The wooden stairs creaked under their hooves. Even outside the building they could still hear Vinyl probably having the time of her life. Bon Bon thought that they were lucky, having rather thick walls in their house in Ponyville. She was a quiet type herself, but Lyra just couldn’t resist announcing to the whole world that she just found a new way of pleasuring herself.

At least their sex life wasn’t boring. Bon Bon thought that it was even too interesting, to the point it was sometimes getting awkward. For example, she still couldn’t forget that time when she came back home with two sacks of apples, and what happened with some of them later. Fortunately, Nurse Redheart was known from her ability to keep her mouth shut.

“Hmm, it’s far away from there…” Lyra said, looking at the Statue of Liberty, towering in the distance.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, we’ll take a cab.”

“How will we take a cab in the middle of the night?”

“There’s one there,” said Bon Bon, pointing at the yellow cart on the other side of the street. They trotted to it to find no trace of the cabbie.

“Wonder what could happen to him…” said Lyra, carefully avoiding stepping into a crimson trail on the pavement, leading from the cab to the nearest nook.

Bon Bon shrugged.

“I think he won’t mind if we borrow it for a moment…”

“Are you crazy?” Lyra asked. Even though they were both a bit tipsy, the food she’d eaten caused her to sober up a little. Not much, just to point out the things that were wrong in other ponies’ plans. “Who’ll pull it?”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, remember that I’m the earth pony in this relationship…” Bon Bon said, picking up the harness with her teeth. Lyra levitated it, helping her put it on.

“Mrr… You look cute in it…” The unicorn giggled.

“See? And when I wanted to try SM with you, you told me that you’re ‘not ready’...”

“Maybe because your concept of SM involved locking me in a cage in our basement… Why do we even have a cage there?”

“Ask the previous owner. It was some Vinyl’s friend.”

“Okay, that explains many things,” said Lyra, taking a seat in the cab. She shifted her position slightly and took some object she sat on.

“I found a whip,” she announced, examining it closer.

“Kinky.”

“Yeah… So, let’s go Bonnie! Next stop – Statue of Liberty!” She whipped Bon Bon’s flank. The earth mare pranced and started to gallop, almost crashing the cart against a fire hydrant. She turned sharply, causing the wheels to screech.

“Who gave you the licence?” Lyra shouted, holding her seat tightly.

“I don’t have a licence!” Bon Bon exclaimed, taking another turn at the full speed, the momentum of the spinning cab almost overturning her.

Lyra cursed under her breath. Then she cursed once more, remembering that her marefriend was drunk enough to be pulled over for driving under influence if they met the guards.

The only way to avoid it was to go faster to not be caught.

“C’mon, Bonnie!” Lyra shouted. They were now riding through the Neighponese District. Lyra waved at the kirins standing in front of one of the restaurants. Bon Bon tried that feat too, only to find out that pulling a cart while galloping on three hooves at the full speed was a bad idea. The cab turned, jumping when the wheels hit the kerb. A group of prostitutes from Hayland standing on the pavement ran away in panic, seeing a yellow mare desperately trying to regain control of the vehicle.

“Well, that was close…” Lyra sighed with relief, looking back at the group, now helping each other to get up.

“They don’t chase after us?” Bon Bon asked, turning right.

“No… Though I wouldn’t mind, some of them looked pretty hot…”

Bon Bon sighed.

“Remember what Vinyl said? They’re from Hayland, each of them is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you gonna get. Syphilis, chlamydia, a stallion…”

“I wouldn’t mind a stallion,” Lyra said innocently.

“You?” Bon Bon turned back to her, “I always thought you weren’t into stallions…”

“Yeah, but… I’ve never been with a stallion before. I always wanted to try, you know, cucumbers are not exactly the same thing…”

“Well, I can’t help you with that.”

“There’s a spell for that, it’s called Spell 63–”

“No Lyra,” Bon Bon interrupted her, “I still haven’t recovered from the trauma after Spell 34.”

Lyra made puppy eyes. It didn’t exactly work, since Bon Bon decided that she was tempting fate for too long, pulling a cart without watching the road. Besides, something about what Lyra said earlier was bugging her. Suddenly, there came an enlightenment. She turned to her lover again.

“Remember that one time when you prepared a cucumber salad for me?”

Lyra nodded, so Bon Bon continued, her voice getting higher with every word.

“You told me that it was ‘special’. Was it a metaphor or…”

Lyra said nothing, her cheeks slowly getting red.

“Lyra, please tell me that it was a metaphor…”

Lyra smiled sheepishly.

“You have problems, Lyra…”

“But I washed and peeled them! And it doesn’t matter, you… SWEET BUCKING BABY WOONA, WATCH OUT BONNIE, FILLY ON THE ROAD!”

Bon Bon started to brake hard, but it was too late. Luckily, she managed to turn, the right wheel of their cab missing the filly by an inch. Finally, they crashed into a tower of cardboard boxes someone stacked on the pavement. Lyra could never understand why there always were cardboard boxes on every sidewalk in every big town she had ever visited. Probably their only purpose was to wait for some cart to crash against them.

“I meant that since we are into oral sex anyway…”

“Oh, shut up, Lyra…” Bon Bon rubbed her flanks. She didn’t remember much from her physics lessons, but she knew exactly that the fact that she was trying to stop didn’t mean that the cart was going to stop too. Which in her case meant that she almost discovered the joys of being anally deflowered by the thill.

Too occupied by their attempts to get the taxi out of the remains of the boxes, they didn’t notice that a brown filly blew her pink mane from her eyes and trotted staggeringly to them.

“Ya *hic* don’t look like a cabbie…” she said to Bon Bon.

“And you don’t look like a roadkill, but you’re on a good way to become one.”

“What were you doing in the middle of the road?” Lyra asked.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders *hic* Cider Drinkers!”

Bon Bon facehoofed.

“We’re doomed,” she muttered, “They’re everywhere…”

“Nevermind, did I get my cutie mark?” the filly asked, exposing her flank to Lyra.

“Err… you know, I’m not used to stranger fillies mooning at me…”

“Oh, sorry… *hic* My name is Seed. Babs Seed. Now, do I have a cutie mark or not?”

Lyra sighed, preparing herself mentally to crush little filly’s dreams and hopes.

“No,” she said.

“Crap. I knew it was a *hic* bad idea…” She took a seat next to Lyra, her face being now the best example of drunken sadness.

“Yeah, drinking is a lame talent, if you ask me.” Bon Bon said. “And why are you sitting here?”

Babs stopped sobbing and looked at Bon Bon coldly.

“Ya might not look like a cabbie, but ya are one, so drive me home, please,” she said, suddenly getting rid of the hiccups.

“Sorry, I’m not a cabbie, we stole this taxi,” Bon Bon said.

“Doesn’t matter. I need *hic* someone to drive me home!”

Bon Bon sighed. It was going to be a long night. She was spending too much time with her friends to not know that arguing with a drunk logic was futile.

“Listen, punk,” she said, “See my cutie mark? Yes, candies. I give candies to fillies, then I go with them to my basement where I rape, kill, and eat them. Not necessarily in that order. Luckily, you’re not in my type, so get the buck out before I change my mind!”

Babs Seed stared deeply into her eyes. Or rather tried to do so. Few mugs of cider wasn’t much for experienced drunks like, for example, Berry Punch, but it was enough for the filly to get, as Octavia would say, tired and emotional.

“So, you’re suggesting that I’m fat?” she asked.

“No, I’m just trying to get rid of you.”

Tears shined in Babs’ eyes.

“No one wants to drive me home!” she wallowed, sinking her face in Lyra’s coat, “I’m gonna die a blank flank! And a virgin!”

“There, there…” Lyra cooed. “And you, Bonnie… How can you say such things to a filly! She can’t stay here, we need to help her!”

“See?” Babs Seed shouted, turning her face to Bon Bon. “Good to see that there are good ponies in Equestria, not like you, Bonnie…”

“Call me ‘Bonnie’ once more, you little brat, and you’ll really end up in my basement…”

“Wait!” Lyra exclaimed, “Do you really lure fillies to our basement?”

“Please,” Babs grinned. “Bonnie’s not the first pony who were trying to offer me candies. She doesn’t look like one of them. More like a bored, middle-aged spinster. By the way, why there always have to be candies? Candies and candies, do they want me to get buckin’ diabetes?”

“Middle-aged? I’m not keeping fillies in my basement, but I’ll start soon!” Bon Bon glared at her angrily, causing Babs to cower in her seat.

“Chill out, Bonnie, you’re scaring her!” Lyra scolded, “Now I know why you’re always changing the topic when I talk about children!” She turned to Babs. “Shh, auntie Lyra won’t let her hurt you…”

Babs made a gagging sound.

“Just drive me home,” she said, “And please, hurry. Ya know, too much cider, I really need to–”

“Okay, we get it, where’s your home?” Bon Bon asked. When Babs told her, she raised her brow.

“Where the hay is it?”

“Oh, come on…” Babs rolled her eyes. “I’ll guide ya.”

They got the cart out of the cardboard boxes and rode down the street. Babs started to hiccup again and if Lyra didn’t poke her from time to time, she’d probably nod off.

They spent few minutes in silence, save from Babs navigating them through the streets of Manehattan. Suddenly, the filly cursed under her breath.

“Cops,” she whispered. Bon Bon froze.

“Bonnie, keep it together,” Lyra muttered, “Drive like you’re a legit cabbie, they won’t stop us…”

Too bad, Bon Bon’s “legit cabbie” pose apparently wasn’t legit enough for the guards. The other reason could be the appearance of their taxi, battered after the numerous fender benders.

“Good evening, ma’am,” said the taller guard. Lyra thought that Royal Guards were always seen in pairs, and one was always a bit taller. She decided that she needed to incorporate it into one of the conspiracy theories she believed in.

“Can you show us your licence?” asked the shorter one.

Bon Bon did quite well. She started to pretend that she looked for her licence, only to say that she’d accidentally left it at home.

“Not good…” the taller guard concluded, “Now, the sobriety test…”

“Can you make it a bit quicker?” Babs asked suddenly, “I really need to tap the kidney…” she burped. “And possibly kneel before the porcelain throne. Hopefully not both at the same time.”

“Wait,” the shorter guard said and turned to Lyra. “Is that your daughter?”

“No, we don’t know her…”

“Why is she drunk?”

“Hey, I’m not drunk!” Babs shouted, “And they’re sober too, and they’re really nice, Bonnie even offered me candies…”

The guards looked at one another.

“Can you go with us?” the taller one asked. Lyra gave Bon Bon a panicked look. Think, Bon Bon read in her eyes.

Thinking wasn’t something easy for Bon Bon. Of course, as a candy maker, she was a skilled chemist. Yet, coming up with far-fetched, detailed plans wasn’t her forte. Hell, even her younger sister – boring, asocial, heterosexual nerd, as Bon Bon, sometimes-boring, often-asocial, not-exactly-heterosexual not-exactly-nerd would describe her, was better in planning than her. Yet, somehow Bon Bon came up with a plan. The plan was simple and effective.

“Hold on to your seats!” she shouted, darting forward. Babs almost fell off the cab, but Lyra caught her with her magic. Bon Bon took a sharp turn, two guards in hot pursuit.

“Faster, Bonnie!” Lyra bellowed, “They’re after us!”

“You could help a bit!” Bon Bon shouted. Lyra facehoofed at her own stupidity, turned back and fired a magic bolt at the guard, who dodged it, but crashed into a conveniently placed fruit stand. Lyra wasn’t sure why the fruit stand was there in the middle of the night, but shrugged it off. It was Manehattan after all.

“When I said ‘help’ I didn’t mean ‘add assaulting a guard on duty to our quickly growing rap sheet’!” Bon Bon rolled her eyes. She wanted to facehoof, but since she was still running, it could easily end with an injury. Or two, considering the rather heavy cab behind her.

“Like, dunno, move that cab with your magic?”

Lyra thought for a moment.

“Okay,” she said, “I saw it in one movie…”

Her horn started to glow. Bon Bon felt that the cab started to accelerate, getting closer to her rump. Suddenly, golden magic aura lifted her, freeing her from the harness and seating her next to Lyra. Confused, she looked at the wheels and saw that they were also engulfed in Lyra’s magic, propelling the battered vehicle forward.

“Since when you can do that?” Bon Bon asked.

“Always! You know, alcohol increases my magic skills…”

“Why am I not surprised…”

Babs made a gagging sound, watching the nearby building blurring in a haze. They left the guards behind. Lyra sighed with relief, driving the cab through the narrow streets.

“So, since we’re safe, we can drive you home in no time, Babs,” she said.

“Yeah,” Babs muttered weakly, “And then I’ll have a lot of time to think about new cutie mark idea while grounded…”

“Well, cider-drinking cutie mark was a lame idea from the beginning,” Bon Bon replied, rather brutally. “I mean, when I was your age, I also wanted something unusual, but maybe you should think about you’re good at, even if it’s mundane?”

“Like, having an egg cutter for a cutie mark?” Babs pointed at Lyra’s flank.

“What?” Lyra snapped, almost losing control over the taxi. “It’s a lyre, kid.”

“For me it looks like an egg cutter.” Babs looked closer, blowing her mane out of her eyes. Lyra facehoofed, causing the wheel to hit against the kerb.

“I can assure you it’s a lyre. I’m playing lyre since I was five, my parents are musicians, some of my best friends are musicians, and I use a knife to slice the eggs.” She looked at Babs, who still looked unconvinced.

“You know, I’m not even sure how lyre sounds like…”

“What the hell is with the fillies these days?” Lyra groaned, “Do you like music?”

“Well, I listen to DJ Pon3.”

“That explains everything,” Bon Bon muttered. Lyra, however, didn’t want to give up.

“It’s even in my name. Lyra Heartstrings. Lyra. Strings. Lyre.”

“Wait,” Babs interrupted, “How could you be named after your cutie mark?”

“She was raised by wolves and she already had a cutie mark when ponies found her,” Bon Bon deadpanned. Babs started to think, scratching her head.

“How did she discover her special talent among the wolves? Did they use egg cutters?”

“Listen kid, I have a whip and I’m not afraid to use it…” Lyra sighed. “Hmm, maybe your special talent is being whipped?”

“Meh, we tried that. Scary but fun. No cutie marks. And actually, I think I’d like to be a toaster repairpony.”

“Hmm, that’s not a bad idea.” Lyra nodded. “So, have a piece of advice from the older friend: if you want to be a toaster repairpony, find a damn toaster and repair it.”

“Right.” Babs eyes shone brighter. “Where can we find a broken toaster in the middle of the night?”

Lyra chuckled and patted Babs’ head, distracting herself from propelling the cab forward long enough to almost crash against the mailbox.

“You know, Bonnie,” Lyra said, when she regained control over the taxi. “I’d like to have a kid like her.”

Bon Bon sighed and rolled her eyes.

“She called me ‘middle-aged’ and thinks that your cutie mark is an egg cutter, but I guess you just felt your biological clock ticking.”

“Meh. I guess she’s a lovely filly when she’s sober.”

“Excuse me,” Babs interrupted, “I still have to take a piss, you know…”

“Yeah, lovely…” Bon Bon sighed and turned to Babs. “When I was at your age, it was called ‘going to little filly’s room’.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be home in no time,” Lyra said, “Also, Bonnie, ‘when I was at your age’? You really sound like you were middle aged. And I used to call it ‘changing water to goldfish’. Vinyl, on the other hoof, refers to it as ‘number one’, number two being–”

“Sorry, but by talking about that you’re not helping!” Babs groaned.

“Pegasus!” Bon Bon shouted, pointing at the guard in the sky. Apparently the Manehattan Royal Guard Department still had problems with magically-powered taxi.

“Don’t worry, I got this!” Lyra shouted, accelerating. She made a sharp turn, their vehicle disappearing in the nook.

“You do realise that it’s a dead end?” Bon Bon asked. In a golden glow of Lyra’s magic she saw that there were boards stacked by the wall at the end of the nook, making a quite fine ramp.

“Shit…” she muttered, seeing that Lyra was now completely focused on her target. The pegasus overtook them and was now diving at them.

“Why is everything always stacked in such a way?” Bon Bon asked, seeing as they were approaching the ramp quickly.

“I dunno,” Babs replied, “Sometimes I hate this town…”

Propelled by Lyra’s magic, the taxi jumped into the air. The pegasus dove, trying to intercept them, when a sudden flare of magic blinded him temporarily.

“Duck!” Lyra shouted. The pegasus guard collided with the taxi, tearing a large part of its roof off and parted from it, crash landing on somepony’s balcony. The cab, sent spinning, flew about fifty metres, spinning, before Lyra managed to steady it with her magic, just before it hit the ground.

“Wooohooo!” Lyra shouted.

The wheels crushed upon impact, the taxi crashing into the conveniently placed stack of cardboard boxes and skidding to a halt in them. For a moment, they were silent, trying to assess if they broke any bones.

“Ya know,” Babs said finally, her voice weaker than before, “I don’t need to go to the toilet anymore…”

“Eeeeewwww…” Lyra groaned, darting out of her seat. For a moment she hoped that the sudden rise of its temperature was a side effect of her magic, but she was quickly proved wrong.

“Shit…” Babs muttered, watching Lyra staring at her tail with an expression of pure disgust.

“Is it that bad?” Bon Bon asked.

“No, it’s like, shit in a more metaphorical sense…”

Bon Bon sighed with relief. Lyra however, couldn’t live it through.

“My whole tail is covered in–”

“I see, you don’t have to wave it in front of my face… And stop bitching, you’re making a filly cry!”

Indeed, Babs sat on the pavement, weeping loudly. Lyra sat next to her, whispering some words of consolation and patting her head.

“I’m sooo pathetic!” the filly wept, “I’m gonna die a blank flank! And a virgin! Shamed forever!”

“There, there…” Lyra cooed. “See, that’s why you shouldn’t drink. You sound like Rarity.”

Babs didn’t listen, crying in Lyra’s coat. The unicorn sighed.

“Bonnie, what should we do with her?” she asked, “We can’t give her to her parents like that…”

“Maybe we should take her there,” said Bon Bon, pointing at the building in front of them – the public convenience. According to the pictograms next to the door, there were also showers in there.

“Hmm, conveniently placed public convenience, pun not intended.” Lyra rose her eyebrows.

“Actually, everything in this town appears to be conveniently placed…” Bon Bon replied, “Or we just knew where to crash.”

“Coincidence? I think not,” Lyra stated.

“What is it then? Everytime we crash, we crash into boxes. When we needed a ramp, we had a ramp. Babs needs a place to wash herself – we land next to the toilet.”

“It’s a miracle, Bonnie.”

“And what is a miracle, Lyra?” Bon Bon rolled her eyes. Sometimes, Lyra was weird. Well, she was usually weird, sometimes she was just weirder than usual. Bon Bon sometimes wondered what’d happen if Lyra and Pinkie Pie were locked in the same room. Probably the world would explode.

“It’s an act of Celestia.”

“Listen Lyra,” Bon Bon sighed, “I believe Celestia can change water into cider, find my keys, but, for her mother’s sake, she just doesn’t place toilets on our way!”

She had a feeling that they had that conversation before. Way too many times for her liking.

“But you can’t deny that–”

“Excuse me,” Babs interrupted, “But I’ll soon get a bladder infection from sitting on a pavement with my fur soaked…”

“Sorry!” Lyra exclaimed, suddenly snapped back to reality.

The washroom attendant was an old mare with a roll of toilet paper as her cutie mark. Babs shuddered upon seeing this. She was far from looking down upon other ponies because of their cutie marks, but she’d rather be a blank flank (and a virgin) forever than find out that her special talent was, according to the popular definition, maintaining and cleaning the facilities, ensuring that toilet paper, soap, paper towels, and other necessary items are kept stocked.

“Two showers,” Bon Bon said, placing bits on a counter. “And I need a place to think about my life.”

The old mare only nodded. Just like the cashier working on the railway station in Ponyville, she’d seen everything in her life. Two mares and a filly who, judging by the smell, had a tiny accident were just another of countless ponies visiting that place every day. Each one had a story. Some of them were rich, some poor. Some were travelling vendors, some were soldiers, some were drunk, stoned, insane, overly dramatic, there were even few who wanted to cheat Death himself.

None of them could even cheat their own bladder.

Bon Bon closed the door to the stall behind her. It was old, completely covered in scribbles, layering there for decades. It didn’t took Bon Bon long to discover the familiar hoofwriting.

DJ Pon3 had her second best orgasm with a stallion in this stall, on… The date was roughly two years ago. Bon Bon hoped that the stall had been cleaned since then. Next to Vinyl’s confession, somepony wrote with a blue ink:

The Great and Powerful Trixie had the best orgasm in her life in this stall, and she didn’t even need another pony.

“Eww…” Bon Bon winced, turning her gaze to another graffiti, this time less personal.

Buck old mares and young Royal Guards!

Next to it, somepony else wrote:

Old mares need love too!

Apparently it was a heated topic, as the scribbles were followed by few replies, each written by another pony:

But they have to pay for it…

Poor old mares…

Hey, how about old stallions?

The conversation was interrupted abruptly by someone who, using a black marker, wrote with gothic letters:

Pferdreich, Pferdreich über alles!

Below that, somepony replied:

Еби твою маму, фашисткий засранец!

Bon Bon suddenly remember that Manehattan was a very cosmopolitical city. She turned to the area of the door closer to the wickets, where the scribblings were deeper and more philosophical. For some reason, the first one she read made her think about Vinyl.

World’s changing, whorses are constans.

“Wait,” she corrected herself. “Vinyl’s not a whorse, she has standards.” Rather low standards – sapient, sentient, consenting, legal, and with compatible genitals (which ruled out adult dragons and changelings in their true forms), but they still were standards. Bon Bon looked at the next graffiti – a groan of frustration of some anonymous being. The brownish colour of the letters made her unsure whether it was written with blood or something easier to obtain in the toilet.

I don’t wanna be just a background pony!

“Well, good luck with that one…” Bon Bon snickered. She started to look for more more philosophical writings, but she only found a few minimalistic drawings of male genitals. She decided that she had enough of thinking, flushed the toilet, and went out of the stall. Lyra and Babs were already in the corridor, the unicorn drying filly’s mane with her magic.

“What took you so long?” Lyra asked.

“Thinking,” Bon Bon replied.

“Yeah, I know your ‘thinking’... Every morning I have to do a potty dance because you’re thinking in the bathroom…”

“You know, once I took a dump so big that I felt regret when I had to flush it…” Babs said, smiling at her memories. Lyra and Bon Bon winced.

“And you’re wondering why you’re still a virgin?” the earth mare deadpanned. Lyra shook her head.

“Bad Bonnie,” she said, “Don’t remind her of that, we don’t want her to do something stupid… Remember Babs, don’t have sex–”

“Because I’ll get pregnant and die?”

“Yep, that too. The thing is that you need to find an appropriate colt first.”

“Yeah, and don’t tell him about your, umm… business. You know, some colts think that fillies don’t poop and may disgusted when proved otherwise,” Bon Bon added.

“Exactly.” Lyra nodded. “And don’t hurry. Focus on becoming a toaster repairpony first. I was 19 when I lost my–”

“Yeah, with the most obnoxious mare in Equestria,” Bon Bon interrupted her.

“I was 19, okay?” Lyra rolled her eyes. “And remember, the relationship is not only about sex. It’s about dealing with other pony’s quirks, like snoring…”

“...farting…” Bon Bon added.

“Hey, I don’t– I mean, leaving dirty socks on the floor, such things.”

“I don’t even wear socks,” Bon Bon said.

“You know?” Babs said, her face expressing disgust, “I don’t wanna have sex. Ever. I wanna go home, go to sleep, and hope that I’ll forget this conversation.”

“See? You traumatised her, Bonnie. Now she’ll have issues and she’ll be unable to form a lasting relationship...”

“Don’t worry, I won’t have any issues. I don’t need colts, I’m sexually attracted to toasters! Happy now?”

“Toasters?” Lyra asked, “How do you… you know?”

“The same way you used Berry’s blender,” Bon Bon replied.

“I don’t wanna know!” Babs shouted quickly, seeing that Lyra opened her mouth to explain. They left the toilet, bidden farewell by the attendant’s curious glance.

“Hmm, the guards aren’t looking for us anymore?” Bon Bon asked, looking around. Somepony already stole the wreck of their taxi, leaving only the sad remains of cardboard boxes.

“Psychology,” Lyra explained, “They’re looking for three drunk ponies riding a taxi propelled by magic. They won’t be interested in two mares and a filly walking casually in the street. Even if it’s 2 AM.”

“This is so crazy it can actually work,” Bon Bon said.

“Yeah…” Babs yawned. “You know, you two are nice, but I’d rather hit the hay. My home is two blocks from there.”

“We can walk you there,” Bon Bon proposed, “Something could happen to you…”

“No, thanks. It’s only two blocks.”

“We know, but what if there’s a crazy axe murderer a block away from there? We’d never forgive ourselves…”

“You mean my neighbour? He’s okay, unless he’s off his meds.”

Lyra sent Bon Bon a cautionary glance, muttering something that sounded like “we can’t stop here, this is Babs’ country”, but the cream mare shook her head.

“No Babs, we’ll escort you till you’re safe in your house…”

“Better not. As you said it’s 2 AM. My parents are gonna be…”

“Angry?” Lyra prompted.

“No, they’ll be disappointed. It’s even worse.”

“I’d rather be worried…” Bon Bon said.

“Because you’re just too kind…” Lyra nuzzled her.

“Barbara,” Babs said quickly.

“What?”

“Barbara “Babs” Seed, in case you’re looking for baby names.”

“What? We’re not–”

“Too bad. You two’d make great parents. Laid back but caring. A bit crazy but, dunno, good ponies…”

They walked to Babs’ home in awkward silence. Even when the filly finally wished them good night and went to her flat, Lyra was still unusually quiet.

“You know,” she said finally, “Maybe we should really think about foals?”

“You do realise that the only pony who thinks we’d make good parents is a drunk filly whom we‘ll most likely never see again?”

“Yeah, but… Dunno, sometimes I think–”

“Can you think about it tomorrow? Tonight we’re gonna have some fun…”

Lyra thought for a moment.

“Yeah,” she said finally, “Let’s find some conveniently placed bar, I’m a bit thirsty and I guess I’ll need to be in shape tonight…”

“Exactly…” Bon Bon muttered, looking at the distant silhouette of the Statue of Liberty.

On their way to the monument, they went to a small bar. Not that they liked it very much – just before they entered, somepony got kicked out of it, crashing into the mailbox on the other side of the street. The interior was dark, crowded and dirty, but at least they could buy two pints of cider and some hay fries there without having to get a mortgage.

“Good thing I went to think earlier,” Bon Bon muttered, taking a sip of her cider and watching a pair of ponies disappearing behind the old, wooden door. “Apparently, toilets here are only a place to have sex in.”

Lyra giggled, seeing two stallions and a blushing, limping mare walking out of the toilet. “Yeah, I was just going to propose–”

“No, Lyra,” Bon Bon replied, “It’s the only occasion, I don’t want to waste strength there, with all those ponies around…”

“Meh, I don’t mind the spectators. When I was with Vinyl, we went to a swingers party and–”

“I don’t wanna know…” Bon Bon downed half of her cider in one go and almost choked on her hay fries.

“Nothing interesting, I mostly watched. Actually, that was kinda what killed our relationship…”

“Watching Vinyl on a swingers party?” Bon Bon suddenly felt like ordering another pint of cider. And possibly some whisky.

“No, trying to keep Vinyl in place when she was given penicillin injections. You know how scared of needles she is? She changed the nurse into a potted plant once…”

“Eww… There goes my metaphorical boner…”

“You mean Bon-Boner?” Lyra chuckled. Bon Bon gave her a long, condescending look before hitting her forehead against the table. Lyra patted her head.

“I’m sorry, Bonnie,” she said. Bon Bon lifted her eyes on her and smiled.

“It’s okay.” She smiled, embracing Lyra and kissing her. “We’re gonna make it our special night…”

“Yeah.” Lyra giggled, kissing her back. “The night we deflowered the Statue of Liberty…”

“Shh… No one can hear about it…”

They finished the cider and went out of the bar, advancing slowly towards the statue. The night was warm, full moon enlightening the street.

“I have an idea,” Lyra said suddenly, “I mean, it’s kinda combination of two ideas I had earlier tonight…”

“I’m not sure if I want to hear that… You know, I love you, but your ideas aren’t exactly the best in the world...”

“We should invite some cute stallion over and ask him to knock one of us up. Then we’d have both a threesome with a stallion and a baby.”

“That’s exactly what I meant when I said that your ideas aren’t the best…”

“Why not?” Lyra made puppy eyes.

“First, I don’t want any stallion in my bed, second, it’s unethical, third, you really want to live with some little brat for about eighteen years because another little brat told you that you’d make a great parent? And finally, who’d be that stallion?”

Lyra thought for a moment.

“Hmm… Time Turner?”

“Yeah, and then Derpy would give us arsenic-flavoured muffins…”

“Okay… How about Noteworthy?”

“As you’d say, meh.”

“Hey, he’s cute!” Lyra exclaimed.

“But he’s cute in a meh way. If I had to be with a stallion, I’d rather choose somepony more… manly.”

“Manly, right… Maybe Thunderlane then?”

“Berry told me that Flitter has crush on him. You know, I had a dream recently that she was trying to kill me with a lead pipe. I’d rather not push her…”

“Crush is not a relationship yet,” Lyra observed. They turned left and began to cross the bridge.

“Besides, my sister goes out with his brother,” Bon Bon continued, “That’d be awkward.”

“What? She’s no longer with Button Mash?”

“Nope. Turns out, their only reason to be together was his impressive, huge–”

“Bonnie, he’s sixteen… But I must admit, his mother is sexy.”

“–comic books collection. Actually maybe it’s good that they broke up. I was a bit tired of that Nerd Herd…”

“Yeah, because you totally weren’t a nerd when you were a filly. I remember, you had glasses and a lisp…”

“Don’t remind me…” Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “By the way, another reason why I don’t want to have foals: sooner or later they’ll be sixteen, just like Twist is now…”

Lyra shuddered, remembering Bon Bon’s sister, who, for some reason, hanged out in their place more often that with her parents. As soon as she hit puberty, got rid of braces and lisp, and discovered that most of the colts prefer redheads, she started to use it to get everything she wanted. Well, if Lyra recalled her teenage years correctly, she was exactly like Bon Bon.

“Meh, I’m okay with that,” the unicorn said, “How about Big Macintosh?”

This time it was Bon Bon’s turn to get lost in her thoughts. Luckily, she didn’t have to answer, as they arrived to the Statue of Liberty.

“Well, what do you think of this?” Bon Bon asked.

“No ponies around, no guards… Celestia is still on our side…”

“I don’t think she cares about us.” Bon Bon replied. “Besides, there’s probably some kind of alarm here…”

Lyra focused, observing the surroundings. When she was young she liked to spend time with her uncle, who taught her everything he knew about alarms, lockpicking, and the art of fooling the guards. Everything ended when the uncle had to move to the Canterlot Penitentiary Facility for income tax evasion.

“It’s easy,” she said, “the alarm only works when somepony opens the gate. If we teleport inside, we won’t set if off.”

“Sorry, Lyra, but remember that not everypony here is a unicorn…”

“Don’t worry, Bonnie. We’ll teleport together…”

“Oh no…” Bon Bon frowned. “Remember what I told you about teleportation under influence?”

“What can I do? I can’t teleport when I’m sober…”

Bon Bon sighed. Then she looked at the gate.

“Fine,” she said, “Let’s teleport.”

Lyra pulled her into a tight hug. Bon Bon closed her eyes and soon they disappeared in a golden flash.

When they appeared inside, she rubbed her flanks. She didn’t like to teleport, even if it meant being close to Lyra. She suspected that it had something to do with her earth pony body – she didn’t know much about magic but she deduced that it was more difficult to teleport a heavier object. Then fact that after every teleportation in her life (there were three so far, including one particularly pitiful case when drunk Lyra tackled her from behind and accidentally teleported them to the Carousel Boutique, landing in Rarity’s bed. Rarity was pissed. Thunderlane thought it was kinky) her cutie marks were itching seemed to confirm that observation.

“Still, I think there should be at least one guard here,” Bon Bon said.

“Don’t worry, why they should pay the guards when they have an alarm here?”

“Hey, look! Another ones!” A guard pointed at the monitors in front of him. He blessed Celestia for the CCTV cameras that had been recently installed in the Statue of Liberty. He no longer had to walk in front of it, freezing his family jewels off.

“What are we gonna do? Catch them?” the second guard asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Wait, let’s see what do they want. You know, there are four types of ponies who break into the Statue in the middle of the night.”

“What types?”

“Type one, Watchers. They just want to watch the dawn from the top. Type two, Junkies. Type three, Pissers. Both these types are now almost extinct, there are better places to have a fix or take a leak in this town–”

“Wait,” the other guard interrupted him, staring at the screens. “It seems that they do love each other…”

“Well, that’s the type four. Frankly, the most common one.”

“What are we gonna do? Arrest them?”

“Wait, let them finish…”

“...maybe we even discover that giant neuralyzer installed here. You know, the one Ponies in Black used when the aliens landed in Manehattan…”

They were walking up the stairs. Bon Bon recalled the article she’d read few weeks before, about curing headaches with sex. She hoped that it was true.

“Lyra, there is no neuralyzer here. Also, aliens don’t exist.”

“But–”

“No, humans don’t exist either.”

“Meh, humans are overrated.” Lyra rolled her eyes. “You know, each year about a hundred of them arrives to Equestria, Celestia keeps them in the caves under her palace and experiments on them. Nothing interesting. I prefer those big aliens with tentacles…”

“Remind me: when we get home, I’m getting rid of your stash of Neighponese comics.”

“They are graphic novels! Besides, I don’t have them.”

“What have you done with them?” Bon Bon looked at her unsurely.

“I gave them to your sister.”

“WHAT?”

“Don’t worry, she already read them and gave them to Button Mash. Keep circulating the tapes…”

“Good for him…”

They were now on the top of the Statue, watching the city below them.

“Also, Ponies in Black do exist. They have their headquarters in Canterlot and–”

“Lyra, if they existed, they’d already zap you with the neuralyzer. You know too much about them…”

Bon Bon regretted those words almost immediately, seeing Lyra’s panicked look.

“Who knows? Maybe they zapped me? Bonnie! I don’t remember what happened to me during Shining Armor and Cadance’s wedding! And I was in the caves with Minuette and Twinkleshine! I saw the Ponies in Black and they neuralysed me!”

Bon Bon did the only thing that was right – she hugged Lyra and kissed her, preventing her from speaking. At first Lyra almost jumped back, but then she relaxed, wrapping her forelegs around her marefriend.

Their lips parted. Bon Bon saw that Lyra was now much calmer and said softly:

“You don’t remember anything because you were enchanted by the Changeling Queen. You know, big, black, hammier than stoned Vinyl, with holes everywhere except the places they should be…”

“Really? Then how she takes a–”

“I’d rather not know. Maybe that’s the reason she was so pissed. Pun not intended.”

Lyra snickered.

“I love you, Bonnie.”

“I know.”

They kissed again, longer than before. Lyra lit up her horn, wrapping them in warm, magic cocoon, gently placing them in horizontal position an inch above the floor.

“It’d be easier if we just brought some blanket from home,” Bon Bon muttered.

“Don’t worry, I have one with me…”

Lyra levitated the red, checkered blanket and put it on the floor. Then she gently released Bon Bon from her magic grasp and put her on it.

“How are you able to carry a blanket, a guitar, a lyre, and whatever else you’re carrying with you without anypony noticing?”

“Hammerspace.” Lyra explained. Bon Bon decided not to question that, deciding that it was probably some kind of magic. That, or Lyra was even weirder than Pinkie Pie.

Besides, she had other things to do than thinking about her marefriend’s antics. Lyra lay down on the blanket, spreading her hind legs and yanking her tail. Bon Bon smirked and licked her lips slowly, lowering her head.

Unlike Vinyl, Bon Bon had never been in Neighsia, learning the forbidden love techniques from self-proclaimed masters. Instead, she learned everything she knew by herself.

When she was a filly, Bon Bon liked to eat yoghurt without using the spoon, by licking it out of the container. Later, when she grew up, she discovered that it wasn’t so different from what she was about to do. Just in case, she’d taught her sister to eat yoghurt that way, but Twist proved herself to be straight, so she didn’t need it.

Meanwhile, many miles from there, a certain redhead filly sneaked into Bon Bon’s house through the open window. Technically, she should be worried about her sister who’d gone missing, but as Berry Punch and Vinyl Scratch were also out of town, she assumed that they were somewhere together. Once inside, Twist trotted to the front door and opened it for another cute filly with glasses – grey, with braided mane and with a masterfully crafted piece of cutlery as her cutie mark.

“So, the laboratory is in the basement?” Silver Spoon asked. Twist nodded. Bon Bon’s laboratory, where she was cooking her ‘special’ candies was probably the best equipped one in Ponyville, unless somepony accidentally wandered into the dungeons below the Golden Oaks Library. Both Silver Spoon and Twist had a knack for chemistry – Twist’s newest hobby was organic chemistry, especially synthesising morphine’s derivatives, while Silver Spoon leaned more towards metallurgy.

Apparently, there was more chemistry involved, as well as physics and biology, as “a trip to the laboratory” soon ended on Bon Bon’s kitchen table, proving once and for all that karma was not only a bitch, but also liked to strike out of nowhere.

On the next day, when visibly laid back Silver Spoon left Lyra and Bon Bon’s house, she decided that she needed to rethink her life. She even considered being nice to other ponies for a change.

Strangely, she also really wanted to eat some yoghurt.

Bon Bon, unaware of what was happening in her house, began licking Lyra’s clit. She turned around, positioning her nether regions above Lyra’s face.

“Magic fingers?” She heard the unicorn’s muffled voice.

“Magic fingers.” She felt her sex being assaulted by Lyra’s tongue and a warm, soothing aura of magic, massaging her clit and flanks. Bon Bon’s mind blurred. She felt Lyra’s body twitching under her, as she stuffed her tongue deep into her.

Lyra moaned. It was hard to achieve, since her mouth was rather occupied at the moment, but she somehow managed to do this. Bon Bon knew that her marefriend was rather loud, but tonight she didn’t care. They both knew each other’s bodies well and were making the best of it. The blanket was soon soaked with Lyra’s juices, its smell causing a raging tempest of hormones inside Bon Bon’s body. She felt that she was wet too, her arousal dripping on Lyra’s face.

“Chill out Bonnie,” Lyra muttered, “Imagine those headlines… ‘A mare drowned while having sex on the top of Statue of Liberty’...”

“Then try not to drown…” Bon Bon rolled her eyes. Lyra liked to talk in bed (or, in this case, on a blanket), often about really weird stuff. Not the weird stuff they liked to do, but even weirder stuff that was making Bon Bon, usually eager to try new things, cringe. For example, she could never look at the hoofballs the same way again.

The only way to stop that was to keep Lyra’s mouth occupied. It wasn’t exactly helping, but at least she was much quieter. Bon Bon stopped thinking, letting the feeling building up in her crotch overcome her. She kept caressing Lyra with her tongue, reaching deeper and deeper into her. The unicorn’s hips bucked and she moaned loudly, being at the verge of orgasm. Bon Bon smirked and retreated from her marefriend’s pussy, earning a spank from her.

She waited for a few moments, till Lyra started to regularly hitting her flank and placed her tongue on her pussy, licking it slowly. Lyra gave out a high-pitched moan and suddenly bit Bon Bon’s hind leg, a stream of juices erupting from her marehood. Bon Bon hissed. It was going to leave a mark but she was ready to forgive Lyra, feeling her magic inside, teasing her nerves exactly in the way she liked.

She was just licking Lyra’s arousal off, when she suddenly felt somepony’s gaze on her. Feeling chill running down her spine, she slowly lifted her head and saw two ponies wearing guards’ uniforms desperately trying not to look at them.

“Oh, fuck me…” she muttered. To her horror, she heard Lyra’s muffled reply that could be only interpreted as “what do you think am I doing right now?”, followed by a magic expanding in the place where, considering the circumstances, it absolutely shouldn’t go.

Although they both liked to experiment, there was a set of rules they were following. One of them, probably the most important, was “solid objects in Bonnie’s anus are a no-no”. This, however, didn’t apply to magic, and Bon Bon soon discovered that this particular part of her body was quite sensitive. Simultaneous stimulation from both sides could end in only one way.

“We can exp– Ooohh!” before she could finish, her sight blurred and her mind drifted off in the most powerful orgasm she had in months. Her muscles twitching, she rolled off Lyra, who lifted her head, wiping Bon Bon’s juices from her eyes.

“Hi guys…” she said, seeing the guards’ surprised faces.

“Smile, Bonnie!” Lyra cracked her widest grin, the one that made her look like a serial killer. Bon Bon stared at the photographer from underneath her eyebrows. The flash blinded her temporarily.

“Okay, now side view…” the guard ordered. After taking a photo, they were walked to the cell.

“I want a lawyer,” Bon Bon said.

“You’ll need it…” the guard deadpanned.

“Hey, you didn’t say what exactly we’re accused of!” Lyra shouted.

“The full list is still being made.” he replied. “But, as you may guess, breaking and public indecency are not your biggest problems…”

“I changed my mind.” Bon Bon said. “I don’t want a lawyer, I want at least ten lawyers…”

“I regret nothing.” Lyra stated.

The door of the cell was locked behind them. Bon Bon sat on a bunk bed, hiding her face in her forelegs.

“Hey, do you think they’ll give us the tape from CCTV?” Lyra asked.

“Lyra… just shut up…”

“Oh come on, tomorrow we’ll call Vinyl, they’ll bail us…”

“That’s what I’m afraid of…”

The door opened and a guard walked in, carrying a long scroll. He cleared his throat and said:

“Well, after checking out reports from the whole town, we accuse you of…”

“...murder of a cabbie, stealing a taxi, abduction, assaulting a guard on duty, filly sexual abuse, breaking, public indecency, driving under influence, teleporting under influence, casting under influence, swearing in public, and property damage. More exactly, crushing several cardboard boxes.” Bon Bon sighed. According to the guards, she could only call one pony. Now she was not sure whether her choice was good.

On the other side, Vinyl was silent.

“Sound like a cool party,” she finally spoke.

Bon Bon facehoofed.

Author's Notes:

The next chapter will probably be the last one.

Also, part of this chapter was inspired by a scribble I saw, that read "fuck old women and young policemen!" The discussion was almost identical.