Ponyville’s train station rarely saw such an assembly of bodies. It was a quiet town and the number of ponies coming and going fluctuated from week to week. Twilight, Applejack, Big Mac, Rainbow Dash and Rarity had come to welcome home a friend. For good measure Fluttershy and Pinkie came along too. That’s what I pictured in my mind anyway. I didn’t know what they were thinking. Were they anxious about seeing me again? Or happy that I completed my journey unscathed?

The train rattled to a stop. I didn’t look out of the window on arrival. I could avoid any unnecessary disappointment if nobody was there that way. I unlatched the door, grabbed my suitcase, and stepped down onto the wooden floor. Of course they were all there – this was the kind of thing that you could convince half the town to show up for, even if they didn’t know you.

“I’m back.”

Twilight pulled me into a quick hug as the rest of the group gathered around me, “Did you have a nice trip?” she asked.

“It was good. Really eye opening.”

Applejack was trying hard not to cry in front of me. She pulled off her hat and covered her eyes, “Happy to have you back partner.” Rainbow swooped in and tried to snatch it from her, “Hey! Hooves off girl!”

“How about we go get something to eat and I can tell you all about it?” The group led me through the town. Nothing had changed, not that I expected it to. I’d only been gone for a few months, but back home that was an entire lifetime. Equestria moved at a much slower pace than that. Pinkie had taken the chance to plug her own workplace and reserved us a table.

“I should ask if anything happened around here while I was gone.”

Rainbow snickered, “There’s always something happening in Ponyville. Isn’t that right Twilight?”

Twilight blushed and gave off a nervous laugh, “Sure is.” Twilight had a bit of a reputation for being involved in most of the mayhem that happened thanks to her magical studies, not the kind of mayhem that killed anyone at least. Sat at the table with several pairs of expectant eyes on me, the words left me. I didn’t know how to start.

“Uh. How do you cram seven months in an hour?”

“I don’t know, you tell us,” Applejack sighed.

“You’ve been to these places too right? I was just working with Braeburn the other day.”

“Down in Appleloosa.”

“Exactly. I went to all the big towns, and some of the small ones. Met a lot of ponies and did a lot of hard work.”

Mac was conspicuous by his silence. I’d gotten to know him as a much more talkative person over the average pony. I didn’t know if he suffered from anxiety around others, but he remained silent even as Rainbow and Twilight picked my brain for every little detail on my journey. I worked my way through every interesting story that I’d collected over the following hour until the girls were satisfied.

“I think that’s just about everything.”

“I think it’s rather impressive,” Twilight mused, “Some of the worldly scholars that I know haven’t gone so far as to travel to every town.”

“I mean, they weren’t all that interesting. I skipped a few.”

The conversation had wound down again, so Fluttershy took her moment to say her goodbyes. “I-I have to go and feed the animals, it was nice seeing you again,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Don’t be a stranger,” I said as she floated away. Fluttershy was the one friend in the group that I hadn’t spent much time with. I knew the basic things about her, like her love of animals, or her shy demeanour, but not much beyond that.

Applejack eyed my bag, “How many bits did you make in the end?”

“A full year’s work, minus travel expenses. I’m probably halfway to my own house. I haven’t counted properly in a while. I got lazy on keeping track.” I hefted the case onto the table and opened the clasps, revealing several small foldable tools and brown sacks which contained my riches. One convenience of being a horse was that you didn’t need to bring clothes with you.

“Is that so.”

“But I already got a place to stay, don’t I?”

Applejack rolled her eyes, “You knew what I was getting’ at the whole time.”

“Sharp as a tack. Unless you don’t want my freeloading flank at the farm this time?”

“Freeloading?” Mac said, “You did plenty.”

“And Granny Smith isn’t getting any younger. A pair of extra hooves can’t hurt.” Applejack held out a hoof. I met her halfway.

“I’m re-hired then.”

With matters of practicality out of the way, it was only a matter of time before Twilight would ask the question on the remaining reveller’s minds. “Did you find what you were looking for?” I took a deep breath.

“I think so. I had a lot of time to think when I was going places. I’m ready to be normal. As normal as I want to be.”

“…I haven’t talked with the Princess much.”

“Much?”

“A few letters when something important happened. We used to talk about a lot more though. I don’t… I don’t trust her. Not right now.”

“That’s perfectly understandable.”

“But it’s frustrating because I feel like you’ve taken it better than I have.”

I shook my head, “Twilight I went on a seven-month sabbatical because of this. I wanted to get out of Ponyville and at the start I thought that I might never come back.”

“I’m right glad you did come back,” Applejack interrupted.

“I have friends here. So I guess it was inevitable. I was just upset. I felt like I had to make a decision for myself, because ever since I showed up here, I was getting kicked from pillar to post.”

“You feel better about it now?”

“I didn’t find anything I liked better. Call it Stockholm syndrome if you want.”

Pinkie rubbed her head, “Stock-what what what?”

“Uh, it’s nothing, just a term I picked up.”

The party wound down, with Pinkie and Rarity making their own exit from the bakery. It was nice seeing everyone again, but they had their own chores to do. The rest of the gang escorted me through the middle of town. A few familiar faces welcomed me back. It was nice to live in a town with friendly people. You’d never get this kind of community back home.

I was back to where I started. Living in the same house and working the same job. I had a new perspective on it though. All of those things weren’t things I hated. I liked AJ and Mac a lot, and it was nice living with other people again. I’d associated them with the bad times. There were a lot of them, but that didn’t mean I had to ignore the good things too.

Good things. Good things. If I repeated it enough it’d become true. I needed to be positive. I’d put a part of myself into a box and locked it away. There was no good to be found in crying about it now. I was confident in my belief that there was no way back. Twilight had driven herself mad, and Celestia hadn’t even tried.

We came to the front gate of the orchard. “Go on without me, I just want a word with Twilight.”

Applejack nodded, “Alright. Don’t take too long, Bloom’s bouncing off the walls waiting for you.” Mac and AJ left me alone.

“You don’t have to do anything for my sake Twilight. If you want to start talking to Celestia again…”

“No. It’s something that needs to be done,” Twilight spoke with resolution, “She won’t learn if I just let her back into my life so easily. She abused my trust and hurt a friend. I don’t want to reward her for it.”

“…Do you think I gave up too easily?”

“I can’t say Gerry. It’s your choice. I don’t know how it felt, if you think it’s the right thing to do, then that’s all that matters.”

“I was looking for a contrary opinion to be honest. It’d make me feel better.”

Twilight looked away, “I’m not going to tell you what to do Gerry. Haven’t you had enough of that?”

“Good point. I mean, I was just looking for a friend to insult me.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either.”

Twilight looked like she desperately wanted to say something to me. But she couldn’t. At the time I didn’t know what it was. In the end she held her tongue and turned to leave, “It’s good to have you back Gerry.”

“Just call me Toffee, everybody else does.” I didn’t see her face. But I’m sure that it wasn’t a pretty sight. I didn’t have any regrets though, not anymore. I’d see this stupid life through to it’s end, no matter what may.

Months passed, in a way that they hadn’t when I was travelling. On the road you didn’t think so much about how much time you whittled away, keeping yourself occupied with where you’re going to sleep for the night, or where the best place to eat will be. Stability brings boredom. I was busy, but it wasn’t exactly high adventure. I knew what I was getting into when I returned. This was the normal pace of life. You couldn’t live out on the rails forever. Eventually reality would arrive and show it’s ugly head. Then you’d need a roof to sleep under and a job to keep you occupied.

And keeping occupied was something that I was good at. I settled into a routine. Wake up early, go out to work in the orchard, or if I were lucky, I could visit one of the other nearby farms and give them a helping hoof with whatever needed doing. In a sense everything had gone back to normal. Even before I left, I’d been living this life for months. But while I liked to imagine that I could just pause everything for when I was ready, I couldn’t control the feelings of other people so easily.

Which is why Mac was waiting for me by the trees.

“Mac, what are you doing up here?”

“…I wanted to talk with you.”

“Is it important?”

“Yup.”

“It’s about what you said to me isn’t it? I know.”

“I don’t right care much for how you used to be, that ain’t the Toffee that I know. I don’t care if you used to be a stallion. I like you how you are.” From anybody else I’d dismiss it, but Mac had known me long enough for his words to have their own weight. I didn’t know if I was ready for romance, I didn’t even know if I liked stallions. I’d certainly never thought about being with one. Celestia came to mind and I shook my head.

“I can’t do it Mac. Not right now.”

“…Why not?”

“…I don’t want… I don’t want her to win.”

Mac frowned; he didn’t understand what I meant. I didn’t really understand what I meant. It was a stupid thought to have, an irrational fear of something that I’d made up. But I couldn’t discard it now that I’d thought of it. Celestia probably thought it was economical. She was laughing it up in her throne room that instant. I was sure. Killing two birds with one stone.

“Come back to me with it.”

“Huh?”

“Let’s have this exact same talk next week. I’ll give you a proper answer then.”

Mac nodded, his shaggy orange hair blowing in the breeze. “I’ll leave you to it.”

Author's Notes:

A huge thank you to:
Evo
Korenav

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