Somewhere In A Corridor In Canterlot Castle

“So, how long ‘til Deadpool and whatever cronies that hired him arrive?” the Punisher asked.

Celestia glanced over her shoulder at her guest. “Tough to say, but now that Chrysalis has Deadpool, I suspect she won’t waste anymore time. The invasion could begin any minute.”

“Not much of an invasion if we see ‘em coming,” the Punisher noted, shrugging his duffel bag full of various illegally obtained firearms to a more comfortable position on his shoulder.

In the less than five minutes the Punisher has been in this strange world, he’s gotten used to it quickly. That comes with the job of killing criminals 24/7 and hanging around heroes that regularly fight interdimensional monsters and aliens. He wasn’t all too surprised someone like Deadpool ended up in a place like this. That, however, left him to question why he was sticking his neck out.

Oh sure, he could be classified as a hero, but more anti in retrospect than most. At least he had the balls to put scum and other villains down like the dogs they are, and save the taxpayers a pretty penny for the decline of villain breakouts and property damage. Yet he was still seen as the bad guy in most of the hero community. Not like he gave much of a damn what they thought. He just did his job, and he did it well.

And his job currently seems to be helping this princess alicorn defeat an invading army. Normally not the type of gig he would be hired by, but this was different. Deadpool was involved, after all.

Deadpool may be treated as the joke of both the hero and villain community, but he was still a force to be reckoned with, and the Punisher guessed it was his responsibility to make sure Deadpool doesn’t do anything drastic. He was the only one around that knew how to handle Deadpool... somewhat.

Celestia nodded and said, “Yes, well, we’ve been keeping an eye on them for weeks now, outside the city walls. We’ve thought about driving them out ourselves, but–”

“That can give them an opportunity to sneak past the fighting and get into the city,” he interrupted. “So, you’ve stayed up protecting the defensives while they remain outside? A standstill, with your only advantage being that you have a wall keeping them out.”

“Indeed,” Celestia replied, impressed at his reasoning. “But I fear that with the advantage of their champion, they will commence with a full force assault at any moment.”

“So, you want me to pop some skulls or what?” the Punisher asked, glancing around at the impressive architecture of the castle. For a bunch of mythological talking horses, they sure had some swanky houses. Would put most crime bosses back on Earth to shame.

“Preferably I’d want the least amount of violence possible.” Celestia shook her head and sighed. “But it seems Chrysalis and her changeling army won’t have at that. I can take on Chrysalis while my guards can battle her changelings. Your job is to make sure Deadpool isn’t a threat.”

“So, I kill him. Got it.” Thumbs up to the princess and he was on his way, walking down the hall, while Celestia stayed behind with her jaw opened wide.

Quickly regaining her composure, she caught up back to the Punisher and asked, “But isn’t Deadpool your friend?”

“Sorta. Kinda. Not really.” The Punisher shrugged his shoulders. “Really, we’re acquaintances more than anything. I’ve shot at him a couple of times, he’s tried to chop my head off, we’ve formed a dynamic duo to take on both a ninja and intelligent ape armies. It depends on the situation. And with this one, I’m left with no other choice but to kill him.”

“Can’t you–”

“Kill him?” the Punisher said, a demented smile on his face. “Sure. But it won’t be easy. Heck, killing Deadpool might be the hardest job any villain or hero could pull off.”

“Is he exceedingly powerful?”

“Nope, just a tough son of a bitch to kill.” Both of them finally reached the end of the hall, where the doors to a balcony greeted them. Opening the door, the Punisher continued by saying, “First off, he’s completely psychotic. Crazier than most nuts in the whackhouse. Makes it impossible to predict him, or for any form of telepathy or mind control to work. Along with that is the fact he is a highly trained mercenary and assassin. He can go toe to toe to me in terms of combat and sharpshooting. And to just complete the fuck cake, he has one of the best healing factors I’ve ever seen. Nearly impossible to kill him that way.”

“So, he can heal himself really fast?” Celestia asked, joining the Punisher outside on the balcony, overlooking the city and outside walls.

“I’ve seen him get dismembered, riddled with bullets, stabbed more times than you could count, run over multiple occasions, blown up sky high, all the bones in his body broken into bite size pieces, entire chunks of his body ripped or bitten off, and even his entire head cut off once.”

Celestia’s face switched from white to green as a visible look of disgust overcame her visage. “Oh my... you actually saw all of that?”

“Heck, I performed half those acts on him myself,” the Punisher chuckled darkly, setting his duffel bag down and peering out in the darkness for any signs of an approaching army. “Also, got another question for ya.”

“If it’s anything other than what you just listed out for me, go ahead,” Celestia replied.

“Is there any other particular reason Chrysalis activated the portal to pull Deadpool out now of all times?”

“I don’t see anything funny about pulling me away from my world to fix your screw ups,” the Punisher said, glaring at the princess with a scrutinous gaze. “I have cocaine dealers I need to kill, meth labs that need busting and gangsters that need banging... you know what I mean.”

“Well, there are actually two other princesses here that help me co-rule Equestria,” Celestia explained, uneasy under the Punisher’s intense glare. “Princess Luna, who is my sister, and Princess Twilight Sparkle, who is my student. Along with them are the Elements of Harmony, the greatest magical tool in all of Equestria, used by the Elements bearers themselves.”

“Lemme guess. They’re unavailable at the moment?”

Her nod was a good enough answer for him. Grumbling under his breath and wiping a hand across his face, he muttered, “And what gave you the idea that leaving yourself all alone while a frickin’ army is outside your doorstep was a good idea?”

“My student and her friends were needed in the Crystal Empire in the north. Twilight’s brother, Shining Armor, and his wife, Princess Cadence, were under attack by the revived form of Sombra,” Celestia said. “My sister had... unresolved issues with Sombra, so she decided to accompany the Elements as well.”

“Leaving you all alone.” The Punisher slammed his fist on the balcony railing, putting a few cracks in the stone. “Damn! Why would she do something so stupid?”

“Sombra and Luna used to... date each other,” Celestia mumbled, edging farther away from the Punisher. “The break up was messy. Ended with Sombra becoming a slave mongering tyrant and Luna later becoming a power hungry alter ego of herself.”

“Great. Just my luck that I ended up in a world as incompetent as mine.” The Punisher opened up his duffel bag and sorted through the wide range of guns at his disposal. Finding what he wanted, he pulled out a sniper rifle. It had decent enough range to take out any targets that approach the castle by the streets, and by attaching the night vision scope he had with him as well he’d be able to splatter the heads of any approaching forces with relative ease. Plus, the semi-automatic aspect with 20-round detachable box would make reloading and shooting quickly a breeze.

“So, are you just going to...?” Celestia waved her hoof at the strange weapon he just pulled out that she didn’t recognize.

“Listen up. Stay in the castle, tell the guards to be on lookout, and be prepared for any bastard that tries to poke his head in,” the Punisher instructed her, loading the sniper rifle and getting into position by the balcony. “Once I get a lock-on of Deadpool, I’ll take care of the problem with enough shots. Now, get moving.”

“Why? I still haven’t prepared any proper spells to counteract what Chrysalis could throw at me.”

“Because, they’re nearly here already,” the Punisher said, setting out the bipod attachment on the balcony as he stared down the scope at the walls of the city. “Assholes are near the walls.”

“Do you see Chrysalis with them?” Celestia asked, moving closer to get a look at the city wall. “Maybe Deadpool as well?”

“I have no idea what Chrysalis looks like, but I got Deadpool lined up nicely,” the Punisher said, his finger itchy to pull the trigger to its heart’s content. “Son of a bitch is out of range though. And... Jesus, you gotta be fucking me.”

“What? What could it possibly be?” Celestia asked, worry etched in her tone.

“He has a bazooka,” the Punisher replied, having the growing urge to facepalm. “The frickin’ idiot has a bazooka. Just great.”