Author's Notes:

Just a heads up; I totally see Twilight as the type of person to give people disparaging nicknames for people in her head, and periodically use them, and change them up.

I'm more inspired then ever to finish this story. I always was, but I have a clear vision and goal- and a plan more importantly, in place. I hope it continues to be enjoyable.

Further and further down the spiral we go... also quick lols that voice feature that reads to you on this site is amazing and takes the tension out of anything I love it XD

Oh shit.

If someone told me that when I woke up today I'd meet some crazy, nice, but crazy kid, she'd collapse, and I would have to deal with it, honestly, I probably would have wanted to just stay in bed.

'The Ghosties', 'they get me', doesn't like to sleep- what the hell is she talking about??

"Pinkamena! Kid! Get a hold of yourself!" I try reasoning with her verbally, I even try shaking her shoulders but I see that glazed over look in her eyes; wherever she is right now mentally, its the farthest place from here.

I could have dealt with that, but then she fell over, hit the table and if mumbling incoherently wasn't creeping me out enough, my Goddamn books were knocked over again.

Ok come on Twilight, priorities. Forget about the books, focus on the person that collapsed in front of you. Oh eww she's drooling! Napkins napkins napkins- ok!

I almost forgot these tables had napkins. If someone also told me that when I meet said crazy person I would have to play care taker, or nurse for them, I would have asked 'why would you wish such an awkward fate on me???' I'm no nurse! I don't think bandaging my little brothers 'boo-boos' when he was a kid count.

Why should I care anyway? Ok hold up, that sounded selfish even to me- but like, shouldn't I get help first? I just met her, but even so, helping someone doesn't have to be awkward unless I make it. But still, she's clearly crazy! Well ok, that's a childish statement; I'm a woman of science, so lets deduse what we know. Wait, no, do that after I try and help her.

I scooted out of the booth as fast I could, tripping several times along the way, napkins in hand. Mom always said I wasn't particularly graceful for a girl.

Pinkamena fell face first onto the table, already I knew that would make the swelling on the bruise on her face worse. I got to her side of the table, knelt next to her, and as gentle as I could; one arm around the waist, the other on her opposite arm, I pulled her out of her seat. Anticipating the dead weight, I would describe my action as a gentle yank more than a hard pull, but with her unconscience, it will lessen any soft tissue damage; no need to worry about further injuries. Not from me. I use to lose arm wrestling to Spike when he was as young as eight.

I laid her on her back. I hoped I was doing this right- since she was drooling, I stressed that she wasnt swallowing her saliva, she must have if she was still breathing though right? Right. Probably.

Taking the napkins, I wiped the the spot from her mouth, and chin. Trying my best to clean her up, but without the napkins tearing, or the liquid bleeding through; if I get spit on me I'll freak.

Her hair was unrealistically straight; not a strand out of place despite the fall. Though she was sleeping she didn't look at peace at all. Not discontent, I guess, but it didn't look like a peaceful slumber. I get on both knees and shifted her head into my lap as I weighed my current situation in my head.

This is creepy, this is weird, this is creepy, this is awkward, this is creepy! Ok- stop, chill, just chill... *huff* just breathe. No big deal right? A possible schizo in my lap, who I swear must have cast some magic or some shit on me- I have no idea why I was as open as I was- freaking out talking about 'Ghosties'. Said 'Ghosties' are most likely just nightmarish hallucinations her sick mind cooked up; and now that I'm thinking about it, could some of that interaction been an act? She seemed to be genuine in her kindness- but considering how well composed she was for most of it (least as far as I can tell) she's clearly been dealing with this for a long time, but for whatever reason, something snapped and broke her. Something... And I'm not sure I want to know what did.

I look down at Pinkamena. So many different thoughts trying to tell me what to do, what to feel. None of them felt complete. I can only guess how long this kids been suffering, but as much as I wanted to ponder on that, I had to do something to help her.

Ok lets see.... Oh! Rarity and Applejack! They should be done stocking our inventory by now, I'll go find them! I shouldn't leave her alone though... even if her condition doesn't worsen I don't need Gilda randomly deciding to come back out and find her. I cringe thinking of the sick kicks she'd probably get out of it. I'm going to have to carry her... all dead hundred something pounds of her... shit...

I maneuver her off of my lap, and loop my arms behind hers and attempt to drag her. I only got a few steps before I felt my back strain, letting out a curse in discomfort.

"Ok... new plan."

I tried kneeling down again, using all my strength, I tried scooping her into my arms- figured bridal style could work... it did not. As soon as I tried to stand again, my knees gave out and instead of rising to my feet, I fell backwards and now Pinkamena was on top of me.

Oh my God NOOO!! Not this stupid, anime style slapstick crap! This subhuman is drooling all over me! Ok, OK that wasn't nice, after all, she didn't mean to do this. I think. Just roll her off of you and try again.

The fall had ended with me on my back, and a now horizontal Pinkamena laying across me, abdomen to abdomen.

It's abdomen right?
Yeah... hell it doesn't matter, I'm a scientist not a doctor! Ok um... Dammit no matter which way I roll her this is going to feel weird... Sh-...Sh-should I roll her towards me? Away? I could slip out from under her?... Oh man... God dammit, GODdammit I don't want to be doing this! I guess towards me??? I can slip out from under her while I do it and get out of this faster.

My hands shoot to her sides, and at the risk of getting a hernia, I pulled the Pink kid as hard as I could towards me. With a heave she was on her back and I was lower but....

Back squishing breasts back squishing breasts back squishing breasts ow ow ow off off OFF

Not. Comfortable. I was almost done, so without losing too much confidence, I heaved again. This produced worst results.

BREASTS SQUISHING FACE BREASTS SQUISHING FACE BREASTS SQUISHING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOooohahahod she's sooooft AH!

I slip out from under her as fast as I can and wipe the sweat now starting to peak out of the top of my head.

Skin... soft skin- touching, sliding against, dirtying my skin, germs gross gross GROSS!!! Why did it have to be a brothel owner! I hate skin! I hate feeling flesh- I hate this! And this THING passes out in front of me and I have to deal with it! That's not fair- this isn't fair! I hate this, I hate everything about this place- I want to go home! I want to see Spike again!... Spike... No. Not, not now. Gotta help Pinkamena.

I just now noticed she was laying on her back flat again, realizing my error, I scrambled my way over to her, arching her head so it was on my lap. Right back where we started. Dammit.

Dammit! Ok think think... think... You're a rational woman, what's something a rational person would do in this situation?...

I mulled over whatever few options I had, normally I take the time to weigh the pros and cons but I'd never encountered a scenario like this before- I had know way of knowing if Pinkamena was on short time, or if I had injured her somehow. Deciding to give into basically the only option I actually had- I went with my gut instinct:

"AppleJA~~CK!" What? I was desperate!

To my shock and surprise she heard me.

"Twilight? What're ya yellin' your head of fo- what in tarnation!?" I didn't see her come in, but almost immediately after her exclamitory question she was right beside me. "What happened? Who's this? She ok???"

Too many questions, too fast- breathe, breathe, breathe...

"S-she uh, sh-she's Gilda's newest victim. Name's Pinkamena. W-we were talking, and out of nowhere she freaked out; I think it could have been a kind of panic attack? Anyway, she fell over, and I was trying to carry her over to you, but she is deceptively heavy!"

I see Applejack use her index finger and thumb to turn Pinkamenas head towards her.

"... She looks young... damn Gilda. Look at that mark on her eye... She roughed this one up. I'd go so far as to guess personally too. She has a thing about doing that..."

The idea of Gilda roughing up Pinkamena makes me simultaneously angry and sick to my stomach. Kid's no doubt got a screw or two lose, sadly, but I highly doubt she deserved whatever happened to her. I know her too; Gilda... she probably had no issue with trying to justify it to her- she's scum, and has a perpetual talent for making someone hate themselves.

"Yeah... she does. She's kinda weird but she's nice enough... why her?"

"Answer to that's in Gilda's head; a place I want to remain as far away from as possible. Come on, help me get her up; lets get her to Rarity. The two of us'll look 'er over see what we can patch up." I nod.

"Right." Together we heaved Pinkamena into Applejack's arms, the cowgirl finding it much easier to carry her.

"What in the hell you talkin' about 'heavy'? She's light as a goshdern feather, Twi!"

"Up yours, brute! Do I look like I can sustain another persons weight with these twigs I call arms?"

"Hell I'm surprised you carry that massive head on ya shoulders."

"Why you-!"

"Enough. I'm taking her to the back room. You comin'?"

I contemplated it a second longer than perhaps I should have. That corner of mine I never find myself leaving; so if I do go back there, Applejack and Rarity will most likely ask questions, and I hate interrogations. They wouldn't see it as that, but I would. Alternatively; I do want to make sure Pinkamena will be ok, or at least stable; I agreed to come along, despite how out of character (to them) it would seem.

On our way to the back, I paused and spared a glance behind; making sure no one was watching. The truth is since the three, well four now, of us are here against our will- that kind of information doesn't exactly stay secret. Plenty of the others here will, and have, sell/sold us out if it protects their positions and hides from Gilda's scorn. Gilda doesn't play favorites, but she does appreciate a good mole.

Catching up with Applejack, I entered the kitchen area, where she was laying our comatose guest on the food prep table. Biting my tongue at the temptation of reminding Applejack how unsanitary that is, I made a mental note to wipe it down when they leave. Rarity was in there, looking shocked, maybe even horrified, as she was explained the situation of our new co-worker.

She's a warm person, I can't fathom how she keeps that up. Maybe the almost entire year of alcohol helps with that.

A year she's been here... almost, I think. How long has it been now Spike?... Two years? Three? Since I saw you? Since I... last held you. That's how life works though right? Like that song '... then one day you find, ten years have got behind you?' Feels like forever.... like yesterday. I feel it... My life wasting away, passing me by. Where could I have been by now? Where could we have been by now, Spike? I wanted so badly, to work hard enough to get, at least you, out of here. Get you into a school, away from the life you've had, even away from me if necessary. I know we fought a lot near the end, I get it; the stress of all the death we've seen together. Mom, Dad, my brother.... Oh Shining... I... Don't cry... Dammit don't cry. Not here; not in front of them.

I heard, or my sense registered at least, that Fancy Person and Rhinestone were talking, but I couldn't remember a word. I'm instantly tuned back in, however, when they begin removing Pinkamena's shirt.

"Um HEY, what are you two doing???"

Rarity made eye contact with me as she answered.

"Oh darling look at her, the poor thing looks like she's been through Hell. Me and Ms. Applejack decided it would be a good idea to check for any other injuries and see if they can be treated."

"Shouldn't you, like, God... Ask her?..."

"Twilight, dear I completely understand if you're uncomfortable at the thought, so please, do not feel you need to force yourself on our account. Applejack mentioned you were with her when she fell, when she wakes up I'm sure she would be delighted knowing you helped as much as you did."

Dammit Glamour Shot, that's not it... you didn't f... feel um her on your... and to put actual visuals to the sensation...
holy shit.

"No. No, its cool. We're all adults here, right? Female adults. Its not like we're squeamish male types, right?"

This time Applejack looked at me.

"Uh Twilight, I don't think bein' a woman is really important here. Anyone can be nervous about this without it being labeled to a stereotype for guys."

Shit- last time I attempt humor. Stupid... rational objectivity white knight...

"That uh... that was a joke, Applejack."

She stared blankly and blinked.

"Oh. ... It wasn't funny-"

"TAKE the damn shirt off, Bumpkin!"

Letting out a chuckle at my expense, Mrs. Ozarks signaled Rarity to prop up Pinkamena. Together they removed her jacket; nothing too bad- some old cuts and mild bruising. Removing the shirt itself was something else entirely.

"Oh Lord..."

My mind in all of its hang ups couldn't even register the scandly clad woman- I was too focused on her 'collection'. Some old, and recent cuts along her stomach, chest, and upper area around the shoulder blades. Bruises across her chest that look like they went underneath her bra. I could see marks, God, they looked like scratches- claws even! Trailing lower down her stomach, along her sides. More bruises, and insecionary wounds. They... they look like they go underneath her pants.

Good God... I'm gonna be sick... If they remove them, I-I'll lose it. Shit, what happened to this kid? A... A-are those bites on her... and her... oh shit... my stomach.

Applejack and Rarity are coming through in mumbles again, most likely comparing visual notes on Pinkamena. I'm so out of it, I practically jump out of my skin when Rarity; gently as she could, to her credit, set her hands on my shoulders.

"Twilight. Are you still there, dear?" I have more difficulty meeting her eyes than I care to admit.

"Y-yeah. I'm good. It's just... a lot to take in." I'm in such a stupor, my sanitation phobias don't kick in when she transitions her hands to my face.

"Are you certain? We hold nothing against you if you wish to bow out. It is easy to see how uncomfortable this whole mess is making you, so do not feel any shame if you wish to leave. We are grateful enough that you stuck it out as long as you have." I nod my head. Firmly, but probably unconvincingly.

"Yes. I'll be fine." Rarity nods as well.

"Very well... Twilight, we are going to remove her bra, the -ahem- 'lower region's we will wait until she wakes, for her consent, but there are injuries we must bandage up, and disinfect. I am giving you a 'heads up' as they say, so if that is too much for you-" I squirm myself free from her silky grasp, even more twitchy now.

"I-I can't. Not for that. I'll stay, but I'll look elsewhere. Just let me know when your done, yeah?" With a thin pressed lips and a determined bop off her head, Rarity headed back towards her and Applejack 'patient' and I made myself acquainted with the wall, with an about face.

It was a nice wall. A strong silver; stainless American steel. 'Steel' reminds me if the 'Steelers and how much my Dad hated that football team. Football reminds me of the lunches Mom would make on those game days. I miss those days... I miss my parents, only more and more as I get older. Those days remind me of Spike. He loved Football, wanted to be a quarter-back. He had a little ball he'd play with, with Dad, he knew the players by their names, not just teams, had too many jerseys to count. Eighteen when I left him. How old are you now? Twenty-Two? Its almost Fall again I think; birthday is the fourteenth of November, so almost.

Age brings me to myself. I'm twenty-five. Quarter way through... how much life do I have left? How much of my soul did Gilda take away from me? If I could ever get out of here, could I even get my life on any kind of track? The memories here would stain my mind for however long I live. Life... my life... its practically over and done. One bad day ended my life, I was supposed to go to school. Give Spike a better life...

Christ it never really hit me but... that's over. That can never happen. If Gilda has it her way I'll stay here forever, or until I get too old. When that day comes, she'll probably watch, she'll watch as they put the bullet in my head. Hmm... death. Never really scared me, not too much at least. Its nature. But... like this? Death given by this scum? Is that my fate? And what if they do? Is death just a state of mind? What if they shoot me in the head then? Nothing? And what if Heaven is real? Do I even deserve to go there? I've never been a believer. I think I'm a good person, but- shit, how does all this work? Am I here because I deserve to be? Ok, stop. This train of thought does nothing but drive me down a dark road. A road I don't need to go down anymore.

Think happy thoughts; psh- easier said than done. That reminds me, I'm owed my call to Spike. I hope he's ok, he's still a kid; at least to me. I still remember... I still remember his tiny arms when he was a kid, they could barely fit around me, now he could probably loop me. I haven't seen his smile in so long... he's got the most adorable dimples, and those green eyes, like a light Jade. I swear he could have been a ladies man by now, but he's always been focused on his own thing, that's good though. I don't know how I'd feel about someone being involved with him like that... a strange thought I suppose but that kids my everything, I know everything about him. What he hates, loves, I remember the first time he died his hair green- he thought it was the coolest thing. His laugh, his tears... his smell.

*sigh*... I don't know why my brain would retain some of that stuff, especially that last part. I'm... I-I'm not- I never have been his mother.

Disregarding my current train of thought as pointless I decided to see what the progress was with the other two.

"How's it going Doctors Fine, and Howard?"

"Just finished." Cowgirl Curtis. "Y'all can turn around now Twi."

I turned around to see Pinkamena with a discarded shirt still, bra back on, but bandages covering most of her upper area; wrapped around her stomach, various spots in her arm, a couple bandaged parts with the slightest dim of blood seeped through. She didn't look any better, but hopefully soon she'd at least feel better, and those wounds will heal. She didn't even show any signs of discomfort... was she hiding the pain, even in sleep?

"Phew... well Ms. Applejack and I did our best Twilight, just needs a few days for the disinfect to take its course and the bandages will be able to come off."

"Good thing we had a doctor in the house, huh Rarity?" The person in question smacked the hick in statement (?) playfully on the arm.

"Please. It was as basic of first aid as one could muster. I simply remembered bandaging my little sister when she was much younger." Applejack crossed her arms and leaned back against the nearest wall.

"Huh. So you're sister was a bit of a scrapper too?"

Rarity decided to hop up in the counter, right leg over left, and took to petting Pinkamena's hair. I swear she could be a mom, that woman.

"Goodness no. My little Sweetie Belle was a good girl. Usually." She giggled, most likely remembering good times past. "She always looked up to me, I suppose. I don't believe she was interested in a career in fashion like myself, but she liked having similar tastes. She was adventurous, not afraid to run, and climb, I say you've never seen a little girl in light colored dresses be so proud of scraped knees." She laughed again. "I truly hope she never loses that sense of wonder." If I wasn't in a weird place I would have let my heart warm up a little bit.

"I hear ya Rarity, Applebloom was much the same. Wan't no fan of dresses though, aw hell no! Jus' like me, jeans and plaid design flannels. She worked hard, that kid, but was still so much a kid you know? Tough little thing to. Goddamn I swear, she won pretty much every fight she was ever in." Rarity's free hand shot to her heart hearing that last part.

"Goodness! She fought with the other girls?" Applejack let out a loud singular 'ha'.

"Shoot no! That was preschool level for her. I'm saying making boys cry."

"Oh dear... how... empowering?"

"Aw hell ya don't have to tell me how bad it was. I couldn't deny being proud of how strong she was though; not just physically, but her mind, her heart. Even my stoic-ass brother gave her a smile and pat on the shoulder once the teachers couldn't see."

Rarity removed the hand from her heart and opted to twirl her poofy purple hair around her little finger. Maybe strong country girls telling her stories of their tough little sisters turn her on?

"My family would never have approved. I'm certain Mother and Father would just die! Hm... Was it tough growing up out there?" Applejack shrugged.

"Ma and Pa not being around hurt. Macintosh and I loved her we couldn't be parents. Our Grandma lived with us, but she could only do so much. Losing her son sapped a lot of life out of her as y'all can understand. Macintosh, bless that big Bastard, was so focus on keeping the roof over our head he couldn't always have the time to help Bloom out. We ain't no Einstein's either, so she was practically on her own when it came to her schoolwork. Poor thing... she hated it when Mac and I fought. Which was often but.... well point is she's the best of either of us; she'd try to say otherwise but I wouldn't have it. Had Mama's brains and Daddy's heart."

Mood took a somber tone from that, I know she didn't mean it to but, man what a downer... I shouldn't be so rude though, I was literally just missing Spike in a similar manner.

"Applejack... I think about my sister everyday too. I miss her and home terribly. I just try and remember the times that made me smile. Its all I can do, knowing I'll... never see her again."

"I keep trying to hold onto hope but... every damn day I feel its more and more impossible. Why are we even here? There are days of business where we ain't even used- are those tiny extra profits that important to her?"

"I have no doubt in my mind, yes, darling. I'm thoroughly convinced she's all of the Seven Deadly Sins given human form..."

They were silent again. I felt strange. Like I actually felt the need to converse with them... share the pain? Or do I want to attempt to build some form of a relationship with them? It goes against everything I told Pinkamena but... screw it. If I'm going to be here forever I might as well not be completely miserable.

"I uh... I have a little brother; adopted. We found him when he was a kid, no parents, no home. We took him with us and... I loved him like he was my own. We saw each other as siblings but I always wished he saw me like... doesnt matter now I guess, I'm stuck here....... He's... all alone. My sister in law was in mourning when we arrived here, parents are gone, he has no family we could find and then... *sigh* all this happens. I may be Gilda's prisoner, but he's the real victim out of the two if us. Once a month Glida allows me to make monitored calls to him. Its only just better than nothing... I can't imagine how much he's grown without me..." They let me talk with no interruptions. I appreciated that more than I could say. "He's real smart, you know? He was always a little on the lazy side sometimes, but his mind has a real, unique edge to it, I don't know how to describe it. He would... probably... like you two..." Rarity looked close to tears.

"Twilight, dear, that must be so hard to have on your conscience, I am so sorry. Gilda has cost all of us time with our siblings, but to have lost your parents and brother? I... can't imagine." Why is she crying?... Why for me? I don't deserve that...

"Why are you crying?" Rarity answered as she wiped some tears that had fallen on Pinkamena's forehead.

"Because you and Applejack won't." That simple sentence, this melancholic gesture of kindness, it broke me. I turned around and leaned forearm first against the wall.

Don't show them anymore weakness then you already have dammit.. don't let them see you like this, save yourself at least a decimal of dignity.

It all hit so hard at once. So many feelings all of then negative, I could only describe it as reality. Reality throwing me down to the ground and kicking... I couldn't take it, I was never as strong as I think I am.

Eyes stinging, audible cries wanting to burst out of my throat... just swallow it down. Bury it deeper. Its the only way you'll stay sane- huh? I tried covering my mouth to prevent any sound from slipping through, but as I did, I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. Applejack... I turned to face her

"Twilight look, uh... I know we ain't exactly got stable ground to stand on since our first meeting, but, well... We're in this Hell hole together. And I gotcha, alright? Me and Rarity both, no more and no less than each other, and definitely no more or less than Pinkamena. For what little its worth: you can trust me, 'n Rarity. Alright?"

I felt weak, and insecure about doing it, but I couldn't handle holding this all in any longer. I slammed into Applejack, and cried into her chest, with the minimal decency I could muster. I tried not to let out any sounds lest I drop dead of embarrasment, but I couldn't stop myself when she hugged me. Letting me feel some small fraction of comfort since I've been here. My blubberings only increased in volume when I felt Rarity embrace us.

I don't remember how long we stayed like that, venting to each other, I just remember if only for a moment, feeling lighter. Every ounce of fear Gilda pumped into me, every disgusting human that's used me, every ounce of that drug I've been forced to use, the loss of all my family. The realization I am completely alone; I poured out to them. This nightmare wasn't over, and it might not ever be. I may never see Spike again; no turning back. At least... at least I have them now.

Pinkamena...

I had almost forgotten about her. I was pretty rude to her for a bit earlier. I should make up for that. I lingered in Rarity and Applejack's arms for several moments before I broke the connection.

"I... haven't been good to you two. I'm sorry." Cowgirl shook her head definitely, gently smacking my arm.

"Don't worry bout it none, we sure as shoot don't hate ya for it. We just gotta stick together. As best as we can in here."

"Applejack is right. We may not be able to get out if here, and Lord knows this is a truly dreadful place to be, but at the very least, we can support one another. As good as we can."

"I... I'm still not social- er, good at being social... I'm awkward around others, and I still might not be the easiest person to talk too. In fact I'll probably still be closed off... so I mean, you know... I... don't really serve you too much of a purpose..."

"Aw hell that ain't what it's about Twilight. Just stop having such a stick up yer ass and we'll be alright!"

Did... did she just seriously-!?

"Did you just interject humor into this!? That was completely inappropriate!" She shrugged at my aghast expressions.

"Eh. Seemed fittin' ta me."

"You can't just hold someone as they cry the repressions of their soul out, and make a joke!"

"Not sure if, 'repressions' is a word, but its called bein' human. Life's full of mood whiplash."

"But it completely juxtaposes the atmosphere!"

"Twilight we're a nerd from Los Angels, a beautician from Michigan-"

"Fashion designer!"

"And I'm a homeless ranch hand, and apparently our newest neighbor is a NATURALLY PINK haired kid with anxiety issues or somethin'."

You know when she puts it like that... Man I must come off really square sometimes...

"... For the record, hick, that was only kind of funny."

We all shared a laugh at my admission. Our first laugh as friends... yeah... friends.

"You and Rarity can go. I'll stick by Pinkamena."

"Are you certain Twilight?" Rarity questioned.

"Yeah. I owe her a solid. Plus I'm concerned... she seemed to avoid wanting to sleep. I theorize night terrors, and since I'm a familiar face; she'll respond, hopefully, more rational to seeing me."

The two shared a look, and conceded to my plan.

"Alrighty Twilight, holler fer us when she wakes up."

"Right." I nod.

They vacate the back area, and I'm alone with my thoughts again. I didn't mind it so much this time, sure I was alone with an unconscious girl in the same room, but its nice to know allies are in just the next room.

'Girl'... That word reminds me of the other inquiry I had.

How old is she... Gilda's nuts, but I don't think she's crazy or stupid enough to intentionally kidnap a minor. That being said, I also don't think she isn't nuts enough to not make a mistake. Even if she's seventeen, eighteen tomorrow; that's still a minor. I've been told before that 'age is just a number'. Negating my opinion on that issue, I highly doubt even the most bleeding heart could condone that in the context of this place. If she's under eighteen we could have a shot to get out of here. I'm not so desperate to get out of here that I'm hoping for that, but- wait... No... That might be even worse. If Gilda did make that mistake, and find out the person she roughed up, and forced into this place was a minor she would flip. I don't doubt that, what I'm unsure of is what she would do. I can think of several things but they all end up with Pinkamena being killed. Shit... So if she is underage does she- SHOULD she keep quiet? Should I encourage her keeping quiet- WOULD I?... I could never live with myself if She died talking and I encouraged her to, but how would I feel telling her to stay quiet? How do I justify that? Hell never mind me, how does she live with that? How would she feel? Nothing good. Can guess that. Oh God I just remembered; I potentially felt up a minor- almost got turned on BY A MINOR...

"This is so fucked up..." I had to vocalize what I was thinking, but saying it instead of thinking it just made it worst I think. How is it that the prospect of a potentially underage, and insane, unconscious woman lying several feet from me is somehow unsurprising to me.

This is weird to think, but I almost feel like I'm underreacting. I'm creeped out and worried, and sure my stomach feels like relieving itself slightly, but, shouldn't I be freaking out more? Shouldn't I be hysterical? Shouldn't this situation mean something to me? Has 'living' here at this place for as long as I have numbed me to these outlandish happenings? Or have I always been like this?... I always knew I was socially awkward but, I never contested the idea it could be something akin to sociopathy. Is that what this is? Great... look at yourself Twilight, one exceptionally bad day begets one shit life, and now I'm all existential and shit. I'm a science person not a philosopher! Although isn't that why I never pursued a career in that field in the first place? Learning how everything works is amazing, but a lot of the colleagues I met were a bunch of monotone, nihilistic robots. I had too much to care about to allow myself to be that detached from my feelings. Maybe that's why... everyone's gone now... Mom, Dad, Shining, I'll never see Spike again... I should really just off myself one day and get it over with, Gilda can replace me, Spike will... shit, no- I can't- he can't go years without seeing me, then all of a sudden hears I'm dead! Oh God... I'm selfish... I'm selfish, and trapped, losing my mind- my skin feel like its crawling.

The fear and anger of my thoughts sent wave after wave of painful convulsion throughout my body. I gripped the sides of my arms to find they that had turned cold.

My eyes hurt...

All of a sudden it hurt to turn my eyes in any direction; they felt weighed down, and scratchy. I keep them looking forward and I feel better, but if I move them even a centimeter over I become aware again, and my heart starts racing. I try to regain control of my thoughts, but I lose myself, and end up stumbling backwards until my back hits the wall, and I involuntarily slide own until I'm on the floor,the volume and un-rythmatic nature of my breathing doubling. A hand clutches at my heart as the thoughts spiral more and more out of control- thee weren't suppose to happen anymore; these moments and situations- I'm calm, level headed- not this... not this mess.

Look at you, you stupid idiot, been like two years, and NOW you're scared? The sex and high's were too good huh?

I've been here before- you're simply a manifested negative train of thought- you're not real, I'm ok-

Don't be stupid- of course I'm not real, you're subconscious is so incredibly fucked that the normal doubts and insecurities people have just have a louder voice today. Isn't that sad, idiot?

I'm not depressed- I'm not insane!

Never even implied that, stupid. You did that all by yourself, Why wouldn't you? You never had a real understanding of people, or even a real drive to learn about the bonds that tie people together. Of course you wouldn't know how to talk to Pinkamena, or help her. You imagined that the worst scenarios of life could never happen to your dreary existence. Maybe you are crazy.

No I'm not! If it wasn't for Gilda... If Mom and Dad didn't die... this isn't my fault, I-I didn't do anything wrong... the moments of weakness, I haven't had them in so long, I thought they might have been gone, but-

Stupid girl. You never had these moments until that brat came into your life- bullies and isolation- you could deal with every depressing reality imaginable- being alone, death, gripping paranoia of never achieving your goals, but once he rejected you, that turned it all downhill.

Is my mind so twisted that I would try to put blame on Spike?

Are you so selfish that you would try to do the same to your dead parents?

I close my eyes as a memory engulfs my senses.

********************************************************

It was only a few months removed from my parents funeral. Spike had just come home from school. I had understandably been in a place of pure darkness mentally, but I was stable enough to remember Spike's meals, and times to wake him up. I had attempted conversation at dinner, but he was distant and cold; not unusual for him, sadly, but in my state, I was unable to deal with him not being open with me. My attempts to reach him failed, and in a moment of weakness, I became angry.

We yelled and screamed at each other. I can't remember what we said to each other; not fully. I don't think my heart would allow it; the memory speeds by at a snails pace- neither static or still. All I remember was I slapped him, I remember the shock on his face, and the terror in my, as my tear filled eyes widened so hard they hurt. I was disgusted, and ashamed with myself. I reached a hand out to try and apologize, but he smacked it away. I'll never forget what he said next.

"I don't know what you tell yourself... but you are not and have never been my Mom."

My world broke. I fell to my knees as he left the room, attempting to call out to him, but my hysterics wouldn't allow. I cried all through the night, and into the morning, because I had failed him. And I couldn't, no matter how much I wanted to, make it right.

******************************************************

I came to in cold sweat; with a lukewarm dampness upon my forehead. I was... laying down? Yeah, I'm on the ground, I think. No wait...

I look around to see that my body is on the floor, but my head is in a lap. I turn my groggy vision upward to see two warm blue eyes looking at me. It was Pinkamena's lap.

She's... awake?

"Hi." She said it so warm and smooth I almost fell asleep right there. Or would it be back to sleep? Did I sleep? "Sorry if this feels inappropriate, it's just that... I've... I've uh... been where- I've been where you are too." I'm fighting to stay awake, but, my body is too worn out to even move.

"Yeah?..."

"When I woke up, I saw you on the ground and instantly I knew. I recognized all the signs. The erratic breathing, the tears, your temperature..."

"This has... you've been through this too?" She smiles sadly at me.

"Even the fetal position." I think she sensed that I was going to pass out; she began stroking my head. "They told me you stayed despite being uncomfortable... thank you for that, Twilight. You can rest, if you want. They're out in the dining room."

"Hm... how long was I out for?" She shrugs at me. "Oh... Pinkamena?... Does... does this stuff, these moments, and feelings, do they... ever go away?..."

My eyes shut when she answers yes. The hesitation in her voice tells me she's lying.