Author's Notes:

So really quick, I was wondering why there wasn't many results on the last chapter, then I realized I accidentally published it in May last year, when the finished version was posted just after the new year... sooo, if'n you guys could maybe read that one first, that would help understand where we are right now i the story.

The next series of chapters will have the sub heading of Broken Thoughts. This is where things get... darker.

Well then 'Pinkamena'... Welcome home. Letting out a sickeningly proud laugh, Gilda locked herself into her room for the rest of the night.

She probably thought she sounded so cool right there, that black hearted b-

No... no calm down Pinkamena... s-she wouldn't want you talking that way. Got it's only been few hours but, it feels like days since all this happened, it's only been minutes since Pinkie left... how am supposed to get through this?... I can't-... I don't- s-she was supposed to do all the living! I was the voice of reason, we get into shenanigans, I think of a quick way out, we laugh, and then get the next bus to the next town as soon as possible. It was supposed to be her crosses to carry, her burdens to bare! Nononono t-that's- that's incredibly selfish... she didn't want all of that- didn't deserve it. That's why I resigned to take the pain for her in the first place... That's why were here- that's why we left home. That's why they hate us, that's why I hate them- dammit, no, breathe, come on breathe, shut your eyes and breathe... ... ...... in and out... ok.

I open my eyes to allow my senses to regain their composure. Piece by piece memories of what I already knew ere from Pinkie' interactions with Gilda. Her anger. Her tears. Her hatred. Of me.

How could she say that to her... how could she hurt her, and throw her in here? Pinkie understood her pain, but Gilda... she's a monster, a heartless monster- a cruel manipulative witch Calm down calm down- NO! DON'T 'calm down' find her. Find her, destroy her!- Pinkie... where are you? This was stupid, I'm no where near ready to do this by myself. I understood that standing around doing nothing would, well, do nothing. I summoned what will power I could and swallowed down the hesitation presently driving my mind. Looking around my current surroundings, it was just as Gilda described it to me. Don't know what else I expected to be honest... Televisions at key locations, room well lit, a well stocked bar (or what I assumed was one, never frequented one myself) and the woman in the corner.

Couldn't see more than the top of her head, as Gilda previously stated, she was deeply enamored with whatever she was reading.

Hmm... No way she didn't hear Gilda talking to me... Must have tuned her out; potentially out of fear; rather than a lack of compassion. Books on either side, and even from here I can sight the tight grip she has on the book... I see... She must be here against her will too... Can't see what the book is however- could give some insight into her personality.... *sigh* or I could do what any normal person should do- what Pinkie would do- and just go talk to her, instead of trying to psychoanalyze her from a far like Batman or something... even though she probably would be most likely anti-social and hostile, at best... Risks aside it would better benefit me to attempt to make nice... preferably before this train of thought starts to become redundant.

In no hurry to get there I made my way in her direction, very slowly. I wonder if she hears me coming and is hoping I won't; then she'll do that thing where someone stops them before they reach them or can talk, and it'll be really awkward for everybody... Aw who am I kidding how could this NOT be awkward- We're in a brothel- chained here by a total sociopath- and I'm expecting to make nice, let alone friends!?

The word 'brothel' passing through my thoughts set off several alarm bells in my head...

Why isn't she here to help me? Why am I by myself- why am I here!? Why did I do this... Lord, I believe in you- I really truly do, but why??? Why here!? Why Gilda!? Was this what its all for? Every cut, and bruise, the SEVERAL dislocations, the times we ran from the law, every dishonest, dishonorable, sinful thing we did to survive for the last some years; was it meant for this!? All that pain!? All that suffering!? Dammit- I-I I'm locking up- a-am I till moving- I can't breathe- I can't do this- not by myself- always been by myself- in real life; my own head- the world is droning past me- why am I here? Am I meant to die here? I can't do this... I can't do this.... I can't.... I can't.. I can't. I can't I CAN'T I CAN'T CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T I- "OW!"

Almost grateful for the (painful) interruption of my inner meltdown, I failed to notice I was on a collision course with the woman's table. Smacking into it knee first, the stacks of books toppled all around the table, and floor.

My knee, my leg, my knee ow ow ooowwww

"Hey! Watch where you're going kid!" Crap crap dammit ow crap dammit OOWWW

"I-I'm sorry! I-I wasn't thinking and lost focus on where I was going- and- oh man, I'm so sorry miss!"

"Clearly you weren't, it's fine, don't bother helping me pick up my stuff you knocked over."

"I'm really, reaaallly sorry" Not sure if she didn't hear me or ignored me; most likely the latter, but either way before I could get half way through my apology, she was already halfway through regathering the books. "Um, c-can I help t all?"

"No."

".... May I help?"

"Better English, but no, forget about it."

"W-Well I did knock them over; and granted I don't know how you sort them but I can at least help get them of the flo-"

"I'm done."

And she was. In the time I spent rambling an apology- she not only picked them all back up but rearranged them exactly as she had them before. Twenty seconds and she already thinks you're a crazy spazz... great start Pinkamena, great start...

Before I could finish deprecating myself she was already nose back in whatever she was reading- no doubt trying everything she can to forget this encounter. It's ok, it's ok... you've botched up first meetings before- just try again! That's what she would do- you can do it too.

"U-uh... I'm, um- *cough* I-I'm Pinkamena... I'm new... here?" Hearing that provoked the purple hired stranger to look up from the book for at least a second- well, kind of- more specifically she just lowered the book so she could see me. One of her eyebrows was raised- not sure if she was contemplating something, or she was just that flabbergasted by my poor socializing skill.... probably both if I'm honest. I could see her giving me a once over, making me feel twitchy and itchy in the process. I hate getting observed like that but she doesn't know so I don't say anything.

And without a word the book was back up. I'd feel more disappointed if I didn't feel it coming. Letting out a dejected sigh, I stood there thinking what else I could do to try and avoid sleeping. I was hoping I wouldn't have to be alone but as per status quo- being on my own has kind of become my gimmick.

Can't sat I didn't try at least... There's TV's in here so that alright I guess. Might as well try and find the remote...

I turned around and left the woman's bubble, maybe some space would soften her up for later and I could try again. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking, I tend to let myself do that sometimes.

I was starting to walk and I swear I heard an intake of breath- was it of a reluctant nature? I was usually the better of the two of us to pick up those kind of cues- but not by much. Still I continued walking; the bar was unoccupied. I don't like to drink but a seat and some escapism sounded pretty nice at the moment. That's when I heard:

"I'm Twilight."

Now... maybe I had something you could call an 'overreaction'; maybe the ultimately small but subtly significant (at least I think so) action of her acknowledging me meant far more than it should have in my duress... And I probably shouldn't have almost blinked back to the table, slamming my hands down with such a force that it knocked several books down again but-

"Nice to meet you Twilight! Thank you so much for giving me this chance!"

"C-chance??? The hell- I just reciprocated the introduction!"

"Yes, but I can see the effort it took for you to even do that- and I appreciate you even giving me a second thought. You won't regret taking the time to reach out to me."

- maybe laid it on too strong... just a bit tho. Twilight stared up at me, eyes wide and unsure... really pretty if I could add, but creeped out I think.

"... K um... While I appreciate your enthusiasm for social interaction... 'Pinkamena'- I really was just introducing myself out of politeness... So bye." Book up, head down. "You have other 'neighbors' you know, our inventory came in today and they're putting it away. Go hang out with them. Much better conversationalists and have more patience-" she lowered the book to shoot me a glare. "- as well. See you around."

She's shooing me away like an annoying child... No darn it I'm more than that! Just have to show it to her somehow.

"Don't send me away, please? I know I just got here and I probably wouldn't have been your first choice for someone to talk to today but I'm scared... I-I'm all alone and if just for a little while I want to forget about my surroundings. I'm not asking to be friends, I just want to be civil... P-please?..."

Dammit I sounded so pathetic right there. I didnt intended to dump all that on her- cause now I feel like I guilt tripped her- but I can't hold this all in like Pinkie could. I'm sure I'll meet the others soon but I want to make sure that no one here.... That no one else here hates me...

"And is that my fault?" She asked without lowering the book. "You would do yourself some good to remove any thoughts bout looking for allies or pity."

"P-'pity'? That's not- no, I- I'm just trying to- I want to be on not bad terms with anyone here that's all."

"Well whining about being stuck here without any friends sure does sound like it to me."

"I'm not whining!-" Twilight lowered the book quickly.

"Keep it down, kid! You wanna give her a reason to comeback in here?" Her voice was a harsh whisper, and her face was tense, her eyes though, I could see that small tint of fear. Fear of Gilda. Should I utilize that now? No, perhaps later if I'm in a corner. I resigned to play along and keep my voice level.

"I am not whining Twilight I was being honest with you. I thought that honesty would appeal to your judgment of character. I understand distrusting someone upon first meeting, but your out right hostility is unwarranted." That only made her more mad as she crossed her arms, rather defensively.

"What? Reality hurt your feelings? And that whole 'judgment of character thing'? Well one slip up got me here. And that slip up was Gilda."

"B-but to vilify someone's integrity to such extremes on a first meeting? that's irrational!"

"Well that's your opinion now isn't it? Irrational feels to big a word for you; I really feel like you want to say 'its not fair', but either way: what you judge is 'irrational' I call irrefutable." I crossed my arms after that comment; starting to get mad.. I don't usually feel like this, Pinkie less than rarely ever got mad. That spat last night was the first time I could remember in a long time she did. Even though I was out of practice I still wanted to try my best to reign it in.

"You're smart aren't you? Must be given all these books- so a question then: isn't that just your opinion Twilight?" Mileage may very on how I did or not though. My question caused her to angrily raise a brow.

"Excuse me?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong but, I think its safe to assume that you base that assumption off of a place of pain, which compromises your judgment already. Add on to that your most likely mal-adjusted endorphine levels, nutrition, and considering the isolation and piles of books, you've probably a feeling of intellectual superiority- your opinion is compromised. So new question: can you not see the irresponsibility in demeaning someone elses opinion, and propping up your own?"

Twilight stared wide eyed at me for several long moments. I was about to mentally celebrate my victory when she tore that notion down by letting out a few dissmisive laughs.

"Pffft ha ha ha! Ok ok Little Miss White Knight- lemme ask you something you don't talk to many people do you? Your logic is fine but dressing it up with all that pretense and hyperbole? You do see the irony don't you? Cause I do." And like a fool I took the bait.

"What irony? I just-"

"Ok, so- let me give you my read of you- you strike me as someone that comes from a place of objectivity. That's a good thing. You see the grey amongst the black and white. Fine and dandy. However you seem to forget that pointing out flaws in someone else's argument does not necessarily make yours better by default. You have to back up your claim with concrete evidence."

"I did! I said-!"

"Ah ah ah, no no no- you are saying my opinion is unjust and unfair based solely on your personal take and the emotions my opinions elicited out of you solely; in this case. Just as many people can agree and just as many can disagree with my statement- fact remains that while I describe it as an applicable fact to you, I'm perfectly aware that there are still good people in this world."

"'In this world'- I didn't say anything about-"

"Well going by assumptions; not unlike the ones you made of me- you were probably going to bring it there anyway. You're definitely a smart person- but considering how much your emotions cloud your judgement; perfectly exemplified by that 'objective bleeding heart' persona you've got going on there, you are very clearly self taught, and most likely had a small or nonexistent circle of humans you were in constant contact with during your developmental years and the few that were either agreed with you, or ignored you. I'd say 'correct me if I'm wrong' but I think we both know for the most part I'm not."

What the hell? How did she do that? She got me down to a T! Pinkie was always better at these things than me, but, minus some offset generalizations, she had me almost totally pegged... almost. In a very non Pinkie train of thought; whom I have little doubt would have attempted damage control by now, I decided to keep these little exchanges going.

"Wow, you're good at this. Taking someone's basic character traits that are apparent in a first meeting and throwing them back at their face? Man, nineties literacy would have loved you." Twilights eyes narrowed as she allowed herself a smirk.

"Oh I know right? But you though- bravo!" *clapclap* "Such unique insight on how peoples minds work. You probably watched through Evangelion once and fancied yourself a psychologist, huh?"

"Twice, actually." I held up two fingers trying very hard not to let my index finger drop. Didn't expect that from her, I would have assumed her somewhat nerdy, but otaku? She grows more interesting by the minute. "All the movies too. Hey you mentioned anime- so I assume you to be the type of person who writes college level thesis' on their anime blog, about how Haiyo Miazaki is the second coming of Walt Disney? Or Jesus?"

"Damn you're really good at this! How did you know? I'm surprised you noticed I figured you were busy posting on Tumblr about how Steven Universe is so progressive and heartwarming while ignoring the show and fandoms basic flaws." This is what I needed. I'm distracted, but focused too. My mind is actually quiet. I can breath. And this is surprisingly really fun, why did I ever let Pinkie have all the fun? I squatted down and leaned forward to put my elbows on the table.

"Oh I'm sorry- is that your comeback? I couldn't hear you over the Something Awful account I can't help but think you have."

Though this 'argument' persisted I felt the tension dissipate somehow. Like it was more of a spar now than actual intellectual combat. Might have been just me, but we got into a flow... I liked it. If this interaction went this well, though rough at the start, I couldn't wait to meet the others.

"Sorry, I couldn't tell but, which of the like seventeen 'chan's do you belong to again?" Risking a joke I feigned offense and raised a hand to my heart.

"*Gaaaasp* how could you think so little of me???"

"You're right. Too good. You're 9gag."

"Wow... I knew you were a cold woman by your lack of social tact, but I had no idea you were so soulless."

"Get used to it kid. Its the running gimmick of this damn place."

"I know. You and Gilda are practically the same person now."

Bad joke. Like reaally bad joke. I had a feeling cause after I said that she went quiet. Dead quiet. Face went blank.

Dammit this is why I needed her around... I could've been her filter there... Or would she have been mine?...

"T-Twi-Twilight? O-ok, that wasn't cool, I-I'm-"

"Don't. You. Ever!" Her fist slammed the table as she shot up from her seat. "Compare me to her again! You go that!?" In a flash I was cowering. I could feel my eyes shake, my skin was crawling.

"I- I-I I-I'm s-sorry I didn't- I wasn't, I didn't mean to- I wasn't thinking I'm sorry!" I was losing coherence in my speech. My hands were wobbly and shaky.

"Well yeah! You better be! Do you have any idea what she's done to us!?? She's a dictator! A criminal! She profits off our bodies Pinkamena- our bodies!" My guilt was eating away. Ripping through my being, as I tried to struggle out an apology.

"P-please, don't-"

"'Don't be mad'!? Screw that and you, Pinkamena! You know, I was kinda starting to like you too- know what, just get out of here!" Knees were weak. I was forgetting to breath.

"What??? N-no don't- I didn't mean to hurt your feelings-"

"This is beyond that- beyooond that Pinkamena- look I get it ok- I've been where you are too, but that doesn't give you the right to say that kind of shit. You've only had a taste of what she can and will do. Now leave me alone. I won't ask again."

"But..." I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do. Not after this... My mouth was open; too shocked to say anything, although it would probably just be a sad attempt at apologizing. I can feel my lower lip, pathetic and whimpering. I couldn't look her in the eye anymore, and i guess she couldn't look at me either; she was sitting down, readjusting her books, and trying to compose herself.

"B...but I... I'm sorry... Twilight." I try so hard to compose myself to some degree but, I feel myself cracking. Breaking down. I felt so bad, and I didn't know how to, or if I even could, make this better, or fix it or not. I tried so hard to keep it together. Was I so weak, so pathetic, that I was going to cry in front of someone I just met? Because of something I did wrong? I know I was wrong but I'm still wanting to cry? Is it for me? For her?

I feel them prickling at my my eyes... I can't blink them back...Dammit... Why am I crying?... Why here? Why now? We swore we wouldn't cry anymore. I swore I wouldn't cry anymore... Don't make a sound, please, save yourself that little bit of dignity. Swaping in and out of these emotions looks scary enough already I imagine I shoulYou should just go... just go and find a corner- to hole yourself up, to cry in, like the worthless child you are.

You are? I? Isn't it I?... I am?... Who was that?... Are I breathing. Have I forget? Wait... No that's not right- I didn't forget to breathe you did. She did? Her did? No I do. Nono no I didn't do it- I did I intake carbon moxide- is that right? Did i say that right? Are there spelling errors in my own head? Is this you're head? Or they're head? Wait did eye t h i n k the right pretense? Where am I? Am I breathing?

This is why I needed Pinkie... She shut that up. Life was easier when I was the voice in her head. No... I can keep telling myself that all I want but the truth is... I was never-

"Look... kid I... I'm sorry. Seriously I... what you said wasn't cool, but I shouldn't have reacted so harshly... I didn't factor in what you've been through, and I know I scared you so..."

"You- *sniff*- y-you don't have to pity me... I-I was out of line, I-I deserved to-"

"I'm not-.... Its not pity. Really I reacted harshly and impulsively, with no regards to how I could have hurt your feelings. You... um... you uh- y-you don't have to leave if you don't want to. D-Don't make me drag this out alright? The others can tell you, my bitchiness doesn't usually make me feel regretful..."

Guess I shouldn't press my luck... I considered myself lucky and accepted her apology.

"Oh... I-It's ok. I was, I said something stupid. You had every right to lash out."

"This doesn't make us friends or anything." I couldn't hide my disapointment at that statement in my face. "L-look kid, its nothing personal. I'm serious, it really truly isn't, but. I have my own problems to worry about. On top of potentionally adding more weight to my burdens its not advisable to be friends in here with anyone."

I stood from my squat position; knees were getting tired. I started picking at my right forearm with my opposite hand. An old nervous habit I never grew out of.

Not exactly how I intended for us to bond, but its a start I guess. Mood is somber, and she's vulnerable. Maybe that's too strong a word; approachable? Either way, this a good chance to redeem myself. I might learn something about this place too.

"C-could, could I ask why? I feel like I'm right in guessing whoever else is here is against their will, right? Why wouldn't you stand by each other? Against Gilda?"

"Not all of them... just us."

"'Us'? You mean just the two of us?"

"No..." Twilight crossed her arms as she broke eye contact, now staring blankly at the table. "The two I mentioned before... Gilda was very careful in her... her... selection"

The way she said that word made my stomach quake in disgust. Not only was Gilda insane, she was good at this... thing she does; what is it she's doing? I have even less of a clue now...

I can see how this topic is affecting her... I don't want to repeat my last mistake; I should be extra cautious of her mental state right now. Should I stop? This doesn't appear to be a harsh trigger yet, but perhaps now that she's recomposed, she could have a better handle on her emotions. I don't want to make her mad again but, she's the only one here right now.... If this gets to hard for her I'll play it safe and back off.

"What do you mean by that?" I made a risky move and attempted to move into the booth; on her left. I move slowly, testing her reaction, being careful not to disturb her books again, or startle her. I've... done these types of things before. Plus my feet hurt, like, a lot.

She doesn't halt my movement as I move closer. I risk sitting down; scooting myself near her, a little more than a body away.

"Sorry if that's too personal- I-I understand if you don't want to talk about this. I-is uh... I-is this ok?" I ask gesturing to my sitting at her table.

I see her eyes flick over to me for a tick, and back to the table. The gesture did not sit well with me, so I tried to damage control and make my way out.

"S-sorry, it's just, I've been standing for a while and I wanted to sit down- I-I'll move if you want."

"Its fine; whatever. Point is you, me, and the other two she personally decided to make her, basically, slaves; her, 'Main Attraction' as I heard her spew out more than several times in the past. Based on some twisted, and pardon the language, fucked up logic that somehow must make sense to her... I can still remember her the pride in her voice as she 'inducted' me into this place..."

And to think I wasted Empathy on her... Two sides to a story or not, there's no forgiving, or excusing this; impossible- even she would have to agree, right? After everything she did- she has to! Wouldn't she!??? Ok breathe... breathe in the air... I'll just pretend I don't know. I can't... I can't talk about it now.

"I... Can't remember... It all happened in a blur- she is crazy thoigh as we've established a-and she seems the 'ranty' type so it- she might have told me something... All I remember is it hurting."

"I can see that. I didn't notice it til you said that, but- does that hurt?"

"Does... what, hurt?"

"That mark, under your jaw there." She pointed to my face. "Its coming in nicely. To put it, uh, nicely."

"M-mark?" I raised a hand to rub my jaw searching for what she was talking about. I almost exclaimed in pain after finding it. All cover the left side of my jaw, I could feel tender, bruised flesh... I didn't even feel it until now.

"O-oh, I um, I-I didn't realize that was there..."

"You must be made of pretty tough stuff kid; not being able to feel that thing."

You could say that...

We were quite for a time after that. Seeing me offer no response or rebuttal, Twilight opted for what was about the, maybe, fourth time now, once again, picked up her book and attempted to resume reading.

I took this opportunity to (mostly out of my peripherals) get a good look at Twilight, now that we weren't battling the wits, I could see something I missed. Her hair was the first thing I really noticed; the side by side purple and pink streaks she had running through it were very eye catching. Easy on the eyes too. Very nice lilac. Maybe personality wise she's a little too uptight for my tastes in friends but she could lighten up in time. Nothing really note worthy in her attire. Simple shirt and jean combo, look cheap; efficient- can't see the shoes and I don't want to make the effort to look. That'd look weird...er. Don't know brands at so I can't place who made them.

The shirt was interesting to look at though; Black T-shirt, had a creepy looking alien on the front. Almost looks like a sock... puppet- hey! I recognize that thing! That's-

"Ziltoid."

Saying his name shocked her enough to almost drop her book again.

"Huh? What did you say?"

"That's Ziltoid. Ziltoid the Omniscient; on your shirt. That's really cool, I like it."

"You... You know about Ziltoid?..." Yes! This is what I needed- common ground.

"Yes, of course. I've followed that guy since I was fourteen, Devin uh... Uh-"

"Townsend..." Bewilderment? Perhaps I impressed her.

"Yeah! I Love his music. All his stuff; solo, DTP, SYL. Even that funny 'Punky Brüster' thingy he did." Twilight eyes were fairly widened as I listed off what I liked from him.

"Hm. Wow, gotta say kid, didn't expect that from you. Not from anybody really, but definitely not you." Wasn't exactly I compliment but I was taking what I could get at this point.

"Heh yeah. His music gels well with my personality; the eclatic nature. He's a kindred spirit. That I've never met ha ha..." That's it. Keep it up... Keep the subject off of you... Me!

"Hm. I know what you mean. I had this joke in high school that he was my 'spirit animal'. There was a double meaning in there cause he has that song-"

"Animals!"

"Mm-hm. No else that it was funny but I did." You've- I've always been good at distracting anyway.

"Ha. Well you're right, that is funny." Progress, ok progress. So far so good, don't screw it up.

"Do you like his Strapping Young Lad Material, Twilight?"

"I must admit I don't usually partake in heavy genders that extreme but pretty much everything he makes tends to be very well written and produced. If a little stressful on the ears."

"Seriously... Remember 'City'? I swear that by Detox I neex a nap ha ha..."

"Agreed. Not the best to try and read to."

"Really good sprinting or running music though." That statement made her raise a brow.

"Do a lot of 'sprinting', Pinkamena?" Ugh... It's so odd not hearing her name. That's gonna throw me off.

"W-well no. I-I walk a lot though. That's how I got here; to Nevada."

"Pretty specific part of Nevada. Where you coming from?" Ok here we go... Remember the story.

"Fresno." Don't ask too many questions please don't ask too many-

"Oh California huh? That's funny. I'm from good old Los Angeles. Its like Fresno but Sorteños instead of those guys from Merced. And a little bigger."

Oh. O-ok good.

"Y-yeah, I know. Scary sometimes but if you grow up there you know how to work through it."

"Not as scary as here... This is the real thing... What the report on the news, write in books or in online fetish stories." I swiped some hair that drifted in front of my eyes away from me. I had almost deluded myself succesfuly into forgetting for a little bit there...

"It hasn't set it I guess for me yet.. I don't know... Twilight? How do you deal with this? How you... I-it must be- I can't imagine having to wake up to this everyday... I know I'm going to have to but... You've been here a long time yeah? How do you manage?"

"Well its just sex right?" Ew... "Biology. Simple in out in out. Most customers are too wasted to last long so just fake some pleasantries and its over before you know it. Won't spare you from the shame but its over quicker. Plus... and I'm not um, not proud of this, but Gilda forces me to... take cannabis into my system bef-... b-bef-for I go on the f-floor..." Poor thing... Its not bad; the effect of the stuff, I guess but, I don't like the taste...

"I'm sorry... I couldn't begin to imagine what- how that makes you feel." I see her try her best to shake it off. Most likely doesn't want me to worry, or doesn't trust me enough to open up. I don't blame her nor am I surprised at all; we did literally just meet.

"I-I mean it helps relax me. Makes it easier... I've found a lot of things are easier when..." She trailed off. I tilted my head to the side; wanting a finished answer.

"When what, Twilight?" I see her eyes state down, moving several directions quickly. Her mind must work a mile a minute, possibly deciding whether or not to tell me.

"It is... easier when... when you... don't feel... anything. When you're..."

"Numb?..." I finished much to smoothly.

Twilight looked at me with a certain feel in her eyes that didn't have one word. It was... relief? Because someone understood? Perhaps fear? Because someone understood?... She looked at me in the eyes again, and it could have been my mind messing with me, but, I swear I saw a clean pass through thise lilac iris'.

"Yes." Breaking eye contact again, she looked down at her lap. I can sympathize; this conversation probably was definitely not how she saw her day going when she woke up this morning, I'm sure. I reached a hand out, offering what little consolation I could.

I thought maybe laying my hand over hers; it would be the most comforting, but it could come across as intamte in some way- which is the opposite of my intention, plus we did just meet, so it wouldn't be appropriate.

I thought about giving the arm a gentle grasp, but I feel like that would be too little, not properly reflecting the gravity of the atmosphere, and could come across as awkward when I want to be genuine.

I resolved for her shoulder, but in a motion that's cupping the shoulder forward, not too close to the neck; no skin contact. I made doubly sure of that. If I touch a centimeter off of the shirt, her mind could register that as an advance or get too close to her a neck an attack of some sort. Pinkie and I have had a lot of time to learn these subtle nuisances; came in handy for many things. Free food, free bus fare, letting us sleep at places for free. We had to make friends with bad people. Do things. Very bad things. That's why it worked, why we worked. She had the disposition, I had the analysis, she had the mouth, I had the words, I had the cunning, she had the execution. The best benifit of all we ever had though, something most of them didn't realize until we were long gone; to echo Twilight, was a single misjudgment of character.

I squeeze softly. When she turns to me like anticipated, she looks unsure. I smile as gentle as I could and reassure her that 'Its alright' that 'I understand'.

No one ever expects the bubbly happy one to be a con artist.

So many times we stole from people right under their noses. Never any the wiser. How many families did we turn on each other? Relationships we damaged, ended and strained? How many lies did we tell without a trip in our voice, or an audible tell. She felt bad in the beginning, but, even without my reasurrance; she realized, we had to survive. I mean come on, think about it! Little innocent, pink haired, happy go lucky girl all alone? No parents? Care givier or guardian? How easy would ot be to help a person like that? To hurt them? Use them? Like them? Love them? Do angthing for them? To them. That's why it was perfect. She was the perfect cover. We were the perfect runaway. Pinkie and me.

Understandably she's nervous, and awkward from the affectionate action, but thanks me appreciates me 'having patience with her on an off day', as an attempt at humor. That elicits a laugh out of me, and let go.

Then those damn Cakes; Mr. and Mrs... They wormed their ways into our heart with their kindness... In a way it was sick. We did very bad, grown up things, and in a flash they were adult figures we wanted to make smile. Like how it use to be for us. They didn't know about me; they never would have, but we would have had a home... then Gilda...

This was different though. Very different. This was genuine. This was me. I empathize with this woman, not just pity, or looking at any benefit for myself. Granted, we are both stuck here, so interaction was inevitable- but imprisioned or not, this was real. It sounds horrible, I suppose it is, but it made me excited to meet the others in our situation. People to relate to, connect to, real people, maybe... maybe even friends. But it starts with her, and on if I can levitate some of the heaviness from her heart, like Pinkie would do. Like she'd want me to do. Despite it all she was still good at heart. Not me. Never me.

I was pleasantly surprised when we engaged in what could be called 'friendly' conversation after that. Talking about nothing really, I commented on her books, we exchanged a few playful jabs like earlier, before I messed it up. I liked that, it was a unique dynamic for me. Conversation didn't go nonwhere but that was ok, I was in no hurry to go anywhere. I zoned in and out of a story she was telling me about kne of the other women, not out of boredom, but this has been an exhausting day... I needes to sleep soon, but... I'd do anything to put that off as long as I could.

".. so I asked Applejack 'are those real?' And she looks down at her chest and retorts with a ' you serious?' And I said 'yeah those boots look hella fake'."

"Pfft, oh my Goodness.... You really like putting people on the spot and making them awkward don't you?" She shrugs.

"Its fun. And I don't do it to hurt them... Well not any more... Her and Rarity; they're good people. Just stuck in a hell hole."

"Not the uh, 'best# way to make friends is it?"

"Jesus no... Hm. 'Friends'... I mean, they're friendly and all, don't get me wrong, but like I said, despite how good I feel they are, its not a good idea to have friends here..."

"But why? It feels like you're all you guys have?"

"Applejack... *huff* I mean, I guess I started it when I pissed her off, but... w-well ok, us being friendly had nothing to do with it -fully- I guess but I... L-look long story short: some months ago, a few wrong words made Gilda threaten our families. Very convincingly... They know where they live, she showed us that... I'm not particularly religious, but I think the metaphor goes 'fear of God', right? Well... she put that in us alright. Immediately afterwords she... *sigh*... Applejack..."

So what I saw was true... They really can find anybody Dear God... who do they work for?... It couldn't be... I couldn't finish the thought. I would die right there if I even had an inkling it was true.

"She humiliated her. Gilda, I mean. Applejack was the only one brave enough to stand against her... but Gilda got the upper hand... Long as I live I'll never forget that day Pinkamena."

I felt my fists clench. Anger... hatred... things I haven't felt in a long time; thoughts I hadn't conjured up in a long time, resurfacing... Ready to boil over.

Breathe.... breathe.... For now there's nothing you can do.... ^{TheRe NEver WAs} what?... W-who-

yyyyOOOOOuuu were worthless sinccccssseee birth

no... nonono please go away... Haven't you been here before? WHAT!?

It is night as she enters the city, out of view from anyone that could suspect anything. She has walked for days now; clothes torn, filthy, jacket riddled with holes, and patches covering up old ones, curly hair a tangled mess. The bottoms of her feet burn something terrible, her back aches with every step, shoulders sore from the weighty backpack strewn on them.

Yet her smile never wavered for a second.

For though she was by herself, she was not truly alone. She has a friend; a special friend. to accompany her through every moment of her journey. Through thick and thin, through pain and what mild pleasure there is, she is there. For years they have been together, attached at the hip, relatively speaking.

Excitement fills the optimistic drifter, as she nears the city's entrance. 'A new place to make home for a while!', she thought. 'Hope we can actually make this one last for a while...' she wishes.

'We will,' her friend assures, 'it's all a matter of meeting the right people, and convincing them to help us.'

The prospect of meeting new people, potentially making a friend or two, gives the young woman a new found spring in her step , that carries her the rest of the way, until she is finally in the town, of Carson City. 'Not too big, but not all that small I guess.' she reasons. 'My tummy's rather rumbly... can we stop for some food?', she all but begs.

'I suppose so. Provided 'food', isn't just an excuse to gorge out on pan dulce again...', she chastises.

"You know you loved it! I wasn't going to anyway.", she "promises".

Minutes roll by as she treads across the street, kicking random rocks, and trash as she comes across it, trying to pass the time until she found a suitable establishment for dining. And she did. At the end of a plain old street, at a corner that looks like any other, there sat a quaint little restaurant that peaked the pairs interest. Well... one in particular, anyway.

'Hmm... Sugar-Cube Corner huh? That place looks nice, can we go in!?', the young woman pleaded.

'I guess... wait, that place looks like it specializes in deserts, not food food!'

'You didn't say anything about donuts and cupcakes!', she loop-holed.

Her companion sighs, not in exasperation, but in a fond nature. She should have know that her friend would find some loop-hole around the 'no-sweets' policy.

'I suppose I didn't, did I? Very well then, Pinkie. Lead the way.'

'Hee hee, thanks!'

And so they entered the restaurant. Those she met while inside, and two peculiar looking twins she would encounter a few weeks from then would, like several before her, warp her young life forevSTOP!

What is.... Where am- who- didn't I already-

"Pinkie? You ok? You look spaced out."

"What??? Oh... U-um I- I I'm sorry... Today has been exhausting for me a-as you can imagine." I'm losing... I'm losing myself... I can't... Oh God... I can't I can't.... Why are you here?

"Yeah I can imagine. I remember my first day... Need help to your room? Might help you to get some sleep."

You don't care about me... you're just like the rest... you don't care if I'm happy... you just want to hurt me!

"U-um m-ma-maybe I-I usually don't sleep..."

no...... no you're different.... you don't actually want to inflict harm on me; you can't, not really, rather...you want to see me hurt. U wnt 2 c

"Like.... much? A lot? You can't just not sleep ever."

you want to see me suffer. because you won't do it yourself. Because you physically can not. Isn't that y WHY you are here? Wish fulfilment?

"W-w...w...w-well if I could I wouldn't sleep. I-I don't like it."

you get to watch as my life is destroyed.... and laugh....
just like her.... She always used to say JUST LAUGH AND SMILE but that's not why you're here- it never was... u just wnt 2 c payne dished out, paine u cld nvr take THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE.

RIGHT!? I'm losing my mind... I didn't mean too... I can't stop myself.

"Why not? Sleep is the one release I have anyway of this place."

Just laugh and smile

"I can't."

J u st laugh and smile

"I... I don't understand, why though. I couldn't stop myself. She eas getting scared. I couldn't stop myself.

Jus t Laugh and smlie

"I don't want to."

Jus t La ugh And Smile

"I'm sorry if I am prying, but why?" She's nervous. I couldn't stop myself.

J U S T laugh and S M I L E

"Twilight!-..."

[iJ][UcSolorT=#Laf2A6U7G3H][A/cNolDoSrM]I[L/iE]

I grasp her hands. Desperation. She's terrified. I can't stop herself-myself

"What the- what's gotten into you!?"

"That's when they get me-" I stare do into her eyes. Begging for understanding. She's terrified. I can't stop myself.

IS THAT NOT WHY YOU'RE HERE!?

"W-what!?!? I don't understand- WHAT gets you!?"

"The Ghosties."

yes

Its quiet. They've broken through. I've lost. Myself. I've lost to them. They win... Its quiet. She's confused and terrified. I lock up, my arms are limp. I drop her hands. My mind seeks to destroy me. Its quiet. I'm too weak to defend myself anymore. So tired. So quiet. She's terrified. In the silence my mind took me. I can't stop myself.

where am I? Why was I chosen? I don't want to think about what I have to do... Or the people I'll meet, the things I'll feel.... I feel my life being taken away from me.

How long will I be here?

Months?

Years?

Decades?

Am I going to die here?

Die?... Do I die?

Would Gilda kill me? Will I ever escape? Will I ever see the Cakes again? Is this punishment?

I'm I dead?

Do I deserve this? Do I belong here? Did God abandon me? IS there a God? What's the point of living this life if it will all only be suffering?

Is this death?

Is it all my fault? It IS all my fault. No its Pinkies fault- my fault? Our fault? Is there in 'our'? In 'us'? Is it just me? Has it always just been me? Is she real?

Do I deserve to die?

No I'm the one who isn't real- no that's not right I feel everything around me- I am conscience of my senses- w-wait who is this?? No no, that's Twilight you just met her- wait who is 'you'? Who are you!? Is that me!? Am I me!!??

Is this nothing? Is this death?
Am I a woman?

I don't know what to do- I'm trapped! Pinkie! Where are you- NO stop she isn't.... I'm not.... We aren't... No no there never was a WE STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP- IS THIS VOICE IN MY HEAD MINE!? ARE THESE THOUGHTS MINE!?

Is a woman supposed to be this dirty? Impure?

WHAT IS MINE!?!! THIS BODY!? THAT BELONGS TO GILDA NOW!? THIS ANGER??? THIS ISNT ME- I'M NOT ANGRY YOU'RE JUST SAD-;

'YOU'RE'?! WHO SAID THAT!?

WAS IT YOU!?

NO STOP IT.... STOP IT! THERE IS NO YOU- THERE'S ONLY ME- WHY DID I LEAVE HOME!?? WHY ARE WE- NO WE, NO WE!!- WHY AM I HERE! WHY AM I ALL ALONE!?!? I WANT TO CRY- WANT TO SCREAM; WHAT IS THIS??? IT HURTS..... OH GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? MAMA! PAPA! WHY DID YIU HURT US- WHY DID YOU LET THEM HURT ME!?!?! THERE'S NO QUIET NO PEACE I CAN'T THINK- I CAN'T.... I.... OH GOD I CAN'T BREATH I CAN'T... I.... i... i... cant b...br...breath...ca....

My hands clasp at my heart, I have trouble breathing- my hear feels like its going to explode, my inhaling quickens but I'm not taking in any air. My mind is racing. My vision is wobbly. Twilights lips are moving but I can't hear what she's saying... I feel my self going down... I think a hit the table... I'm not sure.

Pinkie's life flashed before me, I remember everything we did to get here so clearly it hurt. The people we met, talked to, laughed with, lied to, used, betrayed. The times we avoided death.

I remember Ma and Pa. I remember hating them. Hating school, family, students, priests, the world... I remember my first sin. My first drink, first dance, first kiss, first love, the first time I made love with someone. Memories of a life that's only been half mine for a long time. I remember my sister. I remember hating her as she left... I remember how proud I was.

I can't keep my eyes open. I think Twilight is trying to carry me... maybe someone else?

I remember the day I ran away. So afraid, so determined, so foolish, so haply. I remember the first time we were mugged. The first time we were used. The first time we fought back. Years alone with memories only meant for the two of us. So much regret...so much anger and hate... I never deserved to be Pinkie Pie... I was always meant to be Pinkamena... but Pinkie is gone now. There's only me.

I'm going... I think I'll pass out any second now... maybe the Ghosties will give my dreams a break tonight. Getting darker.......

There is only me because... because I can say otherwise all I want... but I... As much as I wanted her to live life the truth is... I was never the voice in her head...

...... she was the voice in mine.

nighty night.........zzzzzz........zzzzzz zzz....