Fuck it. Let’s just go.

It’s time for the next chapter of the story that I fucking loathe, Family Bonds.

I guess that one part that makes this so hard is that I have no idea when this thing is going to end.

Not that I have a choice. I started this, and I’m not going to let it beat me.

And so it begins again.

        twow: ...Are we gonna get in trouble for this?

        Pinkie: I doubt it. You still have your license on you, right?

        twow: Never leave it.

        Pinkie: Then it’s good!

        twow: Fine by me.

        Rainbow Dash: (from TV) What are you two doing?

        twow: We’re trying to break reality.

        Dash: I thought you two said you weren’t going to do that anymore.

        Pinkie: It’s okay! We’re going to do it in a controlled environment.

        Dash: You might wanna put that on hold.

        (The lab doors slam shut and lock)

        twow: Ah, a riff. Might be nice for a little break.

        Pinkie: What’s the story, Dashie?

        Dash: (sighs)

        twow: Aw, hell.

        Dash: Yeah. It’s the next chapter of Family Bonds.

        (Pinkie instantly flat-manes)

        twow: This story needs to die. Pinkie can’t take much more of this.

        Pinkamena: I’m fine. Let’s get this hell over with.

        twow: You bet.

        Dash: I’m sorry you two. Good luck.

        *BUZZ*

        twow and Pinkie: We’ve got story sign!

As Carrot Cake walked down the street, he could see happy couples going by with smiles on their faces, enjoying their lives like they should.

        Pinkamena: “Do. Like they do.”

        twow: Silly Pinkie. This isn’t our universe.

Normally he would feel happy, but for the time being he felt a bit worried. Much like on his earlier walk his mind was swarming with questions. What started in an effort to figure out lots of them only ended up with him having more.

        twow: “How maybe places does pi actually reach?”

        Pinkie: “Can you make cake out of bits?”

“Can’t believe he of all ponies is a…pedophile,” Carrot said, still trying to get over finding out his closest friend lusted after his own daughter as well, and apparently other socially acceptable males in town were the same as him.

        twow: You’re not the only one, buddy.

        Pinkamena: You just agreed with him. Think about that.

        twow: But STILL.

Thinking about it more made Carrot feel weak. Filthy was able to hide that secret from him for the longest time and didn’t show any signs of being attracted to his daughter. Of course thinking about their family, Carrot got a better understanding of it.

        twow: This universe is full of horrible ponies?

When Filthy’s wife passed away, he seemed lost and broken from the world until his daughter moved closer to him to provide comfort. Being the daddy’s girl she was, she refused to see her dad broken like he was and must have sought to comfort him in the most unconventional or best way possible, straying from the path most would take.

        Pinkamena: Is the story implying that Diamond started to have sex with her father?

        twow: Would not be surprised. This story hasn’t been on my good side.

It wouldn’t be the first time Carrot heard a story like that play out.

        twow: And it won’t be the last.

        Pinkamena: Not in this world.

Another case similar to Filthy’s was the Apple family. After both parents died, both Applejack and Macintosh were so lost they drank most of their hard ciders supplies dry before they both had sex on the cellar floor, in order to forget about their loss. 

        Pinkie: They forced the problem out.

        twow: Eh. That one kinda fell flat, Pinks.

It was baseless rumors sadly, since they both disappeared on the funeral day, only to appear the next hung over and crawling out of a cellar.

        twow and Pinkamena: BLUH.

        twow: I swear. Next it’s gonna be Celestia screwing Twilight.

“Wonder if Macintosh himself is a part of Richie’s group,” Carrot muttered quietly while keeping his eyes trained on the ground, only keeping tabs on the few feet in front of him.

        Pinkie: Does he have a little sister?

        twow: I think he still does...

        Pinkamena: THEN PROBABLY YES.

Bringing his eyes up he froze as he saw his home, beckoning him to come closer. Every second felt like a century as he stared at the place, knowing very well that a nightmare could be waiting for him to enter.

        Pinkie: It’s dark blue, has large wings and a BIG horn!

        twow: Please. I’d love for Nightmare to crash this party.

“How can I go back to that house…” Carrot thought to himself. “I failed as a husband to my wife and as a father to my kids. God, I wish Pinkie was here to cheer me up. Why did she have to go out with her friends to fight some nameless evil in the Badlands?”

        Pinkamena: SO I DO EXIST!

        twow: You aren’t going to be throwing any parties when you get back.

Carrot continued to stay put as his eyes watched his home and his bakery. He needed some kind of reassurance to tackle it. Even if Cup Cake didn’t know yet, she would find out for sure when Pumpkin got home. If he kept it quiet until then, it would be very much worse than telling her about it himself. Swallowing back his fear, he started to walk again…

        twow: Then he got tackled and thrown into prison.

        Pinkie: There’s gonna be a prison party!

~~~

Cup Cake sat quietly at her table, silently letting her eyes wander around the place. Her eyes went from the kitchen stove to a nearby picture before they stopped. She noticed a picture frame holding a single image of her and Carrot back when they first got together.

        Pinkie: I bet you forty bits that we’re gonna be told something that we already know.

        twow: I might as well pay you now if I take that bet.

 Looking closely she noticed how much more beautiful and fit she was. She was no longer young or beautiful in her eyes. She was a slob, a fat drunkard who stopped caring because her husband didn’t touch her at nights anymore.

        Pinkamena: twow, stop trying to put the goldfish bowl on your head.

        twow: It fits this scene!

She started blaming herself for Carrots actions after she heard about it from Pound Cake. She could have noticed his affections for her daughter early enough to stop them properly; instead she ignored everything and drank herself into forgetfulness. She could have prevented this, she could have stopped it and now she was paying for it.

        Pinkamena: twow! STOP!

        twow: IT’LL WORK! LEAVE ME ALONE!

“It’s all my fault,” Cup Cake pouted softly as she rested her head against the table, still staring at the unattractive parts of her body.

        Pinkie: Like her hairline!

“He’s just as to blame yet I should have stopped caring for what others thought.”

As her words ended, her mind started to think about her children, especially to Pound Cake.

“I’m no better than he is, He defiled my little girl but I just did what he did and…oh God, I raped him. I raped my little baby.”

        Pinkamena: Yup. You alright, twow?

        twow: Don’t worry about me...

Back when Cup Cake was in the bed with Pound Cake, the only thought on her drunken mind was any sort of revenge against Carrot. Now that she wasn’t drunk she could see the error of her ways, and felt nothing but shame for her actions.

        twow: If Pound feels shame about being raped, I’m quitting this story.

        Pinkamena: Would Dash even let you?

        twow: She can try me.

Slowly Cup Cake pulled her body out of her seat and turned for the fridge, in hopes of finding something to help her sorrow. As she opened the fridge and stared at the vodka bottle within her reach she paused. She wanted to drink it more than anything but something held her back, telling her drinking would only worsen everything to come.

        Pinkie: So she decided to binge eat birthday cakes.

        twow: That’ll help the pounds.

 Cup Cake took a deep breath and closed the fridge before she pressed herself against it, trembling and teary eyed.

Letting her body slide down the fridge, she sat her haunches on the floor and stared outward at nothing in particular. The only thing that answered back was the ticking of the cuckoo clock nearby.

        Pinkie: It was telling her the code.

        twow: Up, Up, Down, Do- wait. Wrong one.

“How do I fix this?” Cup Cake asked herself, trying to think of someway to repair her now broken family.

        twow: Start by telling your son that you’re sorry as SOON as he wakes up.

She wished Pound Cake never told her anything, that way she could have been ignorant to the whole matter. She wished she never let the idea of revenge and lust cloud her better judgement.  What she wouldn’t give to look beautiful again and hope to draw Carrot back in with her beauty, yet she was old and working off any excess weight would take forever to do.

        Pinkamena: But well worth it.

        twow: Damn, that would take a while though.

With a loud sigh, Cup Cake pulled herself up and started walking for the staircase. A shower was what she needed and hoped it would clear her mind, letting her think easier. Only one thought came to her mind and though it sounded dumb, it stuck with her as she continued to trot about.

        twow: Like rubber on glue.

        Pinkie: That sounds like something I’d say. You’re learning, T!

        twow: Joy...

“Seduce him to loving you again. Be the kind, tender mare you were when you were both happy as can be. Make him lose interest in your daughter and hope for the best. You’ve lived with him most of your life and you know what he loves and what makes him tick. Decades of practice made you the mare that he should covet, desire, and lust over.”

        twow: And a few years of neglect made you two rape your children.

        Pinkamena: Talk about the dangers of neglect.

Even with those thoughts running through her head, one (or in this case, two) glaring facts punched her square in the cerebellum. He raped their daughter and she raped their son. That could be fixed as long as they agreed to keep it a secret forever.

        twow: No, no NO! That’s the exact reason that I’ve had issues with it my whole life!

        Pinkie: (hugs twow) You’re doing a lot better now, ya know.

She wished there was a way to strengthen their family bonds in a way that everything seemed…right. Maybe, just maybe if the whole family loved each other equally, everything could slowly return to being better.

        twow: Yeaaaa-no.

“You’re on par with him, maybe he just needs his lust to be forced out of his system, showing that she was the better lover than their daughter.” Cup Cake thought before she had a startling revelation.

“THAT’S IT!” She shouted out to no one in particular as she stopped walking just before the staircase.

        Pinkie: “I NEEDED TO USE VINEGAR!”

        twow: That’s some creepy sex.

Her idea was a long shot but it was the most effective idea she could think off. Word wouldn’t get out to the town about what happened and everything could slowly work itself back together.

Have a family orgy. 

        Pinkamena: FUCK THIS STORY!

        twow: (sighs) I kinda just want to die right now...

Let Carrot openly have their daughter. Cup Cake could play puppeteer with both of them easily. Carrot may have been old, but like a teen, he is easily swayed around mares. Let Pumpkin try to play around with him.

        twow: Ignoring the fact that they already DID.

She may have been young, svelte, eager, and so many other definitions, yet she didn’t have a clue how sex worked and would no doubt ask mommy for help. She would help but tend to Carrot himself and show him she was still the lusty mare he fell in love with.

Pinkamena: So let me get this straight? She’s going to get Carrot back with her, but letting him fuck her daughter?

        twow: Yup.

        Pinkamena: Did the author even THINK about that plan first?

The only problem with her idea was the wildcard, Pound Cake. She could try to manipulate him but unlike Pumpkin, Pound Cake was a very articulate pony. He wasn’t naïve, and she couldn’t figure out what to do with him. If she wasn’t reckless with him earlier then her idea could work. As much as she wanted to just ignore his presence in the house, she couldn’t.

twow: Okay. This is going to sound horrible, but if she drugged him, then he wouldn’t have to be part of the orgy.

        Pinkie: That would defeat the purpose!

        twow: OF?!

        Pinkie: Family Bonding!

        twow: TITLE DROP! ...curse you, Pinkie Pie.

        Pinkie: Be happy, T! I probably won’t have a lot of happy moments.

“Damn it!” She cursed under her breath as she turned her body slightly so she could sit on the staircase.

“Gods why couldn’t Pound Cake be a more adventurous teen, seeking to sate his curiosity with his young, and beautiful sister?” Cup Cake knew incestual relationships were taboo in Equestria but it would provide her with a way to work things in her favors.

        Pinkamena: It’s like the story isn’t even even TRYING to redeem itself.

        twow: It realised where it was going, said “fuck it” and continued on its task.

 A devious smirk fell across Cup’s face, and for an instant she figured out how to play with him.

“What’s stopping him from doing so? Maybe, just maybe I can push Pumpkin away and have her seek comfort in Pound Cake.

        twow: Oh good. I always like THIS angle with those two!

 They’ve both had a taste of the adult life and would surely love to sample it again. Even if they grow up keeping the relationship, I can weave it so they appear as very caring siblings to the public’s eye.”

        Pinkie: ...Can I please just stay angry all the time?

        twow: I’d rather you didn’t.

Cup Cake knew the flaws of her plan, but she was determined to get her husband back. Worst case scenario, Pumpkin would get pregnant with Pound Cake’s child but Cup Cake knew ways to prevent that. If she had to, abortion would be the only choice in the matter.

        twow: FUCK! YOU!

        Pinkamena: Damn. And I thought I got pissed.

 Pound Cake had no choice but to play the part of a scapegoat for her plan to work. She knew she was sacrificing so much of her morality and common sense for her plans but she didn’t have time of think of another. She wanted her stallion back.

~~~

twow: Alright. She’s going to basically not only fuck their children again for her to get Carrot back, but she’s also going to set her kids up together.

        Pinkie: That’s not the best way to resolve conflicts.

Outside of the house, Carrot stood in front of his door, fearing what waited for him. For him it was a miracle he didn’t turn tail and find the first train to the west coast. As fucked up as he acted, he still had a sense of morality left in him, making him do the right thing and do…something that he couldn’t think of yet.

twow: Morality: The act of sexually abusing your offspring and believe that you didn’t do anything wrong.

        Pinkie: Where can I get one of those dictionaries?

How would he tell his wife that he was sexually attracted to their daughter and already gave into the worst of taboo’s? How would he break the news to the mare he shared a large part of his life with only to fall to his young temptress of a daughter who didn’t even need to raise a hoof to bend his will?

        twow: With your mouth, lungs and vocal chords.

“Fuck! Why did she have to be so beautiful and me so fucking weak!?” Carrot cursed at the ground, fuming over his own weakness.

        Pinkamena: If that gets answered, then we don’t even need to riff the rest of this.

Carrot went quiet, hoping some unheard answer would greet him, saving him from his disaster. The only sound that greeted his ears was the sound of the wind blowing soundly, and a few birds singing in the distance. Forcing his eyes back up, he felt a bead of sweat run down his neck, making his body shiver with a bit of fear.

        Pinkie: Silly! All ya gotta do is just tell her!

        twow: Yeah. That conversation will end well.

 Taking a deep breath to try and relax himself, Carrot thought of how to break the news.

“Hey sweetheart! Did you know I fucked our daughter this morning?”

Too up front.

        twow: Not up front enough, if you ask me.

“Cup Cake can…we take a small walk and talk about something?”

He would just stall and feel weird talking to her about what he did in public.

“Cup Cake, you and I need to talk about something very important, but I suggest we sit down first.” The final idea seemed to be the right one for him to use, yet he failed to keep his words in his head letting them slip out, catching the attention of a nearby mare leaving her house.

        Pinkamena: “Make sure you don’t have any liquid in your mouth.”

“Wife problems neighbour?” Carrots ears were filled with the sound of a certain unicorn mare he had come to know well over the years. Turning his head slightly, his eyes caught the sight of the minty green mare, Lyra Heartstrings, walking up to him.

        twow: “You have NO idea...”

“Oh, hi Lyra,” Carrot replied, letting himself relax. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” He added in a lower tone.

“Hmm, want a shoulder to lean on? I’ll hear you out if you want talk about it,” She asked him as she sat down on her haunches.

        Pinkie: I’m not so sure she’d be the best to talk about this with.

        twow: Pinks, NOPONY is the best to talk about that with.

Carrot smiled briefly and sat down as well. Lyra was a very caring mare when around her friends and family and loved to try and cheer people up. She was like Pinkie, just less nutty and with more self-control. One flaw she had was she was too open at some points, giving ponies the wrong impression of her. Maybe this mare would help give him the answer he was looking for.

        twow: Any answer besides “go to a marriage counselor” is WRONG.

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Carrot knew he would have to be careful with his words but knew Lyra was on the same level as him. She was married after all and to a mare as well. Sure there was a lot of neighsayers who detested the idea of same sex marriage in Equestria but Carrot had no quarrel with her or her ‘wife’ Bon-bon considering both were regulars at the shop.

        twow: That word made me cringe.        

        Pinkamena: That word made ME cringe.

“Have…you ever done something stupid enough that you knew Bon-Bon would be very enraged with you?” He asked, cutting his words.

“Ah you’re having wife problems it seems! Yeah I did. Once I woke up with her mouth around my horn and though it scared me, I moved closer to get a better feeling of it!”

        Pinkamena: Come again?

twow: The horn is a egrousious spot in some of these stories. I don’t know if that’s true in real life.

She replied with almost no hesitation in her voice. “She ended waking up and getting mad at me for using her, but we worked it out and made up about a day later,”

Carrot froze as she spoke so openly about an act like that, and almost lost the words he wanted to say to her.

        twow: They slipped out and broke on the ground.

        Pinkie: More fragile than glass.

“E-ever do something really horrible that you two almost ended up breaking up?” He asked, shaking off her previous answer.

Lyra frowned at him but quickly looked around to make sure no one was listening. She seemed a bit nervous to tell him about what she was thinking of.

“Can you keep a secret?” She said pulling his lanky body close to hers.

        twow: Well, he hasn’t told anyone about fucking his daughter yet.

        Pinkamena: You’re good, Lyra.

For a brief second, Carrot felt like he was back in Filthy’s house about to learn something he wished he didn’t want to hear about.

“Sure, I promise my lips are sealed.”

        Pinkie: “And I don’t even have to use the duct tape this time!”

“Well…It was about a year after we got married actually. We were hitting a rough patch in our relationship and we sought other ways to…comfort ourselves,” There was a hint of embarrassment in her words as she spoke to him.

“Di-Did both of you…”

        twow: “Dance? Oh hell no.”

        Pinkie: “Disco is so dead, don’t you know that?”

“Cheat on each other? Nah, well not me actually, I turned to books to ease my pain. Learned a few things that helped relationships get along better and a bit of mythology,” Her voice was starting to sound a bit more eccentric as she weaned into the end about mythology.

“And what about Bon-Bon? You said only you didn’t cheat.”

        Pinkamena: That means that Bon-Bon DID.

        twow: (rubs his head) Tired...

“Hm, I did imply that didn’t I? Well sadly it’s true, she did. Caught her in bed with some mare one day after I finished early at the bar. Some hussy from Dodge Junction. It was…rough to say the least,”

        twow: She decided to jump in. (smacked by Lyra)

        Pinkamena: You deserved that one.

 Lyra looked a bit uncomfortable as she brought up sour memories.

        twow: Not quite unlike a lemon.

        Pinkie: I think it’s more like a lime.

“How did you deal with it?”

        twow: “I killed the bitch.”

“As any pony would. Got upset, broke a few vases, yelled a lot, and accidentally scorched the wall with magical fire.”

        Pinkie: You don’t always have to use violence!

        twow: But it feels good.

Carrot felt nervous as he wanted to pull himself away from her. Everything felt too casual about her sentence, especially when she spoke about the magic fire like it was no big deal.

        twow: She has these freakouts regularly.

“Of course me and Bonnie worked our way around it. It didn’t happen instantly and we did visit a therapist for advice and such for a few months, but eventually we ended up staying together and being happier than ever!”

        Pinkie: “We’re even going to adopt soon!”

        twow: “It’s a boy.”

“You almost seemed…relieve to tell me of this Lyra,” Carrot was noticing subtle changes in her posture at times.  Barely any fidgeting, keeping her eyes stuck on him, like she wasn’t struggling to let the words out, and he was sure the air around her felt less…heavy.

        Pinkamena: Now she was ready to fight.

        twow: Eh. I don’t know...

“Never really talked about it since no one asked. I only brought it up since you and your lady seem to be in a rough patch, and…well I saw your little girl run out of your house earlier, signaling something must have been up. Heard Pound Cake shouting at her as well but didn’t catch what he said.”

        twow: Seems legit to me.

        Pinkamena: I’m wondering why Lyra didn’t try to catch Pumpkin.

Carrot froze up at the thought of his daughter running out and knew his worst fear had happened. Pound Cake heard everything that went down and no doubt told Cup Cake about what happened while confronting his sister as well. Now he would have to deal with a drunken angry mare that would no doubt beat his skull in with an empty alcohol bottle.

twow: No, but you are going to have to deal with the fact that your wife did the same thing you did.

        Pinkamena: Only she was drunk. ONLY difference.

“Oh god, why didn’t I lock the door?” Carrot asked himself, feeling a bit more faint than usual.

“It’s…very complicated for me Lyra,” Carrot said nervously noticing the mint mare was giving him a worried look. “Let’s just say that I…strained my relationship with both my daughter and wife.”

        twow: Was that last sentence even NEEDED?

        Pinkie: Its been taking lessons from Ninja Comma.

“Thought as much, but I trust you can fix it. I won’t pry about the details if you don’t feel like sharing it with me. You’re a good stallion, Carrot. You care for your wife and kids very much. Just remember families aren’t perfect alright? We all go through problems, big and small, yet we patch them up and put them behind us.”

        twow: “And only a few of us actually rape each other.”

        Pinkamena: Okay, that was dark for you. Even if you’re in a dark place.

“If it was only that easy for me…” Carrot thought, biting his bottom lip.

“Hey, stop looking so glum will you? If you think it’s that bad, I could give you the card of the therapist me and Bonnie visited.”

        twow: If she can help, I need to get her number.

        Pinkie: No ya don’t. You’ve got me for that!

        twow: (hugs Pinkie) You bet.

 Lyra suggested noticing her little pep talk wasn’t getting the results she hoped for.

        Pinkamena: It’s a little hard to cheer someone up that’s raped their child.

        twow: Cookies and milk. Fixes everything.

“That…would be something I would like,” Carrot admitted, knowing it would take professional help to fix his mess.

Lyra grinned and bounced up slightly.

“See! You’re already taking the first step in trying to fix your relationship, however I’m running late for my shift so I’ll drop off the card tomorrow when you’re open alright?”

        Pinkie: What if they never opened?

        twow: Then the card would never be delivered.

        Pinkie: (gasping) OH NO!

Carrot smiled and nodded his head at her. He felt a bit of relief but nowhere near where he wanted it to be. Still, it was something for him. He knew Lyra and Bon-Bon went through the same crisis as he’s going through and they worked through it. Sure they didn’t have kids, or end up fucking them, but it was still a bit of level ground to work on.

        twow: No. It’s actually not.

        Pinkamena: It changed as soon as you inserted your penis into her.

 With a simple goodbye, Lyra trotted off, leaving the stallion to his own thoughts. Turning his body back to his door, the fear he felt before returned to him, weighing him back down. Thanks to Lyra’s small tale and words of encouragement, Carrot felt a bit reassured and slowly formulated a way to break the news to his wife. With a deep breath, he reached for it and turned the handle…

        twow: And it exploded!

        Pinkie: CANDY FOR EVERYONE!!!!

~~~

The sudden sound of the front door opening signaled to Cup Cake that her husband had returned home from his visit with Filthy. Jerking her eyes up, both individuals froze as their eyes connected. For Carrot, he could see the look of a mare that was taken out of extreme thoughts and almost felt like she was thinking something that Carrot wouldn’t be too keen on.

        twow: She’s not quite ready to see her naked.

        Pinkamena: We’re always naked.

        twow: I rest my case.

 For Cup Cake she could see the fear and hurt in his eyes, showing he was very reluctant on returning home.

Cup Cake wished she had a bit more time to think of how to play her plan out. She had the basics covered, but saying the proper words to get the plan in motion without looking suspicious was the hard part.

        twow: Her cardboard box and red exclamation point was in the corner.

 What she wouldn’t give for a few extra minutes of time for that. With a loud sigh, she pulled herself up and slowly trotted towards him. She had no choice but to make it up as she went…

        Pinkamena: Down to hell for her crimes.

        twow: Let’s get out of here.

        (Pinkie’s mane poofs back to normal and she passes out)

        twow: (catching Pinkie) Oof!

        Rainbow Dash: (from TV) Is she alright?

        twow: I can’t wait for this story to be over. She’s alright, for now.

        Dash: What’s going on?

        twow: The title of the story is affecting her, really strangely.

        Dash: Really now?

twow: It’s a mental thing. The first two chapters angered her so much that her brain is wired to flip whenever she has to riff it.

        Dash: Yikes.

twow: Yeah. If this story keeps up, she’ll be in a permanent state of switching emotions.

        Dash: Maybe it’ll end soon.

        twow: Maybe. Either way, I’m not looking forward to the next chapter.

        Dash: Neither am I.

        twow: Go ahead and hit the button. I’ll make sure Pinkie’s safe.

        Dash: Alright.

        (Dash hits the button, turning the TV off with a blip.)

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: "Silly Applejack." There, fixed it for ya.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: ...that sentence makes no sense.

Jack Crossman:

FlutterJack: I did. It was awful. I still have the taste of metal in my mouth.

SC: Sparkz once tried making a cake out of computer bits.

Sparkz: I liked it! Electrifying taste.

Calcutta: That shocked ev'ryone else that tried t' eat it silly.

Sparkz: Not my fault.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: Even a broken clock's right twice a day. I mean, unless it was pulverized with a sledgehammer or something.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: No, it's implying that that's what Carrot thinks. Not that that's much better.

Yosie Schwaniger:

SC: ...Oh right, *incest* fic. Of course.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: Voldemort?

Ryan Wills:

Tatsurou: It's probably a good thing you aren't there, though.  If you were, it might have been you getting it on with Carrot in Chapter one.

... how exactly would Pinkie making love with Carrot be worse than him fucking his own daughter?

Tatsurou: Given the style of fanfic it is, Pinkie'd probably end up raped.  As is, at least Carrot still feels protective of Pumpkin, even if he knows he did something horrible to her.

True, but pinkie would know what he was doing, and be better equipped to fight him off. Not to mention if he somehow did manage it, her friends would be there to help. I think even Pinkie would prefer it to having pumpkin raped.

Tatsurou: I guess that is a valid point.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: You sure about that? You might be a figment of your imagination.

Stranger things have happened.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: You forgot to mention that you did so with alcoholic breast milk. Mustn't forget the most ridiculous part of the whole thing.

Mustafa Yousif:

But sometimes rape victims are ashamed. They feel like it was their fault, or they could have done something to stop it. Was it really rape? they think. Or did I really want it?

twow: I said that because that's what I've been fighting.

Yosie Schwaniger:

Sparkz: TITLE DROP!

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: Again, intoxicating breast milk. Vinegar is the LEAST of my worries.

Ryan Vail:

One-Up: Always worked for my family!

And here I actually had hope this story would go a better direction.

One-Up: You set your hopes to high.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: I'd rather not.

Jack Crossman:

FlutterJack: If you want, I can let you borrow the gun I have that goes straight through the riffer immortality. As long as you aren't part Time Lord, you should die.

don't tempt the riffers with a quick death. especially since it would create a paradox.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: Don't be Applejack, Pinkie, the answer is obviously no.

Mustafa Yousif:

Suddenly, "Pound my Pumpkin" crossover.

Mustafa Yousif:

Hentai Logic FTW!

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: In other news, the ocean is wet.

One-Up: And Donald Tru- Fuckface von Clownstick makes a fool of himself of Twitter.

Yosie Schwaniger:

SC: Morality 2 is still technically morality.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: You mean the daughter that knows nothing about sex? Yeah, totally a "temptress".

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: What do you have against the word "shop"? :P

Yosie Schwaniger:

SC: Maybe because the horn is better connected to the brain because... magic?

The general theory on horns being an erogenous zone is based on how they would need to have a certain degree of sensitivity to work magic at all. Its not so much the horn itself reacting though, its the magical aura of the horn.

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: "Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flow'r is sweet/But the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat."

Joseph Rasche:

Warrior: ALCOHOLIC. BREAST. MILK.

Ryan Vail:

One-Up: On a page of my own.