"This isn't going to do anything, you know that, right?" Mizzietta oh-so-helpfully says, and I roll my eyes.

"I have to do this! This close to Christmas, if I don't do it, the viewers will go ballistic!" I say... wait, what did I just say?! 'Viewers'? What did that stupid princess do to my head?! Ugh, anyway, Mizzy starts looking at me like she's wondering the same thing I am.

"Uh... What?" She asks.

"I don't know, Mizzy, I..." I tried to tell her about the princess, but something told me that would just create more complications. It didn't sound like my inner voice, but I heeded it nonetheless, for reasons unknown to me.

"... I must have hit my head on something last night. We seriously need some furniture in here!" I say, but Mizzy doesn't seem convinced.

"Yeah... anyway, I still don't think you should do this. Attacking them outright is okay. This, though... I think your scraping the barrel, Mal." She says, and I almost slap her. But I don't, because part of me knows she's right. Still, I have to protest.

"Mizzietta, I've been working hard for this. I've been practicing my teleportation spell for three days for this heist, and I finally got it to stop teleporting me halfway into the wall. I worked my ass off to be able to do this, so I'm gonna do it. Got it?" I ask, and she reluctantly nods.

"Fine, but when this fails, don't come crying to me."

"It won't fail, just you see. Soon, I'll be looking down over their town, and I know just what they'll do. All the ponies in Ponyville will all cry 'boo hoo'! Now, that's a noise," said myself, "That I simply must hear!" I said, thinking of all the unhappy faces and teary eyes that will come of this. First, though, comes phase 1: the set-up.

"Whip, get get over here!" I yell, and Whip walks out of the torture chamber (as I call it now) and snaps a salute. I have to say, I admire her optimism.

"Sir?" She asks.

"Whip, I need you to assume a form for me. Go and get Twilight, now." I say, and Whip leaves, then returns a second later with an unconscious, beat-up-looking Twilight, and placing her in front of me.

"What did you need her here for?" Mizzy asks, and I smile, replying:

"Well, I'm going to pull a switcheroo, but I have to see if there are any flaws in appearance, Lord knows I can't trust you two to do anything by yourselves." I say, remembering the time I had to save Mizzy from prison.

"Mal, that's pretty smart and all, but what are you hoping to accomplish by this?" She asks, and I sigh.

"It's not the holiday I want, Mizzietta, It's merely a fortuitous circumstance. If you must know, I wish to use the holiday as a diversion, so I may strike directly at the mane six, and maybe the princesses, should they show up." I explain, and realization fills Mizzy's face.

"Mal, that's slightly less dumb! I'm proud of you!" she exclaims endearingly, and I groan in annoyance.

"I don't need your opinion, Mizzy!" I say. "I just need Whip to impersonate Twilight, sabotage the festival, and get the remaining five together! Then, I'll have all the leverage I need to bring them all to their knees." I say, and Mizzy smiles.

"See, there's the Mally I know and love!" Mizzy says, and I grumble, blushing under my helmet. God, I wish she would stop using pet names!

"Mizzy, we discussed the use of the 'L word', particularly, to STOP USING IT." I say, and Mizzy laughs.

"Oh, come on, Mal, I thought you got over your xenophobia..." she says.

"It's not the irrational fear of the unknown, Mizzy, it's the perfectly rational fear of you molesting me." I explain, and then I walk to the edge of the cave mouth, and stare at the village in the distance. I can't see them, but I know all ponies are snug in their homes, and I was stuck in a cave, and unfortunately not quite alone. I always hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season, but don't ask me why, 'cuz I don't quite know the reason. Maybe it was that my boots were always too tight, or perhaps that my henchmen could do nothing right. But everyone thinks, the best reason of all, was just that my heart was two sizes, too small. Whatever the reason, my heart or my cronies, I stared down at Ponyville, hating the ponies.

As I finish my thoughts, I walk back into the cave, eager to begin my plans.

"Sir, are you okay?" I hear Twilight say. Wait, Twilight!? I look to the source, magic ready... and there's two Twilights, much to my shock. However, one is fully clad and pristine, and the other is just like I left her: half-naked and scarred all over. I sigh with relief, remembering the order I gave Whip, and drop my defenses as I address her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Now, if there are no more potential heart attacks to go through, Whip, go put Twilight back in the chamber. as for you two, let's go over the plan, people." I say, gathering my remaining minions close as Whip hauls Twilight off.

"Alright, we are about to undergo phase one of operation Grinch. This will involve two people: Whip and Kelias. I will survey, and strike when the time comes. For now, though, your goal is stealth: Whip will impersonate Twilight and distract the populace. Kelias, you and me will sneak around town and set up remote-activated fire runes on the houses. You can do that, can't you?" I ask, and Kelias snorts irritably.

"Of course I can! Whadaya take me fer, some two-bit imp? I'll have half th' town rigged before ya can say 'Disco Inferno'!" Kelias says, and I nod.

"Good. Mizzy and I will sneak into the homes and take whatever we can, and then we'll activate the runes once we've visited every house. Kelias, I expect you to also have some loot when we're done, as well. Whip, when we activate the runes, you are not to return to your real form. Instead, run away as Twilight, and make sure you've lost everyone before returning here. Does everyone understand?" I ask, and Mizzy raises her hand.

"What is it, Mizzy..?" I sigh.

"Yeah, what exactly does this accomplish?" she asks, and, for once, I laugh.

"Fear, Mizzy, It will cause fear. When their homes burn and their possessions are gone, they will have nothing. Where will their hope and 'friendship' be then?" I ask as Whip returns, just in time to hear my plan.

"Geniuuuus!" Whip sings, and even Kelias nods in approval.

"I get to burn things. I like this plan already!" Kelias says, smiling, but then he drops a pretty heavy question on me:

"However, I gots somethin' ta ask ya's: Mind if I invite some pals?" He asks, and I ponder this for a second. More devils meant more mayhem. Normally, I'd want that, but I'm trying to have some subtlety. Then again, only Santa or the Grinch himself could possibly cover the whole town in one night by themselves. I needed help, and it seemed that devils were going to be my new little helpers. How ironic. Nonetheless, I need the help, so I accept.

"Alright, but none of them better explode! I need absolute stealth if we're to pull this off!" I say, and Kelias laughs.

"Dun' worry 'bout it, they'll be quiet as mice. Giant, cackling, pyromaniacal mice, but mice nonetheless." He says, not exactly granting me any relief, but what the hell? Devils are better than nothing, I guess. Mizzy, however, hates the idea.

"Mal, I'll be real with you: I hate that idea, and strongly advise against this whole plan." she says. Jeez, what a Grinch.

"Mizzy, why must you be such a fun Nazi?" I ask, and Mizzy gets flustered.

"I don't know what a 'Nazi' is, Mal, but if you're going to be doing something this stupid, I'm not helping." Mizzy says, and I get pissed.

"Fine. Then stay here, but I'm going through with this." I say, and Mizzy stands down, but I can tell she isn't happy.

"Now, you two get into positions, I will be there soon." I say, and they both nod. Then, Whip flies off, carrying Kelias with her. I then move to go, but Mizzy stops me.

"Mal, don't do this. I've done a few things with you, and we got through them, but I can not, no, WILL NOT condone this." Mizzy says, and I sigh, not wanting to argue this.

"Mizzy, Why are you so against me doing this? It's one job, how hard could it be?" I ask.

"It's not the job, Mal! It's just... it used to be just us! And you know what, Mal? I liked it that way. I liked it when it was just you and me, against the world. But now, you've turned it into a full-blown war. Masochistic spies, summoning demons, torture... it's not you! I remember when you used to be fun, Mal! But now... It's like you're trying too hard to be someone else." She says, and it strikes me hard. But why? I was just doing what was evil. What was I doing wrong?

"What do you mean? I'm trying to be everything you wanted me to be! You wanted evil, so here it is!" I say, but Mizzy seems to tear up.

"I didn't want evil, Mal... I wanted fun! I just wanted you to be fun, with me! Mal, I don't want armies, or more acquaintances... I just wanted you!" She says, but I still do not understand her woman-talk.

"I don't understand. I thought you said you wanted me to be badder." I say.

"I never said that! I only said you could be the best villain ever! But now... you're just a monster." She says, her words striking my heart with a fury.

"I don't want Malideus any more... I want my Mal!" She says, removing my helmet. I want to put it back on, but part of me says not to. We sit there for a while, not moving an inch, and then Mizzy does something so far out field, I actually jump: Mizzy, out of nowhere, grabs my face, and kisses me, deeply and passionately. She goes a while, and finally stops, eyeing me longingly.

"Mal... stop trying. Just be you!" She says, and I realize something: she might be right. I've been trying to be evil too hard, and have neglected myself in the process. Evil can be without fun, just as easily as good can, and it took a dragon french-kissing me to realize that. Wow, I need to work on my self-evaluation skills.

"Well, what should I do then?" I ask, but Mizzy smiles, then shrugs.

"I don't know. What would Mal do?" she says, and I know exactly what I'm going to do.

"Mizzy, how long do you think it'll take those two to reach Ponyville?" I ask.

"Hmm... I'd guess two hours, minimum. Why?" She asks.

"No reason..." I say, and I then try to return her kiss, but it's kinda awkward, for millions of reasons, the most prominent being that A: she's a freaking dragon, and B: I've never actually kissed a girl before. Hey, I was a goody-goody before, and we all know that good guys don't get laid in real life. Nonetheless, Mizzy seems to enjoy it, and she giggles when I'm done.

"Dude, I think you should let me do the kissing." She says, causing me no end of embarrassment.

"Hey, I've never tried being 'fun' before." I say.

"I can see that." She says, still giggling. "Thankfully for you, you have me to guide you." She says, putting a hand on my chest.

"Do we have time?" I ask.

"We have about two hours..." she says, Pushing me down gently. Then, she grabs my robe, and lifts it off of me.

"I'll take it." I say as Mizzy gets on top, her tail swaying playfully.

"I know you will, little man." She says sultrily, bouncing her chest slightly. The dragoness then removes my underpants, and the rest of the event is an exhausting, two-hour blur. Nonetheless, for once, I don't feel disgusted or violated at the end, just very tired. Nonetheless, I know I have to get dressed, and get to the town, because that's where everyone is.

"Come on, Mizzy, we have work to do." I say, and she fake whines, turning over.

"Aww, do we have to? The devil said he was calling for backup, let's just screw around some more." She says, and I want to, but I know I have to be there, or those two are going to fuck something up and cost me another trip to Canterlot.

"No, Mizzy, we have to get what we can, especially a bed. I know you like it, but I hate sleeping on a stone floor." I explain, walking to the cave mouth.

"Oh, fine, you big baby." Mizzy says, getting up and returning to her normal size and form. I then get on her back, and we're off. It doesn't take long before we reach minimal safe distance from the town. Then, I brush myself off, and prepare to make an appearance.

"Mizzy, would you kindly accompany me to the stage when I make my move?" I ask, and she shrinks down and takes my arm in hers.

"Thought you'd never ask." she says, and we begin our trek to Ponyville. We arrive soon, and Mizzy goes off to complete her given task. Easy enough, as I see the residents of this pathetic little squat huddled around the stage, as a play is going on. I then begin walking off, when something bumps into me, knocking us both over.

"Watch where you're going, you idiot!" I whisper harshly, then I see what my assailant is: a devil.

"What the..? Kelias?! What the hell, man!?" I ask, but the devil cocks his head quizzically, then speaks in a rumbling, cackling voice:

"Kelias? No, you've got me mistaken, bro. Kelias is my cousin. He's back at the bakery with four others." He says, and I notice my blunder: Kelias had horns like thunderbolts, and a short, reptilian snout. This one had darker skin, and a rounder, jagged and more fish-like head, full of long, fang-like teeth that barely fit in his mouth. Then, I notice another thing: He said there were more.

"Just how many of you did he summon..?" I ask, and the devil shrugs.

"Eh, he got the whole pit out here, so, uh, around five hundred, I guess?" He says, and I come thiiiis close to flipping my ever-loving shit.

"Where is he?" I demand, and the devil points to the bakery, where I take my leave of the new devil. FIVE HUNDRED DEVILS!? What is this, a war zone?! I soon make my way to the bakery, where, indeed, Kelias is debriefing several devils, an I go up and pick him up by his scrawny neck, surprising him.

"FIVE HUNDRED DEVILS!? You said a 'few friends', not a FUCKING ARMY!" I yell, shaking him.

"Yikes! Cool it, boss, I was just doing what ya told me, honest!" He says, and I drop him.

"I never said to summon your whole damned pit! Now send them back!" I demand. Honestly, I don't even know how he summoned five hundred of his brethren, but I know that if he got them here, he can send them back.

"But boss, we need them!" Kelias says, and I start getting inquisitive.

"How so?" I ask.

"We's needin' them for the houses! You's said it yourself, we need loot! So I figured, what faster way to do that quickly AND set up the traps than by gettin' the pit?" He explains, and I think about this. In a way, he's right, and no one seems to notice it yet, so I could likely pull this off. Plus, if things get hairy, I can (hopefully) count on them to get me out.

"I suppose it couldn't be avoided... Just make sure that they get the loot! I have evil to do." I say, turning about. I then walk back to the main square, where the play is still going on, hopefully near the end. Then, I see Whip, who's still in Twilight's form,sitting off to the side. I then creep closer, hiding behind buildings, and beckon her over. However, she doesn't seem to hear me the first five times I call her, so I do the first (and funnest) idea to pop into my head: I pick up some snow, mold it into a spherical shape, and throw it with all my might at her, causing her to fall over, look around bewilderedly, and finally focus on me. I then motion her to me, and she obeys.

"What the heck, Whip? It took a snowball to get you to look over here!" I say, and she looks embarrassed.

"Sorry, sir..." She says simply, and I groan in annoyance.

"Whatever, at least you kept them busy. Did you rig the play?" I ask, and Whip looks like I spoke Spanish.

"Rig the play? Wasn't that Kelias's job?" She asks, and that one sentence causes me to grip my head in an effort to keep it from exploding.

"You... stupid... little... Grah! I have to do everything myself!" I say loudly, while still making sure no one else hears me. However, I look past Whip, and see that a single pony has noticed me: Fluttershy. However, she quickly turns her head as soon as she sees that I see her. Well, there goes my hopes for not getting pinned for this.

"Change of plans, Whip. When the play ends, get on stage." I say, and Whip looks at me questioningly.

"Why, sir?" she asks.

"Don't ask questions! Something has happened, and I need to improvise. Just address the crowd, and then I'll do the rest." I say, walking away. I can see that she's getting flustered over her new orders, but I don't care, it's all part of the fun. Before I can find Mizzy, though, A devil with the distinct voice of a black man (I'm not racist!) runs up to me, stopping me.

"Yo, Boss, Kelias and the others got done with that thing you wanted. All the houses got looted and rigged, and Kelias wants to know when to set 'em off." The devil says, and I sigh. At least one thing went right today.

"Get back to the cave. I'll activate them when I'm ready." I say, and the Devil rushes off to tell Kelias. Then, I wander the town in search of Mizzy, and after a while of fruitless searching, I finally catch her in the market square, stuffing her face with... gems? Confused I walk up to her, and she must have heard me, because she then jumps, and turns around, quickly hiding her stash.

"Oh, Mal... Weren't you supposed to be at a play or something?" She fearfully asks.

"Were you just eating jewels?" I ask.

"Uh... Yeah... Well, you see..." She begins, but I interrupt her, not wanting to hear it.

"Look, I don't care. Did you get the loot like I said, you know, WITHOUT eating it?" I ask, and she blushes.

"I only ate the gems! Did you not know that we eat them?" She asks.

"Did you not hear me say I didn't care? Look, we have a problem. I was talking to Whip, and I got spotted by one of them. We need to get on with this, now. Come with me." I say, and I grab Mizzy's arm, hauling her to the main square with me, despite her protests. As soon as I reach the play area, I see that the actors are taking a bow, and everyone is applauding. I was this close to missing my chance, but I made it! Now, it was time to make an entrance. As soon as the clapping dies down, I get into character, and start clapping myself, my gauntlets clanging together like the bells of hell, and attracting the attention of every pony in the square.

"Bravo, very touching. Quite the play, if I do say so myself." I say, despite having seen absolutely none of it.

"You again? How many times do we have to kick your butt before you give up?" Rainbow Dash says, getting up.

"Enough yammerin'! let's get 'im!" Applejack says, and the other three get up, ready to rush, me.

"Oh, please, sit down! I'm not here to declare war, but rather express peace! After all, 'tis the season to be jolly'!" I say, surprising everyone, even Mizzy.

"What? What are you trying, Malideus?" Rarity asks as I walk to the stage.

"What, just because I'm an evil wizard, I can't be festive every once in a while?" I ask, but no one answers. Clearly, there are some minds in the gutter. Nonetheless, I get on stage, and begin my speech.

"Well, if you all must know, Where I come from, we celebrate a similar holiday as this, called Christmas. And, like this "Hearthswarming", I hate every second of it! All the happiness, and the cheer, so that's why I've taken the liberty of giving you all something very special! They say that friendship can over come anything, right?" ask.

"Yeah, what's your point?" Rainbow Dash asks.

"My point, you heathen, is that friendship is weak! And since you worship it soooo much, let's see your friendship get you out of this!" I say, focusing my magic on the nearest rune. I can see it, mentally, and I focus my power on detonating it. It feels awesome and challenging, but to the outside viewers, it looks more like I'm trying to take a massive shit.

"Uh, what exactly are you trying to do?" Someone asks.

"Maybe he's finally trying to get rid of all his hot gas!" Rainbow Dash shouts, laughing hysterically, followed by everyone, even Mizzy. Yeah, it's not my most glorious moment, but I still pay no attention, and I finally get the rune to detonate, causing a resounding explosion, and the whole house goes up in flames, attracting the attention of the now-horrified crowd.

"My house!" Someone cries from the crowd, and now, it is ME who is laughing at THEIR discomfort!

"Oh, don't worry about your things, by the way. I assure you, they're in good hands now." I say, and everyone flips out. Then, I proceed to detonate the rest of them, one at a time, which is surprisingly easy now that I know what I'm doing, so I don't look constipated anymore.

"Malideus, you monster! Twilight, you have to stop him!" Rarity says as I finish burning the town, but Fluttershy whimpers, as if about to say something. While they wonder what's going on with her, "Twilight" walks up to me, and the five start to cheer, but then seem horrified when she stops, and I put my arm around her.

"Yes, Twilight, stop me from committing these atrocities." I mock, and Whip just smiles, doing nothing.

"What the..?" The five ask in unison, all their hopes dashed.

"Like I said, friendship is overrated. Now, who wants to 'take the dive' and bow first?" I say, and the crowd begins looking at each other, completely defeated. Even the Mane six, sans Twilight, now look worried about their future. Then, I begin to walk away, 'Twilight' in tow.

"Well, It's been fun, my friends, but now, I've got to-" I say, when a familiar voice interrupts me, making my blood run cold.

"Stop right there, Malideus!" Shouts Twlight, in pretty much the same way I left her. Then everyone gets confused, and I can only watch as my whole plan slips through my fingers.

"Wh-wha... I... How..." I stutter like an idiot as Twilight stumbles forth, grasping her various wounds, but not even noticing the cold. And for some dumb reason, everyone seems to know that she's the real Twilight, further dampening my plans.

"Yikes, Twilight, What'd he do to you?" Applejack asks.

"That's not important right now. Right now, he and an army of devils are going to destroy the town... oh." she says, looking at the burning ruins.

"You're a tad late for that part, Twilight. But still, how the fuck did you get out of my lair!?" I ask.

"That's easy, Malideus. I awoke after you dragged me out of your torture chamber, and heard your whole plan. So, after you had me put back in, I used a stalagmite to break my bonds and escape! I then made my way to Ponyville after three hours of wandering, and now I have you!" she says, and my heart starts sinking.

"But... the devils..." I mutter.

"I evaded them easily. Now, Malideus, You and your changeling friend have nowhere to run!" she says, and Whip changes back to her original form, her ruse up.

"Aaw..." Whip says, disheartened. I, however, remain optimistic.

"Actually, you are wrong, Twilight! I can easily escape you." I say, shocking everyone.

"What? I just said you had nowhere to run!" She says.

"I do, actually: That way." I say, pointing to my left. Then, while they're all looking, I run to the right, dragging Whip with me. So I'm running, with the whole town chasing me with torches and pitchforks. I finally reach Mizzy later, after and hour of running, and explain my situation to her:

"Mizzy... *Gasp*... Town... *wheeze*... Colossal... Failure... *Pant*... Need... Escape!" I wheeze out, and Mizzy looks at me like I'm on drugs.

"Um, yeah, could you try explaining that like you didn't run a marathon?" She asks, and Whip takes over:

"The whole town is trying to kill us and we need an escape!" She says, and Mizzy just looks at me cynically.

"Yes, I see. And before I save your butt AGAIN, who here said this would be a bad Idea?" She asks.

"Mizzy, I don't need this right now..." I say.

"You do if you want my help. Now say it."

"No!"

Say it, Mal."

"Fuck you, Dinosaur!"

"Say it, or I'm ditching." Mizzy finally threatens, and I see no other option but to eat my pride.

"YOU WERE RIGHT, OKAY!? You said this was a bad idea, and I didn't listen! Now get me out of here!" I yell, and Mizzy smiles.

"There, that wasn't too hard, now was it?" She says, returning to normal size.

"Maybe I can still go back and beg them to take me back to prison..." I ponder aloud as me and Whip get on Mizzy's back.

"Whatever, Mal, I still got my Christmas wish." Mizzy says, lifting off. The trip back was then filled with nothing but smiles for Mizzietta, and depression for me. Why can't I do anything right!? Finally, after some Lamenting on my part, we arrive at the cave, where whole stacks of loot await us. Mizzy, upon seeing this, seems to have revised her wish list.

"Mal, how did you even..?" She says, stunned by the massive piles of stuff I stole.

"A wizard never reveals his secrets, dear. Bet you wish you didn't make me eat my pride now, huh?" I say, and Mizzy just laughs.

"Are you kidding? That was my entire Christmas wish list right there! This is just a bonus." She says, further dousing my self-esteem.

"But still, you did good." She says, and I feel a little better.

"Well, a whole pit of devils helps." I say, and Kelias pops out of nowhere, an entire plate of cookies in his mouth.

"Damn right!" He says before vanishing into his loot pile.

"So, what now?" Whip asks, and I'm for once, stumped.

"Well, we just burned down their entire village, so I say we wait until something comes up." I say, and everyone seems to like this idea.

"Well, it was a fun little Christmas, Mal. I hope we can do it again." Mizzy says.

"Not likely." I say, remembering the excruciating physical activity I had to go through.

"And Mizzy, when the hell did you start celebrating Christmas?" I ask.

"Always, silly. My uncle travels universes, remember?" She says.

"Ah." I retort, remembering her scary-as-hell uncle Bolas. "So, how have you always spent yours?" I ask.

"Well, I usually just roast a village or two and eat the villagers. But now, I just wanna hang out. You?" She asks.

"Well, I never really had any family that was around, since my parents divorced when I was five, so I usually spent it terrorizing other children and building grotesque snowmen." I say, and Mizzy actually seems to feel bad for me. Even Whip, who never actually left (god damn, she's quiet.) hugged me, and, for once, I felt like I needed it.

"That's so sad, sir!" Bawled Whip.

"What's so sad about it? It wasn't the worst thing in the world." I say, more to myself than to her.

"Oh, but it is, You see, my story is not so different; I was just born in an egg clutch and made to serve queen Chrysalis. I never got to celebrate anything, not even my own birthday." She says, and I start to have negative feelings about this "Chrysalis" character.

"Well, whip, you're always welcome to celebrate both of those with us. Right, Malideus?" Mizzietta says, but I didn't exactly catch what she said, as I was too busy thinking about if I should pay Chrysalis a visit or not. Nonetheless, I respond with the maximum of my intelligence:

"Uh, Huh? Oh, sure, whatever."

"Oh, thank you both! I crave to know what such customs involve!" She says, and Mizzy laughs, and I fade out as she starts explaining things to her about... oh, hell, I don't know.

So, I go out to the mouth, and watch the town burning in the distance. In a macabre way, it's kind of beautiful. However, my thoughts are cut short by a sudden feeling of tiredness, and a strong, malevolent presence nearby. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. Nonetheless, it stays, and I soon drift off into sleep, and soon find myself in another meeting with familiar face, and she does NOT look happy with me.

Author's Notes:

Well, Merry f*cking Christmas, you animal-loving heathens! I have bestowed a new chapter upon you, so feel free to tell me if I'm doing something wrong. NO HATING! I will delete that shit.