Chapter VI: Clock Down, Drag Out Fight

We all piled in to the vehicle. The seats were soft, and comfortable.

"Ugh," I said. "We have to figure out how to turn off this music!"

With loud tearing noises, the music stopped. Gilda had shredded the speaker cones. "Done, and done."

"That's one way to git'r'done. Rarity would have a fit, though. Heh." AJ chuckled.

"Now for the rest of the vehicle." My telekinesis probed the vehicle, and the spell I'd modded from Rarity kicked into gear. I'm not the most mechanically inclined pony, but by cheating with magic, I figured out the car fast enough. "Maybe Mr. Benz there in the clearing won't mind the speaker damage if we return his car to Hogwarts." I said. "Sure liked to put his name all over this thing, though."

"If you had a sweet ride like this, wouldn't you?" Asked Pinkie.

"So. Awesome." Gilda mimicked Dash, as the car began to rise under my direction. I flew above the forest to get my bearings. I spied the castle, and flew the car in slightly above the walls. The moment I was above the parapets, the car lurched, as the spells that made it fly were disenchanted. My horn glowed bright white with power, as I slowed its descent magically.

"Everypony hold on!"

"Not a pony!"

"You know what I mean!"

We crashed into a small fountain. The shiny finish of the car was horribly scratched. The outer body panels were a bit bent. The frame was largely intact. The doors swung out with a little difficulty, and we gathered around the car.

AJ doffed her hat to pay her respects. "Mr. Benz ain't gonna care about them speakers now, I reckon."

"I think I hear a party calling me..." Pinkie said.

"Tiring day, gotta get some shuteye." AJ said.

"Aah! Gotta hide!" I screamed.

"Hey! What about me? I'm wanted dead or alive here!" Gilda angrily shouted. "Where can I hide?"

That snapped me out of panic mode. "The top of the clocktower. We have to go there at midnight to face Luna. Afterwards, we'll find a better place for you. Now, girls, get back to your common rooms, and get ready to face her. I'll bring Rarity when it's time. We meet at the base of the clocktower at eleven."

Then we fled the scene. Gilda flew off, flying from shadow to shadow, upwards to the roof of the clock tower. Which I noticed was already at ten. Time enough to reach the Element of Magic. The door's question was difficult. "What is the nature of phlogiston?" Fortunately, I'd been briefed on today's passcodes. "Erroneous."

I burst into my room, startling Luna. "Hi, Twilight. You spooked me. Where have you been?"

"Sorry, Luna. I've been in a rush all night..." I gave her the brief details of our trip to Hagridd's cottage, Gilda, and the strange behaviour of Luna. As well as a short version of Nightmare Moon and the Elements of Harmony. I began to pack my Tiara.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think so." I said. "If the Elements don't work, I'm not sure the combined powers of all of Hogwart's students could take Luna down. And I don't want to put you in danger, or get you in trouble. But I am very thirsty after the trip up those stairs. Could you get me a glass of water?" She got me one.

"Are you sure? I really want to help."

"Luna is Equestria's problem. I can't just ask Earth to take care of her. Oh, I know. You could find a way to contact Dumbledore, or Celestia. They might know of another way of defeating her, if it comes to it."

I left, and took a sheet with me. I galloped down the hall, and threw the sheet down the grand stairway. I jumped on the sheet, and used it to slowfall down the shaft. I stopped at the bottom, and headed to Slytherin. When I got near, I reached out with a spell, and tapped into the enchantment powering Spike's mailing power. Rarity emerged from Slytherin with Spike shortly after.

"I don't think I could take another minute in there." She said.

"Get any sleep?" I asked.

"Plenty!" said Spike.

"Yes! With such an fierce guardian, I slept very well. Until 'Enoby' came back. Apparantly from a tryst in the woods, with her paramour Draco. Such a dreadful name."

"I thought it was Mercedes Benz..." I muttered.

"What was that?" She asked.

"Nevermind. Good, you're rested. We'll be ready to take on Luna, if it comes to it."

"I sure hope not." Yawned Spike. "And if it comes down to a cool magic fight, I don't think I can stay awake. Where's Owlowicious?"

"He'll be gone until the morning." I said. "You can sleep on my back on the way up, #1 assistant."

He took me up on my offer immediately.

Forty. Flights. Of Goddamn. Stairs. It took forever. Rarity and I were both winded when we reached the base of the Clocktower. AJ, Dash, Pinkie, and Fluttershy were already there, waiting for us. We collapsed in front of them.

"Twilight, you should really race me more often. Then you wouldn't be so tired." Dash said.

"Heh, or she could help me buck apples the hard way." AJ added.

From the floor I shook my hoof at them. In a minute, Rarity and I could stand.

"Well, in we go, I guess. Everypony got their element?" I asked.

"Yes." Was the unanimous reply.

We opened the door to the clocktower. We looked up. Colossal gears meshed with each other, driven by chains, racks, and pawl mechanisms. A pendulum stretched the entire length of the tower.

"Well, I can fly through there," Said Rainbow, looking at the whirling metal death trap, "But I don't think there's an easy way for the rest of us."

"Hmm," I pondered. "If we climb the gears, let the bevels carry us up, cling to the chains, precisely time our way through the descending crusher platforms, past the bone chucking skeletons and nests of bats, dodging the boomerang axe throwing animated suits of armor, making sure not to touch the candles on the walls that are our only illumination, and finally time a jump through a meshing set of giant gears at the top, we can face an immortal, possibly crazy god-empress."

"Or you can use the stairs." Pinkie said.

We looked over to her. She'd opened an unmarked door. It had the maintainence stairway. More #%$ stairs, but it beat the alternative. We trudged up them too.

Luna was resting upon an ornate chair. It was at the head of a dining table, lit by candleabras set upon the floor. The room was fairly empty otherwise. Chairs surrounded the table, sized to fit ponies. She was wearing a metal garment that resembled her ancient armor. A helmet was set carelessly upon the back of the throne, and she was drinking from a wine goblet. When we entered, she spat out the red wine all over the floor, and half the dining table.

"What? I didn't expect you so soon!" She blurted out. "How did you get through the clock tower? That place was a death trap! I mean, I didn't expect it to do more than delay you, but still!"

"Stairs." I panted.

"What? Where?" She asked.

"Over here. Pinkie found 'em." AJ answered.

"I... they're not on the building plans!"

"Pinkie's just like that." Rarity said. "You get used to it."

Luna coughed, and tried to compose herself. "I have set out a humble repast for you. Care for a bit of light refreshment?"

"Huh?" Dash and AJ gave her confused looks.

Luna wiped her face with her hoof. "Care for something to eat? Appetizer? A drink?"

I floated over a glass of water. I was thirsty again. Rainbow lifted up a chafing dish, didn't like what she saw in it, and dropped it. I finished the water.

"Anyway," I began, "I demand some answers! Have you fallen once again? Why change your name?"

"Aah, much better." She smiled, and took a sip of her wine. "Yes, my dear Elements. The power of the night flows again through my veins. I have retaken my place in the heavens. All shall tremble, and know again the Nightmare, and bow before me in supplication and worship!"

"No way!" Shouted Dash. "We bow to Celestia because she's earned it, and because she loves us! We won't bow to a bully! No matter what power you take!"

"Has she earned it, now?" Luna asked. "Just what has she done for you lately? Piled her tasks, and the chores of state upon you? Has she offered you the captaincy of the Wonderbolts, O best young flier of Equestria?"

"Shut up!" was the answer.

"But come, my little ponies, go ahead. Purge the power of the Nightmare from me again, if you dare!"

"Tyranny will always fall to the power of true frienship!" I said. We charged the elements.

I could feel the energy pulse through me. The rainbow power flowed out, and struck Nightmare Artemis. She was enveloped in searing light.

When we opened our eyes, she was still there.

"Did you really think, after being defeated by the Elements twice, I'd permit them to interfere again? Did you really think I'm that dumb, that I wouldn't find a way to resist them?"

"No..." I began.

"Thank you, Twilight. I'm glad that you, the smartest pony I've met in a millenium, think I'm not dumb. That almost makes me feel bad about what I've done to you."

"And just what have you done to her?" AJ demanded.

"Ah, ah, ah, my honest farmer friend. Allow me a moment to gloat, if you please?"

"How cliche." Rarity said under her breath.

"I'm so disappointed, Rarity. Surely, I'd expect you, of all ponies, to appreciate a fine narrative conceit like the villainous monologue? It's simply how it's done, my dear. But let me be brief in my exposition. But first," She walked toward the table, and pulled up another dish. She removed a small dessert and started eating it.

"I may be resistant to the Elements of Harmony," She munched noisily. "But nopony can resist the delicious taste, and marshmallow creme filling of a Chattanooga Moon Pie." She polished off the remainder. "Worried?" She asked Rarity, while raising her eyebrows. Rarity gave an exasperated noise in reply.

"Eh-hem". She cleared her throat of the residual fluff. "I knew you would come to cleanse me of my new-found power at some point or another. But I couldn't have you just running about, that might disrupt some of my other plans. So, I brought you here with the elements to challenge me. Bam! All loose ends tied up. Unless you have a plan B?" She asked me.

"Didn't have time to look one up." I said, with a voice tinged with defeat.

"Splendid." She said. "So, how did she do it, I'm sure you're asking? How did she beat the Elements of Harmony? Simple, they require living weilders."

"Wait, we're all here." AJ stated.

"True." Luna said. "Just as I'd expect from the Element of Honesty. However, you're not all alive."

"What?" We all asked in shock.

"How much do you ponies know about Vampirism?"

"Plenty." Dash spat.

"Do you know how Vampirism spreads?"

"No..." AJ responded.

"Vampirism spreads when a normal pony drinks the blood of a vampire, rather than the other way around. Do you recall my little gift at breakfast, Twilight?"

"Yes..."

"Black Pudding. From Luna. I do so love wordplay, don't you, Twilight?"

I retched. "You mean..."

"Yes. I meant it literally. Tell me, how did the blood of a goddess taste?"

I emptied my stomach, too late, on the floor. "Wait, you're a vampire?" Applejack demanded.

"Yes. I attained the enlightenment of the blood here from the master after I arrived."

"You monster!" AJ screamed. "You don't deserve to return to Equestria!"

"It was not by my hoof that I again gain power. Humans schemed to bring me here, and elevate me to true divinity once again."

"You twist pony souls, and make them thralls!"

"The same could be said of all true deities."

"Your words are as empty as your heart! Equestria doesn't want a Princess like you!"

"What is a pony? A smiling shell quivering for a word of praise, or damnation. But enough talk, time for action!" Luna cast her wineglass behind her, shattering it, as she once more got off her chair. She levitated her helmet upon her head, completing the armor of the nightmare.

"I am impressed by your knowledge, yokel." She spoke to Applejack. "Few ponies know the heirarchy of vampires, or of thralls. But there is one thing you don't know."

"And what's that?" Applejack was in Luna's face.

"That there are five vampires in this room with me."

They grabbed all of us but Spike and me. I struggled to my feet.

"I... don't care." I choked out through my nausea. "I'm going to stop you, if it takes every bit of my magic!"

"I... don't care." She mocked me. "You are my thrall! You will obey me!" The magic I was gathering dissipated. A force pushed me to my knees. Her hair came alive once again, and pulled my head up. "But don't worry, my precious Twilight. So very soon, a cornucopia of delights awaits you."

"As for the rest of you..." She advanced on Rarity. "I do so miss my retainers. A handmaiden, perhaps? You design such exquisite dresses..."

"I'd sooner die!"

"Yes." a dark fire burned in Luna's eyes.

"What else does my court-in-exile need, I wonder. A master chef? A shield maiden? An envoy? A masseuse? A fax machine?"

"What's a fax machine?" Asked Spike.

"Oh, I will have such fun with this. And such exquisite pleasure awaits you all so soon." Her telekinesis fondled Applejack's flank, as AJ put on a brave face. She addressed her servants. "Drink, my followers. It is time to welcome the newest members into our fold."

Fluttershy squeaked, and the rest of the girls screamed. The vampires bent down to attack their necks.

The wall serving as the face of the clock exploded. A stocky man wearing nothing but a pair of briefs came through the glass, getting a hundred small cuts. He landed beside Fluttershy. The surprise stunned the vampires.

"What is the meaning of this outrage!" Demanded Nightmare Artemis.

Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody drew himself to his full short, but imposing height. His eye fixed itself on the vampire before him. His other eye fixed itself on Luna. He grunted in pain, and exertion. He drew his wand.

The vampire by Fluttershy was quicker on the draw. "Expelliarmus!" The wand went flying into the night. Moody reached out. With a wrench, a tearing noise, and a wet squelching he had the vampire's wand. And his arm.

"Nobody." SCHPLAT. "HURTS!" THWACK. "FLUTTERSHY!" SCHLORP!

He punctuated each word by hitting the vampire in the face with his own severed arm. Froth and spittle began to spill from his lip as he went into a berserkened rage. Fluttershy was crying, and holding her hooves over her face. The vampire went down.

"ENEMIES!" He shouted. "I. NEED. ENEMIES!". He advanced on AJ's assailant, but AJ was quicker. She turned to him, and spat in his face. He screamed, as the garlic clove she'd been chewing coated his face. Distracted, she stole his wand out of his robe, and bucked it into his chest. He disintegrated into ash. She pulled it out, and faced Luna.

I was helpless to assist anypony. Moody advanced on Rarity's attacker. He fled. Until his robes held him up, thanks to Rarity's magic. Spike feverishly wrote a letter. Rainbow Dash was leading hers on a merry chase around the room, as he had no chance of catching up. Fluttershy shivered on the floor. But Pinkie...

Her vampire bit her neck, and drank deep. He stopped after a moment.

A look of surprise crossed his face. As blood trickled out of Pinkie's neck, he stared at his hands. I did too. They started to shake. Soon, it became a full, standing seizure of his body. His extremities blurred. Soon, the terrible friction of it shook him apart, and he burst into flame.

"How..." I gasped at her.

"I guess some people can't handle their sugar." She winked back.

Fluttershy dropped her hooves. A look of terrible rage consumed her face, and she flew up out of my sight. I turned to Luna.

"Even if we fail, Dumbledore and Celestia will find a way to stop you. You can't even throw a dinner party, what makes you think you can conquer the world."

She turned herself to me. "You will give me my proper due, thrall! Dumbledore is a fool, and Celestia..." She caught Applejack, as she tried to stake her.

"I am once more impressed with your knowledge of vampire lore. But I. Am. A. Goddess. You have no more chance against me than an apple against a juicer! Good try, better luck next life!" Luna telekinetically threw Applejack out the face of the clock.

"Noooo!" We screamed.

"YOU WILL PAY!" Gnashed Moody. "YOU'RE A HUGE PONY! I BET YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS! TIME FOR AN AUGURY!" He advanced on her menacingly, near naked, arm in hand. But he didn't get the last laugh.

"What's black, and blue, and deaf and clueless?" Fluttershy asked. She pulled the tied rope with her teeth. It came undone.

From the belltower, the huge copper bell descended. With a deafening 'CLONG' it crushed Luna. It cracked the floor, and fell through a large hole, all the way down. Fluttershy landed next to the hole. Tears fell from her eyes.

"Ding-dong, the bitch is dead." She said. Her face alternated between horror and terrible rage. "Now which one of you do I have to hurt now?" She pleaded. "Do I have to put Twilight down?" she sobbed, and collapsed at the end of the pit.

"I'm so, so sorry." A calmed down Moody said.

"You don't have to hurt anypony, anymore." Applejack said. "You're the kindest pony there is." She hugged Fluttershy. "And that's the honest truth."

"Applejack!" Rarity squealed with delight. "How ever did you survive? Did Dash save you?"

"Nope!" shouted Dash. Her vampire finally cornered her. "Need a hand here!"

Moody threw the arm, and the wand at the end stuck in the vampire's back. The vampire disintegrated to ash.

"You never left a friend hangin'." Said a voice from above. "Always liked that about you. Took far to long to rub off though."

"GILDA?!" Dash landed next to her.

"Dash. I woulda helped in that fight, but I was too tired hauling tubby here up to the top." She pointed at Moody. "You could stand to eat a few less apple pies too, AJ."

We laughed. "How did you meet Moody?" I asked.

"Well, I saw you all gather at the tower, and that woke me up." He absentmindedly scratched his briefs. "I was way short on time to get to here. Couldn't even grab my robes. My eye sees everything, even through walls. When I noticed feathered miss shortcut here, I took a flying leap and deputized her. And granted her a pardon from euthanasia."

"Was that before, or after the part where we tried to kill each other?"

"Details. She feebly got me to the top just in the nick of time."

"I wouldn't be so feeble if you didn't eat so much lard!" Gilda sighed in relief. "But you helped me save Fluttershy after she saved my bacon. I'm glad I could return the favor so soon. Moody, you're in an exclusive club. You're the first human I don't hate."

"YOU HAVE SAVED NOTHING!" A very pissed off looking Luna said from the top of the stairs.

"Moody! I saved this! Catch!" Gilda tossed him his wand.

"Stupefy!" He screamed. A red bolt drove Luna back.

She threw a thunderbolt in his general direction. "Protego!" He put up a shield, nullifying it, but was thrown back. "Petrificus Totalus!" He squeezed off, locking her limbs. She merely frowned, and hit him with another bolt. This time, he was thrown off the building. Gilda and Dash dove after him.

"I am very, very cross with all of you. Especially," She glared. "Fluttershy."

"Twilight! Arise! And drink your fill of your former friends!"

From the corner of my eye, I saw something that gave me hope. With everything in my will, I resisted her.

"No."

"Drink!"

"She said no!" Spike inhaled, and threw a little fireball at her face. It made her face a little sooty. He began hyperventilating.

"Spike said it perfect, black snooty!" Pinkie shouted. "Geranimo!" She bounced toward Luna.

Rarity and Applejack charged too. Luna was blinded by her helmet pulled down over her by Rarity, and Applejack charged with a pencil. Pinkie was bouncing on Luna's back.

"ENOUGH!" A shockwave of energy pulsed from her, and knocked my friends over, and out.

"Twilight, you will drink! And oh, how you will all suffer for weeks for your insolence!"

"No," I said, with my will fading. "I will not drink, not on my last sunrise on Earth." The sun peaked above the mountains, flooding the room with light.