Dear Diary,

As soon as I was awake enough to, Big Mac and Applejack approached me again. Talking about the days after I became South Pole's pet is still difficult; even after all this time, that heartbreak seems to linger whenever I think of him...

Don't worry about me crying on you again; I think I've finally run out of tears...

After South Pole revealed his true colors, he took every opportunity to use me to his satisfaction. While it stopped hurting physically, every time felt as though my heart was being torn apart over and over... Finally, apparently satisfied with my lack of resistance, he forgot one night to lock the door behind him; I knew this was my chance...I had to get away from Canterlot... I had to find Starsong. But I wouldn't even make it to the door...

My own clumsiness betrayed me, and when South Pole saw me trying to leave, he snapped. He brought me back to his room, tied me down and... and forced me to submit to him completely... That was the night I first began to realize that I liked to be abused... that pain could get me off. It was also the night I gave up hope of meeting any other fate than this...

It didn't take South Pole long to break my already flagging spirit completely. I had already lost track of how long I had been in his mansion when a new figure came into my life, one to whom I still owe so much for saving me from completely giving up on myself... Sunset Flash.

I remember the first time I saw her... I had been clumsy in servicing South Pole earlier that day and he deemed it necessary to punish me on a paddling machine. The strikes had been lined up to hit directly on my pussy but the movement of the machine was too slow to ever allow me to get off on it. I was on edge for what seemed like months at the time before South Pole finally stopped the torturous machine and left me and the other filly alone in the room. She saw that I was desperate and suffering and, risking punishment herself, untied me and tongued me to a long overdue climax. After that, she and I saw each other allot. She was owned by South Pole's brother, North Pole, and the two worked closely together. Whenever North Pole came to visit, Sunset Flash and I were left alone together. She had been a slave much longer than I had, yet she somehow never seemed completely broken by her experiences... She was there for me when I broke down, and she taught me how to survive and make the best of my new life...

She was the best thing that happened to me while I was living in that acre of Tartarus; she was the reason I made it through that time. As much as I want to forget this whole chapter, I still miss her sometimes... I wish I knew what's become of her...

Anyway, life was beginning to get better for me under South Pole. With Sunset's advice and encouragement, I was able to please him greatly, and he in turn treated me more like a treasure, like he said he'd wanted to before I tried to run. I almost let myself believe I could be happy with that life; all my needs were being met, and South Pole was, more often than not, willing to see to my needs as well as his own... Then it suddenly all fell apart the day I was suddenly given to them...

Just as I was beginning to feel as though I might fall apart, I was saved by the arrival of, of all ponies, the newest Princess of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle. I still can't believe that she even knows who I am, much less is involved in looking for that Thunderlane pony. Actually, to be honest, I'm amazed that anypony is going this far out of their way to help me...

I suppose I should mention that the Princess had some strange unicorn bodyguard with her when she arrived. I'm... not really sure what to make of her, the mare didn't say a word to anypony the whole time they were there, even when AJ engaged her directly. I suppose that's part of being a Princess, but there's something... off about her.

After AJ left and returned with a "meal" (which was more of a feast), Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy arrived to discuss their search. Fluttershy seemed really riled up when they were talking about Thunderlane; under normal circumstances, it would be exciting... Nopony seems to have seen the stallion since the incident... two nights ago...? I'm having a hard time keeping track of time; the lingering thoughts of my latest ordeal and my going back through my darkest days has made it hard to think about anything else...

Finally my new friends and Princess Twilight left and (something was very thoroughly marked out here) Big Mac finally returned to his room. I want to go with him, I can see he's not himself lately, but somehow I can't bring myself to approach him without AJ with me... AJ and I finally went to bed ourselves and she let me cuddle up to her. I'm so grateful to AJ for staying with me at night; I know she isn't completely comfortable sleeping with me, but she's trying so hard for my sake... and having her holding me makes me feel... almost normal again.

~ Starshadow