Ask the Swapped Ponies!

Round Twenty-Five: Many Questions From Kichi

Spoilers Up To Chapter 34

Question 1: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord:

As a God of Chaos… do you have red blood or your blood is different? Maybe your blood is strawberry jam, or maybe you don’t even need blood inside you.

DISCORD

Hmmm, let’s see- how many avatars or primal forces do you know?  Do you know how their biology works?  Think about it, kiddo; I’m pretty much made out of pure chaos and magic... not to mention style.   But as a God of Chaos, I don’t require blood to live; and for the most part, I get along quite nicely without it.

Discord pokes several holes in himself with a claw.

DISCORD

That said, there’s nothing I can’t do if I want.  I can bleed green, blue, chocolate-vanilla swirl, polka dots, creepy spiders, rubber ducks, Gak…

As he speaks, each hole spouts the mentioned colors, substances and objects.

DISCORD

The times I do have blood in me… usually, I’m either about to play a very ‘dark comedy’ kind of prank, or…  

An arrow, fired from a faraway bow, suddenly lodges itself in Discord’s midsection, and he bleeds red.  

DISTANT VOICE

Got him!  I’ve struck the beast!  

Several hearty CHEERS sound from afar.  Discord sighs while smiling and turns back to the readers.  

DISCORD

Let me explain this one.  See, there are mortals out there who still haven’t forgiven me for having once been a villain.  Mortals who fancy themselves ‘heroes,’ and are itching to prove it to the world by putting a Big Baddie in his grave.  As far as these ‘heroes’ are concerned, I’m just a ‘Medusa’ in need of decapitating, a ‘Goliath’ in need of a well-thrown rock between the eyes… you get the idea.  Heroes like that… I really love messing with their heads!    

As the band of heroes approach Discord, weapons ready, the draconequus feigns great agony, while clutching his bleeding arrow wound.

DISCORD

AAAH!!  OOOOH!!!  EEEEEE!!!!

HERO

(to his fellow heroes)

There!   You see?  The monster’s wounded!  If it bleeds, we can kill it!  

Discord drops a wink to the readers.  

Question 2: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord:

Between Aladdin’s genie and you... who is more powerful?

Out in the forest, Discord toys with Genie’s lamp, bouncing it on a tennis racquet without letting it hit the ground.  

DISCORD

Oh, me.  Very definitely me.  Why?  I don’t have his limits.  Let me count the ways.  

Above Discord, in the sky… a hungry hawk is about to swoop down on an rabbit, nibbling some clover. Discord points a finger at the hawk.  

DISCORD

One: I can kill if I want!

The hawk seems to perish of a heart attack in midair.  It falls to earth with a ghastly crunch, startling the rabbit.  

DISCORD

Two:  I don’t mind raising the dead!

The hawk rises back up… undead, its body grotesquely broken by the fall, its head twisted the wrong way upon its neck.  

DISCORD

Three: it’s completely within my power to make people fall in love with other people against their will.  

Suddenly dressed as Cupid, Discord shoots arrows with heart-shaped arrowheads at the hawk and the rabbit.  The arrows sink into their bodies.

The smitten animals gaze at one another with adoring eyes.  Chuckling, Discord turns from them, back to bouncing Genie’s lamp on his racquet.  

DISCORD

But most importantly... Four: I have absolutely no obligation whatsoever to grant ANYONE’S wish.  

(speaks to the Genie’s lamp)

Isn’t that right, my big blue friend?

GENIE

(from within lamp)

I wish you’d just STOP!  

Question 3: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

Who do you think is closer to how you imagine "the swap?" Terminator or Hal 3000?  After all it seems The Swap is 'programmed' to do what it does.

LERO

I guess if it had to come down to a strict choice between either the Terminator or HAL, I’d have to go with HAL.  Terminators exist to kill humans, HAL only resorted to murder when he couldn’t figure out any other way to obey his orders.  But my real answer would be ‘neither one.’  Because the Swap’s not really a murderous, uh, ‘force’ at all…  Well, except when someone snaps under the strain…  Which in that specific instance it’s like HAL…  but not generally.

Lero thinks a little bit.

LERO

Do you all remember that movie The Truman Show? The one with Jim Carrey?  If I had to compare The Swap to a movie villain, the closest one I can think of, off the top of my head, would be the one from The Truman Show: Christof.  

Question 4: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

What is your opinion about minotaurs?

Lero is walking alongside a familiar-looking minotaur, clearly in a minotaur metropolis.  The surrounding buildings are rough-hewn stone, with bulky stone and iron support.  The architecture is rough-looking, but sturdy, seeming made far more for function and durability than any concern for aesthetics.  

There tends to be multiple route everywhere, twisting passage, high bridges between multiple floors of buildings, and entrances to tunnels.  Oddly, most of it looks modular, as if it can all be taken apart and re-arranged at a moment's notice.  

All around, minotaurs young and old, go about their daily lives.  Most adults tower over Lero, and where their buildings lack flair, their clothing doesn’t.  Jewelry, bright hats, sashes, capes, and harnesses abound.  However, while loincloths, pants, kilts, sarongs, slacks, and pants are omnipresent, the clothing seems to be for utility and ornamentation, not modesty.  The only reason that Lero isn’t constantly blushing is that the females tend to have their chests covered by long hair; often braided or decorated with jewelry or ribbons.

LERO

Hey, everyone!  You remember Brass Knuckles, right?  About a year from now, I'm going on a sabbatical with the rest of Herd Bellerophon, where Brass Knuckles will help teach me a specially-designed martial art.

Brass Knuckles cracks his knuckles and grins.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Howdy, folks!

LERO

Brass invited me to show me around his hometown, since this is the place I'll be staying while I'm his pupil, and I took him up on it.  I’m glad I have him as a guide!  Minotaurs build their towns like labyrinths!

BRASS KNUCKLES

We’ve got great memories and sense of direction!  Besides, that’s why the griffons never conquer us: They keep getting lost when they try to take our cities!

LERO

...I thought that Minos and the Griffon Empire were at peace?

BRASS KNUCKLES

Oh, we are!  Just every couplea decades, we all get in the mood for a decent scrap, or get in an argument over who owns what, or some damn fool bull nearly breaks a griffon ambassador’s daughter in half during a night of passion, and we gotta beat the stuffin’ out of each other until it’s settled!

LERO

...Why do I get the impression that you’re not talking in hypotheticals?

BRASS KNUCKLES

We minotaurs don’t do anything in half measures!

LERO

Aheh.   Well, I respect minotaurs greatly!  There's a lot to admire about them.  They don't have innate magic like unicorns, nor mystic traditions like Griffons or Zebra, so they've primarily had to depend on technological developments.

BRASS KNUCKLES

We have wizards!  Good ones!

LERO

Er...  How exactly do you define 'good'?

BRASS KNUCKLES

They make people fall down!

The two pass what clearly appears to be a minotaur wizard -- robe and pointy hat and all- --attempting to cast a spell with his rune-etched horns.  However, he loses concentration, and the spell fizzles noisily.  Another minotaur watching laughs

HECKLER

You're a regular Twilight Sparkle, aren't ya?!

MINOTAUR WIZARD

(bellowing)

I CAST 'FIST!'

He hauls off and slugs the heckler, laying him out.

BRASS KNUCKLES

See?

LERO

...Fair enough, I guess.  But unlike ponies and many other races, they're not dependent on magic for their innovation, so their progress is remarkably similar to humans without the weird schizotech that ponies have… they're not the type to make video games without having invented television, for example.  So in many ways they closely resemble humans.  Hell, they even have a space program!

A nearby pair of minotaurs overhears Lero, and come over.

MINOTAUR #1

Yeah!  We were going to go to the moon!

MINOTAUR #2

And punch the Mare in the Moon RIGHT IN THE FACE!

MINOTAUR #1

Only the ponies beat us to it!

MINOTAUR #2

And they did it backwards, too!  They took the mare down here!

MINOTAUR #1

And punched her in the face with rainbows of all things!

The second minotaur frowns, turning to the first.

MINOTAUR #2

You have a problem with punching people with rainbows?

MINOTAUR #1

Yeah!  It's not fists or hooves!

MINOTAUR #2

Humph!  Well, some of us have an appreciation for creative punching!

MINOTAUR #1

What's so creative about punching with rainbows!?

MINOTAUR #2

Can you punch people with rainbows!?

MINOTAUR #1

I'll punch you with MY FACE!

The first minotaur headbutts the other, and the two stumble away, brawling.  Brass Knuckles looks unimpressed, as if this were an everyday thing.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Amateurs.

LERO

As you can see...  Generally speaking, they’re a strong, tough, boisterous, outgoing people, but have lots of kindness and heart at their core.  

Behind them, the two minotaurs have finished fighting, and are now nursing their bruises while sharing a beer from a streetside stand and laughing together.

LERO

(low undertone)

In many ways, they remind of Rainbow Dash… well… her OLD self.  Especially how much they tend toward risk-taking, thrillseeking, and being Daredevils.  

(regular volume)

Sometimes, I swear they don’t fear death.

BRASS KNUCKLES

We don’t!   We fear boring deaths!  I mean, what story would you rather have your grandkids hear?  The one where you died in a fiery explosion trying out a new experimental aircraft, or in your sleep, sick and frail from old age?  I know which one I’d want!

LERO

Personally, I plan to live forever.

BRASS KNUCKLES

HA!  Better brush up on your moves, kid, one of our calves could take off your head!

LERO

He’s joking - they treat non-minotaurs with respect…  Hell, a good chunk of the population is sentient goats.  There’s also a surprisingly large community of minorities living in their country; ponies, donkeys and zebra.

BRASS KNUCKLES

It’s considered unfathomably rude to throw the first punch against a non-minotaur.  We know most people aren’t as tough as us.

LERO

The first punch?

BRASS KNUCKLES

Hey, if you show you’re willing to scrap, we’re willing to oblige!  That's not to say we won't mock and insult you until you throw the first punch if we think you're particularly deserving of a thrashing.

LERO

One of their less endearing qualities, in my opinion.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Speaking of scraps, check it out.

Brass Knuckles points out a Minotaur cow leading her offspring through the marketplace: a brother and a sister.  Both calves are dressed up in a style Lero immediately recognizes; Stetson hats, leather vests, and boots with spurs - and they seem to be attempting to lasso and hogtie each other.

CALF BROTHER

Get back 'ere, ya low-down snake!

CALF SISTER

Ha!  Ya'll gotta be better'n THAT if ya wanta catch me, Sheriff Holstein!

LERO

Ha!  They're playing Cowboys!

BRASS KNUCKLES

Feel like a bit of practice?  They'd be right about your speed.

LERO

What!?  I'm not going to pick a fight with a child!

BRASS KNUCKLES

Don't worry, at your skill level, they probably won't beat you...  much.

LERO

No - look, their mother is right there.

BRASS KNUCKLES

So?  She'd find her kid beating you up hilarious.

LERO

Look, Brass, I know you're trying to give me actual fight experience, but I'm not going to go around picking fights with small children, even if it's a "fair fight," ok?

BRASS KNUCKLES

Fair enough.

LERO

I suppose that that’s a good enough reason to talk about the cows, and minotaur views on gender.   Females are just as tough, aggressive, and daring as males.  They’re just as likely to start or get into fight as the males - including with males.  A cow would beat the crap out of you if you suggested she was inherently weaker than a bull.

BRASS KNUCKLES

And beat the crap back into you by suggesting they’re inherently superior than males.  There’s nothing more insulting to a minotaur than implying they have position or prestige that they’ve not earned.

LERO

The concept of “Women’s work” or suchlike pretty much begins at conception, and ends at the calf being weaned.  In pretty much everything else, Bulls and Cows are equal, doing the same work, wearing similar clothes, fighting just as hard.  Pretty much the only time there’s an exception is when a cow is with calf.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Heh, they love it.  They can punch anyone, and no one will punch them back!  And then they blame it on mood swings.

LERO

Minotaur government is an odd mixture of meritocracy and “might makes right” philosophy.  Being able to beat someone in a fight is important, and establishes hierarchy, but being skilled is very important, too.

BRASS KNUCKLES

A Minotaur leader better be good at what he does, unless he thinks he can whip every single one of his constituents at once.

LERO

Because of this, their government’s pretty decent to its citizens…  Because they know that their citizens won’t hesitate a second to start punching them if they start acting abusive.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Darn’ tootin’!  Because of that, we’ve got a bit of a reputation for civil wars - more really big brawls, really.  But they’ve been happening less; people tend to learn when you teach them the same lesson often enough.

LERO

On the note of history, I find I’m a bit of a legend here.  While Minotaurs have long accepted evolution as a science, there's still a legends of a humanoid creature that was a progenitor of the minotaurs.  They called it 'The Minoan,' which I find historically appropriate.

BRASS KNUCKLES

You’re a spitting image of him!

LERO

They got the ears and nose wrong, though.  And the myth of him having… sired the minotaurs with the sentient four-legged cows of this world is… awkward.

BRASS KNUCKLES

HA!  Too much dame for you to handle?

LERO

I’m more worried about the actual minotaur ladies…  There’s an rumor going around, based on the myth, that I can sire children with them, and that the children will be… well, “More Minoan.”  Apparently, the legend says he was an exemplar in many ways.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Speaking of, there’s a gaggle of lovelies over there making eyes at you…

A trio of young minotaur cows pose for Lero when he looks, winking or blowing kisses as he stares, their skimpy outfits and provocative makeup and jewelry leaving even less to the imagination than normal for a minotaur.

BRASS KNUCKLES

So, how about it?  Feel like trying the local flavor?

LERO

I’ll…  pass.  I’m not one for one-night stands, and I’m not interested in expanding my herd at this time, thanks.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Suit yourself.

LERO

But, for all their faults and extremes, minotaurs are a good people.  I imagine if I’d been ‘adopted’ into a minotaur community instead of a pony one, I could have had just as happy a life!

BRASS KNUCKLES

I’m still disappointed you passed up on live practice of your fighting.  I’d love for you to be skilled enough, by the time we begin your training , for me to fight you without holding back.

LERO

I doubt that will happen.  I’ve seen you punch boulders in half.

BRASS KNUCKLES

That’swhyyouDOOOOOOODGE!!!

Lero manages to get out a confused, “Wait, what?” before the Minotaur’s punch strikes him and flings him across the street - and into the eager arms of the minotaur cows, who begin hugging him and showering him with kisses.  Brass Knuckles sighs.

BRASS KNUCKLES

Boy needs work.

Question 5: Kichi Asks:

Dear Celestia:

Why is Twilight’s mother on the exception list, but not Princess Cadence? She was Twilight’s foalsitter and is the Princess of Love, she could help Twilight when she’s feeling stressed, and act as like a big sister in times that you, Princess Celestia, can't help her.

PRINCESS CELESTIA

There were a couple of reasons we didn’t go with Cadence.  First, Cadence spends most of her time in the Crystal Empire.  She’s far away, so her availability to help Twilight by playing the ‘big sister’ would be scarce, indeed.  But, more importantly, she’s a princess with lots of political clout.  

She sighs.  

PRINCESS CELESTIA

There’s no guarantee that Cadence would understand the necessity of correcting Starswirl’s unfinished spell... or especially Discord’s Bewitchment... any more than Star Sparkle did.  And in contrast to Star Sparkle, princesses in charge of powerful foreign nations can be… disruptive… in ways that ordinary citizens can’t.  

Question 6: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

After too many "False Human" sightings... Did you consider asking Celestia to make some kind of law to stop that?  

LERO

N… no.  I mean, yeah, the whole situation with all the fake human sightings really stinks for me… but I’ve never wanted to have Celestia do anything to prohibit it.  Speaking personally, I’d rather have everypony free to ‘cry wolf’ a thousand times over, than to risk just ONE instance where another human like Gus Wainwright escapes into Equestria from that other world… and the ponies who discover that person are somehow legally prevented from spreading the word and getting him help.  Besides, me and the rest of my herd have started getting better at picking out the liars.

He opens a tabloid rag: SCUBA DIVERS ENCOUNTER AQUATIC HUMANS LIVING IN DEEP-SEA GROTTO!

LERO

It’s not like they’re very good at it.  

Question 7: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord:

What are you going to do if after 20 years, Fluttershy doesn't return to normal?

DISCORD

By THAT point, I intend to have fully befriended ‘Fluttershy the Party Queen,’ so she and I will be ‘besties’ just as much as me and Rainbow the Animal Trainer currently are!  I mean… come on!  A Fluttershy who’s outgoing, tells jokes and pranks?  If that’s not a win-win, I don’t know WHAT is!  

Question 8: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

Let's say suddenly the Cutie Mark Crusaders appear at your door and ask to enter your herd, What is your reaction?

LERO

To let those three little girls down gently.  

KICHI

(Of course that is only a joke; someone make them participate)

LERO

(unamused)

Then I’d also have the Crusaders tell the person who put them up to it that what they did wasn’t very funny.  Love is serious business.

Cut to the Cutie Mark Crusaders in their clubhouse.  The Crusaders have made many crude felt dolls in the likenesses of several different neighbors, including Rarity, Twilight, Derpy Hooves, Lero, Cheerilee and more.

SWEETIE BELLE

Wait, wait, I got it!  Let’s put Applejack with Big Mac!

SCOOTALOO

HAH!  Can you picture that?  That prissy mare coming to work on a farm?

APPLE BLOOM

Ah... dunno.  

SCOOTALOO

Huh?  Why not?  

APPLE BLOOM

Welp, Mac’s… Mac’s had his eye on Miz Applejack in the past.  Dunno if he still does now… he might!  

SCOOTALOO & SWEETIE BELLE

Oooooooooh!

APPLE BLOOM

But ta me… somethin’ jest seems wrong about putting them two together, beyond jest city gal and country guy!  How about Mayor Mare with Big Mac?  

SCOOTALOO

Eh, I guess that’d still be funny.

SWEETIE BELLE

Wait!  Even better idea!  Lero should herd up with…

She picks up Lero’s doll and moves it towards the three Crusader dolls...

SWEETIE BELLE

...Thunderlane, Rumble, AND Bulk Biceps!  

...passing the Crusaders, and putting the human over by the dolls of Thunderlane, Rumble and Bulk Biceps.  

SCOOTALOO

Whoa… Rarity would FLIP if that were to happen.  Absolutely FLIP.

(beat)

Aw, what the hay, let’s do it!  

ALL CRUSADERS

Yay!  

Sweetie starts throwing confetti while Scootaloo and Apple Bloom move the four chosen dolls towards a toy altar.

ALL CRUSADERS

(singing)

Here come the grooms...

Question 9: Kichi Asks:

Dear Honeydew:

Did you think about including the Great and Powerful Trixie in your plans to take care of the monkey?

PRE-CHAPTER 33 HONEYDEW

On two separate instances, the ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ sought to prove herself superior to Twilight Sparkle… and lost.  I cannot afford losers in my anti-human campaign.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(coldly)

Which was why you teamed up with a bunch of thugs and lowlifes.

HONEYDEW

Naturally!  

(beat)

Wait...

Question 10: Kichi Asks:

Dear Twilight:  

What does Celestia do in estrus? After all, she is the Co-Monarch of Equestria, and can't show weakness, but at the same time she can't leave her dear subjects alone in estrus.

Twilight blushes deeply.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

This is, uh, a bit of a delicate subject, and the only reason I know as much as I do is my closeness with the Princess - d-don’t go spreading this around, please?  First…  Princess Celestia participates in estrus, like any other mare.  It’s natural and normal, like any other part of biology.  It’s only a ‘weakness’ in the same sense that, say, your need to eat, sleep, breathe, or eliminate bodily waste is.

She clears her throat.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

That said…  It seems to be a quirk of Alicorn biology in that they go into estrus far less often than normal ponies.  Celestia theorizes it’s in response to their vastly extended lifespan, but there’s too little data to be sure.  So she has much longer to plan for it, so she makes preparations to ensure that her governance is not disrupted when she feels the urge.

She coughs.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I can guess where this line of questioning would go next:  No, Celestia and I have never shared a heat together.  We’ve never been cooler buddies.  Our relationship isn’t like that.  We love each other, but not as herdsisters.  And the next logical question: so who DOES Celestia share her heats with?

Twilight sighs, thinking whether or not she should even answer this.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Perhaps…  That’s too narrow a question.  Maybe a better question is…  ‘Who does Celestia share her life with?’ Or perhaps even better, ‘Who does Celestia share her heart with?’  Celestia’s not a machine to raise and lower the sun.  She loves like anyone else, and has a need for physical affection and intimacy.  And no, she doesn’t resort to ‘comfort horses’ or, say, concubines or a harem.   The answer is simple:  She’s taken consorts, who, logically, assist in her estrus in the rare moments it comes.

Twilight idly gestures as she continues.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Of course, it’s reasonable to ask “Why haven’t I heard of such obviously prestigious mares and stallions?” Well…  It’s not a public, official position anymore.  In the very early days, it was, and, then, as now, there are despicable ponies out there who’ve tried to bed Celestia in the hopes of scoring some political gain from it, or for their own vanity, or even to try and assassinate her.  In the past, some of the ponies she’s shared heats with have gone on to cause scandal and even damaged our standing with other nations.  It’s well-documented in our history…  for posterity.  Usually after the fact.  All the better to hide their identities while still alive.

She levitates up a large book up for the readers to see: The Complete Compendium Of All Celestia’s Lovers Throughout The Ages, (76st Edition) by The Eternally Watchful Order Of Sol de Amore.

It looks like a very new and up-to-date edition.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

… but, well, she’s had over a thousand years to learn from her mistakes.  Discretion is the watchword of the day.  Celestia’s always very careful who she picks. She tries her best to partner with ponies who’re thoroughly honorable and kindhearted and come from good families.  She’s managed to arrange her time with her consort in such a way that no one ever notices them gone, and no one ever makes a connection between the two.  Of course you might ask, what of children?  Well… Estrus happens so rarely that, well, that almost never happens.  And when it does, well… Celestia's a responsible soul, and she takes on the foal's sire as her husband… but suffice it to say that Celestia’s outlived all the children she’s ever had.  AND all their descendants!  She’s given birth to pegasi and unicorns, but never alicorns like her… as much as everypony would wish otherwise.  I remember her telling me that she’ll need a lot more time before she’s ready to try being a mother again.

Twilight hangs her head sympathetically.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Celestia’s adapted to her state.  How did she put it?  “One must never hold onto love so hard that you crush the joy from it, fearing the moment it is taken from you.  Rather, Enjoy the now, live every moment of love to it’s fullest.  and when your love leaves to start of family, or their life takes them down paths away from you, you can wish them a fond farewell, and be left with happy memories.”  And… I think that’s all there is that needs to be said about that.

Question 11: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

If you could ask Discord to duplicate one physical thing from earth... What would it be? (Something concrete, as in maybe a computer, some books, a house, etc. not an abstract concept like as "technology" or "sense of nudity" or "Democracy.")

Lero’s sitting next to Twilight, who’s reading a book.  He thinks long and hard about his answer.  Finally, he says...

LERO

If I could pick just one thing for Discord to duplicate in Equestria… it’d have to be the Library of Congress.

Twilight Sparkle puts down the book she’s reading, looking at Lero with mild approval.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

A library, hmm?

LERO

(bragging)

Not just any library, Twilight: the Library Of Congress is nothing less than THE biggest library on Earth!  It contains MILLIONS of books on every subject, fiction and nonfiction… practically every single book the human race has ever written!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Millions…?

Twilight draws in an awed gasp.

LERO

The entire written history of our race, the good... and the bad, so ponies can understand us at our best, and our worst.  Everything ponies have asked me about humanity that I haven’t been able to adequately explain: every time they’ve asked me stuff about the human body and I found myself wishing I was a doctor… every time they’ve asked me stuff about human technology and I found myself wishing I was an engineer… well, there’s nothing from Earth that I wouldn’t want to share with the good people of Equestria, and the books in the Library of Congress would give them ALL the answers.  

Twilight throws herself into Lero’s arms and starts kissing him passionately… like a girlfriend whose boyfriend had just given her a Mercedes Benz.

LERO

Ha ha!  Ah, but it’s only a pipe dream, Twilight, just wishful thinking.  Not like Discord’s gonna actually DO it for me…

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I don’t even care!  It’s just so romantic of you, Lero…

Question 12: Kichi Asks:

Dear Celestia:

Think you can use the Appollion cannon as a source of energy instead of a weapon?

PRINCESS CELESTIA

Perhaps… I need to apprehend the confusion of ideas that provoked such a question.   First, to be clear:  The Appolion Cannon itself generates no energy.  None.  However, The Sun is a huge, magical power plant that is literally the biggest source of energy anywhere in Equestria’s system.  It literally is the source of all energy and magic on Equestria.  It’s hard to ask for more than that in terms of energy generation.  All the Appollion Cannon does is focus the awesome power-generating capabilities of the sun into a single, focused blast of devastating power.  So, no, it can not.

Question 13: Kichi Asks:

Dear Luna:

In round twenty-two you say the moon is a nexus between worlds, then as Nightmare Moon, did you use it to travel between worlds?

PRINCESS LUNA

You are correct!  To travel from the surface of the moon to the surface of Equestria is a LONG way to teleport, even for an alicorn!

Question 14: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

Between Iron Will and Bulk Biceps, if you had to choose one to add to the herd... who would it be?

LERO

(Annoyed)

Well, between the two of them, they’re both loud and annoying.  If I had to chose strictly on that basis alone, I’d go with Iron Will; At least he’s not always “On.” But on the basis of actually helping the herd, I suppose it would HAVE to be Bulk Biceps.  Minotaurs can’t impregnate pony mares any more than humans can.  

(sighs, reluctant approval)

And that said. there is something to be said about a guy like Bulk Biceps who’s able to make friends with a girl Fluttershy and make her feel happy and comfortable around him despite being huge and LOUD.

Question 15: Kichi Asks:

Dear Twilight:

If you do not find a cure after twenty years, would you think of asking to Discord to bewitch you?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

No.  Not in twenty years, not in a million.  I remember Spike describing what it was like when Discord almost bewitched him… it sounded unbelievably creepy.  I mean, intentionally removing information from my mind? Are you insane?  Besides, well… the idea of failing at a cure altogether...  

She looks over at a picture of Herd Bellerophon with the Swapped Rainbow Dash and Rarity.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Looking at the the bright side of the matter… the lovely relationship I’m developing with my Swapped friends and herdmates is all the more precious BECAUSE of the truth they’d forgotten: that it hasn’t always been this way.  That it was a struggle.  Coming to accept them, coming to love them, helping them adjust to their new lives… I’d never want such memories altered.  

(hangs her head)

But, looking at the dark side of the matter… I don’t deserve to just blithely forget my life’s greatest shame, and the worst injustice I’ve ever inflicted on my friends.  

Question 16: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord:

Let's say the Fae begin to attack Equestria.  Not just the weak ones, but the truly powerful one... Would you try and save Equestria or you stay hidden with popcorn and watch the battle?

DISCORD

If it ever reached a point where there was open war between the Fae and Equestria… it would be a great time to leave the popcorn unpopped and get my hiney off the couch.  Equestria’s MY playground; they can’t just come in and take it!  Besides, Fluttershy lives here.  I’ll be DAMNED if I let them do to her what they did to Lero!

KISHI  

Could you snap your fingers and close every portal easy?

DISCORD

I could!

Discord snaps his fingers… and, indeed all the portals into Equestria close.

DISCORD

Problem is… every one of True Fae is just as powerful as me!   And I’m just one draconequus, while they’re an entire race.

Twelve times as many portals rip open.

Question 17: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord,

In a one-on-one fight between you and "The Lady" that took place in a neutral zone like the moon or the middle of space, who could win? And how hard would it be?

DISCORD

I’ll be honest, folks, this ‘Lady’ isn’t a personal acquaintance of mine… everything I know about her comes from eavesdropping on Lero invisibly.  Oh, I’ve visited the Fae Realms a few times, and I know what Fae are… just haven’t encountered her, personally, yet...  Ought to look her up and say ‘hi,’ at some point.  But I digress, don’t I?

Discord smirks.  

DISCORD

Well… knowing what I know of Fae in general, if this throwdown were being held on The Lady’s home turf, it’d be one story.  But anywhere else… even in a NEUTRAL zone… heh heh heh… all I’d need to do is simply transform myself into a cold-iron iron maiden, snap myself shut upon her, and… BANG!    Discord wins again!  

Question 18: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero:

How is the Equestrian version of "Back to the Future"? Do they use a car or a carriage?

Lero grins in great pride.

LERO

Back To The Future: Equestrian Edition is pretty damn awesome, if I do say so myself!  God, the stories I could tell about that adaption… Where to begin? Yeah, the car, that’s first.  It is a real car, not a carriage.  These guys were determined to make a MIND-BLOWING sci-fi masterpiece… so they were as jazzed about this time-travelling flying car as they’d be about a spaceship.  It looks EVEN COOLER than the human version.  Even though I did my best to describe the Delorean, they still needed a lot of imagination to fill in the blanks… it’s quite a sight!  Though the movie needed to add in an extra scene where the Marty McFly character had to be taught the basics… you know, steering wheel, gas pedal, brakes… it’s worth seeing the movie just to watch a pony drive a car.

Lero opens a door to a special room of Golden Oaks Library, filled with memorabilia from different movies he helped bring to Equestria.  Alien: Equestria Edition, Shaun Of The Dead: Equestrian Edition...

He smiles at a poster of Back To The Future: Equestrian Edition.

LERO

And speaking of the Marty McFly character… I really FOUGHT to keep the scriptwriters from changing him into a mare.  REALLY insisted he stay male.  I mean, in Equestrian movies, all the GOOD parts go to the mares… and seeing such an icon as Marty McFly changed to a girl would just ruin it for me.  It’d feel like a disgusting theft… they just had to steal his manhood from him.   But later, the filmmakers admitted it was a good call: they picked a very popular actor to play Marty, and Back To The Future’s got quite a large female fanbase.  

(regretfully)

But pretty much all the rest of the cast?  Sex change.  The Doc Brown character’s female, the Biff Tannen character’s female… even the school principal’s female… I did what I could, folks.

There’s a picture of Lero in a group photo with the primary cast members of Back To The Future: Equestrian Edition; The 'Doc Brown,' character, the 'Biff' character, Marty's parents, and Marty, himself, who had an arm slung chummily around Lero’s shoulder.  Everyone’s grinning.  All the cast members have signed their names on this photo.  Marty’s even left something extra next to his signature:

You’re a great guy, Lero!  We can’t wait for BTTF Part 2.  

LERO

What else, what else… they did name changes, of course… ‘pony’ names.  I never would’ve learned that a ‘martin’ is a type of real-life bird before they changed ‘Marty McFly’ to ‘Flying Martin’… he’s still called ‘Marty’ though.  Played by a pegasus, as you’ve probably guessed.  Doc Brown’s still called ‘Doc Brown,’ though her full name is something like ‘Brown Bread.’  ‘Biff Tannen’ is ‘Buff Tanner,’ real butch lady.  I think their ‘Jennifer’ is called ‘Jamboree,’ ‘George McFly’ is now ‘Jordan Almond,’ ‘Lorraine’ is now ‘Lorry,’ like the British cart, oh, and Doc Brown’s still got an adorable large dog, only instead of ‘Einstein,’ he’s called ‘Starswirl.’

Lero gives a brief shudder.

LERO

Just a creepy coincidence, I assure you all.  We finalized the script LONG before all this business with the Swap.  

(coughs)

Anyway… because ponies are polygamous, a few other changes needed to be made.  Marty the pegasus starts off have two extra parents, and a a few siblings more than his human counterpart.  Although they make Jordan and Lorry the founding members of their herd, kinda like me and Rainbow Dash, so the plot could focus on them.  When Marty goes back in time and Lorry falls in love with him instead of his dad… well, with Equestria’s gender ratio situation, ‘Jordan Almond,’ was never in any danger of staying single forever like ‘George McFly’ was, (though they’re both big geeks)… so there’s this extra subplot where Marty’s having to deal with Jordan’s other suitors for the big school dance.

He picks up a set of film reels: It’s a copy of Back To The Future one would use in a movie projector.    

LERO

All in all, it’s a pretty cool adaption, and I had loads of fun watching it when it came out in theaters!  You should give it a look if you’re ever in Equestria!  

Question 19: Kichi Asks:

Dear Lero or Twilight:

Let's say Lero had managed to make RD pregnant before the swap.  What would Dash The Caretaker's memories be about who her foal's father is?

Welcome to Alternate Universe #DR23-1P96♠35, one of the ones where Twilight Sparkle managed to find a way for Lero to impregnate herself and her herd sisters before ‘The Swap’ came into the picture.  

The Lero from this version of reality is with Rainbow Dash at her cottage, at a point in time before he has helped her find equilibrium.  So far, the only truly major discrepancy between this world and Divided Rainbow is that here, Rainbow Dash is six months pregnant.  

LERO

(telling Rainbow Dash a joke)

And so then the plumber says, “Handle her?  I barely KNOW her!”

Rainbow Dash and Lero both laugh together, but then she suddenly groans in pain.

RAINBOW DASH

Urrggh!

LERO

Dash!

He helps her to the couch.

RAINBOW DASH

I’m okay, Lero, I’m okay.  Just the foal kicking.  

(she makes a bitter noise)

I didn’t need this.

The human gives several light strokes to Dash’s bulging stomach, and to the little one within.  His child, as much as Dash’s.

RAINBOW DASH

I didn’t need this foal, on top of everything else that’s gone wrong.  

LERO

(very hesitantly)

May I ask a question, Dash?  Who’s the father?  Can you tell me that?

Rainbow Dash falls silent, looking away.

LERO

I’m sorry.  That’s a personal question, and you shouldn’t…

RAINBOW DASH

There’s a part of me that never wants ANYONE to know, not even you.  Another part’s been dying to tell SOMEONE.  If I tell you, will you absolutely promise me that you’ll keep it to yourself?

LERO

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

It’s still a long time before Rainbow Dash can bring herself to speak.

RAINBOW DASH

It was about six months ago.  There was a family of bats that I needed to help.  It was past midnight by the time I finally came back home.  I was thirsty, so I went to my refrigerator to get a drink and…

(winces)

He’d booby-trapped my refrigerator.  I heard a wire snap when I opened the door… and saw the broken wire later.  Something he’d put inside blew a thick cloud of smelly, yellowish smoke in my face; I breathed a lot of it in.  I stumbled about the room in a daze.  That gas completely messed with my head.  I could hear smells.  I could see sounds.  Blurred colors was the whole world.  My body was weak and limp and I couldn’t move at all.

But then I felt… HIM come up behind me, from whenever he’d been hiding.  Felt him come INTO me...

Lero listens in horror.

RAINBOW DASH

He never spoke a word.  I never saw his face.  I couldn’t even tell you if he was a unicorn, pegasus, or Earth pony.  I couldn’t even turn my neck around, and even if I could, the world was just a fog of crazy colors: there were no actual shapes.  THAT was my foal’s father.  

Lero cannot bring himself to respond.

RAINBOW DASH

Please, please, PLEASE, don’t tell ANYPONY the truth!  Not Twilight or any of my other friends, and ESPECIALLY not the police!  It’s so shameful… I’m already such a hoofmat… and mares are supposed to be the dominant ones.  When I absolutely MUST talk about the father, I tell ponies that it was a ‘one night stand’ at a bar.

LERO

Even though you don’t like drinking.  

RAINBOW DASH

Even though I don’t like drinking.

LERO

I’m… all things considered… I’m shocked that you’re KEEPING him!

RAINBOW DASH

The father may be a monster, but he’s an innocent infant.   And I won’t give him away, either.  I’ll raise him right.  Besides…

Rainbow Dash looks around at all the disobedient animals idly chewing up the room and making messes around her and gives a hollow laugh.

RAINBOW DASH

What kind of hypocrite would I be, if I could take all THESE nasty little brutes, but not my own flesh and blood?!  How could I call myself ‘Element of Kindness?’

Lero is dumbstruck.

RAINBOW DASH

Hey, um, Lero?  Didn’t… uh, didn’t Twilight make some sort of spell that’d allow you to father foals?  

LERO

You… remember that?  

RAINBOW DASH

It just came back to my mind, very suddenly, for some reason.  I remember Twilight was very happy about it, she told me and all her other friends all about it.  

Unconsciously, Dash begins rubbing her belly.

RAINBOW DASH

I’m surprised you haven’t used it yet, Lero!  You ought to.  Your foal will have a terrific father, which is more than I can say for mine.  I mean, wouldn’t it be great if, someday, your foal and mine grew up to be best friends?  

LERO

Excuse me… I need the bathroom.

He retreats into the cottage bathroom, sits on the toilet and begins to cry softly.

LERO

(soft whisper)

Mr. Swap… you’re a BASTARD.  A real evil BASTARD.

Question 20: Kichi Asks:

Dear Discord:

Remember when you said you were going to punish Spike... Did you think about throw him in a Silent Hill dimension for a while?

Spike’s wandering through a extremely dark and decrepit hospital corridor.  WAY too many cobwebs are all over this place.  Spike wears a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, much like Lero’s.  A clippable flashlight is clipped to the upper pocket of Spike’s shirt, providing feeble light.

As Spike looks down the corridor and all the doors along its sides he pulls out a map of the hospital out of his pocket.

SPIKE

(sour grumble)

Now let’s see…

He tries going through the nearest door, Room M21.  But the lock’s jammed.

SPIKE

Of course.

Spike pulls out the red pen which all Silent Hill protagonists carry with them, (even if their inventories neglect to mention this,) and draws an X over the M21 door on his hospital map.

Then Spike goes over to Room M22.  Its door is stuck.  Same with M23, M24, and M25.  

SPIKE

Naturally.

Spike marks these on his hospital map as well.  Abandoned though this hospital is, unsettling noises permeate the background; skittering, slurping, distance screams.  He shudders.  

Spike tries venturing further down the cobwebbed corridor, only to find it opens into a yawning chasm midway through.   The dragon only looks upward towards the ceiling contemptuously… the way a hardened prison inmate might sneer up at a security camera.  

SPIKE

Like I wasn’t expecting you to pull something like this again!

Again he pulls out his map, and sketches in a crude drawing of a chasm over the appropriate area on his map.

It should be noted that other sections upon this map show parts of the hospital which Spike has already explored earlier.  About 85% of all the doors the map shows have red no-go Xs over them.  Practically every long hallway has some kind of large impenetrable obstruction or chasm planted midway through it, forcing him to take unlikely detours.  

Suddenly… some object in Spike’s pocket turns itself on and starts playing music.

SPIKE

Huh…?  Radio?

Indeed, Spike is not without his standard-issue Silent Hill protagonist radio.  For all of three seconds, it plays Journey’s Separate Ways before the music finds itself competing with white noise static.  Increasingly loud static.  

SPIKE

Crud!  

Spike looks up at the murderous monster approaching him.  

What Spike sees is a female minotaur nurse.  Next to a small guy like Spike, especially, she is a towering giantess.  Her low-cut uniform hugs her body in a very flattering way.  She would be beautiful, (as far as minotaurs go)... except that she has a blubbery cancerous mass where her face should be.  

The nurse’s whole body twitches and convulses spastically.  With each surprisingly fast herky-jerky step she takes, the static noise from Spike’s radio builds and builds to a nerve-wracking whine.  Her hand clutches an IV drip stand.  Spike tries to dodge away from her, but she’s a quick thing, striking Spike powerfully across the face with her iron pole, then kicking him in the stomach.  

Growling, Spike draws out his weapon: a length of rusty steel pipe.  To a kid of his size, it’s as good as a metal baseball bat.  This time, he parries the nurse’s next swipe with his pipe, then brings his weapon crashing into the nurse’s kneecaps, again and again, until they shatter and she falls.  

As the nurse twitches even more violently on the floor.  Spike draws in a long, hot breath and breath out a stream of fire all over the monster’s body, until it stops moving and his radio silences itself.  

SPIKE

Owww… ooohh….

The nurse did quite some damage on his body.  Spike pulls out yet another item from his inventory: a plastic bottle labeled ‘Health Drink.’  He quaffs it down, then pauses to consider the aftertaste.  

SPIKE

(identifying the drink’s taste)

Hmmm… spinach… leeks… ginger… and cauliflower.  

(frowns at the empty bottle)

Least it ain’t parsnip and turmeric juice again.

He throws the empty bottle into the canyon, and continues testing the doors, until he finally comes upon an unusual one.  Although it’s locked, it doesn’t have a keyhole and words are written on it:

SPIKE

(reading from the door)

My stem’s planted firmly where I am allotted.

My tail is wavy and my face is quite blotted.

I convey much emotion, though flatly I’m spotted.

And I grow half my size whenever I’m dotted.

I can speak any language yet utter no words.

I’m no seed, yet I am well-known among birds.

I live on a highway that’s structurally sound

Where you might see my friends accidentally bound

It has many lanes and also long lines.

There are lots of sharp turns and plenty of signs.

I am played but not won

Made but not spun

The key is to measure before you’ve begun.

Once he’s finished, Spike lets out a furious scream, banging his pipe repeatedly against the riddle door to no avail.  

SPIKE

DAMN YOU, DISCORD!  DAMN YOOOOUUU!!!!

Question 21: Warpd Asks:

Dear Twilight:  

What makes a good princess?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

A very excellent question!  

(thinks for a second)

Let’s start with the purely pragmatic basics.  To be a good princess means to be a good leader, and thus, you first need to be excellent at leadership.  Possess both a strong skill and a strong desire to lead others.  You have to be charismatic: ponies should want to follow you.  You have to have deep political savvy, and a consistent awareness of current events… live in the ‘now.’  Strength is also a big key.  Strength that comes from a courageous heart.  The strength to accomplish great things.  Strength to support your people, and protect them from unreasonable enemies.  

She smiles, looking towards the sun above her.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

But to truly be a GREAT princess requires a bit more.  Great princesses need to have a great sense of initiative and be purpose-driven… you wouldn’t want her to be one of those politicians who never actually DOES anything with her office except sit in an important chair.  Leaders should be involved.  You REALLY want her to have a solid moral code.  Personal integrity, accountability, and a firm sense of right and wrong.  The world needs FEWER tyrants, not more; leaders who truly care about the wellbeing and happiness of their subjects.  

She begins walking down the road a few paces.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Princesses should be instilled with a powerful sense of selflessness and civil duty.  Ponies don’t exist to serve them; they exist to serve ponies.  They need a certain level of optimism and faith.  Faith in their own abilities and good judgment.  Faith that things might turn out alright.  Take it from a girl who spent a month shut away in her own book fort… you don’t want your leader so pessimistic about taking risks that she never accomplishes anything.

Twilight sits down next to her friends.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Last but not least… great princesses need to have excellent, dependable friends.  Reliable, honorable, and truehearted.  Lero once put it to me this way, “If the general’s a saint and the soldiers are all scoundrels… what do you get?”  

Question 22: Warpd Asks:

Dear Sombra:

Hello? You still dead right? This story has escalated to the point I almost expect you to suddenly show up.

Way, way down in Pony Hell, Sombra is now a smelly garbage collector, made to go from garbage can to garbage can and pile them high on his back.   He turns towards the readers.  

KING SOMBRA

I am still dead, peasant.  Much as I would wish otherwise, and in spite of the increasing complications Celestia’s peons are having with that old unfinished spell.   Were I alive, I’d be out collecting all my precious crrryyyysstallls, crystals, crystals, crysssstalllls and slaaaaves…. ha ha ha ha ha…

At that moment, a Pony Devil jabs Sombra with a pitchfork.

PONY DEVIL

Hey, we're not torturing you here so you can break the fourth wall! Come on, now!  Pick up your toothbrush and get to work: this sewer’s not going to clean itself!  

Did we mention that Sombra’s now dressed as a sewage maintenance worker, and he’s deep in an infinitely filthy sewer?  Well, he is.  

Question 23: Warpd Asks:

Dear Lyra:

Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris?

Discord has invited Lyra over to his personal digs; they sit on a couch in front of his TV.  Stacks of movies are piled alongside their couch: It’s clear that they’ve been watching a marathon of old films, including The Big Boss, The Delta Force, The Chinese Connection, Lone Wolf McQuade, some episodes of The Green Hornet series, some episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger series, Enter The Dragon, Forest Warrior, Sidekicks… finally finishing with The Way Of The Dragon.  

Lyra reacts in astonishment when she notices a certain unique feature of The Way Of The Dragon.

LYRA

Sweet Celestia… they’re BOTH in this one!

DISCORD

Yep!  The only movie featuring Chuck and Bruce in the same flick.  

The Way Of The Dragon finishes.  Discord shuts it off with his remote control.

DISCORD

That should be more than enough!  So now, Lyra, in your personal opinion, which is better: Norris or Lee?

LYRA

I’m going to have to go with Mr. Lee.  Don’t get me wrong; Norris is a legitimately talented martial artist, but from what I’m seeing, Lee was the trailblazer AND the gold standard in human martial arts stars.

DISCORD

Even I’m disappointed he ended up dying so young… right when his career was just taking off!

LYRA

What’s more, I was turned off by Sidekicks and Forest Warrior. On one hoof, there’s nothing wrong with a martial artist actor taking on comedic material.   But Sidekicks was Norris’ narcissistic ode to himself, and there’s no excuse for Forest Warrior.  Not just preachy but with so many LAZY fight sequences.  Bruce Lee never needed to do that.  He just let his martial arts speak for itself.  

Then Lyra blushes a bit.

LYRA

I’ll admit there’s one other reason I preferred Lee, and that’s as an… appreciator of human beauty.  I mean… Mr. Norris’ beard looks good and all, but Mr. Lee’s got the more handsomer face.  And those abs...  

Question 24: Warpd Asks:

Dear Spike the Female:

After be transformed into a Female Dragon for an extended period of time... (more that 500 days) Did you sense yourself becoming a little more girly? Did you begin to think pink is a pretty color? Or begin to like to play more with dolls?

A slightly older Female Spike from the Jeremyverse is babysitting Pound and Pumpkin Cake over in his room.  The young dragon wears a pink apron.  

FEMALE SPIKE

(cooing at the babies)

Ooo--gooo-goo-gooo-goo!  Ooo-gooo-gooo-goo-goo!  Who’s the cuuuuutest little babies?  It’s you-you-you and YOU!

Pumpkin and Pound giggle with glee.  Spike picks Pumpkin up and holds her up in the air while spinning slowly pretending like she’s a superhero...

FEMALE SPIKE

Whooooooosh, whoooosh… here comes Superfoal to save the daaaaay!  

Then she freezes up, suddenly aware of the readers’ presence.  She lowers Pumpkin the the ground, her attitude turning bristly and defensive.  

FEMALE SPIKE

(grudgingly)

W… well, considering all the estrogen this new body of mine’s been producing, I suppose that a little bit of girlishness is to be expected.  Yeah, babies interest me more than they did when I was a guy.  I’m sitting these two for the Cakes even though this herd of mine’s got THREE already, with Number Four on the way!  What of it?!  And… yeah, pink’s a nicer than I gave credit for.   Honestly, I wore a frilly pink apron back when I WAS a boy anyway. It wasn't THAT far to go.  But I haven’t been playing with any stinkin’ dolls!  ...Except when it’s with the foals.  A-and I still like girls!   Although, considering that it’s only natural for girls to like other girls…

An uncomfortable silence.

FEMALE SPIKE

Aw, heck…

She picks Pumpkin back up and spins her up in the air again.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Whooosh!  Whooooosh!  Whoooooooosh!  

Question 25: Kichi Asks:

To the great and powerful Swap:

What do you think whenever Lero curses you…

The Swap manifests itself as a bodiless voice.

THE SWAP

Mr. Lero Michealides is free to vituperate and express his frustrations with the great New Truth as much as his wont.  Every word Lero speaks is listened to avidly, with every available ear.  But Lero has learned to be a cautious man, careful to guard his tongue and blend in with his peers, for fear of appearing insane.  No doubt, he speaks his feelings much more openly whenever he’s alone with those other sweetly adorable Pretenders, who are still beholden to the Old Truth.  A shame these conversations cannot be listened in on.

KISHI

...Or find loopholes?

THE SWAP

Lero’s talent for unearthing loopholes and weaknesses was truly not expected at all.  The advent of the New Truth ended up provoking a change in Lero, igniting his spirit with an aggressive rebelliousness no one in this world would have ever suspected him to possess… in either the New Truth or the Old Truth.

The Swap’s voice is androgynous, through and through.  

THE SWAP

The New Truth has caused Lero many forms of suffering, but he has learned to adapt and even thrive.  Conversely, Lero has caused all sorts of vexing setbacks, difficulties and near-disasters, necessitating several drastic readjustments.  ‘Tit for tat,’ one might say.  But for all these frustrations, it has still proven a stimulating campaign.  Transformative on all parties concerned.

The Swap is everywhere and nowhere at once.  

THE SWAP

Though the ultimate question -- which of these two Truths will dominate -- has no clear answer in sight.  Especially after certain recent developments.