You gaze out across the quaint little town of Ponyville from your second floor bedroom window. The sun is setting, the street vendors are packing up their carts, and happy little ponies are heading home to have dinner and relax with their families.

And you? You're about to go to war.

There's a Pinkie Party in the old barn at Sweet Apple Acres in your honor tonight. It’s a small get together between close friends.

Yep. Just you and the crazy ponies that make up Elements of Rape-mony, in a closed up barn, at night, located in a remote and isolated part of the Acres on the edge of the Everfree Forest where no one could hear you scream and escape options are limited should something unpleasant happen, drinking hard cider. You'd have to be a complete moron to go.

Unfortunately, you are a complete moron.

You've weighed the options. If you attend, there is a very good chance you'll be raped by one or more marshmallow horses, but it's not 100% certain. If you don't attend, it is 100% certain that Pinkie Pie will flip the fuck out on you, and that's not something you're ever willing to experience again. So, in the end, you really have no choice.

But if you're going to go to this thing, you're going in prepared. Your gear is neatly spread on top of your bed.

It’s time to suit up.

Inventory

Item: Lucky Boxers
Description: Feels good on your junk. Can be used to distract Fluttershy in an emergency. Increases luck by 10.

Item: Pants
Description: Made out of the advanced composite material known as denim, this article of clothing is extremely durable. Equipped with a complex button/zipper system that can buy time during rape attempts.

Item: Shirt
Description: Protects the upper body, preventing ponies from licking your bare chest. The solid black coloration can help conceal you during a nighttime escape.

Item: Belt
Description: An additional layer of protection against attempts to access the monkey dick, it also acts as an attachment point for other equipment. Difficult for non-unicorns to remove. Can be used as a weapon to punish naughty ponies, but be careful: they might like it.

Item: Socks / Shoes
Description: Allows you to ignore rough terrain while running, much like a pony's hooves. Increases jump by 1. The socks are NOT a fetish item, nor an indication that you're DTF, but no matter how many times you explain it these stupid ponies don't listen...

Item: Enchanted Watch
Description: A sympathetic gift from Celestia after you kidnapped Spike and forced him to send her your 200 page diary detailing the shit you put up with every day one page at a time. The watch makes you immune to all spells from the mind control school such as Want-It-Need-It. You never leave home without it. Also has the capability to tell time.

Item: Smoke Bombs (Qty: 3)
Description: Produces a lingering cloud of smoke when thrown, resistant to both unicorn and pegasi magic, that can act as a distraction or aid in an escape. Also makes you feel like a badass ninja when you use them.

Item: Teleportation Gem (Single Use)
Description: When crushed, this gem will teleport you to a location you've previously designated (currently your home). It takes 10 seconds for the teleport to occur from the moment the gem is crushed, and you must remain stationary during that time.

Item: Hiking Jacket
Description: One of your original possessions. An extremely durable waterproof and windproof jacket made with the latest human technology. Increases odds of survival during a wilderness escape.
Warning: Wearing it will cause Rarity and Twilight to sperg out. Also increases sex appeal by 50.

Item: Flashlight (90% Battery Remaining)
Description: One of your original possessions. Produces a focused beam of light when activated. Can be used to blind ponies, but only if you shout 'Solar Flare!' when you do so.

Item: Hip Flask filled with SAA's finest reserve (100% Remaining)
Description: A known untainted source of liquid refreshment. Quenches your thirst and gives you a nice buzz to help you deal with these fucking rapist ponies.
Warning: Don't overdo it.

It's time.

You step into the streets of Ponyville as the moon begins its ascent behind you. The ponies still out and about can sense your determination as you begin your trek toward the Acres. One stallion even removes his hat and salutes you as you pass.

There are only two possible outcomes tonight: you either get raped or you don't. And despite your recent muddled views on horsefuckery, you're fairly certain Luna is the only pony you want touching your no-no zone.

After 20 minutes of walking you can see the old barn in the distance, and you take a quick swig from your flask in preparation.

Here we go...

Light and music spill forth from the closed barn door. Pinkie sits on a stool outside wearing a party hat and a huge smile, which only gets bigger when she spots you.

“Non-non, you made it! Now we can finally get this party started! C'mon, let's go inside!”

She pulls open the door and you squint as the bright light from inside the barn assaults your eyes. The first thing you see is a giant banner that reads: “Congratulations Anonymous!”, with a smaller banner reading “First creature to buck Applejack and live!” right underneath.

Applejack is sitting off to the side with her hat pulled down in embarrassment, her cheeks redder than Big Mac's coat. Rainbow and Twilight are pestering her with questions, and Twilight even has a scroll and quill floating around taking notes.

On the other side of the room sits Rarity and Fluttershy, chatting with one another and enjoying some cake. Well, more like Rarity's doing all the talking and Fluttershy just mumbles something every now and then.

Pinkie jumps in front of you, nearly scaring you to death. “Look, everypony! The guest of honor has arrived!” She does an exaggerated 'ta-da' motion and five sets of eyes turn your way. You timidly wave at them.

“Uh... hi. Don't mind me, you guys just go back to whatever you—”

Nope. Before you can even finish you're surrounded by little ponies.

“Anon! Please tell me your observations regarding the compatibility of your penis and Applejack's marehood. I'll need it for my—”

“Heh. Hey Anon, nice party huh? Want to try some of this cider with me?”

“Darling! I was just telling Fluttershy about our strange experience in the Boutique today—”

“H-Hey there, partner. Didja like the pie ah sent ya? Ah'm real sorry about—”

“*unintelligible mumbling*”

“Here's your party hat! And some cake! And some punch! And—”

“Whoa, whoa, one at a time!” you shout, raising your hands in defense. They don't listen and move in even closer. You can feel your back make contact with the barn door, and you're starting to panic…

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! They're all over you! Do something, anything!

Your now cake-filled hand starts to slide toward the back pocket where your smoke bombs are concealed, but a loud knock on the door immediately silences the ponies and draws their attention.

Pinkie scratches her head. “Huh, I don't remember sending out any other invitations...”

“Whoever could it be?” Rarity asks.

Applejack's blush deepens. “Whoever it is, just tell 'em ta leave. Ah dunno if ah can take it if anypony else happens ta see that banner...”

Rainbow shrugs. “Eh, it's probably just your brother checking up on us or something.”

Twilight sighs and trots forward. “I'll go see who it is.”

The others step back and you thankfully get a chance to move away from the door as Twilight cracks it open. To everyone’s surprise, she immediately gasps and jumps back about 5 feet before taking a bow.

“P-Princess Luna!”

A faint magical aura surrounds the door and it opens to reveal Luna in a beautiful white sundress and hat instead of her normal regalia. The other ponies immediately bow as well as soon as they see her.

“Luna...”

...is all you can choke out before your voice leaves you. Her outfit reminds you of that famous picture of Marilyn Monroe standing on the steam grate in New York. For the first time you understand the true meaning of the word 'breathtaking'.

Luna scans the scene before her with an unimpressed expression. “...We were told this would be a party, but we see no partying taking place. Were we misinformed?”

Rarity is the first to recover. “Oh Princess, the dress looks so wonderful in the moonlight!” she says as she circles the alicorn, examining the garment. “It's just as I imagined!”

Luna smiles. “It is your work after all, Generosity. It's to be expected.”

She blushes at the compliment. “But weren't you supposed to be attending an important garden party for the Nobility tonight? It's why you commissioned that dress, after all.”

“The Nobles of Canterlot are best suffered in small doses, and such things are more to Sister's liking than ours anyway. We felt we would have more fun here tonight. But... perhaps we were mistaken?”

The others stand from their bows and smile at one another. Pinkie looks like she's about to fucking explode from excitement. Before she can even blink, Luna has a party hat strapped to her sun hat, a slice of cake in her hoof, and a smiling pink pony with a hoof wrapped around her shoulder.

“Well, what are waiting for? LET'S PARTY~!”

The rest of the night proceeds well. With Luna's arrival, your risk of being assaulted dropped to zero and you actually got a chance to cut loose and have fun for once. You spoke with Twilight a bit about the workings of your jacket and flashlight. You chatted with Rarity about the crazy dream you had together and found out the two of you have a few things in common after all. You accepted Applejack's continued apologies and told her how wonderful the pie she sent was. (You have to admit, seeing that pony blush is goddamn adorable.) You drank a bit with Rainbow, and played games with her, Pinkie, Applejack and Luna…

And you even had fairly normal conversation with Fluttershy. She only tried to grope you ONCE!

This... this might be the best night you've had since you came to Equestria. Thank you, Moon Horse!

One interesting thing you discovered about Luna tonight is that she really likes games. She plays even the more childish ones like pin the tail on the pony with great enthusiasm, and not surprisingly, she's a hell of a lot of fun to be around when she herself is having fun. She and Rainbow make a dangerous pranking duo…

You glance at your watch and realize it's nearing 11:00pm. You've been having so much fun the time's just slipped away. The party should be winding down soon, though at this point you’re not sure if you want it to end.

But to your surprise, Pinkie leaps on top of a table and stomps her hooves to get everyone's attention.

“Alright, it's time for the real fun to start!” She drains a long-necked bottle of hot sauce and hops down from the table. “That's right, time for spin the bottle! Everypony get in a circle and we'll spin to see who goes first!”

Uh oh. Starting to feel a little nervous here...

You look at Luna and she looks back at you with an unreadable smile.

Starting to feel a lot nervous here. You reluctantly take a seat in the circle with the others.

“Instead of spinnin' fer it, ah vote that Anon goes first,” Applejack says. “Anypony else agree?”

Six hooves immediately shoot up, Luna included. You can't fucking believe this...

All eyes are on you now. There are a ton of different ways this could quickly get out of hand but you feel like you can't back out now without facing some consequences, especially with Luna going along with it. You reach for the bottle with an unsteady hand...

“Hold, Anonymous. Before we begin, please explain the nature of this game.”

…But Moon Horse’s question stops you. Wait, she didn't know what it was?! Maybe you're safe after all!

“Allow me, Princess.” Oh boy, here comes Twilight Spergle. “In this game, ponies sit in a circle with a bottle in the center. One pony spins the bottle, and whichever pony the narrow end of the bottle points to after it stops spinning has to, um, k-kiss the pony who spun it. Then it's that pony's turn to spin, and so on.”

Luna ponders for a moment. “Intriguing. It appears to be descended from a game we used to play long ago with specially cut gemstones. The basic concept is similar, but the stakes were much, much higher for the participants back then. Would you be interested in playing our version instead?”

The room goes silent. Your jaw drops and you immediately shoot a look of betrayal and despair at Luna, who maintains her serene smile.

Applejack's tail whips back and forth a few times. “'H-Higher stakes', ya say?”

“Um… y-yes, please,” Fluttershy moves a hoof behind her back to try and get her wings to fold down.

Twilight rubs her hooves together. “This could be a good opportunity to advance my studies! Count me in.”

Pinkie bounces in place. “I don't know what we're talking about, but it sounds like fun!”

Rarity blushes. “I... I suppose.”

“I-If everypony else is playing I'm not gonna back out. Bring it on!” Rainbow's sweating and her eyes are darting all over the place. Et tu, Rainbro?

Luna's smile grows even larger. “Huzzah, then it's settled! Anonymous shall go first as was previously decided. Let us begin.”

It's happening. L-Look at the bright side, Anon. There's a chance the bottle could land on Luna! In fact, that's probably what she's planned from the start! Surely she could influence the bottle's movement without Twilight or anyone else catching on...

Yes. You tell yourself that's exactly what's going to happen, because it's the only way you'll work up the courage to go through with this. You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and open them again to see a circle of six sleeping ponies and a faint glow disappearing from Luna's horn.

“W-what?”

The alicorn stands from her position in the circle, trots past the bottle and takes a seat beside you. A quick nuzzle and a kiss on the cheek kick-starts your brain into processing information again, and you turn to her, still somewhat in shock.

“What did you do?”

“They are sleeping, Anonymous. We wanted a chance to speak with you alone. We must confess, Sister shared with us the diary you sent to her prior to our first meeting. It was... quite an entertaining read, indeed, and one of the reasons we took an interest in you. And as a result, we are well aware of your 'problems' regarding the Elements. When Generosity mentioned this gathering between you during the fitting for our dress today, we decided you would appreciate our presence tonight more than the Nobles of Canterlot.”

You blink. “So... so you're saying you ditched some kind of important high class royal party to come out here to a barn in the middle of nowhere and protect me from being raped by these crazy-ass mares?”

She smiles. “In a manner of speaking, yes.”

Holy shit... if that's not true love, then you don't know what is!

Luna leans against you and you wrap an arm around her while you look over the sleeping ponies.

“You know, I guess they're really not so bad when you think about it. Applejack means well, and even Fluttershy has her moments.”

Luna nods. “Yes, despite some of their proclivities, they are good ponies. Equestria is fortunate to have them.”

The two of you just sit there for a while and enjoy the moment together, at least until Luna starts nudging you with a wing.

“Well?” she asks.

“Well, what?”

“Are you not going to take your turn at the game?”

“Wait, we're still playing?”

She scoffs. “Of course we are. We came here to have fun, Anonymous. Go on, spin.”

You shrug. Well, if that's what she wants... you reach forward and spin the bottle. It slows and eventually stops, pointing directly at the sleeping form of Rainbow Dash.

You look back to Luna. “Now what?”

“Now the game begins…” You see her horn start to glow, and you suddenly feel very tired.

“Ugh, my head...”

With a groan, you roll over and push yourself up into a crouching position. You open your eyes and find yourself on a grassy hill at sunset under the shadow of an apple tree. A field of wheat stretches into in the distance with a forest further beyond. A quick self-check reveals that you still have everything you had in your possession at the party, as if you've been transported directly from there to here.

Looking to your left, you see the prone form of a pony bathed in the light of dusk. You hurry over to find...

“Rainbow! Hey, Rainbow, wake up.”

Her eyes open as you gently shake her. “Hmmm? Huh? Wazzat? Anon?” She blinks a few times and looks around. “Where are we?”

“Beats me.”

You make a full circle around the trunk of the tree but don't find anything of interest, though you notice the sky darkening as you return to Rainbow.

There's a rumble of thunder, a bolt of lightning, and once again Luna stands before you. The fringe of her sun hat is on fire, but she quickly waves a hoof to put it out. Dash chuckles at the display, but a glare from Luna silences her.

The Alicorn Princess gazes into the distance for a few moments, lets out a wistful sigh, and then turns to face the two of you.

“In our youth, this game was called the Trial of Twos, and its purpose was to strengthen the individual bonds of friendship between ponies. Anonymous, Loyalty, your goal is simple: reach this tree together before the next sunset, using whatever means are at your disposal.”

“Ha! That's easy!” Rainbow yells, then quickly bolts over to the tree and places a hoof on the trunk. “C'mon Anon, get over here and we've got this!”

Luna just rolls her eyes. “The game begins when the moon rises, and you will start within the forest, the first of three territories. Each territory will be guarded by two who are bound to that territory.”

“...Guarded by two of what, exactly?” you ask, your curiosity getting the better of you.

She dons a wicked grin. “Ourself and the other Elements, of course. We must warn you Anonymous, we are very good at this game. Your odds of success are low, but we do hope you will try your best.”

“Ha! Try our best?! We'll do better than that! You're going down, Princess!” declares the plucky pegasus. Rainbow's enthusiasm is infectious and you flash a wicked grin of your own.

“Any means necessary, huh? With that rule I don't see how we could lose.”

Luna’s wings flutter with delight. “Most excellent! That is the spirit we hoped for! Let the game begin!”

She charges a spell and in a flash you and Dash find yourselves in the middle of a dense forest. As soon as she gets her bearings, Rainbow flies up past the tree canopy and makes a few circles from the air before returning to you.

“Did you see the tree? How far away are we?”

“Like four or five miles. Two miles of forest, two miles of wheat field, and maybe half a mile of open field where hill with the tree is. We can make that in no time! Let's go, Anon!”

She zooms off into the sky before you can even say anything. You stand there and wait and she returns after about 20 seconds as the last rays of sunlight disappear over the horizon.

“Come on! What's the hold up?” she whines.

“In case you haven't noticed, I don't have wings and it'll be impossible to see where we're going in this forest without any light. If it's as close as you say we can wait until morning to start moving.”

Rainbow lands and crosses her hooves over her chest. “Ugh, fine! But I don't like it.”

You chuckle and pull out your flask. “Do you really want to have to deal with any of the others or Luna in the dark? I sure as hell don't, especially not Fluttershy or Applejack. C'mere, I've got something for us to help pass the time.”

“What is it?” She trots over and you remove the cap. When she takes a sniff of the contents, her expression lights up into a dopey smile. “A-Anon...”

“Hmmm?”

“Don't you know you are my very best friend?”

You just laugh and offer her the first swig.

The two of you spend your time with your backs against a tree laughing, drinking and swapping stories. It gets colder and colder as the night progresses until you can see your breath as you speak. After you've got a good buzz going, you decide to stop drinking as the alcohol is starting to drain heat from your body.

“Hahaha! Wait, you-you really kicked 'Shy all the way from your place to Rarity's? D-Damn Anon, you should try out for a hoofball team!”

“Y-yeah.”

Shit, your teeth are starting to chatter, and it doesn’t escape Rainbow’s notice.

“You cold, Anon?”

“Just a b-b-bit.”

“Oh... pegasi are used to the cold. High altitude flying and all that. Ummmm...” She looks around for a bit. “Hey, I know! Unzip your jacket.”

“Huh?”

“C'mon, don't be a wuss, just do it!”

Hey, why the hell not? Your alcohol-slowed brain didn't send you any warnings, so you comply. Rainbow stumbles up to you and snuggles tightly into your chest.

“Um... o-okay, now zip it back up over me,” she says, her voice becoming a little unsteady.

You do as she asks, and immediately feel a lot warmer.

“Hey, this is great! Thanks, Rainbow.”

You reach up and scratch behind her ear to show your appreciation and her breathing hitches. You can feel her heart pounding a mile a minute and even in the darkness her flushed cheeks are evident. Wow, she must really be drunk. Best to get some rest...

“We should probably go to sleep now,” you say as you try to find a comfortable position against the tree.

“Yeah. Yeah, right,” she whispers back.

Feeling warm and content, you start to drift off.

“Hey, Anon?”

“Mmmm?”

“Um... why do you keep turning 'Shy and AJ away? They're really pretty and I know they both like you. Do you... do you not like ponies like that?”

Man, prior to Luna you could easily answer that question. Now, though...

“I... like ponies. Fluttershy's just really creepy and annoying, and Applejack, uh, raped me, so...”

“So, you mean if the right pony came along you'd...”

“...yeah.”

“Oh. That's cool. Um, 'night Anon.”

“'Night, Rainbow.”

It’s probably nothing, but you could've sworn you heard a squee somewhere in between the chirps of the crickets surrounding you.

As soon as dawn breaks you're rushing through the forest with Rainbow leading the way. The fact that she can fly above the tree canopy and check your position means you never have to worry about getting lost even without the aid of a compass or map. Talk about convenient; you're never going hiking without a pegasus again! After completing her latest check, she swoops down to fly beside you.

“How much further?”

She smiles. “We’re doing awesome so far! Maybe 2/3rds of a mile until we reach the wheat field!”

“Oooooh!” exclaims the pink pony to your other side. “What do you think we'll find there?”

You shrug. “I dunno, Pinkie.”

Wait, what?

“Pinkie Pie?!” you and Rainbow both scream in unison. Yep, sure enough Pinkie's appeared out of nowhere, hopping beside the two of you.

“Hiya Dashie, hey Non-non! Nice weather we're having today, huh?”

Dash scowls. “What're you doing here, Pinks?”

Pinkie grins. “I'm a distraction!”

Before either of you can react, a bolt of magic flies from a nearby tree and lands a direct hit on Dash, encasing her in a dark red semitransparent bubble. She tries to punch and buck her way out but the shield repels each blow. You stop immediately and try to break it open from the outside with a few kicks of your own, but are met with similar results.

“Don't bother, Anon. It's not possible for either one of you to break that shield.”

“...Autismo...”

“It's TWILIGHT!” Twilight Sparkle yells as she emerges from behind a tree, her eye twitching a bit. “Good job, Pinkie. Everything went just as planned.”

“No problemo, Twilight!” Pinkie jumps on top of the shield trapping Dash. “Yippie, my very own Rain-ball!”

“Pinkie, don't you d—waaaaa!” Pinkie starts nudging the spherical shield around the forest floor, giggling all the while. Poor Rainbow does not look amused.

Twilight just sighs at the sight, then turns back to you with a smug grin. “It was statistically impossible for you two to win this from the start, Anon. Between my magic and Pinkie's unexplainable reality bending powers,” her eye twitches again, “there was nothing you could do. Now that it's all over, I'd like to take this opportunity to gather some data...”

She gives you the patented Sparkle bedroom eyes. “…About human-pony intimate relations.”

You chuckle. “Sorry Twilight, but I'm afraid all your research in that field is going to have to be theoretical.”

“Oh, don't be like that, Anon. I guarantee you'll enjoy it. In fact, I'd say you're going to WANT it. You're going to NEED it...” Her horn ignites and several hearts appear around her in the air.

“I... want you. I need you...” You mutter as if in a trance, your eyes unfocusing and your jaw going slack as you stare at the smug purple pony.

“He he he, yes, exactly as I expected!” Twilight trots to you and rears up, placing her hooves on your chest. “Now, let's start the research with how the difference between pony and human muzzle shapes affects kissing...”

“Let's not.”

You quickly grab Twilight's still-charged horn, prompting a yelp and look of complete shock from her. Without wasting any time, you aim her head toward the still frolicking Pinkie Pie and jack the horn a few times, resulting in an orgasm from Twilight (ew) that launches the stored spell, landing a direct hit on the pink party pony.

You let go of her and Twilight falls to the ground, panting, a look of utter shock on her face. “H-how could you resist it? I was sure I perfected that spell after last time...”

“Sorry, trade secret.”

Her eyes narrow. “I'll... I'll learn eventually, you bucking human... I'll learn everything about you! Don't think you've won just because you managed to surprise me.” She struggles to her hooves to face you, only to be blocked by Pinkie Pie. “Out of the way Pinkie, you're obstructing important research here!”

The party pony doesn't respond.

“Pinkie! Move!”

“Hey, Twilight...,” Pinkie whispers. “I REALLY like your mane.”

“Oh... oh buck.” Without another word, Twilight teleports away and Pinkie bounds after her, disappearing behind a tree. Without the influence of Twilight's magic nearby the shield around Dash fades and you rush over to help her.

“Hey, you okay?”

She smiles at you. “Just a little dizzy. Thanks, Anon. How the hay did you manage to counter that spell?”

You hold up your wristwatch. “A little gift from Celestia.”

“Nice!” The two of you share a brofist as you stand. “Let's keep going!”

You pass the forest's tree line and stumble into the wheat field before long. The two of you continue for another mile or so unhindered, but you're on edge the entire time.

It'd be easy to hide your average pony in this wheat, and you stick out so far above it they can see you coming from a mile away. Since there's no way to be stealthy, Dash flies next to you in full view. You're making good time though; by the position of the sun it's not even noon.

And then you're tackled in the stomach by an orange and blonde bullet and dragged under the wheat's surface. Shit, this area's like the perfect camouflage for her...

“Anon! Wh-what the hay?!” Rainbow spins around and immediately dives to help you, but discovers she can't move. She quickly turns to find her back hooves ensnared by a series of finely-woven wheat stalk ropes surrounded by a light blue aura before she's dragged under as well.

Looks like you're up against crouching farmer, hidden fashionista here.

“Hey there, sugarcube. We need ta talk.”

You find yourself on your back, a powerful, pretty pony perched atop your pants. This situation seems awfully familiar...

“Let me go, AJ.”

“Ah-ah, no need ta panic. Ah've learned ta control myself better since the last time,” she says as she leans on your chest, her lips inches from your own. “Just hear my offer out.”

“Offer?”

Applejack adopts a distant expression and looks away. “Look, ah'm not as dense as some ponies seem ta think. Ah know you've got eyes for Luna. And ah know a plain old farmpony like me can never compare ta a pony like her. But Anon, if ya give me a chance ah'll give ya everything ah can. How'd ya like ta have home cooked meals every day, the love an' support of a big family, all the ruttin' you could ask fer... if ya say yes, ah'll even let you an' Dash walk outta here right now.”

She goes quiet and glances at you with her beautiful emerald eyes as the wind moves her hat and mane ever so slightly along with the wheat surrounding you. And on that wind, you can hear the faint sounds of Dash struggling with Rarity somewhere else in the field.

The mare gazes directly at you, searching for an answer. “Well, darlin'? Anything ta say?”

“Yeah... just one thing: SOLAR FLARE!”

“ARrrrgh! Consarn it, Anon!”

The beam of your flashlight hits her directly in the eyes and she rears back off-balance. You use the opportunity to push her off, then rush toward the sounds of Dash and Rarity in the distance. Just as you near them, you see Rainbow rocket out of the field, shrugging torn strands of wheat rope from her body.

“RAINBOW DAAAAASSSHHHH!” Holy SHIT Rarity sounds pissed. You can see a sparkle of blue aura close by as she channels another spell, and more wheat ropes begin to coil into the air, ready to strike at Rainbow's blind spot. Thinking quickly, you toss a smoke bomb directly at Rarity's hooves where it ignites, disrupting her aim.

“Ooooh, if this smoke stains my coat you will PAY for this, Anonymous!”

You let out a triumphant laugh just in time to shit yourself at the sight of a pissed off Applejack barreling toward you like a freight train tearing down the tracks at 120 mph.

Well, it was nice knowing you, Anon. You close your eyes and brace for a likely fatal impact. There's a sickening crack that pierces your ears but you don't feel any different...

Your eyes open to see a huge trampled down swath of wheat with AJ and Rainbow wrestling and shouting obscenities at each other in the middle. Rarity appears from the circle's fringe, her mane messed up, her coat a little scorched and bloodlust in her eyes.

Shit, if she gets in on this it's over. There's no way Rainbow can take them both, and there's no way you can jump in without getting your ass wrecked. You bring your fingers to your mouth and let out a high pitched whistle to capture Rainbow's attention, then toss your two remaining smoke bombs between AJ and Rarity.

“Dash, we've gotta go, NOW!”

She doesn't hesitate, using the distraction to escape the fight and pick you up with her forelegs on the way. In no time, the two of you have made it out of the wheat and into the safety of the open field.

The farmpony and the dressmaker watch Rainbow Dash and Anonymous fly off into the distance beyond their reach.

“Ya just gonna let 'em, get away, Rares? Ah figured you'd put up more of a fight, all things considered.”

The now very singed unicorn fluffs her ruined mane. “Sorry darling, but Princess Luna seems very adamant on winning this game, and I'm afraid I have a bit of a grudge with her due to a recent prank. Forgive me, but this is my revenge, however passive and petty it may be.”

The earth pony sighs. “Suit yerself.”

“And what about you? Did anything come of it?”

“Maybe. All ah know is, ah'm not givin' up on him. Ya shoulda seen the way he was smilin', talkin' about my cookin' at the party. It was somethin' else. Ah think ah understand Pinkie a bit better, now.”

Rarity softly smiles and places a hoof on the farmer's shoulder. “I'm rooting for you, dear.”

Applejack blushes and tilts her hat over her eyes. “Shucks, thanks.”

“I-I think we made it,” Rainbow pants as she dumps you on the ground, gasping for breath. You stand and dust yourself off, and sure enough, the apple tree is in the distance, less than half a mile away.

“Yeah, looks like we're almost there. Nice work back there by the way, I owe you one.”

Rainbow smirks. “Just paying you back for your help with Twilight and Pinkie.”

The two of you make a beeline straight for the tree. You know Luna's not gonna make it easy, but there's a foolish hope inside you that says maybe you'll get there without a fight if you keep going...

And then the sky darkens, lightning strikes, and the Princess of the Night appears… with her sun hat on fire, again. She rips the hat off with magic and waves it around to put out the flames, then replaces it and assumes a dignified pose like nothing happened.

“Anonymous, Loyalty... we must admit, we did not expect you to make it this far. Well done. Unfortunately, this is the end of your journey, as you shall not reach the tree.”

The alicorn's horn glows, and a massive spherical magical barrier encompasses the apple tree and the entire hill upon which is rests. An average unicorn would need to stand still and channel with all their strength to do something like this, but Luna doesn't seem to need to exert any kind of mental effort to maintain the spell. She paces around freely outside the barrier with a haughty expression of superiority.

“We are willing to accept your forfeiture at any time.”

You crouch down next Rainbow, whose jaw is on the ground at the display. “So... uh... think you can Rainboom your way through that or something?”

“Anon, are bucking retarded?! NO!”

“Okay, okay, just asking. Soooo, what do we do?”

She pounds her front hooves together. “Well, I think if we knock her out it'll break the barrier, so I'm gonna go with that.”

Luna raises an eyebrow. “You... you wish to 'throw down', Loyalty? How delightful! It has been too long since we took to the skies in combat!”

The alicorn spreads her wings and rockets into the air. Rainbow prepares to follow, but you stop her. The colorful pegasus shakes her head, seeming to know what you're going to say before you say it.

“Look Anon, I know you want to help, but I think I have to handle this one alone. And yes, I'll be careful.”

You give her your best Top Gun thumbs up and she's off. Hell, you can almost swear you hear Kenny Loggins start singing in the background. With no way to help and nothing left to really do, you take a seat on the ground and watch one of the most spectacular pony aerial battles in recorded history unfold.

“Oh my, this sure is exciting.”

“Damn right it is, Fluttershy. Look at 'em go!”

Wait.

Your head slowly turns to your right. Yep, there's Fluttershy sitting next to you in some kind of crazy moon horse armor.

“What's with the getup?”

She blushes. “Oh, um, Princess Luna made me a Knight of the Moon. She said that I should stop you from getting any ideas about interfering in her fight with Rainbow Dash. By the way, are suits of armor your fetish?”

“No, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, okay. I'm kind of glad because it's really hard to move in this…” She shuffles her hooves a bit and whines. You kind of feel sorry for her. It looks like she really wants to grope you but the armor's too heavy for her to try.

You sit there for several uncomfortable minutes in silence, until Rainbow slams into the ground nearby in a huge cloud of dust and debris.

“Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. Ow.” She staggers out of the crater she made and collapses in front of you and Fluttershy. Luna lands a little further away near the barrier, and it doesn't look like she has a single scratch on her.

“That was most exhilarating, Loyalty! Truly, we have not had this much fun in ages. Now, are you prepared to forfeit?”

“N-Never!” Rainbow gasps.

Luna frowns. “We see. Your determination is commendable. Foalish, but commendable nonetheless.”

Damn, looks like she doesn't want to give up. To be honest, you don't really see a way to win here. Luna's totally fucking OP and needs a nerf in the next patch.

But then again... maybe there is a way. You have yet to use your greatest weapon. But first thing’s first…

“Rainbow, are you ok?” you ask, placing a hand on her shoulder to prevent the dazed pony from falling over. Her eyes are spinning in her head, but at least she can focus in your general direction.

“Oh, hey Anon. W-Wow, there're so many of you. Now we can each have one...”

“Rainbow, I think we should change opponents. Here, you fight Fluttershy and I'll handle Luna.”

“Yeah, sure thing, whatever, go for it.” She collapses on the ground as soon as you move away and Fluttershy starts timidly poking at her with a hoof.

Time to do this.

“All right Luna, enough's enough. Drop the barrier now.”

“Ah, fair Anonymous, so you elect to forfeit?”

“No, I'm just telling you to drop the barrier. If you do you'll get a reward...” You unbuckle your belt.

She giggles. “Art thou... art thou attempting to seduce us? We must say, we like this development, though it will not get you what you want.”

You walk up to her, place a hand on her neck, and loudly whisper into her ear: “Not even if I make you cum until you can't even stand straight?”

You hear two sets of wings stand at attention in the background.

Luna blushes. “E-Even then, it will not be enough. A barrier such as this is foal's play for us. It will maintain its full strength as long as we are near, no matter our state of mind or body.”

“Is that so? I guess we'll just have to test it, then.”

You pull Luna into a passionate kiss. Her eyes go wide for a moment before she returns it, lifting a hoof to place on your back and pull you closer. You extend the kiss for several minutes, then pull away, and as Luna returns her hoof to the ground a faint clink registers in your ears.

“A-Anonymous... though we have no qualms doing it in front of a herdmate such as Kindness, Loyalty is here, and we—”

You hold a finger up to her muzzle. “Shhhh... just let me say one thing.”

She gazes at you with wide eyes.

“We win.”

“Wha—!!!!!!” Luna's words are cut off as the magic of your crushed teleportation gem activates, pulling her to god knows where. True to her word, the barrier drops as soon as she's gone.

“Rainbow, that's our cue!” you shout.

The multichromatic pegasus leaps up immediately and lands by your side. “Holy hay Anon, what the buck did you do?!” You wink at her as the two of you run side by side to the tree.

“Oh, that was a little something I was saving just in case you guys got too frisky at the party.”

She lets out a genuine laugh. “Good thinking! You've gotta keep on your toes around us!”

After a short run, a hand and a hoof touch the trunk of the tree together and the world around you fades away.

Six little ponies, a princess, and a human slowly pull themselves awake from the floor of the old barn.

“Inconceivable...” Luna gasps. “Anonymous, we have never lost at this game when Sister did not partake in it. That... that was...” She rears on her hind legs and clops her hooves together. “That was the most fun we've ever had...!”

Before you can blink, Dash is in your arms. “Awwww yeah! Best. Team. EVER!” She pulls on her eyelid and sticks her tongue out at the others, which gets a laugh from everyone present, and you ruffle her mane in response.

Rarity checks her coat and mane, finding them pristine, much to her relief. “I must say, it wasn't exactly what I expected, but it was certainly exciting.”

Applejack chuckles. “Ya got that right.”

“Oh, oh, oh, let's do it again!” Pinkie yells as she bounces around the room.

“Um, please let's not...” Fluttershy replies, trembling a bit.

Twilight crosses her hooves and sulks. “You got lucky, bucking Anon. You're gonna get it tomorrow...”

“Well,” Applejack begins, standing to her hooves, “this was fun y'all, but ah guess ah need ta start gettin' the barn cleaned up or Granny'll have my hide...”

“Don't worry AJ, I'll help!” Pinkie says, hopping over to her side.

“And I as well,” Rarity adds. “If we work together it'll be as good as new in no time.”

“HOLD, SUBJECTS!”

Fucking Canterlot voice, goddamn. Everyone looks to Luna, who quickly flushes with embarrassment at her outburst.

“Err, that is to say, wait everypony, for the game is not yet over. By ancient tradition, one task remains to be performed at its conclusion. To solidify the bonds forged by the Trial of Twos, each pair must kiss. It is why we played in the first place, is it not?”

Silence. Total silence.

Fluttershy faints.

Rarity and Applejack look horrified.

Pinkie smiles and Twilight starts to back away.

And Rainbow... Rainbow looks like she's about to blow spaghetti everywhere.

Luna raises an eyebrow. “In case we did not make it clear, this is an order. If you don't do it, your Princess shall be VERY offended.” She levitates the unconscious Fluttershy to herself and places a chaste kiss on her muzzle.

Pinkie wastes no time pulling Twilight into a death grip and giving her a huge exaggerated Bugs Bunny style kiss on the lips.

Rarity and Applejack touch their lips together for a nanosecond before retreating to opposite sides of the room.

You look at Rainbow. You honestly don't think she's gonna live through this if you do it, but Luna's piercing stare promises an even worse fate if you don't.

The pegasus trots up to you on shaky legs. You exchange a glance, then bring your mouths together for a quick kiss. The smile she has on her face afterwards is... radiant.

“I... I did it. I actually did it! YES! I'll... I'll see you guys later!”

And with that, she's gone. You look over to Luna, who's grinning from ear to ear.

“It appears you've gained another admirer.”

Your jaw drops. “Did... did you do this on purpose?”

She stands and makes her way to the door. “That would be telling, fair Anonymous. Farewell for now, we wish you pleasant dreams.”

You hear the telltale sound of teleportation magic as she steps outside.

You somehow feel that you've set something in motion today... something terrifying, and there’s no telling where it’ll lead. But for now, all you can do is take things as they come, one day at a time.

And with that thought, you stand to help the others clean up.