There I was, standing, at Canterlot's doors, awaiting my destiny. I had worked hard for this day, when I would defeat Celestia, once and for all. I stood, and the gates opened, slowly at first, then quickly, to reveal an army and their princess.

"Celestia. We meet again... for the last time!" I say, brandishing my staff.

"You will not win this fight, Malideus. I will slay you here, and your reign of terror will end! So swear I, princess Celestia!" she says, and I move first: I slam the butt of my staff to the ground, and earthen blades burst forth from the ground, impaling the soldiers that stand between me and my prey. Celestia then casts a spell at me, but I easily block it with a ward I cast from my hand. Then, I summon two stone hands from the ground, and they grasp Celestia, leaving her helpless.

"There could be no other end..." I say as I walk up to Celestia, who struggles against her stone prison to no avail.

"There could have been, Chris! We could have been allies, but you would not let go of the darkness in your heart!" Celestia says, but I pause as she says my name. Then, suddenly, Celestia turns into Luna, scaring me, and the whole world starts falling apart like in some bad acid trip, and I fall into an endless abyss when it shatters, and I keep hearing "Wake up" screamed at me in repeat as I fall. Finally, a giant, demonic head, at least ten feet long and nine feet wide, appears below me. It is grotesque, and looks like a flat-headed, metallic lizard with fifteen eyes. Then, it opens its mouth to devour me, revealing hundreds of giant, jagged teeth, and I wake up, panting and terrified. Dammit, I've been haveing this nightmare for three fucking nights in a row, ever since I almost killed Luna. What the hell does it even MEAN?!

"Mal, if this waking up screaming thing is going to become a thing with you, I'm going back to sleeping on the floor." Mizzietta irately says as she holds a pillow over her head.

"I'm sorry I can't control whatever keeps giving me nightmares! Jeez, Mizzy, you act like you've never had them before." I say.

"I have nightmares all the time, Mal, most of them being about you screaming over nothing." Mizzy retorts.

"Oh, ha ha. Why don't you make yourself useful and make me a sandwich." I say, then Mizzy, ever the sarcastic one, replies:

"Okay." she then proceeds to grow to the general size of the bed, and she rolls on top of me, face-down.

"Mmf mm-mm MMF!!!" I say, and Mizzy laughs.

"What? You said to make you a sandwich, so I made you a sandwich." Mizzy says smugly. Then, after a few seconds of this nonsense, she gets off of me, and I'm finally able to breath.

"I HATE SARCASM!" I yell, storming off.

"Jeez, what crawled up your ass?" Mizzy says.

"That same fuckin' nightmare! I need something to distract me." I say, racking my brain for an answer.

"Well, we could always just finish off Celestia. We have an army, and you have limitless power again. Let's do that." Mizzy says, but I feel unprepared. There is something I am missing, but what?

"I need to think. I'm going for a walk, Mizzy, I'll be back." I say, and Mizzy yawns.

"Okay, just be back soon." She says as I put on my robe and armor, and climb down the cave mouth, into the forest, staff in tow. I have a destination in mind; the ruins. As I reach said ruins, I just sit there and stare at them, wondering what they were before. They look like a castle of sorts, but who owned it? Ah well, they're mine now. Suddenly, though, an odd feeling comes over me as I gaze upon the ruins, and I sense a presence nearby. I look around where I am, but I don't see anyone. I do feel like I'm being watched, though, and I start to get pissed.

"Alright, where the fuck are you!? Stop fucking with me!" I yell, but nothing happens, and no one responds. However, the presence seems to grow stronger, so I look around the ruins to see who's spying on me. I can't seem to find anyone around the castle, so I take a look inside. When I enter the ruins, I see that the place looks pretty nice for a decrepit ruin. Refurbish it a bit, fix the pillars, put a roof up, and it would be fitting of an overlord like myself. As I think these things, I trip on an out-of-place tile, and fall on my face, the clang of my armor echoing into the night.

"Stupid floor!" I yell, punching the tile. I then get up, ignoring the tile, and walk around some more, until I come across a throne room. I then look around the room, thinking about how nice it must have looked back in it's day. Damn, what the hell happened to this place? Moving on, I look around the room, checking tapestries and candle holders for anything like a switch or a trapdoor, but I don't find anything save a round, oval-shaped gem that looked like it belonged in a crown. I pocket the gem, thinking it would make a nice souvenir. As soon as I take it, though, I hear loud clopping from the room behind me, like one of those fetid ponies. I know I could easily destroy the interloper, whoever it may be, but something about this place subconsciously compels me not to disturb its peace, so I hide behind the massive throne, and peer around it, to see who's following me. As I look, it's too dark at first, but I soon see a silhouette, and then I see a figure: Tall, wearing a dress, wings, and... a horn?

"Oh, god..." I mutter softly as the figure steps into the light, revealing herself: The interloper was none other than Celestia herself. However, the nag seems to not even know of my existence, and in fact seems worried about something, constantly checking over her shoulder, as if to see if anyone is following her. Immediately, my inner voice returns from the dead, and starts advising me again:

"I normally don't condone this, man, but I think you should follow her." My voice says, surprising me.

"You sure?" I telepathically ask back.

"Positive. If she's in a place like this with every intention of being alone, she's looking for something that we want." My inner voice replies, and I'm, frankly, surprised. However, I don't get a chance to question it before Celestia is on the move, and my inner voice goes nuts telling me to follow her, so I do, activating a simple shrouding spell as I creep after her. As I follow her, I keep hearing her murmur something about a tree and the Elements of Harmony. I have no idea what either of those things have to do with this place, the castle, I mean, but it sounds extremely important, which means I extremely want it, like, right now. Thankfully, Celestia seems to not see or hear me, though she must know I'm here, because she keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder. However, I'm great at hiding, so I evade her each time. Then, we continue this game down several corridors and rooms, none of which I pay any attention to; My only focus is Celestia, who seems to be getting more and more paranoid each passing minute. Nonetheless, she continues, and I follow, until we reach a rather unremarkable room, but here she stops, looking around. Then, I don't see how she does it, but stairs appear on the ground, and she goes down them. And I, like the awesome adventurer I am, follow her.

"Bingo." I whisper, following Celestia down the stairs, and I am led into a strange cavern of sorts, with glowing flora and crystals everywhere, common to caves. However, what I did NOT expect was to see a giant, glowing... tree? Made of crystal? This was weird, but I was about to see weirder: Celestia started talking to it! I didn't catch what she was saying, but she definately was discussing something, or they were, I don't know. It was a subterranean tree made out crystal, maybe it could talk? I dunno. However, as I finish my thoughts, Celestia seems surprised at something, and exclaims something:

"What? Where?!" Celestia asks, and then I realize something that almost makes me laugh: that dumb tree narced me out! So, since I can't hide anymore, and I can't sneak by Celestia, I resort to my final plan: I make my entrance.

"Show yourself, Malideus! The Tree of Harmony says you're here, so stop hiding!" Celestia says, and I step out of the darkness, brandishing my new staff.

"So, I guess you're not crazy; that tree CAN talk." I say, walking toward the princess and her magic shrub.

"Malideus! I ought to destroy you right here for this outrage! First me, then my sister, now this?! Have you no boundaries to your evil?" Celestia asks, and I laugh, getting into character.

"YOU ought to destroy ME!? I'm insulted, Celestia; 'ought to' implies that you might not." I say, and Celestia grits her teeth.

"I know why you're here, Malideus, and I will not allow you near the Tree of Harmony!" Celestia says.

"You won't, will you? We shall see about that." I say. Then, I raise my staff, using my new, all-powerful magic to lift Celestia into the air, and I toss her aside, into a wall. Then, I begin my march toward the tree.

"No... How did you do that..? Twilight destroyed the amulet..." Celestia says weakly, and I laugh as I approach the tree.

"Yes, but I kept the gem, the important part of the amulet, and lord Nicol Bolas gave me this staff, made from that same gem. Behold, Celestia, the instrument of your demise: The Staff of Malideus!" I say, raising the staff into the air.

"Malideus, stop... you don't know what you're doing!" Celestia says.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Celestia: I'm getting rid of this dumb tree!" I say, and I prepare to obliterate the crystalline shrub, but I feel something try to enter my head, but I push it out. The last thing I need is more people knowing what I am. I prepare my staff again, but the presence tries again, and succeeds this time, slipping into my head like a tendril, and Celestia sits there, looking smug. I try to push the presence out again, but it's rooted into my head, making me feel at peace, like a bright, happy garden. Whatever it was, it was in there deep, and it starts talking to me:

"Do not fight me, little one. I only want to talk." It says, and I get a suspicion that it might be the tree.

"You... get out of my head!" I demand out loud, but the tree does not relent.

"Why do you struggle? Do you not understand the damage you are causing? You hurt me, little one." The tree says, and I try to get mad, but I can't.

"I don't care about the damage I'm causing! Let... me... go!" I shout, pushing the presence back, but it does not leave.

"Don't struggle, child! You know not what you are doing! I know you are here to destroy me, but that is wrong!" It says,slipping past my mental blockade.

"I don't... I don't... Care!" I stammer, catching the presence before it goes deeper. God, this talking bush is annoying!

"You may not, but a part of you does. I can feel it pulse, wanting out. Let it be so!" the tree says, and it starts slipping through again, grabbing at a part of my consciousness in the back of my mind. I can't stop it, and I don't want to interrupt it, lest it mentally cripple me or something. Still, I try to force it back.

"Get... out..." I demand tiredly, but all this mental activity is exhausting, and I slip. The tree then prods the back of my mind, and I can feel what I used to be try to come out, try to undo all my work! So, with one last, exhausting bid, I halt the process halfway through, push the tree out of my head, and cast a spell on myself to prevent all entry to my noggin. No more intruders, and no more of... that, whatever that was. However, I can still feel my good side there, and no matter how much I push it back into it's corner, it won't fit. Still, I feel like myself somewhat, so I decide the tree did nothing catastrophic... until I hear it talk again.

"Little one... why have you pushed me out?" it asks me.

"You won't turn me that easily, shrub! I'm going to blow you into itty bitty pieces, crush those pieces into powder, snort that powder up, and then crap it out!" I yell, readying my staff, but something holds me back: that goody-goody part of my brain.

"I think not, little one. Where the sisters have failed, I have succeeded, if only somewhat. Your armor has become your identity, so you are divided: so long as your identity is removed, your inherent goodness shall appear." the tree explains, and I, for the first time since it first entered my head, get pissed.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" I shout at the top of my lungs. Then, I grab the tree, and proceed to drain its power into myself. As soon as it begins to dim, Celestia bursts into action:

"NO!!!" she cries, lunging at me, knocking my staff out of my hands. However, I still have my moves, so I flip her, pin her by her arms, and grab my staff again.

"Pest, you will not stop this!" I say, then I force-lift her up, and throw her to the back of the cave. Then, I grab the tree again, and continue the process. The crystal tree begins to dim, and a red light begins to pulse in it. However, before I can complete the process, Celestia casts a petrification spell at me, and I'm forced to let go of the tree to ward it, since all my magic focus has to go to what I'm draining if I want it done quickly. I cast a ward, dispelling the magic bolt, then I stomp the ground, causing a stone wall to burst forth from the ground, between me and Celestia. I can hear her screaming and punching and clawing from the other side, but I ignore her, and I grip the tree once more. When I grab it, though, I can feel it barely slip through my spell, and it speaks sadly. However, though saddened, it does not sound pleading, instead seeming to accept its fate, further infuriating me. Still, it speaks:

"Why must you destroy me? Will removing me make you feel better about your bleak, dark life?" It asks, and my good side (which my inner voice has defected to, that traitorous bastard) compels me to stop, but it is only half of my mind, and quite weak. I win over immediately, and respond accordingly:

"No. But your destruction will make them feel bad, which will make me feel good. So, I bid you goodnight, shrub." I hiss, but my earth wall blows inward, revealing a panting, dirty, extremely PISSED Celestia.

"Malideus... You have annoyed me for the last time! Prepare to... No!" she cries as she sees the red light grow as I finish corrupting the tree. Then, tears fill her eyes as she seems to receive a message from the Tree of Harmony, the last one it sends before the tree finally turns a harsh, bright red, and explodes, a harsh, shrill scream emanating from the flying crystal bits, its power absorbed. I feel great, but Celestia looks completely drained and defeated, and falls to her knees, tears pouring out of her eyes like tiny rivers.

"You... killed..." She stutters, but cannot finish before I slam my staff to the ground, feeling exhausted, but powerful.

"Yes, I killed, now I'll kill again!" I say, ignoring what that shrub did to my head.

"No... you won't." Celestia says, getting up. "I'm going to finish what I should have a long time ago, Malideus. Prepare to di-AAAUGH!!!" Celestia shrieks as a continuous green beam of magic hits her, seeming to sap her strength. Then, as she falls, and another one flies toward me, but I hold my hand up, absorbing it into my reserves. Then, when it ends, I get pissy. Clearly, someone else is here, and they want a piece of me. And, soon, that someone steps from the shadows: a changeling, tall and regal, her green cat-like eyes locked on me without any sign of blinking.

"Who the fuck are you?" I ask, prepared to destroy the interloper.

"You already know who I am, Malideus, as you seem to have converted one of my warriors." The changeling says, and I fit the pieces together.

"Chrysalis, I presume." I say, readying my staff.

"The one and only. And you must be the great and powerful Malideus. I have to say, I'm quite a fan of your work." Chrysalis says, approaching me.

"Yeah, I know, I hear a lot of people are. Now what do you want? And how did you get here?" I ask, unable to comprehend the irony of this situation.

"That's not really important now, is it? Now, what is important, is what you just did, and all the trouble you could potentially cause me. Now that I have you all alone, I'm afraid you'll have to come with me. Unless you want things to get... physical?" Chrysalis coos, but I don't even blush, that's how used to sexual innuendo I am.

"Bitch, I've been raped and molested too many times for your cute little jokes to work. Now, I'm not going with you, or anyone. I'm going home, and you're going to stand aside. Now move, bitch." I say, and Chrysalis laughs.

"You cannot resist a changeling, little male. Observe, as I wrap you around my little finger." Chrysalis says, then her horn starts glowing green, and she tries to take my mind, but my spell deflects her presence, and I stand there, laughing, as Chrysalis's face slowly shifts from smug to horrified.

"Wha..? How are you..." She says, and I walk up to her, feeling bigger than her, even though she's, like, really freakin' tall. Still, she's MY bitch, now.

"I don't think you understood me, Chrysalis. I, Malideus, kneel to no man, let alone a woman. Now, stand aside, or I'll squish you like the roach you are." I say, and Chrysalis starts to look pissed.

"You dare to threaten me, male?!" She says, and I pop her across the face, stunning her.

"I do, female. Now, if you're not going to suck my awesome wizard dick, I suggest you get out of my way." I say, and Chrysalis steams a bit, blushing furiously, then backs into the darkness mysteriously. Jeez, what a drama queen. However, as soon as she does, the tunnel starts to shake, and bits of stone fall from the ceiling. It doesn't take a genius to know that, by killing the Tree of Harmony, I caused the structural integrity to fall apart, and now the tunnel has gronked out, or is about to. I almost run out of there, when I hear a groan behind me: Celestia. I don't care for her, though, so I run. I make it halfway, though, when my defective internal voice, combined with that damned good half of my brain, tells me to go back. So, unable to stand the onslaught, I obey, running back to the chamber, which is now half-filled with rubble, and I find Celestia, still out like a light, and grab her, narrowly managing to get her out of the way of a falling boulder. I REALLY want to leave her here, seeing the danger carrying her poses to my self, but I carry her nonetheless. And, not three minutes into carrying her into that damned tunnel, the bitch wakes up, and looks around, wondering why she's being carried. Then, she notices me, and flips her ever-loving shit.

"Unhand me this instant, you scum-sucking, murderous wizard!" Celestia screams, hitting me like a girl who doesn't want to go to the dentist.

"Okay, I'll just let you walk in this hostile environment. With any luck, you'll break your legs." I say, dropping her. Litteally a second after, a boulder falls on her legs, crushing the bones to pieces. Celestia then screams in pain, and I facepalm. Thank you, God, for making my life harder at every turn.

"Aagh! My legs!" Celestia screams, and I sigh.

"Yeah, a boulder hit them." I say.

"You bastard! You made that happen!" Celestia accuses. You know, for a chick about to die, she's STILL really lippy.

"Trust me, Celly, if I did, it would have hit your head. Well, see ya!" I say, and I walk.

"Fine! Go, you monster!" Celestia yells after me, and I cringe. I know she means it, but now that she says NOT to help her, my defiant nature forces me to do the exact opposite. Plus, my inner voice is blaring at me to help her, so I do it, just to shut it up. I go back, pick her up (for the second time), and she seems shocked.

"Wha..!? What are you doing!?" She asks.

"Saving your fat ass. Jeez, you can really stand to lose a pound or two, Betsy." I say, and Celestia takes offence.

"I have a good figure! You try living for thousands of years and tell me you can maintain a routine!" Celestia says.

"Whatever, Gigantor." I say, carrying the heavy burden through the cave. Soon, though, she starts to lose consciousness from internal bleeding in her legs, and I'm left carrying her dead weight through the collapsing tunnel. I'd better get good karma for this shit!

So, here we are, I'm carrying Celestia's unconscious body through a collapsing tunnel, and Celestia's unconscious, probably dreaming about cake. Oh, and her legs are broken, that's wonderful. Still, I run, the tunnel collapsing behind me, and I finally see the exit. So, I go forth, running as fast as I can, and I see the entrance is about to collapse! So, with some split-second prioritizing, I make my decisions on how to act, then I do: First, I take Celestia, and toss her out of the tunnel, while I'm running. Then, I roll through the door, but my helmet comes off, and I can NOT be seen without that, so I reach, then grab it, right before the entrance collapses, and put it back on. Now, we're in that room in the castle ruins, it's still night, and all that's left is to make my heart stop beating so damn fast. So, I breath in, then out, and look at Celestia. She's still unconscious, and I can't just leave her like this because I think she has to raise the sun or some shit like that, so I decide to at least fix her legs. However, as I prepare to 'work my magic', as it were, she wakes up, and sees my hands reaching for her, and screams, getting up to punch me, and she does, sending me going the other way. God damn, she's got a hell of a punch, I'll give her that. Still, I'm not hurt, just pissed.

"What the hell, bitch!? I was helping!" I say.

"You were going to kill me!" Celestia exclaims accusingly.

"If I wanted to kill you, I'd have just left you in the tunnel! Now, you want your legs fixed, or do you want to crawl to your castle?" I ask, and Celestia opens her mouth to answer, but then she stops, and thinks about it. Finally, she looks and says the one thing that officially makes her my bitch:

"Just get it over with." she says, and I focus my magic again, feeling the warm aura of healing magic flow to my hands. However, I then get an idea, and put a little something else in there, something to absorb some of her power and cripple her a little more subtly.

"Alright, hold still." I say.

"Like I have an option, genius." Celestia says. Then, I press my hands to her legs, and I see the bones rearrange and fix themselves, and frankly, it's the grossest thing I've ever seen. Nonetheless, Celestia screams in pain, which fills me with such fulfillment, I almost don't activate the second, nastier part of the spell... almost. As the legs reach the final part of healing, I then activate the spell, and Celestia starts to look woozier.

"Ugh... are you doing the spell right? I'm starting to feel really sick..." Celestia says.

"That's just the healing, my dear. Hold still, now, I'm almost done." I say. Then, her legs are complete, but something is different about her. In a word, she seems... smaller. Eh, probably a side effect of me 'borrowing' some of her power. I doubt she'll notice.

"Ugh, at least it's over. This changes nothing between us, though!" Celestia says, and I walk off toward the Mizzy's cave. Well I try to, when Celestia stops me.

"Wait... didn't you used to be shorter, Malideus?" she says.

"Busted" my inner voice says.

"Uh... probably just your legs..?" I ask more than say, and Celestia turns red, teleporting in front of me.

"How... much... did... you... take..?" Celestia huffs, stalking toward me. Fuck, how does this bitch know what I did to her?!

"I was low on mana! I had to borrow some!" I explain, but Celestia is having none of it.

"Give it back!" she yells, lunging at me.

"No!" I say, dodging, then running toward the cave.

"MALIDEUS!!!" Celestia screams, as I run into the brush, escaping her. I run without rest for an hour, then I use my memory to get to the cave, and get in, panting and wheezing my lungs out. Then, I'm greeted by Mizzy, who's munching a great big emerald.

"Jeez, Mal, what'd you, walk a MARATHON? you were gone for hours!" She says, and I pop my back, and explain everything to her as calmly as possible. At the end of my story, Mizzy raises her eyebrow, and laughs.

"Mal, that has got to be the worst story ever! I doubt you could follow Celestia without her knowing, you can't even sneak out of bed in the middle of the night without waking me up. And Why didn't you just kill Celestia while you had the chance, or just leave her legs broken? Most importantly, why didn't you invite me?" she asks. Well, I figured she wouldn't believe me, but I didn't think she would laugh at me. Suddenly, though, I remembered that gem I found. If anything could prove my journey, it was that.

"Well, Mizzy, I guess this gem here is going to prove you wrong." I say, holding up the oval gem I found. Mizzy eyes it suspiciously, then looks surprised.

"I haven't seen that one before. Maybe you did get it at the castle. Still, I don't believe that you carried Celestia out of a collapsing tunnel." she says, and I sigh.

"Look, just believe me, okay? That tree cursed me or something, and now I can't do bad stuff as much." I say despairingly, and Mizzy ponders this.

"I don't think you'd make that up... Well, I think this could be a good thing. You flux between fun-and-giggles and doom-and-gloom way too often. Maybe the tree doing that is an improvement." she says.

"You have got to be joking." I say.

"Not at all. I've been seeing waaaaay too much bad guy, Mal... Maybe I should see what your better half looks like." Mizzy says sultrily, and my red lights are going off like never before.

"You stay away from that side, Mizzy! I don't like that side, and you won't either!" I say, and Mizzy relents.

"Alright, Mal, I'll back off... for now. So, you absorbed the tree, and some of Celestia's power? Why aren't you going after her?" Mizzy asks.

"Because, she's after my blood! I don't want to bite off more than I can chew, Mizzy." I say.

"Well, if you say so." Mizzy says. "So, since you don't want to finish Celestia, what DO you want to do?" she asks.

"I want to not be cursed." I say. Then, I get an idea: Ponyville had a library, but I burned it down. But if they had a library, who's to say that Canterlot won't have one?

"I think I know what I'm doing tomorrow, Mizzy." I say, and Mizzy gives me a confused look.

"Really? What?" Mizzy asks.

"I'm getting rid of this curse." I say, preparing for a long, agonizing journey in the morning.

"You need to take anyone?" Mizzy asks.

"I may need a ride. Think you can get me there?" I ask.

"Only if you if you take me first, big guy." Mizzy purrs, pushing me onto the bed.

"Ah, Christ..." I mutter, and, well, you can guess the rest.

But, hey, at least there weren't any nightmares.

Author's Notes:

Alright, so, remember, if you have ANY suggestions for what Malideus should do next, leave 'em in the comments, just like usual. Peace out, heathens!