Celestia sighed, planting her face into the pile of papers in front of her. She had been up for almost three weeks now, a full four days more than usual, but had made up for it with plans to sleep today. Unfortunately, Blueblood ruined that, barging into her quarters and demand she sign papers for the euthanization of some human.

In her wise and motherly way, she told him to 'Piss off' and come get her tomorrow. At which point he began whining and pleading.

Slamming her face into her desk a few more times, she picked up the incident report again.

...overloaded horn... … four broken ribs... bruised snout... concussion...

Why didn't the Doctor add in bruised ego? Celestia thought to herself, snorting at the idea.

According to the report, Blueblood had been 'asked' to inspect the human by a member of the staff, one that had also been suspected of putting urine in Blueblood's wine one morning as well, and then was attacked the moment he stepped into the habitat. However, said staff member had a solid alibi for being at home with his parents at the time. In fact, he had started his vacation at noon the previous day. On top of that, Celestia knew of Blueblood's... hobbies, and knew what was most likely to have really happened.

Unfortunately for the human, the only word to go on was Bluebloods, and the guards that rushed in upon hearing the commotion, and since the human did attack Blueblood, certain laws had to be upheld. If only...

A rushed knocking interrupted her thoughts, followed by someone muttering “stupid stupid stupid” before knocking at a much more normal tempo.

“Enter.” Princess Celestia said, casting a quick spell to straighten her bedraggled, yet still majestically flowing, mane and hide her bags.

“Princess, please forgive me.” Dr. Song said, bowing low, “but.... I just... Well... I know youranallpowerfulgoddess,butIjustcan'tlose the human,pleasedon'tsignhisdeathwarrant!”

Celestia raised her brow at Dr. Song, which prompted an embarrassed smile from the now-timid doctor. Taking a breath, she continued at a slightly slower speed.

“It's just, he's the most amazing human I've ever seen! He's intelligent, to a degree, he shows compassion, he shows restraint, I didn't even know it was possible to train humans so well. I mean, he did what he did to the guards, yet showed no aggression towards me! From a scientific standpoint, every human I've ever seen that was trained to do anything near those feats was always aggressive afterwards. Even his lifethreads* are different. Just barely enough to declare him a subspecies of human! It's simply, well, amazing! He even has part of a sequence only found in known sapient species! It's not complete, but it could show a crucial step for human sapience, if such a thing were possible! Please don't kill him, princess! Please!”

Celestia waited while Dr. Song caught her breath, silently marveling at how much her ponies could say in one small breath. A moment later, Dr. Song was looking hopefully up at Celestia.

Sighing, Celestia bent down to the doctor's tear-streaked face, seeing the worry laced through her features. “You have established quite a bond with him, have you not my little pony?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, princess. He's... well.... He has made me consider getting my own human at home. If only I had the time.” Dr. Song replied unsteadily.

“Hmmm....” Celestia walked over to a window, gazing out across her kingdom. “If I remember correctly, you're on loan from the Ponyville veterinary's humanology department?”

“Yes, your majesty. I specialize in re-habilitating the more aggressive humans.” Dr. Song said. “I came here originally to deal with the large increase in human aggression in Canterlot, but then Ulrich came along, and well...” She trailed off, kneading her forehooves together in worry.

“Well, I am sorry to tell you that I cannot negate Prince Blueblood's claim. Nor can I refute his evidence.” Celestia said, each word bringing Dr. Song closer to crying more, “However, what I can do is choose the punishment.”

Dr. Song raised her head, looking up at Celestia with hopeful eyes.

“You said you are a specialist in rehabilitating aggressive humans?”

“Yes...” Dr. song said, not understanding where Celestia's question came from.

“I happen to know of a certain human that requires aggressiveness training, or else he will be put down. Perhaps you might be interested?” Celestia said with a smirk.

“I don't under-” Dr. Song began, before realization hit her. “Oh my Celestia, YES!” She shouted, hugging the princess in joy. Celestia giggled when Dr. Song realized what she was doing and immediately jumped off the princess, rubbing her hooves into the ground before smiling once again.

“I would suggest moving him soon. You will find a ticket back to Ponyville, as well as payment for your time here, in your quarters. However," Celestia paused, as Dr. Song looked up, "do not mistake this mercy for lenience. This human is dangerous, and any infractions in its behavior shall be treated with due severity."

The dangerous tone and sudden change of demeanor that Celestia expressed gave Dr. Song pause, before she answered the Princess. "I.... understand, and would not expect anything less. Thank you for your mercy, Princess." and with that Dr. Song left the room.

Celestia sighed as she realized she just terrified another of her subjects. Hopefully, good would come out of the whole situation, but in the meantime, she had work to do. She turned to the rather large pile of paperwork stacked on, and around, her desk.

This is going to be a long night she thought to herself.

*Lifethreads is the name the ponies gave to DNA when they discovered it in my headcanon.

I lay in my little alcove, staring up to the ceiling with bloodshot eyes. I had spent a sleepless night wondering about my fate and reflecting upon my life choices. No matter which way I looked at it, there was no way out of my situation. If I kept up with my animal act, I would be killed, though it would, hopefully, be humane. However, if I show my intelligence, I'd be kept in a deep, dark research laboratory, poked by needles and never to see the light of day. Neither choice appealed to me. Both were their own types of death.

I sighed and turned towards the wall, running my hands down my face. A few more minutes and I turned again, trying to hopefully get some form of rest before I die. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to relax.

The door slammed open, startling me off of my alcove and onto the floor. Before I had even a chance to react I was encased in an emerald glow, which I immediately attributed to Dr. Song. I was moved into the hallway, the bright light forcing my eyes closed. I struggled, trying to escape, but I had lost my chance. There was no way out.

A few minutes later my eyes adjusted, and I could see the walls flashing past as Dr. Song transported me wherever we were going. We were in one of the large castle corridors, stained glass windows the size of an elephant set into the walls. I was lost almost immediately, my previous foray into this area not helping at all due to both the speed we moved and the sameness of each hallway.

Suddenly, Dr. Song hung a right into a large stone room filled with carts and chariots of different shapes, sizes and styles. At one end was a massive door, currently open and leading towards a city street.

I was taking in the outside details when I was unceremoniously dropped into a wooden crate. If it wasn't for the pillows in the bottom, I would've been winded. As it was I was stunned, and the lid was placed on before I could react. I sat up, trying to push open the lid, but it was secured tightly. I looked around and found an airhole which I used to peer out. Of course, the moment I got close the crate lurched, slamming my face into the wall. I grunted, my hands going right to my nose as I heard wooden wheels creaking and felt whatever cart I was on start moving.

After a few moments, I tentatively moved to the airhole again, peering out as the cart left the, for lack of a better word, garage. I could see a lot of bright white marble with gold trimmings. I watched as we moved away from the intricate wall, revealing a grand view of the castle I had seen during my initial 'visit.' We turned at the castle gates, traveling down a small incline into what seemed like a city, or, at least, that's what I could tell from the few buildings I could see to my right.

We took a left turn, continuing our downward track, and the castle was once again the focal point of my vision. This time, however, I could see the 'foundations' of it. The castle was practically floating out into empty space, only the front of it clinging to a cliff face. For some reason, I suddenly felt a lot safer on the road than I did in the castle.

The next twenty minutes passed with me taking in every detail of the city I could see. It looked like an elven city, with whimsical building designs that enjoyed white marble and high towers. The inhabitants were, as I expected, ponies, of every shape and size. Many of them wore little petticoats and hats that would have been adorable in any other situation. What did surprise me, however, was the sheer amount of humans. Many of the ponies had humans on leashes, in a highly ironic reversal of roles. Most of the humans were tiny, barely reaching five-foot-six, and many had some form of decorative clothing. A few were au naturel, stumbling about and following their owners much as dogs did back home.

At one point, we passed a marketplace that held a large stage, upon which humans in chains were being sold to the highest bidder. It reminded me of that one scene of Eragon, where slaves were being sold in Dras-Leona. Thankfully, though, the cruelty present in the book was absent here.

Eventually, we stopped, and my crate was lifted into the air. I braced, placing my hands on opposite sides so that any jumbling would not force me to flail around, and waited. Soon enough the crate was set down. I waited for a moment to see if I would be moved again, and I heard the slam of a sliding door. Feeling that I would be safe, I peered out of the peephole. I was met by a profound absence of light. I sighed, curling up in the bottom of my crate.

Not much to do now but wait. I thought to myself.

About a half-hour later, during which I almost died of boredom twice, I heard a sharp, piercing whistle. Shortly thereafter I heard a male voice scream out “All Aboard!”

I'm on a train. I mused to myself in the darkness. A minute later a deep rumble filled the air, the car that I was in shaking as the engines fired up. I felt the brief pull as the train sped up, and soon the sounds of wheels on tracks filled the air.

Where am I off to now? I thought, any excitement that a 'train ride' might have lent me preemptively destroyed by the fear of the unknown... Or some psychological bullshit therein.

Minutes crawled by, fading together in the dark. I had no way to successfully keep time. It felt like weeks had passed, while it was probably just an hour or so. At some point, I fell asleep, the steady sound of the train luring my mind away.

However much time passed after that, the train stopped. It was the silence that woke me. I blearily stretched as much as I could in the small crate, slowly sitting up. Everything was still dark. A few minutes later, just as I was starting to think that maybe this was a refueling stop, a door slid open and a beam of light pierced through the peephole.

I hissed, the light blinding me. I rapidly blinked, slowly dispelling the feeling as I felt my crate lift into the air. A quick check of the peephole told me that Dr. Song was carrying me off the train. A moment or so later, I was placed down again on another pullcart. This time, the peephole was facing forward, and I could see that Dr. Song herself was pulling it. In the background, I could see a buildings that reminded me of a small medieval town, white wood walls with thatched roofs. There were a few different buildings, like the large circular one that rose far above the town in the distance.

I once again was treated to a view of pony culture, seeing the multitude of citizens go about their day. Many of them waved at Dr. Song as she passed. I could also see humans, though there was much fewer here than in the city.

We passed through most of the town, including a market place that was packed with ponies selling everything from roses to carriage parts. It was rather interesting, and, were I in a different situation, I would be asking questions left and right. As it was, I was only passingly curious.

There were a few buildings that deserved more attention than that, however: I saw a large gingerbread house, with what looked like actual frosting on the fake cupcake-shaped upstairs. Apparently it was a baked goods store, wittingly named sugar-cube corner. That almost made me groan, until we passed a round building that looked like a merry-go-round, called Carousel Boutique. That one I actually groaned at.

Then we passed a literal tree house. As in a tree. That's also a house. Or, rather, a library, but still. It was a living tree. With a library in it.

I decided to ignore the near impossibility of that once it left my view. A couple of minutes later, we stopped outside one of the unassuming white-walled houses. Dr. Song unhitched herself, picking up my crate with her magic. She turned and walked around the side of her house, opening a gate in the medium-sized privacy fence that surrounded her backyard. I got a brief look at the yard before the crate was lifted high into the air, before being gently lowered down. The crate was then opened, allowing me to stand up and look around, affording me a much better view of her backyard. It was a rather large yard, well-maintained and with small sitting area and garden to the left side. I was currently inside of a mid-sized area of chain-fenced lawn, complete with a dog-house like structure. I had the sudden feeling this was a kennel.

“Welcome to your new home, boy!” Dr. Song said, a sickly-sweet pitch invading her voice. Then, to my extreme chagrin she pulled out a collar, which levitated towards me.

Uh-uh. No way, no how. That collar will not, and never will clasp around my neck. I thought as I dodged past it. Dr. Song merely smiled, before launching the collar towards me. I deftly caught it, using my right hand to keep the offending object away. Dr. Song's smile turned into a scowl, while I almost grinned.Turning and walking away, Dr. Song let the glow around her horn die down. I leapt in triumph, glad I could keep some dignity in this situation. Then she came back out carrying some bag in her magic.

A minute or so later I was eating a bacon strip and absently scratching at the collar around my neck. It was strange, really. I had no memory of letting the good doctor put the collar on me. Plus it reminded me of a semi-horrifying, semi-arousing stint I had with one of my more... wild girlfriends. Never again.

After I finished the bacon, Dr. Song went back inside, presumably to unpack her belongings and what not. I glanced around, taking in my new surroundings with better detail. I was in a roughly fifteen foot by ten foot area, fenced completely around in chain-link. In one corner stood a 'dog-house' though I guess it would be called a human house in this instance. The fence was probably seven, maybe eight foot tall, so I could probably scale it. Then again, with Dr. Song still up and about, that might not be such a good idea.

I decided to check out the 'human house.' Inside was a small area, about the size of a one-man tent. It had a ton of blankets inside, as well as a couple 'toys' that I would normally associate with a dog.

Hmmm... does that make me a Mog in this place? I thought to myself, quietly laughing, I guess I am my own best friend here.

Then I was hit by a pang of loneliness, though I was able to keep it at bay. I left the 'human house,' wandering aimlessly in my 'kennel' as I thought up a brief but completely foolproof plan. Once it was fully ironed out, I nodded to myself, silently wondering what I could do to pass the rest of my time until I could enact it. I shrugged and started doing push-ups.

And so the next few hours passed as I submitted myself to a small exercise routine, more out of boredom than anything else. At some point, Dr. Song came out with a bowl of water and some more of those kibble things. No apple though.

I stared contemptuously at it, wishing I could have at the least some form of actual food. I sighed, resigning myself to my fate. Besides, it would be good to hold up to my animal routine until she went to sleep. People... er... ponies tend to see what they want to see after all. And so I knelt down, grabbing the kibbles bowl and... ughh... took a bite.

Unlike the ones at the palace, these kibbles were at least semi-palatable. They had the taste of dried apples and ground oatmeal, and were rather dry, but it was better than going hungry. I followed the meal with the water, of which I drank greedily, making Dr. Song chuckle and bring some more water out. Which I also drained.

For about an hour Dr. Song stayed outside, alternately watching me and playing with me. She walked back inside eventually, a small smile on her... is it a muzzle? Sure, why not.

I looked at the position of the sun and saw that it was probably around six. I decided that I might as well take a nap and recuperate what strength I could for my escape plan. I went to the 'human-house' and climbed into the slightly-musty blankets, resisting the urge to pile them on me so that the evening chill would wake me up.

When I awoke, it was dark. I silently thanked whatever divine beings that might be out there, before climbing out of the shelter. I was glad that my natural 'night-vision' allowed me to see most of the yard, the large moon casting a silvery glow upon the landscape.

I approached the fence, hesitantly laying my hands on it. So far, so good. I reached up and started to climb, swinging my leg over when I got to the top. At that point, I realized just how close my balls were to the sharp tops of the wires that made the fence. I shivered slightly, before continuing, the Mission Impossible theme starting to play in my head.

Never thought I'd be actually doing something that deserved that theme,I thought to myself, sneakily moving over the grass towards the privacy fence. This one was small enough that I just had to grab the top and swing myself over.

And then get thrown back by some barrier. I landed with a loud thump, knocking the wind out of myself. I recovered, waiting with bated breath for any sound from the house. Hearing none, I inspected the fence again. I grabbed a stick and tossed it over, watching as it sailed onto the green lawn on the other side. Then I reached over the fence, feeling a resistance about an inch afterwards, though I saw nothing there.

Huh. Talk about invisible fence. I thought to myself. Sighing, I turned towards the house. It seemed to be my only alternative. Hopefully it was just the privacy fence that was like that. The door to the house was unlocked, and rather easy to open. The hinges were well-oiled, a fact I was rather happy to learn. However, the inside was much darker than I had anticipated. I could just vaguely see outlines of objects.

Nevertheless, I snuck through the house, pausing every time I bumped into something. I eventually reached the living room, the window on the door my only guiding light. eagerly, I rushed to the front door, tripping over something in my haste. I was lucky to catch myself before I landed, though I still jarred my wrist when I did so. Thankfully, I was able to hold back my scream of pain, and resorted to clutching my foot.

Turning to see what tripped me, I saw it was a large dufflebag. Carefully opening it revealed my armor and acutrements, though my shield, sword, and boots were absent. I lamented the latter, before pulling out my sweat-and-rust stained tunic and pants, as well as my underwear. My cup and jockstrap I left because I couldn't foresee a need for the uncomfortable piece. I didn't put any of the armor on because, frankly, it was a damn pain to deal with in the best of circumstances, as well as loud. As it was, I could barely see, and would probably wake up everything in a 200 foot radius if I attempted to armor up.

Now that I was clothed, I hastily put my belt on before turning to the door and trying to open it, only to find it locked. And no discernible way to unlock it. Probably locked 'magically.' Fucking magic. I considered jumping out a window, but they were too small to accommodate my large frame unless I jumped through the panes themselves, and that would surely wake up Dr. Song. I sighed, turning and closing the armor bag before going back to the backyard.

If I can't escape, I might as well fuck with your mind I thought to myself, climbing back into my 'kennel' and burrowing into the blankets in the doghouse. For who wouldn't question their sanity if their dog was wearing an outfit they had no memory putting on them, especially with no evidence the dog left their cage?

Author's Notes:

This was mostly just minor changes either for continuity's sake or y own personal disgust at past me's wording or grammar. No need to re-read if you have no wish to.