"More letters?" I say disinterestedly as Mizzy burps up, surprise, surprise, more letters, from people asking to join my army.

"Yes... I can't possibly Imagine why." Mizzy says, quite irate. I understand, too: the letters have been coming in for three days, by air, animal, and, of course, dragon, and it's flattering and all, but it's also starting to grate my nerves.

"What are we going to do with all this attention, sir? Surely an army would interfere with your plots..." Whip ponders. Suddenly, after hearing the word 'army', I get a brilliant idea.

"Whip, Kelias, I have a job for you three. Whip, you write down some responses... Using INK, please. Tell them to meet me here, whenever possible for a live interview. Kelias, you and your devils get to distribute them. If they got here, they have to have a return address. If you can't find one, just get Mizzy to do it." I say.

"What!? That's over half the letters!" Mizzy cries.

"Not my problem. Now, get over here so you can take me to the griffon kingdom. I have that meeting, and I need to keep schedule." I say, but Mizzy huffs, mumbling, then she responds with the most infuriating answer I ever heard:

"Find it yourself, I've got letters to send." she says.

"W-what!? This... I won't stand this insubordination!" I yell, but Mizzy laughs.

"Yes, you will, because my uncle is Nicol Bolas. In fact, you're lucky I'm even doing THIS for you." Mizzy says, reclining on her horde, and sending a letter Whip hands her.

"How am I supposed to get to my meeting in time!?" I demand, furious beyond words.

"Not my problem." Mizzy says, mockingly imitating my voice as she says it.

"This isn't over, Mizzietta! You haven't heard the last of this!" I yell, storming out of the cave.

"Watch out for the cliff!" Mizzietta calls, but too late (likely intentionally), for I've already stormed off the edge, and fallen several feet into the ground. God, I hate my life. did I mention I hate cliffs, too? Still, I dust myself off, and walk off into the forest, because the last thing I want is to get lost again. Once that's done, I'll just get Kragda-Maul to get me there. He helps people, so how hard can he be to find? So, I walk in a straight line to the Ponyville ruins, which I may have to rename, since the whole town is now basically going to be remade in my image: Huge, spiky towers, with large statues in my honor, and machines of war, riding into battle against my foes! Ah, what glory. However, as I walk whilst thinking, I trip on a root, interrupting my thoughts of conquest.

"The fuck?! Stupid root, stupid tree!" I say, kicking the tree it was attached to. Then, I march on, in a pretty bad mood. Hours pass, and I continue to wander, unsure of why I wasn't getting out. Then, after what seems like forever (though it was probably only seven minutes), I find out why I can't get out. After hours of searching, I stumbled on the ruins of 'old Canterlot', as I've heard it be called. Yes, the place where I destroyed the Tree of Harmony, and fought Celestia... twice. However, something seemed off. If I recall correctly, the place didn't have this many plants growing on it. And the plants didn't move, last I checked.

"What the-?! I'VE BEEN GOING DEEPER!!!" I shout, suddenly realizing my predicament. Now, I was no longer interested in the castle, but in burning the forest to the ground for making me late for something important.

"I hate this place! Where's Kragda-Maul when you need him?" I ask, turning around to head out.

"Kragda-Maul!? Who's bringing that guy here?!" A small, high-pitched voice cries, and I almost jump out of my skin at the suddenness of the response.

"What the..? Who's there? Don't fuck with me, or I'll do to you like I did to the tree of harmony!" I shout, waving my staff around like a moron.

"Woah, hey, watch where you're stepping!" The voice cries again, and I look down... and am not amused. Now, at my feet, is a small, humanoid creature, but with few features to speak of, save a proportionally-large water lily on its head, two small, beady eyes, with spots around each one that look like flower petals, a little black nose, and a large mouth. In short, it looked like something out of an anime... and I hate anime.

"What in the ever-loving fuck are you?" I ask, not really liking what I'm looking at.

"What am I?! I'm Kherrie, the goddess of the Dark Harvest! Destroyer of interlopers, ravager of civilizations, devourer of life!" The little creature says, striking a dramatic pose.

"... Yeah, sure." I say, walking away.

"Huh? W-wait! I'm serious! I really am all that! Even if I am a little strapped for power at the moment, I am still..."

"Right, right, and I'm the twenty-fourth president of mars. Piss off, pipsqueak!" I say, walking faster. Suddenly, though, the annoying little runt appears on my shoulder, and turns my head toward her, startling me.

"I know who YOU are Malideus! I saw you burn down that fetid little pony town!" Kherrie says.

"Ugh, EVERYONE saw that! I don't really CARE who you say you are, I have to get to the griffon kingdom before I'm late! Now, get lost, so I can find Kragda-Maul." I say, and Kherrie seems to shudder at the name.

"Why would you need that jerk? I can get you there just as fast. Plus, I'm in plain sight, whereas you have to find Kragda-Maul!" Kherrie says, and I quickly become interested in how this little shrub knows the demon.

"How do you know of Kragda-Maul?" I ask.

"How do you think I know of him, you dingus? I'm an old god, just like him! However, we have a... violent history, if you will." Kherrie says solemnly.

"See, it all started back when the world was young, when spirits ruled the land, laying claim to different elements..." Kherrie says, but I interrupt her.

"Yeah, I love a good story as much as the next guy, but can we get the abridged version? I'm in a hurry, and your voice is pissing me off." I say, and Kherrie sighs.

"Alright, look, I'm the old god of nature, he's the old god of chaos and irony, and I may have killed his brother at some point." Kherrie says, and I actually, for some odd, inexplicable reason, I believe her.

"Okay, so, I believe that Kragda-Maul's a god, he certainly looks the part. But you? You look more like a pixie or something. And why are you following me, anyway?"

"Because, I want a part of what you're doing here. Celestia ruined my eternity, and I want to end hers." Kherrie says.

"You want to end her too, huh? What could she have possibly done to you?" I ask the small creature.

"I used to be awesome! Greatness, power, I had everything! But then the ponies come in and cut down MY trees and 'befriend' MY creatures, and so, when I fight back, Celestia takes my powers away." Kherrie explains, downtrodden.

"She can do that!?" I ask, now slightly more terrified of her.

"She can, and it sucks. Now, my physical manifestations, like this one," she says, gesturing to her small figure."...all require sustenance to survive. Plus, I can't even maintain my true form for more than two hours!" Kherrie explains irately.

"Ah, so you need me to get them back, I suspect." I say.

"Nah, I can't get my powers back. However, YOU can kill sun-butt for me, and help me take over the world! Well, whaddaya say, partners?" Kherrie asks extending her, eh, I want to say hand, but it's more a stump, like a teddy bear. I'm frankly shocked by the suddenness of her offer, but I don't see any way I'd want her to join me.

"I don't know, I've already got a lot of people wanting to join my little army. Why should I consider you?" I ask.

"Well, I can still control nature, so I can do the little things, like grow your food for you, or get rid of the enemies'! Plus, I know you're lost. Let me in on this, and I'll give you a shortcut to the griffon kingdom, free of charge!" Kherrie says, and I consider it. Plus, she said that this was only her base form, so I can only assume that, like planting a seed, it will pay off if I give it some time and attention. Still, I want to milk this for all its worth before I make my final decision.

"Hmmm... I'm still not quite convinced. Besides, Why choose to help ME, instead of some other villain?" I ask.

"Because there ARE no others. Those ponies keep defeating everything the universe throws at them like it was a weekly chore. But you... None of us, not me, not the ponies, not anyone in the world has seen a villain like you! The ponies can't defeat you, not even the princesses! If there was ever a hope for me, you're it! So, come on, please?" Kherrie pleads, and I sigh, succumbing to her 'puppy eyes'.

"Fine. Just get me to the griffon kingdom fast, and I'll let you in." I say, and the childish 'old god' jumps up, and puts her stumpy 'hand' in my face.

"Ah-ah-ah! We have to shake on it, or it doesn't count!" Kherrie says, waving her arm in my face.

"I have to?" I ask.

"Yep! Come on, shake! Shake, shake, shake..." the annoying little shrub chants without end, until I lose it.

"Alright, fine!" I say, gripping her arm with crushing strength, and shaking her up and down. As soon as I finish, though, I feel a strange chill come over me, like that icky something-bad's-gonna-happen feeling, but much smaller. So I ignore it, thinking it to just be a breeze.

"Owowowowow... you didn't have to be so rough, you meanie!" Kherrie whines.

"Yes I did. Now, get me out of this damned forest." I demand, and the childish sprite gets up, jumps off my shoulder, and starts marching a random direction.

"This way!" Kherrie says, tugging my robes, much to my dismay. So, I follow her past the ruins. We then go in a straight line for most of the time, with Kherrie occasionally stopping, looking left and right for a minute or two, then telling me to follow her in a random other direction. I really want to question her, but that, I know, would be futile, because she knows this forest better than I do. But then I realize something: What if she's leading me in circles? Or into a trap? She might just be luring me somewhere to leave me to die, or worse. I shudder at the thought of what might be 'worse', but I stay calm. If the runt tries anything, I'll destroy her, and burn the forest to the ground. Suddenly, though a lone timber wolf, with violet eyes, which is weird, jumps into my path, drawing my ire.

"Fuck this shit!" I say, charging a fireball and preparing to launch it. This seems to aggravate the wooden pooch, and it growls, preparing to dodge. I've never been attacked by a timber wolf before, probably for various reasons, but there's a first time for everything, I suppose. For instance, this was going to be the first time I saw how fast a timber wolf burns

"Alright, mutt, let's..."

"WAIT! Cool it, Otsuna, he's with me." Kherrie says, and the wolf stops growling, looking curiously at us. Damn, I really wanted to kill something.

"Well, that was anticlimactic." I say solemnly, expecting something fun to happen for once. "And here I thought I was getting a fight..."

"I suppose, though it would not have been so much a fight, as a beat-down, prey." The timber wolf says, in a distinct Scandinavian accent. Now, I know what you're thinking: that animal just talked, and I'd never seen that before. So, logically, I should be startled, or at least interested. But I was teleported into a world of anthropomorphic ponies, raped by a dragon, 'befriended' a masochistic changeling, and played poker with gods. At this point, nothing short of a portal back home would surprise me. Or if I suddenly met rule 63 version of me, that'd be kind of odd. Hmm... if I met said version of me, and screwed her, would that be incest or masturbation? Wait, why am I think of having sex with a female version of myself when there's a talking wolf in front of me, calling me 'prey'?

"Who're you calling prey, Fido?" I ask menacingly.

"I'm female, simpleton." the timber wolf retorts.

"You talk like I care, bitch." I reply, wondering if I should end her anyway.

"Quite the mouth on him. Where did you find this one, Kherrie?" the wolf asks, looking to the small plant imp-thing.

"Otsuna, this is Malideus, our ticket back into business." Kherrie says, gesturing towards me.

"Is that so? I heard of the wizard, but I always assumed he would be more, you know, menacing?" Otsuna remarks. Honestly, I'm getting tired of the snarkiness of this world's inhabitants.

"So you've heard of me? That's quite odd, seeing how we're in the middle of the woods. In fact, it seems that everyone on the damned planet's heard of me." I say. Honestly, just how fast does word spread around here?

"Yes, all races have heard of Malideus, the Scourge Eternal. However, I heard that he was much more threatening. Ten feet tall, made of muscles, armor as black as the darkest night... It seems my sources were mistaken." Otsuna explains.

"Okay, we all get that he's no demon incarnate, but let's be reasonable here, he's our ticket to striking back at the ponies! I'm just taking him to the griffon kingdom so he can do something, and then we'll be back on top! You've heard what he's done, and though he seems a little scrawny, he's the best chance we have! Now, let us pass, so he can do his thing!" Kherrie pleads, and Otsuna sighs, shaking her head.

"Fine. I wish you luck, Malideus." Otsuna finally says, turning to walk away.

"I don't need luck." I say, walking past the timber wolf.

"It seems the rumors of his cockiness weren't fabricated in the slightest. A male after my own heart." the wolf says, eyeing me.

"Don't even think about it, pooch. The dragon was enough for me, I don't want to risk splinters." I say, keeping some distance between me and the unusual wolf.

"Fine. I'm still coming with you, though." Otsuna says.

"I don't care! Follow if you want, I could use the leverage. Now, are we going or not?" I ask impatiently.

"Of course! Follow me!" Kherrie says, marching onward. As we go onward, Otsuna starts asking questions.

"So, Malideus, where DO you come from?" She asks.

"My mom. If you're asking how I got here, I have no idea. On a similar note, why are you talking? In all my time here, I've never seen a timber wolf talk." I remark.

"Well, as you can see from my eyes, I am no ordinary wolf. I am, in fact, very different. The earth-magic that binds us was stronger than normal, resulting in the danger that is me. I was ostracized from every pack for this, and some... other complications with hierarchy. So, I wandered my whole life, until I met Kherrie. We have been allies ever since." Otsuna replies.

"It's true! She's very useful, and friendly!" Kherrie says.

"When I want to be..." Otsuna says. "So, Malideus, what has driven you to be such a sworn enemy of the ponies?" Otsuna asks.

"What, you ask? Well, there's no reason I can tell you. I just hate them, and always have. All their cutesy, sparkly, friendly ways... it makes me sick! I hate them for everything they do! I want to watch them burn until they learn that their way is wrong!" I yell, not intentionally, of course.

"I see. Quite a story, if I say so myself. So, what brings you to our little part of the woods?" Otsuna asks.

"Probably destiny!" Kherrie intervenes.

"It can't be anything short of that..." I mutter loudly.

"You can't possibly believe that. Destiny is a myth, something the weak use to justify their actions. What truly brought you here?" Otsuna asks.

"Trouble at the lair. I got no ride, so I walk." I say simply, and Otsuna seems to smile, if wooden dogs CAN smile.

"We're almost there!" Kherrie says, and indeed, the air has gotten drastically colder, and all the trees have become pines.

"What the hell? We've only walked a couple of hours at most!" I cry, staring in disbelief as we exit the forest, looking at a massive castle in the mountains.

"Because, I'm the forest goddess, silly!" Kherrie says, poking my helmet where my nose would be.

"It's true, she IS the forest goddess." Otsuna says, shivering.

"Whatever, let's just get over there, so I can finish this business." I say, walking to the castle, two stragglers in tow. As soon as I reach city limits, two griffon guards, who, by the way, look pretty much like regular griffons, but standing upright, stop me.

"Halt! No ponies past this point!" One says, so I grab him by the neck and lift him into the air.

"Who are you calling a pony, griffon? I am Malideus, the Scourge Eternal! Now git, before I destroy you." I say, tossing him aside while the other guard backs up to avoid my wrath. So, I continue unhindered, walking through the city to the main castle. I notice the architecture here is much simpler here than with the ponies, but I like that. I also notice the griffon citizens who stare at me, fear in their hawk-like eyes. Pretty much what I expected: Upright-standing griffons wearing togas and the occasional one with actual pants or a skirt. However, there's more than just eagles; there's doves, crows, hawks, even seagulls. Finally, after noting the city, I reach the castle where a guard stops me.

"Malideus, I assume?" A guard asks.

"Yeah." I reply simply.

"Yes, the high king is waiting inside." The guard says.

"Excellent." I say, getting into character.

"Um, I must ask you to leave your pets outside..." The guard says, but I ignore him.

"That's... not going to happen." I say, walking past him. So, I walk into the main castle. Nice architecture, if I do say so myself. Not as grandiose as the ponies' capital castle, granted, but still very nice. Finally, after walking through the heavy double doors, I see the king himself: a well-built, tall griffon, with grand, purple, gem-studded clothes, sitting at a throne at the end of a long banquet table. Basically, the picture of a king. Well, aside from me, of course. Actually, I'm more of an overlord, so scratch that thought. Suddenly, the king clears his throat, and addresses me, arms open;

"Ahh, Malideus! I'll ignore that you were a tad late, seeing as it was only a few minutes..."

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives exactly when he means to." I interrupt, excusing my lateness with that awesome quote.

"Ehrm, yes, I see. Still, we have refreshments, as promised. Please, have a seat, and let us talk peace." Archimedes says, and I almost drool as the servants bring in roasted meat and wine. Hey, I'm not much of a drinker, but there's a first time for everything, right? So, I sit at the far end from Archimedes, Kherrie gets up and climbs on the table, mowing down on the various meat products before her, while Otsuna sits there, munching on a turkey leg.

"Your... friends... seem quite hungry." Archimedes notes.

"I prefer the term acquaintances; I don't make 'friends'." I say, sipping at my wine. I don't really like wine, but whatever. When in Rome, I guess.

"Oh. Then I suppose that you wouldn't consider us 'friends' when you take over?" Archimedes asks.

"I will consider my allies, if that's what you're asking. See, you made a great choice in surrendering yourselves to me: I've recently made a breakthrough in the annihilation of the ponies: I'm recruiting an army. However, like any army, it needs food. You, Archimedes, will supply that food, and whatever else I decide we need, if you are to keep my army from 'accidentally' burning your lovely city to the ground. I assume we're clear?" I ask.

"Is that a threat?" Archimedes asks warily.

"Oh, Archimedes, do you think me so shallow, as to threaten a king in his own home? No, 'threat' is such a strong, nasty word. I prefer the term 'warning'. See? Much nicer. However, much like a threat, a warning is still to be taken seriously, as you understand." I say, and Archimedes sits lower in his throne.

"I... I understand your position, Malideus. We certainly do not wish anything to come between our alliance. I will agree to these terms, should you allow us to continue existing." Archimedes says, and I smile beneath my helmet.

"Excellent. But, in truth, this whole arrangement seems so one-sided. I would very much like not to be known as selfish, or greedy, so, I offer a gift myself, to honor this momentous occasion." I say, pulling out the Oghma Infinium.

"Oh? And what would be this 'gift'?" Archimedes says, looking at the book.

"A spell, good king. I can summon a portion of the devils at my disposal to protect your lands, in the event you should come under attack." I say, readying a mass summoning spell.

"Ah, uh, no thank you, Malideus, we have sizable forces enough." Archimedes says, looking worried.

"Suit yourself." I say, putting the book away. "So, king, I heard you have a daughter. Any truth to that?" I ask, remembering Kragda-Maul's cryptic warning.

"Yes, I, uh, I do. Why? You don't intend to sacrifice her, do you?" Archimedes asks, both jokingly and nervously.

"Of course not, I was simply making small talk. Where is she, if I may ask?" I, well, ask.

"Well, she's off making a treaty with someone else, you know how diplomacy is, ha ha." Archimedes chuckles.

"Indeed. Well, if there's no paperwork, I'd say our business is concluded." I say, getting up.

"Oh, wait, Malideus!" Archimedes calls after me, and I stop. "Surely you are exhausted from walking the whole way here?" he asks.

"I'm fine." I say.

"Well, it would still be an honor if you were to rest here for tonight, to be sure!" Archimedes says.

"I can't. I have business elsewhere, involving royalty, no less. You know how diplomacy is." I say, getting up.

"Aww..." Kherrie whines, putting down her half-finished drumstick.

"About time, I'm freezing." Otsuna says, getting up. Then, we walk out of the castle, our business concluded. I then look into the sky, and see that nightfall is fast approaching; Luna's final raising of the moon, before her change in management.

"Alright, you two, this is where we part ways. It's been fun, but I have a date with destiny, and you two aren't invited." I say, and Kherrie gets flustered.

"Whaaaat!? But... but you promised you'd let us in on your army! You shook on it!" Kherrie whines.

"I say a lot of things, Kherrie, that doesn't mean I'll ever act on them." I say, preparing to teleport back home.

"You can't leave! You sealed a deal with an old god! If you break it, the consequences will be dire!" Kherrie says, and I suddenly feel a sharp, but ignore-able pain in my guts, causing me to wince.

"What the heck..?" I mutter.

"That pain you felt was the curse kicking in! The closer you come to breaking your deal with me, the closer the curse comes to taking full effect. The particular curse varies with the promise made, the god you dealt with, and their dispositions, and let me tell you, you will NOT like this one." Kherrie warns.

"You little bitch... and I assume the wolf wants in on it, too?" I ask.

"That wouldn't be a bad assumption." Otsuna says, and I groan.

"You ass. If I have to carry you both, I'm gonna..." I say, but I'm interrupted by a cough behind me, so I turn, and see a scrawny, smart-looking griffon behind me, his thick glasses reflecting the light and hiding his eyes.

"What the hell do you want, four-eyes? I ask.

"Ah, ahem, I heard that you were in town, and we had heard much of your exploits, oh great Mal..." He says, but I interrupt him.

"Spit it out! Who are you, and what do you want?" I ask, and the griffon seems to have a heart attack, but he quickly gets over it, and replies:

"Ah, I am FlitterFeather, and, well, I want to join!" He says. So, I stare at him for a bit. He's physically weak, he wears giant glasses, and he seems completely malleable to my whims. How could I NOT hire him?

"Alright, FlutterFeather..."

"I-it's FlitterFeather, sir." He interrupts.

"That's what I said. Now, If you REALLY want the job, I need a reason to hire you." I say.

"Well, I'm an excellent scholar, I'm quite brilliant, if I say so myself, and, well, I would enjoy to see everything bent to your way of thinking." FlitterFeather says, shaking. I like him already, but Otsuna does not.

"Malideus, you can not seriously be considering hiring this weakling... I smell weakness and virginity on him." Otsuna says, causing FlitterFeather to first blush, then look at her, a shocked look on his face.

"D-did that timber wolf just t-talk?" FlitterFeather asks.

"It's a long story I'd rather not recite right now. Tell you what, four-eyes: If you can get us out of here, I'll put you on my roster. Deal?" I ask, and FlitterFeather shifts his glasses, then replies:

"Yes, that can be done. I know a fast way down the mountain, but it's, eh, risky." he says.

"I love risks. Now take us down there." I say, and Otsuna groans, Kherrie remains oblivious, munching on a turkey leg she sneaked out of the castle, and FlitterFeather sighs.

"Oh... okay... but I can't guarantee safe passage! I've been down there, and I've seen corpses, all of them mashed, gored, or ripped in half! I can only shudder at what might be down there..." he says.

"Yeah, touching. Take me down there, so I can get home and chew out one of my insubordinate 'allies' for making me walk here." I say, and FlitterFeather moans, then leads the way. We walk out of the gate first, past the terrified guards, and down the mountain, following our questionable new guide down the mountain, and while we walk, I notice a large burn on Otsuna's side, and decide to question it:

"Hey, Otsuna, what's with that burn?" I ask, startling her.

"Wha..? Oh, this. I had a run-in with a phoenix when I was young. I won, of course, because I know that water kills them fast, but before I could douse the bastard, he got me in the side with the brunt of his anger." Otsuna says.

"Douse him? How were you able to grab him to do that?" I ask.

"I didn't. I am quite adept at water magic, so I picked some up and threw it at him. Then, he fell into the lake and drowned." Otsuna says.

"Wait, wait, the timber wolf uses magic, too?!" FlitterFeather asks, astounded, as am I.

"I had no idea." I say, dumbfounded.

"Well, remember when I said that the magic binding me was stronger? I kinda understated just how much stronger it was." Otsuna says, looking embarrassed.

"Cool." I say. "I bet you can't do that, Kherrie." I say, chiding Kherrie, who just finished her drumstick and tossed away the bone.

"Hey, I used to be a god. Just because I'm small now doesn't mean I'll be like this forever." She says. Indeed, since we entered that castle, she has gotten bigger, and not rounder, like, taller. She was six inches and weighed like a ragdoll before, but now Kherrie looked to have almost doubled in size gained a slimmer figure, and weighed around two pounds now, I guess. Jesus Christ, she wasn't kidding about this being her base form. Still, if this rate continued, I could only guess at how lame her next form would be.

"Whatever." Was my final reply. After that, we continued to walk, and we finally reached a path, which was littered with various footprints, including Ponies, griffons, and and what looked like paws. However, as we continued down, we began to see bones, all to large to be the local wildlife. Then, after the bones, come the gory remains of various races, bones and frozen organs litter the ground, all mutilated beyond recognition. And beyond that, a cave.

"Well, this is the dangerous part." FlitterFeather says, and a sudden roar breaks our silence, as a massive, armored minotaur exits the cave.

"None shall pass here! Turn back now, or perish!" The minotaur says.

"Oh, dear..." FlitterFeather says, fainting. While he falls in the snow, I just stand there, defiant of the minotaur.

"You and what army, Mister Testosterone?" I ask.

"I need no army to kill you, pests! I warn you again, turn back now, or die!" The minotaur says, and I laugh.

"I got this, peeps. Blam!" I say, casting a fireball at the minotaur, knocking him on his back. He seems content with laying there, so I decide that, since he pissed me off, I'm gonna loot his cave. So, I go in, and what I see both amazes and disappoints me: There, in the back of the cave, is a giant, crystalline statue, chipped and full of holes, like a changeling's leg, but it still retains such a mirror finish, even in said chips and holes, that I can barely look at it without getting a headache.

"Ugh... What is it..?" I ask, both amazed and tired of looking at it.

"I have no idea." Kherrie says helpfully.

"It's a glass golem! The diamond dogs used to create these as machines of war and heavy lifters way back when! They've long lost the knowledge of how to make them now, but shut-down ones are still being discovered, and we've found one!" FlitterFeather says, looking at the golem.

"Cool. You know, you said these things were machines of war... I wonder..." I trail off, reaching out to touch it.

"Wait! We don't know how it will react to seeing us, and they're nigh invincible! That's why no one's ever activated them!" FlitterFeather cries, reaching out to stop me.

"Oh, please, what's the worst that could happen?" I ask.

"It could kill us." Otsuna says sarcastically.

"I meant the worst that could happen to ME. Tell you what, if it kills me, you have my permission to run." I say, searching the golem for an 'on' switch. Finally, I get frustrated, and hit it with my fist.

"Well, that was a waste. Let's..." I try to say go, but I am interrupted by a sudden noise, like when machinery starts up, but higher-pitched and more like someone spinning their finger around the rim of a crystal glass, but way louder. As we turn around, I see the golem waking up, getting out of it's hunched position, and standing up, and finally raising it's head, which was pretty much featureless save for a v-shaped visor, from which two blue lights shown, likely it's eyes. Finally, the behemoth focuses on me, and begins to walk toward me, at which I prepare to bolt, along with everyone else. However, as soon as it approaches me, it stands there, staring at me... and it kneels.

"You have awoken me, wizard, and I am grateful. How may I serve you, O greatest of sorcerers?" The golem says, surprising everyone, especially me. I thought I was going to die!

"Uh... Yeah... do you have, like, a name?" I ask the golem, who tilts its head in confusion.

"Scanning database... Positive. My identification is Hezafen, Master. As is custom in introduction, may I address you as something other than Master?" The golem asks.

"Yes, Hezafen. You may call me Malideus. But can I ask what you're doing all the way up here?" I ask.

"Unknown. I was deactivated an unknown time ago, and have no recollection of events that led to my being here. However, I do remember being inactive for this duration, and it was quite boring. So, as thanks for freeing me, I now decide to serve you, Malideus." Hezafen says, and I grin beneath my helmet.

"Alright. You aren't gonna melt if we get off the mountain, are you?" I ask.

"Negative. I am composed of reflective hardened silicon compounds, not ice." Hezafen replies.

"Awesome. Let's go, then." I say, and we continue our trek off the mountain. However, before we can go on, the minotaur gets back up, startling me.

"You have beaten me. How is this so?" It asks. Well, so much for dialogue with this guy.

"I don't know. Why are you still talking to me? Shouldn't you be dead?" I ask.

"I am dead. I am crush, and have guarded the glass golem you have awakened for hundreds of years, bound to it by an ancient curse. And since my charge is to protect it, I know see no other option but to follow you in turn." Crush says.

"Whatever, man, the more the merrier." I say irately. At this point, I might as well be carrying a sign that reads "Hey, I'm trying to go home, so come bug me and follow me to my lair!". God, I hate quests. Still, the glass golem and minotaur are pretty awesome. So, I continue, hopefully unhindered, to the lair, where I'm now going to have to explain to Mizzy why I now have a stuffed animal, a timber wolf, a walking boulder made of hard glass, an undead minotaur, and a nerd following me. Oh, well, at least tonight, I hope, will be better.

Author's Notes:

Sorry if it was a bit rushed, I had a deadline to keep. Still, I hope I can make the next one better, with more OC's to add!

OC's included: FlitterFeather by Critfist, Hezafen by Dracus, Otsuna by Vibrant lies, Kherrie by Total Eclipse, and Crush, by Storm the castle.

Now that THAT's done, let's see what next chapter looks like! Until then, bronies.