Chapter V: Cottage Industries

Pinkie, Applejack, Fluttershy and I went out toward the castle gate after Dinner. As we approached it, an agitated Filch ran up to us.

"Don't you even think of going out of the castle at night!"

"Why not?" I asked.

"It's not safe! And it's against the rules! I know you're up to something!"

"I just want to go see the creatures kept for the Care of Magical Creatures class, Mr. Filch." Fluttershy said. "Can't I go? Pretty please?" She turned on the big puppy-dog eyes.

"Hmm." He said. "Ah, I know. The penalty for you lot sneaking out is to go assist Mr. Hagridd for the night. Be sure to report to him, and do not get lost. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason! And keep a wary eye about. Many frightening creatures prowl the woods, and sometimes the grounds at night."

"Well, thankee kindly." Applejack told him, and we all gave him our thanks.

We walked down the path toward the creature containment area. We could see all manner of pens, cages, and tie-downs for the creatures. "How awful, that they have to use them! Wizards must have difficulty understanding the animals!" Fluttershy stopped near the cages, by a scattered field of pumpkins, and started to look in some of the cages. Some of the cages rocked at her approach. She was whispering 'Oh, you poor dear,' and similar sentiments, as she looked in, even into the violently rocking containers.

The rest of us were taking a look of our own, at the blast-ended skrewts, the giant spiders, hippogriffs, and other monsters, when suddenly Fluttershy gasped and hid behind Applejack.

"What's wrong, sugarcube?" She asked, and we all looked to Fluttershy.

"ohnoitsher" was all she could squeak out. She pointed a shaky hoof out toward an open area.

A griffin was tied down to a huge iron ring embedded in a large rock. It looked asleep. It was sitting half off the rock, in the dirt, at the end of the chain it was attached to. It had a full harness attached to it, and its beak was chained shut. Some kind of heavy glove coated its talons. She looked awfully familiar...

"Gilda!" Pinkie exclaimed, in an unusually dark tone.

"Oh, Dash's old friend." AJ said.

"Wait, what's she doing here? And wasn't she a jerk?" I asked.

Her sharp senses picked up on our conversation. Her catlike reflexes propelled her off the ground in a leap. A gutteral growl was confined to her throat by the chains. Her mitted hands stopped inches before Pinkie, as the chain went taut, and only the gloves kept me from seeing if Gilda did mean to choke her. Thwarted, she fell back on the ground, and began to cry.

"What in the hay did you do that for? And why are you even here?" AJ began her interrogation.

"Mfflwfflfffm." Gilda was incomprehensible.

"Well, let's at least get her side of the story." I said. I focused my magic on the muzzle around her beak. My magic failed. "What? The chains are somehow magic resistant!" I cried out.

"Why do we want 'her side of the story'? She's just a big grump!" Pinkie said.

"I know she just tried to... hurt you." I said. "But there are too many mysteries here, and I want some answers!"

"I don't care about that." Pinkie responded. "But she was mean to Fluttershy! Let her stay here and cry!"

"Pinkie," Fluttershy begged. "It's not right to keep an anyone chained. Even if they are a jerk." She looked Gilda in the eyes. "Will you be a nice griffin if we remove the muzzle?" Gilda nodded emphatically.

All of Gilda's previous energy was gone as she resignedly allowed Fluttershy to unhook and remove the muzzle. She carefully cracked her neck back and forth, and slid her jaw around.

"Now," Fluttershy asked firmly. "Apologize to Pinkie Pie."

"Sorry, Pinkie Pie." She said with a bit of sarcasm and mockery.

"Apologize for real. Please."

"I'm sorry I went after you, Pinkie Pie. I haven't eaten good in days, and I still blame you for that stupid party. It was like a reflex or something."

"Pinkie Pie?" The yellow pegasus said. "Don't you have something to say too?"

"I don't have anything to be sorry for!" She said.

"No, you don't. But you have to accept her apology."

"I refuse!"

"Like I even want that square's forgiveness." Gilda said. "The sooner I can lose the rest of these chains, the sooner I can get away from you lame-o ponies. She tried to steal the friendship of the only cool pony in Equestria, and succeeded. You won. Congratulations."

"In case you haven't noticed, we're your only shot of gettin' free of those chains." AJ said.

"You're gonna do it anyway, 'cause I have a hostage." Gilda wrapped her forelimbs around Fluttershy, who was still in reach. "And I am so. very. hungry."

Gilda and Fluttershy stared at each other for a moment. Gilda let go of Fluttershy and pushed her out of reach. "I just can't do it. I thought you were the lamest pony I ever saw, with those ducks following you, but you put your plot on the line, and gave me back my voice, even if all I've done with it is call you names. Go ahead. I deserve to rot here."

"I thought I was Equestria's top Party Pony." Pinkie was somehow next to Gilda. "But you've got me beat. This is the greatest pity-party I've ever seen."

"Go away, Pinkie Pie. I despise you."

"Well, you've got a problem." She said. "You've got lots of problems. But the main one is this: If you send away everypony you despise, how are you gonna send yourself away?"

Gilda started crying again. Fluttershy put a hoof on Gilda's shoulder. "There, there."

"Please, Gilda," I said. "Do you think you can tell us what happened? How you got here?"

Gilda pulled herself together, and caught her breath. "Yeah, I can't do anything right, but I can do that, at least."

"So, anyway, after Pinkie Pie's party, I left town. I lost. Everything. I just drifted around, and I slept in treetops, clifftops, and cloudtops. I just wandered. Sometimes I'd drift back toward Ponyville, but I'd just turn back. There's just no crossing a burnt bridge.

It went this way for a couple of months. I gave up. I went and stole a cache of booze. I got rip-roaring drunk. And I was going to take Pinkie Pie down a peg. Even if the rest of the ponies took me out for the count. I was flying crooked, and just as I was in sight of Ponyville, a cloud suddenly came outta nowhere, and flew right in my path. I couldn't see anything. But I was hit from all directions. Again and again. Within a few seconds, I was hit hard, on the back of the head.

I blacked out. When I came to, I still couldn't see. I had a black bag over my head. I tried to shout, to yell, but my beak was tied up. I was being carried somewhere, and my claws and legs were tied up. Whoever was carrying me didn't talk. At all. The bag came off, and I was tossed into a dungeon cell. I could see on the way out, that it was one of those damn silent royal guards.

I was in that cell for at least a week. Nobody spoke. Nobody presented any charges. I got out of the ropes and gag myself, but it was no use. Who was there to talk to. It was torture.

But there was one bright spot. There was a small library of books in there with me. I tore a few of them up in a rage, right when I got there, and I regretted it later. They were my only distraction. I read by sunlight, and just slept at night.

One night, after my bruises had healed from the beating I took, I woke up to find a rag pressed into my face. I blacked out again. When I woke up, I was bound up and in a cage. One of these 'humans' was next to me, and I was in some kind of dark, seedy bar. This guy next to me was playing some kind of card game. I was able to pick up on the rules, but the guy was playing it wrong. Like he was out to lose.

'All in. And the griffin as well.' He had a pair of twos. But the words chilled me to the bone. He lost that hand to the one I now know as Hagridd. When the game finished, the giant, hairy man grabbed my cage, and carried me off to here. I wanted to scream, but I was muzzled.

And it's been a nightmare ever since. When I put it that way, I guess it's been a nightmare since that party. I've been 'trained' by that damn Hagridd ever since. And I hate it.

I'm supposed to keep quiet. Nobody's cared what I've had to say, even when I wasn't wearing a muzzle. He demanded I act as a mount for stupid wizard kids. And to do really dumb tricks. At night, the handsy bastard touches me. In places. "Gilda shuddered. "

The food is crappy. He's even tried 'Animal Husbandry' "Fluttershy shuddered. "and put me in with the Hippogriffs from time to time. So I've basically been fighting off dumb Hippogriffs in my spare time.

And now? Some fatass from one of the older classes tried to ride me around last week. Crabbe. I really hate him, him and Goyle, and Malfoy. Heck, Weasley, Longbottom, really, I need to make a list of the humans I don't hate. That'd be, lemme see here, nope, hate 'em all.

Anyway, so I struggled, and got a good twenty feet over the ground, and dropped his fat ass. Then I landed on him, and gave him a good mauling. Or tried to. Those wizards pummelled me with their wands. So, now, I hear they're going to 'youth-in-ize' me. I don't want to be an egg again! It was hard enough growing up the first time, even with a friend like Dash. I don't want to do it here! I won't be strong enough to keep them from hurting me!"

AJ and Pinkie were baffled at the word euthanize. Fluttershy and I were horrified.

"Good news, Gilda, you won't have to worry about being turned into an egg." I said.

"Why, because you're going to free me?" She pleaded with her eyes.

"No, because that's not what euthanize means. It comes from the words eu, meaning good, thanos, meaning death, and ize, meaning to do. They plan on killing you."

Gilda shared the look of horror on Fluttershy's face. "Don't you worry none," Applejack reassured her. "Of course we're gonna get you outta this. Even Pinkie don't hate you that much. Heh heh."

"I don't hate her!" Pinkie objected. "I mean, she's violent, a bully, a grade A meanie pants, rude, and stupid. But there's gotta be something good about her. Otherwise Dash never would have been her friend. And maybe, just maybe, if Gilda remembers what those good things are, she can be friends with Dash again."

Gilda sniffled. "Thanks, Pinkie. I hope I can." She sighed. "But I wish I could go back sometimes, you know? That there was a youth-in-ize spell that I could use to do it all over. Because I can't really remember what it was like not to be a bully."

"I'll just have to show you how to be a good friend, Pinkie Pie-style!"

"Thanks. But how?"

"By being your friend, silly."

"I never agreed to be your friend."

"Sorry, Gilda, it's a package deal. I come with Dash, and Fluttershy too. And friends don't let friends get killed. Got anything, Twilight or Applejack?"

"This chain is as antimagical as the muzzle." I said.

"And it's got no handy catches to play with." AJ said. "We'd need the key to the lock."

"Oh, if only Rarity were here." I moaned. "She could probably pick this lock."

"I've got an idea, if, um, you think it'd work." Fluttershy said. She was standing next to a large axe embedded in a tree stump.

"Hmm." I rubbed my chin. "It'll be noisy. And I just bet those humans will be unhappy if you just left." I pointed to Gilda. "So we should probably run away afterwards to those trees. Gilda, do you think you're ready to run?"

"I was ready to get out of here before I arrived."

"Everypony else?"

They all nodded in agreement. "Let's get this show on the road!" I said. I tore the axe from the stump with my telekinesis, and brought it down at incredible speed, shearing the chain, and embedding the axe into the rock below. We galloped off, with Gilda flying before us, into the underbrush. We could hear behind us a door slam open, and a plaintive shout of "Gilda? Gilda! Where'd you get to? Me plan to hide you from the MOM wasn't until midnight!"

We hid in the underbrush for a good hour. The adrenaline rush was finally wearing off.

"Ok. We need a plan." I said.

"Do you have OCD or something?" Gilda asked. "Or are you just a goody-two shoes egghead."

"Twi is an egghead, sure." AJ decided to defend me. "But you've no right to talk to her like that. And her smarts have pulled our bacon outta the fire more times than I can count."

"Can you count to five, or is it one, two, three, many." Gilda retorted.

"Why you ungrateful! I've half a mind to truss you up like a pinata for that crab-guy.

"Girls! Stop!" I harshly hissed under my breath. "We. Need. A. Plan. To somehow hide Gilda until we can send her back to our world"

"Wait, we're on another world? So much for getting free from you ponies..."

"And," I continued "we need a plan for getting back into Hogwarts. We still have to confront Nightmare Luna."

"Wait, what? She's become Nightmare Moon again? I thought you ponies took care of her for good!"

"Shh. Hush now." Fluttershy quieted Gilda.

"Ok, between Gilda and Fluttershy, we might be able to fly in the rest of us one by one, and get back to the upper halls. Maybe. If a window's open. But stealth is key..." I began. I could feel a chill on my neck.

A creature, made of funeral shrouds and shadows descended upon us. The empty pits of its eye sockets stared at the underbrush we were in. It was drawing nearer, and the chill I felt became stronger. I could hear a soft, keening noise.

Pinkie sprang out of the underbrush. "Ha, ha, ha!" The creature momentarily recoiled. Then it drew forward quickly, and swept Pinkie up. It made to bite her face. "Ha, ha, ha!" The bite was interrupted, and in that moment, Pinkie kissed it on the forehead.

It shrieked in agony. Pinkie dropped back upon the ground as it lost its grip. It thrashed for a few moments, and then burst into spectral green flame. Its shadowy substance boiled off into the air, and a thin hint of a human skeleton was the last bit of it to disintegrate.

"I take back everything I have ever said about ponies being lame." Gilda stated.

"Heh, just Pinkie Pie bein' Pinkie." AJ told her.

"I think we should move, in any case." I said.

We moved around the perimeter of the forest. We stopped a few minutes later to rest again.

"Hey, Orange," Gilda began.

"That's Applejack, missy. Orange is my Auntie."

"Sorry. Hey, Applejack, mind helping me with these stupid mitts?"

As AJ began fighting with the latches on them, I tried to work out another plan. But nothing was springing to mind. AJ undid the last of them, when a black chariot descended from the sky, right near us. It was a strange sight, no pegasi pulled it, and it was largely devoid of marking, aside from a large sign on the end, bearing the numbers 6,6,6.

"Aaah! Aliens!" Gasped AJ.

The door of it swung open. We sunk lower into the bushes. Two humans emerged from the doors. Music we didn't much like also came from within the chariot.

The two humans walked towards the trees.

"What the fucking hell?" Asked the female, angrily.

"Ebony?" The male asked.

"What?" 'Ebony' snapped.

They leaned close, and kissed.

I saw they were dressed largely in black, but not for long.

"What are they doing?" Asked AJ.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing...??" I added.

"You mean, the nasty?" Gilda replied.

"Ooooooooh!" Pinkie began to blush.

"Not very well, if I'm any judge." muttered Fluttershy. We all turned to her, shocked.

"What?" She asked. "I keep a lot of animals around. I think you can do the math, Twilight."

He'd backed her against a tree. "Now that you mention it, Fluttershy" said AJ "Does seem a bit mechanical, to me. Just all kindsa humpin'. I seen cider presses more interestin' than this."

"I know. Maybe human anatomy doesn't allow much in the way of variation. Like porcupines. But if they're anything like spider-monkies, or gorillas, I'd expect them to do almost as many things as ponies can..." Once the topic got to ponies, she suddenly blushed. "Not that, um, I'd know too much about that..."

"C'mon, Fluttershy, you were the school bicycle back in Junior Speedsters." Gilda punched Fluttershy playfully on the shoulder. Fluttershy gave Gilda a death glare. "Sorry. I don't know what I can joke about with you lot yet. And that was a joke. Obviously!"

Gilda broke our silence a few moments later. "So, are we just gonna watch these two screw, or what? If I knew there was going to be a show, I'd have brought popcorn."

Pinkie just passed her the box of popcorn, while noisily chewing her own share. Gilda was speechless, and AJ just grabbed Gilda on the shoulder, and shook her head.

The Ebony girl was orgasming. "Oh, oh, oh!" Or at least faking one.

"Yeah, Gilda's right." I said. "We should leave, and get back to Hogwarts."

But we were interrupted once again. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" proclaimed Dumbledore.

"You ludacris fools!" He shouted. "You are going back to Hogwarts with me!" The two shamefaced students gathered their clothes, and followed him out of the clearing. The girl was crying on the way out.

"Was she crying blood?" Asked Gilda.

"How could you tell?" AJ asked.

Gilda sniffed the air. "That's how. Got a nose for hunting. And it sure smelled like blood. Now, I'm no awesome vet, like Fluttershy here, but that ain't a good sign." Fluttershy looked to the ground and blushed at the compliment.

"No, that's a sign of severe head trauma, or hemorrhagic fever." Fluttershy expertly mumbled at the ground.

"Guys!" Pinkie's head popped out from the flying chariot. "I have the greatest idea!"