Hello, Is this thing on? One, two, three, testing, testing... Ah, there it is!

Greetings, Mortal scum. Due to difficulties involving Malideus's... eh, relations, last night, I, Kragda-Maul, will be narrating the first part of this story, but we will be focusing on elsewhere, on behalf of our protagonist's wishes. Yes, it seems that Mizzy is indeed the jealous type, and Malideus is in a heap of trouble. Whip evaded such a fate... barely. But, we are not focusing on him. Now, for this particular section of the events taking place, we will focus on someone deeply, emotionally touched by Malideus. A goddess, so close to falling from grace with the evil sorcerer, that continues to operate, albeit barely, more or less normally. Yes, our focus is none other... Than Celestia. The morning begins as normal, with the sun raising, and the moon lowering, and me spying on the princess as she goes about her daily activities, at least until Malideus and Mizzy are cleared up. Let us begin, shall we?

The morning begins like any other, with Celestia getting up, and walking to her balcony. The moon is at its lowest point, and Celestia now begins to lower it for the day to begin anew. Straining her celestial powers, she grabs the sun in her grasp, and pulls, lowering it. Once done, she turns to the east, and brings up her beloved sun in much the same way. Then, the day begins. Luna cannot lower the moon herself, for her encounter with Malideus has shaken her, and she now lies in bed, barely conscious. The reason this is so continues to elude the princess of the sun, much to her dismay, but life must go on. The city has had many wards placed upon it that should block any malicious entity from entry, so they are safe here, at least. Her only concern now is the poor cities that think themselves safe from Malideus' wrath, such as Stalliongrad, Las Pegasus, Manehatten, and, most importantly, Cloudsdale. If he were to take the pegasus city, the results would be beyond disastrous! But Celestia does not worry, for she has full confidence in her subjects. Plus, Malideus seems to not know of Cloudsdale's existence, so as long as they remain quiet, he will not harm them. Celestia knows of his threat now, and has taken measures to prevent his conquest. Still, Malideus's refusal to be defeated infuriates the princess to no end.

"I just wish he would go away! Why must he, such an evil, conniving, cruel being like him become so successful with such little effort?! I hate it! I worked so hard to create a world free of his ilk, but he still thrives, and on luck and borrowed powers, no less." Celestia huffs, looking to the EverFree forest. There the wizard ruled, with his evil army, and his equally-depraved mistresses, probably laughing at her, and her failure as a princess right now. Yeah, and those pained screams in the distance are probably just his prisoners, totally not Mizzietta crushing Chris' nutsack to a pulp.

"He's probably enjoying all that ill-obtained power right now, and plotting his next assault on my subjects right now... Arrrgh, it eats me up inside! I've done too much for this country, and now all I can do is wait while he ruins our world without pity or remorse, one city at a time! I hate him!" Celestia rants to herself, and she considers pulling her hair at the thought of him and her sister after last night, but she stops, and recollects herself. She has to remain professional; she still has duties to attend to, and places to go today.

"No... He won't get to me. He won't have the privilege of driving me mad. I have to calm down... I'll think of a way to catch him, I have to, if not for our sake, then for the world's. Malideus will atone... I just have to think of a way to catch him..." Celestia ponders, scratching her head as she thinks. However, the day beckons, and her duties can not wait for a ponderous ruler. So, she stops, breathes, and goes outside her room, and into her bathroom, to wash herself, and begin her day. As Celestia enters the royal bathroom, She closes the door, and turns on the water, waiting for it to be ready. Finally, she undresses and... uh... oh, my, Dat ass... uh, eh, sorry, forget I said that... Anyway, after a moment of entry, as she showers, she suddenly grins, a broad, clever grin, as an idea enters her head, one guaranteed to catch Malideus, and force him to atone for his sins. All she needed was time, and the right bait. Oh, look, Chris is finally finished getting chewed out near-lethally. Well, now we know what's going on here, so I'll just pass the story off to him. Until next time, mortals.

Meanwhile, at the cave, and from our 'hero's' point of view...

"Uhn... You didn't have to punch..." I say, holding my gut.

"Yes I did. Now you know not to lie to me about screwing your assistant, don't you?" Mizzy asks, a condescending look on her face.

"... Yes..." I wheeze, and Mizzy rubs my head cheerfully.

"Good boy." Mizzy condescendingly says, rubbing my head. God, sometimes I hate her. I am Malideus, and I can fool around with whoever I want... though I'll never say that to Mizzy's face. Hey, she's still a 5-ton mass of scales and fire. It's not cowardice, it's smart.

"I still don't see why you're getting violent over this. You never struck me as the jealous type." I say, still gripping my gut where she punched me. However, I soon am griping my head as she punches me in the head, blushing furiously.

"I am not jealous!" She cries, and if I can take a hint, I'm pretty sure she is.

"Okay, okay, stop hitting me!" I cry, and Mizzy stops, then grumbles something before returning to her cave. Then, out of nowhere, Kherrie pops up on my shoulder, cheery and annoying as ever.

"Dude, she's totally jealous." Kherrie says, and I nod in agreement.

"Without a doubt." I reply. Then, I clap my hands together, and begin my planning to decide which city to take first. "So, Kherrie, where do you think I should strike next?" I ask my annoying accomplice.

"I dunno! You're the boss, so you decide!" Kherrie cheerfully replies, jumping off my shoulder. "But if you want MY opinion,I think you should invade Stalliongrad!" Kherrie finally says after some thought.

"Stalliongrad? Ugh, confound these pony puns..." I mutter. "Fine, I'll go get some thousand or so devils, and we'll..."

"Wait! You can't just attack the city on foot!" Kherrie cries, interrupting me.

"What? Why?" I ask, not particularly happy.

"Listen, I actually went there myself yesterday, and I saw what they did over there! Turns out, Celestia's been making wards, and commissioned Stalliongrad to mass-produce them! And normally, I wouldn't be worried about you, Mal, but these things are bad news! I've seen them test them: They actually ERADICATE any presence they deem evil! Like, poof! Evaporated! Blown to dust!" Kherrie explains, and I begin to get scared.

"Well... That sucks." I say, feeling my conquest fall apart before my eyes.

"It does. However, I have a plan!" Kherrie says, surprising me.

"You do?" I ask, shocked.

"Yup! They destroy things they deem evil, but only if they make direct contact! So, say that we shielded you somehow, like with a metal ball, or something..." Kherrie says, and I get a brilliant idea. If I was going to invade the city, I needed armor. And, if I was going to have armor, why not put weapons on it? In fact, now, I was getting an even better idea! Way back when, back home, I used to play a video game called "Chrome Hounds". Basically, think of it like "Build-A-Bear", but replace the stuffed animals with giant, ten-ton, walking tanks. Yeah, that's the idea. If I got my hands on them, imagine the damage I could do! But first, I needed a place to build them... and I have just the place.

"Hey Mal, whatcha thinkin' about?" Kherrie asks, interrupting my thoughts. Nonetheless, I respond cheerfully:

"Something awesome." I say, walking towards the site of Malideopolis. Thankfully, I had the devils clear a straight path through the forest, so I had a nice, paved road right to the city from here, and the walk wasn't even hard. Finally, in mere minutes, I arrive at the site of my city, and I like what I see: Great, black-and-red towers stand tall, and A colossal pillar of smoke and ash billows up from the center of the city: the foundry, where all the metal is collected, melted down, and re-forged.

"Man, I love being an overlord." I say, walking toward the forge to place a very big order. After an hour or so of walking and navigating, I finally reach the center of town, and gaze upon the most impressive building in the city: The foundry, where new devils are born and raised, and armor, weapons and building materials are forged. It's a massive citadel, squat, barrel-shaped, and open-roofed, so the tower of smoke can escape, raising hundreds of feet into the air before dissipating. Obviously, it's my kind of place. Without further ado, I walk inside, to place my order. If devils can build an entire city without supervision, I can trust them to build a few mechs. After I walk around a bit, I'm suddenly approached by a well-dressed, upright, familiar-looking devil in a black suit with thin, red stripes and a red tie.

"Hey, boss! Long time, no see! What brings you here, eh?" The devil says, welcoming me.

"Kelias? Jeez, where have you been?" I ask, surprised to see him after a month of absence.

"I've been workin', man! I'm running this foundry here myself, helpin' build this city!" Kelias replies.

"Ah." I say simply, admiring the good job he was doing. However, my sightseeing was cut short, for I had business here. "Well, Kelias, I wish I could stay and catch up, but I have urgent business here: I need a big, and unusual order filled." I say, and Kelias nods, looking more businesslike again.

"'Course, boss. Whatcha' need?" Kelias asks, and I draw a picture, and hand it to him. Kelias takes the picture, and looks at it a while, and looks back up at me.

"Okay, good drawing skills, but what am I supposed to do with this?" Kelias asks, waving the drawing.

"I need you to make me some of those. But there's a catch: I want at least three of them to have actual legs. I need them to destroy Stalliongrad." I say, and Kelias looks at me for a bit, then looks back at the paper, and then back at me, and his gaze finally settles on the paper as he smiles a great, evil grin, and looks back at me.

"Yer nuts, you know that, right?" Kelias says, tucking the drawing into one of his shirt pockets.

"In what way? I want a war machine, and you have the means to make one." I say, and Kelias laughs.

"Of course, boss, But I'm just sayin', if you want enough of these to invade STALLIONGRAD, which I've heard is VERY fortified, by the way, we need metal, and lots of it." Kelias says, and I sigh.

"Well, how many of these can you make right now?" I ask.

"Right now? I'd say, if I'm correct on the dimensions... three, maximum." Kelias says, looking at the drawing again. "And if they're gonna have legs, we can make one good one, but that's about it." He finishes.

"I just want one with legs. The rest can have treads, for all I care." I say.

"Well, then you can still have three, but it's gonna take a while, and we're still gonna need more steel for the other two." Kelias says, and I begin to get an idea: If he needs metal, then why not kill THREE birds with one stone? If I destroy a random city, I'll not only have the metal, but I can also test my newest superweapon, and relieve my stress at the same time! It was genius!

"Kelias, just focus on the legged on for right now. How long will it take to build it up and get it operational?" I ask.

"Hmm... Well, we got's the weapon and mobility systems ta think about, and the gyroscopes ta work th' legs alone... I'd say three days, minimum." Kelias says, and I grumble, not entirely happy with that answer, but I expected it. After all, magic can't solve everything, right? If three days was what it took to bring the ponies a weapon to fear, then so be it.

"Alright, Kelias, just make it happen." I say, and Kelias salutes.

"Alright, then, boss! We'll have it ready to rock as soon as possible." Kelias says, as he walks off to place the order. Now, I have three days of waiting, and nothing to do until then. So, I walk outside, and take in the sights of my city. It was big, of course, but that's not what impressed me: What shocked and awed me so was the architecture, so futuristic, but so medieval, and oh-so evil. As I look at the towers, however, I notice something in the sky: a cloud. Now, that alone wasn't interesting, but this same cloud had stayed over this city ever since I got here, and it showed no signs of moving. Now, I'm starting to suspect many things, from some kind of surveillance unit from Celestia, to some kind of cloud-like life form. Either way, I don't like it, and wish it would just go away. Nonetheless, I begin to walk out of my near-finished city, thinking that the devils could take care of it, until I hear shouting from the nearby plaza.

"The fuck..?" I mutter, hearing many voices, most of them DEFINITELY not devils. So, I decide to take a look, just for the hell of it. I walk through alleys, and roads, constantly orienting myself toward the shouting, when I finally reach the plaza. Needless to say, I'm fucking PISSED at what I see: Pegusi are flying down from the sky, and fighting my devils, and carrying them away! This, my friend, is where I draw the line. So, I break this slug-fest up myself, having had enough of it.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?" I shout, my voice causing everything to stand completely still. Thanks to that, I notice the odd uniforms on these pegusi: blue jumpsuits, with lightning bolt patterns.Suddenly, I remember that time my horrible friend made me watch that show: These must be those... oh, damn, what were they, Wonderbolts, I think. Yes, definitely! These were the Wonderbolts, and they were invading my town, and stealing my devils. Now, they were going to drop dead.

"Oh, Celestia, it's him!" One cries, and they all begin to retreat, but I won't let them off that easily. With a wave of my staff, I cast a wave of ice magic at the winged interlopers, freezing them all solid, every last one of them. Then, they all fall to the ground, and many shatter on impact, sending bloody bits everywhere. However, a few lucky ones survive, and it's them that I take immediate interest in. After all, they came here, and began snatching MY citizens, hauling them off to god-knows-where. Frankly, I want answers, and I want them now.

"You all! Gather the survivors and bring them to the foundry, NOW!" I shout, and the devils rush to work, picking up the frozen ponies and hauling them the the citadel at the center of my city. I then begin the long, unwanted trek BACK to The Foundry, and I enter, and see that the devils have placed the hapless ponies near the entrance, just for my convenience. However, I care not for convenience, only tearing these fucking twerps each a superfluous new behind. Finally, after some waiting, they thaw, and begin to look around bewilderedly, and finally rest their fearful gazes on me and the thousands of devils crowded around to watch the show. We then stare for a while, and I finally break the ice, as it were:

"Well, do you punks have anything to say for yourselves?" I ask, not amused, even by their fear.

"We're going to die... we're going to die..." one mutters fearfully, and I turn my attention to her. I then walk over to the pegasus, and grasp her head, forcing her to look at me.

"What was that, whelp?" I ask the young mare, and she seems on the verge of tears.

"C-Celestia, help me..." she whimpers, and another pegasus, a young stallion, by the look of it, gets bold:

"Leave her alone, you monster!" He shouts angrily. I then turn to him, and glare. A few ponies away, the stallion sits, goggles up, and casting a hateful glare at me. So, I do what any reasonable person would do to shut someone up:

"Goblada." I say plainly, and a single stone sword bursts from the ground, and cleaves through his head, splitting it in two. All the ponies then stare in horror as the devils cackle and cheer madly, and the blade retreats back into the ground, red with blood and covered in brain matter. Then, they all diverge into different reactions; some screaming, some vomiting, and others just passing out. Then, I return to the timid mare, who was too frightened to do anything but sob.

"Now... What was it that you said, twerp?" I ask, and the Mare stops sobbing, looking at me with the most fearful expression.

"I... I... What do you want from us!?" The young pegasus suddenly demands tearfully, and that just makes me mad.

"What do I want?! I want you to tell me what the fuck you're doing in my city, kidnapping MY devils!" I shout.

"I... I won't tell you..." The pegasus whimpers, trying to act brave, but failing. So, I grab her neck, and hoist her off the floor, and start squeezing her throat.

"START TALKING!" I yell as the young mare gasps for air, tears streaming down her face as she claws at my hands, trying to remove them from her neck.

"It... *gack!* was an order... *urk!* from th-the commander... I... I just want... to go home!" The pegasus wheezes.

"And where is home?" I ask, tightening my grip.

"C...Clouds...Dale..." the pegasus manages to choke out.

"And where is that?" I ask.

"Let her go! You're going to kill her!" One pegasus says, but I do not relent; once I'm in character, I never do. Yeah, it's slowly becoming a bit of a problem.

"Not until she spills her guts... before I spill them for her." I say, and the pegasus manages to slowly choke out two words:

"Up... there..." She wheezes, pointing to the immobile cloud above the city, now barely visible due to the smoke. So, after looking, I release her, dropping her onto the ground, where she curls into the fetal position, weeping and gasping, while holding her throat where I gripped her. Jeez, what drama queens. Still, I know know where they came from, and I know what that cloud is, thanks to this sad ball of fluff. However, I still have to make an example out of someone, because god knows they'll be back if I let them off this easy. So, like any good ruler, I have to set that example.

"Alright, worms. You all may have just been following orders in coming here, and I respect that. However, you all really fucked up by pissing me off, and I mean REALLY, really fucked up. You stole my citizens, and tried to wreck my city. I don't know why, and I don't want to be seen as the bad guy here, I really don't, but you all must be taught a lesson; one your superiors are going to think about before they send anyone else here ever again." I shout, and my speech causes murmurs throughout the remaining fifteen-or-so pegusi, and cackles and chortles from the hundreds of onlooking devils.

"What are you going to do, kill us?" One bold pegasus mare asks, and I just laugh with the devils.

"No... I have something far more fitting in mind..." I say, approaching her. Then, I grab the loud-mouthed Wonderbolt, turn her around, and then I grab her wings.

"Huh?! Wait, what are you doing!?" she cries.

"Punishing you." I reply simply, and I begin to pull on her wings, and I hear bones popping and sinew tearing over the pegasus's cry of anguish as I tear the wings off (which was surprisingly easy, by the way). Then, after a while of torturous pulling, I give one last yank, and they come off, and the blood alone gives me the willies as it pours out and pools on the floor. How much blood goes into these things?! Anyway, After I'm done, I throw the mare onto the floor, weeping and bawling her eyes out. I feel sick again, and I have to back away, not wanting to be caught vomiting. God, I hate setting examples. However, the devils love it, and they start cheering and laughing as the now-wingless pegasus passes out from pain and blood loss, and the others try to get out of there, only to be stopped by devils.

Now, the first mare has finally stopped bleeding out, and a few more remain, but I don't have the stomach to get them, so I call to the remaining devils, who focus their attention on me.

"Alright, devils. You know what to do." I say, and the devils all laugh, and encroach on the small group of pegusi, who back up until they hit each other's backs. then, I have to turn my head as the devils pounce, and blood and feathers go everywhere as the devils grab their unfortunate victims' wings, and proceed to rip, tear, and claw them off. The spectacle only lasts a few seconds, though the pained, horrified screams make it seem like an eternity, and I begin to feel sick to my stomach again. Thankfully, the bloodbath ends, and the crippled pegusi now lay there, moaning and sobbing from their pain and loss. I have set an example here, and I intend to let everyone see it. Now, I just have to find out where to put them...

"Alright, do we have a prison?" I ask the devils, who all laugh and nod. Well, they sure can build a proper city, I'll tell you what. "Alright, put 'em there. I'll find out what to do with them tomorrow." I say, and the devils do as I say, hoisting the prisoners up and carrying them off to god-knows-where, cackling madly the whole time. Welp, Now I know what the cloud is, but I have to find a way to take it down. But how am I going to do that? I can't fly, and Mizzy's on her flow, obviously. So what's an evil sorcerer to do? Well, looking at the book of infinite knowledge seems like a good plan right now, so I begin the trek back to the cave, having left the Oghma Infinium there. As soon as I reach the cave, I see Crush and Hezafen standing there, talking to some ordinary-looking pony, who did NOT look happy. By his looks, he was a unicorn, with a REALLY dark coat. I actually thought it was black at my current distance, but upon closer inspection, it was actually navy blue, with a silver-colored mane and tail, small, square reading glasses, and a large, white lab coat. In short, he looked... kinda creepy, actually, like any scientist. And now, he and Crush looked ready to come to blows about something.

"Oh, joy..." I mutter, approaching the bickering morons. Not Hezafen, though, he's just staring at the two with mild interest, like one would watch two insects fighting over a piece of food. Finally, I'm close enough to hear their argument:

"I said get lost, pony! Even if Malideus WAS here, he'd have no interest in talking to you, of all races! Now beat it!" Crush says, getting in the pony's face. The pony, though, shows no sign of relenting, and just glares back as he responds:

"I think he will! I have information he will want to hear, and I need to speak to HIM, not some rock-brained bouncer!" The pony retorts, causing Crush to growl.

"He won't see you, and that's final! Now beat it, before I beat you!" Crush yells.

"You'd like to beat me off, wouldn't you?" The dark blue unicorn says, frustrating Crush further. However, there argument is stopped by Hezafen:

"If I may make a suggestion, perhaps, in order to end this conflict, we should ask Malideus himself." Hezafen says, pointing to me, and the two look directly at me as I approach, and Crush immediately pleads his case:

"Malideus! My apologies, I was just getting rid of this waste of tissue here..." Crush says, but I raise my hand, cutting him off.

"Take five, Crush. Alright, What seems to be the problem here?" I ask.

"This pony wants to talk about joining your army, but he's got nothing to offer you!" Crush says, glaring at the blue pony.

"Not true! I have information for him that could be quite useful!" The pony retorts.

"Enough!!! I've heard enough!" I demand, and the two shut up. "Now... what is this information you have for me?" I ask the pony.

"It's about Canterlot, Malideus. I figured that, since they recently put up wards, as I'm sure you've heard, you'd want to know a nice, easy way in. Lucky for you, I have that way in." The unicorn says, and I cross my arms thoughtfully, thinking about this.

"Hmm... Interesting... Unfortunately, I see no reason to take this information, seeing as how I'm occupied elsewhere at the moment." I say, causing the unicorn to look shocked.

"Uh... Well... What could you possibly be preoccupied with?" The unicorn asks, flustered.

"My capital of Malideopolis was recently attacked by the city of Cloudsdale, and I want to destroy it, but I first need a way up there. So, if you have nothing else to offer, you'd best be on your way." I say, turning away from the unicorn.

"Well... what about a way into Cloudsdale?" The unicorn asks, and I immediately stop, then turn around.

"I swear to god, if you're just saying that..." I begin, but the unicorn raises his hands, in a gesture of surrender.

"I'm not playing, sir. You want in? I know a way. I used to work for Canterlot, you know. I have all the right spells for getting places, and I can get you up there without tripping the wards. All I ask is parlay with you and your army." the unicorn says, confusing me.

"Wait... you want to help me, even though you worked for the princesses?" I ask, and the unicorn sighs, shaking his head.

"Yes, I used to work for them, and even applied for a job as an astronomer. But the princesses passed me, the one pony with ANY actual intelligence, up for some other two-bit unicorn, probably because she was female. It's sexist, I tell you! Anyway, I figured that if they can't be smart enough to choose the right pony to do a job, how are they ever going to stop you? That's why I'm here: I don't want to die because our leaders are prehistoric, selfish, incompetent fools." He explains, and I smile. I don't know who he is, but I like this pony already: He knows who the winning side is.

"Alright, pal, I'll give you a shot. What's your name?" I ask.

"Stargazer. And it's a pleasure to finally speak with you, Malideus." The unicorn says, and he shakes my hand.

"Yes, charmed, I'm sure. Now, that way into Cloudsdale?" I ask, catching Stargazer off-guard.

"Oh, yes, of course. I have a spell to let you walk on air and clouds, but it's temporary. That's why you'll have to take me with you." Stargazer says, and I almost say no, but I figure I could use a guide through the city, just in case I don't want to destroy all of it: If I remember anything from the sites I trolled and the episodes I was forced to watch, there was a factory up there. Still, none of them said anything about this world being full of anthropomorphic ponies, so I still had my reasons to doubt some details. But still, a lot of the details were accurate, so why not?

"Fine. Get me up there, and I'll take you in." I say, and Stargazer smiles.

"Great! Now, If you'll just stay still, I can administer the spell, and we can be off." Stargazer says, but I stop him.

"Hold on now, Buck. I know you want to join the winning side and all, but I honestly can't trust you right out the gate. How do I know this isn't a trick?" I ask. I've been in WAY too many situations like this to really trust anyone outside of my inner circle. Besides, I never trusted those creepy squint-types before, and I sure as hell won't start now.

"Believe me, Malideus, if I wanted to trick you into something, I doubt it'd be me doing it. I'm not very persuasive, as you can tell by my argument with your... friend." Stargazer says, glaring at Crush.

"Then how do I know you're not just persuading me to believe you're not being persuasive by falsely failing to persuade me?" I ask, and Hezafen's head almost explodes. Hell, I can see it shaking right now.

"You really don't trust me, do you?" Stargazer asks, frowning.

"Not in the slightest." I say. In reality, I like him. He's pretty cool, for a squint.

"What's it going to take?" He asks.

"Hmm... Tell you what: You get me up there without getting me killed, and you're in." I say, and StarGazer smiles, nodding.

"Fine, that was my offer anyway. Now, if there's no..."

"Mal! Waaaaiiiit!" I hear Kherrie interrupt Stargazer, who looks around in confusion, and suddenly, Kherrie runs up, and jumps on my shoulder, catching the unicorn's attention.

"Take me with you!" Kherrie says, causing me to facepalm. Stargazer, however, just looks curiously at the old god with increasing intensity.

"What... is THAT?" Stargazer asks.

"Ugh... just ignore her." I say to Stargazer, and Kherrie take immediate offense.

"Hey! I thought we were buds! Heh heh... buds... you know, like plants?" Kherrie says, further infuriating me.

"Yes, Kherrie, I get it, now go away." I hiss, but Kherrie just keeps sitting there, childish as ever. In fact, as she grows in power, she seems to just get more and more infantile.

"Aww, come on Mal, let me go with you!" Kherrie says.

"Me too!" calls another unwanted voice: Xenia. Yes, the freaky-eyed bat-pony has involved herself, and is now running outside to greet us.

"Xenia, why the hell are you out here in your underwear?" I ask, not amused by her choice of clothing: basically, a miniskirt and some kind of tank top.

"These are my work clothes." Xenia says, getting defensive.

"Fine, fine, but why are you asking to go?" I ask, frustrated. I wanted to go alone, dammit, not take my whole harem with me.

"I like killing things. And right now, this looks like you're going to be killing things." Xenia says simply. Well, hard to argue with that kind of logic. "So, can we?" Xenia asks.

"Ugh, fine, you both can come. But you three had better not hold me back, or I'm going to send you back here in pine boxes!" I yell, and Xenia rolls her mismatched eyes, while Kherrie giggles.

"Okay, your majesty." Xenia groans, and I come thiiiiis close to hitting her.

"Okay... so, are we ready to go, or are we waiting for someone else? because this spell has a time limit." Stargazer says.

"Nope, but let's not fly, I don't like the idea of walking on air." I say, shuddering at the idea. If it was anything like walking on that glass bridge over the grand canyon, I was probably going to barf.

"You know that's the only way to get there, right?" Stargazer says, looking quite disappointed.

"I'm not going to hover there! Xenia, as your boss, I demand you carry me." I say, pointing to bat-hooker, who looks at me like I'm on drugs.

"Are you high!? I'm not carrying you!!!" Xenia exclaims, crossing her arms defiantly.

"DO AS I COMMAND!" I yell, causing everyone to flinch. Am I really that loud?

"Okay, okay, no need to yell!" Xenia cries, covering her ears. Then, without a word, I jump onto her back, causing her to double over. If they're gonna be on the winning side, they're gonna have to pull some weight around here... including my own.

"You... weigh... too much..." Xenia mutters, straining under my weight. Oh, what a baby, I don't even weigh that much, 140 at most.

"Less talk, more mush! Hyah, mule, hyah!" I shout, slapping my newest mount on the flank, and causing Kherrie to start giggling.

"I'm a sniper, dammit... Why won't you just levitate there? I refuse to be degraded this way!" Xenia says, so I kick her again.

"I said forward! What you 'want' is irrelevant, and all that matters is Cloudsdale! Now, forward, steed!" I shout, preparing to kick her again.

"Fine... don't be so pushy..." Xenia says, succumbing to my breaking. Like any steed, you sometimes have to be rough with them, and I was about to get REALLY rough with this one in a second... Wait, that's not what I meant! Don't you DARE take it that way! Ugh... anyway, so, long story short, I'm being carried to Cloudsdale on the back of a whore, alongside Kherrie, and some unicorn I never met before. So, we ride, and we are off to Cloudsdale, to face whatever horrors await us there. It was... actually a pretty slow journey. Can't imagine why, as I specifically told my new mule, er, steed, to use her fastest pace! Next time, I'll just stick with one of the changelings. Hmm... I wonder what those two do when I'm not around. Whip, I can see opening a tavern or something, but Ribbon... I don't know, the girl doesn't even like being touched. She does seem to like Whip, though... I wonder what those two do together when I'm gone... I may have to spy on them one day. Anyway, thoughts of randomness aside, we finally reach the cloudy city in about an hour or so, and I tremble with anticipation of the fun I'm going to have. Yes, this was day one of what will forever be known as: Malideus' Malicious Massacre of Evil! Yeah, I'm still working on the name. Anyway, here we are, finally, and Xenia and Stargazer set down in a puffy alley. Yep, Cloudsdale is pretty much how I thought it'd be: made of clouds, and I'm walking on it. What are these clouds MADE of?

"Well, here we are: Cloudsdale." Stargazer says, gesturing toward the hard-to-look-at expanse of puffy cloud-buildings. I fucking hate this world, and for this exact reason. Oh well, no point dwelling on it. Now... It's time for some magic.

"Alright, Stargazer, Xenia, stay out of sight until I specifically call your names. Kherrie, you just stay here and touch nothing." I command.

"Will do, sir." Stargazer says.

"Fine..." Xenia moans.

"Aww, do I have to?" Kherrie whines.

"Yes, you do! Stay here, in this alley, and just absorb water vapor or something. I'm going to vaporize every living thing in this town." I say, and I try to leave, when Xenia stops me:

"Wait, what do you want us to do about the weather factory?" Xenia asks.

"What? Weather factory? The fuck's a weather factory?" I ask, confused. I remember something about it from a site I trolled once, but I haven't seen the internet in months, so my memory evades me on that subject.

"You really aren't from here, are you?" Stargazer asks, causing me to stare at him with utmost contempt.

"The weather factory is how the pegusi control the weather: Clouds go into the building, clouds go out, and it creates equestria's weather." Xenia says, and I nod, understanding the versatility of my situation.

"So... If we take that, we basically control the country?" I ask.

"Yep." Stargazer replies simply. Now, I originally wanted to just destroy the town... but I love the prospect of controlling the weather, and therefor everything else. It would be wrong not to.

"Alright, change of plans. You three head to the factory, wherever that is, and tag it. Soon as I fight my way over there, I'll take it over. And remember, all three of you: I want as many casualties as possible. Got it?" I ask, and Kherrie and Xenia snap salutes, while Stargazer just shrugs.

"Yes sir!" Kherrie and Xenia say, and Kherrie jumps onto Xenia's shoulder, and the three are off, leaving me with a whole city to destroy as I see fit. Oh, this is going to be fun. Finally, after some getting into character, I walk off in a random direction, ready for destruction. Soon, I reach what appears to be a town square, and I see pegusi flying every which way, including some uniformed ones. It all looked so carefree, so oblivious, so peaceful... well, all good things must come to an end, some more violently than others. However, before I can zap one of the feathered fucks out of the air like duck hunter (sans the fuckin' dog), one of the uniformed ones see me, and everything goes to shit before I can process what just happened. But after I regain my general awareness, I see all the pegasus citizens are gone, and I'm suddenly surrounded by Wonderbolts, all of them wanting a piece of me. So, I hit them with my dry wit:

"What the heck just happened?" I ask.

"Alright, wizard, it's over for..." One says, but I interrupt him:

"Alright, stop RIGHT there. Before you finish that sentence, let me remind you that I am Malideus, the most dangerous living thing on the planet, and you are just guards. Now, do you HONESTLY think that you have any real chance of bringing me in?" I ask, and the pegusi cast confused looks at each other.

"He's... kinda right. Do we really stand a chance against him?" One Wonderbolt asks, and the leader groans, facepalms, and glares at them.

"Of course we can! We're the good guys, we always win! Plus, we outnumber him!" The leader says, turning her glare back to me.

"Oh, yeah, so you do." I say, looking around. "However, one question remains, ma'am: How many of you are feeling froggy enought to actually jump?" I ask, and a few actually shudder.

"Don't try and scare us, Malideus! Just give yourself up so we can go home and put this behind us!" The leader says, and I tap the chin of my helmet in mock thoughtfulness.

"Hmm... How 'bout no." I say, and before the leader of the group can even blink I pull the gutsiest move I've ever pulled: I swing my bladed staff in front of me, stunning the Wonderbolts surrounding me. The one in front of me, though, just stands there for a second, looking absolutely shocked. Suddenly, her eyes go blank, dull and lifeless, and blood begins to run from around her neck. Then, I poke her head, and it falls off, causing blood to spray everywhere. Oddly enough, the blood just falls through the clouds, while the body and head just hit them with a soft "poof". Then, the other guards go ballistic, and leap at me. However, I had anticipated this, and I teleport a few feet away, leaving the hapless Wonderbolts struggling in a massive dog pile, whereupon I zap them all, and after a few seconds of spazzing out, the group falls limp, occasionally twitching, and I don't need to check their pulses to know that they're dead: their eyes are all rolled back into their heads.

"Well, looks like there's gonna be orphans tonight." I say, dusting myself off. "Well, time to kill the rest of these buttholes." I say, wandering off to wreck this place all kinds of ways.

"So... how to begin..." I ask myself. The buildings are clouds, so ice and electricity seem like good options... but I hate ice, and I use lightning too often. So, after a while, I decide to just wing it. So, using my staff, I summon a massive gale, and center it into a tornado around where I am, and just for the heck of it, I grab my orb of souls, and infuse a few of them into the massive twister, creating a... well... I don't know. A soulnado? Damn, now I'm using puns. Either way, the soulnado I made turns purple after all the souls are in, and starts shooting green lightning everywhere. It looks cool and all, but then it runs off and just starts wrecking everything with a vengeance, and starts zapping people with it's lightning, which I guess steals their souls, because every time it does that, it gets bigger and meaner. That, in itself, is pretty awesome, so I let it be. No way a soul-sucking, hyper-destructive and violent tornado can possibly ever get out of control. So, I basically just single-handedly trashed the town, and killed everyone inside it. How? I have no idea, nor do I feel like arguing it. So I turn around to walk away, when I'm suddenly tackled at the speed of light by someone, and they have me in a hold, so I find it hard to break free.

"This is becoming too common an occurrence..." I mutter, grabbing my assailant by the mane, and pulling them over me.

"Oof! Ugh... cheater..." The pony says, groaning. I then get up, and turn her over... oh, Christ, it's Rainbow Dash... again.

"You!? WHAT THE PUKE, GIRL!?" I yell, picking her up by her jersey.

"I live here! And you're one to talk, as soon as I saw that purple, soul-sucking tornado thing, I knew you were behind this! Now call it off, before I get violent with you!" Rainbow Dash says, and my eye twitches involuntarily.

"I can understand how you saw it, but why do you assume I had anything to do with it?" I ask, dropping her.

"Because you ALWAYS have something to do with it! Every time something is destroyed, or when people get maimed by demons, or EVAPORATED BY SOUL-SUCKING TORNADOES, you always seem to be behind it!" Rainbow Dash screams, getting in my face.

"Well, I never said you were wrong... But what are you doing, touching me?! Don't you value your pitiful life?" I ask, pushing her away.

"I just want you to stop being a murderous jerk! Now, call your... thing... off, before I kick your butt!" Rainbow Dash threatens, getting into an aggressive stance. This little lesbian thinks she can take me? This should be fun. Easy, but fun.

"You wanna dance, you little gay pride mascot? I'll rearrange your face before you can say 'ouch'!" I say, putting up my fists.

"I'll run circles around you and that fancy gala dress of yours, punk!" Rainbow says, and before I can make my move, she throws a punch to my gut, but her fist hits armor, and she reels back, tears in her eyes as she holds her fist. I'll admit it: She's fast, but she can't hit.

"Okay... My turn." I say, cracking my knuckles, and Rainbow Dash gulps as I approach her, and raise my pimp hand. It's been too long since it's been in service, and it lusts for the face of this ho.

"B-back off, you freak!" Rainbow Dash cries, and I grab her again, hoist her up, and raise my pimp hand in preparation.

"We'll see who's calling who a freak when I scar that pretty little face of yours." I say. Rainbow then growls, and kicks my groin, causing a resounding 'clang'.

"Oh, Aaugh, god damn it, you whore!" I cry, doubling over, but not letting go of her tacky 'Wonderbolts' jersey. However, before she can escape my grip, I get right back up, laughing, and she looks at me like I've grown a third arm. "Nah, I'm wearing metal leggings. I'm perfectly fine. You, however, are now quite dead." I say, raising my almighty pimp-hand.

"Oh, come on..." Rainbow Dash says, and a loud whack rings throughout the city as I hit her so hard, she goes cross-eyed for a second. Then, I walk off, my first job complete. Now, lets check off what I have so far... I killed some people, check, I caused a supernatural disaster that is now destroying the city, check, and I pimp-slapped rainbow dash, check. Now, all that leaves me with is... finding where all these fucking Wonderbolts are coming from!

"But where am I going to find their source of trained soldiers?" I ask, not quite sure where to look. Then, suddenly, I see a large building in the distance, with Wonderbolts all over it, fighting off the soulnado with startling effectiveness. Nonetheless, I have found it, and now, I'm going to decommission it. I then begin my trek over to the academy, which has now driven the soulnado away (bummer), and I arrive at the steps, eager to begin my slaughter.

"Schools out forever, kiddies..." I mutter, raising my staff. Then, I kick down the doors, and begin my search for whoever's in charge of this place. I begin my search in the easternmost wing of the building, which I see is full of the girls. Well, this take slaughter out of the occasion, since I try not to hit girls... most of the time. However, I can still get some info from these anthropomorphic mules. Soon as I enter the wing, everyone sees, and has run into a different room, locking the doors behind them, and leaving one student out in the open, as she frantically tries every door in an attempt to escape me. The display in itself is both amusing AND pathetic, so I decide to spare her. But first, I need answers.

"You, mare!" I shout, and she stops dead, backed up against a door, and sweating profusely. "I have questions, and you have answers. Now spill your guts, before I do it for you." I threaten, approaching her, and the poor mare tries to back up further, though she cannot, actively whimpering some kind of prayer as I draw closer.

"Stop crying, you coward!" I yell, grabbing the pegasus's throat, and as she grips my hand in order to keep it from tightening, I see her actually piss herself in terror, and I step back, disgusted. "Oh, Jesus... and check your defense mechanisms while you're at it, you infant!" I shout, stepping away from the fear-induced puddle of urine. Suddenly, I hear murmuring behind one door, and I see a bunch of pegusi crowded around the window of one door, staring in horror at what I'd done. So, ignoring the blubbering mare I just scared pissless, I turn my attention to the other door, pointing my staff at it, and then loosing a fireball at it. Then, the door explodes, and the students are sent flying backwards, and chips of burning wood bounce everywhere.

"You know it's rude to stare, right?" I ask as I enter the room, and then the students get up, and get the brilliant idea to get aggressive.

"Come on, girls, we can take him! Let's get him!" The one in front says, and they all charge me at once. I just yawn at their display, and cross my arms, then I teleport three feet away from them, causing them to tackle nothing but air.

"That was just stupid. Did you honestly think that would work?" I ask, raising my staff.

"We'd rather die than serve you, Malideus!" the leader exclaims, and her lackeys agree, so I decide to test that.

"You got guts, kid... let's see what they look like." I say, and I run up, and swipe at her with the blades of my staff, cutting her neck. Not a deep one, mind you, just deep enough to let her know that I mean business. Then, as soon as she sees that her neck is bleeding, she drops to her knees, holding it, and everyone stares at her in horror, then at me.

"Where's the one running this outhouse?" I ask, and one gulps, and replies:

"T-the main office... c-center of the academy..." she says, on the verge of fainting.

"Thank you. See, was that so hard?" I ask, patting her head. "Oh, and you might want to get your friend there some help: that cut looks pretty nasty." I say jokingly, and I walk out the door, to the main office, to put an end to all this nonsense. Along the way, I see no one, and I assume that they all fled. Just as well, gives me more time to think of some witty one-liners to use when I step into that office. Finally, without any resistance, I see the office, and promptly kick open the door, to see... no one. The desk was empty, and the blinds were closed. Clearly, someone saw me coming from a mile away. And who wouldn't? I'm not exactly 'subtle'.

"Guess they got scared and ran off..." I say aloud, and I almost turn around, when my spidey-senses start tingling, and I barely avoid a lamp to my head. Seeing that someone was in the room with me, I turn around, and see... another mare?! What the hell, even the drill sargents are female!? That's it, I'm done being chivalrous (granted, I was always kind of a sexist to begin with). Now, some hos were getting popped, starting with this one.

"Get out of my office!" The pegasus screams, lunging again, and I promptly dodge, then I grab her arm, and swing her into a wall.

"You know, the reason I never joined the military was because I never quite respected authority. Kind of ironic, don't you think?" I ask, approaching the downed pegasus.

"Great, this one's crazy, too..." The mare says, getting up and going for a punch. Unfortunately for me, I failed to recognize that she had two fists, so as soon as I catch one, the other strikes my gut, resulting in a metallic 'clang', and my opponent holding her injured hand, on the verge of tears. God, I love armor.

"What, me? Crazy? I thought so at first... hell, who knows, I'm in a world of talking, humanoid ponies." I say, launching a punch of my own at her. The blow strikes her face, causing her to reel backward, and I continue my assault. "I get sucked in here, but I don't know how, or why. So, you know what? Maybe I am crazy. But, you know what? I don't care. If this is a coma, I hope I never wake up!" I yell, striking the pegasus's gut, and I must have hit her a little harder than I thought, because she then doubles over, and vomits on the floor. Now, I'm starting to get that icky feeling up my spine again, but I ignore it. What bad could happen here and now? So, I tower over my opponent, who's name escapes me at the moment, though she looks familiar, and grab her mane, hoisting her head to face me.

"Now, I'm going to tell you something, bitch. I currently have three of my lackeys taking the weather factory by force, and a soulnado tearing the city apart. If you want them to vanish, you will tell me everything I need to know, got it?" I ask, but the pegasus shoots me a hateful glare, and defies me:

"I hope you drop dead, you bastard. You're not fit to even be touching me, you big, dumb, cowardly, maggot!!" she exclaims, and let me tell you, that pisses me off. No one talk about Malideus like that! NO ONE!!!

"Oh, now you're gonna get it..." I say, placing my hand on her head.

"What are you going to do, kill me? Steal my soul? I won't give you the satisfaction of a single tear, you bastard! You can do whatever you want to me, but you'll get nothing!" she says, and then she spits on my robe, and right now, I'm so pissed, I stand there for a second, still gripping her, and then, in a fit of blind rage, I, well, I don't know. I just remember blacking out, and having that nightmare I have whenever I sleep, the demon one. Only, this time, right out the gate, the demon bursts from the ground, and devours me, and I'm suddenly seeing things from the air, like a kill-cam. Then, I see the demon, which looks like a giant, metal insect of some kind, like a fucked-up praying mantis, but its front arms are long, thin, and they end in twisted, clawed hands,.The beast then rears up, roaring a sound like grating metal and an erupting volcano, and it eats Celestia, then the castle, then the country, and finally, the world. As soon as I finally wake up, I see the room is trashed slashes and holes in the walls and ceiling, the pegasus is in a corner, her uniform torn up in places, and her whole body covered in slashes, bruises, and blood spatters, and she looks at me like I turned into some kind of monster. Also, I feel tired.

"Ugh... what just..." I mutter, holding my head. My opponent, however, does not respond, she just sits there, huddled and breathing heavily. Oh, lord, I just berserked. Dammit, I'm better than that! But that nightmare... was it directly connected to my feelings? Arrgh, this is too confusing! What was that thing? Why was it eating everything? Why was it focused on ME? Ugh, I need help. But not now, as I have an adversary to finish.

"S-stay back! Don't come near me, you freak!" my opponent says, and I stop, confused. 'Freak'? Did she somehow see my face?

"What? What'd I do?" I ask in genuine confusion, and the pegasus looks surprised, and tilts her head in confusion.

"You... you don't know? You didn't see yourself turn into that... that thing?" she asks. Wait, I turned into a thing?!

"What? What thing? Was it cool?" I ask, not sure what to make of this situation.

"You... you don't..." The pegasus says, but her blood loss gets the better of her, and she passes out, leaving me with more questions than I care to have, like, for starters, what the fuck did I turn into? I really don't like the thought of turning into things, and I really need answers... maybe Kragd-Maul or Kherrie will know something about this. They ARE old gods, after all. So, that done, I leave, and head straight for the weather factory, which I'm assuming to be the biggest building in the city, seeing that it's the most important. However, as I'm wandering, I see Xenia flying toward me, and she looks terrified.

"Boss! Boss! It's really fucked up, man! It's Kherrie... she... she..." Xenia says, freezing up, and I slap her, hoping that would work. It did, but I didn't get the reaction I expected:

"Did... did you just SLAP me?!" Xenia asks, holding her face.

"Yeah, I figured it would fix you. Now, what is it about Kherrie?" I ask, and Xenia starts looking panicked again, and replies:

"She, well, she transformed, or something! Now she looks like some kind of horror film monster!" Xenia says, and this makes me VERY uncomfortable.

"Take me there, now!" I demand, and Xenia nods, pulling my arm to the factory, which isn't really as I imagined it. But, oh well. But as I get near, I recoil at the smell of sulfur and rotting meat times, like, a million, and the sight of many half-eaten bodies, which I'm assuming is Kherrie. Oh, god, now I'm starting to regret calling her pipsqueak.

"She's in there! Me and what's-his-face ran as soon as she transformed, but I don't know where he is! Look, can we just go?" Xenia asks, but I sigh, and face up, ready to face Kherrie.
"No. You stay here, and watch my six. I'll go in there, find Stargazer, and see what's going on. Got it?" I ask, and Xenia nods her head, shivering. God, what a baby. Still, I have to find out what's going on, and I have to find Kherrie. She may be an old god, but I don't think she would betray me, even if she did turn into some kind of monster. So, bracing myself, I walk into the now-dark factory, which is full of all kinds of machinery, some still whirring and clanging, and I brace my self for anything.

"Dammit... Why did I walk in here alone..?" I mutter, remembering every horror movie ever watched, all involving this same scenario: Guy walks, alone, into a factory that he KNOWS has a monster in it, monster finds him, and he dies... except that guy is usually either black, or the chick. Still, I don't feel good about this, not one bit.

"Look... It's just Kherrie. She wouldn't hurt a fly. In fact, she loves flies." I say, trying to assure myself.

"Yeah, but she loves meat, too, and you and what's-his-face are both meat." My inner voice chimes in, causing me to shudder.

"No, you shut up! I can take her! I can take anyone, even that sad excuse for a walking garden!" I exclaim, bolstering my courage. That is, until I hear childish giggling from all around me, and I damn near piss myself. Then, I hear a pony screaming in pain, and a horrible, tearing noise, and I almost turn around. Fuck this shit, I'm out of here, I'm not about to die like this! However, I turn arund, and a strange, dark figure stands only a few meters away, startling me.

"Oh, lord..." I whisper, backing away. I can't see her face, but I know it's Kherrie, because she's wearing a dress of some kind, by the shape of it, and giggling like a little girl.

"Where are you goin', Mally? Weren't you here to check up on me?" Kherrie asks, and I almost lose control of my bowels.

"Kherrie, stop fucking with me! This isn't funny!" I say, charging a fireball.

"It's not? I think it is... did I ever mention how cute you look when you're scared?" Kherrie says, and I've had enough.

"What the hell is this all about, Kherrie? Where's Stargazer?" I ask.

"Oh, him? He ran away... but I caught him. He's safe with me now... just like you'll be." Kherrie says, and she suddenly vanishes, and I look around frantically for her.

"Welp, we're dead. Funny, I always figured I'd go out as a result of your stupidity, instead of such an unforeseen consequence." My inner voice mocks, and I hit my head to shut him up.

"We're not dead yet, you ass! I just have to stay quiet, and stay calm, and I'll be out of here." I say, and I begin to walk toward the exit, but I hear something bang behind behind me, and I turn, expecting to see Kherrie... but I just see a can that fell off a shelf, and I sigh in relief. I'm not dead yet! So, I turn back around, and I scream. There, right in front of me, is a tall, white dress, a kimono, by the look of it, and Kherrie is in it, standing as tall as me, and her arms and legs are hidden by the kimono, but there is blood along the rims of her sleeves and the bottom of her dress, and her face is mostly hidden by long, root-like hair, save her mouth of long, sharp, shining white teeth, which is locked into the biggest, most twisted smile I've ever seen, ever. I try to scream, to run, to do anything, but I'll tell you, you may find this cliche', but you've never fucking had this happen to you! All I can do is hold my breath as she smiles wider, and raises one arm to me.

"Come with me, Mally-wally... let's be friends... forever!" Kherrie says, and I scream as she grabs my robe with her long, clawed fingers, and pulls me close.

Author's Notes:

Cliffhanger!

Dun dun dun!!!