“Whoo-hoo hoo hoo!” Ryan screamed ecstatically, throwing her arms out behind her as she ran. “Did you see the looks on their faces?”

“I know, that was awesome!” Lyra agreed, running beside her. Berry Punch ran a little dizzily on Ryan’s left, keeping up the pace.

“Saviors of the fuckin’ town, that’s what we are!” Ryan cheered, pumping her fist. Granted, most of the town looked pretty destroyed by the Parasprites already, but at least they’d gotten rid of them. Better late than never.

“So – huff! – why are we running?” Berry asked her, trying to keep up with Ryan’s long strides.

“Because!” she said, lurching happily forward. “That place we passed on the way to the Parasprites?” she pointed out a dingy looking, run down bar with a mostly boarded up window. A small, rickety wooden sign hung outside, looking like it was ready to fall off at the behest of the next gust of wind.

“Yeah?”

“It’s still there! The Eight-Bits!” Ryan grinned, urging herself onward even faster.

“Yeah, and?” Berry asked, and even Lyra looked a little confused.

“And,” Ryan explained, “I don’t give a shit what time it is, we just saved the town! They’ll be overjoyed to give us booze! Lots and lots of free booze!”

“How can you be so sure?” Lyra questioned, trying to keep her breathing even as they slowed their frantic pace.

“I’m not; but just in case they don’t, you’re payin’ for the drinks.” She glared daggers at him, and Ryan wiped the sweat from her brow, shoving the wooden door open hastily. The cool air inside buffeted them comfortably, and the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and alcohol washed over them. She breathed in contentedly, anticipating the sweet, angelic alcohol.

Ryan’s eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, and widened in shock. The first thing she noticed was that, just as before, the bar was much larger on the inside than it appeared.

Secondly, it was a different size and shape than the last time as well. Cigarette smoke wafted in a light blue hue from the bar, drifting and twining lazily around the circular ceiling. A couple of slowly spinning fans dangled down from above, like bloated wooden arachnids. The only thing that really remained the same about the bar was the glass topped counter, and the lime green bartender with the sandy mane and bland, bored expression.

The smoke drifting up from the bar held her attention more raptly, however. Or, rather, the person smoking. Much to Ryan’s pleasant surprise, there was another human inhabitant.

Closely followed by Lyra and Berry, she wound her way through the nearly deserted bar and reached out a hand to lightly tap the stranger on the shoulder.

Instead, the silver barrel of a gun wound its way directly into her neck.

“What.” The man, which she could see clearly now that she was closer, had light blonde hair, falling down onto a deep black leather duster. His voice was coarse and angry, awaiting an answer without turning around.

Ryan promptly jammed her finger into the barrel of the gun, and said “If you point that at me again, I’m gonna ram a crowbar so far up your ass you’ll get shiny new iron fillings.”

The man turned on the spot, spinning on his wooden stool in surprise. Wide, energetic sky blue eyes met her beady black ones, and for a split second, Ryan felt that she had just done something very, very stupid.

“… I’m gonna say again. What?” the strange man stood, drawing himself to his full height as he holstered his silver pistol, opposite from a gleaming black one. They were quickly covered by his duster, however, and he spun back to the bartender with a glare. “I thought you said there weren’t any people here?”

“There weren’t. There are now.” he replied in a low, gravelly voice, continuing his wiping of the already spotless counter.

“Sweet,” Ryan said happily as she glanced at the mint colored unicorn beside her. “My other reason for getting here so quickly? It’s the only place I could find with other humans.”

“Oh, hey, Lyre-Unicorn-Thingy. Who’s the dumb broad?” he said, jamming a thumb in Ryan’s direction. Her eye twitched visibly, and she slowly began reaching into her pocket. “Try it. Go ahead, punk. Make my millennium,” he added without even looking, and Ryan ceased her attempt to light the bastard on fire.

“… Do I know you?” Lyra replied curiously, staring at him.

“… ‘The fuck do you mean? I’m the one with a memory like Hillbilly’s grandmother, not you. It’s me, ‘Nix. Remember?”

She ogled at him, head twitching back to him from Ryan, then back again. “I… I’m sorry. I’ve never met you before in my life.”

The man began reaching for his pistol again, giving Ryan a hateful scowl. He stopped when he saw the bartender shake his head ever so slightly.

“We get all sorts in the Eight-Bits,” he said slowly. “Or do we need that discussion again?”

The blonde man’s scowl deepened, and Ryan crossed her arms across her bountiful chest. However, when she did so, they slowly deflated.

The man stared at this new development, watching Ryan’s bountiful ‘joy bags’ steadily lose girth, shrinking. Every inhabitant in the bar stared in astonishment as they loudly deflated, letting out a very long twin whistle akin to that of air being let out of a couple of balloons.

“… Well.” the man stated, staring. “I gotta say; I have not seen a girl do that shit before.”

“I was a man yesterday,” Ryan responded miserably, rubbing her arms uncomfortably. She also noticed that her voice was slowly becoming deeper, more husky.

“Look, keep your crazy shit to yourself, and I’ll do the same.” The man pulled another cigarette from within his breast pocket, and a tiny whirring ball of flame momentarily floated haphazardly above his fingertip, which he used to light his new cigarette. “… ‘Name’s Nix, by the way. Phoenix. Now,” he leaned back slightly on the stool, “I’m only gonna say this once. Either you put Lyre-Unicorn-Thingy’s mind back the way it was, or I’m gonna redecorate this dump in brain matter grey. Capiche ?”

“… Miller.” Ryan said, his voice finally returning to its normal tone as his body completely readjusted itself to his previous gender.

“… What?”

“Miller. Ryan Miller,” he said, extending his slowly growing hand. Old scars gradually reappeared, and several thin tufts of hair appeared on his arms with light pompfs. “And I didn’t do anything to Lyra.”

“Bullshit,” the man snorted, staring intently at Lyra for a few seconds. A strange blur of light danced behind his eyes momentarily, before he looked back at Ryan. “… Huh. Guess you weren’t lyin’. That ain’t Lyra.”

“Excuse me?” Lyra demanded, taking a seat on the opposite side of Ryan. “I’m right here. I’ve been Lyra Hearstrings since the day I was bucking born.”

Nix snickered knowingly, taking a deep draft of his dwindling cigarette. “Sure as hell sounds the same, though.”

“Can someone please explain to me what the fuck is goin’ on?” Ryan asked, and Berry Punch merely shrugged, motioning silently for the bartender to bring drinks.

“I just figured it was a pocket dimension, or something like that.” Nix said, puffing on his cigarette. “I guess it’s more like a… waypoint, maybe.”

Ryan cocked an eyebrow, looking at the deep brown cider the bartender dropped wordlessly in front of him. “Sometimes it’s here, sometimes it ain’t. And I can’t fuckin’ get anybody to talk about it.” He grumbled, taking a drink of the lightly spiced cider. It was bad enough he didn’t have anything stronger; then again, he didn’t have to pay for it.

“Perhaps I can be of some assistance.” Both human’s heads snapped around so quickly you could hear them crack.

A twin pair of chestnut colored ponies stood directly behind them, both earth ponies. Each had a light orange mane and bright green eyes, and were two of the few ponies either Ryan or Nix had ever seen wearing any kind of clothing. Both wore identical tan suits with a green tie, identical aside from being the opposite gender of each other.

Nix was much more surprised than Ryan was, glaring at them angrily. “How the fuck did you sneak up on me?”

“I never ‘sneak’ up to anyone; we’ve been here the entire time.” The female replied.

“We only just got here.” The male said, giving a small smile.

“Holy shit, it’s Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Tard,” Ryan gaped.

“The Eight-Bits is always here,” the male continued, blinking. His female companion carried on, “Except for when it isn’t. It was never built.”

“It is.”

“It was.”

“It shall be.”

“It hasn’t been.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Ryan said, holding up both hands. He left his drink behind to give them his full attention. “No! No riddles. I fuckin’ hate riddles.”

“Oh, dear. As you both are and are not. I think you could find-“ the male began.

“The situation quite disagreeable,” the female continued, not put off by Ryan in the slightest. “Merely two sides-“

“-Of the same coin.”

“Don’t you find it strange that we-“

“-Finish each other’s sentences? I think it would be stranger if we didn’t.”

Nix summoned a glowing sphere of fire in one hand, calmly judging the two before him. He reached out in search of energy, but detected nothing there. Oh, there was plenty of energy in the 8-Bits; some of it was even coming from the human next to him, which he regarded with dim surprise. “Okay, either you two fuck off, or I get Swordspony to come here and kick your asses for me. Seriously, I bet he’s just itching to fuck somepony up.”

Ryan began slowly edging away from the fire-wielding demon next to him, eyeing the flame warily. He’d had a few too many bad experiences with fire. That wasn’t to say there weren’t any good ones…

“Or maybe I just turn you both into charcoal.” He finished threateningly, and his bright blue eyes glowed with an ashen fire. The pair of humans heard a small stamp from a dimly lit corner, drawing their attentions.

“No, don’t do it!” a feminine voice cried out from a dark corner.

“Hush, Elizabeth. This is just getting good.”

“Oh, fuck all of – where’d they go?” Nix blinked in the spot the odd ponies had been, the fireball puffing out of existence.

“That happens sometimes here. Seen it happen to Dan, too.” Ryan murmured thoughtfully, scratching his chin.

“We get all sorts in the Eight-Bits.” The lime green bartender said blandly, his face blank.

Berry Punch sighed, turning back to her own drink. “I’m gonna need a lot more alcohol before any of this starts making any sense,” she groaned unhappily.

“Wiser words were never spoken.” Ryan agreed, draining his own (small) mug. “Got any more?” he asked the bartender hopefully. The lime green pony merely regarded him with silence, and placed another mug of cider in front of him.

Ryan’s mind buzzed with thought – indeed, it was going to take a lot more alcohol.

“… So, it’s like a different Equestria, but it’s the same shit.” Ryan restated drunkenly, trying to keep his eyes focused.

“I… I-I don’t even… I don’t even know, man.” Nix replied, chugging down another mug of the seemingly endless supply of cider. Ryan had foolishly attempted to drink him under the table.

He quickly dismissed this possibility after Nix’s seventy-sixth mug. “I mean, I just kinda… y’know, go with the flow.” He said, running a long-fingered hand through his blonde hair. “This is definitely one of the weirder dimensions I’ve been to.”

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed with a chuckle, bumping Lyra with his elbow. “It sure ain’t no Brooklyn. Hey, Lyra. You should –hic! – you should go there. To, uh… Brooklyn.”

“What, you mean with more humans like you jerk-offs?” she asked wryly, already regretting the amount of liquor she’d downed. She knew that she’d regret it in the morning, and Bon-Bon was likely to make sure of it. “I think I’ve had my fill of rude hairless apes, thanks.”

Berry Punch snored softly in the stool next to her, head drooped over onto the glass bar. It fogged slightly with her breath, and multiple empty mugs littered the area around her. Of the trio that had tried to outdrink the fire flinger that was Nix, only Berry had come close. By this point, however, she was likely to have more alcohol than blood in her system.

“Hey, I am a fuckin’ gentleman, thank you very much,” Ryan grinned, showing his sharp teeth.

“I think I liked you better as a lady. At least you didn’t smell as bad.” Lyra shot back with a small smile.

“Speakin’ of which,” Nix interrupted, leaning lightly against the bar to get a better look at the mint colored unicorn across from Ryan. “how did that even happen? You fuck up your life force, or somethin’?”

“Eh?” Ryan grunted quizzically. “Life force? No, man. I tried smokin’, uh… what’d Zecora call it. Poison Joke.”

Lyra giggled, imagining how that particular happened. “Now, that I’d have liked to watch go down.” She said, taking another drink.

“Okay, my turn fer – hic! – question. Uh… question…. Question. That shounds weird.” Ryan pondered this for a moment, scratching his chin before shaking his greasy head. “Right. How’d you do that fire thing?”

Nix glanced at him, thinking. “What, this?” he summoned another whirring ball of orange and blue flame between his fingers, brightly colored red burning talons blazing over his hands. “Bitch, please. I blow up universes regularly.”

“Oh, yeah?” Ryan said hazily. “Well, I saved the whole fuckin’ town-“ Lyra coughed loudly, thumping her chest with one of her hooves. “Uh, I mean, we saved the whole fuckin’ town.”

Nix snorted, grinning as he took yet another drink. By all rights, he should have been at least slightly inebriated by this point. What he wasn’t telling anyone was that he was constantly regenerating his molecular structure, preventing him from getting drunk.

It was handy.

“I punched Cthulhu. In the face.” He leaned back on his stool, a look of supreme satisfaction settling onto his features. “… And he exploded.” He added, almost as an afterthought.

“Oh, yeah?” Ryan spouted immediately, refusing to be outdone. “Well, I drove a woman insane. She tried to kill me.” He attempted to lean back in a similar fashion to Nix, nearly falling off his stool as he did so. “With my dick,” he bragged.

“Christ, no wonder she went nuts. I’d go kinda crazy too, looking for something that isn’t there.”

Lyra coughed, laughing into her drink, nearly spilling it when Ryan spluttered and fell off his stool. He lay on the floor, cackling as he gazed up at the ceiling. “F-fucker,” he chortled, dragging himself back up. Ryan watched as Nix pulled another cigarette from the packet inside his breast pocket of his leather duster, and he motioned to the fire flinger to hand him one.

“… Know what? Here.” He said lowly, handing Ryan the entire packet. Ryan gazed at it in wonder, tears nearly in his eyes.

First free booze, then cigarettes. Today was a good day.

He tucked them into his pocket for later. “… Thanks, man.” Nix merely snickered, not doing a very good job at hiding it.

The door behind them burst open with a loud slam!, and Ryan and Lyra jumped. Nix, however, merely watched with a bored expression. “Saw that coming,” he said quietly, holding up a finger.

Ryan’s blood froze when he saw the impossibly tall, dark figure standing in the doorway. It was the same being he’d seen before, in the Everfree Forest. Thin, spider-like appendages, and ludicrously tall. He stood nearly to the ceiling, the white shirt and blood red tie standing out starkly from his black suit. The suit itself seemed to meld together with his arms, and Ryan couldn’t even tell them apart.

Either that, or he was more drunk than he thought.

What disturbed him most about the figure, however, was that it didn’t have a face. White, round and almost sharp looking, the head turned directly at Ryan. The slender figure held out an arm, motioning for him to follow.

Ryan glanced at Nix, confused. “Hey, don’t look at me, man. I don’t have the fight in me for Eldritch abominations right now.”

“… ‘The fuck is an ‘Eldritch abomination’?” Ryan asked with his heart in his throat, eyes flickering wearily back to the slender figure in the doorway.

“Technically a temporal anomaly, verifiably indicating the quantum-“

“Hush, Elizabeth. This is getting good.”

The figure merely stood in the doorway, extending a long, black hand toward Ryan. Oddly enough, he couldn’t see the sunlight outside. “… You’re serious.”

Nix shrugged again, snapping his fingers. Another barstool, empty save for a couple of drained mugs, immediately sauntered over to him on rubbery legs. He threw his own legs over it, leaning against the bar to watch the scene unfold.

… How the fuck did he do that?

The tall, blank faced slender man urged Ryan forward again, nearly impatient. Ryan sighed, looking around and seeing that nobody was going to come to his support. Berry might have if she were conscious; Lyra merely stared in wide-eyed horror at the thing, desperately trying to make herself seem smaller.

“… Aw, hell no. There’s no way in-“ Ryan was promptly cut off by Nix, who grabbed him by his shirt collar. Ryan jerked in surprise, and discovered at the wrong moment that the fellow ‘human’ was much, much stronger than he looked. Lifting Ryan over his head like a missile, he hurled him directly at the slender man in the doorway without a moment’s hesitation.

As it turns out, Ryan retained some of his previous features left behind by the Poison Joke.

For example, he screamed like a woman.

Which he desperately tried to convince himself was completely a side effect of the Poison Joke.

Ryan shrieked, slamming directly into the dark figure. A writhing mass of screaming black tentacles appeared in a smoky blur, blinding him as they hurtled at high speed through the doorway and vanished into the night.

“… Whelp, put it on Lyra’s tab.” Nix said satisfactorily, calmly waltzing out the door.

After a few moments of silence, one of the wooden fans fell from the ceiling with a clunk.

“… Mac?” Lyra said to the lime green bartender. “… I’m gonna need another drink before any of this starts making sense.”

“We had a deal, Carlos! No kids!” Ryan screamed hoarsely, throwing himself over the broken body of the little boy.

Not that it would do much good – if he wasn’t dead already, he was likely to be soon. Ryan felt sick with disgust; to discover what Carlos and his goons had done to the child’s parents, and right in front of him, no less.

It didn’t make it any better that they were his neighbors.

“Always late to the party, aren’t you?” Carlos Caesar stared at him with cold, calculating eyes, sitting calmly in the freshly bloodied armchair. It wasn’t like Carlos to make such a mess; then again, he brought along Bruno. Bruno liked to be messy. The gargantuan behemoth of a man leaned against the wall, fingers dancing expectantly along his favorite Glock.

“We had a fucking deal!”

“Yes, about that; you still owe me. A LOT,” Carlos stated calmly, as if he were discussing the weather. He used the boy’s mother as a footstool, resting his feet as if nothing were out of the ordinary. It wasn’t like she was going to complain about it any time soon, anyway.

“You’re not gettin’ your fuckin’ money back!” Ryan screamed at him, hoping to distract him long enough to clasp the switchblade in his back pocket.

“… I’m sorry, what was that?” Carlos said, and for the first time, Ryan saw a hint of displeasure mixed in with his usually emotionless features.

“I said, the money’s gone! All of it; it’s all gone!” It was technically the truth. Ryan had used every single dime to support his cousins.

Carlos stared at him blankly, before turning his head and snapping his fingers. “Bruno.”

Ryan took his opportunity and kicked the pistol out of Bruno’s hand, flinging the knife at Carlos as he did so. He heard the scream, and the sound of the mountain of a man scrabbling for his gun. By the time the pockshots began flying overhead, Ryan was already bounding away with the child in his arms.

Faster. Why can’t I ever be faster?

Ryan tumbled into the street, gazing up at the night sky. He heard a shriek of terror as he nearly crushed an empty fruit stand, before realizing that it had come from his own mouth.

Oh, there you are. I see you’ve learned how to hide from me. Any other tricks up your sleeve?

Ryan groaned, rolling over the splintered remains of the cart. He gave himself a once over, searching the area for the faceless man. However, he was nowhere to be seen. The entire street looked completely deserted. When he turned back to face the 8-Bits, he found that (unsurprisingly) it was gone once again.

“Christ,” he grumbled, hands flying to his aching lower back. “just… shut up. I didn’t learn any tricks, fucker. I’m not a pet dog.”

Ooh, touchy, Discord mocked him. Much to Ryan’s dismay, his vision had lost its drunken hue. As a matter of fact…

Ryan patted himself down, smelling his breath and touching his own nose. “… ‘The fuck? I should be drunk as hell right now!”

Oh, I absolutely agree. That’s the best way to get anything done, really; whilst completely inebriated.

“Fuck off!” Ryan yelled into the air angrily, stuffing his hands into his pockets. In one was his trusted Zippo. To his delight, in the other he found the slightly crushed packet of cigarettes Nix had given him. He pulled them out with a grin, only to open the cardboard box to find…

“Son of a bitch, he smoked ‘em all!”

Ryan stomped the packet into the ground, gritting his teeth and holding back a few choice words that he’d reserve for the fellow human should he see him again.

“Like it could get any fuckin’ worse!”

And that’s when it began snowing.

Author's Notes:

A special thanks to firefeng, for allowing in an awesome cameo.
Check out his story below; it's worth the read.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/81009/memories-of-a-phoenix