Ask the Swapped Ponies!

Round Thirteen: Mark Removal As A Cure?

Spoilers Up To Chapter 18

Question 1: HR Stocked Asks:

I don’t know how much Lero was able to see of Rarity’s cutie mark, but he definitely saw what was happening to Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark.  It was disappearing.  Has he ever thought about going in that direction?  Not reversing the spell but instead breaking it?  Because the violent end that Discord has him afraid of is about them fighting the spell.  If the mark’s gone, there’s no compulsion, and no false memories, (maybe.)  Even if the memories are there, at least Discord doesn’t have to mind bend the rest of the populace.  

“Well, now they don’t have cutie marks.”  

So?  Neither do donkeys, mules, or griffons.  It’s also possible that they might find new cutie marks, ones that they actually have a choice in.  They may not be the same ones as before, but mortals don’t go through life unchanged.”

Rarity lies asleep on the couch.  Lero sits next to her.  The Rainbow Mark on her flank is within reaching distance.

LERO

Work to remove their marks altogether?  Quite a severe solution you propose.  Doubtlessly effective, in that it’d remove the threat of the Swapped Five going homicidal.

Rarity flicks her tail in her sleep; it brushes Lero’s arm.  

LERO

I will admit... I grew excited when I saw Pinkie Pie’s Apple Mark fade.  I was hoping that her old Balloon Mark would replace it.  

Lero looks towards the sleeping unicorn.

LERO

How would you have me handle it, I wonder?  Drug them, perhaps, and physically cut the Marks off their flanks with a scalpel?  Or psychologically back them all into corners, and break their spirits with my words?

Lero turns coldly towards the readers.  

LERO

However, you’ve forgotten to take one huge factor into consideration, HR.  And this factor is the reason I’ll NEVER adopt your approach.  

He brings his hand softly upon Rarity’s Rainbow Mark, stroking it softly.  

LERO

This mark, which Rarity now has, contains all the love Rainbow Dash has for me!  

At the feel of his hand, Rarity smiles in her sleep.

LERO

No, not just me!  Rainbow Dash’s love for Twilight, for Lyra, for  Spike... the bonds Rainbow Dash has for all her other friends!  All her feelings, good and bad, for everyone else in her life she knows!  

He draws his hand away.

LERO

And lest you think I’m simply being selfish and self-serving... consider this too: the same truism applies to all the other marks!  The Apple Mark contains all of Applejack’s love for Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and the small army of relatives which make up the Apple Clan!  The Diamond Mark contains all of Rarity’s love for Sweetie Belle, Pearl, and Magnum!  And so on for the rest!

He takes a deep breath.

LERO

Back when I was taking driver’s ed on Earth, they told stories about guys in car crashes who got brain-damaged in such a way THAT THEY STOPPED FEELING LOVE FOR THEIR PARENTS.  THEIR FAMILIES.  THEIR FIANCÉES.  IS THAT WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE ME DO?!

Lero’s raised voice causes Rarity to stir.  He lowers his volume.

LERO

As mixed-up and unbalanced as the Swap has left those five, it at least had the decency to have them try and fill the gaps for one another.  I hate to put it so bluntly, but I find what you’re proposing to be inconceivably WORSE than the Swap!  I don’t know whether this is natural pony physiology, or whether the Swap screwed with the role a cutie mark plays... but the fact remains: if we completely took their Marks away, they’d be left feeling nothing.  For anyone.   And I could never do that to them.  I could never do that to the ponies who LOVE them.  

He smiles.

LERO

Love is worth the risk.  Love is worth exerting yourself.  Love is worth preserving.  So with all due respect, HR, I’m not taking the safe and easy way out!  I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished through equilibrium, and I see no reason to stop now!  

Question 2: Zer0prototype Asks:

Dear Princess Celestria:

What did you think of the statue Rarity made of you? Were you able to keep it? I believe there is a nice spot in the castle gardens that Discord used to occupy if you needed a place to put it.

PRINCESS CELESTIA

I believe Rarity’s statue captures my personality very nicely!  Although I wish she could’ve made it a little less...

Staring at the statue's enormous flank, the Princess looks self-consciously at her own body.

PRINCESS CELESTIA

...large.  It would’ve been nice to put it in the spot Discord’s statue used to be, as you suggest.  Alas, it was impossible for me to keep, because it was an ice sculpture... though I did have several nice pictures of it taken!  Ultimately, I got in contact with a team of scientists I know; they told me that the dead glufferflork’s chemical composition would be useful for their needs, so I gave it to them.  It was pretty much that or find someplace for the ice sculpture to melt all over.  

Question 3: FanOfMostEverything Asks:

One of your last responses begs the question: just how often does Twilight turn you into a pony?  And have you ever gotten a cutie mark out of it?

LERO

How often?  Depends whether or not the girls are in estrus.  If they’re not... I’d say about one or two... maybe three times per month.  Or two months.  Sometimes just for a few hours, others the entire day. For ALL the members of our herd, (myself included,) me being transformed into a pony is kinda like those odd days where you wake up in a mood to wear sandals instead of your regular shoes... if that makes sense.

A salacious smile curls up the human’s face.

LERO

But when the girls ARE in estrus... I spend literally half the week in pony form.  Partially because Twilight’s still testing to see whether my seed can take root in one of them... but mostly because, well, they find me especially hot as a stallion!  

He chuckles.  

LERO

As for cutie marks?  Maybe my humanity’s partially to blame, but I’ve yet to get one.  Every time I’m transformed, I wind up a blank flank.  But the girls only tease me lightly over it... and I’m in no great rush to become a Cutie Mark Crusader over one.

Question 4: Zer0prototype Asks:

Dear Discord:

Have you ever looked outside the Xenoverse?  Do you have a favorite verse other than this one?

DISCORD

Sure do!  I’ve visited the Winning Verse, the Fallout Equestria Verse... The Upheaval Verse, but by far, my favorite other Verse is the Pony POV Verse.  Check it out!  You’ll find everything there!  Adventure!  Moral conflict!  Drama!  Friendship!  Nightmare Fuel!  Sweet Dreams Fuel!  Thought-provoking ideas!  Comedy!  Plot twists galore!  Dark comedy!  And lots and lots and LOTS of Yours Truly!

Discord gives a surprisingly DARK smile.

Question 5: Zontargs Asks:

Dear Herd Bellerophon:

While I understand that you are happy with your family as it is (any current stresses excepted), and are not actively looking for any new members, hypothetically speaking, would you be opposed in principle to adding, say, another mare, assuming you were all compatible? Or would you prefer to keep the herd at its current size indefinitely?  [Yes, I'm shipping what you think I'm shipping. Sue me.]

Lero, Lyra, and Twilight are all seated at the same table.  

LERO

I think I see what you’re getting at.  As you say, we’re not actively looking for new members, but we HAVE given that matter some thought...

LYRA

It’s been the subject of much discussion in our humble little household, in fact.

LERO

Yeah.

(looks straight forward)

I speak for the whole of Herd Bellerophon when I say we would NOT be opposed to adding another member to our family.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

A member who can contribute to our family, pull her own weight, and be loving, kind, and devoted to the rest of us... that’s something that we’d love to have!

LYRA

Particularly if this member should happen to be a certain unicorn mare whose name rhymes with ‘Clarity.’

LERO

She’s gotten even better since reaching equilibrium!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

Yeah.  The four adults that make up our home is NOT some unsurpassable maximum!   If Rarity the Fashionista turns out to be HALF the herdmate she’s been under the influence of Rainbow Dash’s mark, we’d all welcome her with a great red carpet rolled out!

They all nod.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

(hanging her head)

That is, IF I can find a cure.

LYRA

IF Rarity’s still interested in being part of our family, after she’s no longer under that spell.  

LERO

IF she decides she doesn’t want our heads on a platter.  

Question 6: SpinelStride Asks:

Dear Rarity, Twilight, and Lyra

Knowing that human women always have visible breasts, has it ever occurred to you that Lero might find that attractive?  If so, was the outcome hilarious, catastrophic, heartwarming, or some combination of the three?

Twilight, Rarity, and Lyra turn to look at each other.

RARITY

Do one of YOU girls want to tell them, or should I?

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

I don’t want to touch this one with a ten-foot pole.  

LYRA

I suppose I’ll be the one.  They’re just going to keep asking, otherwise.  

(smiling to Twilight)

Don’t worry; I’ll put you in the best light that I can!

(looks to the readers)

And we’re trusting the rest of you to be mature adults about this!  

Twilight groans.

LYRA

So one day, our stallion’s talking to a group of artists and writers about she-humans...

RARITY

‘Women.’

LYRA

Yes, them.  Anyway, he’s talking about how human society sexualizes the... permanently swollen breast.  One of the writers asks Lero whether he misses breasts of that sort, here in Equestria.  His answer?  “What can I say?  Part of me always will.”  That might’ve gotten under Twilight’s skin a bit...

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

It did.  

(hard snort)

‘Part of me always will...‘  

LYRA

For several days, Twilight said nothing about it to Lero, but then, one night, she gets REALLY plastered.  Now, there ARE spells on the books to make mares lactate, but our girl Twilight... in a stroke of surly, drunken genius... finds a way to  conjure FULL BREASTS for herself that DON’T produce milk.  Human-style breasts on her own equine self!

Twilight Sparkle gives an unhappy, hangover-style MOAN.

RARITY

Wait, Lyra, let me tell this part!

(she turns to the readers)

And so, still drunk while it’s the dead of night, she trots up to Lero, who’s fast asleep in bed, lowers her haunches so those those big breasts of hers smoosh square in his face and when his eyes snap open, she asks him: “Were THESE what you’re missing so badly?”

In spite of themselves, all three of them laugh, even Twilight.

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

It took me FOUR DAYS to find a way to counter that spell!  I felt SO self-conscious with those things on me!  Ponies kept asking me where I was hiding the foals and trying to guess who the father was!  They were practically scraping the ground!  I felt NAKED with those giant things dangling from my underbelly... naked in the HUMAN sense of the word!  

(smaller, shyer voice)

But it wasn’t ALL bad.  Lero had a way of massaging them that felt REALLY NICE.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Question 7: Warpd Asks:

Dear Lady,

Go away, no one likes you.

Her Ladyship stares forward at you with fathomless eyes.  

HER LADYSHIP

Cá bhfuil mo ridire?

Ba mhaith liom mo ridire.

Beir mo ridire.  

The intensity in her voice brings goosebumps to your flesh.

Question 8: Warpd Asks:

Dear Dinky Doo:

Whenever Lero is over to watch you does the TARDIS sometimes steal you both away for a quick adventure?

DINKY DOO

Hasn’t happened yet... but knowing the TARDIS, it’s only a matter of time before Lero DOES get brought along on one of Dad’s journeys!  Practically all you have to do is come over the house long enough, and one way or another, you’re practically fated to get sucked into one of our adventures!  I wonder if that’s part of why he volunteers to foalsit me so often?  I just KNOW Lero’s going to be the universe’s BEST companion, because he’s already the universe’s best foalsitter!  Ask me that question again some other time!

Question 9: Taffer Asks:

Dear Discord:

Is Celestia promising you anything for your cooperation in this?

Discord swivels around in a swivel chair.

DISCORD

Why, yes!  As a matter of fact... she is!  Now, you didn’t hear this from me... but she promised me that in exchange for maintaining the Bewitchment for however-long the Swap lasts for... I GET TO CREATE MY OWN SAPIENT RACE!  Yes, indeed!  Oh, with one perfectly agreeable caveat: they have to be just as good-natured as ponykind is.  

He does a happy loop-the-loop in the air.

DISCORD

Now, you didn’t hear this from me either, but I’d’ve done it for FREE just for Fluttershy’s sake... but Celestia thought I ought to get some reward out of the deal, and frankly, it didn’t take much convincing!  Now the only problem is: I can’t decide what kind of race I should get?  Mortal Draconequui made into my own image?  Humans, maybe? Or... how’s THIS for a possibility: I go and pick some random animal: dogs, pigs, gophers, panda bears... or KANGAROOS!  Sapient kangaroos; that’s what the world’s been lacking!  Or I could bring a dinosaur race back to life... I just... can’t... DECIDE!  I’ve been reading up on so many illustrated science fiction pieces for inspiration...

Suddenly, a cuckoo bird jumps out of a floating cuckoo clock.

CUCKOO BIRD

Lero alert!  Lero alert!  Lero alert!

DISCORD

Oh, NO!  He’s at it AGAIN?!  

The draconequus snaps his fingers, teleporting him straight to Lero’s side.  Lero is coming up to Sweetie Belle.  Discord is completely imperceptible to both mortals.

LERO

Hey, Sweetie Belle?

SWEETIE BELLE

Yes, Mr. Lero, sir?

LERO

I’ve got some questions I’d like to ask about your sister.  Got a second?

SWEETIE BELLE

Sure!  I just LOVE talking about Applejack!

Discord gives a LONG-suffering sigh.

DISCORD

(to himself, as a mantra)

The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory...

Question 10: Taffer Asks:

Dear Berry Punch:

Red red wine. UB40 or Neil Diamond?

BERRY PUNCH

Merlot, of course!

And Berry Punch pops the cork on the bottle she has, raises the bottleneck to her lips and takes a long, long chug of red, red wine.