The day after my 'incident' with the Tree of Harmony, I got my supplies together, and we were off. Now, I stand at the gates of the city of Canterlot itself, home of three vengeful princesses. I don't know what happened to Cadence since I put her into a world of hurt, but I know she isn't here. Or, at least, I hope not. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

"And you're sure you don't need me or Whip, or even Kelias?" Mizzy asks, and I sigh, preparing to explain to her, for the tenth time, why not.

"For the eleventh time, Mizzy, Kelias and his pit will burn everything to the ground before I can get what I want, Whip is dead weight, and you are NOT stealthy. Now, if you'll kindly leave, before you blow my cover." I say, and Mizzy sighs.

"You're gonna get caught, you know." Mizzy says.

"If I do, you are fully capable of bailing me out. Now, I have a mission to complete, so get off my back, woman!" I say, and Mizzy huffs, then flies off. Alright, I'm here, now how do I get in there? I can't blow it down, because that will give away my position, and I can't climb the wall, because there are a lot of guards up there. I look around for a way in not involving strenuous physical activity, but I see nothing that looks acceptable. Yep, these walls are impregnable, and I start to wish I'd brought my army. Still, I have to go this task alone, and I have to kick ass doing it. After all, what's the point of being an all-powerful, godlike sorcerer if you're not gonna use your powers? With my resolve renewed, I get a brilliant idea: I practiced the fuck out of my teleporting skills for this occasion, and now was the time to use those skills.

"Alright, Chris, you got this..." I say to myself, and I shake around, stretch, and prepare for gut-wrenching nausea. I then cross my arms, and select my jump to be, oh, 5, no, 10 feet? Make it 15, just to be safe. So, I select my destination, close my eyes, and feel a minor weightlessness as my body zaps from here to 15 feet away, which was inches from a house wall. That could have ended badly, but it didn't. Now, I could begin my epic journey to...

"Hey, you!" a guard shouts at me, interrupting my thoughts. Without thinking, I whip about and zap him with my staff, turning him into a statue made of Gorgonzola cheese. Well, so much for subtlety, but at least the mice will be well fed. Wordlessly, I turn and walk away, skulking behind buildings as I walk. Soon, I come across the market place, and stop as I hear an interesting conversation:

"...The whole town, infested by what Celestia calls 'devils'! I don't know about that, but they say that they can't rebuild the town until they're gone!" one pony says.

"I heard. Saw one for myself, actually! looked like the spawn of a rat, a monkey, and a dragon! Bastard set my tail on fire, too, and just started cackling!" another says.

"I heard that Malideus is behind those awful things! Now that they've set home in the ruins of Ponyville, they can't even go near it without losing entire platoons to them! Damn that wizard, I hope they catch him and string him upside-down by his hooves!" the first says.

"I heard he ain't even a pony, but some kind o' demon!" a third says, and I zone out after that. As I continue stalking about, I hear many conversations, all very similar to that first one. It's nice to know that my work is appreciated, but these ponies really want to see me dead! Ah well, an artist's work is never fully accepted by everyone, I suppose. Nevertheless, I feel tempted to start a panic by appearing in the middle of the crowds, but I refrain; my current affliction is more important than the horrified screams of countless thousands, after all. So, after patting myself on the back, I continue to sneak toward the castle, just like when I rescued Mizzy. Then, I climb up through a window, and cast a cloaking spell on myself. It's kinda weak, since I don't really dabble in illusion, but it's there, and the guards seem fooled, which is enough for me. So, without further ado, I proceed up the stairs, into the upper levels, occasionally shanking a guard that gets too nosy, and I just wander. I see various rooms, all extravagant, but not to my tastes. I've always been fond of black and red, myself, and this place was just too white. That aside, I enter one room, which turns out to be a treasury of sorts. I see the gold and gems piled up in ginormous mountains, and I'm tempted to pocket them, but they'll just slow me down when I make my daring escape, so I (reluctantly) leave them, and continue my quest. I search this floor for hours, but I can't find anything, so I proceed up another flight of stairs. This one, I like: All the doors are few, but nicely arranged, so searching here should be easy.

So, I search the first of the twelve rooms with a steady eye, but I see nothing library-like, save a monitor, which was weird, for various reasons. However, I ignore the computer (and the reference, as most of you will) and move on to the next room. The next room, right across the hall, was no different, having nothing to speak of in the manner of books. So, I move on, to the next one, then the next one, then the next one, all to no avail. Finally, I make it to the twelfth door, and I open it, revealing a dining room of sorts. God, this castle is confusing. So I go up each set of stairs after hours upon hours of searching, until I finally reach a spiral staircase into a tower to my right, and a hallway to my left. Again, I hate towers, so I pick the hallway first. I walk for a bit, taking in the niceness of the castle, and I come to the end of the hall, which is two double doors. I then shrug, thinking it's worth a shot, and I slowly open the doors, sneaking into... a medical wing?

Indeed, it was a hospital wing, and I immediately heard the groans and wails of the injured, and, despite my better judgement, took a look inside. After all, always cause havoc where order is due, as I always said... a few weeks ago... Anyway, moving on, so I'm looking around the hospital, and I see a lot of injured soldiers, all very much burned up, and I remember the villagers talking about the devils, and how they numbered enough to defend their nest from entire battalions of soldiers. Clearly, devils breed like rabbits, who knew? Not that I'm complaining. So, I look around, and I see not only soldiers, but civilians who tried to help them, and, of course, princess Luna. She seems at unease about something as she lays, barely conscious, in her medical bed, and I can NOT resist making her day off a little more uncomfortable. So, I creep up to her bed, then her ear, and I whisper:

"Don't think I've forgotten about your deal, Luna." I whisper, and the effect is immediate: Luna's face starts to look pained, and she begins to toss, turn and whimper.

"N-no, Chris... N-not the m-maid outfit..." Luna mutters, her slumber now permanently ruined by me. Oh, how I revel in... wait, what was that about a maid outfit? Oh, forget it. Now, my side quest complete, I then make my way out of the room, when I see this snobbish-looking pony carrying bowls of soup and water, and grumbling something about being too good for work. Now, I hate ponies, but snobs who don't like work are pretty much number one on my shit list. Oh, but killing him would just be doing them a favor, and I hate doing favors... so, I get a brilliant idea! I sneak up behind the prat, and push him down, causing all that stuff he was carrying to fall on top of him.

"What!? Who's there!? When my aunt hears about th-ACK!!!" I interrupt his prattling with a quick swipe of my staff to his neck, and the ass goes down like a sack of rocks. Then, I summon a permanent sharpie marker into my hands, and draw a penis on his face. Yes, it was immature, but it was funny at the time. Besides, he's now injured, so I'm happy, and he's not dead, so they're not. Win! Anyway, after I finish my magnificent face art, I giggle, then creep away to that tower I saw earlier. I hated the idea, but if that library was anywhere, it was there, all the way up those untrustworthy, rickety flights of wooden planks... I'm fine, I can do this. So, I walk up the stairs, and I am on the verge of giving up. Finally, after a while of trying, I finally wuss out, and just decide to climb up the wall. So, I then squeeze myself out of a window,and find that I'm already a considerable distance from the ground. Well, it was either this, or take the stairs, and the choice, I think, was pretty obvious.

So, after a while of getting my footing and grip on the stone bricks of the outer wall, I look down one last time, praying to whatever god, goddess, or demon that would listen that I did not fall, because I was going to make quite a mess if I did. I shudder at the thought, but I keep calm, and get a grip on my resolve. So, I've never climbed a rock wall in my life, but how hard could it be? That in mind, I grip the next brick with my claws, and try to force myself up. Thankfully, I succeed, and I put my boot up next, then my other hand, then my other boot. pretty soon, I have the climbing thing figured out in theory, but in practice, I was about to pass out from fear. Yeah, I get scared too, so what? Anyway, I start climbing, hand, foot, hand, foot, and I make it up pretty high. I don't bother looking down, though, I just focus on my target: the window. I don't look down, because I know that if I do, that's where I'm going. So I press on, and after a minute or two of physical labor, I reach the window, squeeze through it, and look around. I'm in a round hall, meaning there must be a door to a central room of sorts. Before I can search for it, though, a whole mess of guards comes around the bend, and they all rush down the stairs. So, if I had been on them, at my rate of ascension, I'd have been fucked. But I didn't, and I'm safe. Extremely physically drained, but safe. So, with no guards around, I drop my cloak spell, and proceed to search for a door.

It isn't long before I find one, needless to say, and I'm pretty damn happy.

"Alright, this has got to be it! Let's see what you... huh? What!? LOCKED!?" I shout, then, with all my pent-up anger, I blast the doors in with a fireball the size of, well, me. Needless to say, the doors exploded into burning little wooden chunks, and a loud explosion resounded throughout the tower.

"Shit." I say simply, knowing that every guard in a thousand-yard radius had to have heard that. So, I go in, cast a magic barrier behind me, like most video game bosses do when you aren't ready to face them, and I begin to frantically search for a book that could cure me. I search for a few good minutes, when I hear the guards come up the stairs, and surround my barrier.

"Freeze! Come out with your hands up, Malideus!" One guard says, but I ignore him, flipping through my current book. Then, that guard gets pissy and tries to hit the barrier.

"I said come out of there, wizard!" The guard says, hitting the barrier with his shield.

"Nah, I'm good. Say, could you not hit that? It's enchanted to kill anyone that hits it more than ten times in a row. That, and you're really loud." I say, and the guards all back off, now afraid of my shield.

"Listen here, Malideus, you can't stay in there forever! We have already notified the princess that you are here, and she is on her way as we speak!" The guard says.

"Well, then let her come. She can challenge me, but you peasants aren't fit to polish my boots." I say, putting the useless book down and rifling through the shelf for a new one.

"And why not?" The guard asks.

"Because..." I begin, clearing my throat. "YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!" I say loudly, in my most demonic voice, and the guards all back up, thinking I'm about to obliterate them. Well, I'm not, but I have just now found a spell that I might try if they keep pestering me.

"That's it! Where's a mage?" The guard asks, and I sigh, having had enough of his shenanigans. Using the new spell, I flick my staff at the guard, and he collapses to the floor, convulsing as if his body was being pumped full of raw electricity. Then, he stops, and explodes into a bloody, gory mess, causing me to cringe in disgust bloody giblets fly into the barrier and cook, creating a horrible smell, from what I can guess anyway. No smell can get through the barrier, but the guards are all turning green and vomiting into their helmets, so I can only assume that it smells pretty rank.

"Eugh, that wasn't supposed to happen! Sorry about that!" I say as every guard in the room stares in horror at the mess that once was their leader.

"Here, let me try that again..." I say, and every guard in the room flees for his or her life, all pushing and shoving to escape becoming my next test subject. Aww, and I really wanted to try this 'want-it-need-it' spell out... No matter, I have those devils back home, still. Or maybe I'll kidnap a few ponies here, and use them. Either way works for me. So I pocket the book, and I begin my search for another. With any hope, the stampede of guards will slow down Celestia and buy me some time to... oh, here it is!

"Let's see... emotional purge... an emotion-based attack spell that utilizes one's feelings by purging them from the body and mind and sending them out as a mental shockwave that can fry even the most shielded minds. Its range and effectiveness depend upon the intensity and variation of the feelings being used... warning, the emotions you will purge will have to be re-taught to you, so only use this spell as a last resort. Welp, I'm sold." I say, looking at on how to use it. However, as soon as I get to that part, Celestia storms in, huffing and puffing and looking PIIIIIIISSED. Still, I'm in here, and she's out there, so I get a little cocky.

"Oh, hello, Short Round." I say, and Celestia turns even redder as she recognizes that I've made both a short and a fat joke.

"I'm going to end you, Malideus!" Celestia says, then she tries to destroy the shield, but her spell deflects, destroying a window instead.

"Ha! That was weak! Jeez, when I took some of your power, I didn't realize I took your aim, too!" I laugh, and Celestia looks ready to bust a capillary.

"So, O Goddess of the sun, how's it been going?" I ask.

"Stop taunting me!" Celestia screams, hurling more bolts at my shield.

"God damn, Celly, did you suddenly turn sixteen again? Jeez, learn some anger management." I say, further infuriating Celestia. God, this was fun!

"Malideus, I'm going to kill you one way or another! Just come of there so it can be done and over with!" Celestia says, but I yawn.

"Nah, I like it in here. All these books, you being so frustrated over being just a barrier away from killing me, Why didn't I think of this sooner?" I say, reclining against a shelf. Suddenly, though, Celestia punches the shield, shattering it.

"Oh, Hell." I say, preparing the spell.

"Malideus, I'm going to tear your sorry carcass in half!" Celestia says, but I have an ace up my sleeve. As soon as she comes close to me, I whip out an old friend...

"Pocket sand!" I yell, tossing my granular missiles into Celestia's eyes, causing her to scream and cover them. Then, I reach for her to absorb the rest of her power, but she turns around and roundhouse kicks me into a shelf, causing tons of books to fall on top of me. However, I break free, and point my staff at her.

"How did you resist my packet sand attack?!" I ask.

"I'm wearing contacts!" Celestia says, lunging at me.

"Where the hell did you find contact lenses that fit those huge-ass eyes?!" I ask, dodging.

"I had them shipped! My store has all the right contact brands for everyone, even you!" Celestia says, casting a bolt at me, which I deflect.

"That's impossible, they can't have my brand! I have special eyes!" I say.

"Look with your special eyes!" Celestia yells, headbutting me. Indeed, she was wearing contacts.

"My brand... and my head!" I wail, falling back into another shelf. The fight lasts a good minute, and I finally decide I've had enough. Her speed and agility surprise me, and I can't grip her to use my MMA on her, but I can do one other thing, and kill two birds with one stone.

"Alright, Celly, get ready to get some magic all up in here!" I say, readying my spell. As soon as I begin the incantation, though, Celestia puts me into a sleeper hold, but she can't quite get me down, so I back into every surface I can, and when she finally lets go, I punch her face, lift her up, and pull a piledriver on her, and she stays down for a good while. So, I begin the spell again, but Celestia, ever the persistent one, gets up.

"You just don't know when to stay down, don't you, bitch?" I say, then, I try to punch her again, but she grabs my arm, and holds her elbow over it, and I start to curse as I realize what she's going to do.

"Please don't break my arm..." I plead.

"No." Celestia says, and the bitch snaps it in half.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream, holding my limp arm. I've never had an arm broken before, and now I know that it HURTS LIKE A FUCKING BITCH!!! So, I roundhouse kick her in the face, sending her sprawling into a shelf, and then shift to my healing spell, and grip my arm, forcing it to heal. It works, and in no time, my arm can move, but it still fucking hurts. So, I wiggle it out, grip my staff, and lunge at her again. This time, though, she grapples me, then pins me into the floor, and holds the back of my neck to keep my head down.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to destroy you now." Celestia says, charging a spell. However, I feel brave, so I bluff:

"Strike me down, Celestia, and I will only become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" I say, and Celestia seems to contemplate this.

"I'll take my chances. Goodbye, Malideus." Celestia says, but before she can fire her spell, I grip her leg, and send enough amperage into her to kill a horse... Which is ironic, because it didn't kill her. Instead, she sat there a while after, then fell to the floor, twitching every so often.

"God, that was annoying." I say, getting up and dusting myself off. Well, I've beaten Celestia again, and I almost died doing so. Still, it was a good day. I got a spell to purge the good from my mind, and I beat up Celestia, and drew a dick on her nephew's face. So, I'm happy. Is anyone else? No. How do I know that? Because I hear an army marching up the stairs. I can't take on an army at my level, so I need an escape. As I look for one, a book drops on my head from the shelf, open on a certain page: Space-Time travel.

"What the hell..?" I ask, looking at it. "Why would I want to travel through time?" I ask. Suddenly, the guards come up the stairs, all led by Twilight, who seems to have healed quite nicely since we last met.

"Malideus, stop. We have you surrounded, just give up." Twilight says. God, I hate this fucking speech.

"For the last time, bitch, I'm not going to give up just because you have an army! I have power, you don't. Now let the grown ups work here!" I say, flipping Twilight the bird.

"I'm tired of this, Malideus! You've just been popping up and ruining everything since you got here! You just mess something up, run away, and then pull some other stunt! What do you want from us?! What do you want us to do?!" Twilight pleads.

"Die." I reply simply, casting a lightning bolt at her, which then arcs to every other pony in the room, save Celestia. Then, I grab the time travel book, and prepare to cast the spell. However, the target is not me, but the Mane Six.

"Ehn... Wha..? What are you doing..?" Twilight asks.

"You and your gang have been pestering me long enough! I think you six need a time out." I say, preparing a time warp.

"Oh, no you don't!" Rainbow Dash says, and she tackles me, interrupting the spellmaking process, and forcing me to dive for cover as a temporal explosion rips the library apart, and me and the mane six almost get turned into starstuff, when the whole maddening display abruptly stops, and is absorbed into a single, point, and that pinprick of purple light then explodes, clouding my vision in white for a second. Then, after a while, I'm able to see again. And just what do I see? Well, I'm in an open area with floating rocks everywhere, and there's a giant table made of stone in front of me, and there's the craziest thing I ever saw in my life right before me: Nicol Bolas, a giant, scythe-wielding demon, an amorphous entity I recognize as Hermaeus Mora, a bird-headed god-like thing, and a heavily-armored, red, demonic guy, all playing poker together.

"The fuck..?" I ask, absolutely positive I'm hallucinating this time. Then, I see the Mane Six next to me, with the same expressions as mine, and I think I majorly fucked up.

"Full Houshe." I hear Hermaeus Mora boom, and the scythe-carrying demon throws his cards into the air.

"You cheating blob! You stacked the damn cards, I know it!" The demon shouts.

"Well he stacked 'em good, losers, 'cuz I got a Royal Flush! Chips for the chip god, bitches!" The armored demon exclaims, throwing his arms over the table to collect the chips.

"Khorne, don't do that, you'll break the table. And Nefarox, maybe if you stopped betting all your fucking chips, you wouldn't lose all the time." The bird-like demon says.

"Fuck you, Tzneetch, You're just jealous because I got all your followers' souls last time!" The Scythe-carrying demon I'm assuming to be Nefarox exclaims, and Tzneetch goes off on him.

"Because you bribed Mora to fold! We both know he would have beat you if you didn't bribe him with half your winnings!"

"Enough, both of you! Jeez, Nurgle and Slaneesh get along better than you two!" Nicol Bolas scolds, causing the demons to sit back down.

"Had to bring germ-monger and superfag into this, didn't you, Bolas?" Khorne asks.

"Don't start with me, Khorne!" Nicol Bolas says.

"If I may interrupt, there are intrudersh in our midsht." Hermaeus Mora says, and Nicol Bolas looks around then sees me and the Mane Six looking on, and so do the rest. Ah, shit.

"HEY! Ain't that the sorcerer that's fuckin' your niece, Bolas?" Khorne asks.

"THAT'S the kid?! I thought he'd be taller! He'd have to be to get it into YOUR niece, Bolas." Nefarox says.

"Yeah. What the hell are you doing here, boy? And who the fuck are they?" Nicol Bolas asks, pointing at the Mane Six, who all look ready to piss themselves.

"Uhhh..." was my brilliant and witty reply.

"Look, kid, I don't have all eternity, I'm in the middle of an important game here. Now tell me what you want and get out." Bolas says, and Tzneetch interjects:

"Maybe those six dragged him here. Interesting specimens, if I do say so myself... Are they for sale, boy?" Tzneetch asks me.

"Hey, lay off, bird face! Those chew toys are MINE!" Khorne says, and Bolas slams his fist on the table, silencing them.

"Shut it, both of you! Malideus, what do you want?!" Bolas asks.

"I just want to go back! These six interrupted a spell I cast and got us all dragged here! Where even IS here, anyway?" I ask, and Bolas sighs, muttering something I don't catch.

"We're in the heart of the warp. And what the hell did you try to cast that sent you here?" Bolas asks.

"Time travel spell." I say, and Bolas nods.

"Ugh, That'll do it. Well, I guess I should send you back..." Bolas says, and Rainbow Dash pipes up:

"Hey! What about us?" she asks.

"What about you?" Nicol Bolas asks. "You six are the ones who interrupted our game. For all I care, you can just be chips." he says.

"I shay we bet them. I quite deshire new shpecies to add to my collection." Hermaeus Mora shays, er, says.

"Yeah, they interrupted, and I want them! Their skulls will make an excellent addition to my throne!" Khorne yells.

"Who says you're getting them? I'm clearly more deserving of such interesting specimens than you." Tzneetch says, drawing the blood god's ire.

"Well, since you guys want them so bad, I think I'll just win them for the sake of not letting you have them!" Nefarox says.

"Oh, fine. We'll put them on top of our current stakes: Dominaria, Mora's book, Nefarox's souls, Tzneetch's prized lab kit, and the ownership of Khorne's cereal brand: Khorne's Khorne Flakes." Nicol Bolas says in a disinterested tone, and the Mane Six vanish in a second, appearing in an orb along with the other winnings. I feel tempted to just leave them, but a sudden twinge of guilt fills me, and I suddenly want to save them, because I know that those demons won't stop at just killing them; they'll make them suffer, and I have enough hate on my head, so my heroic side decides to play for their souls.

"Hey, Nicol, I might actually want those six back." I say.

"Boy, be thankful I'm sending you back to my niece." Bolas says.

"Well, what if I played for them?" I ask. I played a game of poker or two in the past, so how much different could it be with gods? Nonetheless, everyone in the room, save for Hermaeus Mora, looks at me like I'm on drugs. Then, Bolas laughs.

"Kid, do you even PLAY poker?" He asks, and then I let my inner villain out, and bluff the crap out of him.

"Hell yeah. One hand. If I win, I take them with me, and you guys can continue your game." I say, sitting on the mountainous table.

"Right, make an ante, then." Bolas says, and I put my staff on the table.

"Is that the staff that I made you, boy?" Nicol Bolas asks, and I nod.

"Yeah, I'm willing to bet that staff for this game." I say, and the other four nod and mumble in approval. Clearly, they want the staff.

"Boy, if neither of us wins, I'm going to kill you." Nicol Bolas says, then he snaps his fingers, putting the staff into the ante orb.

"Alright, the game's 5-card draw, and the bets are in souls, just like every time. Mora, you deal. And no stacking!" Nicol yells, and Mora grumbles something about getting no respect as he passes the cards, five for each of us. I got a damn good hand, four kings and a 1. Then, the betting begins: First up is Tzneetch.

"I throw 1,500 souls into the pot." Tzneetch says, and I can hear a horrible wail as all those souls go into a crystal in the center of the table. Next is Khorne:

"I raise 2,500." Khorne says, filling the pot with more souls. Crap, I don't have souls. Ah, well, I still have some, from that tree I absorbed. Besides, my luck can't be THAT bad.

"Alright, I call." I say, putting 2,500 souls in there. Then, Hermaeus Mora goes after me.

"I call... ashholesh." Mora says, putting his souls in, and Nicol Bolas goes after.

"I call." Nicol Bolas says, throwing his 2,500 souls in. Finally, Nefarox puts his due into the pot.

"Dammit, Khorne... Call." Nefarox says, and then the cycle repeats, and everyone pretty much calls. Then, we begin the next part. Tzneetch stares at his cards intently, and discards three cards, so he's got two of something, but I don't know what. Khorne hastily discards one card, so I've got to be careful of him. I discard my one spade, and get my replacement: another spade. Big surprise. Next is Hermaeus Mora, who discards three cards, then Nicol Bolas, who doesn't discard a thing, big surprise, and finally Nefarox, who starts chuckling to himself as he discards two cards.

"What's funny, farmhand?" Tzneetch asks.

"Your mom." Nefarox growls, and Khorne snickers.

"Enough. Tzneetch, you gonna bet or fold?" Nicol asks, and Tzneech looks at his cards with hawk-like intensity.

"He's probably got a flush... again." Khorne remarks, and Nefarox groans.

"He ALWAYS gets a fucking straight flush the first hand..." Nefarox says.

"I fold." Tzneetch says, placing his cards to the middle.

"Well, I'll be an Aedra, that'sh a firsht!" Mora says.

"I bet the usual." Khorne says, putting another 2,500 souls in the pot. I, though, have a good hand, so I go for it.

"I raise the bet to 3,000." I say, putting my remaining souls in. Thankfully, I've got a great poker face, and a helmet, so no one can see my game.

"Damn you mortalsh... fold." Mora says.

"Don't get all soggy, Hermy, he's probably all bet out. I call." Bolas says, and Nefarox grumbles something before calling.

"Alright, hands." Nicol Bolas says, and Khorne throws down first:

"Straight, bitches!" Khorne shouts.

"Flush, dickhead! Oh, you got flushed!" Nefarox taunts.

"Full house." Nicol Bolas says, smiling that smug smile of his. Finally, it's my turn.

"Four kings." I say, and I take the pot, shocking everyone, especially Nicol Bolas.

"T-that's not right! I want a rematch!" Khorne demands, slamming his fist to the table.

"Calm down, Khorne. Alright, kid you got lucky that time, but I'm altering the deal. Two more hands, boy, last person with the pot gets the loot." Nicol Bolas says, and I agree. I bet my staff, what choice did I have?

So, the next round proceeded like normal, with Khorne raising first, and I got a crappy hand both times, both being pairs of threes at best, so I folded. but this time, Nefarox folded second round, and Hermaeus Mora almost took the pot with a flush, except that Tzneetch and Bolas tied for a straight flush, which Nicol Bolas, of course won. Then, the final round began, and I got dealt my starting hand: Two kings, and a five. If I discard two, I can win this, because I'm great at bluffing, and so far only two of these guys have proved immune to my poker face: Nicol Bolas, and Tzneetch. So, I bet first: 6,000 souls. Then, like usual, Khorne raises about 1,000 souls, and the others just call the first round. So, second round, I discard my excess two, and get a king and a five: a full house, then raise to 8,000, and everyone but Bolas folds at that point, lacking souls to bet. Nicol, though, has the majority of the pot, and had only discarded one card before, so I have an idea how screwed I am at that point. Still, I have to try, because my limitless power, and the vastly less important Mane Six, are on the line.

"You sure seem sure you'll win this hand, boy." Nicol says, but I ignore him, focusing on his hand.

"I know I'll win, Barney. Now, show your hand." I say.

"You first, Houdini." Bolas says.

"Really? Houdini?" I ask.

"I'm old, boy, just put up or shut up." Nicol Bolas says, so I (reluctantly) put down my hand.

"Full house." I say, expecting some humiliating defeat. Instead, though, Bolas sighs, smiling, and puts down his hand:

"Straight. You win, boy." Nicol Bolas says, and everyone groans in annoyance.

"The boy had a FULL HOUSE!?!? I could have beaten that in my sleep!" Khorn says.

"As if! I had a freakin' four of a kind! The only reason I lost was because you let him raise the bid to 8,000!" Nefarox cries, slamming his head into the table.

"Enough! Malideus won, so he gets the loot." Bolas says. Then, with a snap of his fingers, everything in the Ante orb is in my arms, save the Mane six, who are beside me, and cheering.

"You gave him everything!?" Khorne demands.

"I didn't give him Dominaria. I can't trust that kind of power to this kid. Besides, I still have to see if any of you have the balls to take it from me." Bolas explains.

"That's still bullshit! I worked hard for those legendary souls!" Nefarox complains.

"And what the hell is he going to do with a cereal brand!?" Khorne asks.

"Hey, the mortal shucsheeded. Let him have hish winningsh, and pull out that shword you alwaysh talk about betting." Mora says, and the four then proceed to argue, then place their ante's once more.

"Well, kid, don't lose that loot there, you hear?" Nicol says.

"I hear." I say.

"Good. Now get out of our game. Oh, and one more thing before I forget: I found that your concious is clouded. I'll fix that as soon as you're back in pony-world or whatever. Later, kid." Nicol says, snapping his fingers. Then, Me, my winnings, and the Mane Six reappear in front of the castle, and I feel a great burden lifted from my head. Ah, I finally have a god I can believe in! Before I can walk off, though, Twilight stops me, and thanks me.

"Eh, Well, I don't know what made you save us back there, but thanks." Twilight says.

"This changes nothing between us, pest: next time we meet, you will die. But, nonetheless, you're welcome." I say. Then, I proceed to carry my hard-earned loot back to the cave, eager to tell Mizzy about how I beat her uncle at poker.

Author's Notes:

Game, set and match!