“Bwamp.”

“No.”

“Bwamp bwamp?” the pillow poked him in the side of the head again, and Dipper remained steadfast in his angry glaring at the tilted wooden ceiling.

“Bwamp.”

“No.”

“Bwamp bwamp!”

“No.”

“Bwamp,” Mabel, his fraternal twin, poked him in the face with the pillow again. It didn’t necessarily hurt, but it was annoying enough to keep him from sleeping.

“No, Mabel.”

“Bwamp bwamp bwamp bwamp bwamp I can keep doing this all night, Dipper bwamp bwamp bwamp!”

“For crying out loud, Mabel!” the brown haired boy slapped at the pillow jabbing him in the head angrily, and glared at his sister. “I already told you, there’s no place open at this time of night, anyway!”

Mabel gave him a wounded frown, ceasing her pillow poking for a moment.

“Yeah, huh!” she argued. “Carl’s Candy Compound is open twenty four seven!”

“That’s stupid, no it’s not!” he grumbled, rolling over. “No candy store is open all day, every day. Besides, I’m not going to walk all the way to town just to pick you up some-”

He was swiftly cut off, as the pillow resumed its ferocious poking.

“BWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMP!” Mabel cackled, slapping him about the head with the pillow.

“Cut that out!” he shouted, sitting up at last. “I already told you that I’m not pandering to your candy addiction, and that’s FINAL!”

Dipper trudged grumpily through the little town of Gravity Falls, slowly making his way toward Carl’s Candy Compound.

He grumbled bitterly to himself, pulling his small fleece vest around him a little tighter to ward off the night’s chill. His footsteps sounded across the concrete sidewalk as he marched forward, determined to complete his mission as quickly as possible and return home so that Mabel would let him sleep for once.

Dipper turned another corner, passing a couple of closed stores and glancing at his reflection in one of the sheet glass windows to the shops. It wasn’t normal for him to look so… well, grumpy. He grinned suddenly, the ridiculous idea of looking like a young Gruncle Stan bouncing around in his head for a minute or two.

“Wrinkles,” he snorted, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Of all the –”

The bright glare of a vehicle’s headlights flared at him as it turned the corner up ahead, so bright that it almost blinded him. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the vehicle’s sudden turn of lighting in his direction, he might not have even seen it.

There, lying sprawled face down in the center of the street, lay an unconscious young woman, one arm still outstretched toward the curb. She wore what looked like a dark blue dress with hair dyed a brilliant cerulean, and blended in to the pavement almost seamlessly in the dark.

Whom the vehicle was speeding directly toward.

Dipper darted into the street, thinking swiftly; she was twice his size, he’d never be able to move her out of the way in time…!

He leapt up and down, waving his arms in panic and shouting as loud as he could, standing directly in front of the oncoming vehicle. The horn shrieked as he stood over her, holding up his arms defensively at the oncoming car. Dipper held his breath as it flew at him, the impact impending…!

The car screeched to a halt at last mere inches from him, and Dipper at last realized that he had been holding his breath. He released it shakily with a half fearful laugh, suddenly finding that he had mysteriously become rather sweaty.

“Outta the way, ya’ friggin’ idiot!” the balding man behind the wheel of the car bellowed from within, giving the horn another loud honk.

“Right, right!” Dipper yelped, his voice sounding weak in his ears as he grabbed the young woman’s arms and threw them over his shoulders. She groaned heavily and began to stir as he did so, and he quickly tugged her out of the way. Completely against his expectations, the frail woman was surprisingly light. The balding man honked a few more times to hurry him, swerving around the pair and continuing along his way.

“Lady – hey, hey lady!” Dipper shrugged her off of him slowly, helping the woman to her feet after they reached the curb. She leaned tiredly against a mailbox beside an old and rusty lit streetlamp, blinking sluggishly without raising her head. “Lady, are you okay?”

She still refused to raise her head for a long moment, opting instead to stare at her hands and bare feet beneath her flowing dress.

“Lady,” Dipper began nervously, touching her on the arm and discovering that she felt unexpectedly cold, despite his sweaty hands. He uncomfortably wiped his hand on the leg of his pants, and said “Hey, lady; you don’t look so good, stay right here, I’m going to go find a payphone and call the co-ca-cacaawaaaaaah.”

Dipper suddenly found that his bottom jaw didn’t quite seem to be responding to his neural commands any longer, as the moment the woman tilted her head upward to face him, it hit him like a ton of bricks that she was clearly the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen.

… Sorry, Wendy!

Upon closer inspection in the dim lamplight, the woman had startlingly blue eyes – deep and whirling with color, almost as if they were slowly drawing him in. She had soft, pale skin, well kempt and tender. Even more so than Dipper, and Mabel had sometimes joked that if he grew any whiter, he could give a snowman a run for his money.

Her hair began to drift without a breeze gracefully behind her as she righted herself, and it took Dipper a long moment to realize that he wasn’t just seeing stars through her hair; he was seeing stars in her hair. It literally sparkled and twinkled with as much fervor as the stars above him, and the woman seemed to shine with a light all of her own. She practically radiated luminescence along with her shining black tiara, as if the moonlight actually made her even more regal looking.

“Colt, you appear to be drooling.”

And then Dipper fainted.

"Are you quite alright?" the woman asked, peering down at Dipper as he picked himself up. "Or do you creatures simply faint on the spot all the time?"

Dipper stared at her, and shook his head.

"Uh, sorry," he said sheepishly, rubbing his arm. "Must have, uh... panicked from the, uh... car. Yeah."

Luna gave him an odd look, slowly shaking her head.

"Regardless, colt, I wound thank thee for saving myself from that carriage; surely, had you not happened upon us so soon, we would have sustained serious injuries."

"O...kay?" Dipper said in confusion, backing away a little. Sure, she might have been pretty, but she still sounded like she landed on her head a little hard.

"Tell me, creature; what might thou be that I have assumed a likeness to thy form, and what peculiar place have I stumbled upon?"

Dipper's confusion slowly grew.

"I'm not a creature, my name is Dipper, I don't know what you mean, and you're in Gravity Falls." Dipper answered her questions accordingly.

She tilted her head slightly.

"Very well... Dipper. It is a pleasure to meet thine acquaintance, my savior. You may call me Luna; I am Princess Luna, former diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria."

Oh, yes. She definitely landed on her head hard.

"Great," Dipper smiled widely, backing away from the crazy woman slowly. "I'm just going to go call the cops now. You stay here, and the nice people in the white jackets will be here soon to take you home."

'Luna' shook her head sadly.

"I fear that my home is no more, young colt," she said sadly. "Long gone. 'Twas a great cataclysm that tore my world asunder; I have naught to return to."

For a moment, Dipper felt a bit of pity for her from the sheer sadness in her voice; but that didn't make her sound any less crazy. Although, she certainly did look like a princess.

"... Your world is gone, huh?" he stated slowly. "Hey, yeah. Wow. That sounds pretty interesting. Say, why don't you stay right here, and don't move. I'm going right over there," Dipper pointed to the payphone across the street, thankful for the change in his pocket that Mabel had given him. "I'm going to be just across the street, and I'm going to go -- well, I'll be right back. Okay... uh, 'Princess'?"

Luna nodded somberly, stretching her hands before her studiously.

"Very well," she said distractedly. "And princess is a title no longer befitting of myself, as I stated previously. Thou may refer to us as Luna."

Dipper was already halfway across the street.

It took Dipper only a few moments to contact the local authorities, and he informed them of his situation as quietly as he could. It would only be a few minutes before they arrived, and he hanged the phone back onto the receiver gratefully. As he was exiting the phone booth, he spotted the strange woman toying with something between her fingers; it must have been a lighter or something, because flickers of light would occasionally escape through her fingers, flaring brightly before vanishing.

Cautiously checking the nonexistent traffic (better safe than sorry, this time,) Dipper swiftly meandered back across the street and gave Luna a little wave.

"Hey!" he said friendlily. "Don't worry, la-Luna, help will be here soon."

She turned to him and the light vanished from between her fingers, but he didn't see her pocket a lighter.

"Thank you kindly, gallant colt," Luna smiled kindly at him, and Dipper could have sworn that he felt a heat rising suddenly in his cheeks. "After as much as I have been through, I cannot begin to tell you just how much your courageous and kind actions warm my heart."

"Aw, shucks," Dipper pulled his hat from his head, fiddling with it between his hands. He felt oddly guilty for a moment, but shrugged it off. "I'm sure anybody else would have done the same."

"Then surely, this is finally a world that perhaps is not as dark and treacherous as the many I have fallen through," Luna said softly, and patted him on the head.

He backed away quickly from her touch, and she gave him another curious look.

After a moment of staring at him, she laughed suddenly.

"Ah, I have been foalish. You creatures must find me absolutely unsightly," she said, gazing down at herself. "I must admit, this differs drastically from my alicornian state."

"No, no!" Dipper defended quickly. "You're beautiful! Uh, what I mean to say is-" he spluttered, straining to correct himself and eliciting another laugh.

"In my life, I have heard that many times, but never from so young a suitor!" Luna giggled, a melodious titter slipping through her fingers as she tried to cover her laughter.

Dipper flushed again, wishing that the police would stop taking their time and leaving him in awkward situations with the pretty crazy lady.

After a few quiet moments in which Luna allowed herself to cease her chortles, she asked "Dipper, was it? Might I ask if there were a place one could rest weary limbs? I fear that I am unaccustomed to standing in such a manner, and it causes much discomfort."

"Oh, uh..." Dipper thought quickly, wishing the sidewalk had a bench or something for the woman to wait until the police arrived. "Well..."

Luna sighed, shaking her head.

"Never thee mind, young one - I shall rectify this myself."

She clapped her hands, a radiant blue glow suddenly wrapping around her fingertips as an enormous plush sofa burst out of the air.

Luna panted slightly, wiping her brow, but smiled satisfactorily at it.

Dipper failed to realize that his mouth was hanging open once again.

The woman had just done magic.

Magic.

Right in front of him.

He opened and closed his mouth several times, staring flabbergasted as Luna snuggled comfortably against the sofa.

"There," she said with a small grin. "Much better."

The flicker of police lights rounding around the corner stirred Dipper, and he made his decision.

Maybe she wasn't lying about being a princess...

Or coming from another world.

Maybe he had just called the cops to haul away a woman that might not be so crazy, and she had just done magic in front of him holy crap!

"Quick, get up!" Dipper panicked, grabbing her wrist and throwing a hurried look at the oncoming police vehicle. Perhaps he had just enough time...!

"Oh, what is it now?" Luna asked in irritation, following his gaze. "Another pursuer?"

"Yeah, sure!" Dipper shouted, shoving her down an alleyway. "Just run!"

The wail of the police siren only followed them.

Author's Notes:

Yes.
This is a thing, now.