Dear Diary,

I’m not even sure where to begin this entry… I’m so far from where I was earlier today…

After leaving Sweet Apple Acres behind me, I heard Big Mac running after me. At the time I was certain he meant to take revenge for Applebloom and Applejack, so panicked as I was. I tried to lose him in town before I eventually found my way back to Vinyl’s house and locked myself inside.

Big Mac stopped outside my door, rather than smashing through it like I kind of expected, and insisted he simply wanted to talk; despite myself, I eventually relented and let him in. Even then, I was expecting the worst, but to my shock (and confusion) I was met with what I now feel was genuine compassion and concern for me. His words and his presence were beginning to calm me down… until the conversation came back to my cutie mark. His words carried that same concern, but when reached down to touch my flank…

Out of instinct, I reared up onto my hind legs and lashed out with both forelegs, striking him across the side of the head and knocking him out cold. I still can’t quite believe that; there’s no way a tiny pegasus mare should be able to overcome such a powerful earth pony stallion… I must have caught him by surprise…

Regardless, I took it upon myself to look after Big Mac, all the while working myself into another hysterical frenzy. There was no way he would forgive me for what I did to his sisters, on top of what I’d just done to him, right?

By the time Big Mac finally came to, I was ready to just run, leave everything here behind me and just disappear somewhere… But that same genuine compassion greeted me… Even after I tried to get him to force himself on me, he simply kept that maddeningly gentle caress. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him flat out what he wanted from me. He said he wanted to help me to overcome the pain in my past. Of course he meant my cutie mark; it’s the most obvious of my scars after all…

I still don’t know why I relented. I’ve never even considered telling anypony about that day before now except Starsong, and that was only because I had no choice at the time… I certainly never wanted to think about that day or that place again. I lashed out violently at anypony that’s ever shown interest in it… But there was something in the back or my mind or my heart or something that compelled me to take a chance on Big Mac. So, for only the second time in my life, I told the story of my accursed cutie mark to another pony…

To his credit, Big Mac listened intently and was just as warm and comforting when I finished. I wasn’t sure what I expected his response to be, but I found myself longing for the comfort and compassion he had shown since we arrived at the house. So when he asked me to follow him, I went along hopefully.

He finally brought me to a small pond somewhere on the outskirts of the orchards (I’m guessing, as it took quite a while to walk there). The tranquil scene, gently lit by the reflection of the moon and dancing fireflies… It was just beautiful. I honestly can’t think of another way to describe it. It… further confused me, and Big Mac’s sudden offer to have me move in with him certainly didn’t help… What it did do, though, was really make me want him in that moment…

It seems I wasn’t quite through being surprised though. Big Mac engaged me and took control, as he had the first two times, but there was no aggression or savagery in his actions. In fact he seemed completely focused on my pleasure alone as he laid me down and moved between my flanks. His tongue was like magic upon my burning heat; I was actually a little taken aback by his skill, as I get the feeling he hasn’t been with that many mares. Before I could dwell on it, though, he brought me to a slow, labored, and surprisingly intense orgasm.

Even before I recovered from the shockingly heavy and drawn out climax, I felt him reposition himself above me and slide into me. Again, there was no savagery in his thrusting, just a gentle caress and steady rhythm. There was no pain to drive my senses wild, no sense of dominance from Big Mac to submit to… Yet it felt good… really good. Slowly and steadily I felt myself reaching the peak again, though not nearly as violently as usual. And yet, somehow, when I finally did cum, it felt better than any time I can recall. I don’t know how to explain it, but there was something more to it…

Afterwards the two of us lay side by side in the grass. The warmth of Big Mac beside me, along with his seed placed ever so lovingly inside of me is more than enough to keep me warm against the chill of night.

I know there are a million questions still swirling around in the back of my head that I should be addressing. Certainly the fact that I’ve known Big Mac for less than a week should be a concern… But right now, none of that matters. I’m happier and more content and, oddly enough, feel safer in this moment, lying out under the stars with this wonderful stallion, than I can ever remember feeling in my whole life. I have Big Mac to thank for this intoxicating feeling; if staying near Big Mac is what it takes to keep this feeling forever, then no matter how crazy or irrational it may end up being, that’s what I intend to do.

~ Starshadow