Ask the Swapped Ponies!

Round Twenty-Three: Don't Mess With Iron

Spoilers Up To Chapter 31

Question 1: Warpd Asks:

Dear Luna:

How many times has the moon been used to keep Equestria safe?

PRINCESS LUNA

Whenever beasts from beyond threaten Equestria. But if you ask how often I've used it to protect Equestria from complete destruction or similar fates? Thrice.

Question 2: Warpd Asks:

Dear Discord,

What are your thoughts on those folks that Lero escaped from?

DISCORD

My thoughts?  Well, the ones at the top of the food chain… the Fae Lords… I almost could’ve BEEN one of those guys!  Between their total control over reality, their immortality, and the way they play with the mortals… if you’d’ve transferred me over to live in the Fae Realms a year ago, I’d’ve fit right in with their crowd like a raisin thrown into a bag of trail mix!

Then Discord folds his arms, sighing almost regretfully as he kicks an empty can on the floor.    

DISCORD

Of course, it’s a different story nowadays, since my dear Element of Kindness friend went and reformed me…

Then he perks back up.  

DISCORD

...But want to know something?  Funny little fact about the Fae.  None of you mortals would EVER want to face one in battle, any more than you’d want to face Slenderman or Superboy-Prime.  (You wouldn’t want to face one OUT of battle, either!)   Fae Lords are a mixed, motley, multitudinous bunch; each with their own quirks, gimmicks, and personal strengths and weaknesses.  But there are TWO common Kryptonites the Fae Lords ALL share.

A ream of blank paper appears in Discord’s hand.  

DISCORD

The first happens if they go against their word.  If they break a solemn vow.  DOUBLY so if they’ve violated a written contract they’ve signed their name to.  TRIPLY so, if they used blood for ink.

(smiles at the readers)

Here’s how it works: let’s say I’m a Fae Lord…

And Discord transforms himself into an elfin humanoid, with a strong resemblance to how Elrond, (as portrayed by Hugo Weaving) looked in Peter Jackson’s film adaptations of J. R. R. Tolkien’s works.  

With downright ludicrous speed, Fae Lord Discord pricks his thumb, draws up his ream of blank papers, and writes up a textbook of a contract in his own smudgy blood.

Then a Fae Lady, strongly resembling Galadriel, (as portrayed by Cate Blanchett,) with an openly bleeding thumb, comes over and smears her name next to Discord’s on the contract’s signature line.  

They clasp hands lovingly.

“GALADRIEL”  

Oh, my dear darling!  Now, you are contractually obligated to love and adore me more than anyone else, forever and ever more.    

FAE LORD DISCORD

And I couldn’t be more happy about...

This is when a different Fae Lady, resembling Tauriel, (as played by Evangeline Lilly in the same Jackson adaption) walks past Galadriel and Discord… whose attention is instantly snagged.  

Leering at ‘Tauriel,’ Discord pulls away from ‘Galadriel’ and lets out a wolf whistle worthy of Tex Avery.

FAE LORD DISCORD

Oooo-yeah!  Baby, you are one SMMMMOKING cut of tenderloin!

This is when the blood writing on the blood contract glows an angry bright red.  And Discord turns back to the readers.

FAE LORD DISCORD

Now, at this point, two things would befall an oath-breaking Fae.  

Suddenly, Discord’s body goes FLYING at super-speed, exactly as though he’d been punched into the sky by a cartoon superhero.  

FAE LORD DISCORD

First, forces beyond even the Fae Lords’ control cast the oath-breaker out of the Fae Realms.  

And then Discord returns to the place he’d originally been standing… but as a frail, grey-haired old man, shuffling along with the aid of a walker.

OLD FAE LORD DISCORD

(weak, wizened voice)

Now, while it’s possible…

(wheeze)

...For an oath-breaking Fae Lord to return back to Fae Realms...

(geriatric cough)

They’re still screwed, because they’ve also lost their immortality.  Reduced to a mere mortal.  

Then Old Fae Lord Discord has a heart attack and keels over and croaks.   Five seconds later, he turns back into his draconequus self.  

DISCORD

The second Kryptonite is kind of an extension of the first.  You see…

And suddenly, he’s dressed like Mother Goose, sitting pleasantly in a rocking chair, and opening a storybook in his lap.  

DISCORD

Once upon a time… there lived a very unwise and foolish Fae Lord who formed a contract with Iron.  Yes, iron, itself.  Good ol’ atomic number 26 on the periodic table.

(clears throat)

Now… what was this Fae Lord’s name?   What kind of arrangement had he and Iron made in their pact?  Sadly, these details were lost to history, long before any of your grandfathers’ grandfathers’ grandfathers’ grandfathers were frolicking little boys.  And though numerous attempts were made to get Iron to tell her side of the story, the whole thing’s still an enormous sore spot with her, so she absolutely refuses to be interviewed about it.

Discord turns to the next page of his storybook.

DISCORD

But what we DO know is this: whatever it was that the Fae Lord had agreed to do for Iron, he didn’t live up to his end of the bargain.   Now, if this had been, say, Aluminum…  well, we all know Aluminum would’ve been more ‘live-and-let-live’ about it.   But Iron was beyond furious.  For Iron, it wasn’t enough knowing that this Fae Lord had doomed himself to exile and a mortal’s death.  No, she declared that all iron, everywhere, would henceforth be an enemy of all Fae... and, to a lesser extent, those who bear their mark.

The Mother Goose outfit evaporates off Discord as he stands up, walking over to a refrigerator and opening it up.

DISCORD

So if you foresee a Fae fight further forward in your future, you’ll want to arm yourself with a weapon made of ‘cold iron.’  Like holy water to a vampire.

He pulls an iron battleaxe from the freezer, glistening with little icicles along its blade.  

DISCORD

Oh, and in this case, ‘cold iron’ doesn’t actually mean ‘iron that is of a cold temperature’... although you can do that if you want.  A ‘cold iron’ weapon is one whose business end is smelted and crafted of pure, unadulterated iron.  Alloys… even iron alloys, such as steel… just trust me, you don’t want ‘em.  

He swings his axe around a bit.

DISCORD

Now, why’d I go off on this ‘Fae Lord Kryptonite’ tangent?  Only to gloat about how I ain’t got either of those wimpy weaknesses!

Then he bites down on the cold iron battleaxe like it was a crunchy ice cream bar.

DISCORD

Iron and I are on good terms!  And I’ve gone against my word hundreds of times, and I’ve outlived (and WILL outlive) ALL those gullible saps!

He finishes eating the axe, licking his chops.

DISCORD

In summation:  “Draconequui rule and Fae Lords drool!”

Question 3: The Only One Who Cared (TOOWC) Asks:

Dear Discord:

This may not pertain to the story, but there is a widely accepted headcanon that says you are much more powerful than you seem on the show. Is this true?

A planet floats in outer space; the world of talking ponies.  

Then Discord’s finger snaps, and the planet reshapes itself into a cube.  He snaps his finger again, and the world EXPLODES into atoms… only to UN-explode ten seconds later.  A third snap, and every inch of outer space transforms from an infinite black vacuum into an infinite video game arcade.  

DISCORD

(while juggling planets)

Let’s just say that I’m often pulling my punches around everyone else.  

Question 4: Ausbrony Asks:

Dear Discord,

Just for giggles and I'm feeling mean. What if you swapped sayyy... Lero and maybe Chrysalis?  

In the master bedroom at Golden Oaks Library, a familiar human figure is sitting atop the bed, reading through a book on humor, as intently as any teacher preparing for a lesson.  

LERO

(quietly reading book to himself)

Typically, people gravitate towards pleasure and shun pain. Hence, the pursuit of humor influences a great deal of our everyday decisions, including which magazines and books we read, what movies we watch, even who we decide to make friends with versus who we avoid…

Then Rarity comes into the master bedroom.  Incredibly, she reacts to the sight of Lero with open hostility.

RARITY

YOU!

She charges up her horn, ready for battle.

RARITY

What are you…?!

LERO

(holds up his hands in surrender)

Easy, Rarity!  It’s me!  It’s me!

In a flash, “Lero” transforms BACK into Chrysalis: former changeling queen.  Though she’s still a changeling, Chrysalis has been swapped into Lero’s life role, as evidenced by the set of Lero’s clothes she wears: jeans, shoes, socks, and even his University of Idaho shirt… re-tailored to fit her quasi-equine body.

RARITY

(exasperated)

Again!  AGAIN, you take this form!  This is the second time this WEEK, Chrysa!

CHRYSA

I-I’m sorry, Rarity!  I-It’s just…

Chrysa scuffs her hoof on the rug.  

CHRYSA

Lately, for some reason, seeing me in that form really soothes Twilight’s nerves.

RARITY

Ergh!   I don’t know what’s gotten into our silly kitten, Chrysa!  This spell Celestia’s having her fix is clearly taking its toll on her!    I mean, of all the forms she could have you take, she wants to see you as King Bellerophon! The Changeling King!  I mean, after what he did at her brother’s wedding…!

CHRYSA

I’m still amazed how well King Bellerophon was able to pass himself off as Princess Cadence!  

RARITY

I know.  And to think, only Twilight suspected something was amiss…

Chrysa turns a troubled look upon her own body, towards the part of her flank where a cutie mark would be on a pony.  

CHRYSA

...Yet, there’s also been some weird part of me that insists that the form of King Bellerophon is actually best suited for me...

RARITY

(sharply)

Sounds to me like you’ve been letting that nag, Honeydew, fill your head with awful ideas about yourself!

CHRYSA

(surprised)

Honeydew!?  No, I haven’t even talked to her since...

Rarity sits next to Chrysa.

RARITY

Chrysa, darling, we’ve had this discussion so many times!  Just because you’re a changeling doesn’t make you a changeling.  When all’s said and done, you only have a surface resemblance to Equestrian changelings.  You’re from a completely different world, and…!

Then Chrysalis’ tummy gurgles quite loudly.

RARITY

What was that?

CHRYSA

(quickly)

Nothing!

RARITY

How long has it been since the last time you’ve eaten?

CHRYSA

Two minutes ago!  I fed off Lyra, I swear!

RARITY

(can smell the lie a mile away)

How long has it really been?

CHRYSA

(subdued)

I can hold off.

Rarity rolls her eyes.

RARITY

I swear, between your shyness about nudity and your shyness about eating, sometimes I just don’t know what I’m even going to do with you, Chrysalis Michaelides!  Love’s a renewable resource!  It’d be no different than picking the apples off the Apple family’s apple trees!  

CHRYSA

(still subdued)

I don’t need to eat until later tonight.  

Chrysa ties to look away from Rarity, but the unicorn’s telekinesis pulls the swapped changeling’s head back into eye contact.

RARITY

(patiently)

Chrysa, you’re a parasitic life form with unique dietary needs.  All of us -- me, Twilight, Lyra, and Rainbow -- accepted that about you when we became your loving herd-sisters! None of us have any issue about providing you the nourishment you need!  

CHRYSA

I’ll wait until you’re asleep.  That way, it’ll be less… you know...

Rarity decides to change tactics, from scolder to seductress.

RARITY

(sensuously)

I’m hungry, Chrysa…

She kisses the side of Chrysalis’ neck.

RARITY

So hungry.

(nibbles her ear)

Starving for your love.  You wouldn’t turn me away when I’m feeling soooo empty for you, would you…?

CHRYSA

Oh, Rarity…

The swapped changeling turns and kisses Rarity on the lips, again and again, spurred by the full force of love for Rarity that had once been Lero’s… up until her recent swap with him.  

RARITY

Aren’t you starved too?  

Rarity's magic tugs at one of the white hoof-shaped sneakers Chrysa wears on her hind legs.  The swapped changeling lifts that leg up, letting Rarity remove the shoe and peel off her sock, then do the same to her other hind leg.

RARITY

Aren’t you soooo hungry for my love?

CHRYSA

I’m FAMISHED.

The weatherpony’s magic next unzips Chrysa’s jeans.

CHRYSA

Who… who would you like me to change into this time?  Daring Do?  Soarin’, maybe?  I’d really love to be Soarin’ for you...

RARITY

Mmmm… this time, I want you to be you own self.  Holes and all, my sweet princess.

CHRYSA

“Princess…?”

The eyes of the changeling gleam with some of the wicked darkness so characteristic of her royal unswapped self.  

CHRYSA

(predatorily)

Little pony, you will address me as QUEEN!

Twenty minutes later…

Twilight teleports in the upper hallway, standing at the door leading into her bedroom.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(knocking on the door)

Hey, Chrysa, there’s…

CHRYSA

(from inside bedroom)

...THE MOTHER LODE!!!

RARITY

[Gasps and strangled noises]

CHRYSA

DELICIOUS!  SUCCULENT!  PUREST LOVE!  YES!  YES!   YUMMMMMY!!!

RARITY

[Hoarse gagging, ghastly croaks]  

CHRYSA

OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!

It’s almost like listening a talking shark giving running commentary while she was in the middle of chomping up some especially delicious scuba diver.  

Tail tucked, ears flattened, Twilight Sparkle freezes up at the monstrous sounds and shivers like a leaf.

Then Chrysa throws open the door, licking her lips, aglow with joy.

CHRYSA

Best family EVER!

Chrysa kisses Twilight on the tip of her muzzle before ducking back inside the bedroom to put her clothes back on.  The changeling’s in such high spirits she’s completely oblivious to the horror on Twilight’s face.

CHRYSA

(while dressing)

You wouldn’t believe what a banquet Rarity just treated me to!  It was wonderful!  So now, what was it you were saying just a second ago?  When you knocked?  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(stammering, quivering in dread)

Fluttershy… she’s… here… comedy lessons…

Chrysalis checks the wall clock.

CHRYSA

Oh!

After slipping her University of Idaho shirt back on, Chrysa exits the bedroom fully dressed and shuts the door.

CHRYSA

(bright and Lero-like)

I’ve got a good feeling about today, Twilight!  I know I’m going to make a breakthrough with Fluttershy!

Then Chrysalis’ fangs flash as she smiles the smile of a power-hungry conqueror.

CHRYSA

(fiendish and Chrysalis-like)  

Every day, I inch further forward to absolute dominance over my enemy.  Every day, my total subjugation of the Swap is closer within my grasp!  And I shall gorge upon this victory as I have never gorged before!  

Chrysa trots merrily down the stairs to begin her next comedy lesson with Fluttershy.   Still trembling, Twilight goes into the bedroom and helps Rarity to a stand.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

C… come on, Rarity.   Let’s go in the kitchen and I’ll pour you some tea.

Rarity is unblinking and lets Twilight steer her without protest.

RARITY

(a near-soulless monotone)

Tea… yes… whatever you desire... my queen…

Question 5: The Only One Who Cared (TOOWC) Asks:

Dear Lero,

I'm not saying you should stop, but since swapped Rarity is your old Rainbow, doesn't that mean swapped Rainbow is your old Fluttershy? Like I said, keep up the good work, but you may end up with another pony in your herd at the end of all this.

Sighing, Lero looks to see that he’s all alone in his room.  

LERO

I suppose I just can’t keep avoiding this question forever.  It’s been asked too many different ways by too many different people.

He sits in a chair.  

LERO

You’ve all been privy to that vision I experienced, where I got to speak directly to that part of Rainbow Dash’s soul that’s inside Rarity.  On that beach.

He struggles to come up with words.  

LERO

And this… idea you’re postulating, I won’t pretend it hasn’t occurred to me, too.   It’s inarguable that with Rarity the Weathermare, that portion of Rainbow Dash within her psyche has been the ‘driving force,’ the ‘new life role,’ the ‘dominant soul.’    So it’s perfectly possible that in getting Rainbow The Caretaker to fall in love with me, I’ve effectively won the heart of Fluttershy. Under an assumed identity, as it were.  

He gets out of his chair, and walks over to the display case where the Swapped Elements of Harmony are being kept, staring at them.  

LERO

But assuming we’re able to get them all unswapped, I still have no idea how things are going to pan out afterwards.  Yes, it’s possible that I might find Fluttershy in love with me.  But it’s also EQUALLY possible that, once she’s fully herself again, she’ll look back upon everything “she” did as Rainbow the Caretaker with horror and shame.    And the same applies to Rarity.  Neither of them may ever want to speak to me again. That’s part of the reason why I’ve bent over backwards to be the best boyfriend to them both; so at the very least, they’ll both know I did everything within my power to make a horrible circumstance pleasant for them.  

He folds his arms.  

LERO

But let’s assume Unswapped Fluttershy DOES end up feeling love towards me.  In that case… I’ll have to consult my heart, and decide how I feel about her.   After all, Rarity The Weathermare is NOT the exact same pony as Rainbow The Weathermare.  So it just stands to reason that Fluttershy the Caretaker won’t be the exact same mare as Rainbow The Caretaker.  

Question 6: Warpd Asks:

Dear Rainbow Dash:

You gonna be okay? Lero taking care of Angel and it seemed to hit you hard.

RAINBOW DASH

It’s hard to put into words.  

(pause)

Those animals of mine that were following Angel’s marching orders… some of them I’d saved from predators.  Some of them I saved from abusive owners.  Some of them I even helped bring into the world as a midwife.  Then, all of a sudden, I lost my stride… or whatever it was that’d happened to me… and then they all turned on me.  They all sided with Angel.

She walks downstairs.  

RAINBOW DASH

For a while, after Lero first started coming over, it almost seemed like he was suddenly the only friend I had left.  And… ANYPONY could see why he and Rarity fell for each other.  HE was loyal, HE was there for me every day.

She heads through the all-new wooden throughway connecting her cottage to the library, without needing to go outside.  

RAINBOW DASH

At a certain point, I got to thinking that my Element was WAY less important than Loyalty.   Didn’t matter HOW kind you were to little traitors, they’d show you no mercy.  All they respect is power.  So I made myself powerful.

Her wingtip plays with the whistle around her neck.  

RAINBOW DASH

So when I saw Lero getting all cuddly with Angel… I was scared.  I felt betrayed.  The first thought that popped in my head was: ‘Angel turned Lero against me.  Just like all my animals.  I can’t trust ANYONE.’  Then, of course, Lero said all that stuff about Discord and me and… and he’s right.

She’s come into her old place, her old cottage.

RAINBOW DASH

It’s so frustrating, though!  These days, I keep feeling like I’ve lost sight of who I really am!

(sighs)

Two things I know for sure, though.   One: I want to always keep being strong.  Two: True Kindness ISN’T something a wimp can pull off, any more than True Loyalty is.  Lero reminded me of that.

She spots Angel peeking at her behind a corner.  Slowly, un-threateningly, she drops over to her haunches and quietly beckons him over.  

Rainbow Dash waits for Angel to hop over.  She’s not smiling at him.  But they slowly share a hug.  

Question 7: The Only One Who Cared (TOOWC) Asks:

Dear Discord,

What type of music do you like?  

DISCORD

My tastes in music tend to shift without much rhyme or reason.  One day, it’s hard rock, then the next day, bluegrass.  Then the day after that, it could be reggae, after that, the entire oeuvre of Irving Berlin… and an hour from there, I’m all about the avant-garde freakbeat grindcore death industrial barn dance.  A fortnight later, I’m grooving to the beat of that melodious screeching made after a train conductor hits the brakes.  Currently, I’m listening to Among The Sleep: The Raptastic Musical.  After that, well, there’s this parallel universe where Gus Wainwright, Galen McCaffrey and Michael Durrant have all formed a garage band called the Weeble Jeeble and the Craig McCrackens.  And I’ve got their first album!  It’s still in the shrink wrap!

Question 8: FanOfMostEverything Asks:

Dear Twilight,

What was the most ridiculous human sighting you've investigated?

MR. I. M. TRUSTWORTHY

Right this way, right this way!  Here’s where the human is!  

SPIKE

(flatly)

Uh huh.  Sure.  

Lero and his herdmates are all of a surly temperament as the let the old stallion, Mr. Trustworthy, lead them inside a cave.  Behind them stretches a long, hilly, difficult-to-cross forest terrain.  Getting here has been a long, tiring ordeal for them.  

And this isn't the first time they've danced this scam of a dance.  

Inside the cave, there sits… an Earth Pony mare, dressed completely in a full set of clothes.  Before Lero can think to say anything, the mare gallops over and throws her forelegs around Lero, and gives him a motherly hug.  

LERO

What the…!  

LYRA

Hooves off him, lady!  

With telekinesis, Lyra pulls the strange mare off of Lero, who turns to I. M. Trustworthy.

LERO

(wearily)

Okay, so, just… where’s this ‘human’ supposed to be?

Mr. Trustworthy points at the mare.  

MR. I. M. TRUSTWORTHY

Right there, sonny!  That’s your human!

“LERO’S MOM”

Lero?  Oh, Lero, my sweet little colt!   It’s me, your mother!  

LERO

(too disgusted to think up a retort)

My… mother?

“LERO’S MOM”

Yes!  Oh, I know how confused you must be, with me looking like a pony, but I swear it’s me!  I remember a strange magical portal suddenly appearing in my bedroom, and -- you know me -- I just had to trot through it!  Alas, the portal closed behind me after I crossed over, so I’m sorry, but we can’t return home to Humania.

LERO

Humania.  

“LERO’S MOM”  

For the next several days, I made my home in this cave while this kind stallion…

She smiles at Mr. Trustworthy.  

“LERO’S MOM”

Helped me out in so many ways.  But, I swear, the portal must’ve had some kind of bizarre effect on my body, for I was slowly transforming from a human into the mare, day after day!  

MR. I. M. TRUSTWORTHY

She definitely WAS as human as you are on the first day I found her!  Definitely, definitely!  

"LERO'S MOM"

But I must say, I rather prefer BEING a mare to being a sheman, so there’s no need to try and change me back…

She smiles at Twilight Sparkle.

“LERO’S MOM”

...And… oh, Lero, my precious little colt, it’s WONDERFUL to see you again after all this time!

She hugs Lero again and even kisses him.  I. M. Trustworthy sheds a crocodile tear.

MR. I. M. TRUSTWORTHY

Mother and son, reunited after so long!

("emotionally moved sniffling")

Doesn’t it just get you right in the heart?  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(sickened by it all)

Oh yes.  Right in the heart.

“LERO’S MOM”

So, son-of-mine, when can you take your dear sweet Mumsy to see Princess Celestia?  I've always wanted to meet her!

Question 9: Felyon Says:

Dear Spikette,

You are a true man, remaining in your bend form in honor of your lady.

FEMALE SPIKE

It’s Spike!  SPIKE!  Not ‘Spikette!’  Not ‘Barb’ or ‘Spines!’   Lyra didn’t go change her name to ‘Guyra!’  Lero didn’t become ‘Lerette’ or ‘Lerina!’  My name is…!

LERO THE MARE

SPIKE!  Spike!  Not so fast, please!  

FEMALE SPIKE

Ah!  Sorry, Lero!  

We’ve gone back to a point in time in the Jeremyverse where Lero was a mare, seven months pregnant with her first three foals.

Needing to catch her breath, Lero sits herself on a street bench.  Spike runs back by her side.

LERO THE MARE

(out of breath)

I’m not… the speed demon… I used to be…

Spike pats her side sympathetically.  Then she turns to the readers.

FEMALE SPIKE

Sorry for exploding earlier.  It’s just… if I had a bit for every time somepony’s called me one of those names…

(sighs)

At this point, there’s no guy I respect more than Lero.  Because there’s NOTHING he wouldn’t do for his family.  

LERO THE MARE

(touched)

Awwww…

FEMALE SPIKE

Part of this whole ‘solidarity’ thing is that I really wanted to show I can make huge sacrifices just like him.

Lero smiles as Spike sits next to her on the bench, but the little dragon suddenly looking somewhat bummed.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Yet… well, out of all of us, Lero’s REALLY gone through the LARGEST transformation of all!  Not ONLY is he female, now… not ONLY is he a different species, not only is he four-legged instead of two-legged… he’s also pregnant with three foals.  THAT’S taking one for the team.  

Spike motions downward at herself.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Compared to that, my own transformation’s practically just a cosmetic change.  I kinda wish I could do even more, though, help shoulder more of the burden…

DIAMOND TIARA

It’s okay, Spikette!  When I grow up, you can be pregnant and have my foals for me!

Red with embarrassment, Spike jolts to see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon… who had been eavesdropping… snickering as they trot away.  

FEMALE SPIKE

Then again, the way everypony else’s been treating me is probably enough of a ‘transformation.’  

Lero pats Spike on the back.

LERO THE MARE

You’re bigger than her.  I’d rather have ten Spikes than one Diamond Tiara.  

Question 10: Moving Target Asks:

Dear Maud,

What was it like growing up with someone as outgoing and expressive as Fluttershy?  

Maud Pie gives one of her very rare and very slight smiles.

MAUD

Having Fluttershy as my sister has always made me very happy and was fun.  Playing games with her was fun.  Poetry with her was fun.  Fun with her was fun.  Without Fluttershy, I think I might have grown up to be a dull and joyless being.

MOVING TARGET

Did it ever get a bit overwhelming at times, or was it a good complement to your more reserved nature?

Maud’s face retracts back into its usual deadpan.  

MAUD

I don’t get overwhelmed.  That includes Fluttershy.

Spotting a stone on the ground, Maud stoops to inspect it.

MAUD

Volcanic.

Question 10: DanielH Asks:

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I already asked you if you have any plans to try the cure you saw in your dream (although I don't know if you got that question yet). Do you have plans to try any of the other things you saw in that dream, like channeling unicorn-type magic through pegasus wings?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Well, two things.  First, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in that dream you’ve referring to, the six of us seemed to already be in equilibrium.  If you’ll recall that regrettable incident where Discord got the six of us discorded… our attempts at firing the Rainbow Of Light was a no-go.  That clearly proved we Element Bearers need to have a certain amount of levelheadedness just to activate our Elements… and right now, two of my friends are still emotionally out-of-sorts.

She takes a drink of water.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Second, well… confused as my friends otherwise are, they’re all adult enough to understand that the Elements of Harmony aren’t toys.  I couldn’t just go, “Hey, girls!  Tonight, let’s shoot them into the sky like fireworks, just for kicks!"  You need to mean it, with the Elements.  And frankly, enlisting Discord to, ah… ‘play the villain,’ as he did in that dream leaves me leery at best.  It might be too big a temptation for him to relapse into his bad old ways for real.  

She refills her glass.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

As for channeling unicorn-type magic through pegasus wings… I definitely DO mean to look into it, later on!  If I can find a way to pull it off… if unicorn-style magical abilities have always lain dormant within our winged sisters and brothers… who KNOWS how much the pegasus race could contribute to the field of magic, once those abilities are unlocked?  

(regretful sigh)

Sadly, those pegasi will have to wait until AFTER I find a cure to the Swap.  First things first!  

Question 12: Warpd Asks:

Dear Twilight,

What do your dreams look like?

Lero, Twilight, Lyra, Rainbow Dash, and Spike are at a racetrack, up in the bleachers, cheering.

HERD BELLEROPHON

(ad-lib)

Come on!  You can do it!  You can do it!  

Hooves thunder, kicking up dust as the racers cross the finish line.  But there is no question who won, and Herd Bellerophon is especially ecstatic.  

Lero turns to Rainbow Dash.

LERO

Ain’t this the best?!

RAINBOW DASH

Eeeeeyup.

It must be noted, here, that the Half-Apple Mark now on Dash’s flank had originally belonged to Big Macintosh.  

Rainbow Dash kisses Lero deeply.

RAINBOW DASH

Love yew.

SPIKE

C’mon!  Let’s go congratulate the winner!  

As a group, Herd Bellerophon comes up to where a big gold medal is being placed around the neck of a certain red stallion, who pumps an arm in victory.  

BIG MACINTOSH

(exultant, doing a victory dance)

Oh YEAH!  The Big Red freight train rockets straight through another finish line!  Yahoo!  Call me Mr. Supersonic, cuz Ah'm an unstoppable force of nature!  

Three guesses as to whose Rainbow-Thunderbolt Mark our friend Big Mac now wears.  Herd Bellerophon… HIS herd…. trot up to him.

BIG MACINTOSH

Howdy, girls!  

LYRA

Well done, Macintosh!  No contest!  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

That was so thrilling to watch!

Big Macintosh kisses Lyra.  He kisses Twilight Sparkle.  Then gives her a roguish wink which has her blushing.  Then the Swapped stallion grins at Lero and treats him to a big brotherly bear hug; both of them thumping each other heartily on the back.  

LERO

Awesome job, 'big brother.'

BIG MACINTOSH

(grinning)

You know it!

SPIKE

You rock, Big Mac!  

Spike also hugs Mac around the bottom of his legs, and the swapped stallion gives his youngest herd-brother an affectionate noogie.  

Then Big Mac and Dash face each other.  

BIG MACINTOSH

So, new girl, in yer own words, what’d yew think of mah race?

Rainbow Dash hugs the red stallion robustly and gives him a BIG impressive kiss.  

BIG MACINTOSH

Whoa.

(to Lero)

Ah should never have doubted yew, little brother.  Yew really do know how ta pick ‘em!

Big Mac thumps Lero proudly on the back again.

BIG MACINTOSH

Feels like only yesterday that yew were this big ball of shy 'n' monogamous uncertainty…. and Ah jest had ta take yew under mah wing.  Now look at yew!    

LERO

Well, I learned from the best!

The others laugh, (even Rainbow Dash!) All except for Twilight.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(small voice)

Wow… I'm actually a little jealous…

She didn't mean for anyone to actually overhear her, but Big Mac did.  

He sweeps her into another mind-melting kiss.  

BIG MACINTOSH

Don't yew EVER think yer Element of Loyalty's gonna forget his Element of Magic.  Besides, RD's family now.  Yew ain't got nothing ta be jealous of, Twi.  Specially not with our little bun in the oven.

The stallion bends his head, nuzzling Twilight's pregnant stomach.  

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Oh, Mac… I'm so glad you're the father…

BIG MACINTOSH

Ah'm only sorry it took this long for mah seed ta finally, finally bear fruit.

Twilight, Lyra, Lero, and Spike all flit a quick look between Big Mac's Rainbow Mark and the pegasus mare it had originally belonged to.

BIG MACINTOSH

Ah've never been so happy ta be a stallion, Twi!  Ah'm so glad yer the mother.

SPIKE

And I'm gonna be the big brother, right?

BIG MACINTOSH

(laughing)

That's right!  And Lyra's gonna be herd-mother, and so's RD, and Lero's…

Rainbow Dash nudges Big Macintosh impatiently, butting the side of his barrel with her head.  

BIG MACINTOSH

OOOF!  Alright, alright, Ah hear ya loud 'n' clear.  Lettin' may mouth run faster than may legs again, aren't Ah, RD?

RAINBOW DASH

Eeeeyup.

BIG MACINTOSH

Just be careful.  Ah don't think yah know yer own strength!  

It should be noted that, for some inexplicable reason, this version of Swapped Dash, with the Half-Apple Mark, gives off this  inexplicable-yet-compelling 'vibe' of being FAR taller, broader, and stronger than she actually is physically.  And yes, she also has been wearing Mac's old yoke around her neck this whole time.

BIG MACINTOSH

Now, gang, whaddaya say we head on home?

Now we're in the bedroom at Golden Oaks' Library, late at night, listening to Twilight Sparkle sleep-talking.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Best… Swap… ever...