Monday, June 23rd, 2014...

I lay dozing peacefully. Warm air breezed across my exposed skin. My right arm numb from my head laying on it. I felt little... somethings... they felt like feelers, brushing against my body with a gentle bliss.

Laying with the right side of my face in the ground, I slowly opened my left eye, only to be met by a complete blur. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh as I rolled over, my numb arm dragging itself along and refusing to respond.

I let my right eye crack half open, only to realize I was surrounded by tall field grass that brushed against my body with the gentle breeze. I tried to move my right arm but it just ended up flopping around, still not enough blood flowing through it to have it function properly.

I shifted around in the dirt and used my left hand to stroke my face, only to realize my hand was covered in... dust of some sort. Like I had been sanding something recently. I squinted my eye and looked closer, now noticing little black marks, like leftover paint that I hadn't washed off. I thought for a little while but couldn't remember doing any sort of renovating work or any kind of painting whatsoever.

A tingling feeling surged through my arm and I began clenching my fist and flexing my bicep. After a few more moments, my arm's primary functions had returned. I began rubbing my face, letting out sighs of morning drowse, light yawns, the usual.

After a few minutes, I realized that I was, or had been, sleeping in a field and not the back of my truck like I vaguely remembered. “Hmm... maybe I rolled out last night...” I muttered, figuring perhaps I had been squirming in my sleep and had fallen out.

With an exhale through my nose, I sat up. Doing a quick scan of the area, I quickly spotted my truck, only a few yards away. “Ahh... perfect,” I whispered under my breath. Standing up, I noticed that my feet were bare, boots and socks missing.

I went to scratch the side of my head then noticed I was also missing my t-shirt. The only garment of clothing I had left was my underwear. “Uhm... at least I left myself decent...” I whispered in uncertainty.

I just shrugged and moseyed over to the truck. Just a few feet behind her rear, I found my socks and boots, but no shirt.

I smirked to myself. “I find my boots, my socks, but I need a sheet,” I said in an Italian accent, still a little bit drowsy. “Go to the toilet. No, I wanna sheet on the bed,” I chuckled as I slipped on my socks and pants. On the tailgate, I also found my custom gadget watch and eye patch. My necklace had stayed on all night.

I slipped the watch on first, fastening it to my wrist, then the eye patch. I sat down on the tailgate and just looked to the wide open pastures. It was nice out here. Quiet, gentle... away from everything. A flashing memory invaded my vision and played back a moment I would always remember.

Twizzler, my favorite cow, grazing out in the hay field past the electric fence... where she wasn't supposed to be. I whistled out and called her name. Her head darted up and her ears flickered and clapped together. She looked to me then trotted down in a prancing way. As she arrived to the fence, she kept a steady pace and simply hopped over it like it was nothing.

The memory faded and my vision returned to normal. I looked to my hands and recalled that for some reason, I had black paint or something on them along with some granular dust.

As I sat there in peace, Lassie slowly woke from her slumber and sat up, then without another word hopped over the side of the bed box. After a moment, I heard a trickling sound. I peered over the side of the truck and saw her taking a leak on my truck tire.

“HEY! What gives?” I asked and she looked to me.

“What gives yourself? Is it like... some kinda fetish you have? Watching me pee,” she asked and I frowned, sitting back down and leaving her to her privacy. After a few more moments, she paced back to the rear of the truck and hopped back into the box.

“So seriously... why the tire?” I asked and she just shrugged.

“Dunno. Never gave it much thought. It just seemed... like the natural thing to do really... like... like a subconscious thing. Like breathing,” she stated and I rose an eyebrow. “What?! Don't believe me? It's like me asking you why you stand while taking a leak,” she replied and I just rolled my eye.

Our commotion had awoken Twilight. She gave a whinny yawn and wrapped her forelegs around my waist. “Mmm... what happened to your shirt?” she asked and I shrugged.

“Dunno. Woke up face down in the dirt over there nearly naked...” I trailed off, wondering what exactly did happen. I laid my hands atop her hooves as we just sat there together. Lassie's wagging tail thumped against the bed-liner as she sat beside us.

“Know what I'm thinking?” she asked but we both shook our heads.

I spoke up. “No... but I have a feeling you're gonna tell us,” I replied. She nodded then rubbed her belly.

“What's say... take out for breakfast. I'm thinking... Tim Horseton's?” she suggested. As she mentioned the idea of food, my stomach gave a low growl. I wasn't starved, but I could go for some chow.

“Mmm... that sounds pretty good actually... couple grilled cheese, egg bagel...” we both looked to Twilight and she gave us a blank expression.

“What? Why are you two looking at me like that?” she asked curiously.

I held up my hands in wondering way. “Well... how's bout it? Breakfast of Champions... err... well, breakfast of Canadians, or whatever you call them here?” I asked.

“Oh... well I was going to-” she was cut off as Lassie barked.

“YUPP! TIM HORSETON'S, LET'S GO!” she announced without another word. She zipped out of the back and to the passenger side. Twilight just blinked and I turned to her with a smirk.

“She sure is somethin huh?” I chuckled as we both hopped out of the box. I shut the tailgate and helped the two of them into the passenger side, even though I was willing to bet Twilight could do it herself.

I walked around and took my place in the driver seat. “Mmm... good morning Cadence. Have a nice nap?” I asked as I swiped the naughty key. As always, she pipped out a beep. I keyed the glow plugs and let out a yawn.

Lassie leaned over. “So... what happens if you try to start the truck before that light goes out?” she asked. I rubbed my chin.

“Uhh... well... if it's cold out... it'd be hard on the starter... in warm weather... I dunno. Not really a mechanic,” I replied as I keyed the ignition. Cadence rumbled to life with no problems and I quickly pulled away. As we drove, there was a... silence. Not an awkward one, or an eerie one... just a silence. “So...?” I asked. They both looked to me.

Lassie spoke first. “So what?” she asked and I just shook my head with a shrug.

“Sooo... what's been going on lately?” I asked, trying to spark up a conversation... and failing misreably.

They both just looked to themselves and scratched behind their ears in similar fashion, though Twilight used her forehoof and Lassie her hind paw. Twilight spoke up. “My birthday is coming up... I guess.”

“Ahh... yes, of course. So what did you want again?” I asked but she just giggled.

“Nothing really. I said that already. I just want you to be there,” she said with a smile. Lassie leaned over and whispered into my ear, using her paw to cover the view of her mouth.

“That's her way of saying get her something she'd like,” she joked and I gave a frown. Twilight buried her face into her hoof.

“That's not my way of saying get me something I'd... nevermind,” she said. I tapped my fingers together in wonder.

“So... if you were to want something... it'd be a...” I trailed off and waited for her to finish but she just shook her head.

“I don't want anything. Don't worry yourself about it,” she replied. Lassie leaned forwards over the center console and waved.

“Hey, if she won't take it, I'll take whatever it is,” she said with a mischievous grin. I patted her head and scratched behind her ears.

“I'll make note of that,” I laughed then rubbed under her chin attentively. As we puttered along, the silence returned. 'Figures...' I thought to myself. After a few minutes, I was pulling the truck up in front of the Tim Horseton's. 'And no drive-thru...' I muttered inwardly.

I turned off Cadence and pocketed the keys, along with my wallet. We all proceeded inside, where the ever friendly cashier mare, Mary, met us with a friendly smile. As we stepped up, she looked to Twilight, then to me, then back to Twilight and finally to me. “Oh... I never knew you had a marefriend,” she said and my stomach sank.

“N-Uhh... no I... I'm her... she's my son... erm... I'm her son... she's my mom,” I stammered out, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. She blinked, looked at Twilight then back to me again.

“Uhh... she's... you're mom?” she asked hesitantly and Twilight spoke up.

“In relative terms,” she said. I had no idea what that meant and I don't think Mary did either. She just nodded just as I did, unsurely.

“Oh... I see... well then... so how may I help you this morning?” she asked. Lassie hopped her front paws on the counter.

“Cappuccino with whip cream, and two grilled cheese... please,” Lassie ordered. Mary just nodded. My mother stepped up to order next.

“Uhm... may I have... a hay sandwich and a cup of tea, please?” she asked and Mary typed it in. I rubbed my chin.

“Can I get... a powder jelly doughnut, two grilled cheese sandwiches and-” Lassie cut me off.

“Let me guess... large tea with honey flavor and a lemon wedge with a little umbrella?” she asked, partly ordering for me. I just blinked. That did sound pretty good. I looked to Mary who was looking to me, waiting for me to give the okay.

I nodded and Lassie snickered. “Hipster,” she chuckled and I looked to her with a frown.

“Shush you,” I whispered. Mary typed it in and got several things wrong but I didn't bother telling her as I promptly paid for the overcharged bill. Lassie and I waited for the bill as Twilight found a spot for all of us to sit together by a window.

Mary soon returned with our food along with the receipt then went pale faced. “Oh no... oh dear... ohdearohdearohdear... I... I...” she stammered nervously and I grabbed the bill.

“Overcharged me? It's okay, I owe you from when you paid for my coffee that time, remember?” I said with a wink, though it probably just looked like a blink due to me only having one eye. She let out a heavily relieved sigh. Lassie hopped up and grabbed our order.

“Alright! Chow time,” she said happily, tail wagging wildly. Mary rose a brow.

“Never get used to it... a talking dog,” she said and I gave Lassie a rub to the side of her face.

“Yeah, but she's a good talking dog,” I said and Lassie looked over.

“Yeah... and you forgot best friend,” she joked and I just chuckled.

“Yeah... that's Lassie, my best friend...” I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb. “That's Twilight, my pony mother,” I said, as if joking about my own words.

Lassie just snorked. “Jesus... you really need a psychiatrist,” she joked and I nodded, my head swaying side to side.

“Yeah... probably... though they'd end up just stuffing me in a straight jacket,” I joked back. I looked to Mary and gave her a nod as I raised my tea. “Thanks,” I thanked her and proceeded to our seat.

I sat down but as I did, Lassie started hoovering down her grilled cheese. I cradled my tea... my hipster tea as Lassie would call it, and looked to my mother. She met my stare and blushed, looking away timidly. “What?” she asked bashfully.

“Nothing,” I replied, elbows on the table and holding my cup up high, swishing it around and blowing on it in an attempt to cool it faster. “So...” I trailed off and she looked to me.

“So...?” she asked back.

“Your birthday... excited?” I asked and she shrugged in uncertainty.

“I'm not sure,” she replied. I rose an eyebrow.

“Not sure?” I asked and she smirked.

“Well how bout you? Are you excited for your birthday?” she asked and I just scratched my head.

“Truth be told... I wasn't really thinking about it. Figured I'd just let it pass by without anypony knowing,” I said but Lassie just snorked.

“HA! Not-a-chance. I already got you a present,” she informed me and I rose a brow. “And NOOO, I'm not gonna tell you what it is. It'll ruin the surprise,” she stated and my mother looked to me.

“She's right. Can't let it pass by unnoticed. Besides, I've gotten you something too. Can't let it just pass by,” she insisted and I just sighed.

Lassie spoke up. “Besides, 19 is a big year,” she informed me and I looked to her. I had no idea what the legal drinking age or anything was in Equestria, not that I cared. Usually the big year referred to legal drinking age.

“How is it a big year?” I asked and she gave me a dumb look.

“Duh, last year of being a teenager. Last year you can be immature and get away with it. Last year you don't have to take responsibility seriously. Last year-” I cut her off.

“Okay-okay... alright. But first things first. Mom, your birthday...” I trailed off and she just squirmed in her seat with a blush.

“I don't know... I'm not really positive. Last year it was pretty fun...” she told me the story about how last year Rarity had went out on a business trip or something to Canterlot and how she wouldn't make it back for Twilight's party so the group went to Canterlot and... it was quite a conundrum.

“Ha-ha... Rarity, playing double agent...” I snickered and Twilight looked to me with a cocked brow. “Nothing... just snickering to myself is all... okay, so how about the birthday before that?” I asked and she just sighed.

“Oh... it was nothing special really...” she trailed off. Both Lassie and I looked to her and waited. “What? I said it was nothing,” she stated but we still waited with persistence. “Well... I got some gifts in the mail from my family and a new study book from Celestia... and I just... studied...” she said, rather sheepishly.

“Okay... the one before that?” I asked. She just looked away.

“I... wasn't very social...” she trailed off and I just sighed.

“Sorry,” I replied but she just turned back and gave a smile.

“It's alright. How about you?” she asked. I just covered my face and stroked it.

“I uhh... was working my last birthday... at the farm back home,” I stated.

“And the time bef-” Lassie cut her off.

“Nah, it's good Twilight. Just a bunch of useless nostalgic memories,” she interrupted abruptly.

I nodded. “Yeah... pretty useless...” I said with a deep tone. Twilight went to say something but Lassie motioned for her to say nothing. “It's alright Lassie... mom, I... I was pretty young when I last had a birthday party... with friends and stuff...” I trailed off, cutting myself short before I got too deep into it.

“Oh... I see... well, I'll make sure that this year you'll have a fantastic...” she trailed off and looked around. I tried to follow her gaze but it was mostly just to random places. “I'll make sure that you have a fantastic party-” she was cut off by a blast of confetti that sprayed at us.

“PARTYYYYY,” screamed an ever hyperactive voice as Pinkie bounced around, popping out of nowhere. She began to sing a song about birthdays and parties and all kinds of nonsense. As the song came to a close, she placed a party hat on my head and stuffed a party horn in my mouth before leaping into the garbage can nearby.

I gave a little toot with the horn before spitting it out and taking off the hat. I looked to the garbage can and lifted the lid, only to find it vacant. “The fu...” I trailed off. I went and took my seat once again, only to find Lassie stuffing back some of my grilled cheese. “EH!” I gasped and yanked away the second sandwich.

“Wha?” she asked before swallowing. “It didn't look like you were eating it.” I frowned and turned to Mary.

“Hey Mary. Can I get a few more grilled cheese sandwiches?” I asked. She gave me a nod and I turned back to Twilight. “Dog...” I muttered and Lassie nudged me.

“Best friend,” she commented and I rolled my eye.

“So... how about your birthday mom? What can I get you?” I asked and she just shrugged.

“Nothing. Really. It's okay.” I frowned but she just padded me on the shoulder. “Enough about that. You have to do something else today,” she said and I cocked my eyebrow. “Have you forgotten already. You have a dentist appointment,” she giggled and I snapped.

“Oh yeah... that's right,” I said and she continued to smile.

“In both of your haste, you forgot to get her address. Here, I circle her house for you,” she gave me a map of Ponyville. Her house was on the other side of town. Just as I was looking at the map, Mary came by with my grilled cheese sandwiches.

I paid the bill, plus extra for a tip. I went to set them down and saw Lassie had eaten my other sandwich. “Aww... Lassie,” I groaned and she stopped, giving me a look as her cheeks were stuffed outwards like a chipmunk.

I snatched my jelly doughnut and took a bite, powder dabbing the sides of my lips. I relaxed for a while... and only ended up getting one grilled cheese sandwich... but it was nice. Relaxing for a change. My life had finally started to settle down. I didn't have the throttle pinned to the floor... I was just idling along... 'Maybe this is what it's like to live like a normal person,' I thought to myself, 'As normal as can be for the only human in a pony world...'

After a little while, I stood up and we proceeded to leave. “I'll drop you guys off and then head to the dentist,” I told them. We hopped in the truck and before starting it, I placed my half empty tea in the cup holder.

I started the truck and headed home. Unfortunately, like the ride to Tim Horseton's, there wasn't much conversation. Instead, I just had my tasty tea to entertain myself. I pulled the truck up to the front of the library and turned to my mother. I leaned over and gave her a smooch. “See yah in a bit,” I gave my farewell for the time. Lassie leaned over.

“Hey... what about me? Don't I get a kiss too?” she asked like a pouty kid. I just snicked and went to give her a kiss on the cheek. Instead she leaned in and began to slobber me with kisses.

“ACK! Lassie!” I laughed as I tried to pull away, only for her to lean in more and lick all the underside of my neck and chin. Without warning, she stopped abruptly.

“Okay, toodles,” she gave her goodbye and hopped out, along with Twilight who shut the door behind them. I slipped the truck into reverse and turned my boat of a truck around before slipping the transmission into drive and pulling away.

I drove to the outskirts of town and drove around in circles. I put a CD into the player, letting the tunes of Bon Jovi play, and cranking the music louder than the big block engine that was rumbling along at an idle pace.

An old memory of the truck's former owner played in my mind. 'I like her... but you can't have a conversation in the truck while it's running. Hell, you can't even order at the drive-thru.'

I laughed to myself. Oh how true that was, let alone if I could even manage to get my truck into a drive-thru without curbing it. I rolled the window down and rested my left arm while driving with my right. I began to mouth the words to 'Dead or Alive' as it played. A fume of dust followed my truck as I paced along beneath Celestia's beating sun.

Eventually I pulled around to Minuette's. I parked the truck and shut her down, hiding my keys in the visor like always. I put my wallet in my back pocket and paced up to the door. I gave a brief knock but never got a reply.

I knocked again but still got no reply. “Huh... wouldn't that be shitty... go to the dentist an-” the door swung open and startled me.

“Sorry, sorry. I was just doing a bit of studying. Come in-come in,” she greeted. I nodded and made my way inside. She led me over to a door and opened it, revealing a set of stairs to a basement room. “My office is downstairs, hope you don't mind?” she asked but I shook my head.

“I live in a basement...” I chuckled and stepped downstairs. As I reached the bottom, a shiver went down my spine. It was a little cool down here. I saw that she had a little table with some dentistry equipment and one of those patient bed things. Despite a basement operation, it looked like a regular dentist place. Not to shabby.

I walked up to the patient bed and looked back to her. “Sooo... I guess I just lay down on this thing huh?” I asked. She nodded.

“Uhm... yeah, sure. If it makes you comfortable. I just need to get a few things ready first,” she stated. I laid down and stared straight up and into that big light thing they always had above your head.

She came to my side with a fabric mask on and a few tools levitating beside her head, coated in her magic aura. “Okay... just... uhm, open up and saw ahhh.” I did as she asked. She began to explore my mouth with a popsicle stick and tiny mirror thing.

“Yeck... you don't floss much do you?” she asked and I tried to reply but it came out garbled. I just shook my head. She brought down some other things and began screwing around in my mouth. Pretty soon a tiny grinder looking thing came down and buzzed on. “Okay... this won't hurt. Or at least, it shouldn't hurt, okay?” she asked and I nodded.

She began to buzz at my teeth. It didn't hurt, but rather it just vibrated my head lightly. The back of my throat began to fill with saliva and I gagged slightly. “Oh, right... here suck on this,” she said and stuffed some rod in my mouth. I closed my mouth and sucked, and the saliva was sucked out.

I clucked my mouth and she promptly continued. Suddenly there was a sharp pain. “GAH!” I gasped and she yelped.

“Oh goddess. I'm so sorry. It slipped,” she apologized in a hurry.

“Ah! What was that?” I gasped as the taste of blood entered my mouth.

“I hit you gum by accident. I'm sooo sorry, please forgive me!” she pleaded and I just nodded.

“It's fine... I don't think I'll die... heh-heh... ouch,” I laughed and she rose a brow.

“Y-you-you're not mad?” she asked hesitantly and I just shook my head.

“Nah... it's alright. Everyone makes a mistake or an accident every now and then. Just as long as you don't keep jabbing me...” I gave her a smile... which was probably kind of bloody. She sucked away at my mouth with the little vacuum thingy then continued her work.

She flossed my teeth, and scrubbed them and did all sorts of things. “Okay... uhm... like I said before... your bottom teeth are a bit bent but I don't think you could do braces...” she trailed off and looked deep inside my mouth.

“Can you just... one second...” she grabbed some things then returned. She put my head in some kinda box thing that only had three walls. Suddenly her horn flashed like a camera and she removed the box.

I was a little confused by what was happening but pretty soon I got my answer. She returned with an x-ray sheet. “Okay... your one wisdom tooth... here,” she said, pointing to one of my wisdom teeth that appeared crooked. “Is growing on an angle... have you noticed any pain lately?” she asked but I just shook my head.

“Uhm... not in my mouth,” I replied and she just bit her lip.

“Well... I'm not absolutely positive but I'm pretty sure that it'll start to chew away at your gums and cause some severe discomfort as it continues to grow. If you're okay with it... I'd like to remove it before it causes you pain,” she replied. I blinked.

“What kinds of pain?” I asked.

“Well... the list is pretty long but mostly just pains when eating or similar activities,” she replied. I clucked my tongue. Pains while eating sounded pretty bad.

“Oh man... that sounds pretty bad,” I replied and she nodded.

“So... do you want me to remove the tooth?” she asked and I nodded.

“I guess...” I replied. She levitated out a gauze pad and a needle, floating it towards me. I gasped and swatted at the needle. “GAH! No way man,” I said in fear. She was stunned by the gesture.

“Uhm...” she trailed off as she retrieved the needle. “What's wrong?” she asked but I shook my head.

“No needle doc, I don't do needles,” I replied and she swallowed.

“B-but... it's an analgesic... you need it to numb the pain or...” she trailed off. I waved it off, breathing heavily.

“Just... just no needles... please... okay, please... no needles,” I pleaded with her. Her mouth was slightly agape.

“But... oh wait... so... is it just needles you have a problem with?” she asked and I nodded. “What if I cast a spell?” she asked and I nodded.

“Sure... just no needle okay.” I controlled my breathing and lowered my heart rate. She stepped back and lowered her horn.

“Okay... if I'm doing this right...” she trailed off and her horn flashed briefly. With that she pulled out a nasty hook looking thing and a wee little scalpel knife. She moved them towards my mouth. “You're... afraid of needles but not a hook and knife going into your mouth?” she asked and I nodded. “And... you barely know me, and I'm not really a dentist yet... you trust me to do this?”

I nodded. “You seem to know what you're talking about... and besides, you seem like a nice gal,” I replied and she smiled.

“Okay... first time for everything right?” she asked, and I just figured she meant somepony she barely knew trusting her to do this. She touched my gums with the knife and I flinched.

“Ahh... I can still feel it,” I replied. She bit her lip.

“Sorry... maybe there wasn't enough potency in my spell...” she trailed off and flashed her horn again. She poked my mouth. “Anything?” and I nodded. Her horn flared again. Again she poked me and still I felt the slight pain. “Still?” she asked. She sucked in deeply and quickly let out a large exhale.

“Okay... here it goes,” she lowered her horn right to my face and clenched her eyes shut as her horn began to brighten intensely. Spurts of magic globed off her horn and were absorbed into my skin, making me feel funny.

Suddenly there was a blinding light and a sudden force that struck my head. My eye was temporarily blinded and I had to keep it shut for a moment before opening it again. I was a little dazed from the strike. Minuette looked to me.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked and her voice started off fine but became a little muffled at the end.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so... I just...” Something felt really different. “I'mmm feelings juss... find...” my vision began to blur a bit and my voice started to slur and get deeper. “Uhhh... my eye... icey... ooh... I see...” I trailed off, unable to piece together words.

Everything started to move around. The walls looked like they were turning to jelly or something. I looked to her and saw that despite everything else shape shifting, she was the same for the most part. I noticed that her mane... it kinda... I tried to sit up but couldn't manage and just ended up struggling around.

She leaned down to help me and I got my chance. I reached up and felt her mane. Her mane... it felt all velvety and... it was all squishy and goopy. “Uh-ha-ha.” My voice was really deep and garbled. “Yer man... it feel mike... tooth pasta-ha-ha-ha...” I laughed as I leaned in to put my face in her mane.

I ended up falling over and off the patient bed. At first I expected to hit the ground but instead my body fell right through the floor and exploded into a spray of soap bubbles. My clothes turned into butterflies and flew away while my watch turned into a giant clock tower and my necklace turned into the arms for the clock.

The bubbles that were my body all swarmed together and formed the shape of a body but still stayed separate. As I fell, some bubbles streamed off my body, like a slip stream, but my bubble body never shrunk in size despite all the bubbles flying off. I was surrounded by a creepy ass town that seemed like it was from some kinda Halloween horror film. It was all dark and creepy, with spiders and bugs crawling all over the place. Creepy little... things that looks kinda like gremlins hopped around and sang a tune. A snake slithered by me then leapt down a hole in the ground. I suddenly realized there were two holes right next to each other that turned into eyes.

I felt myself tossed off as a massive creature stood up. I had been standing on it's face. I landed on the ground and splattered but my bubble body reformed. I walked along a barren desert... or wasteland. There was no sand. Just a freakishly feeling ground that was squishy.

My bubble body staggered around as I tried to walk. Suddenly a pointy spike popped one of the bubbles in my face, and a bunch of heart symbols spewed out. “Ahh... my bubbles... bubbles... my bubbles,” I moaned as I dropped and flailed around.

The spike kept popping bubbles and more hearts flew out of me. “Nah... no more hearts... NO MORE HEARTS!” I screamed as the hearts made a puddle beneath me and I fell through the ground. A creepy vulture looking beast with long dangly arms flew after me, its mouth stretching unrealistically wide. I screamed but my body was swallowed into its depths.

Creepy tentacles swarms in my vision as all the bubbles disappeared and I was left with my body... kind of. My body had turned into what looked like Play-Doh. One tentacle vein looking thing squiggled towards me and into my mouth. “BAHHH!” I yelled out and suddenly gushes of red dough stuff squirted out of my mouth along with my dough head being pulled off my body.

My head was rolled away and down some kind of smooth runway. Suddenly my head collided with some bowling pins, resulting in a Strike. The sound of bowling pins being knocked over boomed like thunder.

My head fell into the dark abyss behind the pins and continued to fall. As I fell, a dark light shone and lit everything up. Belladonna swung into view, being held by no one. The gun's slide racked back, then was released and the trigger was pulled. There was no audible gunshot but the slide blew back as a club symbol erupted out the front of the gun and a Spade projected out the barrel.

My body returned though it was just a black two dimensional form. I rolled to a crouched position and Belladonna flew to my hands. A red pony figure, also two dimensional, came into view. A set of two black eyes flashed along with a black fog, and out of its non existent mouth, spat a hail of icy cold cards.

The cards splashed against the left side of my face and froze it rigid. My hands were already bringing Belladonna up. She fired, a fume of clubs spewing out the end of the barrel like a muzzle flash as a spade shot out and collided with the red pony's chest. A bunch of black hearts spat out her chest. I fired a second shot which collided with her head, shattering it into a mess of diamonds.

The ground gave out from beneath me and I fell yet again. As I fell, my body returned to normal and a world came into view. 'You're a failure, a fucking failure!' yelled a hurtful voice, that struck me to the core. 'Just a fucking durr, that'll go nowhere in life.' It yelled again.

I began to hover above the world, my vision blurred with neon colors. 'What kind of poor excuse of a son are you?'

“Just let me explain!” I called back, though not through my own mouth.

'Shut the fuck up and go to bed,' the voice yelled.

"But I'm hungry..." I said timidly.

'I don't fucking care. Bed, NOW!' I felt cold rain splash against me, though it was salty like tears. My body began to shiver.

“But-” I began.

'But nothing! I said no goddammit!' the voice screamed.

“But you said if I-”

'I don't fucking care what I said...'

The world beneath me began to get closer and that's when I realized it... it was Earth... my home.

“I didn't do it, I swear!” I cried out. My head was jerked to the side as the sound of something metal striking flesh and bone sounded like a gong, echoing in my mind.

'Don't fucking lie you little shit!' the voice screamed.

The world got closer and as it did, I saw my old home in the middle of the forest. But as I got closer, I started to get pulled away.

“I don't want to go to the city!” I cried out.

'I don't fucking care. You're coming with me and that's final!'

My body was suddenly jerked away and the view of my old home was torn away as I was pulled over the view of a large city. I now flew dangerously close to the ground. “GAHHH!” I screamed. Just before I hit the ground, a pair of arms wrapped under my armpits and lifted me up. They were strong arms.

I turned my head so I could see over my shoulder. It was Derreck, keeping my from hitting the ground... keeping me from hitting the absolute lowest point...

'Get the fuck out and don't come back until dinner time.' The door slammed in my face and was followed by the audible click of a door being locked.

'You fucking little shit! Where the fuck were you?!'

Derreck held me up high and the next thing I knew, I was back at my old home, in the country. 'Is that the best you can do? Huh?! You'll never go anywhere! You're going to be a fucking deadbeat just like your father!'

Suddenly Derreck released me and I fell downwards and towards the world bellow which seemed to grow increasingly darker with each passing moment. There was a lot of yelling, roaring, pain, anguish... my head throbbed and pounded, red outlines around my vision thumped along with my heartbeat.

'You're fucking nothing!' My eye clenched shut. 'Get over yourself cause you're just a fucking deadbeat and you'll never be anything more than that!'

I grabbed my head and roared loudly as my head began to pound. Suddenly, just before I could hit the ground, a pair of hooves wrapped around me, cradling me gently. A crazy warp tunnel thing appeared and I fell into it, but the hooves guided my path.

Suddenly my body felt... warm. No longer damp or cold... no longer shivering. The darkness had faded and was replaced by a light. I put on a pair of sunglasses at first to turn the light of this beautiful new world into the darkness of my old world I was used to.

“This place is so fucking gay,” I heard myself say out loud. “That's fucking stupid,” I said again, rather harshly. After a little while longer of saying hurtful things about this world... my body became really warm. I took off my sunglasses and tossed them away, embracing the full warmth and beauty of the world.

'I love you... son,' said a warm voice.

'Wow! That's terrific! I'm so proud of you!' said the voice again.

'I'll always be there for you,' it continued. Tears rolled out my eyes but... there weren't cold, or hurtful like before... no, there were warm and... cozy. The pony holding me nestled its muzzle into my neck. 'I'll always love you,' she whispered. She gently brought me down. My body somehow slipped right through solid matter, right through the roof of a pony dwelling and slammed me into a bed.

My world faded into darkness. After a short while, a gleaming light shone in the darkness. It grew closer and closer until I realized it was a skull, the one from my shirt which had been transformed somehow.

A dark figure stepped forwards, the skull on the chest of his black clad uniform. “I'll always have your back,” said a deep voice before the light of the skull overtook me.

I awoke with a gasp, the light shining through the nearby window blinding me. “AHHHH! GAHHH! CELESTIA!” I screamed out loud as my legs and arms flailed. I ended up falling off whatever it was I was lying on.

I leapt up but was struck by a pain in my mouth, specifically on the right side. I noticed that part of my mouth had some kinda cotton or gauze in it. I went to pull it out but a voice called out. “WAIT! HOLD ON!” the voice screamed.

I stopped and looked. Minuette was standing there, no longer wearing her dentist apparel. Well... like most ponies in this town, she wasn't wearing anything at all but I'd become accustomed to that.

“Don't remove that gauze for at least another half hour...” she trailed off and let out a deep exhale. “Well then... look who's up, sleeping beauty,” she mentioned and I blinked then swallowed, the aftertaste of blood in my throat.

I noticed it was a bit drafty. All I had on was my boxers. “What did yah do tah me?” I asked, my voice muffled by the gauze.

“Well... I cast a... I think it was a analgesic spell... and you tore your clothes off and started speaking random things... I had to restrain you to remove your tooth since I was already partly done. I was going to give you a dose of pain killer but... well, I respected my agreement with you not to use needles and I didn't want to use another spell so... that's why there's a bit of pain.”

I rubbed the sore side of my face as she levitated over a folded piece of clothing. “Here. I cleaned your laundry for you too. Hope you don't mind,” she said and I nodded. I slipped my pants and socks back on and pulled out my wallet. She waved her hoof.

“Oh, it's okay. Really. It was my pleasure. I love do dentistry work but... well, most ponies think I'd be a terrible dentist.” She looked to her flank, namely her cutie mark.

I pulled out three Luna bits and handed them over. “For your time and the resources then,” I said with a nod and she simply smiled.

“Okay... and make sure to come back every now and then for a proper cleaning. And make sure to floss regularly,” she mentioned and I nodded as I put on my boots. Even my watch and necklace had come off.

I was about to leave and she stopped me. “Oh and... I take it you like to exercise but for the next... say twenty four hours, you have to try and take it easy. Anything physically strenuous will cause that cut to open up again. No exercise, no sports, nothing. Not even a light jog. And try not to eat anything solid. Mostly just liquids. And nothing too hot either,” she said and I nodded.

“Oh... and I know it might not seem like it's exercise but... no... uhm... well, you know,” she said and I cocked an eyebrow.

“No... what?” I asked. She rubbed her hoof in circles on the floor.

“Well... you know... I know it feels good and everything but it can cause your cut to open up again,” she replied and I blinked. She opened her mouth as if to say something then just bit her lip. I scratched the side of my head. She let out a deep exhale. “Sexual intercourse...” she said timidly then blinked as I stared at her blankly. “No sex okay. It might not be the most physically exerting thing but... your cut would probably open up again. Just take it easy for a day. Lay on the couch, watch tv... okay?” she suggested and I just nodded.

“Okay... thanks doc,” I said, muffled from the gauze in my mouth. With that I was off and heading back home. I found it a little difficult to drive. Everything kind of blurred as I sped up so I stayed to the outskirts of town and away from pedestrians.

I finally arrived home and felt really tipsy. I looked in the rear view mirror of my truck and saw my face was rather pale. I shut off the truck but ended up leaving the keys in the ignition and the truck parked out front the library, rather than in the car shelter.

I stood up and stumbled inside. As I arrived through the front door, my mother came to greet me then stopped dead in her tracks. “E-Evan... you look terrible. What in Equestria happened?” she asked and I just nodded my head rather weakly.

“Had a tooth pulled,” I replied and staggered over to the couch before flopping down. I had felt fine when I woke up at the dentist's but now I was feeling pretty crumby. Spike came to my side with a glass of orange juice, pulp and all.

“Uhh... here,” he offered and I gave him a smile.

I gave him a pat on the head before removing the bloody gauze from my mouth. “Thanks kid... yer alright,” I said, taking the glass of orange juice and downing it thankfully. It tasted a little off due to the blood that mixed in with it, but it was pretty good none the less.

Lassie came to my side and laid there, sad eyes and quiet. It was the first time I had seen her like this. She wasn't talkative, wasn't overjoyed... she was just there, looking rather depressed. “I'll be okay Lassie,” I whispered, rubbing her head. I saw her heartfelt eyes look to and fro as she lay there.

My mother sat on the chair across from the couch. “What did she do to you?” she asked and I just shrugged.

“Pulled out a tooth... gave me a wild pain killer... spell,” I stated. I closed my eye and yawned. “Said to... to not... no sex... tch... ah-ha-ha... wouldn't say that at first either... no physical activity either,” I said, quietly and more of a weak mumble than anything.

Spike spoke up. “So... since he's sick, does that mean we can have popsicles?” Spike asked, Lassie's head perking up from the last part. Twilight gave him a stern look but I just nodded.

“Yeah kid... yeah, that sounds pretty good... maybe... get one for each of us... yeah?” I mumbled, eye still closed. After a few moments I thought I was going to pass out but I felt something cold press to my face. I cracked open my eye to see Lassie with a two popsicles, one for me and one for her. Spike and Twilight also had one. Lassie had a worried look on her face, one a dog has for their loved one.

I smiled faintly and took it from her with a nod. “Suppose it's... kinda weird seeing me like this... huh?” I smiled. Lassie nodded sadly.

“But you'll be better by tomorrow... right?” she asked surely and I smiled.

“Yeah... you bet,” I said reassuringly... or as reassuringly as one could while looking like I did. I licked the popsicle a few times before just sucking on it, to lazy to extend my tongue multiple times.

After a while I felt exhaustion begin to overtake me again. Everything seemed to zone out. “Hey guys...” I trailed off as I felt I was about to pass out. “I love you...” My world faded off and I slipped into nothingness...

Canterlot...

A dead stallion lay in the street in a puddle of his own cold blood. He wore the signature royal guard armor, specifically Celestia's royal guard. The golden armor was unscathed, save for some of his blood that had splattered on it.

A stallion in detective uniform knelt down, removing his fedora and using it like a fan. His brutally scared face was withered from a burn he had received some time ago. He used a pair of pliers to pick up a little piece of brass. The top of the cylinder was left open, with burnt powder residue on the inside.

On the bottom read '9mm'. He stood up and spoke to a fellow detective. “Always the same... always... I know it's her... it,” he said, his voice crispy and aged. Another detective, a mare, stepped up.

“Give it up Heartigan, you're paranoid,” she said and the stallion looked to her then pointed at his face.

“I've seen it, dammit. Seen it with my own goddess damned eyes. And it's the same every time. Small entry would. No witnesses, no evidence whatsoever except this... these little metal things... these. The buck do they mean, Keyes?” he asked, holding the brass cylinder with his pliers.

Keyes shrugged. “Maybe it's a puzzle... and anyway, the inspectors even said, it was an electrical fire. You were delusional from all the smoke inhalation,” Keyes stated but Heartigan just spat.

“Delusional my flank. I had it cornered... but she, it, outwitted me. Just like it's outwitting the entire goddess damned force!” he said, his voice still crispy but now annoyed. The mare took the brass casing.

With a sigh, she spoke. “I'll take this to forensics. See what they can pull up,” she said but again Heartigan was cross.

“You know as well as I do, they'll come up with the same crap they always do. Some kinda weird print they've never seen before but it matches all the other ones. Yet they can't trace it to anypony, or any gryphon, dragon, zebra, donkey... nothing. Zero, zilch, zip, nada...” he trailed off and Keyes just huffed.

“Would you rather bring it in?” she asked in a rather sarcastic tone, knowing the answer already. He just frowned at her and she smirked in an annoyed way. “Thought as much. Now stay out of my way... old stallion,” she spat and with that she was off.

Heartigan stayed at the crime scene, along with several other royal guard ponies and fellow officers. Under his breath, he muttered to himself. “Bitch.”

Author's Notes:

Fun story from real life. So I was backing out of my house in town and now that it's winter in Canada everyone parks on the side of the road even though the law tells you not to. Anyway, so I'm backing up through my yard and my truck is just puttering along through the snow but the very moment the tires touched pavement it caught traction and Cadence zipped back and across the street. Suddenly my truck jerked and I thought 'Shit, I just hit a snowbank' but as I was about to pull away I noticed that I had in fact backed into a van. So I looked around and saw no one was looking, shrugged and was like "Well, don't park on the side of the road" then drove away.