"Hello, my child, it is I, Black Jesus," Black Jesus greeted, as he sat beside the fireplace, "and I am here with an important message from MarineMarksman."

Black Jesus cleared his throat and started reading a small slip of paper, "Dear loyal fans and followers of Black Jesus, I am proud to announce that not only will Spike abuse will be making its return, it is now back in a new form, Spike torture. Or some shit like that. I don't give a flying fuck. It's Spike. No one gives a fuck about him. Spiderman actually gives him negative fucks. If he died, ponies would go to the funeral simply to desecrate his body and grave, and laugh at his demise."

"Well, I hope you guys are as happy as I am about the return of Spike abuse. Please, enjoy Chapter Twenty-Three." Black Jesus said, waving goodbye.

"WHY WOULD THOU EVEN INSINUATE SUCH A THING?! SAVING OUR SISTER?!" Luna demanded from Chuck Norris with her Royal Canterlot voice.

"Luna... please, hear me out." Chuck Norris begged (lawl, I know, Chuck Norris begging, what are the odds?).

Hesitantly, Luna sat down and looked up at Chuck Norris, waiting for him to speak.

"Luna, do you remember how after you were sent to the moon, that evil spirit took over you?" Chuck asked.

"Of course we do." Luna answered.

"Okay, a few years after you were born, a similar entity took over Celestia. I like to call it, the Anti-Spice."

"Catchy." Luna commented.

"The Celestia you used to know and love is still there, Luna. You must help her." Chuck Norris stated.

"But how?" Luna inquired.

"The Elements of Harmony. Gather them and use them against Celestia, and she will be freed. But... there are... complications." Chuck Norris said.

"Complications...?" Luna asked, worried.

"The Anti-Spice knows that the Elements can be used to free Celestia. So it is kept in a fortress, guarded by a company of Celestia's elite secret police forces, as well as nearby guard units. You will need a lot of firepower to get through there, but if I sent in Black Jesus... or Steroids Man, they would see them coming from a mile away. The Elements would be gone by then, and you would be screwed. That's why I'm sending you my son, Rambo Jesus. He will be able to lead your troops to victory without any major trouble. Now, return to my son Black Jesus, and tell him the news." Chuck Norris stated.

"Where... where am I?" Spike muttered, as his eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked around, finding himself in an old bathroom, covered in dry blood and feces. He tried to move his tiny, pathetic excuses for limbs, but found they were tried togehter.

Suddenly, a television lowered from the roof and switched on. An image of a dirty, white doll stared at Spike, scaring the living shit out of Spike.

"I would like to play a game." The doll stated, "I have been watching you for a long time, Spike. I know how everypony hates your guts. How ponies couldn't care less whether you died or not."

Spike only barely managed to stop himself from breaking down into sobs at what this mysterious doll just said. Mainly because what he said was true. Nopony cares about him.

"Spike, you need to listen to me. I haven't told you what the game is."

"Tell me..." Spike muttered.

"I have planted a bomb in your stomach. Since nopony cares about you, nopony will try to defuse it. I will, however, stop it from exploded, on one condition. You have two days to find somepony who care about you, and will not point and laugh if you get hurt. When you do, I will stop the timer, and you live. Clear?"

"Yeah..." Spike answered. Spike heard somepony trot up behind him, before he felt him or her whack his head with something hard, knocking the pathetic excuse for life out cold.

Hitler climbed out of the canoe, leaving behind the headless corpses of Big Bird, the Cookie Monster, and Oscar the Grouch. He smiled at his handiwork, running his fingers through the large pool of blood at the bottom of the canoe and licked the blood off of his fingers.

"Niggers." He said the corpses, as he walked away from the shore, walking in the direction of Ponyville.

You see, Hitler had plans. Evil plans. And these plans had to do with a certain Element of Magics big brother and "number one" assistant.

Old Spice help us all.

[Note - We do not condone the use of the word 'nigger' or any of its variants, but we do find racism hilarious. If you are butthurt, we would like to be the first to welcome you to the MOTHER FUCKIN INTERNET, BITCHES!]