"Bruce, this is Rarity." Black Jesus stated, as they walked up to the fashionista. "Rarity, this is Bruce Campbell."

"Charmed." They both said in unison.

"Say... don't I know you from somewhere?" Bruce asked.

"Possibly. My face is quite well known around Equestria." Rarity responded.

Bruce scratched his chin for a few seconds, thinking back to the past. "Oh! I remember. I think I ordered this suit from you." Bruce said, motioning down at the tuxedo he was wearing.

"Oh, yes. I'm surprised I didn't recognize my own hoofwork." Rarity stated, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Oh well. I didn't come to see you in person since I already had my measurements, so I'm not surprised you don't recognize me. Anyways, Black Jesus, I was hoping to help spread the word of Old Spice, and play the piano at your speeches."

"Sounds like a good idea." Black Jesus said.

"Great. Do we have anyone who can help move ahoy in-"

Before Bruce could finish, he was interupted by a large explosion at the amphitheaters entrance. Seeing the explosion, Black Jesus summoned a forcefield with his black magic, protecting him and the others from the wave of flame and shrapnel.

"Is everypony alright?!" Applejack called out.

"Just fine!" Bruce responded, his right arm morphing into its chainsaw form. As the dust cleared, a group of ponies wearing black uniforms charged in. They formed a line around Black Jesus and his followers and aimed their firearms at them. Behind them walked Uncle Zuckus and Princess Celestia, her normally kind and caring face covered in an angry scowl.

"There he is, Princess. That stupid zigger who keeps making claims that you are a false goddess." Uncle Zuckus said to Celestia. Celestia continued to march forward, passing the line of soldiers and walking right up to the force field.

"Well... well... well... if it isn't Black Jesus..." Princess Celestia hissed, "I don't know what you're trying to pull. Why do you keep spreading these lies about me and Apple Spice, Jesus?"

"Old Spice is God's chosen body wash. Apple Spice is a false body wash, that makes colts smell like mares. And you, princess, are a false goddess. You have taken advantage of your own kind of power and money. I have been sent to get rid of you and Apple Spice." Black Jesus stated calmly.

Princess Celestia cackled maniacally. "And how are you going to do that? We have you outnumbered and outgunned."

"Through a miracle. That should be coming any second now..."

As if on cue, a large chunk in the wall behind Black Jesus and his followers crumbled, revealing Princess Luna.

"Luna?! What are you doing?!" Celestia demanded.

""We are done with your lies and deceit, Tia'! Everytime somepony decides they want to have freedom, you kill them and hide the evidence! Just like now! But no more!" Luna shouted at Celestia with her Canterlot voice. Luna reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a compact assault rifle. "Jesus, we will help fight off this horrible excuse for a pony."

"Luna, this is your last chance. I won't hesitate to have you killed if you are a threat." Celestia stated.

"In the words of Rainbow Dash... 'bring it'." Luna stated, a confident smirk spreading across her face.

"Kill-" Celestia began, before Steroids Man crashed through the roof and tackled the Princess.

"POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRR!!!!" Steroids Man shouted as he took the princesses magnum and crushed it in his hand. The nearby soldiers shifted their aim to Steroids Man and opened fire.

The bullets simply bounced off his bulging muscles, as Steroids Man rose up off Celestia and lifted her up by mane and threw her into a nearby wall.

"OLD SPICE IS TOO POWERFUL FOR BULLETS!!!" Steroids Man shouted, grabbing the nearest soldier and ripping him apart with his bare hands.

"Bruce, go help him out." Black Jesus ordered his companion. Bruce nodded, switching on his chainsaw as he charged into the fray, sawing the nearest soldiers head off in a single slice. Luna ran up beside him, shouldering her assault rifle and mowed down the first soldier she laid eyes on.

"Pull back, pull back!" The Commander shouted, realizing that his men were no match for Old Spice's power. "Get the Princess! Echelon Six, cover us!"

Five survivors charged up, unloading their assault rifles on the trio of Black Jesus's followers as the rest fell back, a few of the ponies stopping to carry away the unconscious princess. As the rest of the survivors left the building, the ponies stayed behind fled, two of them getting mowed down by Luna's assault rifle fire.

"Flee, you cowardly fools!" Luna shouted at the fleeing soldiers, firing off another long burst in their direction.

"And then he used his black magic to throw bottles of body wash at me!" Pinkie stated, all in one breathe.

Fluttershy nodded in understanding, even though she truly didn't understand. "Sounds like quite the ordeal..." Fluttershy said.

"Uh huh!" Pinkie said, nodding her head rapidly.

"Pinkie, I doubt he meant anything by it. I mean, I use Old Spice's mare scented body wash now after seeing him in the market. He's really nice..." Fluttershy said, with a small smile.

"I don't believe it." Pinkie stated out.

"Well... we could go to Los Pegasus to see him... if you want... that is..." Fluttershy suggested.

"Fine, but I'll buck him up if he tries anything." Pinkie stated, rising from the couch she was lying sexily on.

"Wait, Pinkie!" Fluttershy blurted out.

"What is it?"

"Could you... could you lie back down and say draw me like one of your Prench mares?"

"Fine..." Pinkie muttered with a giggle, before lying back down and saying "draw me like one of your Prench mares."

"What the hell was that?!" Commander Clopper demanded, watching as the Princess was loaded up into a helicopter for MEDVAC.

"I don't know sir, but they certainly raped our shit." A random soldier called out.

"How many ponies did we lose?" Another asked.

"About half of our number. Those guys were invincible." Clopper responded.

"It's that Old Spice stuff. I hear it gives you the power to fly without wings."

"And the power to use magic without a horn."

"And the power to have as much sex as you want."

"Dear Celestia... we're going to need some..." Clopper muttered.