Author's Notes:

Have two re-writes in one night. Hopefully this will help to make up for my long absence. I'll hopefully be done with the re-write process by the end of this week, and be able to start making entirely new content soon.

And this one is highly recommended that you re-read.

When I woke up, I was met by the stone ceiling of my little alcove bed thing. I sighed, having really hoped that this was all some whacked-out lucid dream. It's just too realistic, I thought to myself, trying to accept the apparent reality around me. Which was rather little if I do say so myself. I could see that the 'sun' had not been turned on yet; the 'moon' still giving the barest of light to the somewhat spacious room.

I started thinking about that strange levitation the unicorns from earlier had expressed. There's no way that could be possible, aside from the useless explanation of 'magic.' Perhaps... No, that defies Newton's laws, and... uggh... This can't be possible. I... I'll just. NGghh...Wait, why the hell am I questioning that of all things, when there are fucking talking ponies around me? I asked myself, If it wasn't for the pain in my stomach, I'd swear this was a coma. I don't know. Fuck it, I'm accepting everything I see now as how the world works to avoid a breakdown. I'll just say I fell into a black hole and entered another dimension. Makes about as much sense as anything else, so there I go. Now shut it, brain.

My internal monologue was interrupted by a pressing need from my bowels. I clenched, wondering why the hell I didn't feel any warning signs. I looked around the dimly lit room, hoping to find somewhere to dump my load. Of course, there wasn't even a depression. Just the square room. Stumbling over to the corner with the camera-crystal, I squatted on the concrete strip, releasing the crap from my system. I looked around, before moving over to the tree and ripping off a few leaves. Back in the corner, I wiped myself, dropping the leaves on top of the pile.

I shrugged, moving back towards my alcove, when suddenly the 'sun' was lit up. I groaned, throwing up a hand in front of my face. Why did they have to make it so bright? I thought, blinking to get used to the light. After a minute or so, I continued to walk to the alcove, this time getting within sitting distance when the cage overhead started to rattle as it was lowered.

I sighed, walking back towards the center of the room to wait for it to finish its descent. A couple seconds later it bumped onto the floor of the room. Inside was another bowl with an apple and some kibbles inside. A low grubling filled the room as I realized that I was incredibly hungry. I had just put a foot into the cage when I realized something. This looks oddly like a trap to get me into the cage again. I thought. Why else would the food be put in the cage as opposed to going through the slot it came from before? Stepping back, I briefly considered what to do before I laid down on my stomach and crawled until I could just reach the food, where I proceeded to save the food from the grasp of the cage.

I then took my prize back to my alcove, as a frustrated sigh echoed down the hole, the cage starting to rise again. I shrugged, happy that I had achieved this small victory. I bit into the apple when I heard a door opening behind me. I turned, only to see a large tan unicorn standing there, seemingly frozen, with a scoop and a bucket held in its... 'grasp.'

I stood there, staring at it while it stared at me. Slowly, I took a bite from the apple, which somehow made the unicorn more nervous and drop the bucket with a clang. Just then, the green unicorn from before, Dr. Song, galloped to the door. "I hope you didn't go into the...." She began as she approached the door, "...habitat." She finished, standing in the doorway.

"Uhhh... I th-thought it w-w-was supposed to b-be in the c-cage..." The tan unicorn said, fear evident in its voice.

"It was." Dr. Song replied. "Just.... Just back away slowly, and I'll close the door. Ok?"

"I d-don't kn-know if I c-can trust myself to m-move right now." he replied. At that moment, I realized I had an opportunity in my hands.

"Look, I'll count to three and then we'll move, alright?"

"Uh-huh."

"One."

The tan unicorn gulped.

"Two..."

"I'm not certain that I'm ready!" The unicorn replied while the pitch of his voice went high.

I saw Dr. Song start forming the word "Three" and I took off like a rocket, juping over the Tan unicorn and Dr. Song, doing a quick roll to negate the force of y landing. I leapt to my feet, turning and sprintign off. I could just barely see that I was in some long hallway, doors just like the one on my cage. I just kept running, my bare feet slapping upon the concrete. I saw some stairs pass me on my left, and I quickly turned around and bolted for them. Not a moment later a bright flash of green light flew past crackling with energy. Taking the stairs four at a time (hey, they were tiny stairs), I hit two landings before reaching another exit, level with the cages.

I also saw a metric fuckton of other horses, each one gaping at me.I stared back, frozen. A shout from below broke the trance, and I turned and ran while the horses scrambled to stop me. I just barreled past them, slamming into a set of wooden doors at the end of the hallway. Barely pausing to register my bruises flaring up, and a new set telling me they were gonna form, I ran down the new hallway I was in, red carpet soothing my feet as I flashed past huge stained glass windows. I could here the veritable stampede behind me, and I poured on as much speed as I could. I flashed past other doors, before finally hanging a right on a branching hallway and running smack-dab into a massive white unicorn with a multi-colored mane that flew in some invisible wind.

I immediately fell upon my ass while the unicorn... no, the pegasus... pegacorn? It had wings and a horn... And for some reason a sun on it's ass... anyway, this massive pegacorn barely even moved, eying me with curiosity and some slight annoyance. I quickly backed up to the wall, still on my ass. This thing just radiates power and authority. Especially if a full body check by me doesn't even sway it. I thought, while it bared down on me.

"Why hello there." She--the voice could only belong to a female-- said in a motherly and disarming tone. "What are you running from, little one?"

Then the stampede of ponies rounded the corner, all of them hastily stopping and falling upon their knees as they saw the white one.

"Princess!" Dr. Song yelled from the head of the pack, sliding on the carpet as she tried to stop. She managed to recover mere feet from the princess, hastily groveling in what I assumed was a bow. "Excuse me, your highness, I am sorry about this, but a human just escaped, and we're trying to hunt it down."

Hold on, did she say Princess? I thought, heart beating rapidly from my little spot on the wall. Shit, I just attacked Royalty I should probably get out of here now while they are distracted. I gathered my wits, standing up and turning to move. Almost immediately I saw this gold aura surrounding me, as a tingling sensation surrounded my body.

"Could this be the human?" The princess asked, horn glowing as she hefted me back.

"Oh, thank you princess. I assure you this won't happen again." Dr. Song said.

"It is no bother, as long as he didn't hurt anypony." The princess replied.

"Oh, no he didn't, your highness." Dr. Song said. She waved a hoof at the ponies behind her, and they all dispersed. "He did give myself and a janitor quite a fright. He's the most interesting human I've had to work with. He seems much more intelligent than his fellows, and he is certainly... different in other ways."

"Indeed." the princess said starting to walk down the hallway Dr. Song following, "In fact, he reminds me of a human I just sent to my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. I take it you are studying him, Dr..."

"Song, your majesty." Dr. Song supplied.

"Song. A lovely name. Anyway, I assume you are studying him and are his handler, am I correct?" the princess asked.

"Yes, in a way, your highness." Dr. Song answered.

"Well, then, I would appreciate it if you could send me a copy of your research. Something about this one intrigues me."

"Of course, your highness."

"Well, here you go." The princess said, sending a beam of golden light towards me, giving me yet another headache. "Oh... That's strange. My stunning spell didn't work. Unless... is he the one the guards brought in yesterday. Is that the one?"

"Well, yes princess. I've not been able to determine much so far, but from what I've heard from the guards the direct spells do not work on him. I was planning on starting testing today with a few simple indirect spells, and maybe even some environmental ones too."

At the word spell, my mind seemed to shut down. I had already thought that 'magic' was the cause of the levitation I had seen in other unicorns, but it was a complete impossibility. Yet it would explain the multi-colored energy bolts I had seen when I first made 'contact' with the ponies. But magic is impossible! My brain continued to fight with itself, even going so far as to create a full-scale civil war until a large, cold something impacted my rear and shocked my senses into working again. I decided then and there to just accept what I had heard in lieu of a full mental breakdown.

I looked up from my position and saw I was back in the cage, and Dr. Song was once again in the little area for working that was in front of each pony's human cage, also holding that recording thing, which she started.

"Continuing earlier log. Due to unforeseen actions, Subject had escaped the habitat and started a chase. He only ran and did not attack as other humans have shown want to do when being chased. An encounter with Princess Celestia stopped the chase and put the subject back into containment. This also allowed a dual field test of the subject's apparent spell affinity, or lack thereof, proving that at least levitation works on him, while even the Princess's powerful stunning spell had no effect. My own personal experience carrying him proved no different than carrying a similarly sized human.

End observational of accidental field test."

Begin observation of indirect spell test, shield spell first. I will be using an apple, wrapped in a small shield as a base test." Her horn glowed brighter, and a small apple flew into the cage, before being covered in a more opaque, perfectly spherical green aura. I gave her an 'Is-this-supposed-to-impress-me?' look.

"Subject shows disinterest with apple. Hmmm... Oh, I know, This time I'll use the new 'human-treats' that Hum-mart is producing. Now I know Rosebud left a bag around here somewhere..."

Ugghhh.... Is that a pun from Pets-mart? I thought, groaning inwardly. I barely even noticed Dr. Song as she turned and rummaged through some cupboards, nor did I notice when she pulled out a large, yellow bag. I did notice, however, when she pulled out a large strip of what looked like perfectly cooked bacon. Actual bacon. I started salivating almost immediately, and my stomach followed up with a grumbling chorus that told of my own hunger. I watched with rapt attention as the bacon was lowered into the cage and wrapped in another, perfectly spherical green ball.

Looking at my feet, there was my prize, the strip of perfectly cooked bacon, looking fresh off the grill, with delicious fat still dripping from it. The only problem was the small green ball it was encased in. It almost looked radioactive.

But bacon! my mind countered. I decided that, fuck it, I'll play her games for the bacon. I reached down, fingers just inches from the bacon, when I touched the ball. It grew slightly brighter, sending a small shock up my arm. I tried again, this time grasping the ball between my hands. Once more shocks traveled up my arms, but it didn't hurt enough to stop me. I knelt down, holding the ball in my hands before trying to crack it like an egg.

Nothing happened. I tried harder, hitting the floor of the cage with enough force to rattle the bars. Still nothing, other than a quick bright flash.

I could hear Dr. song making more observations, but I ignored her, this time trying to twist it apart. But to no avail. I MUST HAVE THIS BACON!

"The shield spell seems to work. I will try indirect elemental magic next." Dr. Song's voice broke in. I ignored her again, this time trying to squeeze the ball to death, only for it to disappear from my hands and drop the delicious bacon into my awaiting palms. Greedily, I shoved it into my mouth, doing my best impersonation of a T-Rex devouring it's prey. It was the best piece of bacon I had ever had. Then my nose twitched.

I could smell another piece of bacon already, though a cursory glance showed me that it was behind a literal, if small, firewall.

Fire. Fire is hot. Fire burns. the sarcastic side of my brain said, overpowering the want for the bacon behind it. I could feel the heat of this fire, and I moved to the back of the cage.

I gave a 'are-you-fucking-serious-bitch?' face to the unicorn controlling the fire, and she flashed the spell out of existence. I rushed forward and grabbed the now-slightly-charred bacon, wincing and rushing back as my feet encountered the hot metal on that side of the cage.

It continued on like this for about an hour, the unicorn putting a piece of irresistible bacon in the cage and surrounding either it or me with some spell. Almost all of them seemed to 'work' except for what she called direct spells. From what I could gather, I was immune or resistant to these 'direct spells' and they were the ones that used me as the 'anchor.' I roughly translated that to Magic the Gathering logic, i.e. I had Shroud- Cannot be the target of spells or abilities. Keyword being 'target.'

Finally, I was let back down into the habitat for the night, a small bowl of kibbles and an apple in the room already. Once more I ate the apple, and hunger drove me to try the 'kibbles' too. I hadn't eaten enough of the bacon to truly fill my stomach, and with all the physical activity I had been doing I needed more food. Surprisingly, they weren't bad, tasting somewhat like chicken, but they were bone-dry.

I took it philosophically, knowing that it would at least keep me alive.

The next two days passed somewhat quickly, the most notable thing being when Dr. Song took my temperature and panicked almost immediately. Apparently, 98.7 is a massive fever and I should have been dead two hours before. It had actually been amusing to see all the ponies that had heard Dr. Song running around in a near-panic, until eventually a light-blue coated one calmed everyone down with the logic that I was most assuredly a different breed and the high temperature did not seem to impede me at all.

The third day, however, I was awoken to find Dr. Song already in the 'shark-cage' and talking about some sort of 'sexual drive' test. I didn't like the sound of that.

After I had eaten breakfast, more kibbles and another apple, I saw one of the two blank walls turn transparent. On the other side was a habitat just like mine, holding a petite woman about my age who was also nude. I noticed she seemed to be curious of the wall itself, and then she saw me. Her eyes widened, before she walked forward and pressed against the wall, seeming to rub up and down it.

Uhhh... I thought, mind growing blank as I felt a bit of something stirring. Then the wall just disappeared. The woman pressed herself against me, actually managing to push me back a little bit, before she walked back over into her habitat and bent over, fully revealing herself to me. Almost immediately, I felt my friend downstairs give her a wave, and my mind just checked out for a second. I had actually stepped forward, before I shook myself and backed quickly away. I'm in a relationship, thank you very much! I thought to myself, suddenly growing melancholy as I thought of my girlfriend, Heather. She was back at college, unable to attend the event that I had went to. I briefly wondered what she was doing right now, until Dr. Song's voice interrupted again.

"...bject shows little interest in mating, despite obvious arousal in both him and the female." Dr. Song's voice cut in. "Perhaps a health defect, or perhaps training had been implemented. End Sexual Drive test."

Dr. Song's cage lifted out of the habitat, leaving me alone with my thoughts, until, an hour or so later, it came back down, carrying Dr. Song again.

"Aggressiveness test versus another male human beginning. Starting with known territorial male."

Wait... What did she just say? I asked myself, watching as the other wall disappeared.

Once more I was treated to a view of another habitat much like mine, although this one seemed abandoned save for the toys littered everywhere. I cast a curious glance at Dr. Song, before entering this new area. I wandered around, ending up near the tree when I almost tripped on something. Picking it up, I saw it was a small blue ball with pink polka dots.

A low growl was the only warning I got before a heavy form slammed into me from above. I hit the ground with a loud thump, winded, the weight still on my back and growling, pulling the ball from my weakened grasp. The human on my back let out a happy little whimper, but still remained upon me. I caught my breath, tensing and then twisting, putting the human onto the ground before pulling him into a quick pin. I felt him growl and start to thrash, but I held firm. After a few minutes, he stopped, whining like a beaten dog.

I held on for another minute, but a green light suffused me, pulling me back into my habitat.

"Subject shows extreme restraint and even temperament, though still holds himself as an alpha. I suspect that he was a wild human since trained, and was the leader of his pack. I will hold off on the third and fourth tests, while the adjacent humans are switched and fed."

Her shark cage retreated into the ceiling, and silence followed.

[/hr]
An hour later the another bowl of kibbles plopped into my cage from the feed slot. I eagerly dug into the piss-poor meal, hunger getting the better of me. Ruefully, I wished for some form of cooked meat, preferably a steak. Or even more bacon. Sadly, my unspoken requests were not fulfilled, and I just sat in my alcove again, contemplating life.

A few minutes later, the wall that led to the toy-room slid down again, accompanied by the lowering shark cage. Inside was a slightly different habitat, with a sandy grain instead of dirt, and a small oasis like thing near the pool and waterfall.I stood up to inspect this new area and noticed that inside was a medium-sized ebony man that looked like one of the tribalists from Africa. I also noticed that the rumors about black men's privates were true, but I filed that away in the 'I-will-forget-this-entirely' folder of my brain.

The man noticed me instantly, immediately puffing out his chest and trying to look intimidating. I took a step back as he walked ever faster towards me, readying a defensive stance and lowering my center of gravity. I kept my arms down but ready.

The man got right into my face, huffing out of his nose much as I would expect a lion to when challenged for leadership. I stared right back into his brown eyes unflinchingly. He would have stood just under my height, but he was walking on the balls of his feet, giving himself an extra four inches, and I was slightly crouched.

After a pregnant pause, he huffed again, pushing his face into mine. I pushed back, straining my neck muscles much as he was his. This lasted for about a minute, both of us evenly matched, until he huffed one last time and, turning, walked back to his habitat.
That was... strange. I thought to myself. I heard Dr. Song making even more observations to her recording device. I ignored her, choosing instead to go lie down in my alcove.

The rest of the week passed in much the same way, with seemingly random tests either involving the cage for 'close observation' or the pit for miscellaneous tests involving humans, toys, spells, and even different 'treats.' However, at the end of the week, the cage rumbled down from above, followed by excited yips.

"Begin final test before intentional pony contact is permitted." Dr. Song said as she descended.

A small clang announced the cage had finished descending, and the door swung open, releasing a small, excited dog. Which instantly ran over to me, barking at me, licking at my shins. I cracked a tiny grin, the excitable puppy warming my heart. I playfully petted it, then started lightly swatting the side of it's head. IT nipped at my fingers, but I got the other side. Soon it was playing along, and I would have been laughing like a maniac had I not been currently imprisoned. At least it helped to distract me.

At one point the dog bit my finger, hard. It hurt like a bitch and I yelped, causing a small gasp from the shark cage while Dr. Song leaned forward.

I ignored her and instead cradled my finger, the dog still trying to play with me. I patted the dog with my uninjured hand, and resumed tending to my finger. At least it didn't draw blood I thought while Dr. Song took the dog back into the cage and brought both hers and the dog's up above again. She said something along the lines of 'Cleared for contact' but I wasn't really paying attention.

I was left alone for the rest of the day, quite literally staring off into space while I fought off the boredom that was invading my mind.

Around the time I started to get hungry, however, the door across from me opened, admit Dr. Song and a bowl of food. The door clicked shut behind her, while she placed the food in the middle of the room and backing away. I looked up at her, before approaching the bowl. Inside was what looked like a steak.

"C'mon, boy. You deserve something special now. It's all yours." Dr. Song said.

Finally, something worth eating! I thought as I began to tear into the delicious meal. After I had polished off most of it, I considered showing my intelligence to the unicorn, but I dismissed the idea because of two reasons. One: She was a scientist, and, judging by what scientists would do to sentient dog or cat back home, I didn't think I'd like her response, and two: I had absolutely no idea how to go about communicating anyway. So I decided to play the animal once more.

The unicorn stayed with me for another hour or so, sometimes just talking out loud to me in the same manner I did to my dog before she passed on. At one point, she left, returning with a small basket of 'toys' including a tug-of-war rope and a ball. I played along with her more out of boredom than desire to do so, and she seemed to relax. During the last fifteen or so minutes, she flopped down to the ground, pulling off the labcoat she was wearing. I saw she had the image of a bipedal figure jumping through hoops on her ass.

It reminded me of a cartoon of a lion tamer.

[/hr]
The next week passed much the same as the first, tests and what not sent my way, measuring everything from intelligence to strength, and during breaks Dr. Song would come in and 'play' with me. I was introduced to new humans of every type, timid, aggressive, huge, tiny. The entire time I played the dumb animal.

On my twelfth night, however, something different happened. I had fallen asleep rather quickly that day, having gone through an endurance test involving treadmills and more bacon, and could not have felt more exhausted afterwards. However, during the night I was awoken by the sound of the door opening. I feigned my sleep, thinking it was probably some new observation or something. I heard hoofsteps come closer, the pony breathing heavily as if they had just run a marathon.

"Oh my, what a specimen." a snobbish, masculine voice breathed out. Yup, some damned scientist observing me. "This will certainly be interesting." A small flash of light and a headache later, I could feel his hooves touching my chest, feeling my muscles. His hooves traveled lower, and it took all my self control not to sit up and scare the shit outta him. After all, he was just a scientist, right?

"Oh, and he's certainly gifted... I will really enjoy this" I heard him say, his hoof touching my genitals. At that moment I lost every shred of self control. My left arm snapped up, my palm smacking directly into his muzzle as I twisted and shot to my feet. During that time, the stallion fell backwards and emitted a shriek that would not have gone misplaced on a small child.

"Why you damn animal." He spat out, blood pouring from his nose. He had a white coat with a blonde mane, and an ass tat of what looked like a compass rose. I could just faintly see something that looked suspiciously like a 'fun-stick' dangling between his back legs. He stood up furiously, his horn starting to glow.

I ended that by rushing forward and grabbing his horn, before shoving his face into the dirt. He followed up with a swift uppercut to my chest with his forelegs, leaving what would definitely become a bruise. I still held on, however, and elbowed his back, hard. He screamed again, and I started to hear a commotion above me. I kicked the stallion away, hearing something crack as I did.

The unicorn spat out blood, turning and charging at me. I neatly sidestepped, sending him crashing into the wall. I kept my defensive stance, ready and waiting for what was to come. I didn't expect a rock to come flying out of now where and embed itself into my hand, though. I yelled out, the wound being particularly painful.

Distracted by my pain, the unicorn charged back towards me. This time I kneed him in the face before jumping on top of him and grinding him into the dirt. Then the door burst open and a half dozen of those guards rushed in, literally beating me off of the unicorn.

"Prince Blueblood!" One of the guards said, "Are you alright, sir?"

Oh fuck. I just assaulted royalty. Again. I thought, backing way into a corner as the guards kept their spears trained on me.

"Of course I'm not you imbecile!" Blueblood berated, "Now take me from here at once. Once I've recovered I will personally see to it that this human is euthanized."

Oh double fuck me with a sideways cactus. I thought upon hearing that.

"Yes, Prince Blueblood."

The group quickly left, leaving me to sit in the dark, terrified of tomorrow.