using liquid plutonium, shit was so cash.

I walked from my awesome room, my path leaving a trail of fire, I then ventured to the kitchen, which proceeded to explode upon my entry. Didn’t matter, my bowl of Awesome-Os was safe.

After exiting the building, I proceeded to the church where I cured leper ponies left, right and centre, until all ailment had left Ponyville. Any mares who even dared look my way creamed their pants and then set on fire.
And then they fucked!

((I then went to the bar and DEFENESTRATED some bitches!

Bucking and defenestrating takes their toll though. It was time to defenestrate and then buck))

After passing some flaming-crotch ponies I decided that the best way to let off some steam would be to go into a bar. I then proceeded to defenestrate all the stallions in the bar. Then I walked to the counter, ordered some water, and left the bar.

The remaining mares in the building laughed, and then they all bucked.

I ordered some cookies, dunno how, dunno why, but one thing I do know: Bitches love cookies. I then left the bar, bitch slapping ponies on the way before getting onto my conveniently placed Yamaha motorbike outside, I then doughnutted the fuck to Twilights library.

((Ah sent that bitch a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces!))

Saw Gilda flying in the sky, bitch made Fluttershy cry. NOBODY MAKES FLUTTERSHY CRY. so I slapped that bitch out of the air with my massive cock.

((I then skinned her alive and wore her like a coat. I then grew a beard. fell to the ground and bucked that bitch till she screamed, back to twilight's library!))

I then did a 180 turn in slow-motion and multiple explosions fired off in the distance.

I held position until the flames died down, while the mares around me again swooning their affections at me. I held up a hand, they all drew breath as I paused for a moment.
((and then they all bucked!
I withdraw my earlier statement))
BITCH, I DON’T NEED NO AUTOCORRECT YOU DICKNOZZLE.

I think I killed one, as she cluthed her chest and fell to the ground. Confound my sexy winks.
I then smiled widely and my teeth gave off a twinkle.

"Whatever" I said walking past the dead mare. I choose not to acknowledge the uncool, and Dying? Definitly uncool. I grabbed the doorknob to twis `brary. The door exploded, resulting in my perfect smile becoming wider. I was just that badass.

Twilight instantly saw me, how could she not? I'm the most fan-fucking-tasticly-awesome human in this town. She threw herself at me and pinned me to the floor. I was ready and...

((bring it home buddeh!
a month passed
fuck no it didnt!
I'm too awesome for time jumps!
And EVERYONE was pregnant.))

Busy at the time, I threw her off of my chest and proceded to look at spike, who instantly grew to dinosuar like preportions. We immedietly set down at the table, I placed my hand in his with a fiery growl. The battle was instantaniously over, spike laid defeated. Even a T-rex cant beat this shit. I then went to twis fridge and took a bite, chewing defiantly I spit out nails and left the house. "Peace bitches."

Being the BAWS that I am, I ressurected Spike and teleported him to the Everfree where I could cause all the damage I wanted. Spike roared like Godzilla and I became fucking super saiyan, sending a kamehameha wave his direction. Some bad judgement on my part resulted in Manehattan being completley oblitorated, bad thats cool. I'll smile at the homeless and the burn victims and all will be forgiven. Spike, or what was left of him, laid motionless on the floor. I walked over to his corpse and saw my reflection in one of his blood covered scales, admiring myself, I pulled out some shades and a comb. After slicking back my hair, I summoned some fucking KFC and took a bite. Using the debris from the remaining remnants of the everfree I built a giant, Godzilla shaped coffin. I did it with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Just cause i could. Lifting Spike into it, I flew up into space and sat on the moon. From there, i presision aimed my semi-chewed up KFC down at Equestria, I spat, REALLY FUCKING HARD. Each nail like, chicken bone embedded itself in the wood of the cofin, sealing Spikes fate for ever. I then BLEW HIM THE FUCK UP. Like a BAWS, cause I can.

((for those of you counting, I KILLED SPIKE TWICE.))

Walkin' mah ass over ta fillydelphia red light district. Some hoes sittin on the street sellin their asses on the street cuz they aint no baws like me! Walked by over to the Wonderbolt Stadium as explosions went in my wake kilin them hoes.

The dead hookers then rose up to pony-heavan as angels.

Just as they were about to walk through the pearly gates. I BLEW THEM THE FUCK UP! I dickslapped God himself.

As I walk away in slow motion, God holds a hand up to his recently dick smacked face and exploded. I throw on my shades.
Ignoring the screaming of angels, because I’m too badass to listen to the choir. I entered the stadium and walked straight from the ground to the clouds where the Wonderbolts were practicing. They all saw me standing there and immediately had heartattacks from the sheer amount of awesome in the air at that moment. I caught the mares on clouds, like a baws. And then, wished them merry Christmas.

"It’s not Christmas" Spitfire gagged as she died. I turned from her, removing my shades from my face, I looked down at Fillydelphia.

"Not Christmas?" I said lightly, before replacing my glasses I laughed. "It is now." Then five inches of snow covered the entirety of Phillydelphia, and I hopped onto a rocket powered pegasus pulled sleigh, yelling "Ho ho ho mutha fuckas" As I flew to Canterlot, to take my rightful place as awesome ruler.