Chapter 5

Sometimes, being a fucking kid sucks. This is not cool. I’m a MAN. I’m a DRAGON. I’m a Celestia-damned PENIS NINJA.

Time out is such bullshit. “I still don’t understand why I have to sit in the corner!” I called out from the back room. Being shut away from glorious pony ass was bad enough, but putting my nose in a corner? Fuck.

“Once you’ve learned some proper manners, Spikey, you can come back out. In the meantime, I’m going to get Vinyl’s outfit ready. Now just be patient, I’m almost done with this last bit of leather...” she trailed off, and I could hear her grunting in concentration.

Wait, leather? Come on!

Well, with nothing else to do, I mused on what exactly I would do if Princess Luna approached me about the dream I had. I assumed that’s why she wanted clothes, especially so much of it. So I figured maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Like, no national mandate on having to wear clothes at all times.

Which, given some of the outfits I’d seen some ponies wear, wouldn’t be a horrible thing. But still, I had priorities now. Gotta protect the freedom of flank.

‘Ok, think. If she’s coming here for a wardrobe change, then you’re bound to run into her. She’s probably going to show up at night. But wait, why did she send that letter during the day? Well, I got it via FPS, so most likely Princess Celestia sent it. Which means Luna probably had her send it later on. That makes sense. But if she’s here, that means she might talk to the guys, too. I gotta talk to them first, that’s for sure. Ok, that’s gotta be my first stop once I get out of here.’

“Spiiike~” Rarity called. I jumped up and ran out of the room, out into the foyer. And screeched to a halt. Vinyl was done with her outfit.

So, here’s the thing about Rarity: she can make dresses and all that fancy stuff in pretty much a day, but if your outfit is something deceptively simple, like say, spats and a halter with specialized hair ties? I have no idea how she does it, but it takes, like, an hour. Which tells me two things; One, she has a lot of practice making fetish gear. Two, this is AMAZING.

Vinyl’s outfit, like I mentioned, was a set of rather flattering black spats with some very distracting patterns sown into the flanks, and a leather halter (which I never understood why ponies wore anything over their chest aside from armor) with some glowsticks or something similar sewn into the edges. Looking closer, I saw similar lighting effects sown into her shorts. She looked kind of like a neon sign with great curves. Wait a minute...

“Vinyl, you aren’t doing a set with Neon Lights this weekend, are you?” I asked in what I assumed was my best innocent voice.

She stopped looking herself over in the mirror long enough to give me a response. “Huh? Oh, yeah. That obvious, huh?” I swear, I saw her blush. “I was hoping maybe it would get his attention.”

Rarity gave her a reassuring smile. “Of course it will. He’ll love it, my dear. Right, Spikey-Wikey?”

Remember when I told you a while back I never learned my lesson? Yeah. “Vinyl, any stallion that doesn’t pay attention to you in that outfit is a freakin’ retard.”

“SPIKE!” Rarity yelled, again. Way to lose points, bro.

But Vinyl just laughed. “Aww, yeah! That’s what I wanna hear! Thanks, Rarity!” She fished about her person for a bag of bits, which I swear she wasn’t carrying with her when she came in, and dropped a bunch onto a nearby counter. She and Rarity haggled price for a bit, then, once both were satisfied, Vinyl walked out.

Rarity stopped with the customer service face and gave me a disapproving look. “Spike, what is the matter with you today? Such foul language.”

“Sorry, Rarity. Twilight woke me up super early with some bul- some business involving a letter from the Princess. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and I started my day having a fight. So, not in the best mood right now,” that last bit was a bit of bullshit, but it worked. She looked a little less upset and more concerned.

“Well, I can understand not being in a good mood, certainly. But you must learn not to take it out on others. Now, as much as I love having my widdle assistant Spikey-Wikey~” she cooed, nuzzling my neck. I could feel a blush and a boner at the same time. A bosh? Nah. Bloner. I had a bloner. “As much as I like having you around, Spike, I have a massive order to start working on, and I need to start writing the Princess immediately.” I opened my mouth to offer some help, but she shushed me. “And before you ask, I need to write all this out in private. There may be some... details that she may need to share that I can’t let other ponies -or dragons- be privy to. Now away with you. And thanks for your help.” She added nicely, shooing me out of her shop.

I stood outside the boutique for a moment longer after the door closed behind me, thinking about what to do next. I should probably head to the orchard and see if Caramel or Big Mac were around. They needed to be forewarned.

I wasn’t even out of town before I found them, though. They were heading back to the orchard with a large empty cart. Apparently they’d been selling all day. “Hey, Big Mac! Caramel!” I called out. They stopped, and turned around to see me walking towards them. Uneasy looks crossed their faces as I got closer. “Look, dudes. We need to talk. Big news.”

Caramel turned and smiled politely. “Hey, um, Spike. What’s up?”

I looked from his polite, uneasy smile to Big Mac, who was just giving me a stoic expression. “Ok, what?”

Caramel smile wider, obviously uneasy. “What do you mean, ‘what’?”

“I mean, what? What happened? Something happened, right? Out with it,” something was obviously off.

Caramel kept giving me that stupid smile, but Big Mac just sighed. “Listen, little guy. We’ve been... talking. As fine as it is that you’re... growing up, we’ve been thinking you might need to find something better to do with your time than just hang around and talk about flanks all day.”

My mouth hung open in surprise. Not because of what he said, but because it was the most I can remember him saying. Ever. At least, to me. Then I got over it. “Wait, that’s it? Ok.”

Caramel and Big Mac looked at each other, a little surprised. Caramel was the first to recover. “Wait, so you’re ok with this? I mean, we don’t mind having you around and all, but lately all you’ve done is talk about-”

“No, it’s cool, I get it. Topic’s worn out. Move on, all that jazz. I mean, I’m not giving up on enjoying the whole thing, but if you wanna talk about something else, I’m good. Maybe we could talk about how Princess Luna is coming to Ponyville, and she’s been in both mine and Time Turner’s dreams last night?” I talked as calmly as I could, and waited for the gravity of the issue to sink in.

It looked like it hit them both at the same time. Big Mac’s mouth went slack, his trademark sprig of wheat falling out of his mouth, and Caramel had the expression one so rarely encounters in everyday life of ‘I just got told the Princess is coming to town and she knows my deepest secret.’

It was kind of funny. I’d have a hard time recreating it.

“Are you sure?” Caramel asked, looking slightly pale.

“I read the letter myself. Now, I don’t think there’s a whole lot we can do about this, but I thought you ought to know. I’m going to find Time Turner and see what’s up with him. Hopefully I can get to him before she gets here. I have absolutely no idea when she’s getting here. Rarity’s writing her right now,” I explained, and walked off.

I left the two conversing quietly amongst themselves, and I heard them start trotting in the direction of the Apple farm as I walked on. It was getting late, I noticed, and I was getting tired. I came up to the library before I remembered I’d meant to stop by Time Turner’s house, but, as the note on the door informed me, that would have been a waste of time.

Dear Spike,

I won’t be back till late tonight, as I am currently on a date with Time Turner. Yes, you read that correctly. Please don’t eat all of the ice cream, and try to keep the place clean. If you’re not in bed by the time I get back I’ll make you stay up all night writing sentences.

Love,

Twilight

“So he actually did it, huh? Neat.” Then I realized I wouldn’t be able to talk to Turner until tomorrow. “Aw, crap. Well, it’s not like she’s on her way here right now.”

-------

Princess Luna looked down over her letter to Rarity, and the one she’d just received from said unicorn. They’d agreed that getting started as soon as possible was the best option, and that Rarity would take measurements when she got there. She glanced over her shoulder at the two guards who’d ‘volunteered’ to accompany her to Ponyville. The bat pony mare and unicorn stallion from this morning had been the only ponies willing to go near the town after the recent chain of absolutely crazy events that had occurred over the last few years. Ever since Twilight Sparkle had relocated, the entire place had gone insane.

It was a running joke amongst the guard that the most effective disciplinary center they could ever fashion was a guard station between the town and the Everfree Forest.

Then someone wrote the proposal. Now it was every guard pony’s motivation to perform well enough to NOT get sent there.

Luna mused over what to take with her. She didn’t have a great deal of clothes, a matter she was trying to rectify, but wanted to make sure to take enough luggage to bring all her new clothes back. “What do you think, Eve? Should I take the lighter case? Or the armored one?”

Eve, the bat pony mare who had, by now, proven to be rather snarky and sadistic when it involved her unicorn partner, grinned and offered helpfully, “I’d suggest the armored one. You can never be to careful, and ol’ Muster here can carry the weight around just fine.”

Muster glowered at his bat companion. “Oh, sure, land all of it on me, why don’t you. Princess, just take whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m pretty sure nopony’s going to judge you on your taste in bags.”

Luna nodded approvingly. “Very good! Armored it is." She flung the case at Muster, who wasn’t quite fast enough.

“Oof!” he cried, as Eve fell over laughing.

Luna winced and tilted her head in concern. “Oh, dear. I hope that’s not a sign of things to come...”

Author's Notes:

Ok, so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. I feel like the pacing's off in a few places and the dialogue needs some work.

It's not bad, but I feel like it could be better.

Anyway, gonna take a small break and go work on the next story in my list today. Enjoy.