Gravity's Effect On Lunar Cycles

by Akumokagetsu

First published 27th of November, 2013

Gravity Falls is a strange little town. It gets a little staranger when Princess Luna shows up.

On a midnight trip to pick up candy for his sister, Dipper discovers a young woman lying in the middle of the street. However, as it turns out, Princess Luna isn't quite as young as she looks...
And boy, does she have a tale to tell.

Call Me Luna

“Bwamp.”

“No.”

“Bwamp bwamp?” the pillow poked him in the side of the head again, and Dipper remained steadfast in his angry glaring at the tilted wooden ceiling.

“Bwamp.”

“No.”

“Bwamp bwamp!”

“No.”

“Bwamp,” Mabel, his fraternal twin, poked him in the face with the pillow again. It didn’t necessarily hurt, but it was annoying enough to keep him from sleeping.

“No, Mabel.”

“Bwamp bwamp bwamp bwamp bwamp I can keep doing this all night, Dipper bwamp bwamp bwamp!”

“For crying out loud, Mabel!” the brown haired boy slapped at the pillow jabbing him in the head angrily, and glared at his sister. “I already told you, there’s no place open at this time of night, anyway!”

Mabel gave him a wounded frown, ceasing her pillow poking for a moment.

“Yeah, huh!” she argued. “Carl’s Candy Compound is open twenty four seven!”

“That’s stupid, no it’s not!” he grumbled, rolling over. “No candy store is open all day, every day. Besides, I’m not going to walk all the way to town just to pick you up some-”

He was swiftly cut off, as the pillow resumed its ferocious poking.

“BWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMPBWAMP!” Mabel cackled, slapping him about the head with the pillow.

“Cut that out!” he shouted, sitting up at last. “I already told you that I’m not pandering to your candy addiction, and that’s FINAL!”

Dipper trudged grumpily through the little town of Gravity Falls, slowly making his way toward Carl’s Candy Compound.

He grumbled bitterly to himself, pulling his small fleece vest around him a little tighter to ward off the night’s chill. His footsteps sounded across the concrete sidewalk as he marched forward, determined to complete his mission as quickly as possible and return home so that Mabel would let him sleep for once.

Dipper turned another corner, passing a couple of closed stores and glancing at his reflection in one of the sheet glass windows to the shops. It wasn’t normal for him to look so… well, grumpy. He grinned suddenly, the ridiculous idea of looking like a young Gruncle Stan bouncing around in his head for a minute or two.

“Wrinkles,” he snorted, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Of all the –”

The bright glare of a vehicle’s headlights flared at him as it turned the corner up ahead, so bright that it almost blinded him. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the vehicle’s sudden turn of lighting in his direction, he might not have even seen it.

There, lying sprawled face down in the center of the street, lay an unconscious young woman, one arm still outstretched toward the curb. She wore what looked like a dark blue dress with hair dyed a brilliant cerulean, and blended in to the pavement almost seamlessly in the dark.

Whom the vehicle was speeding directly toward.

Dipper darted into the street, thinking swiftly; she was twice his size, he’d never be able to move her out of the way in time…!

He leapt up and down, waving his arms in panic and shouting as loud as he could, standing directly in front of the oncoming vehicle. The horn shrieked as he stood over her, holding up his arms defensively at the oncoming car. Dipper held his breath as it flew at him, the impact impending…!

The car screeched to a halt at last mere inches from him, and Dipper at last realized that he had been holding his breath. He released it shakily with a half fearful laugh, suddenly finding that he had mysteriously become rather sweaty.

“Outta the way, ya’ friggin’ idiot!” the balding man behind the wheel of the car bellowed from within, giving the horn another loud honk.

“Right, right!” Dipper yelped, his voice sounding weak in his ears as he grabbed the young woman’s arms and threw them over his shoulders. She groaned heavily and began to stir as he did so, and he quickly tugged her out of the way. Completely against his expectations, the frail woman was surprisingly light. The balding man honked a few more times to hurry him, swerving around the pair and continuing along his way.

“Lady – hey, hey lady!” Dipper shrugged her off of him slowly, helping the woman to her feet after they reached the curb. She leaned tiredly against a mailbox beside an old and rusty lit streetlamp, blinking sluggishly without raising her head. “Lady, are you okay?”

She still refused to raise her head for a long moment, opting instead to stare at her hands and bare feet beneath her flowing dress.

“Lady,” Dipper began nervously, touching her on the arm and discovering that she felt unexpectedly cold, despite his sweaty hands. He uncomfortably wiped his hand on the leg of his pants, and said “Hey, lady; you don’t look so good, stay right here, I’m going to go find a payphone and call the co-ca-cacaawaaaaaah.”

Dipper suddenly found that his bottom jaw didn’t quite seem to be responding to his neural commands any longer, as the moment the woman tilted her head upward to face him, it hit him like a ton of bricks that she was clearly the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen.

… Sorry, Wendy!

Upon closer inspection in the dim lamplight, the woman had startlingly blue eyes – deep and whirling with color, almost as if they were slowly drawing him in. She had soft, pale skin, well kempt and tender. Even more so than Dipper, and Mabel had sometimes joked that if he grew any whiter, he could give a snowman a run for his money.

Her hair began to drift without a breeze gracefully behind her as she righted herself, and it took Dipper a long moment to realize that he wasn’t just seeing stars through her hair; he was seeing stars in her hair. It literally sparkled and twinkled with as much fervor as the stars above him, and the woman seemed to shine with a light all of her own. She practically radiated luminescence along with her shining black tiara, as if the moonlight actually made her even more regal looking.

“Colt, you appear to be drooling.”

And then Dipper fainted.

"Are you quite alright?" the woman asked, peering down at Dipper as he picked himself up. "Or do you creatures simply faint on the spot all the time?"

Dipper stared at her, and shook his head.

"Uh, sorry," he said sheepishly, rubbing his arm. "Must have, uh... panicked from the, uh... car. Yeah."

Luna gave him an odd look, slowly shaking her head.

"Regardless, colt, I wound thank thee for saving myself from that carriage; surely, had you not happened upon us so soon, we would have sustained serious injuries."

"O...kay?" Dipper said in confusion, backing away a little. Sure, she might have been pretty, but she still sounded like she landed on her head a little hard.

"Tell me, creature; what might thou be that I have assumed a likeness to thy form, and what peculiar place have I stumbled upon?"

Dipper's confusion slowly grew.

"I'm not a creature, my name is Dipper, I don't know what you mean, and you're in Gravity Falls." Dipper answered her questions accordingly.

She tilted her head slightly.

"Very well... Dipper. It is a pleasure to meet thine acquaintance, my savior. You may call me Luna; I am Princess Luna, former diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria."

Oh, yes. She definitely landed on her head hard.

"Great," Dipper smiled widely, backing away from the crazy woman slowly. "I'm just going to go call the cops now. You stay here, and the nice people in the white jackets will be here soon to take you home."

'Luna' shook her head sadly.

"I fear that my home is no more, young colt," she said sadly. "Long gone. 'Twas a great cataclysm that tore my world asunder; I have naught to return to."

For a moment, Dipper felt a bit of pity for her from the sheer sadness in her voice; but that didn't make her sound any less crazy. Although, she certainly did look like a princess.

"... Your world is gone, huh?" he stated slowly. "Hey, yeah. Wow. That sounds pretty interesting. Say, why don't you stay right here, and don't move. I'm going right over there," Dipper pointed to the payphone across the street, thankful for the change in his pocket that Mabel had given him. "I'm going to be just across the street, and I'm going to go -- well, I'll be right back. Okay... uh, 'Princess'?"

Luna nodded somberly, stretching her hands before her studiously.

"Very well," she said distractedly. "And princess is a title no longer befitting of myself, as I stated previously. Thou may refer to us as Luna."

Dipper was already halfway across the street.

It took Dipper only a few moments to contact the local authorities, and he informed them of his situation as quietly as he could. It would only be a few minutes before they arrived, and he hanged the phone back onto the receiver gratefully. As he was exiting the phone booth, he spotted the strange woman toying with something between her fingers; it must have been a lighter or something, because flickers of light would occasionally escape through her fingers, flaring brightly before vanishing.

Cautiously checking the nonexistent traffic (better safe than sorry, this time,) Dipper swiftly meandered back across the street and gave Luna a little wave.

"Hey!" he said friendlily. "Don't worry, la-Luna, help will be here soon."

She turned to him and the light vanished from between her fingers, but he didn't see her pocket a lighter.

"Thank you kindly, gallant colt," Luna smiled kindly at him, and Dipper could have sworn that he felt a heat rising suddenly in his cheeks. "After as much as I have been through, I cannot begin to tell you just how much your courageous and kind actions warm my heart."

"Aw, shucks," Dipper pulled his hat from his head, fiddling with it between his hands. He felt oddly guilty for a moment, but shrugged it off. "I'm sure anybody else would have done the same."

"Then surely, this is finally a world that perhaps is not as dark and treacherous as the many I have fallen through," Luna said softly, and patted him on the head.

He backed away quickly from her touch, and she gave him another curious look.

After a moment of staring at him, she laughed suddenly.

"Ah, I have been foalish. You creatures must find me absolutely unsightly," she said, gazing down at herself. "I must admit, this differs drastically from my alicornian state."

"No, no!" Dipper defended quickly. "You're beautiful! Uh, what I mean to say is-" he spluttered, straining to correct himself and eliciting another laugh.

"In my life, I have heard that many times, but never from so young a suitor!" Luna giggled, a melodious titter slipping through her fingers as she tried to cover her laughter.

Dipper flushed again, wishing that the police would stop taking their time and leaving him in awkward situations with the pretty crazy lady.

After a few quiet moments in which Luna allowed herself to cease her chortles, she asked "Dipper, was it? Might I ask if there were a place one could rest weary limbs? I fear that I am unaccustomed to standing in such a manner, and it causes much discomfort."

"Oh, uh..." Dipper thought quickly, wishing the sidewalk had a bench or something for the woman to wait until the police arrived. "Well..."

Luna sighed, shaking her head.

"Never thee mind, young one - I shall rectify this myself."

She clapped her hands, a radiant blue glow suddenly wrapping around her fingertips as an enormous plush sofa burst out of the air.

Luna panted slightly, wiping her brow, but smiled satisfactorily at it.

Dipper failed to realize that his mouth was hanging open once again.

The woman had just done magic.

Magic.

Right in front of him.

He opened and closed his mouth several times, staring flabbergasted as Luna snuggled comfortably against the sofa.

"There," she said with a small grin. "Much better."

The flicker of police lights rounding around the corner stirred Dipper, and he made his decision.

Maybe she wasn't lying about being a princess...

Or coming from another world.

Maybe he had just called the cops to haul away a woman that might not be so crazy, and she had just done magic in front of him holy crap!

"Quick, get up!" Dipper panicked, grabbing her wrist and throwing a hurried look at the oncoming police vehicle. Perhaps he had just enough time...!

"Oh, what is it now?" Luna asked in irritation, following his gaze. "Another pursuer?"

"Yeah, sure!" Dipper shouted, shoving her down an alleyway. "Just run!"

The wail of the police siren only followed them.

Author's Notes:

Yes.
This is a thing, now.

A Little Ol' Place Where We Can Get Together

“Come on, come on…!” Dipper breathed, leading Luna after him in a panic. The gratingly loud wail of police sirens behind them tore at his ears, growing closer and closer. “We’ve got to get out of here, now!”

“Why?” Luna queried, bare feet slapping the pavement rhythmically behind him. “What besieges us? And what in Tartarus is that ghastly noise?”

“Police!” he answered, hurriedly darting down an alleyway. “Come on before they catch you!”

“Why are we fleeing the law?” Luna pried, throwing a glance at the flashing lights over her shoulder before following him out of their view. “Have you committed atrocities against your kind?”

For a brief moment Dippers considered admitting that it was because he had called them, but it made him feel even worse.

“Uh, because…!” he thought quickly, taking a breath and struggling to find an excuse that didn’t paint him in an awful light. “Because of… the magic!”

“Magic?” Luna peered down at him, and didn’t even seem winded. Dipper felt a bit out of shape from that.

“That’s right!” he snapped his fingers. “Most people in this world don’t have magic. So if the long arm o’ the law finds out you have it, things might get sticky. Best to just lay low on that kind of stuff for a while until we can get everything sorted out,” Dipper explained.

It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but Dipper still felt dirty for saying it nonetheless. The estranged princess cupped her chin in two fingers as she lost herself in thought, and nodded after a few moments.

“I understand,” she said a little sadly, only serving to make the boy cringe again. Dipper shook the feeling off, waiting until the noisy sirens had long since passed before finally allowing himself to breath again.

“… Alright,” he spoke up after a little while. “I think we’ll be safe enough if we don’t draw attention to ourselves, Princess.”

“Please, call me Luna.”

“Do you have anywhere to stay, P-Luna?” Dipper asked, and the princess’s hand crept wearily up one of her forearms as if to feel a part of herself that wasn’t really there.

“I am afraid that I am just as lost in this strange world as I have been many others,” she confessed tiredly. “I had all but given up hope when you rescued me from that iron beast.”

“Aw, it was nothing,” Dipper forcibly pretended that he wasn’t blushing and was actually very suave looking despite the glow in his cheeks and ears. “I totally have a place that you could stay for now, if you want.”

NO DIPPER NO STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP STOP STOP STOP-

“Your generosity is graciously accepted, heroic colt,” she smiled warmly at him, which he matched. “I shall remember your hospitality for all time.”

“That’s a long time,” he said jokingly, although the princess did not smile. Dipper coughed into one hand awkwardly. “By the way, I, uh… might have to take care of something first.”

“Well?” Mabel danced eagerly back and forth from one foot to another. “Well well well well well well? Where’s it at, huh? Huh huh huh huh?”

“Uh, yeah…” Dipper rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, nervously holding their bedroom door in the Mystery Shack just wide enough that his face was revealed. “About your candy…”

“Are you telling me you went all that way and didn’t even get the candy?” his sister gawked at him in a mixture of disbelief and offended shock. “Are you kidding?”

“Well, actually, I kind of did bring something back,” he chuckled anxiously. “Or, uh… someone, rather.”

“… Oh. My. Gosh,” Mabel broke out into a toothy smile that showed off her braces. “Dipper, did you bring back a little lost puppy?”

Dipper opened his mouth and promptly shut it again.

“Eeeey-no, not-not a puppy, exactly…”

“Lemme see, lemme see!” Mabel shoved the door open hard, eliciting a yelp when it smacked him in the nose.

“… Hello,” the revealed Luna greeted her calmly, almost double her height.

“Agh! Stranger danger!” Mabel screeched, almost tripping over herself to get away from the slightly hurt princess.

“Mabel, shh!” Dipper struggled to quiet her whilst gripping his throbbing nose. “Hush, you’ll wake up Grunkle Stan!”

“I do not know what this ‘Grunkle’ you speak of is,” Luna eyed the small room with a hint of disdain. “But it sounds unpleasant.”

“And he smells like old people and beef jerky,” Dipper deadpanned, rubbing his nose.

“I am not acquainted with this ‘beef jerky’ either,” she blinked, all the while Mabel was slowly strolling around her and inspecting the princess with a careful eye. “Is it a form of currency in this world?”

Mabel finally stood still to gape at the little black tiara atop her head.

“Holy acorns you’re an alien princess,” she blurted aloud, looking far more gleeful than she was surprised.

“Alicorn, actually.”

“She’s staying with us for a while,” Dipper explained as he dragged out a couple of spare blankets from their shared closet.

“At least until we have thrown off the ‘long arm of the law,” Luna said with a conspiratorial grin.

“It’s like Grunkle Stan says,” Mabel nodded sagely. “Anything’s legal when there’s no cops around.”

“Mabel, that’s awful advice,” Dipper deadpanned. “Now help me get the blankets, one of us has to sleep on the floor-”

“What in the blue blazes is going on in here?”

Mabel and Dipper nearly had cause to change their pants.

A crankily blinking and withered face peered in from around the corner, glaring drowsily at the trio for a full beat before resting his eyes on the silent princess. The heavy scowl of Stan Pines, the owner and proprietor of the ‘Mystery Shack’ tourist shop seemed neither pleased nor all that attentive.

“Hello,” Luna nodded toward him politely, tiara glinting a little in the light of the hanging bulb. “I am an alienated alicorn princess in search of a new home ever since my kingdom was destroyed in a great calamity.”

“… Yeah that’s great,” Stan turned unblinkingly to the twins. “If your hobo friend takes anything from the fridge she’s either paying for it up front or working it off.”

“Uh… y-yes sir, Grunkle Stan!” Dipper saluted at an odd angle, to which he only grumbled and wandered off. Dipper let out a heavy sigh of relief at long last, thoroughly exhausted.

At long last, Mabel broke the silence.

“… I’m not sleeping on the couch.”

Gravity Of The Situation

Dipper wandered, though for how long he did not know.

Had it been hours?

Days?

Months?

… Years?

It was all so... gray.

Gray clouds, gray skies, gray sand that he trudged through and gray waves of crashing ocean against the shore. What few patches of grass (gray, of course) that actually managed to sprout up were long since dead. The air felt cold against his skin and he pulled his vest a little tighter around him, forcing himself to continue along the coastline. Although for what, he had no idea. There was the odd prickle in the back of his mind that implored him to continue, to see all that there was to see, even if it meant following until the end of the ocean itself. Another part of him urged to turn back before it was too late, but it was surely irrational. Then again, it wasn't like much seemed rational at the time.

Whatever time it was, anyway.

He took a momentary glance backwards to see just how far he had traveled.

He had no footprints.

Dipper fought off a rising surge of panic that clawed it's way into his chest. Was he like a ghost? Could he really not leave a mark at all?

And did it really even matter if he was all alone?

Alone.

The word rang horribly in his head as he desperately pushed onward, searching for something that he had not yet identified. Maybe if he just kept going he could remember why he started in the first place. Maybe –

Dipper jolted awake, soaked with sweat. He thrashed momentarily before he realized just how deeply he was buried in his blankets, forcibly shoving off the heavy quilt and taking shallow gulps of air.

Of course, there was no endless gray beach. It was just a dream.

He rubbed his eyes and pushed down the yawn that insisted upon making itself present, his foggy mind still hazily remembering the unpleasant dream. He wasn't even sure if he could call it a nightmare, as it wasn't terrifying (on second thought cursed to wander in the same direction fruitlessly and endlessly was fairly terrifying) but the heavy feeling in his chest remained. It had just been... unpleasant. He mulled it over for a minute, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair and finally giving in to the yawn. He'd probably forget all about the dream by the time breakfast was over.

He reached around his bed half blind, stifling another yawn as he searched for his journal.

And then he realized that, for some reason, he was on the floor.

It wasn't a dream.

It all came rushing back in an instant, and once again Dipper felt as if he had been struck with an electric shock.

He had given Princess Luna his bed for the night. However, his bed was empty, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that she had actually made the bed, unlike Mabel's messy half of the room. It was either that, or she had simply not slept at all.

Dipper pulled himself from the blankets and folded them neatly, cracking his stiff back from sleeping on the hardwood floor with a grimace. Both Mabel and Luna seemed to be gone, even though a glance out the window displayed that it was still early morning. A bird chirruped somewhere from within the tall pines.

In other words, it was suspiciously silent and it was seriously putting Dipper on edge.

He hadn't bothered to even undress the night before aside from slipping off his vest and hat, and he quickly reclaimed it as well as stuffing the journal into the inner pocket. There were simply too many questions bouncing around his head. Dipper almost bolted down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time and clicking one of his newer pens through his fingers as he did so. There was nobody in the living room where the rickety old television sat, and he caught his reflection in the fish tank holding one of Grunkle Stan's 'mysteries'. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess peeking out from under his cap, and the sleep lines on his face were apparent and plain. He rubbed his cheeks roughly a few times to no avail.

He heard a strangled coughing coming from the kitchen and investigated immediately. Much to his surprise, he found Princess Luna in her same navy blue dress with her legs pulled up at an odd angle underneath her in the chair, while his sister sat across from her at the kitchen table filling up a glass with what he assumed was motor oil and glitter from a pitcher.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Mabel chirruped before taking a long swig of her drink.

“Mabel, are-are you drinking gasoline or something?” Dipper couldn't help but ask as he stared.

“She calls it 'Mabel Juice',” Luna carefully pushed her own nearly full coffee mug away from herself, watching it scoot across the table. “It is, er... quite the concoction.”

“I made it with coffee, energy drinks, and orange juice!” Mabel puffed out her chest proudly. “Want some?”

“Why are there plastic dinosaurs in it?” Dipper poked at the pitcher in blatant disgust.

“Uh, for texture. Duh.”

“I think I'll pass,” he frowned. “We're getting sidetracked, I actually had some questions-”

“You're not the only one.”

Dipper jumped at the sound of Grunkle Stan's voice directly behind him, and he quickly sidestepped to allow the older man entrance. Stan wore nothing more than a stained old white tee shirt as well as a pair of boxers. He held a cup of steaming coffee in one hand and a rolled up newspaper in the other, and he slowly crossed his arms to level a stare at Luna.

“I wouldn't drink that, if I were you,” he added.

“Good morning, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel hopped off of her chair and carried the pitcher with her. “I made Mabel Juice, want some?”

“No thanks, honey. I've already met my yearly seizure quota, but thanks for the offer.”

“More for me then,” Mabel shrugged. Luna looked as if she were about to stop her but Mabel chugged straight from the pitcher anyway, eventually letting out a loud belch.

“So anyway,” Grunkle Stan took a seat at the head of the table, shuffling his slippers along the floor as he sat. “Can't help but notice that you're still in my house.”

“I do not believe that we have been formally introduced,” Luna bowed her head respectfully, folding her hands over one another atop the table. “'Tis a great honor to meet the owner of such a lovely home.”

“Owner and proprietor of the Mystery Shack, that's me,” Stan said in a rehearsed tone. “By the way, I'm charging you rent for sleeping here. This isn't a hotel, sister.”

“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper scowled indignantly. “You can't just-just charge her for sleeping here!”

“Yeah!” Mabel slammed the pitcher down on the table, splashing potential deathliquid onto the surrounding area. “You can't charge someone for sleeping when they didn't even sleep!”

“Wait, so that's what that noise was?” Grunkle Stan blinked, rearranging his square spectacles. “Huh. I thought those giant rats just got in again.”

“Wait, since when have there been gigantic rodents?” Dipper asked uncertainly. He flicked through the journal and thumbed over a couple of entries on giant animals, uncertain.

“Oh, please,” Mabel rolled her eyes. “Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist.”

There was a loud bang! that caused everyone in the kitchen to jump. A set of loud, heavy steps came thudding toward the screen door, and it was pushed roughly to reveal a very out of breath and sweating heavy set man with a brown cap, his worn shirt displaying a large faded question mark. He held a broom in one hand, a trash can lid in the other.

“I got here as soon as I got the message, Mister Pines!” Soos shouted, brandishing the broom. “Don't worry boss, they're not gonna shut us down because of pests!”

“False alarm, Soos,” Grunkle Stan grunted. “No rats, just a hobo.”

“... You want I should use the broom, boss?”

“Nobody is getting hit with a broom!” Dipper insisted, slamming his journal shut and slipping it back into his vest. “And she's not a hobo, Luna is just-just, uh...”

“A nomad?” she added helpfully.

“Yeah!” Dipper clapped his hands together. “See? Not a hobo.”

“I believe the correct term would be 'squatter',” Stan grumbled before taking a swig of his coffee. He then shuddered.

“... Mabel, sweetie.”

“Yeah, Grunkle Stan?”

“You filled the coffee pot with 'Mabel Juice', didn't you.”

“Well, what else am I gonna make it in?”

“It's really not so bad once you get used to the burning sensation,” Luna added.

“I think you fail to understand the gravity of the situation,” Grunkle Stan said quietly, leveling a very strange stare at her from atop his glasses. “And that still doesn't answer any of my more pressing questions,” Stan continued with a frown. “Like, 'why are you in my house,' most prominently. And the hair thing that you're doing, with the stars? It's creepy.”

“I suppose...” Luna began after a long pause, taking a deep breath. “That if you were to know the full story, I would have to go back to the beginning. You see, a very, very long time ago, in a place far, far away, there existed a land called Equestria...”

Author's Notes:

I'm back, minions.