Dear Diary,

I'll try to make this brief since I have a feeling I may not have the chance to keep writing to you pretty soon...

I never really spent a lot of time imagining what I would say to Polaris if I ever saw him again; I never really wanted to entertain the thought... But I must admit even I'm surprised at what happened. I wish I could say I was happy about how it went, but it seems the fucking bastard already had plans for me if I was defiant...

I had just finished getting my mom caught up on my time in Ponyville when Polaris came in, insisting mom leave to check up on Starsong. I had no idea Starsong was even here. I trust she's okay now since mom is looking over her; I don't know anypony stronger in healing magic. Unfortunately that's all I know right now. I hope she's back on her hooves sooner rather than later, for both our sakes...

With mom gone, the gravity of my situation truly hit me... The monster I'd been dreading for as long as I can remember was right in front of me, but instead of cower, all the rage and frustration that had been building over the course of my entire life finally erupted. Ignoring my fear of his magic (which, admittedly, cost me a few times...), I told Polaris exactly what I thought of him and his obsession with me and this fucking mark on flank... And most of all, I told him in no uncertain terms that I will never have anything to do with his precious family destiny.

To my utter shock, he actually backed off... momentarily. But then he opened the door and into my room walked another personal nightmare. Cirro Stratus; CEO of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory, and my most recent Master... That bastard Polaris actually laughed when he saw me recoil. He explained that he and Stratus had struck a business deal; the Star Family would gain majority control over the weather factory in exchange for my collar.

... I... I've just been sold back into slavery...! These ponies have reduced me to a bargaining chip.

Something about this doesn't seem to add up though... Why would Stratus be willing to give up so much just to get me back? I was in the same apartment he regularly "visited" me at for almost three years after I resigned my position as his secretary and in all that time he never bothered me at all. Something tells me I should be even more worried about this than I already am...

Hmm... At the same time though, living under Stratus again wouldn't be that bad. Though he was demanding of me and my body, he actually treated me really well. I certainly wouldn't have been able to launch my career without the gifts he showered on me. He could learn a thing or two about courtesy from South Pole though.

I hate myself for thinking this, but I sometimes look back on that time fondly... Though he stole so much from me in the beginning, once we understood each other, my life with him was really nice... Even being forced-upon, I could feel the genuine affection we developed for one another, despite the circumstances. I wonder if maybe

What the fuck am I saying?! I finally have my very own special somepony, for Luna's sake! There's no way I could be entertaining the thought that this could possibly be anything but a complete nightmare for me! That's not me anymore...

I don't know what to do... as long as I'm in this estate, my hooves are effectively tied (and quite possibly literally shortly...). Mom and Starsong have been taken out of the picture; I'm completely alone in this now... I don't know how I can face this alone. Big Mac, everypony... please come for me soon. Please find me somehow...

~ Starshadow