Author's Notes:

Watch out, ponies having sex ahead. Also, this chapter is even dumber than the first one.

The taxi left the Neighponese district and stopped in front of some old, four-storey building. Vinyl paid the cabbie, who left quickly, as the neighbourhood looked quite shady. At least one taxi-driver a week was going missing there, not to be heard from again. It was Saturday and all his colleagues were alive last time he checked, so he decided not to tempt fate.

“Okay,” Vinyl muttered, “He lives on the third floor.”

They climbed up the stairs. Only few months ago, they’d be stopped and interrogated by the landlord, an old, ill-natured mare, but she recently passed away after some accident involving a kitchen sink, washing machine, and her grandson, a kind, likeable colt who happened to be a cultist of Nightmare Moon. None of the tenants paid attention to the fact that she stopped collecting rent some time ago.

“Hmm, I guess I can sense the unique signature of the Scratch family,” Octavia said, looking at the door to one of the flats. A piece of paper was pinned to it. She trotted closer to it and read:

You’re entering the grounds of Long Play the Cruel. Repo ponies, peddlers, secret agents and aliens will be shot and sold to Griffonian restaurants. If you’re one of those thirteen runty folk metal fans – I’m not going for any adventure with you! Have a nice day.

“Seems like a nice guy,” Lyra commented.

“You’ll see,” Vinyl said and banged at the door. “Come out, imbecile, your little sis came to visit you!”

“Get the buck out!”

“Don’t worry, it’s only temporary problem,” said Vinyl to her friends, “I know how to talk with him.”

She turned back to the door and shouted:

“Your last album sucks Queen Chrysalis’ tits!”

The door immediately opened. The unicorn stallion who stood in it was slightly darker than Vinyl, he had red mane and blue eyes, hidden behind red-tinted sunglasses. Berry immediately thought that it was probably something that any member of the Scratch family had to do: build a house, plant a tree, have a son, and rob a sunglasses factory. He also had a golden earring in his left ear.

“You should listen to your last album,” he said in an annoyed tone, “It sucks so much that I use it instead of a vacuum cleaner.”

“‘Tis the truth,” Berry whispered to Octavia, “One mare gave birth to both of them…”

“Well, that explains why your place is so dirty!” Vinyl shouted, “Also, what were you thinking while choosing guest stars? Really, bro? Sapphire Shores?”

“I could never understand what do you have against Sapphire…”

“It’s like, you ended on this album, like Maretallica ended on ‘Kill ‘em All’! Mainstream manure matching masses’ musical taste. Really, nopony in MTV Equestria was interested in my new album, they kept asking me if you rutted Sapphire Shores!”

“I guess it’s some kind of family feud…” Octavia whispered.

“I’d rather call it ‘pissing contest’, but we can agree on ‘family feud’, if you like,” Bon Bon replied.

“I said that of course, four times a day, and we have a threesome every Thursday. I guess I can’t get another restraining order for that?”

“You’d better check your guest stars! I mean, who the fuck is Lyra Heartstrings?”

Lyra cleared her throat.

“Lyra Heartstrings, at your service,” she deadpanned, looking directly in Long Play’s eyes.

There’s an old story about a pony, who looked into the eyes of Death himself, and came back to tell a tale. At the moment, Long Play could see exactly how that pony felt.

“Oh, I remember you…” he stuttered, “Well, you can come in, as long as you won’t be doing anything to my bathtub.”

“Okay, don’t worry. By the way, I think I’ll call my next album ‘Who The Fuck Is Lyra Heartstrings’...” She smiled and blinked at him. He sighed with relief.

“And about you, sis…” he turned to Vinyl. “You’re the most obnoxious, annoying, bucked-up runt in the world, but I love you.”

“Love you too, bro. Even though your music is the worst thing that happened to ponykind since the malfunction of sanitation system in Cloudsdale.”

“I heard the same thing about your music…”

Their quarrel continued when they entered the flat. It looked similarly to Vinyl’s room in Ponyville – speakers, vinyl records and old copies of Playcolt were scattered around the floor and furniture. Bon Bon went to bathroom to take a shower, while Lyra found a can of beer somewhere, sat on the couch and opened it. Berry wasn’t surprised. She sometimes thought that Lyra was partially a genie – she was always magically appearing after somepony opened a bottle. Yet, she never got the ‘three wishes’ part, unless somepony wished to have a weird conversation about conspiracy theories or unknown parts of Equestria’s history.

“Breakfast of champions?” Berry asked, “Even I don’t start that early…”

“I have to wash the Scratch’s taste off my mouth.”

“Wow, sis, I never thought you can be so faithful.” Long Play smirked. “It’s been, like, six years and you two are still together?”

“We are not,” said Vinyl, “Actually it’s a bit complicated… You see, Lyra is now with…”

“Aaaa!” They heard Bon Bon’s high-pitched scream from the bathroom.

“She saw your toilet…” Vinyl deadpanned.

“Is it also genetic?” Octavia asked, shaking her head.

“No way, I cleaned it recently… I guess she found Betty.”

“Who’s Betty?” Octavia asked, her eyes wide. If Long Play was similar to his sister, Betty could be everything, from a dead foal floating in a jar of formaldehyde, to a skeleton of a long-dead ancestor of the Scratch family hanging upside-down from the ceiling. The cellist recalled her own fillyhood and shuddered.

“My tarantula. I couldn’t find it anywhere.”

“Don’t worry, I got this,” said Lyra. She slowly drank the rest of the beer, crushed the can and put it on the coffee table. Then she trotted to the bathroom.

“What’s going on, Bonnie?”

“There’s a body in the bathtub!”

“Oh crap!” Long Play exclaimed and galloped to the bathroom, more afraid of Lyra being in close proximity to his bathtub than the fact that somepony died in it.

When he entered the bathroom, he saw Bon Bon sitting on Lyra’s back and trembling in fear. The green unicorn was poking an orange stallion, whose face was covered with a hat, lying in the bathtub.

“He’s alive,” she said, “He’s just more plastered than you, Bonnie.”

“It’s Grumpy,” Long Play explained, “We had a small party yesterday.”

He leaned to the sleeping stallion and shouted:

“Wake up, Grumpy! You should be home, feeding your cat!”

Grumpy opened his eyes and looked at them half-consciously.

“Yyyyou b-brought ladies?” he asked and reached his hoof to Lyra. “Hello, sweetheart…”

“Touch me and I’ll twist your family jewels in a way that is not anatomically possible,” she deadpanned.

“Party’s over, Grumpy,” said Long Play, “Go home, you’re drunk.”

“Yessssssir…” Grumpy stood up and staggered out of the bathroom, faceplanting in the hall. Vinyl helped him to get up and led him to the door. Judging by the sounds, he fell off the stairs just after he left the flat.

“Can I wash myself now?” Bon Bon asked.

“Yes, just remember that if you find a tarantula, her name’s Betty and she’s more scared of you than you’re of her.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Soon, they all were clean. Long Play, in spite of his place’s mediocre state, had a well-stocked fridge, and Vinyl was a good cook, so the breakfast was also of decent quality.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Long Play asked, “Some sightseeing? A movie night?”

“If your taste in movies is better than Vinyl’s…” Octavia said, “Last time I let her choose movies, we ended up watching ‘Royal Guards’ Casting Couch III’.”

“No spoilers!” he exclaimed, “I haven’t seen the second part yet.”

“Don’t worry, bro, the action didn’t really move forward since the first one,” Vinyl said, “Also, Octy, when you made me watch ‘Saving Private Braeburn’ I had nightmares for a week.”

“What nightmares?” Berry asked.

“I had a dream that I became a gunner on an airship and Cloudchaser was trying to shoot me.”

“Who is Cloudchaser?”

“She’s that sweet pegasus with crazy mane, who totally bangs her own sister.”

“Ahh, this one. She doesn’t bang her sister.”

“No?” Vinyl’s face expressed pure disappointment. “But they look so cute together…”

“Listen, Vinyl, here’s the biggest database of gossip in Ponyville.” Berry pointed at her head. “Gabby Gums can kiss my flanks. If anypony in town bangs their siblings, parents, pets or some unlucky tourists kept in basement, I’m the first to know about that, trust me.”

“And how about Aloe and Lotus? They surely–”

“Listen, Vinyl, do you have any unresolved issues regarding incest? Because we can fix it while we’re still in Manehattan…”

“Of course not,” Vinyl turned to Long Play, “Sorry, bro, I just don’t love you that much.”

“Thank Celestia,” he sighed.

“I think we’d better go sightseeing first,” said Lyra, “What wrong can possibly happen?”

“This is so wrong on so many levels…” Vinyl muttered, looking at the terrible abomination in front of her.

“Oh, come on,” Octavia said, “It’s not that bad. Ponies in Canterlot eat that all the time.”

“Do I look like a pony from Canterlot?” Vinyl sighed. The fact that Lyra and Bon Bon made it up was an additional blow for her.

“Well, you played on Princess Cadance’s wedding,” Long Play said, “By the way, can you introduce me to her? She’s hot…”

“As soon as we get home, I’m writing a letter to Shining Armor,” Berry announced, carefully prodding the food in front of her with a fork. “He should know about a unicorn sibling that wants to fornicate with his wife.”

“He can join us too, I don’t mind. I almost did his sister, after all.”

“What do you mean by ‘almost’?” Long Play asked Vinyl, “You described me in detail what you did with Twilight Sparkle and now you’re saying that you lied to me?”

“Pissing contest, round two,” Bon Bon deadpanned.

“I didn’t! I told you what would happen if she hadn’t decided that she wasn’t into mares after all! But otherwise, we’d totally bang!” Vinyl shouted, much to the other restaurant’s guests’ dismay. The citizens of Manehattan were used to many weird things, like ponies randomly bursting into songs and swinging around street lamps, but ponies claiming that they did nasty things to members of royalty (usually all of them) were sooner or later put in a special room, where the attentive personnel was carefully checking on the inmates, preventing them from hurting themselves, and where there were no knobs at the doors, just in case.

“Umm… Maybe we’ll discuss this later?” Lyra proposed, “I wanted to see the Statue of Liberty without any of you trying to push another one off of it.”

“Okay, but you’ll give me that ten bits back, sis!”

They finished the dinner in silence and went down the Bridleway. Lyra started humming some tune to the rhythm of her hoofsteps.

“Are you going to sing?” Vinyl asked, “You know, I always wanted to walk down the street singing and watch the crowd of ponies joining me.”

“I have to remind you that we live in a town where such things happen at least twice a week,” Berry said.

“Oh, come on… Nothing ever happens in Ponyville.”

“Yeah, except Nightmare Moon, Discord harrassing me with a pepper shaker, plants trying to deflower me, and Twilight Sparkle when she’s off her meds. Totally nothing.”

“Wait,” Lyra said, “You have a daughter, so how those plants could–”

“Let’s say that if I were Princess Luna, they’d try to attack the dark side of the Moon, okay?”

Lyra nodded. Astronomy wasn’t her thing, but she enjoyed astronomical analogies even more than Vinyl, who, after all, spent a large part of the previous night next to the seventh planet of the Solar System.

“I’m still saying that it could be worse,” said Vinyl, “I can even sing a song about that… Lyra, Octavia?”

“Yes ma’am,” Lyra replied, with her guitar in her hooves. Berry recalled that she was carrying it on her back for the whole time, it just didn’t jump out. Octavia took a bass guitar, which Berry just couldn’t explain, same as the fact that Vinyl was now sitting behind the piano while Bon Bon was testing a drum kit.

Vinyl, Octavia, and Lyra sung in close harmony:

Long Play, who got a robe and wizard hat somewhere, joined them, while Vinyl focused on playing the piano.

Lyra started to play a slow guitar solo, and Berry noticed that she somehow managed to get an electric guitar instead of the old, acoustic one. She closed her eyes, becoming one with the music. Suddenly, she stopped playing, leaving only Vinyl playing a single chord on a piano. The DJ levitated a pair of fake blue wings, a necklace with the crescent moon on it, and put them on, singing:

The crowd around them answered. Before Berry realised that, she was also singing:

Lyra sung “Galileo!” from the top of the Statue of Liberty, with the highest voice she could muster. Vinyl answered the call.

Then they shouted “Magnifico!” together, while Vinyl made a paper hat from a map of the Moon, put it on and continued singing:

The crowd answered:

Vinyl played a short passage on the piano and sung:

The crowd, however, wasn’t so nice, engaging into an argument:

Lyra started to play another solo, this time much faster. Berry got to the microphone and started to sing with her:

Lyra continued her solo, gradually slowing it down, the sounds of the guitar overlapping with Vinyl’s piano. The DJ continued to sing slowly:

She ended with a high note. Lyra, Bon Bon, and Octavia sung “but the dragon’s smoke blows…” before she silenced them by hitting a gong next to her piano. Berry looked around and said:

“Okay, that was cool and all, but this guy wants his map of the Moon back, and the music store owner says that while it’s generally not allowed to borrow his instruments, he can forgive us this time.”

Vinyl smiled sheepishly at the stallion who was now trying to drag the piano back into the store and unfolded her paper hat.

“Good,” said Bon Bon, “But now we have to get Lyra back from the Statue of Liberty. He did she even get there?”

“Magic,” Octavia deadpanned, “At least that’s what Vinyl says every time when she ‘accidentally’ teleports into my bed.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that I suck in teleportation…”

“And in many other things, if what I heard is true…” Long Play added.

“Et tu, Long Play, contra me?” Vinyl asked, shooting her brother a death glare.

“Pax,” Octavia said, “Let’s get Lyra and go home, it’s getting late and I’d like to watch some movies…”

“‘Daring Do and The Golden Shower’? Ugh…” Berry put the cassette back on the shelf and wiped her hoof in the carpet.

“You’re looking at the wrong shelf,” said Vinyl, “Everything here is categorised, see? Adventure, horror, comedy, and, umm… romance.”

Berry sighed and rolled her eyes, suddenly realising that she survived almost whole day without doing that. Weird, considering that she didn’t plan to spend a weekend in Manehattan and sing songs in public.

“How about this one?” Octavia asked, taking a cassette labelled ‘The Appleloosa Chainsaw Massacre’. “I liked it when I was a little filly.”

“I guess you were a lovely kid…” Bon Bon deadpanned.

“You’d never guess.”

Octavia checked out the chair and put a plug into the socket. The red light on the control panel lit up, indicating that all the wires were properly connected. Octavia smirked.

“Fiddlesticks!” she called her cousin. Her yellow coat was contrasting with the colour of Octavia’s room: black walls, black carpet, red bed sheets and a white skull lying in the corner, next to the small guillotine and a headless doll.

“What’s up, Octy?” Fiddlesticks asked.

“Can you sit in the chair?”

“Why?” Fiddlesticks asked unsurely, sitting in the chair.

“Because we’re going to play a game,” Octavia replied, strapping her cousin’s forelegs to the chair.

“What game?”

“It’s called ‘is there a Faust?’...”

“May I propose a game?” Long Play asked.

“Of course, I love games,” Octavia said. For some reason she started to wonder why her cousin Fiddlesticks didn’t want to visit her anymore.

“Drink everytime somepony in the movie loses a limb. The last pony standing wins.”

“Well, I like such games too,” Berry laughed, sitting on a couch with a bottle of whisky in her hooves. Long Play immediately started to worry about his liquor stash. It was large, of course. As a musician he had to be constantly connected to the liquid inspiration, but considering the fact that among his guests were his sister, Lyra “Demolition Mare” Heartstrings, and Berry Punch, whom he didn’t know exactly, but she looked like an experienced drunk. Heck, even Octavia, before she finally got a memo that overusing a black eyeliner, and “I will kill you slowly” expression weren’t cool anymore, was able to outdrink almost everypony in Canterlot. Long Play looked at Bon Bon unsurely. He didn’t know her, but, assuming that Lyra hadn’t changed much since the college, anypony who’d dare to pick her up would have to be either permanently drunk or missing some marbles herself.

He decided that he’d worry about it later and instead focused on the plot of the movie. He didn’t have to wait long for the first argument over the interpretation of the rules.

“Hmm, three limbs at once…” Lyra muttered, looking at the screen with interest. “Does it make three drinks or one?”

“I’d get three,” said Bon Bon, who was hugging her marefriend tightly since the first scene. Octavia also drank three times, not even realising it, completely wrapped up in the plot of the movie. Long Play took one, looking unsurely at Lyra. To his relief, she also took only one sip.

“Ouch, that was nice…” Vinyl smirked.

“Chainsaws doesn’t work that way,” Berry said, “If you tried to do that, it’d bounce backwards and change your face into a puzzle for a plastic surgeon.”

“Meh.” To Berry’s surprise, Vinyl rolled her eyes. “Who cares? It looks cool, that’s important.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s why he’s wearing that mask?” Lyra asked.

“No, he was born like that,” Octavia muttered, “I watched the prequel.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me…” Long Play shuddered. “It’s official: there were no prequels or sequels to this movie. Whoever mentions one, drinks five times.”

The rule was approved by acclamation. For a while they watched in silence, taking sips occasionally.

“Awesome!” Vinyl exclaimed, “Berry, smartass, is it possible for blood to squirt like that?”

“Actually, yes.”

“Cool…”

“Hey, actually ‘The Next Generation’ was good!” Octavia exclaimed out of the blue.

“You drink five times. No exceptions.”

Octavia muttered something about Long Play’s mother under her breath, and poured herself another whisky.

“Hmm, have you ever noticed that it’s always the prude unicorn mare who survives at the end?” Lyra asked. She started to like the movie better since Bon Bon finally gave up watching and buried her face in her coat.

“Yeah, it’s the same rule as ‘earth pony dies first’. Unless there’s a zebra, then zebra dies first,” Berry explained, taking another sip, when a pegasus’ wing hit the camera, leaving a trail of obviously fake blood on the screen.

“Hmm, so we’re doomed,” Vinyl said calmly, “Octavia is prude, but she’d die first. Then Bon Bon, because she’s the most prone to panic. Then Berry–”

“No, then you’d die, because the killer would be tired of you trying to buck him, even with a chainsaw in the guts. I’d be the one who knows that you shouldn’t split the team when somepony gets killed in a gruesome manner.”

“Yeah, right. Eggheads don’t live long.”

“I think Lyra would make a good final filly,” Long Play said, “She’d survive the whole movie, kick the killer in the balls and get beheaded in the first five minutes of ‘The Appleloosa Chainsaw Massacre 2’.”

“You mentioned the sequel.” Octavia laughed. Long Play sighed and drank five sips.

“Hmm,” Bon Bon muttered, her voice muffled by Lyra’s coat. “I don’t think Lyra would survive, she’s as far away from ‘prude’ as possible.”

“Hey, I’m relatively prude in comparison to Vinyl. And I’m a unicorn.”

“Yeah, right,” Bon Bon deadpanned, “Berry’s kitchen. Table. Blender.”

“Hmm, Long Play, do you want to buy a table? I can give you my blender for free.”

“No, thanks.”

“And it was the last time you two were ‘taking care of my house’ when I was away.”

Few more lost limbs and one fortunate escape later, the movie ended. Vinyl felt a pleasant buzz. She was half sitting and half lying on the couch. Berry, also rather tipsy, was sitting next to her, while the rest, their level of drunkenness varying from Bon Bon’s “almost completely sober” to “I am *hic* NOT drunk!” in Octavia’s case. Long Play decided to go to his bedroom, while Lyra and Bon Bon decided to empty his fridge.

“Vinyl,” Berry said slowly, “Do you know that everypony is a philosopher when drunk?”

“I have a feeling that we already had this conversation…”

“Maybe… You know, I’m an engineer when sober and philosopher when drunk. Ain’t that funny?”

“Is that some sick pick up line, or you’re just trying to bore me to death?”

“Don’t mind me, my IQ just lowered after watching that movie with you. But I see that yours is even lower.”

Vinyl looked at her. Or rather in her general direction.

“If you weren’t drunk, I’d kick your flank so hard that your cutie mark would change into jam…”

“Yeah, right…”

For a moment they were just staring at each other in silence. A silly thought formed deep in the abyss of Vinyl’s brain: she recalled all those trashy romance novels Octavia was hiding in her room, and how staring at each other in silence usually was ending up with a kiss. Whisky she’d drunk was now telling her that Berryshine B. Punch is actually a nice and handsome mare, and that little Berry Pinch wasn’t really as snarky and condescending kid as she remembered her, and she’d probably be happy having a new mommy. She was just thinking about making a first step, when Berry said:

“Lower my IQ more, Vinyl…”

“That’s the kinkiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Vinyl, you’re dumber than I thought.”

“Oh, sorry that I don’t follow your enormous, encyclopaedic brain, Engineer…” Vinyl deadpanned.

Berry sighed and rolled her eyes. When she did so, her vision slightly blurred before sharpening again. She knew what it meant. The whisky was now at the wheel. She just had to find something to focus on. Otherwise she’d surely do something she’d regret.

“You promised me that you’d tell me what happened during Sparkler’s 18th birthday, remember?”

“Oh, yeah…” Vinyl smiled at her memories. She sat straight, stretched her hooves, and scratched her flank.

“Sit back, children, auntie Vinyl will tell you a story…” she said, “It was that one time when I baked cookies for Sparkler’s birthday…”

Vinyl smiled behind her turntables. She saw that the cookies she brought almost disappeared, devoured by the guests. She turned the music louder. The beat, smell of sweat and cheering of a small crowd of dancing ponies were almost bringing her to an orgasm. Well, a certain cute stallion with a skilful tongue, who was crouching beneath the turntables also played a role in that. Vinyl started to wonder how long she’d be able to keep a straight face before somepony would notice.

She saw Octavia dancing with Sparkler. They were both blushing and laughing. Octavia only recently got past her “dark” phase and was now prettier than she was ever before. In the background she saw Lyra’s classmate, Twilight Sparkle, who was now lying on the couch, chuckling to herself, perhaps after eating one cookie too much. Vinyl noticed a book lying next to her.

“Probably something about birthday parties,” she muttered to herself. “No, don’t stop…” She patted the stallion’s head.

She scratched the record, moaning with pleasure. Watching the ponies dance to her music was the best prize for her. Her eyes were scanning the crowd, looking for her fillyhood friend, Lyra Heartstrings.

Since she first saw her, she knew what was going on with Lyra. Her humbleness and timidity weren’t very strong clues. The fact that every stallion who wanted to ask her out was either greeted with indifference or dumped after a short and awkward date, however, was one. Vinyl wasn’t even surprised, when one day Lyra came to her and asked her for help.

Lyra Heartstrings, the most loveable pony in Canterlot, was in the closet. The closet with glass door, judging by the rumours, but still.

That was actually one of the reasons why Vinyl brought cookies. She hoped that in the more relaxed atmosphere, it’d be easier for Lyra to come out. At first she wasn’t sure about that idea, but then she decided to do that, as Lyra was responsible and wouldn’t do anything stupid.

Meanwhile, Lyra was sitting on the bathroom floor, charging her horn repeatedly and firing spells at the floor beneath the bathtub. Suddenly the door opened.

“Lyra, what are you doing here?” Sparkler asked.

“Hey, Sparky, happy birthday once more! I’m trying to lift the bathtub.”

“Why do you want to lift my bathtub?” Sparkler asked. Something about Lyra’s behaviour seemed off for her, but, on the other hoof, there could be a logical explanation. Sparkler thought that the cookies she ate were making her feel funny.

“There’s a treasure hidden under the floor,” Lyra said. Sparkler looked at her, confused, before something clicked in her head.

“Let me help you,” she said, charging her horn. Together, they levitated the bathtub aside.

“Hey, Sparkler, Cloudchaser is looking for you– what the hay are you two doing?” Octavia asked, entering the bathroom.

“Digging the treasure!” Lyra shouted. Octavia looked at her, outraged.

“Without me?” she exclaimed, “Cloudchaser! Flitter! Allie! Come here and help us!”

Soon, the six ponies were trying to break the floor with their hooves or magic. The small explosions of beams were slowly crushing the concrete.

“We’re close!” Lyra exclaimed, when the hole was few inches deep. She charged her horn for the last time.

“Thud!” The floor was obliterated. They quickly stared through the hole, to see the flat below them and a neighbour, a middle aged unicorn stallion.

The stallion looked at Lyra, rising his eyebrow.

Lyra looked at her friends unsurely.

The stallion looked at the ponies gathered above him.

Lyra looked at the stallion, scrunching her face.

The stallion opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something.

Lyra’s brain finally processed all the informations that recently came to it, and after being processed by her drugged grey cells, her thoughts were finally worded:

“GIVE US THE TREASURE BACK, CUNT!”

“And then I spent the rest of the night, trying to convince that guy to not call the guards.”

“Oh really? And how did you accomplish that?”

“I simply told him that Lyra is…” for a moment she was looking for the right word, and ended up circling her hoof around her ear. Berry nodded.

“Well, even Sparkler finally forgave us. That is, after Lyra paid her for the bathroom renovation.”

“And how about Lyra? If you’d give spiked cookies to me, your body would never be found…”

“Hey, I might have silly ideas, but I’m not a bastard. Actually, I paid for that bathroom. You know, Lyra was a poor student of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, while I just got my first contract.”

“No way. Good Filly Vinyl…” Berry chuckled.

“Also, she came to me the next day, and… you may guess.”

“What did I expect…” Berry facehoofed.

“Yeah… Everything in my life revolves around sex and alcohol. How did it happen? I was such an innocent, little filly…”

“Vinyl, please… You’re giving me headache when you’re yourself, but you’re giving me even bigger headache when you’re asking me such questions…”

“But I want to know…”

“Vinyl, for buck’s sake… I can’t even imagine you as an innocent filly, so don’t expect me to tell you what happened to you.” Berry sighed and rolled her eyes. “I’m going to sleep.”

She stood up and walked staggeringly to the bathroom.

“Everypony left me…” Vinyl muttered. For a moment she was thinking about a certain shelf in her brother’s movie collection, the one containing movies about ponies having relationships with other ponies, but she felt that she wasn’t in the mood. In fact, she wanted to follow Berry’s example and go to sleep.

“I wonder how’s Long Play doing…”

As soon as Long Play closed the door of his bedroom, he sighed with relief. His flat was still in one piece. None of Vinyl’s friends seemed drunk enough to cause problems bigger than emptying his fridge. It was a price he could afford.

He stretched his hooves, took off the sunglasses and lay down on his bed. He was just about to fall asleep, when he heard somepony’s sweet voice:

“Hello, sweetheart…”

He looked left and saw Octavia emerging from behind his nightstand. Upon hearing her voice, he realised that she definitely had few sips too many during the game.

“Umm… hi…” he said, wrapping himself tightly in his blanket. Octavia was slowly approaching his bed, her smile resembling the hungry shark swimming towards the hapless victim.

“Are you okay?” he asked, “You know, if you want I can go sleep on the couch…”

“No, it’s not necessary…” There was something wrong about Octavia, he knew that for sure. “I’ve been waiting for you…”

“Yeah?”

“You know, as far as I hate to admit it, your sister can be cute sometimes, yet I’m not into mares… But you…”

“Octy, I assure you, it’s not a good idea… You’ve been drinking for two days in a row and–”

“Do you want to see me naked?”

“Well, technically, you’re always–” he was silenced by a pink bowtie hitting his face.

“Now it’s much better…” Octavia said, sitting on the edge of his bed and running her hoof down her mane. “Come on, sweetheart…”

“Don’t do that. You’ll regret that tomorrow…”

Octavia sighed and caught his blanket, pulling it off him. Long Play immediately covered the strategically important parts of his body with his tail, but it was too late.

“Oh, now I know why they call you Long Play…” Octavia smirked and kissed his cheek, causing him to blush.

“Celestia save us…” he whispered.

“No, sweetie,” she said, “We don’t need any princesses here, just you and me…”

“I’m not sure if I want to do that…”

“Why?” she asked, poking him with her hooves. “You’re not gay, are you?”

A brilliant idea struck his mind.

“Of course I am! I’m more gay than Elton Colt walking through the centre of San Flankcisco, wearing a pair of pink thongs!”

“Yeah, right…” She caught his tail and put it aside, revealing the proof that he found her attractive at least on purely physiological level. She looked at it, her smile growing wider.

“Also, sweetie, remember that we’ve seen your porn collection… Relax, I’m a cellist, I have flexible hooves...” she whispered seducingly, licking her lips, her hooves slowly going south. He wanted to object, but when Octavia shifted her position, her nether regions suddenly appeared in front of his face. Suddenly, he heard the sound of his bedroom door opening and a familiar voice saying:

“Hey, bro, I was just wondering what are you… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Nothing!” he exclaimed, pushing Octavia of off him rather brutally. She landed on the floor, glared at him angrily and went to Vinyl.

“I’m sorry, I think I should ask first,” she said, “Vinyl, can I buck the crap out of your brother?”

“What? Octy, are you…” she smelled her roommate. “Of course you’re drunk!”

“So are you,” Octavia replied, “So, can I?”

“Of course not! I see that you don’t hate my genes, you hate me!”

“Err… what?” Long Play looked at his sister, confused. Vinyl’s logic was often hard to follow for other ponies, but he usually was able to know what was going on in his sister’s mind. This time, he got nothing.

“Shut up, I’m not talking to you!” Vinyl shouted. She turned to Octavia:

“We live together, every day I’m showing you how much I love you, and as soon as we go to Manehattan, you have to buck my brother? What happened to you?”

“Your ‘showing’ is simply creepy! You never listen to me when I’m telling you that I’m not a fillyfooler! You scared away every stallion I was dating! And your brother is so hot, even though he’s so dumb…”

“What?” Long Play asked, raising his brow.

“Shut up!” They shouted in unison. Vinyl continued:

“Those stallions were idiots! I am the one who loves you. I’m doing the dishes. I’m buying the milk. I learned to flush the toilet after every use. I brought you carbon when you had diarr–”

Octavia wrapped her forelegs around Vinyl’s neck and kissed her passionately. Long Play quickly covered himself with a blanket and watched them as they were hugging each other in seemingly endless embrace.

Finally, Octavia broke a kiss. She smirked, blushing heavily.

“Sorry, it was the only way to make you shut up,” she explained.

“Oh, come on,” Vinyl replied, and hugged her. Their lips locked again. Long Play was trying his best not to look at his sister, focusing on Octavia instead. Officially, he wasn’t into incest, but he didn’t want to suddenly find out that he was. This day was weird enough even without the first chair cellist of Canterlot Orchestra trying to assault him sexually in his own bed. Not to mention the same cellist now making out with his sister.

“Umm, girls…” he said, seeing that ‘making out’ part was quickly escalating, “Will you, umm… need me for something?”

“No,” said Vinyl. She was now lying on the floor, pinned to it by Octavia.

“Yes,” the grey mare panted.

“What?” Vinyl exclaimed, “No, Tavi, no threesomes with siblings for you.”

“Why not?”

“I’d feel awkward…”

“Vinyl,” Octavia sighed, “Your whole life is awkward… I guess your parents said ‘well, that was awkward’ after they made you…”

“Actually, they said ‘can’t you knock?’” Long Play muttered. Vinyl looked at him, dumbfounded.

“Never mind,” Octavia said, “Besides, Vinyl, it’s the only chance…”

“So, it’s like product bundling? Like, when I buy a cheesecake and I’m given a milkshake, even though I’m allergic and–” Octavia put her hoof on her lips.

“More or less. But today, you’ll enjoy your milkshake… “

“I’m not sure if I want…” Vinyl gave Long Play a helpless look.

“Close your eyes and think of Equestria, sis. Besides, it’s not incest when Octavia’s between us.”

Unlike Berry, Vinyl had no habit of sighing and rolling her eyes, so she failed to do so, instead locking her gaze with Octavia. There was something about those violet irises, something she couldn’t resist.

“Come on, let’s go to bed, the floor is cold.”

Octavia helped Vinyl to stand up and they sat on the bed, still hugging each other.

“Excuse me, bro, give us some place here…” Vinyl said and cleared her throat. She then turned to Octavia, who lay on the bad, spreading her hind legs.

“As you’re new to the art of fillyfooling, let me introduce you to the ancient technique I learned from the sensei Cunning Linguist long time ago, when I was in a remote monastery in the inaccessible, snowy mountains of Trotbet. They rarely let anypony outside of Neighsia explore their ways of giving pleasure to another pony, so–”

“Wait,” Long Play interrupted her, “That Cunning Linguist… Wasn’t that the mama-san in that brothel in Hayland, where I found you, stoned out of your mind, among the transcolt prostitutes?”

“Buck you,” Vinyl replied, “You’re ruining the mood.”

“I can’t buck myself with you two here…”

“And you should be happy that you met me there and I told you that they were transcolts. You know, when they take the clothes off, it’s too late to escape…”

“Excuse me,” Octavia said, “As far as I’m interested in what you learned during your stay in Neighsia, I’d rather see the practical use of it…”

“Okay… umm… where was I?”

“You were trying to convince me that you allegedly possess skills that will make me come so hard that I’ll start to shit fire.”

Long Play felt that it was time for him to intervene.

“Umm… Can you not do this in my bedroom? I’m very attached to it. And if you really want to do this, I know some Mexicolt restaurant…”

“Shut up, you’ll be next…” Octavia smiled at him menacingly. It was a kind of smile that was passed down through generations of Canterlot nobleponies, usually saved on occasions such as presenting someone an offer they couldn’t refuse. Of course, the smile itself wasn’t enough. Usually it was supported by a large sum of money, covert threat, or just a bunch of henchponies armed with bows, ready to change the poor guy on the other side of the arrow into a fancy pincushion.

Octavia had neither money, nor a squad of archers, yet her menacing smile was pretty convincing. It had something to do with natural selection, imprinting a belief that mares with wide hips were better mothers in every stallion’s brain. Long Play, being a simple pony he was, just couldn’t fight the thousands of years of evolution. Not to mention that the wide hips’ owner was also a beautiful mare with raven hair and mulberry eyes.

Of course there was also a simple explanation for that: most of the blood in Long Play’s system wasn’t currently in his brain, so his logical thinking ability was slightly impaired.

Vinyl lowered her head, putting it between Octavia’s hind legs. She ran her tongue down the cellist’s marehood, teasing her clitoris with the tip of it.

Octavia gave out a little moan and began yanking Vinyl’s mane, wrapping her hind legs around her neck. The DJ continued to play with her pussy, exploring its deeper parts with her tongue, described by the tabloids as one of the longest tongues of Equestria’s celebrities. Octavia could never understand why those reporters had came to their house just to measure it.

Well, now she knew exactly. She bit her hoof, but it didn’t help: her moan could be heard in a flat below the Long Play’s place, where it woke up a young, aspiring dressmaker, who recently became famous among the Manehattan fashion designers after she quit her job by pouring a pot of coffee on her boss’ head. It’s interesting how easy is to get recognised, if you have a lot of charm and some sass.

Now the mare, who had fallen asleep at the drawing board, looked around groggily and put her hooves on her ears to not hear the pony upstairs, who, judging by the moans, was now being pleasured with a jackhammer. She began contemplating her life. Since she started her new job, for a well-known fashionista from Ponyville, she was working almost constantly. She barely remembered how her bed looked like, she was drinking tons of coffee and was almost impossibly frustrated. Hearing another mare having the time of her life, was the last straw.

She thought about that cute stallion she’d met few weeks ago, who gave her his phone number. She never called him, too busy to think about that. As she recalled, he was also overworked, filling tons of papers. Even at that hour, he was probably awake.

Hesitantly, she took her phone and began dialing his number.

Thirty years later, a young scientist called Nikki Pommel became widely known in Equestria, after she developed a stem cell-based therapy of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, saving lives of many ponies. When she was given a Twilight Sparkle’s award for that, she dedicated it to her parents, making a mental note to ask them how they’d actually meet. She hoped that this story would make a great beginning of her autobiography.

Octavia bucked her hips in a post-orgasm bliss. Vinyl was lying next to her, panting. Contrary to many trashy romance novels, pleasing a mare with a tongue wasn’t an easy task. It required strength, stamina and some basic knowledge on anatomy. Not to mention that mare juices didn’t exactly taste like apples, cupcakes, peppermint or whatever the pony in question liked to eat. Vinyl wasn’t even sure how Octavia would taste if it was true.

She had no time to think about this, although the thought about Octavia tasting like cello was certainly interesting. Her roommate sat down, placing her hooves on her stomach.

“Do you know how much flexibility is needed to play cello properly?” she asked, rubbing Vinyl’s belly. “Well, you’ll see…” she smiled, lowering her hooves. She turned to Long Play, lifting her tail.

“And you, honey, come here. Your little sis might be the best pussylicker around, but I still need something bigger down there…”

Long Play didn’t have to be told twice. Earlier, he had to resist the temptation to push himself over the edge while watching Vinyl and Octavia having sex and he was now hornier than an average unicorn should be. He put his forelegs on the cellist’s flanks, and slowly slid his penis into her tight pussy, still wet after Vinyl’s playing with it. Octavia shuddered, clenching her muscles around it. She then focused on Vinyl, pushing her hoof into her marehood.

In the kitchen, Bon Bon’s ears perked.

“Have you hear that?”

“What?” Lyra asked, and burped. She was sitting on the floor, rubbing her stomach.

“These moans.”

“Ah, this.” Lyra listened for a moment. “Well, either somepony tries to strangle a cat, or Vinyl just got lucky.”

“Ugh… Thanks for the mental image. Now I’ll have to throw up all this food…”

“Meh,” Lyra replied, unfazed by her marefriend’s problems. “There’s only one interesting thing about that: who is that lucky pony?”

“Lyra, please…”

“Well, either she bruises the beaver, which is the most likely, slightly gross, but morally acceptable, or she gets shagged by her brother, which is less likely, creepy and immoral. She may also scored with Octavia, it’s unlikely, but morally acceptable and, I must admit, adorable. Like, I’d clop to that. And I don’t think she invited Berry for a ride, unless I missed the sound of Tartarus freezing over.”

Bon Bon made a gagging sound.

“Do you want me to hold your mane so you don’t get vomit in it?”

“No, thanks, I think it’s a false alarm… ”

‘Don’t worry, I washed my hooves after the shower…”

“Why did you need to wash your hooves after the shower?” Bon Bon asked. Vinyl’s moans intensified, causing her head to ache.

“I, umm… got a bit excited when I had to save you from that dead guy in the bathtub, and I had to–”

“Okay, I get it,” Bon Bon interrupted her quickly. “You should’ve told me, we’d find some nice, quiet place…”

“Actually, I think I know one place…” Lyra leaned to Bon Bon and whispered something to her ear. They both giggled, stood up, and quickly left the flat.

Princess Celestia’s bedroom was dark and quiet, silence interrupted only by snoring of the white alicorn lying on her back, limbs spread wide. She was tossing and turning, visibly bothered by something. Suddenly, she opened one eye.

“Luna?” she asked groggily.

“I’M IN MY ROOM, SISTER!” Royal Canterlot Voice echoed through the palace.

“Be quiet! Have you called me?”

“No, Tia!” Luna shouted back. It was much quieter now, the guards patrolling nearby corridors sighed with relief and removed earplugs from their ears. “I’m too busy shooting noobs…”

“Strange, I swear I heard somepony calling my name…” Celestia shook her head.

“Sweet bucking Celestia!” Vinyl cried, her body twitching in an orgasm. Long Play and Octavia fell out of bed. The cellist landed on the top and was now riding Vinyl’s brother in a way that would make every cowgirl proud.

Vinyl couldn’t help but admire the grace of Octavia’s moves. Long Play’s stomach was just flooded with her juices, when she threw back her head, climaxing. Poor stallion couldn’t withstand for any longer; he called Celestia’s name in vain and a thick stream of his semen hit against Octavia’s pussy. The grey mare fell limply on him, panting.

“Wow…” Vinyl muttered, “Octy, where did you learn to do that… thing with your hooves?”

“I feel lonely sometimes…” Octavia blushed heavily. Vinyl wasn’t sure if it was only effect of her previous activities.

“You need to come more often…” Long Play panted, “I mean, to Manehattan…” He looked at his lower body, now covered in various fluids. “I think I’ll go to wash myself…”

He left his room, leaving Vinyl and Octavia cuddling on the bed, and headed to the bathroom. He turned on the light, went inside and looked the door.

“Hello, sweetheart…” He froze upon hearing a raspy, lust and alcohol-filled voice from his bathtub.

“Horsefeathers…” he muttered.

“Wait,” Berry said looking at Long Play, “Did we…?”

“No, you passed out before you had a chance to reach me,” Long Play explained, “I decided to stay with you to make sure nothing would happen to you.”

“Hmm, I think I should thank you…” Berry blushed.

“Yeah… You know, ponies sleeping in my bathtub is apparently a new tradition…”

The door opened.

“Oh, hi bro,” Vinyl said, trotting inside. She looked at Berry and grinned widely.

“Wow, bro, I thought that Octy bucked all the strength out of you, but I see that you also had some fun time with Berry… But you should watch out, she looks for a new daddy for her daughter since she dumped Mr. Faster Than Light–”

“Go and buck yourself with a shovel,” Berry interrupted her.

“I can’t go, I really need to pee…”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that…”

“You can, by leaving the bathroom now. Unless you have some crazy kink, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you two watching.”

“Okay, you convinced me,” Berry said, jumping out of the bathtub and trotting staggeringly to the door.

“Oh, by the way, Lyra called. Do you have some money to bail them out of jail?”

“No, we spent everything on vodka, train tickets, and taxis, why are you… wait, WHAT?”