A tear rolls down your cheek and patters on the wooden table’s surface. Yeah, you’re crying right now, and why wouldn’t you be?

There’s no easy way to say it. You were tied up and fucked by Applejack for hours. Your pelvis was pounded into paste by her prodigious pony plot and you fell into a coma from the pain. To make matters worse, within said coma you were Fluttershy's plaything for a while (though you certainly made her work for it).

It’s undeniable that the mental and physical scarring you’ve suffered from these events will remain with you for quite some time.

But the reason you’re crying right now is because…

IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!

As promised, Applejack's little sister dropped off an 'apology pie' this morning on her way to school. It looked pretty normal. You actually set it aside without eating any because you had other chores to do.

But then you figured, hey, why not try a slice?

And oh, guess what, it turns out it's THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER EATEN IN YOUR LIFE!

You abandoned etiquette and utensils after the first bite and have since had your face smashed into the thing, inhaling chunks of delicious crust and apple-y flavored filling like a goddamn animal.

How does that crazy orange country horse do it? No wonder Apple family products are in such high demand. Suddenly, Rainbow's antics during cider season don't seem so ridiculous anymore, because you'd gladly go through the whole ordeal all over again for another one of these delicious, delicious pies...

Your body screams at you to take a much needed breath, and you reluctantly raise your head from the pie tin. But before you can dive back in to nirvana itself, a raucous knocking at your front door gives you pause.

“Whoever it is, come back tomorrow!” you yell. “I'm busy ascending to the next plane of existence!”

“I brought you a letter~!”

Uh oh. You definitely know that voice, and the sound of it spurs you to get up and immediately run to answer the door before—

Nope, too late. A blonde-tailed gray-toned pony ass smashes its way through the window you just had fixed.

“Hi Anon! You've got mail! Oh, and your door wasn't opening for some reason so I made you an emergency exit. It never hurts to be prepared!”

You glance over at the shattered window, then back to the smiling mailmare.

“Th-Thanks, Derpy...”

The loopy pegasus erratically hovers and spins in the air as she searches her mailbags for your letter. She comes dangerously close to knocking over several pieces of furniture before you instinctively grab her and pull her close to try and stem this month's ever growing property damage insurance claim.

Derpy looks up at you (and at the far wall) with a letter in her mouth and smiles before she reaches out with her hooves for a hug. You oblige her, then set her down and take the letter for yourself.

“Thanks Anon, that's why you're one of my favorite ponies, um, people on my route. You're so patient with me and give the best hugs,” she says with a smile.

Awww! Your heart!

“That letter looks real fancy, I hope it's something good.”

Derpy trots over to the door and you open it for her so she can get back on her way. She steps onto your porch and begins revving her wings to fly off, but abruptly stops and turns back to you one last time.

“Oh yeah, you should probably call the exterminator ponies soon, Anon. There's a reaaaaally big bug on your ceiling and I think it hissed at me when I was hugging you.”

You look back at your kitchen to the bug she's talking about. Yeah, it's actually Fluttershy in a ninja costume stuck to the ceiling with toilet plungers. You've known she was there for a while, but the pie was too good for you to give a shit. She won't do anything anyway because she thinks if she doesn't move she's invisible to you.

“Don't worry, Derpy. I've got a rolled up newspaper with that bug's name on it,” you say, giving her a pat on the head just for the heck of it.

“It must be a pretty famous bug to be in the newspaper! Bye Anon, have a good day!”

And with that, Derpy takes off at an impossible angle, smashes into a lamp post, and continues on her way, waving to you all the while. You smile and wave back until she disappears around the bend.

Closing the door behind you, you tear open the envelope and inspect its contents. It’s just as you thought: one first class train ticket to Canterlot, courtesy of the Princess of the Night. You'd agreed on a dinner date during one of your dreams together, after all, and you're actually pretty damn excited about this, even though it's still a few days away.

You return to the kitchen. There are a few things to do betw—

… … …

Time stops...

… … …

...And your eyes meet Ninjashy's as she pulls her snout from your pie. A delicious gooey apple slice slides from her muzzle and clatters in the now mostly empty tin.

You feel a primal scream welling up inside you, but you remain silent. She stands absolutely still, hoping against hope that she's blended in to the environment, but she's wearing all black at 10:00 in the morning so it's fucking pointless. Sensing the jig is up, she puts on the biggest fake smile she can muster while sweating profusely, and with a glance between you and the pie tin a few times she lets out a nervous laugh.

“Um... i-indirect kissu~?”

Your hand securely clamps down on her spandex-clad neck scruff and you drag her, without much struggling to be had, to the front door.

“Sayonara, Flutter-chan. You shall now go to meet your ancestors.”

You shattered your flutterpunt distance record that day.

After mourning the remains of your pie, you focus back on the tasks at hand. You'll need to see Rarity to get some new formal clothes since Pinkie vomited an entire bottle of wine and half a buffet spread on your last set during the dinner where you first met Luna. (It’s a long story.)

And speaking of Pinkie, there's a Pinkie party in your honor tonight. Something about you surviving your intimate encounter with Applejack, the thought of which still causes a shiver to run down your spine. Attendance to a Pinkie Party where you happen to be the guest of honor is mandatory for the entire duration, something you found out the hard way. (It’s a long story.)

And speaking of mandatory events, tomorrow is your weekly cultural study session with Twilight. It might be worth hitting the history books to see if you can gain any more insight into what Luna likes so you can surprise her with a gift. This should go well as long as Twilight doesn't find out what you're doing and try to help. (Yeah, it’s a long story.)

You mull all this over on the way to Carousel Boutique. Normally you'd think this first task involving placing an order with Rarity wouldn't be a big deal. In 'n out in five minutes tops and then on to the next thing, right?

Wrong, retard. You and Rarity hate each other's guts. She's still generous with you, to a fault really. She's provided you with practically all your clothes and has always been there when you've needed her...

…But that still doesn't change the fact that she thinks you're a brutish uncultured barbarian unfit to stand in her presence and constantly reminds you of that fact every time you get within speaking distance. To be fair, you think she's a whiny prissy fake stuck up bitch so needless to say you don't spend a lot of time around each other if you can help it.

The entrance bell jingles as you open the door and you see a frazzled looking Rarity descend the stairs to greet you.

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is— oh, it's just you.”

“Well hello to you too, miss customer service.”

“Don't get snippy with me, Anonymous,” she huffs. “I am not in the mood for it today. First, a high profile client places an impossible to fill order, then I hear a wayward pegasus crash into my roof, and now you are here. I dare not even think about what this string of bad luck will throw at me next.”

‘Wayward pegasus’, huh? You chuckle. Oh, Derpy.

Rarity sits down at her workbench and takes several large gulps of what's probably cold coffee by now.

“I'll try to make this easy for you then,” you say, taking a seat nearby. “I need another suit made like the one I wore at the Canterlot dinner a while back. You already know what happened to the last one.”

She shudders. “Don't remind me. Pinkie is a darling but she's capable of... horrendous things… when placed in a formal setting. Many a fabulous outfit has met its end at her hooves.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. Anyway, you have my measurements already from the last suit, so just tell me how much I owe you and I'll be on my way. I don't need it until Saturday.”

She perks up instantly. “Saturday? You mean it's not for your party tonight? Whatever might you be doing on Saturday that would require one such as yourself to pretend to have the slightest bit of sophistication, hmmm Anonymous?”

She gets up and starts to circle you like a shark. Nice try, Squiggletail, but you won't be revealing any gossip if you can help it.

“None of your business. Do you want the job or not?”

She stops and nonchalantly touches up her mane. “Well dear, if I forego your project I'll stand a better chance of actually completing my very important client's order on time. But if it's for a friend with a legitimate need, I just can't say no. We are friends, are we not, darling?”

She's not going to relent unless she gets some kind of answer. Begin operation: lie your ass off.

“I'm... I'm going to surprise Fluttershy with an invitation to dinner in town and I wanted to look presentable, alright? I don't see why this matters.”

“PPFfffft! HA! BULLSHIT, DARLING!”

You crack a smile and she immediately blushes and falters a bit at her uncouth outburst. “A-Ahem. That is to say, that is the worst lie I've ever heard, and I've known Applejack for most of my life. Just tell me. The quicker you tell me, the quicker you can leave.”

“Sorry, but if you're not interested I'll find someone else. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate anyway.”

You start toward the open door but a pale blue glow surrounds it and slams it shut. You turn back to see the fashionista looking quite peeved.

“Anonymous. Do you really believe you'll find another seamstress in this podunk little village capable of making a suit to your body type, with this deadline, let alone one capable of making it look good? Let's not fool ourselves here. You wouldn't be coming to me if you didn't need this...” She assumes an approximation of a haughty Canterlot-pony pose. “But it is unladylike to pry, so I'll let you have your little secret for now.”

Huh, that was easier than expected.

“Thanks. 100 bits should be enough to cover it, right?”

“Of course.”

You place the bag of bits on her workbench and turn to leave.

“Ah-ah-ah, and where do you think you're going? I'll need to take some measurements before you leave. Remove your clothes and stand over there, please.”

You feel a chill run down your spine. Not again...

“You already have them.”

She puts on her best apologetic smile. “And I seem to have misplaced them, darling…”

It never fails... this happens every fucking time. You know that if you argue with her about it you'll just be wasting more time, so you begrudgingly strip down to your boxers and scowl at her to make your annoyance known.

She levitates her work glasses, some measuring tape and a pad and pencil and goes to work.

And of course, before long you feel her magic tugging at your boxers.

“I'll need you to remove these as well. I'm still not used to measuring the inseam for bipeds.”

You instantly clutch the band to keep her from pulling them down.

“No, the underwear stays. Just work around it.”

She laughs. “Come now, it's not as if you're hiding anything impressive there anyway. I had more than a good look at it while I was piecing your bones back together under Twilight and Princess Luna's direction. I honestly don't understand why Fluttershy and Applejack are so enamored with the thing.”

Both your hands travel to the waistband to keep it in place. “That's great, but this is non-negotiable. If I take these off Fluttershy will find a way to steal them. I don't have many pairs left!”

Rarity braces herself and increases the strength of her telekinesis. “You're being ridiculous, and I won't compromise my vision by having inaccurate measurements! Let go!”

“Hell no, you let go!”

“What is the problem?! It's only nudity, and you certainly didn't mind being naked yesterday!”

“I was unconscious at the time!” you yell back, still fighting her magic.

The glow around Rarity’s horn immediately ceases. “Oh? Is that what it's going to take? I'm no Twilight Sparkle, but I think I can oblige...”

Her horn shimmers again as she charges another spell. Nope, not gonna happen. You've dealt with crazy unicorns before so you know what to do.

“SLEE—!!”

Your hand reaches forward and you flick the tip of her horn before she can finish casting.

“W-waaaaaah!! You imbecile!”

Rarity's eyes go wide, sparks fly everywhere, the room explodes with light and...

“What. Have. You. DONE?!”

You survey the scene before you.

“...Nothing that couldn't have been avoided by you not going full Fluttertard trying to get into my pants.”

“UGH!”

So yeah, you're thigh deep in some kind of creepy swamp now. It's night and when a cloud happens to pass over the moon it becomes pitch black to the point where you can’t see your hand in front of your face. It's humid, feels gross, you're surrounded by evil looking eyes from the shadows and weird animal noises, and your shins are probably covered in leeches by now.

But otherwise things are great! And at least you have your boxers!

Rarity, well... Rarity's not doing so good. 'Thigh deep' to you is 'chest deep' to her. All you can see is her head, neck, the white top of her back, and part of her now soaked tail floating on top of the muck. She's shaking with rage and/or fear. Probably both.

“A-Anonymous...” she sniffles as looks up at you, bottom lip quivering, and you return the soggy marshmallow horse's gaze.

“Carry me...”

Hahahahahaha, good one. Like that's gonna happen!

Okay, you've been carrying Rarity bridal style around this endless fucking swamp for half an hour now. This officially sucks.

Thankfully, you've managed to stumble across an island. Finally, you're out of the swamp and on solid ground. You set Rarity down and collapse against a tree.

“Ugh, this humidity has ruined my mane,” she says as she pats the offending clump of hair. “I bet I look positively ghastly.”

You shrug. “No worse than usual, I guess.”

“Funny.”

“It was a compliment.”

The two of you turn from each other and stare out into the surrounding darkness. Yep, the countless evil eyes are still out there watching you, though they've made no move to approach so far. The insect noises echoing throughout the swamp are almost downright oppressive, and after several minutes of giving each other the silent treatment, you feel compelled to say something if only to drown them out.

“So, here's something I don't understand. You say you're no Twilight, but you're obviously powerful enough to teleport us to this crazy swamp. You sure you're not some kind of unicorn prodigy or something?”

She laughs. “Hardly! You caused me to miscast a sleep spell, Anonymous. Though I spent most of my time in magic class sketching dress designs instead of studying, I'm certain we're currently asleep on the floor of the Boutique, likely in an embarrassingly compromising position. Ugh, if Sweetie Belle comes home from school and sees us I'll never hear the end of it...”

“So this is some kind of shared dream?”

“I suppose. Sleep is a basic spell in the dream school, but I was never able to wrap my horn around true dream magic. I'm sure Twilight could tell us exactly what's happening and why, but it seems to be just us here.”

You gesture to the eyes in the darkness and Rarity gulps. “...And them. I haven't had a good nightmare like this in a while. Plenty of waking nightmares, such as that Canterlot dinner disaster recently, but most of my dreams tend to be pleasant.”

You lean back and close your eyes. “My life is just one unending nightmare lately. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm asleep or not.”

“Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that. But if you let me, Momma'll make it all better...”

What?

“Okay... that's a pretty creepy thing to say, Rarity.”

“But I didn't...” she whines.

Your eyes snap open and you nearly have a damn heart attack at the sight before you.

“Fluttershy!”

“Fluttershy, darling!”

Yep, it's Yellowquiet, standing between the two of you with a bashful smile. She doesn't have a drop of swamp water on her either, lucky-ass pegasus.

“Are you having a good time with Rarity, Anon?” she coos.

“I... guess?”

“Do you love her?”

You and Rarity exchange a look. “Fluttershy, dear, is something wrong?”

She blushes and hides behind her mane. “Is vore your fetish?”

You facepalm. Even here she never lets up.

“No, Fluttershy.”

She giggles. “Oh, that's too bad, because really I want you to become a part of me. Come and give Momma a kiss, Anon...”

What happens next you'll remember for the rest of your life.

Fluttershy's jaw unhinges and expands to five times its size, revealing three repeating rows of saliva-coated razor sharp fangs. From the depths of her hellish maw emerges an even smaller Fluttershy head, like something out of fucking Alien, that hisses at you and chirps out a high pitched 'Yay'.

You just barely have time to leap away before she lunges, ripping a huge chunk out of the ground where you were just moments ago. Rarity lets out a blood curdling scream at the sight. You don't even think, you just grab the terrified marshmallow pony and fucking run.

As you book it as fast as you can through the swamp, the ever-watching eyes begin to converge on you from the shadows. It's an entire army of Fluttershys! One by one their jaws expand, allowing the smaller Flutterheads to emerge and add to the chorus of yays echoing through the trees.

This is the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING. You'd try to hide, but they're everywhere!

“Anonymous! What should we do?!”

“Do you know a spell to wake us up?”

“Of course not!”

“Then we run!”

You continue as fast as you can in one direction. Eventually the swamp disappears and your feet find solid ground, increasing your speed and slowing your pursuers due to the thicker tree cover.

“We might be able to lose them in the dark here if the moon gets covered again...” you say, more to convince yourself than Rarity, while you continue to run. Your eyes frantically search for a good place to hide amidst the tress, but a deafening roar brings your attention forward.

The ground rumbles, several trees are uprooted, and an unholy abomination emerges: a Giant Flutterpede, its one hundred disgusting marshmallowly legs wriggling in the moonlight...

Okay, seriously? Seriously?!

There's nowhere left to run. You clutch the trembling Rarity to you in an attempt to comfort both her and yourself in your final moments together. This is it. This is how you die. You close your eyes and feel a tingling sensation like lightning wash over your body as your last adrenaline reserves kick in and you come to a decision.

If you're going down, you're going down fighting. Goddamn fucking Flutters—

“Ah, Generosity! There you are! Oh, and fair Anonymous as well!”

Your eyes snap open and there sitting next to you is...

“Luna!”

“Princess?!”

Luna looks at the two of you with a puzzled expression.

“Is this a bad time?” She narrows her eyes. “We are not... interrupting anything, are we?”

You point to the Giant Flutterpede behind you, then back to the rapidly approaching FlutterAliens.

She blinks. “Ah, how horrifying. Perhaps we should flee?”

You nod once, and then the three of you are off, following Luna's lead through a path you didn't notice before. As you book it through the forest, the alicorn slows her pace a bit to run beside you and addresses the shell-shocked Squiggletail in your arms.

“Generosity, we are here to check on the status of our dress for this evening's festivities. How goes the design?”

Rarity immediately perks up like nothing's wrong. “Oh Princess, it's simply smashing! Even though it's a bit subtle compared to my usual works, I can guarantee you'll love it! I just need to put a few finishing touches here and there and it'll be perfect!”

Damn, one mention of fashion and she drifts into a whole other world...

“Luna, can you get us out of here?” you ask, hoping for some kind of miracle. “Or maybe do something to stop these things?”

She ponders. “Hmmm? Oh, yes, of course, though we need time to charge the spell in order to extract all three of us. You shall need to distract them somehow.”

Shit, looks like this is up to you, Anon. No pressure, right?

“Oh yes,” Moon Horse continues. “We should also mention that to die within a magically-induced dream such as this will also cause one to expire in the waking world, so try to avoid that.”

Yeah, if you haven't shit your pants already it's definitely happening now.

Luna veers off toward a forest clearing and you follow. Her horn shines, countless ancient looking runes begin to appear beneath her hooves, and her eyes glow with pure magic as she looks to you.

“We need two minutes and no less, Anonymous.”

You nod, setting Rarity down on the grass near Luna. Her expression clearly shows that she understands what must be done while she silently pleads with you not to go. Smiling, you bend down and ruffle her long since messed up mane.

“Don't give me that look, Squiggletail. I know we'll meet again on the other side, and I'll be expecting that suit to be perfect when I get there.”

She nods, several tears escaping her beautiful blue eyes.

You stand and turn toward the approaching Flutterspawn. You know the score here. You don't even stand a chance against one of the smaller ones, let alone the Giant Flutterpede.

But you don't have to.

Though you can't see it, Rarity gasps and Luna cracks a large smile as you remove your boxers, the only article of clothing you have, and hold them triumphantly aloft.

That's right. Even though they're monsters, these are still as part of their most basic nature, Fluttershys.

And as the boxers flap in the breeze, countless eyes follow their every move.

You let go, and the wind carries them straight into the maw of the Flutterpede. The gruesome act of cannibalism that follows should not be repeated here, or anywhere else, ever.

EVER.

Let's just say it bought you enough time for Luna to port you out and leave it at that.

You blink your eyes and find yourself back in the Carousel Boutique with Rarity laying next to you and Luna standing nearby. As soon as she regains consciousness, the unicorn leaps into your arms, crying.

“Anonymous! You cad, you brute, you fool, you brave, brave ape! I don't want to see you ever do something so reckless again!”

You sigh and pat her back. “Hey, hey, we made it, right? That's what matters.”

She sniffles and hugs you tighter. It's kind of funny. You walked in here today hating Rarity, and now you feel strangely close to her. It's amazing what a horrific life or death experience will do for a relationship.

And then you notice Luna in the corner with a hoof over her mouth barely containing her laughter. She collapses on the ground in a fit of giggles, her hoof banging on the floor and tears of mirth flowing from her eyes.

“Huzzah! Th-thou actually believed it! 'To die in a dream is to die in truth?!' 'Tis the most absurd thing imaginable and thou dids't... Ah-Ahahahahahahahahaha~!”

What. You look to Rarity and she seems just as incredulous as you.

“P-Princess... you can't mean...”

“You were responsible for all this?!” you both shout.

Luna holds her hooves up defensively. “N-no, no, do not misunderstand, Anonymous, Generosity. We did not create the dream, nor did we influence it. We truly came here to check on our dress and found the two of you collapsed on the floor and under the influence of weak dream magic. We entered the dream and found you in the middle of the attack in the forest. But at no time were you in any danger; were you to be eaten you would have simply woken up as in a normal dream. We only meant to poke fun, but Anonymous' reaction and his plan... they were oh so delightful! We just... we can't... hahahahaha~!”

Oh she's gonna pay for this later, that's for sure. You share a knowing glance with Rarity. Yep, big time.

Marshmallow Pone stands and fluffs her mane a bit. “Ugh. Still, I can't believe it. That dream was absolutely dreadful! What kind of subconscious could conjure up such a sickening vision, I wonder?” You catch her playful smirk out of the corner of your eye.

Luna yawns. “Oh, in truth it was neither of you. Generosity, you failed a minor sleep spell, correct?” Rarity nods. “Under normal circumstances those affected would not dream at all and simply wake after a minute or so. In order for the caster or a bystander to be pulled into a dream there must already be a dreamer close by.”

“But... whoever could it be? Sweetie's been at school all morning...”

Luna smiles and heads toward the Boutique's entrance. “Follow and see.”

The three of you walk outside. Luna turns to face the building and looks up. You do the same and...

“Holy shit...”

Fluttershy's hindquarters are sticking out of a hole in the roof, her back legs wiggling a bit as she snores. You actually did it... you punted Fluttershit all the way from your house to Rarity's shop! You didn't just shatter your old record... you obliterated it!

You silently fist pump. Man, you can't wait to tell Dash at the party tonight. She’s totally gonna flip out!

Rarity sighs and shakes her head at the scene. “Come now Princess, Anonymous. I believe we have a fitting to do, and I still need your measurements...”

One hellish dream is behind you, but you’re confident it won't be your last, due in no small part to the midnight blue alicorn who flashes you a sly wink and mischievous grin as she trots through the door.

Fucking Luna…