A Royal Pain

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Chapter 7: A Royal Checkup

The violet glow faded from Twilight Sparkle’s horn. “Everything looks good,” she told Prince Blueblood. “But I have to tell you again that, even though I’ve read everything I could find on pony-seapony pregnancies, I am not a trained doctor. Blueblood, you need to get checked out by a doctor.”

“No,” he said.

Twilight Sparkle rubbed her temple with a forehoof. “Why are you being so difficult? Would it help if we brought down your doctor from Canterlot?”

“No! Definitely not,” he replied defensively.

“But I thought you had one of Equestria’s finest doctors.”

“I don’t doubt the training and skill of Doctor Well Heart,” Blueblood replied. “But unusual medical conditions are frequently whispered about in my circles. While I do believe Well Heart wouldn’t break confidentiality, I want to keep my condition as far away from Canterlot as possible.”

“Then why not see Doctor Stable?” Twilight Sparkle suggested.

“A Ponyville doctor? Please.”

“Doctor Stable graduated in the top 5% of his class at Canterlot Medical and is one of Equestria’s foremost experts on maleficent magical treatment methods for fighting tumors. He practices in Ponyville because it’s his home.”

“The residents of Ponyville really love it, don’t they?”

“The town has that effect on ponies,” Twilight Sparkle commented.

“Not me.”

“Still. I’m going to set up an appointment for you to see Doctor Stable. And don’t think of not showing up. Because you know what I like about Doctor Stable? He’s still willing to make house calls.”

“Fine,” Blueblood moaned.

Prince Blueblood sat in the waiting room. The offices shared by Doctor Stable and other health professionals were inferior to Doctor Well Heart’s office in Canterlot. But functionally, the waiting room was exactly like any other. Uncomfortable chairs, undoubtedly housing the rumps of countless sick ponies at points in the past. Out of date magazines. Unattractive potted plants. A counter with nurses and clerks taking care of directing patients and handling their files.

Blueblood could feel the eyes of everypony on him. Perhaps it was because other ponies were by far the most interesting thing in the waiting room. Perhaps they recognized him, or at least recognized him as somepony everypony should know. He was sweating, but primarily because he refused to take off his overcoat. Perhaps that was why they were looking at him.

A nurse opened the door at the back of the room. “Prince Blueblood? Doctor Stable will see you now.”

“Oh, thank Celestia,” he muttered. He proceeded through the door, following the nurse to the doctor’s office.

“Come in, Prince Blueblood,” Doctor Stable said. A unicorn, like most doctors, Doctor Stable had a plain brown mane and a golden coat. He peered at the contents of a file over the top of his glasses. He closed the door with his magic. “Please, take off your coat.”

When Blueblood hesistated, Doctor Stable addressed him again. “According to your file, and as far as the nurses here know, you are here for a routine physical. Twilight Sparkle filled me in on the details. And that answers why she sent me those books on seapony reproduction three months ago!” He chuckled.

Blueblood took off his coat and climbed on the examination table. “Please, Doctor, can we just get on with it?”

Doctor Stable cleared his throat. “Okay. Lay back on the table, please.”

Blueblood complied, and soon felt the tingle of magic wash over him. As the doctor kept his eyes and magic on him, he began to feel more self-conscious. He fought to keep his forelegs from covering himself.

“Done. Your foal is developing normally,” the doctor finally said.

“Well, that’s... good,” Blueblood replied. He sat up and went to get off the examination table.

“Don’t you want to know?”

“Know what?”

“Your foal’s type and gender.”

“Well, I don’t want to be surprised,” Blueblood said. “Again,” he muttered. “Go ahead, doctor.”

“It’s a unicorn colt,” Doctor Stable stated.

“But the foal is half seapony. What does that mean?”

“If you’re wondering if he will have a seapony tail, then no. In physical appearance, this foal will appear to be a unicorn, though perhaps with some cosmetic differences. It will take the development of his magic to take seapony form, but he will have access to that ability. Normally, you’d need magical talent on the level of Twilight Sparkle to change shapes.”

“Well, that’s... interesting.”

“Just be warned, a magical surge could trigger the change.”

“Ugh. I’m not ready for that,” Blueblood muttered.

“Nopony feels they’re ready, Prince Blueblood. That’s a normal, ordinary reaction. Now, let’s talk about your follow-up appointments.”

Blueblood sighed. “Okay, how many are we talking about?”

“I’d like to schedule one appointment a month, assuming no complications. I’d also like to talk about the delivery. I will make arrangements at Ponyville Hospital and lead the delivery. Twilight Sparkle will certainly be on hoof, ready to lend assistance. I recommend we also bring in a colleague of mine from Fillydelphia, a doctor with experience in seapony births.”

“I’m not sure about that,” Blueblood said.

“I understand your reluctance, and while I trust in my own medical training and the power of the princess, it would be best to involve a more experienced doctor. You are simply too important to risk providing anything but the best care.”

“Perhaps you’re right, Doctor. I will take your advice under consideration.”

“Very good. If you are experiencing any complications, don’t hesitate to contact me. Otherwise, I will see you next month, Prince Blueblood.”

Blueblood donned his coat and left the doctor’s office. He was surprised to notice a familiar face now in the waiting room; Golden Harvest was seated next to a stallion he guessed to be her husband, due to his cutie mark of three stalks of grain. He smiled and nodded at the mare; she grinned widely.

She’s probably going to tell him that that was the crazy swimmer, he thought. At least that’s better than being known as the pregnant stallion.

It took three more weeks for Prince Blueblood to finish the survey of Ponyville’s outlying farms, and a week more to finalize his paperwork. That left the task of creating a master plan for Ponyville to guide its future growth. This he was able to work on from his room in the library. And that was good, as there was no longer any way to conceal his girth. His swollen abdomen was particularly noticeable when seated. It just wasn’t possible to avoid.

One day, while hunched over his drafting table, Twilight Sparkle walked into his room. “How are you feeling?”

“Same old, same old. I ache. I can’t get comfortable. I can’t even work for half an hour without running to the bathroom.”

“I mean, how are you feeling up here?” Twilight Sparkle pointed to her head. “You’ve almost locked yourself in your room. Have you gotten out at all?”

“I go out almost every day. I deliver plans to Town Hall, mail letters to my associates in Canterlot, and even do my share of the shopping,” Blueblood said.

“I mean, go out and interact with other ponies. Have you done anything for fun since we went to the movie theater last month?”

“I assure you, that was not fun. I’ve never cried over something as simple as a sappy story before.”

“I understand you’re not used to these hormones. But I’ve come to invite you to something you can do with everypony,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Winter Wrap-Up is next week.”

Blueblood gave her a perplexed look. “If you’ve taken over that task from Princess Celestia, I don’t see how I can help you.”

“No, Prince Blueblood. Here in Ponyville, we wrap up winter in the earth pony tradition.”

“Ugh, how barbaric,” Blueblood muttered.

“It’s fun, Blueblood. It’s fresh air and vigorous exercise in the company of friends. Do you skate?”

“Skate?”

“Ice skating,” Twilight Sparkle clarified.

“Oh, dear Celestia, no.”

“Fine. Then I won’t suggest clearing the lakes. That probably rules out the weather team. So, would you prefer to be on the animal team or the plant team?”

“I have literally no experience with either task, Twilight Sparkle.”

“That’s okay. Most ponies don’t have much experience at all. All the tasks are simple, and the team leads will keep everypony organized. So what do you think?”

“This is really the kind of job where I should be organizing, not laboring,” Blueblood said.

“Well, I’m the head organizer. But there’s one area where I could use the assistance of an experienced pony, and then you could help out where needed. So what do you think, Junior Organizer?”

“I’d prefer the title Assistant Organizer.”

“But Spike likes it when I call him Junior Organizer.”

“He’s also a child. Now, how can I help you, Senior Organizer?”

Blueblood smirked as Twilight Sparkle’s eye twitched. “I hate the term senior. It makes me feel... old! Anyway, what I need is a plan for clearing the snow and planting in a more efficient manner. And you probably know the map of Ponyville better than anypony.”

“That sounds like something I would enjoy.”

“Welcome, everypony, to Winter Wrap-Up!” Mayor Mare called to the crowd gathered around the stage. “It’s so good to see everypony eager to usher in spring, and raring to go! But first, let me introduce our coordinator and chief organizer, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight Sparkle flared her wings briefly as she strode to the podium amidst the stomping hooves of ponies applauding. She cleared her throat. “Thank you, everypony. I know we’re all eager to begin wrapping up winter. This year, I’ve enlisted the assistance of Prince Blueblood, a guest to Ponyville and my Assistant Organizer, to design a plan to wrap up winter as fast as possible. Blueblood?”

Blueblood stepped up to the podium as Twilight Sparkle stepped aside. He was sweating, though less because of the eyes of everypony on him, and more because he was still wearing his heavy coat. The pegasi had brought in warmer air, though the skies still held the thick clouds of an overcast winter day. He adjusted the vest under his coat. Twilight Sparkle was nice enough to make him a multicolored vest like hers, but dear Celestia, did it ever itch!

He waited for the crowd to settle down again. He saw Twilight Sparkle’s horn glow as she projected an image of a map of Ponyville. “Thank you,” he started. “The plan for Winter Wrap-Up is to begin along the five illustrated routes. The weather and plant teams will both follow these paths, clearing both the skies and the snow on the ground. That way, Celestia’s sun will have the most time to warm the soil, making the subsequent planting easier. The animal teams will also have a clear path to the fields and woods where they will do their work.

“I’ve also identified collection points along each path, where you can drop the cleared snow. The melting snow will create small pools of water that can be tapped for later irrigation of the fields.”

“Thank you, Prince Blueblood,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Now, let’s get started!”

With a remarkable coordination, the ponies surged from the crowd, grabbing equipment and forming into groups. Ponies in matching vests formed a colorful mosaic on this Ponyville morning. Blueblood smiled as everything worked out.

He was snapped out of his revelry by the strong slap of a hoof on his withers. “Well, howdy, partner, we could use another strong pony on the plows!”

“Uh, yes,” he muttered. He examined the orange earth pony mare, who was wearing a plant team vest and a band around her foreleg with a star, an indication that she was team leader. “Applejack, right?”

“Sure am! Now, Twilight said you’d be free to help wherever a pony was needed, so let’s get going!”

Blueblood shrugged and followed Applejack. She was leading a group of mostly earth ponies following one of the paths Blueblood had created, the one covering her own farm and the one owned by the Goldens. Strangely, he didn’t see Golden Harvest in this group.

They stopped just outside the town, where a variety of contraptions were waiting. They only vaguely resembled the plows used by the Canterlot civil servants to keep the boulevards pristine. It looked like somepony attached a plow blade to a large frame with wheels.

“All right, everypony, get hitched up and let’s get moving!” Applejack called. The ponies moved, filling the machines until only one was left unclaimed. Blueblood studied it curiously.

“Don’t suppose you’ve ever plowed before, partner,” Applejack said as she walked by. Blueblood shook his head. “Well, it’s simple. Just press your barrel against this bar and push. Stay next to your neighbor and try to keep up.”

With Applejack’s help, Blueblood was ready to plow. With a shout, the ponies surged forward. Blueblood pushed as he walked, the momentum slowly building in the plow. “This isn’t hard at all,” he said to himself.

Then he looked to his left, and he saw that he was already behind his neighbor. Blueblood grunted as he picked up speed.

By the time the field was plowed, Blueblood was exhausted. Sweat dripped from his sides and plastered his mane to his head. He got out of the plow and plunged his head into the snow bank at the edge of the field. He sighed as the cold snow provided relief. He then noticed Applejack smirking at him.

“Well, of course you’re hot,” Applejack said. “You’re wearing that heavy coat!”

“I’ll live,” Blueblood replied.

“Now, don’t think about dallying. We’ve got another twelve fields to clear!”

Blueblood groaned.

After two more fields, Prince Blueblood felt ready to collapse. Fortunately, it looked like Applejack had planned for this. Fresh volunteers took up the snowplows from the more tired ponies, and Blueblood was told to return to the first field. There, he found another group of townsponies, ready with plows and seeds.

He was interrupted by yet another slap on his withers. “Didn’t expect to see you here!” a familiar voice said. “Figured you’d be out clearing the lakes, so you could go for a swim.”

“And a good day to you, Golden Harvest,” Blueblood replied, rubbing the spot she hit. He really didn’t need any more firsthoof demonstrations of earth pony strength. “No, Twilight Sparkle indicated that the process for clearing lakes involved, ugh, ice skating.”

“That it does! No sense falling on your rump, now, is there? Glad to see Twilight got you out of the house.”

“Yes, she can be very convincing. Speaking of jobs, why weren’t you clearing the snow?”

“That’s more Applejack’s thing,” Golden Harvest replied. “I think she likes showing off her strength and endurance. Me? I just like working the fields.”

“Then where’s your plow?”

“Plow? Who needs a plow?” Golden Harvest dug a hole in the soft earth with one hoof, dropped in a few seeds, and pressed the dirt over the seeds.

“That hardly seems efficient,” Blueblood said.

“To each her own. We’ve got plenty of plows, too. How about you team up with Noteworthy over there? He’ll plow, and you follow him with the seeds.”

“Sounds good to me.”

The planting was a lot easier for Prince Blueblood. He carried a bag of seeds in his magic, dropping them in the furrows left by the plows. Other unicorns and a few pegasi did the same. The earth ponies either pushed the plows or planted by hoof. It was such pleasant work that he didn’t notice the dirt accumulating on his hooves.

“Ugh,” Blueblood complained.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Golden Harvest said. Her forelegs were caked in mud from hoof to knee, with splatters up to her elbows. She turned to face the group. “All right, everypony, next field! And you better do a good job!”

The reason for her warning was clear as they headed to Golden Harvest’s farm. “Blueblood, would you distribute the seeds from the crate marked #2?”

Blueblood nodded. He opened the crate and pulled out bags from small boxes illustrated with various foodstuffs. “Celery, lettuce, daisy, eggplant, daffodil bulbs, sweet corn, green pepper,” he counted off. “Where are the carrots?” he asked Golden Harvest.

“Already growing in the greenhouse. I’ll be planting them in the fields myself this week,” she replied.

“You don’t want to make use of everypony’s help?” he asked.

“I have to do it myself. Growing carrots is my special talent,” Golden Harvest explained. “What we’re planting now is just what anypony could grow in their garden. But carrots are personal to me.” She paused. “You don’t grow anything, right?”

“I think the chef maintains an herb garden,” Blueblood offered.

“Figured as much. Just remember, when you’re buying an earth pony’s special crop, it’s more than just food. It’s a little from here, too.” She pressed a hoof to her breast. Blueblood grimaced as she left a muddy hoofprint on it.

Blueblood stayed busy working with the plant team. Later, members of the weather and animal teams came to help with additional snow clearing and watering. By late afternoon, his current team was finished, and they returned to town, joining a growing mass of ponies. The sky was clear, and the sunny afternoon matched the dispositions of the residents of Ponyville.

He headed to the center of town, finding Twilight Sparkle, smiling as she was going over a checklist. She nodded and put the list away. Soon, Mayor Mare took her position on the stage outside Town Hall. “Thank you, everypony, for your hard work. I now declare winter officially wrapped up!” All around, ponies cheered and bumped hooves. Blueblood joined the crowd as it departed, heading back to the library.

“And that was an hour faster than last year,” Twilight Sparkle said as she joined Blueblood. “You gave everypony more time to enjoy the evening festivities.”

“I’m just looking forward to a hot shower,” Blueblood said.

“You’re not going to go out tonight?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Golden Harvest invited me to her... hoedown.” He sniffed derisively.

“That sounds like fun.”

“Look, I appreciate your sentiment, Twilight Sparkle. But look at this,” Blueblood said, lifting his overcoat. “It’s filthy and absolutely rank. And even if it were clean, it’s too warm to wear it now, especially in a barn full of ponies. And I can’t go out looking like I am.”

“I think I understand,” Twilight Sparkle said. They reached the library, and Blueblood opened the door. At the same time, he felt magic wash over him.

“What did you do?” Blueblood asked.

“Just take off your coat,” she replied cryptically.

Blueblood removed his overcoat, folding it and placing it by the stairs. He didn’t feel any different, but then he saw himself in the mirror. He was back to looking like he was merely overweight.

“What did you do?” Blueblood asked. He poked himself, but was disappointed to find he was still the bloated monster he had become.

“It’s a simple visual glamer. As you can see, it doesn’t change anything about you physically, but it changes the way you look to others,” she explained. “The spell should last about ten hours. That’s plenty of time for you to enjoy Golden Harvest’s party.”

“Fine. But only after I shower.”

The first thing Prince Blueblood noticed about Golden Harvest’s party was the smell. Or, rather, the lack of one. He figured a party in a barn would stink. But there was only a faint mustiness. He had experienced much worse at the bars and clubs he visited while slumming with his friends.

Other than the location, it was a normal party, with ponies, food, and music. Foals ran around and played games, keeping to one corner of the barn. The food suggested an attempt to use up the last of the winter’s stores. The music was more to earth pony tastes. And the ponies? Blueblood was surprised at how many he recognized. He spotted the mailmare, a few of the ponies from market, and a good number of ponies from that morning’s plant team.

He tried to gauge how much time he would have to spend here to get Twilight Sparkle off his back. At least two hours, he guessed. Just get some food and drink and walk around. He’d survived mingling at plenty of less enjoyable parties.

“And the time Twilight Sparkle tried to wake the animals? She got stung by bees AND sprayed by skunks!”

Blueblood’s ears swiveled towards the juicy story. He sauntered over to the small crowd of ponies, which included Golden Harvest. “Hey there, Blueblood!” she called. She turned to the crowd. “Now this is a member of royalty I’d actually trust with a plow!”

“Carrot Top was telling me about a particularly disastrous Winter Wrap-Up a few years past,” a stallion said. He shared an orange mane and carrot cutie mark with Golden Harvest.

“This is my cousin Imperator, from Dodge Junction,” Golden Harvest said.

“A pleasure,” Blueblood said. It wasn’t a serious sentiment; Dodge Junction was a frontier town on the outskirts of the Duchy of Omahay, and no place important. “So, Winter Wrap-Up hasn’t always been this smooth?” he asked.

“For most of my life, it’s taken two days to wrap up winter. But that’s just run-of-the-mill struggling. It took Twilight Sparkle to threaten to destroy Winter Wrap-Up with a wave of incompetence beyond parallel. She couldn’t do one task right!”

“Do tell,” Blueblood said smoothly.

“So let me tell you about how she got Applejack caught up in a giant snowball....”

Prince Blueblood was actually surprised how late it was when he headed home. He enjoyed himself. He learned more about Ponyville from that one party, and its ponies with lips loosened by ample supplies of carrot vodka, than in all his months with Twilight Sparkle. Sure, she could explain all the facts and history one would want to know, but these ponies knew all the dirt.

Ponyville had its rivalries. While battles over the title of Iron Pony or who had the most impressive harvest weren’t as significant as political intrigue at court, that didn’t stop the ponies from competing fiercely.

Ponyville had its social circles, with all the rumors those bring. Who was courting who, who was looking for action on the side, who was in favor with the mayor or Princess... all these things were familiar, even though the stakes were lower.

And Ponyville had its exciting days. Discord, dragons, parasprites, Ursas... from what ponies said, it was like something threatened Ponyville several times a year! He was shocked that nothing incredible had happened during his own stay.

“Unless I’m the incredible story,” he mused.

Blueblood returned to a quiet library. He crept upstairs quietly, so as not to wake Twilight Sparkle. On his bed, a letter was waiting for him. He picked it up with his magic and opened it, seeing the familiar hornwriting of Twilight Sparkle.

Prince Blueblood,

I hope you enjoyed your party tonight. I encourage you to go out whenever you want. To that end, I’ve inscribed below something that will help you feel comfortable in Ponyville.

Twilight Sparkle

At the bottom of the letter was a series of arcane glyphs, detailing an illusion spell. He surmised it was the one she had cast on him earlier. It hit him that this was the first time Twilight Sparkle had even mentioned magic to him since the day he experimented in her basement laboratory. Blueblood hoped that meant his relationship with Twilight Sparkle had recovered slightly.

He lay down in bed, eager to rest after the day’s labors. He crossed his forelegs over his barrel, and then felt his foal kick.

That was one labor Prince Blueblood was not looking forward to.

Author's Notes:

The next chapter will involve cravings.