Chapter IV: Shopping Therapy

We were seated around a much smaller table. Dash took the initiative to describe Griffindor. "So. Awesome. Oh, and they have a sport here that even involves flying! I am totally going to join the Gryffindor Quidditch team! I'm going to be the best Chaser ever!"

"You sure you don't mean Seeker? I mean, the way Ginny described it, Seeker sounded more like your cup o' tea." Applejack interrupted.

"No way. I've got me a plan." She tapped the side of her head with a hoof.

"I'm so glad you all enjoyed your respective nights." Rarity said. "Mine was simply dreadful. Spike, would you be a dear, and get me a piece of bread from the great hall?" She batted her eyes at him. He left.

"Did Snape try to murder you in the halls?" I asked.

"No. He didn't say much as he took me to Slytherin." She answered.

"Then it's better than my night." I said. The other ponies gasped.

"That turban guy tried to kill you?" said Rainbow.

"Why I outta!" said AJ.

"Too late." I said. "He won't be bothering me anymore."

"What did you do?" asked Fluttershy.

"Hit him on the head with a suit of armor." I said. "Then he vanished when that Mad-Eye Moody guy touched him." I didn't lie. I merely... omitted the truth.

"You mean that guy who has an eye like Ditzy Doo?" Asked Rainbow.

"The very same." I said.

"That certainly sounds dreadful, but I simply must tell you what happened to me." Said Rarity. "After all, I'm sure you got a sound sleep once you actually made it to Ravenclaw."

"Yeah, I did, come to think of it. My roommate Luna's a little odd, but still nice." I saw their confusion, and cut it off in the bud. "Luna Lovegood. My roommate's a human named Luna Lovegood. Strange coincidence. Anyway, Rarity, you said you didn't even get to sleep?"

"Yes. As I was saying...

Snape rudely brushed me off when I entered the Slytherin common hall. 'Go to room 207. And leave me alone.' The decor was decidedly creepy. The light coming in through the windows was green and murky, and the walls were unadorned stone. Combined with the grim looking paintings, there's no word for it but creepy. Anyhow, I went to room 207. And 'met' my roommates. Spike, fortunately, was out like a light already, and I tucked him into a wastebasket by my bed. I carefully got under my covers. I only saw the one bed in my room, and lots of storage. It was then that one of the oversize footlockers opened up.

It was not a footlocker. It was a coffin. The human within rose up. Goosebumps ran down my legs, and I held myself stock-still. She drank a bottle of dark fluid, I dare not think of what was in it. She knocked on the coffin across the room.

'Hey, Willow, wake up!'

The other coffin opened.

'OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!' she said excitedly.

'Yeah? So?' the first said, blushing.

'Do you like Draco?' she asked as they went out of the room and into the Slytherin common room.

'No I so fucking don't!' she shouted. I could barely hear as they left."

"Stop bein' such a fussbudget!" Said AJ.

"Yeah, that doesn't sound bad." Said Pinkie. "Overexcited, maybe, but not bad."

"Oh, it gets so much worse." Said Rarity.

"Later, the first, who I would learn is either called Ebony or Enoby, returned. She was clearly getting herself ready for some social event. Her choice of attire was unflattering, but I hardly judged her solely on that. She had on black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. She also wore a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. Matching fishnet were on her upper limbs. She straightened her hair and made it look all spiky.

Once she was ready, that's when it happened. She took a razor, and slit one of her wrists. Blood went everywhere. It was then that I noticed. The stones on the floor. They were spotless. But the grout! It was the black of dried blood!

She put on the worst song I've ever heard. No offense, Pinkie, I actually quite enjoyed your little number in Appleloosa, even if the Buffalo did not. She put some smelly chemical solvent upon her nails, painting them black, since she understood a consistent color scheme, if nothing else of fashion. She drank another bottle of whatever substance she had consumed earlier; I'm certain it was blood. You can understand why I did not sleep, even after she left."

We all looked shocked. Spike reentered the room. "Here you are, my lady. The bread you wanted."

"Thank you, Spike. I'm sure the castle's pigeons will appreciate it."

"Ya know," Applejack said. "Them roommates o' yours sound an awful lot like Vampires."

"Vampires?" I asked. "I think this time I'll ask what they are, unlike the Parasprites. Sorry again, Pinkie."

"No problem, Twilight. Everypony makes mistakes from time to time." Pinkie said.

"Well, if I'm the only one who knows about vampires, then I'll give you the long and short of it." AJ continued. "See, vampires are a kinda monster pony, or I guess monster human, who drinks blood. They're dead, like zombie ponies, or mummies. So they're hard to kill. And there's some way they have of turning you into a vampire. Anyhow, if you need to put 'em down for the count, there's a few ways. Sharp wooden stake to the chest, light 'em on fire, shove 'em outside in the sunlight, or chop of their head. Though in general, choppin' off body parts will slow 'em down, at least."

"AJ, how in the hay do you know this gross stuff!?" Asked Rainbow.

"Oh, two years ago, at the Equestrian Agricultural Expo, or EAE, Sweet Apple Acres was set up right next Garlic Clove Grove. Bad sales that year, I tell ya. Anyway, since it was so slow, I got to chattin' with the owner and his son, Clove Chopper and Stake Stabber. I thought the names were weird for ponies, even if they were Lippizaners. So, anyway, those two moonlighted as vampire hunters, seein' as how vampires have a powerful hate for the smell of garlic."

"Sounds like somepony has a coltfriend!" Rainbow teased.

"I do not! Stake Stabber was just a bit too old for me. Besides, vampire huntin' is a dangerous job that don't pay well. Also, accordin' to them, Equestria has very few vampires to begin with, Celestia sleeps in just enough to catch vampires in a surprise sunrise all the time."

"Well, that's certainly food for thought. I wonder if these humans consider vampires a pest as well. Or possibly a disease. Or if they just ignore them." I said.

"Enough about vampires! Rarity's roommates are just jerks! Like some creatures I know..." Rainbow said. "We've heard about Rarity's night, Twilight's night, and even AJ and me. How was Hufflepuff, Fluttershy?"

"Oh, it was nice."

"And your roommate?" asked Rainbow.

"Oh, Miss Abbot is nice."

"C'mon, Fluttershy! You gotta give us more than just that!" said an exasperated Rainbow, flying above the table.

"No, seriously, she was nice, Dashie." Said Pinkie Pie. "She didn't let me throw a party, but she helped us set up our beds, and she even had these tasty jellybeans!" She took out one, and ate it. "Mmm! Jalapeno!"

"Fine. I guess I can't say that much about Ginny yet, either." Rainbow said.

"But I can sure say somethin' about her family. First, she's got almost as many brothers as I've got cousins. Second, they are one rambunctious clan, those Weasleys. Fred and George would be right up your alley, Pinkie Pie, they pull a prank as good as you." Applejack put her hoof under her chin before continuing. "But that Ron, or Diabolo, as he calls himself now, he's acting a mite strange. That boy ain't right, I hear tell."

"Maybe he's a vampire now. I hope you brought enough garlic from your coltfriend!" Rainbow teased.

"He ain't. my. coltfriend!"

"Rainbow, please!" I shouted. "Anyway, we only have a limited time to get ready for Hogsmeade. We have to pick up clothes, and other supplies for school. And I left my bits back in my room. Let's get ready, and meet back here in half an hour."

So we did. It took a while, but I figured out the way to Ravenclaw tower. Applejack apparantly sent Rainbow to fly to Gryffindor to get her supply of bits, and Rarity called hers 'acceptable losses', as she really did not want to go back to Slytherin. Pinkie and Fluttershy apparantly didn't bring any bits.

We gathered together, and joined the rest of the students on their way to Hogsmeade.

Hogsmeade was a quaint little village. If it wasn't for the shale and rock that went into the buildings instead of plaster and thatch, I'd be reminded of Ponyville.

"First thing's first." Said Rarity, shivering. "We must find some clothing. Rules are rules."

"Leave it to you to be obsessed over clothes." accused Rainbow.

"Hey! It's cold out. Don't you go pickin' a fight with Rarity!" AJ yelled.

"Girls, please." I said. "I have a list, and a plan of attack. If we just follow it, we'll be done, and ready to go back to Hogwarts in no time. Wait, where's Pinkie?"

She was gone. Fluttershy spoke up. "She said something about party supplies, and ran that way." She pointed down one of the many side alleys. Great. Pinkie was lost. I held my head with a hoof.

"Ok, if we follow what's left of my plan, we'll be ready to find Pinkie Pie in no time. Let me lay it out for you."

The plan was simple.

1. Hogsmeade Post Office, to change our money.

2. Gladrags Wizardwear, for warm clothes.

3. Ollivander's Wands, since we need a wand, for some reason.

4. Tomes and Scrolls, for our course books.

5. Spintwitches, for Quidditch equipment for Rainbow Dash.

And then we try to catch Pinkie at Zonko's Joke Shop, or Honeydukes.

"Follow me, girls! We can get this done in no time!" They all looked at me funny, rolled their eyes, then followed me. They must have been overwhelmed by my organizing skills.

The people in the streets gave us a wide berth. We opened the doors to the post office, and walked up to the clerk. He ignored us. I cleared my throat.

"Eh-hem!"

He ignored me.

"EH-HEM!"

He walked over to the dividing glass, and pressed his face up against it, to get enough of an angle to look down at me. "Oh, didn't see you there. Hold on a minute." He opened a door, and stepped through to meet me. "Name, and business?"

"My name is Twilight Sparkle. And I am looking to exchange money."

"Oh? Pounds? Francs? Galleons?"

"Equestrian Bits!"

"Huh? Never heard of 'em. Are they metal or paper?"

"They're gold."

"In theory, I could send 'em off to Gringotts, and get them tested, but that would take days, miss. Wait, you said you were Twilight Sparkle, correct?"

"Yes..."

"Ah, then it should be no problem. A 'Princess Celestia' left a money order for you. Let me go get it." The clerk bowed, and left me to go in the back. He returned a minute later with two heavy bags. "Here you are, a sum of... Eight hundred, thirty six Galleons. Don't spend it all in one place."

"Is that a lot?"

"It's about four months salary for me. Watch yourself, little pony, that's a lot of money to carry around, especially down some of the darker alleys, if you catch my drift."

"Is there anywhere I could keep it?"

"I could rent you a safety deposit box."

So that's what I did. I filled out the forms, and walked out of the post office with a mere two hundred galleons. More than enough to buy our supplies.

"So, Twi, how much is a bit worth 'round these parts?" Asked AJ.

"I never found out. It would take too long to convert it, apparantly." I answered.

AJ sighed. "These saddlebags aren't getting any lighter..."

We went across the village, to Gladrags Wizardwear. Rarity ran ahead, and entered the building first. She was pushed back out the door by a construction worker.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CLOSED!?" She shouted.

"This building is not safe! Nobody but workers allowed in!"

"But I must buy clothing! It is so cold out!"

"Look, I don't care. Even if you had some kinda pony hard hat, this building is in danger of collapse. Some damn chamber opened up under it, and the foundation is shaky. We have to shore it up! Besides, the owner moved their entire inventory out to a warehouse, there's no clothes here to buy. You can try either of those new places at the end of town."

"New places?" I asked. "I didn't see any mention of them on my map."

"Yeah, Hot Topic, and American Eagle Outfitters. Can't miss 'em. They really... stand out. Don't know who they bribed to get their stores built in this historic district, but it doesn't really matter now. Now would you ladies kindly leave my workplace before the MOM-SHO throws my *** in Azkaban?"

"Come on, Rarity, I'm sure those stores will be fine." Said Fluttershy.

"But they'll lack the old-world charm of a little clothes shoppe!" She sniffled. "And think of all the bargains! Lost, forever... And the forgotten styles! Oh, there's nothing like hunting in the back of an old clothing store."

Fluttershy comforted the overdramatic Rarity, as we trudged onward to the end of town. Hot Topic and American Eagle were certainly hard to miss. I could sense them with a variant of Rarity's gemfinding spell. They were made of much shoddier materials, some kind of sintered, hollow block, fronted with plaster sheet, and then painted and paneled, with some kind of composite glue/wood fiber mix. Very simple flat roofs of asphalt and concrete covered them. American Eagle had a bland signpost, and the Hot Topic had a much more garish sign, with red lighting from some kind of gas-discharge tube.

"So, which one do we go in first?" Asked Rainbow.

"I think," Rarity steeled herself. "The American Eagle Outfitters. A bit generic, but we need some essentials."

"And then to the Hot Topic?" I asked.

"Yes... and then... to the Hot... Topic." was her distant reply. "I was wondering what store exploded on Enoby. I don't think I like the answer."

Once we got in the stores, Rarity was 'in the zone'. She said she didn't 'care for the clothes', but that they were 'raw materiel'. Eventually, I called together a little conference of everyone else.

"This is taking too long." I said.

"Darn tootin!" Said AJ.

"Listen, here's the plan. AJ, Dash, split off and go to Spintwitches. Rarity has all our measurements, and you know what Quidditch equipment you'll need. Spike, Fluttershy, stay with Rarity, and try to rein her in. I'll take care of our wands and books."

"Pay up, sugarcube!" AJ said to Dash.

"I should have known." She said as she handed a few bits to AJ.

"What was that all about?" I asked.

"Um, er, well, Sorry Twilight. AJ bet me you'd find some excuse to split off and do some reading."

"Very funny." I said. "But this is best way to ensure we get back to Hogwarts on time. Oh, and I really don't need to repeat this, but if any of you finds Pinkie, try to get her back here. We'll regroup with Fluttershy when we're done."

I made my way to Ollivander's first. The shop was deserted. And creepy. Room after room, shelf after shelf, were pigeonholes filled with boxes of wands. I unpacked one, and had a look.

"Ah, that is an interesting one there. Used solely for transfiguration, by the Smythes, a well established wizarding family. Eight and a half inches. Lignum Vitae. Unicorn Core."

I dropped it. "What?" I turned to face the man who just entered the room. When he saw me fully, he too was shocked. But not as much as when I lifted him off the floor with telekinesis, and shoved him against the far shelves. "What do you mean, Unicorn Core?"

"Hair." He gasped. "Small amount, in the tip of the wand." he choked out.

I let him go. "A haircut better be the only thing you do to unicorns." I said.

"What are you doing here? It's clear you don't need a wand, so I cannot help you."

"Yes, you can." I said. "I am Twilight Sparkle. My teacher, Princess Celestia has enrolled me in Hogwarts. And according to the rules, I need a wand, as do my friends."

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Interesting. I may have an idea. Are all of your friends unicorns, like yourself?"

"No, Rainbow Dash is a pegasus, and Pinkie Pie's an earth pony, and..."

"Are any of your friends wizards, was what I meant to ask."

"No."

"Then, as I said, wands are useless to you. Normally, I would ask to see each of your friends, and find the wand that would be just right for them. But instead, I will just sell you ash wand blanks. Or... perhaps..."

"Yes?"

"I could sell you malfunctioning, cursed, or otherwise unsellable wands. If a wizard disarms you, and takes your wand in the heat of combat, to use against you, it would be to his sorrow."

"I think I'll just take the blanks, thanks."

"A pity. I've been looking to unload the Baleful Branch of Bloated Bart for ages now. Let alone the Withering Wand. But blanks it is, and all I ask is the price I pay for them. How many?

"Six."

"That will be three sickles, twelve knuts."

I handed him a galleon, and he got me change.

"Before you go, do you need a haircut?" Ollivander asked.

I gave him an icy stare. He smiled. "It never hurts to ask. And I meant it in jest, really. I cannot wait to hear of your exploits in Hogwarts. Which House were you sorted into, by the way?"

"Ravenclaw."

"Ahh, some of my fondest days were spent in Ravenclaw tower myself. May yours be twice as happy. Good day, Miss Sparkle."

"Goodbye, Mister Ollivander."

I had a list to fill out at Tomes and Scrolls. My telekinesis was straining under the load of six copies of the required reading. History took three books, Defense Against the Dark Arts had two, Care of Magical Creatures, one living or animated book. (Seriously? All of these wizards are crazy!) Herbology, Potions and Divination, one each. Finally, Charms required two. All told, sixty-six books were floating in a ball in front of me, and I hadn't even started looking for some extracurricular reading.

My manic scanning of the shelves was interrupted. "Need an extra hoof with the books?" I turned around. It was Luna!

Sort of. I may not understand a lot about fashion, but she was wearing some kind of black, stretchy garments garnished with lace, and black stockings. She even seemed to have black lipstick. With her dark blue coloration this actually looked good.

"Luna! I'm so happy to see you here! I have so many questions for you!"

"And I have so very many answers for you, my sister's little protoge, but I don't go by Luna anymore."

I was confused. "What should I call you then?"

"Nightmare Artemis Sin." She rolled her eyes, and smiled a wicked smile as she said it.

"Nightmare? Oh no! Have you turned against Equestria again?"

"Hahahahaha!" She laughed. "That's for me to know, and you to find out. Why don't you gather your friends this evening, and meet me at the top of Hogwart's clock tower at midnigt? Why, I'll even be fair, and get you your silly little trinkets. I mailed you and your friends the Elements of Harmony this morning, they should be delivered to your rooms by the time you return. Now, what were those questions you wanted to ask? I'll answer three more."

"Err, um..." I panicked.

Her mane came briefly alive, and she stroked my chin with it. I blushed in shock and shuddered in fear, as memories of Nightmare Moon came back to me. My stomach became unsettled. "What's the matter, my little unicorn? Nervous? Cat got your tongue? Don't worry, just relax and let it all come out. You'll find I'm very, very patient. Take all the time you need."

It took me a few seconds, but the mixed messages confused me enough to clear my head, at last. "Moondancer is running Equestria, and needs your help!" I blurted out.

"Not a question. But don't worry. Celestia and I will handle it. That's one down."

"Where have you been all year long? And where have you and Celestia been all day yesterday?"

"That should be three questions, but I'll cut you a little slack. I was away, studying how the land had changed over a thousand years. And making certain preparations. Once Celestia told me of her trip here, I knew I had to join her. As for the past day? I've been mainly asleep, then attending to some... business matters here. And sitting in this quaint little shop, waiting for you. So I could give you your invitation to my little get-together this evening. I do so look forward to seeing you and your friends again."

"Okay... That was... not illuminating."

"I am the Princess of the Night, after all, my little Twilight."

"Has anypony ever told you you're a little creepy?" I said without thinking. I covered my mouth right afterward with my hooves.

The smile died on her face. "A few. Long ago." She shook her head briefly. "But not lately. Most ponies aren't courageous enough to tell a Princess she's in error. Perhaps Equestria has truly changed for the better... but I digress. You had a third question. Ask it."

"What was with the 'special gift' you gave me at breakfast?"

"Oh, ho ho! Celestia told me you were a clever one. That is... a traditional breakfast food here. And I wanted to give you a proper English welcome. Even if meat isn't something ponies usually eat. I'm sorry if it offended you, but I felt getting you acclimated to the... culture here might be useful. But look at the time. I have to take care of a few things. I look forward to our 'little play-date' this evening. Ta-ta!"

She teleported away, before I could even say goodbye. I left the store in a panic, before returning, and buying our coursebooks.

"Heya, Twilight. Luna was sure acting funny, wasn't she."

"Hi Pinkie Pie." I lost concentration, and the books flew all over. "Pinkie Pie! Wait, when did you meet Luna?"

"She just teleported into the alley. I was right next to her, and she was all surprised to see me. She just flew off afterwards. But what's with her clothes?" Pinkie was one to talk. She had an arrow through her head, joke glasses and a nose (which I never understood until I came to this world, and saw a human), and bags full of other joke paraphanelia, most of which was wriggling around.

"I don't know, Pinkie. When she talked to me, she called herself 'Nightmare Artemis Sin'. This is bad."

"I'll say it's bad, all right. That is a terrible name."

"Where were you, anyway, Pinkie? I think I'll need all the girls together if she's gone bad again."

"Twilight, you would not believe the pranks I can pull with what was in Zonko's. And the candy! I got this at Honeydukes just for you! You gotta try it!"

She handed me a brown frog. Why are ponies trying to get me to eat meat today?

"It's chocolate!" She said, enticing me.

"Fine." I said. I went to take a bite, and the frog hopped away. I screamed.

"Pinkie!" I yelled. "I hate frogs! And snakes! Why would I eat a chocolate one?"

"Twilight," she sighed. "I hoped you would like biting a snake, or a frog, and not the other way around. I guessed wrong. But that's ok! I have lots more cool, magic candies for everypony to try!"

"Wait, how did you pay... you know what, forget I asked. Let's go get the rest of the girls. We have to come up with a plan for Luna."

"Artemis."

"I refuse to call her that."

I gathered our books back up off the street, and we went back to the square by the clothing stores. It looked like Rarity was done, and Dash and Applejack had returned.

"We can't sit around here in this street!" Pinkie said. "Twilight wants to have a meeting, and I know the perfect place! Follow me!" She vanished down a street, and we followed.

We walked into the dark, stained wooden building she entered. 'The Leaky Cauldron' was marked on the advertising shingle outside. We sat oddly (aside from Spike) at the booth Pinkie was already seated at.

"I don't think this is an improvement on the street." Dash complained, as she wriggled on the bench.

"For once, I am in complete agreement." Said Rarity.

"Check out the menu! This place looks great!" Spike spoke up.

"That's why I brought you here. Plus, Twilight usually uses a full table when she's planning." said Pinkie

"Plannin' what, exactly?" AJ's eyebrow was raised, under her hat.

I spelled out the whole situation with my odd encounter with Luna.

"Whoo-ee, is that a tough nut to crack. Sure do wish we had the Elements with us."

"But that's just the thing." I said. "We'll have them this afternoon, if the mail arrives. If she's gone bad, why would she give them to us?"

"This is just like when Discord was taunting us." Fluttershy fit in during a short silence.

"It is, isn't it." I said. "So this sounds like a trap."

"So we need a plan B." We all gave Rainbow a weird look. "What?" she shouted.

"I don't know about y'all, but I don't work, or think so hot on an empty stomach. Maybe we should all get some lunch?"

"You read my mind, Applejack." said Spike. "This 'steak and guiness platter' thing they have sounds interesting." I took it away from him after he ordered it. More meat? And alcohol? No. Just no.

So we ate lunch, and tried to come up with another plan for dealing with Luna, if she was Nightmare Moon, and if she was somehow protected from the Elements. We didn't come up with much. We would have several hours to kill at the castle before midnight, and most of my friends had plans for them. Rarity would be modifying clothes for us all, Dash was going to a Quidditch practice, AJ with her again. Pinkie had a party to prepare for, and Fluttershy was going to try to see the creatures kept for the 'Care of Magical Creatures' class. I figured my only shot was to see if the Wizards had any dangerous artifacts around to even our odds against the full might of Nightmare Moon, by taking a look through the library.

We returned to the castle, and did just that. The library was a complete bust. Plenty of interesting old enchanted artifacts, but nothing that seemed tailor made for the situation at hand. I couldn't manage to find the Headmaster's office to see if I could reach Celestia either. So, I gathered with my friends at our table outside the great hall shortly before dinner.

"So, how did it all go? Because my party is all set up!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"A complete bust. I don't have a plan B. But I do have the tiara. Everypony else got their element?" I asked. And got a group nod in reply.

"That's a shame." Said AJ. "Things went well enough for Rainbow. You wanna tell it, or can I?"

"You can." She said. "I kinda wanna hear how awesome I am from another pony's mouth."

AJ Rolled her eyes. "I got in an argument with Dash back in Spintwitches. See, ya need a few supplies for Quidditch. Quaffle ball, team uniform, and a flyin' broomstick. Dash got a ball and a uniform. And how is it comin' along, anyhow, Rarity?"

"I've finished it, and a full set of school uniforms for the rest of us, even if it was taxing without a sewing machine." She sighed. "I think I'll nap through dinner, I'm afraid."

"Anyhow," AJ continued. "Dash didn't buy a broomstick. I was plum confused, but she said she had a clever plan. I mean, I could see why, a broomstick's like eighty galleons, but still."

"You might need a broomstick," Dash taunted. "But I got these babies." She kissed one of her wings. "Hey, why didn't you go for a tryout? You're a great athlete, you'd just need a broomstick?"

"Flyin' through the air ain't my idea of a good time, Sugarcube. Besides, I looked at the rules, 'specially after that stunt you pulled at the practice. If I could use a lasso, I'd be right up there in the sky with 'ya, but that's explicitly against the rules. So, it looks like Quidditch just isn't the sport for me."

"What stunt she pulled? Was it a prank?" Asked Pinkie.

"Says in the official Quidditch Rulebook," Began AJ. "That every player needs a broomstick. Don't say nothin' about it bein a magic broomstick. So, Rainbow's eighty galleons richer, and the janitor's closet's one old, spindly broomstick shorter." AJ and Dash began laughing, followed shortly by Pinkie.

"Isn't that stealing?" I asked.

"I left two bits, I mean galleons where the broom was. That should be enough, right?" Dash asked, a little worried.

"As I was saying," Said AJ. "Dash has the worst broomstick in the world, and no uniform, and she just struts onto the field like she owns the place, and walks right up to Madame Hooch,"

Pinkie interrupted. "OOH! I thought we were the only ponies here? What's she like!"

AJ shook her head. "Another wizard. The Quidditch coach. Just happens to have the same name as great-uncle Hooch, back in Apple-achia. It's no coincidence he's as orange as me, 'course. Anyhow, Madame Hooch takes one look at Dash's equipment, and tells her to get off the field. I beg her to give Dash a shot, and she tells us to convince the Gryffindor captain. And $CAPTAIN agrees, after a whole lot of persuadin', and Dash takes to the skies."

"The last of the bristles fall off the broom, and Dash is just carrying a stick in her mouth. And she waits. They send those nasty bludger thingies at her, but she dodges easy. And finally, they pass her the Quaffle. Once that happens, I can finally see Dash's plan. She just barely catches it, 'cause it ain't designed for hooves, of course. And she just goes rocketing away with it, fast as, well, Dash. And she stops short in front of one of the hoops, right outside where you're supposed to, so you can try to make a goal."

"That Quaffle thingy didn't stop. Flew from her hooves like a cannonball. Way too fast for the keeper to do anything, and went through the hoop. Dash flies around, and grabs it on the other side. And she just hogs the Quaffle. Keeps scoring, easy as you please. And lickety-split. Ten points every twenty seconds. It was regular enough, and actually kinda boring, so I decided to look at the big clock."

"Boring? Boring! What the hay, AJ?" Dash shouted.

"You just kept doin' the same thing! Regular as a machine! Effective, sure, but boring!"

"Fine, I'll mix it up a little at the next match, because I made the team, naturally. Add in a little fancy flying."

"So, how'd your trip to the creatures go, Fluttershy?" Asked AJ.

"It didn't." She closed her eyes as she meekly replied.

"Oh, no, what went wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh, I asked for her help hanging some of the banners and confetti pots." Pinkie said.

"I just didn't get a chance to go yet." Fluttershy said.

"Oh, wait, I know! Since you helped me, I'll go with you when you go look at the creatures." Pinkie said.

"That actually sounds kind of interesting." I said. "And I could use a break from studying to think."

"Well, I'll be getting some beauty sleep. Outside of Slytherin" Said Rarity, shuddering.

"I'll keep watch for you, milady." Spike said.

"Ditto. Quidditch makes you tired." Rainbow added.

"I'll go with y'all too. I can't find my way 'round these parts, otherwise I'd probably try for that herbology place. Since I've seen applesauce at breakfast, there's bound to be new varieties here."

We went to the girl's bathroom, and donned our school uniforms. When we emerged, Spike got a nosebleed. I told him to stop picking it, while Fluttershy tried to stop the bleeding.

There were no announcements during dinner. And I made doubly sure not to eat anything that wasn't vegetative in nature. The atmosphere of the room was fairly subdued, most students seemed more interested in chowing down, rather than talking. We largely talked to the humans around us. Padma and Luna were filling me in on some of the recent news, like Quirrel's second death, his first death, the Sorceror's Stone, the troll, the Chamber of Secrets, Sirius Black, and many other dangerous events that had happened in recent years.