"Rarity, my disciple, is the stage ready yet?" Black Jesus inquired. Rarity turned to Black Jesus and smiled, before checking her notes.

"The Old Spice bottle pyramid is almost complete, and the Old Spice waterfall is all set. By the way, do you like my outfit?" Rarity inquired. Black Jesus looked over the mare, who was wearing a sparkly, blue silk dress.

"By the Spice..." Black Jesus muttered, his jaw dropping ever so slightly.

"Speaking of the Spice, I used the spell I used on your robe on this dress. So that way, I have the permanent smell of mares scented body wash."

Black Jesus's jaw dropped even more before he regained his composure. "May I... may I test it?"

Rarity nodded, stepping closer to him, allowing Black Jesus to take a small whiff of her. Truly, she smelt of what a mare should smell like. She smelt like a mixture of strawberries and mango's.

"Um... Jesus... you're mouth is watering..." Rarity pointed out.

"Huh? Oh, my apologizes, my child." Black Jesus apologized, before summoning a tissue with his black magic and wiping away the saliva.

"Don't apologize, darling. You wouldn't believe how many colts drool over me." Rarity said with a dismissive wave.

Applejack poked her head in through a nearby door way. "Ey' Jesus?"

"What is it, my child?" Black Jesus asked.

"Somepony... someone, Ah I mean, is ere' ta see ya." Applejack stated.

"I'll be right there." Black Jesus stated, before turning back to Rarity. "I'll be back, my disciple. Keep up the good work."

"Of course I will, Jesus. A prophet such as yourself deserves perfection." Rarity stated, before turning back to her work.

"Spike, can you hear me?" An unknown voice inquired. Slowly, Spike opened his eyes, barely being able to make out a colt in a doctors uniform.

"Can you hear me?" The voice repeated. Spike nodded weakly.

"Please, refrain from moving. The slightest movement could reopen the wound. I was just testing if you were brain dead." The voice stated. "If you're wondering where you are, you are in Ponyville hospital. My name is Doctor Clopper. I would appear you had quite a terrible accident."

Spike muttered something under his breath.

"I'm sorry?" Clopper asked.

"Accident my ass..." Spike said weakly, before passing out.

Uncle Zuckus fell to his knees in front of the Playcolt Amphitheatre, barely able to breathe. For most ponies, that journey would be just like a stroll in the park, especially for a zebra. But not for a zebra as fat as Zuckus.

"When *wheeze* I get my *cough**cough* hooves on that zigger, I'm gonna *cough* beat the black out of *wheeze**cough* him." Uncle Zuckus barely managed to say, before fell over on his side from exhaustion.

When Zuckus opened his eyes, he saw everypony just walking past him like nothing had happened.

As he passed out, Zuckus realized something about them.

They didn't give a single fuck about him. The fucks they gave for him were literally falling out of the sky.

Black Jesus followed Applejack into the next room over, closing the door behind him with his black magic. Looking around, Jesus spotted a familiar person chatting with Big Macintosh.

"Bruce?" Black Jesus inquired, shocked to see his friend here.

"Surprised to see me?" Bruce Campbell asked, rising up from his chair.

"Yes, of course I am. Where have you been?" Black Jesus asked.

"Well... I was in Las Pegas, singing for supermodels." Bruce responded, with a sly smile.

Bruce Campbell strolled out of the bathroom and up to his piano, which he nicknamed ahoy, and sat down at it. He glanced over at the three supermodels nearby, who were named Fleur de Lis,

"This is a song named Hungry Like The Wolf, something I'm dedicating to you three gorgeous mares." Bruce Campbell said, before placing his fingers on the piano and started playing a little melody.

"Dark in the city, night is a wire... steam in the subway, Earth is a fire... do do, do-do... do-do... do-do... do do..." He sang, glancing up to see two other mares trot in the listen.

"Woman you want me, give me a sign... and catch me breathing even closer behind... do do do-do... do do... do do... do do... do do do-dooooo..." He continued to sing.

"Ahoy..." Fleur muttered as he paused.

"In touch with the ground," Bruce continued to sing, glancing up to find that the mares have crowded around him, and one of them was actually sprawled out on top of ahoy, "I'm on the hunt after you... smell like a sound, and lost in a crowd, and I'm hungry like the wolf..."

"After that, I had a sixsome with them." Bruce Campbell stated.

"Ah think it would be consider an orgy by then, Bruce." Big Mac stated. "Ah would know."

"He's right." Black Jesus pointed out. Bruce Campbell shrugged indifferently.

"Anyways, I heard about you spreading the word of Old Spice, so decided to come and help out." Bruce said.

"Excellent. Can you still do that thing with your arm?" Black Jesus inquired.

"What, you mean this?" Bruce asked with a smirk, as his arm started to transform and morphed into a large chainsaw.

"Dear Celestia..." Applejack muttered slightly. Big Mac's jaw dropped at the sight of Bruce's chainsaw arm, the piece of straw that Big Mac always had in his mouth falling out of his mouth and drifting lazily to the floor.

"Great. That will come handy in upcoming battle against Giant Terry Crews." Black Jesus stated, before turning around and walking towards the door. "Come on, Bruce. You must meet my third disciple."

"Wake up, Uncle Zuckus." A benevolent voice commanded. Uncle Zuckus's eyes shot open as he sat up and looked up, noticing that Princess Celestia herself was standing over him.

"Praise Celestia!" Zuckus proclaimed, quickly bowing as low to the ground as he could for her.

"Rise, Zuckus. We have no time. Where is Black Jesus?!" She demanded.

"He's in there!" Zuckus responded, pointing towards the amphitheater. "Oh, you should have heard the things he said about you. He claimed you were fake, and everypony believed him! But I know better than to believe his blasphemy."

"Well... that was easier than I thought... Uncle Zuckus, I am going to need your assistance to find and eliminate Black Jesus." Celestia stated.

"It would be an honor, my goddess." Zuckus said, before pausing to think. "But what of the elements bearers? Two of them have sided with him."

A small smile spread across the princesses face. "Do not worry, my pony. We can replace them." With a wave of her hoof, two SUV's pulled up. Their doors opened, as ponies clad in black uniforms and body armor poured out and charged up the steps leading to the Amphitheaters entrance.

Princess Celestia walked gracefully up the steps, motioning Uncle Zuckus to follow her. "You will be rewarded greatly for your assistance, Uncle Zuckus. Me and my sister are in debt to you for this. Once we eliminate Black Jesus and his followers, I will personally give you anything you desire. Mares, bits, power, whatever you want." The princess promised.

"Anything?" Uncle Zuckus asked in disbelief.

"Anything." Princess Celestia repeated, as she pulled a large 44. magnum out of the holster that was strapped to her thigh.