I Am Not Spartacus - Equestrians, Not Like That
by Dan's Comments
Based in the 'Your Human and You' universe by MadMaxtheBlack
This story is NOT canon with Your Human and You

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

I feel confused. It isn't the empty bed and tangled sheets I've woken to for I don't know how long. Fur pressed up against my back and chest, feathers draped over me.

"Go ahead and sleep, Nightmare Night is over," Armor tells me, before snuggling in behind me, "And you're better than a blanket."

Not the old greeting I've heard over and over. 'Nightmare Night is over.' I can't help it, I start crying. Half-asleep Pink licks at my tears, hugs and nuzzles me like a fretting foal. She squeaks as I hug her back. Armor hugs both of us.

"See, Nightmare's all gone," he tells us.

He doesn't know the half of it.
------------------------------

The requested team has been assembled in Celestia's day room. The Great White, Little Blue, Pink, Armor, Fancypants, Fleur, the Mighty Poof, Philomena and Muttonchops. I start as I always had. Not just the past, but the pluperfect, I pray to every god listening and God. "I call to order the one-hundred eighty-seventh meeting of 'Let's discuss the Time Loop that keeps Percy and Tirek trapped and at each others' throats' I'll dispense with the old business."

Both the Great White and I look for who is stunned or not by my speaking, especially who they didn't expect to be. Fancypants and Fleur are shocked, as expected. Pink and Armor are shocked that Muttonchops isn't. But the Great White is among the stunned that the Mighty Poof isn't shocked.

I turn to the Great White: "Yes, I'm sure it was him. I broke his will and sent him back home to reconcile with his brother."

To Little Blue: "No, it's definitely Discord and I have not sought his help. I managed to get out without resorting to that extreme."

To Pink, "I am hanging on. I've read all the Royal Archives, here and in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. I just relieved it's all over."

To Armor, "Because it takes her most of the 15 hours I have before the midnight reset to convince her I can actually talk, and the rest of the time is not sufficient to convince her of the existence of the time loop. After 50 wasted attempts, I quit involving her. On several occasions at your behest, I tried to convince the entire group. Those were worse than useless."

To Fancypants, "Because you have shown an ability to quickly accept and offer advice, and after all the useful advice, you deserve to know."

To Fleur, "Ditto, and you get a follow up, only with Celestia, I didn't even want to consider cheating on her as the way to break out of the loop."

While the others snicker and the Great White makes embarrassed though grateful noises, I turn to the Mighty Poof, "Because the first loop I remember, you sent the palace gardeners and your guards to take down Tirek. Non-magic humans against a manavore, then and in many of the other meeting, you showed good thinking and you deserve to know what happened."

The Great White seems stunned by that revelation, but I continue.

To Philomena, "Of course I can understand you, I spent four months mastering your language. As well as mastering a dozen-and-a-half other ancient languages and sub-tongues."

To Muttonchops, "I know that you know, now you know that I know you know. And I'm going to stop it there, because we once went on for 45 minutes and their Highnesses took me at my word about the time loop, and gleefully put both of us in the hospital."

Muttonchops snorts at that and stares at the very souls of innocence, our three alicorn princesses. He snorts again.

Back to the Great White, "Tirek seemed aware he was in a loop at the stroke of midnight and the loop reset with the last chime of the clocks, and I became aware after I heard him say 'Not again', the next morning I was aware too, but I'm aware from the instant I awaken. This morning was different."

To Little Blue, "By making him see all his excuses as hollow as they were, and making him want to reconcile with his brother. Then it was open the portal and step out of the way."

To Pink, "Occasionally one of you would decide that you believed me on the spot and decided to take advantage of the day being erased. Celestia took me flying, to the Wonderbolt's incredible jealousy. Luna has done all day poetry readings. The custard war would have taken weeks to clean up otherwise. So yes, I've taken time off to have fun. I only counted the meetings that stayed meetings."

To Armor, "Absolutely not, I would regularly wander off and throw myself off the edge of the city. I think I'd do that even if I wasn't in a timeloop."

Armor grumbles at that, which makes Pink laugh her flank off. Several others familiar with his fanatical devotion to hoofball smile at his complaining.

To Fancypants, "On your suggestion, yes I did. I think Discord was furious by the chaos a simple marriage proposal caused. Although sticking that box on his nose will pay greater dividends in the long-run."

The Great White starts laughing at that point.

To Fleur, "A gentleman never discusses those things."

To the Mighty Poof, "Carrot sticks and peanut butter."

I ignore the outraged cry from the Great White and the snickering from the others. "The questions aren't related the way you think."

To Philomena, "Yes we have, and if we give out too many more details, they'll put us in irons. The box will punish Discord in a way that the others will allow."

Philomena chirps her agreement.

"That's what that thing on Discord's nose is!" Cadence says, "I saw half the Wonderbolts pressing that button and talking about it."

I nod.

To Muttonchops, "Initially, I tracked him back to a perfect ambush point and dropped a concrete vase on his head then dumped the body in a large trash can. Or I knocked him out with a potion and did other things, like return him to Tartarus. Finally, I learned enough about his psychology I was able to tear his worldview to pieces with just a few well-chosen sentences, and convinced him to return home. Since unless I changed someone's behavior, they'd follow the exact same patterns. I swung into the throne room on a chandelier and announced I was the Dread, Deadly, Dancer the Pink Flamenco, and had captured their princess. I kissed Celestia, and the entire court went nuts the exact same way every time."

To the Great White, "A week. And you just sat there stunned every time. There was also the python and cobra, occasionally." The Great White becomes the Great Crimson as she stares at me.

I look immediately to Pink. "I won't answer and in multiple meetings, neither will her Highness." I sighed. "Okay, that's old business. I should have you all thinking, any new questions, comments, clarifications?"

"The box with the button you stuck on Discord?" Armor says.

"It tells him not to push the button, since that's all he can do, it should drive him completely crazy."

"Did you ever let Tirek win? Let him absorb all the ponies' magic?" Pink asks.

"Once. It seems there is a fail - not failsafe, more like a fail-deadly. A green and purple alicorn who seemed to thing Tirek a 'Puny god.' She did things to Tirek even I never replicated," I say, "Although I did use her to terrify him from time to time."

Pink looks around nervously as everyone is looking at her. "What?" she asks, trying to look and sound as innocent as she can. She pouts at all of us. Only for Fleur, Little Blue, the Great White and Muttonchops to pout back.

When everyone stares at the old sergeant, he shrugs, "How else does a sergeant affect a general?"

"Too bad all your learning is only stored in your head, the accumulation of all that would be fascinating," Little Blue says.

I set a black crystal on the table. "I did think of that, and stored all the studies." I slide it to Little Blue. "The accumulated knowledge of the one person who can say 'I've read more books on magic than Armor's sister.'"

"I almost doubt that," Armor says.

"I quit counting around 50,000 days. That's one and a third centuries, and I stopped counting a long time ago. Say it was 200,000 days, that's over 500 years. Most of that was studying," I tell him, "I think I've got most people in this room beat, maybe everyone."

"But you can't cast any magic as a human," the Mighty Poof says, "Except potions and rune magic."

"You say that as if it were a handicap," Little Blue says, "Tis not, to a strong enough practitioner of the art."

I find that statement interesting. "So, any questions or comments?"

"Just one," the Mighty Poof says, "You need bodyguards. For one, the knowledge of a dozen pony lifetimes now resides in your head. Two, you are vastly more valuable to the future Empress as a person who can listen in on the most sensitive conversations, and yet be given not even second look. No cloak of invisibility of legend would serve as well. Third, there is talk about 'teaching the arrogant pup a lesson'. Some is directed at you, some at Cadence. The congruence of these puts you both at risk. Cadence for you being held for ransom, you for answering for the kidnappers' rather messy exit from this world."

While Pink, Fleur and The Great White are shocked, Little Blue, Muttonchops, Armor and Philomena all chuckle.

"We have your human, and we'll pay you a hundred million bits to come pick him up," Fancypants says and chuckles, "But only if you hurry."
------------------------------

It was sometime after the meeting when I was alone with The Great White and Little Blue in the day room. "I read your papers and journals. I think I know why you left all that behind when you moved up here. It wasn't the structure of the building that was shaky. It was the structure of the government," I tell the Great White and Little Blue.

"You read all that?" Little Blue exclaims and glances around nervously.

I scratch her behind the ears, nearly reducing her to a puddle of goo. "I got your permission," I reply, "Not every day, but periodically."

This mollifies Little Blue, but the Great White is still on tenterhooks.

"It tells a story, not of rulers, but of traveling wizards. People dispensing advice, cures, blessings on babies and marriages, and rarely if ever getting deeply involved. Discord did much the same further north around Canterlot, the humans already named him a trickster, but propitiated him with games and tricks and clever riddles." I look at the Great White. "They did the same with you."

The Great White became the Great Salmon as she scuffed her hoof in a figure eight on the floor.

"You and Luna looked over the cows, and sheep," I say.

"Please stop," the Great White says and squeezes her eyes against the tears.

"And horses," I say, and the Great White turns away. I stroke her neck and let her cry.

"When they arrived, you saw them as friends, as all the Equestrians had been friends. It isn't your fault you didn't see them as a conquering Imperial power," I tell her, "Neither you, nor Luna, nor even Discord were prepared for the storm that was breaking on your shores."

"But they weren't friends," The Great White admits, "The windingos drew our attention. Then they decided . . . to 'put us in our place.'"

"I read the accounts, especially yours and Luna's" I tell her, "They slaughtered the horses, as an affront to 'pony'ness. Only the colony in Saddle Arabia survived. And they struck at the humans, transforming them into what they are now. Then you hit back."

"Yes." The Great White looks at me with worry.

I step in to run my fingers through her mane and hug her with my arms. "You were facing an implacable, arrogant enemy, and you hadn't had to fight anything before. Everyone knew and respected you, even Discord would listen to you." I felt her nod against me, then rub her head on my back as her wings wrapped around me. "You destroyed the unicorn council while Luna ripped control of the sun and the moon from them. That's why there's no ceremonial magic any more, forty unicorns together neatly did the job you did."

"Yes, while we were fighting the unicorns, Discord went mad, humans were his favorites, he's never forgiven the ponies for what they did and he couldn't undo," Celestia says, she sounds almost wistful. "The machines they had quit working, or worked wrong, or chased them around. Legions of pegasi woke with bat wings, or butterfly wings. Or trapped in cloud homes without any wings at all. Many simply committed suicide, because a - "

"Because a pegasus without wings is just a mud dauber," I say, "I read the accounts. The fact he used their own hatreds and prejudices against them does explain how he could claim he 'never killed anypony', all he had to do was weaken one political faction, and the others would kill them themselves. Then you put a stop to him."

"After he'd thoroughly traumatized them," the Great White says.

"And they'd thoroughly traumatized you and your sister. It's why you didn't realize she'd gone insane."

"Nightmare Moon was not Luna," she says sharply.

I gesture for Luna to keep quiet for a moment. "I'm talking about her getting jealous about the affections of a pack of bloodthirsty maniacs who slaughtered a quarter of your people, and enslaved the rest. She went mad and so did you, by being forced to go from wandering wise women, to rulers of the ponies who'd inflicted so much harm on your people. Humans aren't the only ones the ponies still hold in chains, sheep and cows are enslaved still. Although they avoided the fate of the humans and horses, but all they did and built has been lost, save the Castle of the Pony Sisters. She wanted to strike back as hard as she could, you held yourself back from simply mopping the floor with them, and since she couldn't rationalize her hating you for saving them, she had to conjure a reason to hate you. Even if it made no sense, better if it made no sense."

"Is there a way . . . ?" the Great White asks.

"Not without undoing the spell that defeated the Windingos and kept the peace among the tribes," I say, "They had to put their contempt for each other someplace. If the Crystal Empire wasn't part of their spell, which Sombra's behavior tends to indicate it wasn't -"

The Great White glances, presumably in Pink's direction though she's not in the room. "So her rise to the throne?"

"Maybe Humanity's only chance to regain their humanity," I tell her, "I think you can guess whose side I'm on."
------------------------------

It was unusual to have all three alicorns together in the day time, but they wanted to personally approve Muttonchops' selection of my guards. I think they also wanted to watch other ponies completely freak out at the idea of a talking human.

"Uh, you always can understand pony talk? Hear good and makes words?" Left Front asks.

"Did someone give her a concussion? She's sounding like she's had recent brain damage," I reply. Which has all the alicorns snickering, and Left Front going through a full spectrum of colored emotions.

"I'd take that as a yes," Right Rear says, "That also explained how he just 'happened' to buy replacement peanut butter of exactly the right kind."

"Peanut butter?" the Great White asks as she raises her head off my chest.

I have no idea why Pink and the Great White are such cuddle-bugs right now. But maybe now that they don't have anything to hide, and that I am a sapient who approves, it makes them willing to express their affection.

"She violated the suggestion that peanut butter is to be taken internally," I supply. "Although broadly speaking it did wind up internal."

All of the guards are aghast, either from their stoic commander's actions, or from participating in the actions.

"I don't want to know," Pink says.

"Now you understand why we want to keep it a secret," the Great White says, "Ponies loosen their tongues around humans. And a human who can listen is a great advantage as a spy."

The guards all nod.

Left Rear gets a weird expression. "So, we finally get to ask a human. Which of us is prettiest?"

I suddenly understand how Zeus felt when Eris rolled in her golden apple. But I'm smarter than that serial rapist. If someone did that to me at a wedding, I'd turn to Hera, the goddess of marriages, and declare the bride is always the most beautiful woman alive on her wedding day, and Hera and I would give the apple to the goddess whose wedding it was. It gets me out of the immediate jam, and uses my wife's own statements against her.

In this case, this is the pony equivalent of 'does this dress make me look fat?' Always go on the offensive.

"Well most people misuse the word 'pretty'. Some mean cute, some mean beautiful and some mean pretty, so since you'll want the answers to all three anyway, I'll give them to you. First of all, Princesses Cadence, Luna and Celestia take the crowns of all three. Sorry ladies, to be honest, no other pony can compete with them in any of the three categories." This mollifies the guards, and Parasol, but not the princesses, who are observing closely. "Princess Luna is the cutest. Cute is the reaction you have to baby animals and our own offspring. There needs to be an endearing awkwardness that makes you want to hug them until they feel better."

"I am not 'endearingly awkward'," Little Blue insists, but her nervous glance to the Great White just makes everyone in the room want to agree, and then hug her.

The Great White does exactly that. "He didn't say you weren't pretty, or beautiful, he just said you were the cutest."

"So who is the prettiest?" Pink asks.

"You are," I reply, "But pretty has a certain fragility, like a porcelain doll you put into a glass case for fear of damaging it when you dust. Not to say you don't have the inner loveliness and strength that makes someone truly beautiful, but people, ponies especially seem to want to keep you clean, unruffled and pretty. Spattered in mud, chasing a greased pig or a half-bathed foal isn't what most ponies think of when Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is mentioned. When you rescued the Crimson Death, they weren't really frightened that you'd be harmed by the monster, but that your prettiness would be tarnished. It's also why you're 'Pink.' Cuteness is why Princess Luna is 'Little Blue', and her Majesty is 'the Great White'."

Pink nods thoughtfully.

"After the pony-eating shark?" Little Blue asks and giggles.

"Exactly," I reply, my seriousness silencing Little Blue, "Beauty is not a thing for the eyes, but a thing for the spirit. A rattlesnake can be beautiful, a summer storm can be beautiful, as can an aunt and older sister can be beautiful. But beauty carries a sense of awe with it, and a tinge of fear. Beauty is a force, unlike prettiness or cuteness which are attributes. Don't pout Luna, you are very beautiful. Equestia Games Silver Medal caliber, but your sister takes the gold. But that same beauty puts her a distant third in the cuteness you and Cadence excel at."

"I'm not cute?" the Great White asks as she gives the most adorable pout.

"Your Highness," I tell Pink, "No ice cream until you've shown her how it's done."

"No ice cream?" Pink pouts at the Great White.

The Great White kicks her game into high gear. The face that made a thousand ships slink home in self-loathing and think about their lives. Pink firewalls the throttle and lets out a little sniffle. Proving that the Elements were the gentler option when dealing with Discord.

Little Blue steps between them and glances with big, watery eyes at each of them. "Can't we all be friends?"

Right Front breaks down in sobs. "I'm such a bad pony!"

Then I let them have it. In an instant all three alicorn princesses are reduced to slack-jawed statues, eyes wide and staring. The guards are utterly paralyzed. I let out a sniffle and a tear runs down my cheek.

The 'Three Princesses War' is reduced to a schoolyard squabble when the heavyweight champion of the world steps into the ring.

Pink breaks first. "WAH! I'm so sorry Percy for putting you through that!" she insists as she nearly hugs me in two. The follow-up nuzzles from the Great White and Little Blue, and the requests for forgiveness would be comical.

Except poor Armor shows up at that point, and as the only pony not currently in tears, he's suddenly facing his sovereign demanding, "I am a good pony, aren't I? Please tell me I'm a good pony!"

Armor shows the conscientious officer he is. "Sergeant!"

Muttonchops gives Armor a glare that is practically Assault with Intent, then gently takes a tearful princess aside to reassure her of her inherent goodness. Armor gives me a glare set on 'disintegrate'. I look properly ashamed and he nearly joins Pink and Little Blue in the group hug.

Muttonchops has calmed down the Great White and the others are coming around as well.

"You keep that up and we're going to bottle you and fire you at our next enemy," Muttonchops says low. Not a threat, just a statement of intent. "And don't try on me, I've got grandkids. The guards, talk to them."

It never worked on Tirek. You need empathy and a conscience. But I have the power to be master of all ponies! Bwah ha ha! But who'd want to be?

The pony that enters looks like one of Luna's thestrals, nearly solid black, except he's a unicorn, and almost as small as Dust Bunny. He's looking around nervously as a voice announces. "Princess tears, now on sale aisle seven."

It breaks the spell. Muttonchops and Armor roll their eyes. They'd expected this behavior, and it gives me a chance to have a little fun.

"So, you're a ventriloquist, and a mimic," I say as I walk up to the pony and look him in the eyes, "Just not as good as me."

His jaw drops as his eyes dart from pony to pony. The Great White is staring at the ceiling. Little Blue is looking haughty and regal. Pink is laughing into her wing. Armor is drinking a glass of water. And Muttonchops is simply smiling at the newcomer.

"One of your new guards," Muttonchops says.

If the uni-thestral's jaw was going to drop farther, it would fall off. He points at me, his eyes roll up in his head and he collapses.

"I had the same reaction," the Great White says, "But we weren't just talking." The others nervously giggle.

Who walks in next nearly has me following Parrot Boy's behavior. She's huge for one, I mean bigger than Celestia. And she's a horse. A deep chestnut with a white blaze on her nose and white 'stocking' on her well-feathered feet. This kind of a horse should be hauling a Budweiser wagon. Yet she ducks through the door and manages not to step on anything or any one as she daintily picks her way through the room. Despite full plate armor, she makes no more noise that any of the unarmored ponies. "Your Highness." She bows her head.

"Sreh Alryah, this is Percy, he is a great friend of mine. I would be honored if you kept him safe," Celestia says.

She bows again.

"He can also talk and reason like a pony. Better than most in fact," Celestia adds.

Her big brown eyes regard me with shock.

"Now this is what I meant by cute. So earnest and hope filled you just want to hug her and tell her the world isn't all bad," I tell the assembled group. The Princesses and the Four Corners nod.

"You, you think I'm . . . cute?" she asks and looks at me shyly, her hoof scuffing at the carpet.

I think I may have competition in the adorableness category.

"I think you're a gentle, flower of a lady, Swift Wind, born in the body of a warrior who could make himself king by his own hoof," I tell her in Saddle Arabian. I think I managed decent poetry of the line.

Her ears shoot up and she backs a pace in shock, but still doesn't step on anyone or break anything. "You speak Saddle Arabian too?" she asks in Equestrian.

"Yes," I tell her.

She's near panic when Celestia speaks, also in Saddle Arabian. "There are humans who can, they are exceptionally rare, and not discussed. He responds best to gentleness and firm strength. So you were the perfect choice."

Swift Wind takes a few deep breaths, then bows to Celestia. "I will do my very best," she replies in Equestrian.

"I have never thought otherwise," Celestia says in Equestrian, then adds in an ancient dialect, in a form that would become the Royal Canterlot voice, but can be spoken in a whisper, "She is very submissive because of her upbringing, so you will always be the dominant one in your relationship. If you abuse her, you will answer to me." It's all said in a pleasant tone, with Celestia smiling.

"I will do my very best," I reply in Modern Equestrian. She grins and nods. "Besides you could just pinch off my," I add in the ancient dialect, "Access."

She goes from alarmed to embarrassed, then sticks her tongue out at me.

I hear Parrot Boy stirring. A glance at Muttonchops indicates that Parrot Boy has no such defenders among the guard. "Are you feeling all right?" I ask the pony as he struggles to his feet, "You were babbling about humans talking, then you passed out."

"Yeah, I -" he says, locks eyes with me and lets out a little giggle. Then he returns to the Land of Nod.

"I'm going to start calling him Yo-yo, not Parrot Boy."

Swift Wind is still looking around with a growing panic. I reach up and begin scratching her behind the ears. She drops her head so it rests against my chest, a faint snuffling as she gets my scent. I see the expression on the other ponies. Yes, they understand the difference between cute and pretty.
------------------------------

The other big change is with the Great White. She's suddenly become a lot less interested in the 'hurt me' roleplaying in our having sex. She's more accepting, even encouraging of me just being gentle with her. Whether this is due to Swift Wind's intense embarrassment at 'guarding' me during these times, or some other reason it's a very welcome change. I hope with Little Blue recovering and becoming more accepted, that the Great White is forgiving herself for the events of the ancient past. As a neutral observer who'd gone over the records from multiple sources, I can't see any way else it could have gone. None of them had a human's natural vicious streak to see the poor, initial refugees as the threat they were.

Ponies were the parasprites of their day. So cute, and so dangerous.

I am heading back to my room in Cadence's apartment after a particularly long session with the Great White when I see her.

I glance around and see no sign of Swift Wind, but half the time I don't see her. For somepony who could flatten any door or gate in the castle, I'm amazed by her ability to disappear into the wood work.

The small, saber-toothed, bug pony looks at me. "You aren't from around here, are you?"

I keep my shock from my face as I verify again we are apparently alone. "No, I'm not from Canterlot."

This makes the bug pony smile and switch to an obscure dialect of ancient Equestrian. "Not Canterlot, not Equestria, not this planet. There are humans who periodically drop in. Humans from another world, a very different world."

"Do tell," I reply in the same language.

"I'm a changeling. We feed on strong emotions. Love primarily, but hate and fear are also food, just unpleasant. The ponies are a thin gruel, unless you masquerade as someone they care about. The native humans are a much richer diet, but beings like you, humans from the other world, are like an ever-changing banquet for hundreds. The native humans used to be like that. We did for them what pegasi and earth ponies do for their agriculture, make it rain, enhance the soil, that kind of thing."

"Then the refugees came," I say, "From the other continent. You didn't fight them."

"We hadn't considered large-scale fighting in living memory, we had barely recorded fighting the last war, and most of us couldn't even conceive of having to fight one. There seemed to be resources for all. Then the ponies' hatred overwhelmed us. The occasional angry human was one thing, these creatures seemed to live to destroy each other. 'If I take one with me, then my death is acceptable.'"

"I've met people like that," I reply.

"As soon as they crushed us, they discovered each other, and fell on each other again," the bug pony says.

"Then Discord softened them up, and Celestia put them under her iron hoof. But none of this explains why you say outrageous things," I say. I mentally wince at sounding like a bad anime dub, but the old dialect doesn't have certain concepts.

The bug pony hadn't noticed. "We find the humans like you, as many as we can. You were captured before we could reach you, and all attempts to either steal you, or purchase you failed. For that I, for myself and the rest of my people, apologize."

"That is an interesting story, but it is hardly credible," I reply, "Anyone can say anything, and that you believe I fell from the sky doesn't mean I did."

The bug pony screws up its face. "Does the name Ambrose Bierce mean anything to you?"

Schooling my face completely against that shock is intensely difficult. The triumphal look from the bug pony tells me that even if my expression had been perfect, my inner turmoil would have given me away. Most modern Americans wouldn't know the name, but to hear it in Equestria is a shock beyond measure.

I had one card left, so I played it. "Whatever I might have been before encountering Discord. All I am now is an Equestria dragon under a spell that makes me seem human. I am merely one step away from reverting," I tell the bug. "And on reverting, seeing everyone around me as no more than delicious food."

Suddenly I'm facing a smaller version of myself, human, then dragon. "Then I am here at the right time, and in the right place." The bug pony reappears. "As for the rest, I can help with that too. I followed you on Nightmare Night day, and had hazy dreams of having followed you a dozen or more times. I felt the hunger gnaw at you. Do you think you are the only one who struggles with seeing people you care about only as food?"

"Yes, actually," I reply.

The bug pony rolls its eyes, I think, hard to tell with an eye that's either all iris or iris and sclarea the same color. "Touche."

Another human statement.

"In any case, you are not. It is difficult, but even for a creature who sees love and many positive emotions as little more than sustenance, we can still feel fondness for some, and can desire their triumph in love and life over others. While more pragmatic and detached than 'love', and difficult to master, the technique would give you hope."

"Thank you," I reply, "I have some time. If you do as well, can you follow me?"

The little redheaded human glanced around. "Is it safe?"

"I'll protect you," I assure her.

She nods and falls in behind me, clinging to my hand. I'm struck by the similarity to a real, little girl with her father. I wonder how much is practice and how much is genuine concern.

I hear no sign of Swift Wind as we descend into the depths of the prison. The first time she gives herself away is as she gallops across the bridge well after we'd passed over it and began climbing down the rocks to the lake. The girl freezes and waits, her distrust of ponies etched on her face.

I decide not to tell her that what is pursuing us is not a pony, but a horse. I do wonder if Swift Wind's Saddle Arabians have legends of the changelings, and if the changelings remember the horses.

The Lady of the Lake is waiting for us at the shoreline. "Tell her what you told me," I tell the horrified changeling, who is so frightened she completely loses her disguise.

She stammers through it, but it is coherent enough. Oddly enough, the Lady of the Lake seems equally tongue tied.

"Is she actually a changeling?" the huge creature says, sounding like a desert traveler too often fooled by mirages, that she doubts an actual pool of water. She draws close, dozens of eyed tentacles looking at the changeling from all directions.

The changeling looks around, looks at me, and when I nod, shifts through several forms, including my own.

"I thought you were all dead," the Lady of the Lake says happily, "What do you need?"

"We need your trust, and his," the changeling says.

"And we need to be ready to move your teams to the Crystal Empire when it reappears. The spell affecting the humans doesn't extend to that territory," I tell them, "A lot has happened in the last couple days. More for me than most, so I'll give you the run down."
------------------------------

The climb back to the bridge is tougher because the changeling keeps freezing up as she, he, it? tries to deal with the situation. Swift Wind looks down on us with a tranquil fury.

"I am supposed to be watching you," she says.

"You were, but from up there," I reply, "There's some delicate political maneuverings going on and you are better off not knowing. Besides, if things had gone badly, you would have heard me yelling." I glance around. "Where's your partner?"

"He's still asleep," she says.

"Damn, I thought that drop of water on the ear trick would work on both of you," I reply.

"You did that?" she asks.

"Oh course, I'm not going to go wandering without some back up, and I couldn't figure a quiet enough method to wake you both, other than that."

"I'm sorry, I thought you were evading me," she says.

"Just trying to keep you close enough to charge to the rescue," I reply.

"Thank you."

"We ought to include you in the training sessions. Give you a bit more confidence around their Highnesses. If you're going to be looking after me, you're going to be dealing with them a lot."

Suddenly I am dealing with two people exceeding their comfortable grasp on reality.
------------------------------

Morning brings a new addition to the breakfast table, aside from the Great White and Little Blue having breakfast with Pink and Armor, rather than in their 'aircraft carrier hanger' main dining room. All of them look expectantly at me as I look at the bottle. Within a moment, I have a swift answer. "No."

"But these pills will deal with your cravings for meat," Pink says.

"I don't have 'cravings' for meat. I simply require more protein that you to remain healthy. Eggs and cheese will provide most of what I need, and I'm not adverse to some of the more 'interesting' collations the chefs have come up with," I tell them. "Besides, the math is on my side."

"Math?" the Great White asks.

"Of the five big cities in Equestria: Canterlot, Vanhoover, Manehatten, Fillydelphia and Baltimare, only three have an active fighting ring at any given time. One or two has been busted by the Guard, or has moved to another city. Typically there are three bouts a week, although the first week or two that goes up to five, but it's usually three. The bouts are three hours, and each individual fight lasts five minutes, including set up and clean up."

Little Blue is following doing the math as I lay it out.

"In the smaller cities and towns there's four running at any given time. The bouts are once a week and run two hours, and the same five minutes per fight"

"Wait a moment, why would the fighting rings change cities if they are still drawing crowds," the Great White asks, her fascination with this morbid topic embarrasses her, but her curiosity over rides it.

"The way the fight game works is, you start with the small stable of fighters you arrive in town with, ten to twenty, and you buy say one hundred new humans. Thirty of them are for fighting, and the other seventy are for dying. That is you've got thirty with the brains and self-discipline to learn how to be pit fighters. After four to five weeks, you've run through most of the humans for dying, and maybe even used one or two or five of the ones for fighting. So you head for the next city, until you've done a circuit of three to five of the cities, and picked up a bunch of potentials in your stable. So you pack up, and go to the small towns. There you scope out the local talent, and you trade two or three, or five of your potentials for the impressive local talent and put them in with the stable you take back to the big city." I think for a moment. "Where was I? Oh yes, I left out human teams versus animals, the human versus minotaur, pony, griffon, and of course grand melees. About half the fights end in an actual death, the other half one or both are crippled. And the fighters tend to weigh 100 to 130 pounds a piece. That works out to about 10,000 pounds of corpses that must be disposed of every week."

"Were you put through that course? Humans for fighting/dying, then a local champion?" Pink asks.

"No. After a couple bouts, they put me in the stable of experienced fighters. They used me for 'Spectaculars!' where I'd face a fierce animal, or a sapient foe. Alone. Even fought a timberwolf once," I tell her.

"That's horrible," she replies.

"Better than dying, although my first fight when we moved into the small towns was against a couple of old champions who'd gone a little funny in the head. Meaning they were a danger to everyone around them. I cannot tell you what an unvarnished joy it is facing two fighters with 12 to 15 years experience, ten of it working together, both of them completely oblivious to any concept of decency or restraint, and bat-shit crazy to boot."

"I assume you defeated them?" the Great White says, then facehoofs, "No, of course, you died there, never mind."

"I used every dirty trick I could. Of course the crowd loved every second of it. Fortunately, the thin spears they gave me, they're for punching through armor of big bugs, or rhinoceroses, but they can also be thrown. That made it one against one, and seemed to ramp down the completely crazy. I still had to dispatch that first one because he didn't die easily, and he started throwing things, at me, at the crowd, and the lights."

Armor snorts. He looks around. "I'm sorry, it's funny, in a gallows humor sort of way."

"I managed to get the first, and eventually the second. And one of the spectators offered to buy me, for 10 experienced fighters, an unheard of price. My first owner wouldn't take it, more fool him. We got raided by the guard a week later."

"That's where I . . . " Armor says and his ears folded down, "Sorry."

I shrug. "You didn't know. My second owner had money, so he sent me to the Warmasters. One of them practically adopted me. Offered 1200 riyu, whatever they are, my owner was shocked, but didn't accept the offer."

"Twelve hundred riyu is training with the Warmasters," Armor says, "And you're right, it's a king's ransom."

"Any way, that trail of bodies has always been one of the weaknesses of the rings, that's a lot of weight to get rid of, and in Canterlot you can't rent a boat and dump the bodies in the ocean. So how do you get rid of five tons of meat and bone a week." I grab the bottle and rattle it. Then I smile at the horrified ponies.

"You actually believe this?" the Great White, or rather the Great Celadon asks.

"Can you prove I'm wrong? They've got to be getting their feedstock from somewhere. And it would be a great way to guarantee they had the right mix of proteins and minerals."

'Tan' proves it is possible for a pony to run on just her rear legs, since her forelegs are covering her mouth. She leaves us rather quickly. Swift Wind has proven her name, and has her head in the kitchen sink.

The Great Celadon looks longingly in the direction Tan had so rapidly departed.

"The tub," I suggest, and we are down another alicorn.

"I wish I thought this was a sick jest you had concocted," Little Teal says.

"It isn't that hard to do the analysis," I reply, "So, meat pills are off the table." I hand them back to Armor, who shows a distinct lack of enthusiasm in handling a glass bottle of the very things he wanted me to eat.

"I have a personal question," Little Teal said, fading back to blue, "How dark is the universe you live in?"

"Well, on days when the sun is shining, and there's not a cloud in the sky, and I can feel the love of all my friends surrounding me. It's a very pleasant, Stygian black. And believe you me, that is a tremendous improvement over any previous condition."

"That does confirm my supposition," Little Blue says.

Author's Notes:

Been thinking about guards, and I saw this picture:
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01414/little-horse_1414911i.jpg

Parrot Boy and Swift Wind were born. No, that isn't Percy.