Alright, so here I am in this busted-up fortress, with at least two virtual goddesses out for my blood. Things can't seem to get worse, right? Well, I sure felt pretty safe in here. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that Celestia is still up there, trying to wait me out. I can hear her calling and taunting, but what good does that do? Any smart person would run away from all that noise, but she must think I'm either dumb or egotistical. Well, she's wrong on both counts. So there I wait, for what likely seems like hours. A while in, though, she stops making noise. I stop and listen, though there isn't much to hear, and peek at the entrance. It's the middle of the day, but nothing's moving. So, I poke my head out. Still, there was nothing. So, I take my first, hesitant steps outside. I step outside, and, by some grace of god, nothing shoots, tackles, or hunts me.

"Alright, I think she gave up." I say, wondering why someone as tenacious-looking as Celestia would give up the hunt so easily. Then suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, a white beam misses my leg by inches. I hear loud cursing behind me, but I don't turn to see who it is; I already know. Instead, I skip straight to running, and I almost make it to the entrance to wherever I was hiding, but a bolt of magic hits my polished gauntlet, reflecting off of it, but knocking me on my ass. Worse yet, The bolt lands smack-dab into none other than Celestia herself, turning her white ass to stone before I can say "Oh, shit!". So yes, Here I am, knocked down, but feeling fine, except I just insulted, assaulted, and petrified this omnipotent leader of pony world or whatever.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap..." I pant as I run to the lawn ornament that once was a princess. "Oh, CRAP." I say finally, unable to believe my position. If anyone found this, they were going to probably blame me.

"It could be alright..." I try to reason, but all was hopeless. An important character has been stoned, and I had to get out of that place, lest her sister or something come and vaporize me, or worse. But I did not run, like I should have, but instead, I walked up to the statue, tapping it on the shoulder a few times.

"Oh, hell, she really IS stone! Oh, this isn't good, this isn't good... How the fuck am I going to pull this off..." Then, a brilliant idea pops into my head: I return her! The plan was simple: I drag her back to wherever she came from, I say someone else did it, and then they stop hunting me down like game! My plan was absolutely genius!... Except that it wasn't because I'm a moron.

"Gah, I just wanted to enjoy a party, not get sucked into this!" I then take off my helmet, looking at it.

"This is all your fault!" I yell, throwing the helmet into the ground. Looking around, I was completely alone, save for Celestia, who wasn't very good company at the moment. Then, I thought of something: I was one step closer to gaining magic of my own. Maybe if I depetrified Celestia, she wouldn't obliterate me. However, She had to see Malideus do it, or it would fail. Let me tell you, I think my hole is deep enough, and I don't want this on the bottom. Seeing no point in telling Celestia to wait there, I pick up my helmet and then make the return to Mizzietta's lair. I reach it by sundown, and prepare to make the exchange.

"Yo, Mizzy, you home? I brought your necklace!" I shout. However, No one seems to be home. Suddenly, I get this really icky feeling up my spine, like I know something bad has happened or is going to happen. I notice that there are scorch marks and scratches along the walls and floor, and it looks bad. Then, I see something else: The Alicorn Amulet, lying on the ground. I knew then and there that something happened to Mizzietta, and her uncle Bolas wasn't gonna be able to bail her out of this one. On one hand, I now had the key to ultimate power, and whatever happened to her was not my concern. On the other hand, however, I kept getting this sinking feeling that I might at at least owe her her own necklace first.

"Ugh, this guilty conscious thing is going to be the death of me..." I say, picking up the amulet and walking back to where I left the princess of the sun, which probably took me an hour thanks to the fucking darkness. Seriously, I hate the woods at night. As I approach the area, I look around until I see the alabaster statue of Celestia. Then, I walk up to it, and look at the amulet. In all my experience with RPGs, I figure all I have to do is put it on, But how will I know if it works? Or, more importantly, is it going to be painful? Putting my helmet back on, I proceed to eye the amulet suspiciously. Did it even work on humans, or was I going to explode if I wore it? I was really tempted at that point to just hide in a cave and forget this crazy world, but my inner voice, ever the white knight, made me put it on. Besides, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? So I put the amulet on, and I flinch, thinking that I'm going to explode, or transform, or some other horrible thing, but nothing happens. I look around, then at myself, and I don't feel any different.

"Ah, dammit." I say simply. "Well, I guess it doesn't work, might as well take it... off?" I said, trying to remove the piece of jewelry, but it wouldn't budge. The thing just stuck to my neck like it was welded on.

"Come on, it's cursed? What the hell, god?" I asked. I was so furious at that point, I felt like my mind was going to explode, and I stomped the ground with so much force, I almost break my foot. Then, a colossal spire of rock thrusts up from the ground, sending drops of molten rock here and there, and big chunks of earth everywhere. I flew backwards in shock, then looked at my feet, then at my hands, and put on the widest grin I had in years. If this meant what I thought it meant, I was going to have so much fun in the next 24 hours. Seeing this as an opportunity to get some answers about the whereabouts of Mizzietta, I turned to Petrified Celestia, and prodded the rock, willing it to be flesh again. Well, part of it. As Celestia's head unpetrified, She gasped, then looked around bewilderedly, and finally set her glare on me.

"You! What have you done? Release me this instant!" She demanded, struggling. It was at that moment that my inner bad guy swelled, demanding release, but I had to be civil if I wanted any answers.

"I think not, princess." I hissed, pacing around the princess of the sun. "You see, I'd much like not to be obliterated, and I find myself needing answers." I finished, stopping right in front of her, trying to look as intimidating as possible.

"You'll get nothing from me, you coward. I won't betray anything to the likes of you." Celestia retorted unhelpfully, but I ignored her.

"Oh, but you will help, for I have a friend who's been taken, and I believe you know something about it." I said, chuckling evilly. Oh, this was so much fun! Who knew being evil could feel so good?

"If you're talking about the dragon, I'm not telling you her whereabouts. She will face trial for aiding you, and she will be executed." Celestia replied, making me quite unhappy.

"Well, then, if you will not be of any assistance, then maybe your student will." I said, preparing to encase her head in stone again.

"You will not harm one more hair on her mane! I will not allow it!" Celestia demanded, struggling harder against her stone prison. Call me twisted, but I laughed at the pathetic display.

"Really, now? Then stop me. Smite me right where I stand if you wish to save your precious student." I taunted. Celestia grimaced, turned a bright shade of red, then calmed down.

"You won't defeat her. Not this time. You may have incapacitated me, but you won't get that liberty again." Celestia said coldly, giving me a death glare that would likely have actually killed me if I was regular me. However, I maintained my composure, and simply continued my little game.

"Is that so? Well, allow me to relieve you of that delusion." I said, tapping her head. Celestia flinched, but then she seemed to realize that the stone was fading away, not building up. Soon, she fell over, completely free of her stone prison. Then she looked at me, completely and utterly confused.

"What..? What is this? What are you doing, wizard?" Celestia asked, glaring down at me.

"Perhaps I forgot to depetrify your brain. I have freed you, princess. Now, I can have the satisfaction of crushing you, again, and again, and again, until I tire of you." I said to her, and she seems to get real pissed at that.

"Not this time, Malideus." She said, casting a spell at me. I dodged it quite nimbly, surprising both Celestia and myself, then cast a spell of my own that froze her hands and horn in chunks of ice.

"Ready to tell me where Mizzietta is now, Princess?" I asked, ready to finish her.

"Why... Why are you doing this..? What have we ever done to you?" Celestia pleaded. I thought on this for a second, stunned by the question. True, I hated these ponies, but why? Then I thought of something else: Why not?

"A simple question deserves a simple answer, my dear: I do this because I hate you. All of you." I said truthfully. "Now, I must ask you once more: Where. Is. Mizzietta?" I asked, ready to end her if she defied me further.

"Canterlot... Dungeons. But you'll never reach her. The others will stop you. You will fail." Celestia said. I just chuckled at it as if it were a joke.

"We shall see, princess." I said, placing my hand around her neck and squeezing, but lightly so I didn't strangle her. "Now, sleep." I said, and an eerie blue glow came from my hand, and Celestia passed out within seconds.

"Now, let's go visit your sister." I said, dragging her along with me. Did I ever tell you how much I love this amulet? Anyway, so I now am dragging this sleeping goddess toward Ponyville right now, because I have no clue where Canterlot is. But hey, gotta start somewhere, right? So I drag this sap toward Ponyville, and the reactions I get when I arrive make me so happy, I blush. Everywhere, people are gathering, gasping and pointing at Celestia's unconscious body, and then turning their fearful gazes to me, and my amulet. Yeah, It's a really cool amulet, and everyone seems to know that. However, I suddenly get a bad, icky feeling up my spine again, that feeling like something bad is going to happen. And sure enough, here come five of the Mane 6: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. However, one was standing behind the others, shaking like a leaf. The girl wore a long yellow dress, had a pink mane, and looked ready to piss herself at any second. I'm guessing this one was Fluttershy.

"Well, I see they brought me the welcoming committee. What, no gift basket?" I taunted.

"Malideus, This is it for you!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, pointing at me.

"Yeah! We're gonna beat you all kinds o' red now, ya varmint!" Applejack threatened.

"Your road ends here, wizard! Surrender peacefully, or risk defeat at our hands!" Rarity said, making me gag just hearing it.

"Yeah! What they said!" Said Pinkie finally. However, Fluttershy just stood there, still shaking and whimpering as she eyed the unconscious body of Celestia. I, however, laughed harder than I ever had before, causing the five to back up.

"You idiots think you can stop me? I am Malideus, the Scourge Eternal! I have power, skill, and sufficient armor on my side! You girls have nothing!" I ranted. Yeah, it was a pretty cliche' speech, but it did its job: The five mares in front of me got pretty flustered over it.

"We don't have nothing! We got-" Rainbow Dash began, but I interrupted her.

"You have what? The "Magic of Friendship"?" I mocked, waving my hands like I was scared.

"You don't know what you're up against, friend. I suggest you just surrender before you get hurt." Applejack threatened.

"Ha ha ha ha... No." I said, waving my hand in a sweeping motion, causing a gale-force wind to knock the five away from me. As I tried to walk past them, the cyan one gets up and tries to punch me, but I catch her fist, then I freeze her in a solid chunk of ice. On that note, three others charge me (Fluttershy stayed down like a good little pony), and I react accordingly: Rarity tries to kick me, so I grab her leg. Applejack goes and tries to lasso me, so I swing Rarity into the lasso, grabbing it, and then I pull the redneck into my waiting fist using the rope. I think I've won by that point, but Pinkie Pie appears out of nowhere and latches to my back, punching my helmet with little visible effect, except that it's annoying the fuck out of me. So, I grab her hand, then loose an entire thunderstorm into her body, sending her to the ground in smoke. She coughs once, twitches, then gives up. Unfortunate that it didn't kill her. Then, I look to where Fluttershy was, and she's gone! I look around for her, but then someone puts their arms around by neck in an effort to choke me, and kicks my legs out from under me, pulling my arms behind my back and sitting on me so I don't get up. I look at my attacker and see the last thing I expected: Fluttershy. However, I still had one ace left.

"I'm going to teach you a thing or two about hurting my friends..." Fluttershy threatened.

"No, I don't think so. GOBLADA!" I shout, and a giant, black, stone blade erupts from the ground behind me, stabbing Fluttershy through the abdomen, intentionally missing all vital organs. I didn't want to kill her, after all... yet. As the blade retreats back into the ground, Fluttershy grasps the wound, gasping for air. She then falls off of my back, still trying to hold her guts in. I then get up, the absolute victor. I then walk over to Fluttershy, who was barely alive, and use a flame spell to cauterize her wound. Then, I pick her up by her neck, and begin the questioning:

"Where is Twilight?" I ask her.

"Not here... In... In the c... castle..." Fluttershy gasps, coughing up some blood.

"Which Direction is it?" I ask, and she points to the north, along the train tracks. I then drop the half-dead mare, and walk to the station, leaving the five to their fates.

As I approach the station Celestia in tow, everyone clears out and flees for their lives. I then boarded the train as it took off, hopefully toward Canterlot. So, now it gets funny. I'm sitting here, in this train, and everyone's looking at me like I'm a terrorist. Hell, I see ponies out the corner of my vision slowly going for emergency hammers so they can break the windows if I decide to start smiting. Which I guess I might, kind of, except I have no intention of blowing the train up. After all, I kinda need it to save someone. Hmph. Save. Not a particularly villainous word. But, there it is. Finally, after a good three hours, everyone piles off in a last-ditch effort to get as far away from me as possible. It works, but only because none of them are my target. I then hoist Celestia over my shoulder (Fuck, she weighs a lot!) and storm off, toward the castle, ready to face whoever stood in my way. Well, almost. I wasn't too keen on facing off with Luna, but I could handle anyone or anything else. Besides, I was only here for one person: Mizzietta. So, I walked on, Towards the great, big, towering castle in the middle of the city.

I must admit, I was vastly impressed with the size of the city. The architecture was classic, and everything looked really nice and tidy and peaches-and-cream happy. Too bad I have to level it all. Anyways, on with the story. I was walking along my merry way, when I see the main gate to the castle. As soon as I touch it however, the gate opens, revealing a whole metric fuck-ton of guards, all with swords and spears ready. I'm not scared of them or anything, but I'm kind of trying to save a "friend" of mine, so I have to hurry.

"Oh, crap, Why not just throw me on the pavement and throw a steamroller on me?!" I ask to no one in particular. Then, the guards zerg rush me, trying to crush me with their weight. However, I foresaw this from a mile away, and readied the perfect spell for this occasion:

"How hopeless. PYROCLASM!!!" I shout, thrusting my fist into the air. As soon as I did, a colossal pillar of magma, fire and ash at least 100 feet in diameter erupted from the ground, clouding the sky with ash and sulfur and vaporizing the rush of guards. As I walk by, I see one intact helmet.

"Silly guards. Zerg rush is not a legitimate tactic." I said before crushing the helmet. Then, I continue onward, toward my goal. Then, The following happens: I walk up to the door, I blast it down, and I walk inside. It's a pretty nice place, too white for my tastes, but very clean. Then, I proceed down some stairs, and after THREE FUCKING HOURS of fruitless exploration, I finally see my goal: A big, cast-iron door that looked particularly dungeony. I'm almost tempted to just leave on account of the work it took to find this door. Seriously, the halls seemed to go nowhere! However, I powered through, and stepped into the dungeon. It was perfect: Dank, dark, infested with rats, this was a good dungeon. However, I was not here to sightsee, I was here for the dragon. However, a guard sees me, and I think I have to kill him, too, but then he drops his weapons and throws me his keys before I can even say hi. So, the guard bails, and I search for Mizzy. Finally, I come across this big steel door, and decide that this has to be it. So, I open the door... And there she is, easy as that.

"Maly, you came back for me. How sweet." She said happily. I was okay with the happiness, but I was here for one thing.

"Here's your necklace." I say, tossing it to her.

"You remembered this? You're just full of surprises." Mizzietta noted, putting the necklace on. Suddenly, she shrunk down to about my height, and somehow obtained a very womanly figure in the process... Not that I was looking, of course. Anyway, she was out of her chains, and I was ready to leave. However, I then hear Mizzietta say something that caused me to facepalm:

"Hey, who's that over your shoulder?" She asks, and then I realize that I'm still carrying Celestia! I facepalm, hard, due to the fact that I forgot all about her, and I explain my plan: I was going to use Celestia as a hostage while we escaped.

"Very clever, but have you been carrying her all day?" Mizzy asks, and I engage my best poker face, which was double effective since it was hidden behind a helmet.

"No..." I say, and Mizzy just laughs. Seriously, how does this chick see through every one of my poker faces? Anywho, we then get out of the dungeon, and enter the main hall, but I notice a lot of guards are flowing in through the front door, so I tell Mizzy to go ahead.

"Are you sure? I can fight them, too." Mizzy asked, clearly concerned for me. However, I tended to stay away from emotional relationships, so her concern was unwarranted.

"No, I've killed a brajillion of these guys in five seconds. You just get out of here, I'll fight my way out. Mix things up a little." I said, putting Celestia down, so she won't hinder me, And removing my helmet because it was sweltering in that stupid castle, and I hate helmet hair.

"Oh, I see you found the Amulet yourself?" She asks.

"Yep. Now unless there are any goodbyes, I suggest you g-" Was all I could say, for then, Mizzietta catches me off guard, pulling me close and, well, I don't really want to talk about how I got french-kissed by a dragon. (her snout was short, but it was still weird!) Anyway, I'm dazed, Mizzy takes off, and guards are coming up the stairs to kill me.

"Alright, fuckers..." I said evilly, materializing balls of lighting and fire in my hands.

"... Let's get this ball started."

Author's Notes:

Dun dun
DUUUUUUN!!!!!