Dear Diary,

I'm not sure where to start this entry... I'm not sure of allot of things right now. The last three weeks of my life feel like years; I don't know how to make sense of it...

I guess I should just start at the beginning, right...?

So, I had an... interesting surprise waiting for me this morning. I woke up to find my forehoof buried against my bedmate's already sopping wet marehood. At first she didn't notice that I was awake and apparently decided she had had enough, but the whole situation quickly went to my sleep-addled head and before I could stop to think about it, I was attacking her foal hole myself.

Despite being far stronger than me, she made no real effort to stop me. We ended up straddling one another, with me on top (I know weird right?). The shock at finding me reciprocating her naughty advances finally seemed to wear off at this point and she began to lap at my folds as well. More that pleasure, there was genuine affection in her touch. For a moment, I let that affection wash over me, comforting me... But I had a job to do; Applejack needed desperately to get off, and I was going to use everything I had ever learned about mares to make sure she had the most explosive orgasm she'd ever had.

Before too much longer, AJ was nearing her peak, and knowing this, I went straight after her most sensitive point, dragging her into a screaming orgasm. I wasn't satisfied with this though; AJ deserves only the highest, most intense pleasure... I continued my assault on her clit, driving her into a second climax before the first had even crested and, to everypony's surprise, she squirted. Hard. Harder than I've ever seen; harder than I can remember myself ever doing it... I was entranced, staring proudly at the results of my love-fueled ministrations.

So there's another thing... I think I'm in love with Applejack as well. The last few days have opened my eyes to how caring and generous she can be to those she cares for even a little bit. The things she's done for me... The more I'm thinking about it, I'm realizing I have the exact same feeling towards her as I do for her brother...

It's hard to believe this time two weeks ago, she was threatening to buck my skull in. Is it me, do you think? Am I too quick to trust, to call these foreign feelings love? It is something I have no real experience with before coming to Ponyville after all...

If nothing else, I have to thank her for allowing me the opportunity to feel my normal again. It's a nice feeling not being overwhelmed by fear and confusion every time a stallion enters my line of sight. I will have to make this up to Mast Big Mac later though...I've been really harsh to him the last few days, and then to do what I did with his sister right in front of him... I hope he isn't too mad at me...

Actually, I'm not sure how I feel about that either. All this talking about my past under South Pole and... the others... has really sparked my darker fantasies again. Just like Sunset said all those years ago... I've developed a taste for punishment; part of me longs for the pain and degradation... After everything I've told them, I wonder if I could get one or both of them to dom me...?

That was the end of the fun part of my day. Once everypony calmed down, I continued to tell the two of them my story. Today was especially difficult... I told them of the auction. It was a relatively calm day in the sense that nopony raped me, but it was also the day that my will began to shatter completely. It was the last time I saw my friend Sunset...

Thankfully, they didn't press me for too many details about my time under them... I actually don't remember much of it, I don't even know what their names are... What I do remember of that time is nightmarish, even weighed against all the other nightmares I've suffered through... Master wasn't so bad in the long run; he was twisted in his kinks and always found some new way to degrade me along with using me. I learned to live with that though, my pride was already broken long ago... Mistress, however... I've never met a more sadistic, cruel... and altogether clever pony in my entire life. Master had forbade her from "damaging his property", but somehow she found increasingly excruciating ways to torture me that never left a scar... Magic is truly amazing and terrible sometimes...

With that out, the next most logical question came up: how could such an underground exist right under the noses of Princesses? Some ponies believe the absolute power in Equestria, and indeed the world, is Princess Celestia and Princess Luna; even the two of them seem to believe it. But the truth is, the greatest power in Equestria is bits. The underground in Canterlot thrives because it is built around extreme wealth. Such wealth affords the underground the capacity to make problems literally disappear...

I could see that AJ wanted to go to Princess Twilight about what I had told them, but knowing what would come of it, I couldn't let the ponies I love take that risk for me. What happened to me was horrible, I realize, but it's in the past. I can't let that vile stain on my life affect me any more...

Besides, there's a much more recent stain I have to attend to...

In my exuberance to impress upon AJ how desperately I didn't want them to get hurt, I kind of let it slip that I've fallen for both Apple siblings... Before anypony could dwell on it though, Twilight arrived with news: Thunderlane had been captured (inside Ponyville apparently; it doesn't seem like the smartest place to hide out, but then it did take them three days to find him so...).

I don't know exactly what I want to say to him, but I know that I have to say something. I have to do something to close this chapter in my life, or I'll not be able to move on to all the other things hanging over my head. AJ and Big Mac... everypony that helped me to this point deserves better than that.

We're on our way to see him now. I don't know what to feel as the moment arrives, but knowing that I'll have two of the most important ponies in my world with me will bring me strength. I pray it will be enough...

~ Starshadow