"HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH A SPECIAL OFFER FOR ALL OF YOU!" Billy Mays proclaimed, standing in a random kitchen filled with tacos, doritos, coca-cola, and Old Spice. "FOR ONLY OVER 9000! PAYMENTS OF 69.99 DOLLARS, YOU CAN HAVE EARLY ACCESS TO THE PLANNED SEQUEL TO THE OLD SPICE GUYS INVADE EQUESTRIA!"

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"I said I had only one fuck!" 60's Era Spiderman shouted at Billy Mays as he swung in through an open window.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME!? I'M MOTHER FUCKING BILLY MAYS! YOU WILL GIVE UP A FEW MORE FUCKS, OR BILLY MAYS WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS! ENJOY CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE, READERS!" Billy Mays proclaimed, as he waved good-bye and 60's Era Spiderman flipped the readers and Billy Mays the bird.

"Sir, your brother has arrived." One of Luna's soldiers said to Black Jesus, who was busy typing away at his laptop.

Black Jesus finished the sentence he was typing and turned to the soldier. "Hmm... that was quick." Black Jesus commented. "Send him in, my son."

"Right away, my liege." The soldier replied, marching out of the room. Seconds later, a tall, white hairless ape with long flowing hair marched in. The hairless ape wore a uniform with a multicam pattern, and wore the patches of a member of the United States Armies Special Forces, or the Green Berets. On his head, he wore a dark green beret with a yellow/golden flash, marking him as a member of the First Special Forces Group. In his hands was a heavily customized assault rifle with a camouflage finish that matched his uniform.

"Might not want to carry that thing around so casually, Rambo. The ponies might get spooked." Black Jesus commented.

"But who could be scared of my HK416? You know, besides my enemies." Rambo Jesus, or Rambus (I have my reasons; Don't like it? Stop reading this fic) replied with a smug smirk.

"Perhaps creatures that are so peaceful, quite a few of them faint at the mere mention of a minor injury." Black Jesus stated.

"Pansies." Rambus stated.

"Thou shall be surprised." Princess Luna stated, as she walked into the room. "It is a pleasure to meet thou, Rambo Jesus."

Rambus leaned his HK up against the wall and shook Luna's hoof with the grip that would make the typical pony shriek in pain. But Luna gritted her teeth and allowed him to take her hoof. "The pleasure is all mine. I have heard quite a lot about you from my older brother."

"Oh? We are quite curious what he had to say. But another time, perhaps. We fear the Anti-Spice knows of our intentions and will be making moves to protect itself against the Elements of Harmony. We need to make a move immediately." Luna stated.

"I couldn't agree more." Rambus said. "I can get you the Elements, but I will need to assemble a team of the universes most elite warriors... I need to make some phone calls."

Swiper laid prone in the grass, cradling his Intervention sniper rifle in his paws and peering down its scope. After years of attempting to be a thief and being foiled over and over again by that little immigrant, Swiper the Fox decided to find a new purpose in life. So, he helped Steve Jobs fake his death for some spare cash (Steve Jobs is currently vacationing in the Bahamas, waiting for his chance to come back and claim to be God) and bought an armory of firearms. Now, after two years of being the most successful mercenary in the world, he would be able to finally exact his revenge.

A twisted smile spread across his snout as he spotted his targets paddling down a river in a yellow raft, likely teaching their little amigos back home how to cross the border as usual. He shifted his sniper ever so slightly and fired. The retarded monkeys head exploded as the round struck home, splattering blood all over his companion and their raft. Swipers sensitive ears barely managed to pick up on Dora saying "Swiper no sniping, Swiper no sniping". He honestly had no idea how she knew how it was him, and he wouldn't ever know. He fired off another round, smiling as he watched the round rip through her arm. He fired off one final round, which punctured the raft Dora was sitting in.

"Dumb bitch." Swiper the Sniper commented, as he watched the raft rapidly deflate, causing Dora the Explorer to sink under the water, where her watery grave awaited.

(Authors note - We, do writers of the fic, do not condone ruining peoples childhoods, but we do, however, find it hilarious.)

Suddenly, Swipers cell phone started to vibrate violently. He released his snipers handle and pulled his phone out of its pouch, picking it up and holding it up to his ear.

"Hello?" Swiper asked.

"Swiper? It's Rambo Jesus. I have a job for you. You in?" Rambus's voice inquired.

"Always." Swiper responded.

"Good. I want you to hurry up and get ready. Give me a call when you are ready to go." Rambus... you know what? Fuck it. Rambus is retarded. I'm going back to Rambo Jesus... Rambo Jesus said, shortly before hanging up.

Liam Neeson strolled through the extravagant streets of Hollywood, watching as people trembled at the sight of him. Liam Neeson was the definition of badass. He trained both the Batman and Obi Wan. He is a God to two religions (He is Zeus and Aslan), and the leader of the A Team. He also used to be a member of the CIA's Special Activities Division, and punched a FUCKING WOLF! As previously stated, he is the definition of badass.

Liam immediately held his phone up to his ear the second it started to ring and picked it up. "I don't know who this is, but I will find you, and kill you." Liam Neeson promised.

"You're damn right you don't know who this is." Rambo Jesus's voice responded, "I need your help Liam."

"What do you need, Rambo Jesus?" Liam Neeson asked.

"Me and my brother, Black Jesus, need your combat experience for something. Go home and get suited up, then give me a call when you are ready." Rambo Jesus said, before hanging up.