Somewhere In Some Dark Woods In The Middle Of The Night Outside Canterlot

“Changelings, the ritual is about to commence!” Chrysalis alerted her hive. Her loyal army bustled to do their duties, hundreds of changelings in all in the large clearing. The only light came from the large bonfire in the center of the clearing, and the pale moonlight from above.

“I want everyone into position now! Our champion awaits!” The warriors’ cheers sounded throughout the clearing, as the changelings formed into a perfectly aligned group of ranks, a formation done at the drop of a hat.

“Your majesty,” a changeling said, saluting his queen as he made his way closer. He was dressed in the ordinate outfit of a changeling high priest (If you must know, changelings worship tapeworms. Totally canon.), a lavish outfit of intricate colors, flowing garments and tons of feathers. “The ritual is prepared. All it requires now is your magical touch.”

“Excellent. With this portal completed, not even Celestia will be able to stand in our way,” Chrysalis said, making her way to the ritual site. “You are sure of that, right? Whoever appears through the portal will be able to kill Celestia?”

“Indeed, my queen,” the changeling priest replied, a confident smirk on his face. “I have set the appropriate runes for such a spell. Whoever appears from the portal’s entry will have the capabilities to kill Celestia.”

“What about kill me?”

The changeling priest chuckled and shook his head. “Not to worry, your majesty. I specifically made adjustments on the spell to make sure that the specific person who arrives via the portal is as blackhearted as yourself. As long as we pay them their required bill for this assassination job, they’ll comply.”

“Good. I want this invasion to be pulled off smoothly,” Chrysalis warned, finally arriving at  where the ritual was to take place. “Tonight Canterlot will burn to the ground, and Celestia will fall! Then I’ll have my revenge on those Element bearers, along Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. My fury will not rest until they’re all six feet deep in a hole in the ground.”

“They will be, don’t worry about that. When our champion arrives, that’ll be our guarantee for victory.” The changeling priest waved his hoof over the ritual site–a circle made over the ground from the soot of manticore bones, with runes and symbols made inside the circle from hydra blood. Candles surrounded the outside perimeter, made specifically from cocoon wax, with the lit fires on each candle being created from phoenix breath. The perfect type of satanic ritual to summon a warrior from the beyond. “All you need to do now is pour as much magic as you can into the circle, so that it may break the barrier between dimensions and summon to us Equestria’s doom!”

Grinning devilishly, Chrysalis’ horn glowed a vicious green light that cast a malicious illumination across the entire camp. The circle now glowed this same color, along with the blood runes turned from a dark red to toxic green in an instant. This spread until the entire circle was being powered by Chrysalis’ magic, with the candle light finally turning green as well to show signs the ritual was near completion.

Suddenly, a spark of green light appeared in the center of the circle. This was followed by another spark, then another, until what appeared to be a miniature thunderstorm was forming inside the circle. This thunderstorm swirled together, creating a whirlpool effect of sorts as the air buzzed with the power from the magic energies. Then, in a flash of bright white light, a gust of air blew through the clearing and nearly knocked several changelings down as the portal was completed.

Brushing a hoof through her eyes to clear them of any dirt that the gust kicked up, Chrysalis stared at the portal with wonder and amazement. Which quickly turned to surprise. “It’s... a door.”

A plain, old oak door, with a simple doorknob and the number nine symbol near the top. “Um... yes, it is,” the changeling priest noted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “See, the spell works to go to where the best assassin for the job is located, and then using a physical barrier to separate both worlds. You know, to prevent accidental mishaps with the portal. Which is why this door is in use.”

“Wait... what if the person behind that door refused my offer?” Chrysalis asked, the notion of such an event finally dawning on her.

“Then the spell will simply cycle and move onto the next most likely candidate,” the changeling priest explained, walking up to the door and inspecting the handle. “So then a new door will appear in this one’s place.”

“Very practical,” Chrysalis noted, an eager smile on her face for what was about to happen next. “So, do we open the door?”

“I think knocking in the better option,” the changeling said, lifting his hoof up. “If we just barge in there, our champion might take ill effect.” Knocking his hoof against the door, the changeling priest called out, “Hello, is anyone there? We require some assista–”

He never got to finish his sentence, on account of half his jaw being blown apart as a bullet exploded most of the right side of his face. Taking a few steps back, what remained of his right eye finally fell to the ground, along with the changeling priest with it. The changeling army and queen were in a shocked silence, watching as a pool of blood formed near the changeling’s body.

Somewhere In Some Seedy Apartment Complex

“Goddamn, even with basic cable nothing is good on,” Bullseye sighed, scratching at the bullseye pattern scar on his forehead. Flicking through a couple more channels, he was triumphant in finally finding a good station. “Sweet, MacGyver’s on!”

His joy was short lived, as someone started knocking on his front door. “Hello, is anyone there? We require some assista–”

As quick as lightning, Bullseye grabbed the pistol he kept on his coffee table, and without even glancing at the door, he shot at the speaker. A gushy explosion followed by the tell tale sound of someone falling in a dead heap on the ground put a smile to the sadistic assassin’s face.

“No way in hell is someone going to interrupt me during some MacGyver action,” Bullseye said to himself, leaning back in his couch and twirling his pistol on his finger. “Bloody Jehovah Witnesses. Or girl scouts. Pretty sure it’s the second, since I had to shoot so low.”

Somewhere Back To Where We Were Previously

“Uh...” Chrysalis was at lost for words what to do next. Her high priest was dead, and she still had no champion. Shaking her head and composing herself, Chrysalis turned her attention back to her changeling horde and shouted, “Not to worry, my loyal subjects! This was but a mishap! Our true champion shall be here soon enough!”

Turning back, Chrysalis noticed that a new door had appeared in the other’s place. And it was opening.

From the doorway came an unusual sight. The creature was bipedal, standing over six feet tall, and dressed in one of the most ridiculous outfits Chrysalis had even laid eyes upon. It was wearing a weird clash of red and black spandex, with an untold amount of pockets and pouches attached to both his chest and shoulders. He wore what appeared to be a mask with white eye slits to see through. And what was quickly the most important factor about his appearance was the fact he wasn’t wearing pants. Just underwear with spider symbols all over it.

“Our champion has arrived!” Chrysalis called out to her hive, pointing her hoof at the strange creature.

“Yeah... Yellow Page ad...” Chrysalis said, still confused what he was getting at. Coughing slightly to get his attention as he was basking in his own glory, she said, “Well, if our partnership is to continue, it would be proper of me to introduce myself. I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.”

“Name’s Deadpool,” Deadpool said, pointing a thumb at himself. “I kill people.”

“Then I’m sure we’ll get along just fine,” Chrysalis replied, her smile only growing as her grand moment of achievement would soon come to fruition.

“So... you created a portal just to get me to kill someone,” Deadpool said, a bit of pride sounding in his voice. Pointing to the dead body of the changeling priest, he said, “You even did a ritual sacrifice in my honor. I am really touched.”

“Um... yeeeeeeah,” Chrysalis replied, nodding her head in agreement. “Anyway, back to the matter at hoof. I need someone dead. Will you be able to do the job?”

“First off, how much money do you have?” Deadpool asked, starting to put his legs in his pants. “Secondly, how long will it take? MacGyver’s on.”

“Not too long. I plan for the invasion for tonight,” Chrysalis replied, looking over at two changelings dragging over a chest. Leaving the chest at Deadpool’s feet, she opened it, revealing a hoard of treasure. Gold, gems, ancient artifacts of the magical and deadly nature. Deadpool’s eyes immediately turned into dollar signs, and a cha-ching sound could be heard from his head. “Will this suffice?”

Pushing his hand underneath his shirt, Deadpool pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to Chrysalis. “Well, this is the typical rates for who I murder.”

Arching an eyebrow, Chrysalis opened the pamphlet and gasped. “You charge this much for royalty? This is ridiculous! A complete ripoff!”

“Look down below for additional killings.”

Chrysalis felt herself get a miniature heart attack. “Just... ugh.” Sighing, she rubbed her temples to relieve her frustration before she shoved the pamphlet down his throat. “I only want the princess killed then. I can’t afford any additional killings.”

“Don’t worry. If I do it by accident or for fun, it’s free!” Finally getting both legs into his pants, he pulled them up, clipped on his belt, and zipped up his zipper. “Now, let’s get started on this too fast paced and horribly planned out adventure!”