Dear Diary,

It's been a while since we last talked. Sorry about that. I've been in the middle of doing some serious soul-searching and, as usual for me recently, things are still happening really quickly around me.

Do you remember how I was going to confront Thunderlane before...? Well, I never got the chance. Nopony knows how, but he apparently cut himself loose and then just vanished... There is the possibility that somepony broke him out, but why would anypony want to help him?! Especially here in Ponyville, where crime is apparently so unheard of that there's only one permanent guard barracks in it... Anyway, the guards and Fluttershy turned the town upside-down looking for him and found no trace. Finally satisfied that he was no longer in Ponyville, the guard presence in Ponyville returned to normal and things started to get back to normal in town.

I'm not worried about Thunderlane coming after me again though, because I have the two strongest, most amazing ponies in Equestria by my side every day now... I am, however, still uncertain about where I stand emotionally. My feelings for AJ are just as strong as they were the morning we fooled around with each other, but I still love Big Mac as well, perhaps even more now that I know how generous he truly is...

Thankfully the next few days were pretty quiet. While the guards were tearing through Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres was for the most part spared any such cacophony. I passed the days helping Big Mac and AJ on the farm any way I could. My days were simple but tiring; still it felt nice to be helpful to the stallion and mare I've come to adore...

That tranquility was suddenly shattered by Rainbow Dash barreling down on us with shocking news. Apparently miss Vinyl was off on a bit of an adventure of her own, unbeknownst to me. Vinyl had been at a concert to see Octavia perform. During the performance, Octavia apparently had some kind of "wardrobe malfunction" (neither the article nor the mares themselves would elaborate on that point...) Anyway, in order to keep Octavia from ending up in the middle of a scandal, she decided to cause one herself...

Vinyl left the concert hall before the orchestra and proceeded to attack the gathered press ponies, going so far as to wreck some of their offices before her tirade caught the attention of the Royal Guard. Even then, rather than surrender, she let the guards on a chase through the streets of Los Pegasus, causing further mayhem at every available opportunity. The whole scandal pretty quickly got a reaction in the form of her label completely dropping her...

Naturally I was shocked to hear about this, I didn't even know she had left town... Dash and I flew over to Vinyl and (sort of) mine's house to find she and Octavia in the middle of a... conversation... Or rather we fell into the middle of it (don't ask; let's just say that Rainbow Dash is a bit of a busybody sometimes...). Anyway, once things settled down, Vinyl and Octavia told us about what had happened themselves.

Vinyl seems to be in pretty high spirits considering she just essentially destroyed her own career... I wonder if I could talk Bar Back into letting her play with me again here in Ponyville, just the private shows like before. Though talking to Vinyl now, I'm wondering if she would even agree to it if I asked her...

Hmm, that reminds me; I need to go apologize to Bar Back for canceling my performances indefinitely out of the blue. I'm sure he's probably heard about what happened by now, but still...

When the question of what I had been up to came up though, the room quickly chilled. I wasn't able to find the words myself, but thankfully Dash's bluntness spared me from having to recount those events myself... Vinyl had no idea what had happened right after she left a week ago; I suppose it's understandable that she didn't hear about what was happening here (as she was too busy rampaging through the streets of Los Pegasus; I swear that mare is out of her bucking mind...). She and Octavia were both apologetic and supportive once they found out, of course.

At this point Applejack found us and told us there was a feast waiting for us back at Sweet Apple Acres. When we arrived at the barn though, another surprise was waiting for me...

I've made some wonderful friends in the short time I've been in Ponyville. Not including Big Mac and AJ (who are much more than mere "friends" to me now), I've been able to further strengthen my bond with Vinyl. I've also become closer to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy; while I can't say the circumstances were pleasant, their support through all of this has been so heart-warming. Both pegasi mares were out to visit me on the farm every day while I was working with Big Mac and AJ.

I made a new friend tonight too, an earth mare named Pinkie Pie (though I guess it would be more accurate to say I had her friendship forcefully shoved down my throat...). Applejack and the others had offhoofedly mentioned their pink friend from time to time, but nothing could have prepared me for meeting the mare face to face. Pinkie Pie had set up a "surprise/cheer up" party for me while I was out with Rainbow Dash. Actually she kind of spewed it at me all at once... This mare has an... overwhelming presence about her; I'm not even sure how to describe it. She's not dominating or anything like that... In fact, she's the most aggressively sunny, friendly pony I've ever heard of, let alone met. But she's so... random, I guess? I don't know what to make of her, but somehow I can't help but smile at her presence.

After the party, Pinkie Pie told us to allow her to clean up the mess, producing a cannon that she somehow intended to use to do the job. Before I could question the logic of this though, AJ pulled me aside and said simply to not bother. The way she said that tells me there are probably allot of things about Pinkie Pie I shouldn't try to think too hard about...

After Big Mac, AJ and I got back to their house, I asked AJ if I could be alone with Big Mac and she agreed. Once we were alone, I finally let out the fear I'd been holding in all week. I asked the question, already knowing in my heart what the answer must be; how could anypony want to be with me after all the things I'd been through, and after I had betrayed them with somepony else... But to my surprise, Big Mac forgave me without a moment's hesitation, saying he still wanted me to be my special somepony.

I felt warm, contented, hearing him say those words... I've missed that feeling. I missed the security of his massive body wrapped around my own. I miss his compassion, his honesty. I miss him... We're going to be sleeping together for the first time since the attack tonight. I can't help but feel a little anxious; it's the first time since then that I've let myself be so vulnerable. But I believe in him, my stoic stallion. I know I can trust him.

... I know I can...

~ Starshadow