The newcomer paused as he witnessed Dan’s angry shout at the ceiling. Taking a moment to process the rather unfamiliar scene, the man turned his head askew along with his mouth slightly. “I take it you’ve dealt with the Deadites before, then?”

Dan slowly lowered his arms and his eyebrows. “No. I’m just really mad right now.”

Chris smiled slightly. “Wow, Dan. I didn’t know you cared about Elise that much.”

“I don’t,” stressed Dan as he wheeled around to face Chris. “I can just do with today being a lot less of… whatever the heck is going on today!”

Elle let out a sad whimper, causing Pinkie to look over at her and fidget nervously in place.

“Well, you better cowboy up,” the chainsaw-handed man said. “It’s going to take more than just ‘being mad’ to deal with a Deadite infestation.”

“Don’t tell me to cowboy up!” frothed Dan as he stormed up to the man, pointing at himself with a thumb. He repositioned a gun barrel-like index finger at the newcomer. “And don’t tell me what being mad can accomplish! I’m the expert at what being mad can do!”

Pinkie nodded in agreement. “He really is.”

“Personal space there, bucko!” Ash said as he placed his hand on Dan’s chest and pushed him back slightly.

Dan’s face contorted in anger and disbelief.

“Careful,” Chris said, “he bites.”

Pinkie winced. “And hard…”

Dan clenched his fists down at his sides as both began to glow red. “Oh, I can do a lot more than bite…”

With a pensive look tap-dancing across her face, Elle quickly rushed over and inserted herself in between Dan and the other man. “I think we got off on the wrong foot here.” She raised her right hand up to her chest as Ash took a few steps back. Dan merely grumbled and walked back over towards Pinkie. “I’m Agent Last Laugh, we spoke on the phone, but you can call me Ellie or Elle for short!”

The man smirked and raised his chainsaw hand.

“Oops! Hehe! Got off on the wrong hand, too.” Elle said as she swapped hands.

Ash grasped Elle’s hand and shook it. “Ash Williams, dread of the Deadites, demon slayer,” Ash smirked, “but you can call me the man of your dreams.”

At once there was a bright red light coming off Dan as the entire house shook.

Ash paused and began to turn, but Elle let go of his hand and immediately placed herself in between Dan and Ash as Chris stared at Dan with a look that was 25% confusion and 75% concern. “Earthquake country, am I right!?” Elle said with a smile deeply stepped in nervousness.

Chris walked up and extended his left hand. “Chris Pearson. My wife has apparently been possessed by a Kandarian demon.”

Ash took Chris’s hand with a frown. “That’s rough, buddy. My condolences.”

Chris slowly retracted his hand and turned towards Elle. “This does not fill me with confidence.”

“Probably because he’s a hack,” shot Dan.

Ash turned to glare at Dan. “Listen, pal—”

“I’m not your pal, buddy,” snarled Dan.

“Well I’m not your buddy, friend,” Ash countered.

“I’m not your friend, pal!”

“I’m not your pal, buddy!“

“I’M NOT YOUR BUDDY, FRIE—“”

“COULD WE ALL FOCUS, PLEASE!” Chris shouted. “Elise. Is. In. Trouble!”

“Alright, friend,” Ash answered. “We’ll get right—”

“He’s not your friend, pal!” Dan snapped.

Ash grit his teeth. “I’m not your pal, buddy!”

“I’m not your—”

“DAN!” Chris shouted. “Dan. I’m asking you, as your friend—”

“I’m not your friend, pal!”

Chris folded his arms across his chest and gave Dan an impatient look.

“Pssst! He is your friend,” Elle and Pinkie said simultaneously. They both turned towards each other and simply stared for a moment. Slowly, mirror smiles began to slowly lift on their faces like helium balloons released into the air. “Jinx!” they shouted. “Jinx again! JINX AGAIN!” Laughing, the two walked up to each other and began swatting at the other’s shoulder while they repeatedly cried “Jinx!” in between mirthful outburst.

Dan stared at the two women playfully batting at each other with a scowl. The more he watched, the more his lips began to quiver, and ever so slowly, a smile began to rebel on his lips.

Chris closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose and walked over to Ash who was watching the two girls with bemused interest. “Can I borrow your gun?” Chris asked.

Ash turned toward Chris with a surprised look. “Uh… planning to shoot someone? Because this Dan guy…”

“I’m not going to shoot anyone… Yet,” Chris said as he held out his hand.

With an unsure look, Ash unslung his shotgun with his left hand and handed it to Chris. “Okay, just don’t do anything you’ll regre—”

Chris pointed the gun straight up at the ceiling.

“Oh Hell…” Ash uttered as he covered his ears.

‘BANG!’

Dan, Pinkie, and Elle all jumped slightly and turned towards Chris as a fine white powder of drywall fell upon him. “HEY! ELISE! DANGER! RING ANY BELLS?!”

“Alright, already!” Dan shouted back. “You don’t have to yell!”

“WHAT?!” Chris replied.

“I SAID ‘YOU DON’T HAVE TO—”

“What in the hell is going on in here?!” The heavy thumps of brown cowboy boots carried in a woman with emerald eyes, a tan cowboy hat, and a cascade of blond hair that ended in a red hairband down below her waist. A red bandana hung over the woman’s chest, covering her cleavage which her orange, sleeveless shirt that was knotted just above her midriff would leave exposed. Where her shirt ended, a set of abs that would make a washboard crazy with jealousy began, and below those were a pair of jean shorts that almost looked to be painted onto her muscular thighs. A brown leather belt with a red apple crest for a buckle and a pair of fingerless brown gloves completed the ensemble. “The house was shakin’, Ah heard a gunshot…” The woman’s eyes immediately sought out Ash. “Don’t tell me those Deadites fellas are already ‘causing a ruckus in here.”

Ash motioned towards Chris. “Trigger happy here just really wanted to get everyone’s attent—”

Ash was caught off by a piercing squeal of pure girlish delight. “Applejack!” Pinkie shrilled as she bounded forward and wrapped her arms around the blonde-haired girl.

“Ooff… Uh… Hi, Pinkie…” Applejack greeted simply. “Didn’t expect to see you here wrapped up in all this Deadite hullabaloo, but now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense.”

Dan squinted at Applejack and uttered a quiet “Huh…” of recognition.

“I take it you know each other?” Ash said with a smirk.

“Yeah,” Applejack said.

“No!” Pinkie said enthusiastically as she broke the hug.

Applejack looked at Pinkie in confusion. “No?”

Pinkie shook her head. “No! I’m not the Pinkie you know. I’m actually a different Pinkie from a different dimension!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’ll go over well…”

Ash shot Pinkie a scrutinizing look for a moment. “You’ve got to be kidding us.”

Dan glanced at Elle and pointed towards Ash. “See?”

Elle giggled slightly.

Applejack simply paused for a moment and mulled over Pinkie’s bizarre statement. “… Yeah, alright…” she said simply.

Dan’s left eyebrow lifted slightly. “That, I did not see coming…”

Ash sauntered up to Applejack. “You really believe this psycho here when she says she’s from another dimension?”

Applejack raised her right eyebrow. “My life has been pretty weird as of late. Plus, Ah believe all the crazy stuff you told me, so why not?”

Ash opened his mouth to reply, paused, then replied with, “Touché.”

Chris let out a sigh so heavy and threatened to crush the house everyone was in.

“Yes, Chris,” Dan intoned, “your problem is still on our ‘to-do’ list, alright!?”

Chris walked up to Ash and handed him back his shotgun, butt first. “YOU BETTER TAKE THIS. I MIGHT JUST USE IT ON MYSELF AT THIS POINT!”

Ash and Applejack winced slightly as Chris shouted in their face.

“Sure, pal,” Ash said as he took the gun and returned it to his holster.

“RIGHT!” Chris shouted. “SO WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP ELISE BESIDES AN EARLY DEATH?!”

Ash frowned and took a couple steps back. “Well… Don’t get your hopes up buckaroo, but there might be a way to turn her back.”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!”

Applejack to a step forward. “He said ‘there might be a way to turn her back!”

“OH, THAT’S GREAT TO HEAR!” Chris said with a smile.

Applejack let out a grunt as she took a step back from Chris. “At least he can hear something…”

Ash’s brow folded inward slightly. “Uh, you might want to get your ears checked. I think that shotgun blast right next to your head didn’t do you any favors.”

“WHAT?!” Chris shouted back. “I CAN’T HEAR THAT WELL SINCE I FIRED THAT SHOTGUN! I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO GET MY EARS CHECKED!”

“Heh…” Elle tapped near her eye. “Again, even I saw that one coming.”

Dan smirked.

Applejack let out a yawn and stretched. “So this Elise girl got herself a demon using her body? I suppose that’s worth getting outta bed for.”

Dan glanced at the clock. It was well past 1 pm. “Finally. Someone with a sensible understanding of sleeping schedules.”

Applejack tossed a small grin at Dan. “Ash came here in such a hurry that Ah didn’t have time to shower or anything,” Applejack complained.

Dan sniffed the air. “Ugh… You really should have taken that shower. You smell like sex and shame.”

Applejack turned to look at Ash.

“Hey!” Ash protested. “You can’t just talk to my girlfriend like—”

“Yep.” Applejack replied to Dan with a nod. “Sounds about right.”

A surprised smirk landed on Dan’s face as Ash turned wheeled on Applejack. “What?! Baby?!”

Applejack shrugged. “What can I say, yer kinda a moped.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, you know,” Applejack continued, “‘Fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends catching you on it?”

Ash stood there in shocked silence for a moment.

Dan’s smile had begun to slowly spread across his face. “You know… Things are looking up.”

Ash shot a quick glare at Dan for a moment then turned back to Applejack. “I’ve never heard any of the other girls I’ve been with complain.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Probably because I’m the first you’ve been with who didn’t have crippling self-esteem issues.”

Ash rose an index finger and opened his mouth as if to reply, but it simply hung open wordlessly like an open wound.

Elle whistled to herself. “Geez… Hashtag destroyed…”

Dan let out an uproarious belly laugh. “Whoa there, Apple-horse. Leave something for the Deadites to munch on.”

Applejack turned and raised an eyebrow at Dan.

Ash finally found a target of his ire that wouldn’t grind his ego into an unrecognizable lump of humiliation. “Did you just call my girlfriend a horse?!”

Pinkie quickly inserted herself in between Ash and Dan as Ash rushed forward with a violent pace. “It’s okay!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Back in my dimension there’s an Applejack and she’s a pony! Just like I used to be!”

Ash once again opened his mouth to reply with an angry comment, but whatever it might have been clearly got lost on the way to his mouth as he attempted to process what Pinkie had just told him. “You… You used to be a… pony…”

“Uh-huh!” Pinkie confirmed cheerfully.

Ash’s forehead tightened. “Okay, I’ve seen some pretty weird stuff in my day, but your horse story smells more like horse shit to me.”

Pinkie put on a pout. “But it’s the truth!” Pinkie turned towards Chris for support.

Chris wiggled a finger around the outside of his ear then nodded. “Yeah. The magical land of Equestria is real alright!”

Ash turned towards Chris. “You sure you just weren’t hitting the ketamine a little too hard there, bucko?”

Dan, Pinkie, and Chris all cringed.

“I was the one on the ketamine,” Pinkie said. “Also a pony at the time… It got… weird…”

“It was pretty bonkers to begin with,” Dan chimed in.

“… Well, alright then…” Ash replied as he turned away, pointed a finger at his head, and twirled it around to signify he was certain everyone there had a few screws loose.

“Ah, lay off Ashley,” Applejack said.

Ash turned and frowned at Applejack.

Dan smiled widely as if someone had just handed him the keys to the kingdom of ‘getting under Ashley’s skin’.

Applejack continued, “I dunno if the ‘alternative pony reality’ thing is real or not, or if it’s just crazy game Pinkie cooked up, but it’s not worth getting all worked up about.”

Pinkie looked at Applejack expectantly.

Dan spoke up, “You are in possession of a surprisingly large amount of chill, human-apple-horse… I kinda like it.”

“Thanks… Ah, think…” Applejack replied.

Pinkie frowned heavily. “You’re not going to say a countryism?!”

“… A ‘what’ now?” Applejack replied.

“You know… like…” Pinkie threw a southern accent on. “It’s not worth gettin’ all worked up like a rooster who caught his tail in a barn door!”

Applejack’s forehead muscles pulled inward and her lips pursed out in confusion. “… No,” she replied, “In fact, Ah don’t know why anyone would say something like that ever.”

Pinkie let out a whimper.

“Uh…” Chris butted in as he slapped his other ear lightly a few times. “I can’t help but feel we’re overlooking the real issue here.”

“You're right, Chris!” Pinkie said in a determined tone. She turned towards Applejack. “So… You’re really having S.E.X. with A.S.H. over there?!” she asked, pointing at Ash.

Ash narrowed his eyes. “Shocking, it would seem.”

Applejack smirked. “Oh, quit whining, ya big baby, I slept with ya so you must be doing something right.”

Dan turned and grinned at Elle. “Are you sure you didn’t mean to call her, instead?” he said pointing an index finger at Applejack.

Elle grinned back. “I know right? Really wish my work had her number on file.”

Applejack turned back towards Pinkie. “Anyhow, Ah think that was established just a couple minutes ago.”

Pinkie pursed her lips in concern. “And he’s your boyfriend.”

“Uh, yeah…” Applejack said. “As hard as it is to believe, I am willing to fess up to that particular embarrassment.”

“Jesus, baby…” Ash muttered. “Why don’t you just shoot my balls off and get it over with.”

Applejack turned and grinned. “Reckon you’ll need those later.”

Ash smirked, his spirits, amongst other things, lifting a bit.

“But… but…” Pinkie stared at Applejack in near disbelief. “I always thought you were saving yourself for marriage!”

There was a short, quiet pause, followed by the room filling with laughter as both Ash and Applejack erupted in mirth.

“Ahahahahaha!” Applejack shook her head and put her hands on Pinkie’s shoulders. “Alright, that tears it. I reckon you must be a different Pinkie to even entertain that being the case.”

Pinkie took a deep breath and let it out. “Today has been nothing but a roller-coaster of emotion for me.”

Elle let out another sad whimper.

Dan raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. “What’s the big deal? Not sure if you noticed, but you and I have sex kinda a lot, and neither of us has engagement rings or anything.”

Elle went stiff as if Dan had just walked over her grave, rose in mouth and finger beckoning.

“Yes, but…” Pinkie motioned towards Applejack with both hands. “… But, Applejack!” she exclaimed in a distressed tone.

Dan shrugged and held a palm upwards. “So the human counterpart to apple-horse doesn’t follow any of that campy, folksy country nonsense. I mean… let’s face it. Sex is pretty awesome.”

“Well… yeah…” admitted Pinkie.

Elle began to shake with an expression that all but screamed, ‘This isn’t happening!’ Pinkie had now joined Dan on top of her grave and the two were engaged in a pretty hot and heavy flamenco dance. “Let’s talk about literally anything else, please!”

Chris tapped his foot impatiently. “Yeah, like… The fact that Elise is currently possessed by a demon?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Not everything has to be about you and Elise, Chris!”

Ash spoke up. “Well, if you're all done having your weird freak outs and crazy horse talk, maybe we can get this Deadite extermination party on the road.”

Dan smirked. “Don’t forget all the emasculating you that took place.”

Ash shot a glare over Pinkie’s bare shoulder. “Look buddy, you’re just lucky your girlfriend is here, otherwise I’d kick your ass all the way back to your midget support group.”

Dan let out a bored yawn. “Pinkie, trounce him if you would.”

“Dan! I can’t just beat people up because they annoy you!”

“Oh, come on!” Dan exclaimed as he held his hands in front of him, palms facing up.

Ash looked over Pinkie with an amused expression. “You’re joking, right? Hate to break it to you lady, but you look like you have trouble with the odd spider running around the house, let alone—Oooff!” Ash was cut off by a pinkish-colored knee inserted into his stomach. This was followed by a kick to the shin that brought him to his knees and right jab that left him cross-eyed before he collapsed face-down on the ground.

Applejack smirked. “Yeah… He earned that one, alright.”

Pinkie let out a heavy sigh. “I was not in the mood to listen to that…”

Dan glared at Pinkie. “Oh, so it’s fine for you to beat up people if they annoy you but not if they annoy me?!”

Pinkie turned towards Dan, her lips twisted in contemplation. “Okay, I see your point,” she replied. “I’ll take your requests to beat up people who annoy you on a case-by-case basis instead of just dismissing them out of hand, alright?”

Dan nodded. “That’s all I ask.”

Chris rubbed his eyelids with a thumb and forefinger. “Was that really necessary?”

Dan nodded and motioned to Ash with one hand. “Turned out I wasn’t done seeing him emasculated.”

Chris removed his hand and scowled at Dan. “Could we not beat up the expert we brought on before he has a chance to help us save Elise?”

Dan and Pinkie exchanged a glance then turned back towards Chris. “No promises,” they said in unison.

Chris threw up his hands in defeat.

Applejack helped a woozy Ash back up to his feet, her arms wrapped around his arm with the chainsaw-hand.

“Wha… What happened?” Ash half-mumbled.

Applejack smiled at Ash. “Ah think Ah’m gonna go with, ‘Ya fell down some stairs.’”

Ash looked around. “In the middle of a single-story home…?”

Applejack nodded. “Yer gonna feel a heaping ton better if ya remember it that way.”

Ash cringed as he felt some of his bones creak as he stood up. “Fair enough. Well, if you’re all ready to throw down with some deadite sons of bitches, guess we should saddle up and sally forth.”

“… Who’s Sally?” Pinkie asked in confusion.

“It’s an expression, Goofball,” Dan said with an eye roll.

“Finally!” Chris exclaimed as he walked towards the front door.

“Of course, there’s just one little detail…” Ash turned towards Elle and held out his hand. “My payment.”

Chris stopped mid-stride and smacked a hand against his face.

“Oh, sure!” Elle said. She placed her right hand over Ash’s and with a red glow, two huge rolls of dollars fell into Ash’s hand.

Ash stared Elle’s hand as the glow dimmed and the hand returned to normal. “Huh… Handy…”

Applejack chuckled. “Ah’m not touching that one…”

Dan glared at the money. “Now wait just a minute! How much are you paying this buffoon for his services?!”

Ash glared at Dan and pointed at himself with his thumb. “This ‘buffoon’ isn’t cheap. Especially not when it comes to facing down the forces of evil with a boomstick and a chainsaw. We’re talking expenses, hazard pay,” Ash frowned, “not to mention a new set of blood-free clothes afterwards.”

Elle turned towards Dan. “He asked for 100,000 dollars over the phone.” She shrugged. “That seemed fair.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “You got me out of bed for a lousy 100k? And you said you weren’t ‘cheap’.”

Ash’s eyebrows knit together in a glare and he raised his hand in chainsaw up in an inviting shrug. “Does anyone else have any comments they’d like to fire off at me before we get to the serious business?”

“…”

“…Goo—”

Dan interrupted, “Cheap like that aftershave he slathered all over himself.”

Ash’s left eye twitched in irritation.

Chris’s joined in.

“Hyuk. Hashtag savage,” Applejack commented.

Dan turned to glare at Elle. “Also, you don’t pay him the full amount upfront! You’re supposed to give him half and then the other half when he’s actually done the job!”

“Oooooh!” Elle replied.

Ash clasped his hand around the cash and pulled his hand close to his chest. “No take backs!”

Applejack snatched the cash out of Ash’s hands.

“Hey!” Ash protested. “You don’t even need that money.”

“I sure don’t,” Applejack said. She flipped through one roll and took out about half then passed the half roll and the other whole roll back to Elle.

“Gee, thanks!” Elle said as her hand glowed red and the cash disappeared.

“What?! Baby?!” Ash protested. “Whose side are you on anyways?!”

Applejack passed Ash the remaining cash. “The one that’s keeping you moderately honest. Now come on cowboy!” Applejack said as she turned, giving Ash’s posterior a solid slap. “Time to put that money where your mouth is!” With that, Applejack turned towards the front door, opened it, and walked out.

Ash smirked. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Finally!” Chris exclaimed as the group filed outside.

“Let’s just get one thing straightened out,” Ash said turning towards Dan as the two stepped onto the pathway leading towards the road. “You want to live, you do what I say, comprende?”

Dan scowled at Ash. “Listen, Ashley— totally a girl’s name by the way—”

Ash’s face tightened.

“— You may think a gun and a nifty appendage replacement qualifies you to be lead this expedition into demon possession ground zero, but the only reason I haven’t chucked you all the way to Bakersfield is because Human-Apple-Horse looks like she could bench press a school bus,” Dan said as he pointed at Applejack.

Applejack chuckled.

“Oh, really?” Ash replied as he folded arm his arms across his chest. “And why, pray tell, do you think you have even an iota of a clue in that tiny brain of yours as to what to do in this situation?”

Dan began to make a list on his fingers. “I’ve dealt with a werewolf, undead skeletons, a dinosaur, a mummy, a demon, a minotaur, a giant broccoli monster, a superhero, a wendigo, vampires—” having run out of fingers to count on, Dan threw his hands up in the air “—the superhero again, extra-dimensional beings, a different werewolf…” Dan turned towards Chris and Pinkie. “Did I forget anything?”

“Androids,” Chris said.

“A super-powered robot that absorbs powers!” Elle chimed in enthusiastically.

Dan, Pinkie, and Chris all turned towards Elle, eyebrows raised.

“Erm… but you don’t remember that one…”

Dan grit his teeth hard and glared at Elle with a look that telegraphed that he intended to commit violence upon her personage.

Pinkie’s eyes flew open wide. “A crazy horde of horse mees in heat!”

Dan and Elle both cringed.

“I’M TRYING TO BLOCK THAT ONE OUT!” Dan shouted at Pinkie. He turned towards Ash. “Anyways, us going out to deal with my dumb buddy’s horrible possessed wife is just another Thursday for us!”

Ash gave Dan an indignant look. “Yeah, but still!”

“HAH!” Dan exclaimed with a smug smile. “You got nothing!”

“Alright, alright,” Applejack interrupted. “You two can compare dick sizes later. We’ve got a job to do.”

Dan and Ash both grumbled to themselves as they parted, Dan heading towards his red hatchback as Pinkie and Chris followed.

“Y’all are piling into that?!” Applejack exclaimed as she pointed at Dan’s hatchback. She shook her head. “Figured someone jus’ left that car here to die a slow, rusty death.”

Dan glared at Applejack as he paused at the driver side door. “Hey! Lay off! The Dan mobile has a lot of character, alright?!”

“Heh… Ah reckon that’s a fact…” she said as she and Ash made their way to a spotless orange BMW, Ash removing his chainsaw from his wrist.

Dan, Pinkie, and Chris all piled in Dan’s car.

Elle stood on the sidewalk between the two cars, pensively staring at the red hatchback as she fidgeted in place.

Dan scowled and leaned over Pinkie. Angrily, he rolled down the passenger side window. “ARE YOU COMING, OR NOT?!” he roared at Elle.

Elle cringed. “Coming!” she said as she practically bounded over to the red hatchback, a small smile on her face. Soon car doors were shut, seatbelts were buckled, and the cars pulled out into the road.

Dan adjusted his rear-view mirror to glare directly at Elle. “Why the heck did you call that irate loud-mouth?”

Chris smirked. “The view must be great from that glass house of yours.”

Elle couldn’t help but giggle as Dan scowled.

“Pinkie, punch Chris for me.”

“… I would, but Chris beat me to that exact punchline…”

Dan’s head quivered in anger. “Oh, I’ve got a punchline for you…” He quickly pulled over and undid his seatbelt, punched Pinkie in the arm, and leaned back to punch Chris in the arm.

“Owie!”

“Ow!”

Justice served, Dan put back on his seatbelt and pulled back onto the road. He resumed glaring into the mirror. “Well, young lady!? I’m waiting! I’m guessing you know that Pinkie and I could handle this. Even with Chris being the third wheel made from lead in our little group.”

“Hey!” Chris protested. “I’ve dealt with pretty much all the same things you have. I was there for almost all of them.”

Dan rolled his eyes and repositioned his rearview mirror to face Chris. “Doesn’t mean you were useful for most of them… any of them.”

Chris frowned heavily. “I seem to recall helping quite a bit during the Wendigo incident.”

“That was in Canada!” Dan exclaimed. “So, unless Elise’s work for the US government takes her across our northern border into glacier land, excuse me if I don’t hold my breath.” Dan thought for a moment. “Kind of a shame though. It’d be great to watch you maul Elise.”

“Dan!” Chris cried. “I’m not going to maul Elise!”

“Well, not with that attitude, you’re not!” Dan replied. “Still though… I suppose you can still take out years of marital strife out on her if you borrow that shotgun again.”

Pinkie frowned heavily and punched Dan in the arm.

“Ow!” Dan exclaimed as he rubbed his arm. “What? I’m just telling the truth!” Dan motioned back towards Elle. “Do you want me to set a bad example here?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “A little late for that.”

Dan scowled at Pinkie, exhaled heavily through his nose and repositioned his rearview mirror to look behind him at the road.

Momentarily forgotten, Elle sighed to herself, her hopes of an emotional happy family reunion practically already dead on arrival.