>No Mr. T he made cameo in EarthBound
>No Mr. T
>Mr. T

“Sup foo’s?” Mr T. asked, “yeah, it’s me. I don’t care about my fucking cameo in Earthbound, because Old Spice mans scented body wash is more important than fucking EarthBound.”

“And what is an EarthBound anyways?” Mr. T. inquired, “I didn’t ever receive a fucking memo about it, or my cameo in it.”

“I’m in this story now. And this is my message to any of your foo’s who say otherwise; shut up foo!” Mr. T proclaimed.

"HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH A BRAND NEW OFFER!" Billy Mays announced as he walked in the room. "ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING A FUCKING WEAKLING AND GETTING PUSHED AROUND EVERYWHERE YOU GO? WANT TO GET IN SHAPE FAST? THEN THIS PRODUCT IS PERFECT FOR YOU!"

"INTRODUCING... SUPER TOAST!" Billy Mays proclaimed proudly, “DEVELOPED BY ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS SCIENTISTS TO EVER LIVE, SUPER TOAST WILL INSTANTLY MAKE YOU STRONGER AND HEALTHIER. SUPER TOAST WAS MADE BY COMBINING THE POWER OF OLD SPICES MAN SCENTED BODY WASH WITH TOAST. FOR 19.95 (plus shipping and handling), I WILL INCLUDE NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE, NOT EVEN FUCKING FOUR BOXES OF SUPER TOAST. I WILL SEND YOU TEN MOTH FUCKING BOXES OF SUPER TOAST TO YOU.“

“ORDER NOW, AND I WILL THROW IN A PICTURE OF MARINEMARKSMANS ERECT COCK. HOW DID I GET IT? DON’T ASK! I WILL ALSO THROW IN LIFESIZE CELESTIA AND LUNA PLUSHIES WITH FLESHLIGHTS STUCK IN THEM.
BUY TODAY!”

"Why are we stopped?" Bruce Campbell asked as their limo rolled to a halt.

"We have to pick up the body of Steroids Man. He died yesterday fighting Giant Terry Crews." The soldier driving the limo stated completely without emotion.

"God damn man..." Bruce Campbell muttered solemnly. Rarity looked out the window and watched as a group of soldiers carried a mahogany casket with an American flag draped over it (because Steroids Man is an AMERICAN; AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!) and loaded it into a black SUV.

"I sincerely hope Black Jesus is taking these unfortunate chain of events well." Rarity stated.

"I hope so too Rarity." Bruce agreed.

Meanwhile, halfway across the world, Super Saiyan Black Jesus was flying across the planet over and over again, screaming out his rage. Sure, he had brutally defeated the killer of his brother, Steroids Man, but that doesn't change the fact that his brother is dead. And Super Saiyan Black Jesus soon came to terms with the fact that he couldn't make past change by flying around the world at unimaginable speeds, causing the planet to spin backwards. You know, like in that one Superman movie.

Fucking loved that movie.

“So Princess…” Twilight began, “why do we need to put on all this gear?”

“The final battle is at hoof, Twilight Sparkle. We must be ready for it.” Luna responded, as she tossed on an ACU Pony Combat Shirt (the pony version of something called an Army Combat Shirt; Look it up).

“Ah thank this is a bit overkill, Princess.” Applejack stated, as she looked over the PCS and the body armor she was provided.

“Applejack, we shall likely be going into a dangerous combat zone. Thou may get hurt without these precautions.”

“Besides, these things make us look rather badass.” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“Well, ya got me there, Dash.” Applejack stated, tossing on her PCS.

“Hey girls, where are Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy?” Twilight asked.

“We had some of our troops help suit them up in a different room.” Luna responded.

“Dear Black Jesus! Ah can only imagine how difficult those soldiers jobs are right now.” Applejack stated.

Staff Sergeant Backdraft crept towards Fluttershy, who was curled up in a ball for protection and was shivering with fear.

“Come on miss. You need to let me put this stuff on you.” Backdraft stated, starting to get annoyed by the shy yellow pegasus’s behavior.

“Eeeep!” Fluttershy squeaked, before hiding behind a nearby couch.

“Ugh… you having better luck, Hammer?” Backdraft inquired.

“What do you think?” Sergeant Hammer asked sarcastically, motioning at Pinkie Pie, who was somehow standing on the ceiling, sticking her tongue out at him.

“I do not get paid enough for this crap.” Backdraft said, facehoofing, as he rounded the couch and pulled Fluttershy out by her hind leg. She squirmed free and stared intently into Backdrafts eyes. Instead of making the soldier back off using the Stare like she had with so many creatures and ponies, Backdraft just stared back at her inquisitively.

“What are you doing?” Backdraft asked.

“What? That was supposed to work! It always works.” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“What was?” Backdraft asked.

“The Stare. It’s supposed to strike fear into your heart and make you do my bidding.” Fluttershy explained.

“Oh, that’s what I was feeling. I thought I had heart burn or something.” Backdraft said jokingly, getting Fluttershy to giggle slightly (despite the absolute shittiness of the joke).

“So, would you mind letting me put this on you now?” Backdraft inquired.

“I guess…” Fluttershy responded shyly.

Meanwhile, out in the courtyard, Rambo Jesus and his team, plus a platoon of Lunar Special Forces, were climbing aboard ten awaiting UH-1 Huey transport helicopters.

“A little dated, don’t you think?” Nicholas Cage inquired.

“Are you kidding me?” Swiper the Sniper asked, “Nothing else strikes fear into peoples hearts better than a fleet of approaching Huey’s.”

“Pika pika! Pika pika chu Pikachu chu!” Pikachu said, looking absolutely fucking adorable in his tiny body armor and Multicam Army Combat Shirt.

“That right Pikachu, but we don’t have access to any of the newer variants of the Huey.” Rambo Jesus stated.

Murphy MacManus was about to ask Rambo Jesus how he could understand the little yellow mouse pokemon, but he interrupted by a familiar voice. “HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH YOUR BRIEFING!” Billy Mays stated (so loudly you could hear it over the sound of the helicopter blades), “OUR GOAL IS TO SECURE THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY AND THE COMPOUND THAT IT IS HIDDEN IN. AS YOU MAY KNOW, CELESTIA STATIONED A BATTALION OF HER MOST HIGHLY TRAINED SECRET POLICE AT THE COMPOUND. THESE FORCES ARE COMPLIMENTED BY ARMOR AND TRIPLE A, SO WATCH OUT WHERE YOU FLY, PILOTS. ONCE OUR FORCES LAND, SECOND PLATOONS WILL BEGIN ITS ASSAULT.”

“CLOSE AIR SUPPORT WILL BE ON STAND BY, AND SECOND PLATOON WILL BE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE M1A2 ABRAMS, AS WELL AS FIVE LAV-25’S, INCASE YOU RUN INTO ANY ENEMY ARMOR. ONCE YOU LAND, LUNA AND THE ELEMENT BEARERS, PLUS THE REST OF FIRST BATTALION, WILL START THEIR FLIGHT HERE. SO HURRY UP AND TAKE OUT ANY TRIPLE A IN THE AREA; IF THE ELEMENTS GET SHOT OUT OF THE SKY, ALL WILL BE LOST. GOOD LUCK SOLDIERS, AND GOD SPEED.”

As Billy Mays finished his speech, the Huey’s started to lift off the ground. After climbing to a height far above the tall skyscrapers of Los Pegasus, the Huey’s were joined by a squadron of blue and gold F-35B’s, as well as a squadron of black and navy blue A-10 Thunderbolt II’s.

“This is Captain Spitfire, callsign Wonderbolt One, we are ready to provide you air cover.” Spitfire stated

“This is Lieutenant Commander Nightwing of the Royal Equestrian Navy, callsign Shadowbolt One, we are ready to provide ground forces with close air support.” Nightwing said with an accent similar to a Russian accent.

“Let get this done, guys, quick and clean.” Rambo Jesus said.

Authors note – Who likes firefights? I like firefights! Who likes dogfights (as in fighter jets fighting other fighter jets? I like dogfights! Who likes tank battles? I like tank battles! And it’s all in the next chapter.