"Hey Rainbow, you drunk?"

"Huh? Nah, no way."

"Yeah you are."

"You can't prove it."

"Yeah I can. You're WALKING."

That seems to jolt her awake, and she jumps and starts flapping her wins, only to bellyflop on the ground.

"Gravity's a bitch, huh? Always keeping you down."

She laughs at that, and jumps on my shoulders.

"What the hell?"

She spreads her wings and presses her chin against the top of my head.

"Dashie, what the fuck are you doing?"

...and now she's making plane noises. Goddamn she's wasted.
Oh well, might as well have some fun.

I start chasing random snob ponies, screamins as I run at them with my near empty whiskey bottle in hand while Rainbow Dash makes weird loud noises.

"TEMPT NOT THE BLADE, ALL FEAR THE SEEEEEEEEEENTINEL!"

They scatter like roaches and we both laugh heartily. If I weren't that drunk, I'd probably be thinking something along the lines of 'damn I haven't had fun like that in fucking years'.
Oh... right. I was going home. That means, I need to go back to the train station.

"I gotta go home, Dash. Gonna take the train."

She nods, but stays where she is until we arrive there, at which point she jumps down. Too drunk to question her following me, I approach the pony who sells tickets. He gives me one and I enter the train car, with Rainbow still with me.
I'm not too sure why she didn't need a ticket. Maybe because she was behind me the whole time, and I'm large enough to hide her completely so the pony didn't see her?
Or something like that...

I take a seat and wait for the train to depart. Rainbow doesn't seem to be feeling too good...

"Hey Dashie, you alright?"

"I uh... yeah, I think."

"Nah you're not, you're fucking wasted!"

"Sh... Shut up!"

"Dat comeback."

She weakly hits me in the arm with a hoof. "You're not much sober than me!"

"No, but I had much more to drink."

"I hate you."

"About time you were honest with yourself. You hate me as much as I hate you, right?"

She leans into me and lets out a small sigh. "Y-yeah... Totally. You idiot."

Suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, the train stops.

IT BEGINS.

We're inside some kind of tunnel or something? Weird shit.
I start walking towards the locomotive and enter it, despite Rainbow Dash's attempt to restrain me. The driver cocks his head upon seeing me, before going back to his blasé look.

"The hell's going on? Why we ain't moving?"

"See for yourself, buddy."

From what I can make out in my drunken haze, there are four ponies dressed in white drapes or something, with torches.

Wat . jpg

And with a large burning cross...? In the middle of the tracks?

1.21 giggowats . jpg

"See, they're having their little meeting, blocking the tracks for about an hour... They do that regularly."

How the hell are the tracks, presumably made of wood, NOT burning?

"Well get their asses outta here then!"

"I can't. These ponies are dangerous."

"Oh. Well then, man the fuck up and run them over!"

"No can do, buddy. I'm not a-"

"FFS SUCK ME OFF FAGGOT"

"What?"

"You know what, motherfucker? Eat a dick, nigga, I'm tired of yo-"

Dash stops me and drags me out of the locomotive, and back to our seat. Whatever.
Looks like once again, it's up to me to sort shit out.

I walk out, ignoring the driver still yelling about how dangerous they are and how I shouldn't go out.
Hell, I'm dangerous too. I have emotional anger issues.
I go to bed early for this shit. ONLY TO WAKE UP AND POP ONE IN A MOTHERFUCKER

Walking along the tracks, Rainbow is following me, desperately trying to stop me from making yet another costly mistake. I arrive in front of the train, and what I see looks like a pony equivalent of a Ku Klux Klan meeting. Four unicorns covered in large, white robes, with holes for their eyes and horns. They're waving torches around and singing shit that makes no sense, and doesn't sound like any language I ever heard of.
I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow.

If they were against black people, I would consider joining them for shits and giggles, and for large amounts of induced butthurt, but here... all I wanna do is go the fuck home. So I walk in the middle of them, and scream.

"BLUE POWER, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

They stop whatever it is they were doing and look at me. Rainbow Dash is STILL tugging at my pants and whimpering, pleading for me to stop before it's too late.
One of them grabs her in his telekinetic grasp and brings a small blade to her throat. Drunk and tired, she realizes with horror that she can't fight back, and starts hyperventilating.

"BACK AWAY YOU TALL HAIRLESS MONKEY THING! BACK AWAY OR I'LL CUT HER!"

"Shit, nigga. That was edgy as fuck."

I ain't gonna back away. I'm gonna fuck this pony up. He hurts Dash, he dies. When motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get-

"BACK THE FUCK AWAY, I TOLD YOU! I'LL SLICE HER THROAT!"

"Nah. All you're gonna do is shut the fuck up and let her go, that is, if you value your life."

He gives me a 'oi m8 u trippin fookin ell' look and starts snickering.

"Look, we got ourselves a badass over here..."

The others start snickering as well, and Rainbow Dash tries to speak. "He'll... he'll do it! He has issues, he won't back away! He's gonna hurt you if you do anything to me!"

"Your partner's a cocky pegasus."

"What do you stupid pricks want anyway?"

They all raise their torches and scream. "UNICORN POWER! UNICORN POWER!"

"Yeah? Well, unlike the princesses, you don't have wings so you're still NOT master race, get over it."

They look at each other like dumb fucks before thrusting their torches even higher and screaming even louder.

"MALE UNICORN POWER! MALE UNICORN POWER!"

Goddamn I'm too tired for this shit.

Wait... Their torches are above their heads, and I'm in the middle of them. If I can just... Yeah, that's gonna work.
I crouch down in the middle of the racist crowd and take a sip of whiskey. Oh man, that's good shit. I said that like twice already but damn.

"MALE UNICORN POWER!" I scream, attempting to set my plan in motion.

Being the stupid fucks they are, they don't even care that I'm not a unicorn and go back to thrusting torches upwards while screaming. I discreetly take as much whiskey as I can into my mouth, and stand back up.

That motherfucker who's holding Dash... Hah! He better have BURN HEAL.

I lean back, making sure he has his back turned towards me and I thrust my head forward, spitting the alcohol on his torch. Sure enough, a large trail of fire makes its way downwards, singeing his mane and upper back.
He screams in pain and surprise and lets go of Dash, his blade and his torch. I swiftly grab the latter and fucking slam it into his head, knocking him out, while the other three just stopped shouting, attempting to realize what the fuck just happened.

I take a few steps back, holding the torch in front of me. "Rainbow! You okay?"

"I... I think I am." she says weakly, before quickly trotting away from them, and behind me.

The three of them are waving their torches around, trying to scare me off.

"WHOA! WHOA! I AM WAY TO UNSTABLE FOR THAT BULLSHIT. STOP ALL THE GODDAMN MOVEMENT."

I put the torch down and grab Dash by the tail, somehow managing to squeeze her under my arm, while holding the bottle in my other hand.
My precious.

"Back. The. Fuck. AWAY."

They don't, instead choosing to advance on me, still waving their torches... Idiots. Foolish, moronic idiots.

"Rainbow... I need your help. Here." I say, opening the bottle and bringing it to her face. "Take as much as you can and keep it into your mouth, spit violently when I tell you to."

"Wha-... What? Why?"

"No time for this shit, do as I say!"

She reluctantly fills her mouth with alcohol and I drop the (now empty) bottle, cracking my knuckles one-handedly. With the blue pegasus still under my arm, I grab the torch with the other and slowly make my way behind the giant burning cross.

"I'm giving you one last chance. Fuck off, and no one gets hurt."

Of course, they don't listen. Why would they?
Positioning myself right behind the cross, I slightly lean down so that Dash's face is below the burning horizontal board, and to the side of the vertical one.

"Alright, I see you choose the hard way. That don't make me no difference."

They walk towards me, slowly closing in...
Wait for it. Wait for it... NOW!

"NOW! SPIT!"

Rainbow Dash empties her mouth, putting as much pressure as she can, unleashing a massive stream of inferno at the three unicorns. A purple forcefield appears out of nowhere and deflects my 'fire', and both Dash and I get a taste of our own medicine.
Fucking hell this HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

FIRE IS HOT
2HOT4U CANT HANDLE

Rainbow's mane is burning, and the look in her eyes makes me snap. It hits me like a fucking freight train, and I realize something I should have realized a long time ago.
I put the fire out by clenching her mane in my hand, burning myself in the process, but I don't even care.

They start laughing, and I feel the most insane hatred I have ever felt slowly creep into every fiber of my being.
They hurt Rainbow Dash. They fucked with Rainbow Dash. They fucked with me.
It. Is.
ON.

I literally drop her and keep the torch in hand, with the strong intent of using it as a club to crack their motherfucking skulls. The forcefield is still up, and I snicker at their lack of knowledge of the gloriously superior human race. Slowly advancing on them, I lay the torch down again and reach a hand out for a the forcefield. Sure enough, it goes right through it, and before they can even realize I bypassed their magic, I flick the only glowing horn.
It instantly shuts down, and while they're trying to process what I just did, I pick the torch back up and fucking smash it against that horn.

How it is NOT broken is beyond me, but its owner is down for the count. Two down, two more to go.
I grab one of them, and set fire to his 'clothes'. While he tries to magic the clothes off him, I turn to the last one, who's now attempting a stealthy retreat.

"Give me your torch, and I won't hurt you."

He seems to be pondering over that option. "I... I- NO! NEVER! BACK AWAY!" he starts screaming again, frantically waving his torch at me. He's doing it with a hoof though, so it's clumsy as fuck and has no range.

"Fine. You burn, then."

I throw 'my' torch at him, and sure enough his clothes catch on fire. He starts screaming and trotting around, rolling and attempting to put out the flames.

FRYYYYYYYYYY, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Not quite giving a shit about the two burning unicorns, I grab the two unconscious ones and drag their bodies away from the tracks. I'm not sure if they're dead or just badly hurt, but frankly I don't give a shit. The other two are running away, slowly managing to get some clothing out of the way, but still they're gonna be pretty fucking charred by the time they manage to take the whole thing off.

Suddenly, a fifth unicorn out of nowhere.
What do?

He's wearing the same accoutrement, and is apparently attempting a Horn Drill attack or something. I sidestep him somehow, my speed actually INCREASING when I'm drunk.

I wonder if he reads the bible regularly.

Adrenaline starts pumping like a motherfucker as I sidestep yet another rush. Unicorn, and not attempting magic? Either he's drunk, or he witnessed my little display of human superiority earlier.

"Your marefriend is one ugly whore! Inferior scum, street trash! I've been sucked off in rave bathrooms by better looking crack addicted hookers!"

...did he? Did he just...
I mean, they can insult ME, for all I give a fuck... It doesn't touch me.
But did he seriously just insult HER?

Oh well, gg.
It's over for him, beautiful match but it comes to a swift end now.

As he goes for yet another strike, I roundhouse kick him in the chest and I pounce him as he goes down, pinning him to the ground.

"OH YEAH, LOOK AT YA. YOU WAS POPPIN' ALL DAT GOOD SHIT A SECOND AGO, AND NOW YOU GOT KICKED IN YO CHEST!"

I rip his clothes off and spit on him, before getting up and kicking him violently in the ribs. The cracking sound is like music to my ears.
The anguish cries of the damned...

Damn, fighting got my ass pretty far from the train. I'm like fifty feet in front of the locomotive. That's one wide ass tunnel, too. Easily twenty feet wide. I walk back, hearing a distant scream which I ignore as I start to help Rainbow up.

"You for real? You gon' stay down with a lil' scratch like that?"

Her eyes go wide. "Oh, SHIT! WATCH OUT!"

This time, I don't have time to sidestep and his fucking horn barely misses my back. Thankfully, his 'shoulders' violently slam into my ass, the massive bulk and excess flabby fat act as cushion, resulting in me barely feeling it. Or maybe it was alcohol?

Before he can get up, I grab his horn and yank it backwards, before slamming his head into the ground. Relieving in the fear in his eyes, I adopt a calm, serious tone.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men."

I stand up and put my foot on his neck, slowly applying more pressure as he begs for whatever the fuck it is he thinks I'm gonna break.

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children."

I let go of him, go grab the bottle lying on the ground a few feet away and smash it on the ground. As he tries to get up, I quickly come back and push back down on his neck with my foot, before bringing a sharp piece of broken glass to the side of his head.

"And I will strike down upon thee, WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

I slowly drive the razor sharp 'blade' into his cheek, cutting through the soft fur and flesh as he starts crying in a mix of fear and pain.

"AND YOU WILL KNOW I AM THE LORD, WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON YOU!"

I slash his neck, leaving a good three inches long gash along the flesh.
Not anywhere deep enough to be lethal, or even seriously injure him, but that'll teach the motherfucker not to fuck with my pony. Or with me, for that matter.

I lean down and whisper in his ear. "Next time, I'll cut you open like a fucking turkey. I'll rip your fucking guts out and hang you dead with them in the heart of the darkest cavern in the Everfree. Do you fucking feel me, friend?"

Seeing how he's doing nothing other than faintly sobbing, I nod and smirk. "I suggest you disband your little group, too. Unless you want me to get my bitch Celestia to take care of that herself."

Forgetting about Dash, I walk back into the train and rip a fire extinguisher off the wall. I feel like Arnie or something.

I spray the burning cross until it's nothing more than a pile of embers, and I kick them out of the way, before walking back in to the train.
As the adrenaline slowly stops flowing, my surroundings become increasingly blurry and my head heavy.

Trying to steady myself by grabbing hold of something, the world starts spinning around me as pain and awareness come back at full force.

"Oh shit! Rainbow! Where... Fuck, I... Where... Rainbow Dash... I..."

A random passenger pony extending his hoof in an attempt to catch me is the last thing I see before falling backwards, and out of the train car, blacking out as my head hits the ground.

---

...Man, that shit hurts.
Even opening my eyes hurt. And where am I, even?
Luna's bedroom? What in the name of fuck?

My head hurts something fierce and my hand appears to be burnt, though not too badly. Rainbow Dash is lying beside me, a small portion of her mane missing, and a few bandages on her face. She has a tiny patch of fur missing on her left cheek, with slightly burnt, reddish skin exposed.
Her breathing is heavy, but slow and steady. At least she's alright... I swear I'd have never forgiven myself if something had happened to her.

Wait.
Luna's bedroom? Yet another dream? Get the fuck outta here.

I scream as pain shoots through me. I should have known better than trying to get up too quickly after a night of drinking and... what the hell did I do already? What could have caused Dash and I to get burnt? And physically hurt?

The dark blue alicorn smiles at me.

"We are most relieved to see thee awake. Thy friend appears to be fine, too."

"Princess, fuck off please? This ain't the time to get into my dreams, shit is going on in real life! Rainbow and I are-"

"This is no dream. We have found thee passed out on the train tracks, along with Rainbow Dash. We saved both of you, and brought you back to our bedchambers so that we could take care of you. Thou art immune to magic, so regular doctors could not have fixed thee up. However, due to what we believe to be a side-effect of the stronger kinds of dark magic we had to resort to using back on the Moon, our magic seems to affect thee."

This is so idiotic on so many levels, but it still makes more sense than most of what happened last night.

"So, your magic is actually more potent than your sister's?"

"We do not know. It is a somewhat different kind of magic, and it-"

"I don't care, actually. Is Rainbow Dash going to be alright? Please tell me she's gonna be fine..."

"Of course she will. We bandaged her up and while we couldn't do anything for her mane and wing, our sister will most certainely be able to fix her up as soon as morning comes."

"What? Her wing?"

"She has a broken wing. Thou do not remember it happening?"

"What? Fuck... No! I... I was drunk... and so was she."

"We know. Alcohol seems to be a very potent drunk. Thou must be careful when thou decide to drink."

"Yeah, whatever, I guess. Look, princess, I... uh, wait, what the hell were you doing on the train tracks? And how did you find us?"

"We watch over the night. It is our duty to help and keep our subjects safe and sound through the darkness of our beautiful night."

"I could have used some help back there, before I... wait, what the hell even happened? I remember the train tracks, and... not much else."

"Thou got into a rather heated battle with some members of the Nights of the Crystal Empire."

...Knights of the Crystal Empire? What the fuck kind of new shit that now?

"What the fuck kind of name is that?"

"They are not from the Crystal Empire, they are a group of... radical unicorns. They believe Earth ponies and pegasi to be inferior."

"Really? Same shit as we had back on Earth..."

"We see. Anyway, thou fought them and protected thy friend. We would have been highly flattered to have somepony fight for us the way thou did."

"Uh, really? What the hell did I even do? Did I have a flamethrower or some shit?"

"We are not sure. It appears as though thou used a special kind of occult, arcane human techniques involving a bottle of ethanol and a source of fire. As well as the use of thy hindquarters as a shield."

Holy shit it's coming back now. I burnt the motherfuckers down. And...

"OH FUCK! I used Dash! I had her helping me without even... without even caring! She got her face fucking charred, and I just dropped her like a sack of shit and finished the fight without even attending to her! That was fucking stupid and... Oh my God, I deserve to be kicked in the fucking ballsack for having done such foolish shit!"

"Do not be hard on thyself. Thou did was thy heart told thee to do."

"Well yeah, I... Wait, what?"

"Thou listened to thy heart. The sight of them hurting Rainbow Dash filled thee to the core with burning hatred and a desire of vengeance that could have rivaled ours back on the Moon. Thou let any rationality aside and, as thou put it, 'fried the motherfuckers'. Is that how thou say it?"

I let out a small chuckle, but quickly stop any attempt at laughing. Fuck me.
No pain, no gain... I must be about to gain some serious shit.

"Yeah, I burnt the motherfuckers down. Say, princess, what time is it?"

"Five in the morning. Our sister will be up in about an hour."

Taking a look at the still unconscious pegasus, my heart sinks once again.

"Can't you patch her up? It really fucking pains me, I mean, I don't know why, but seeing her like that... shit, it just hurts me."

"We would rather not. We cannot give her proper care without waking her up. Thou are much larger than her, and over four times as heavy, on top of being a male. Thou can handle alcohol far better than she ever would. The sooner the wakes up, the more brutal her hangover will be."

Right, she has a point. And what the fuck, I'm not even hung over. My head hurts because I fucking fell backwards from the train car, but that's about it. And what the fuck, she's sleeping?

"Is she sleeping? Or unconscious?"

"Thou are not conscious when sleeping, are thou?"

"Well, I guess not. Unless you come into my dream."

"We are sorry, as we said, we-"

"Nah, nah don't be, it's cool. I would have never... tried to spend time with her, if you hadn't visited my dream. But then, this shit wouldn't have happened either..."

"Do not blame thyself. Thou were not very responsible, but thou did what thou thought was right. This is very recommendable."

Man, Luna is fucking weird. On one hand, she's basically oozing spaghetti and feels whenever she opens her mouth, but on the other she makes me feel like I'm talking to some ancient sage or some other shit, like the typical two centuries old wizard with a ten feet beard living in a cavern and shit.

"We need to take a shower, now. We will be going to be soon. Would thou care to join us for either?"

My hear skips a beat as I start blushing like a faggot. "Uh... I, uh... I don't know, I..." I look at Rainbow Dash, and then back at Luna. "No. I don't want to, I'm sorry princess. I don't think it would be... right."

She gives me a heartfelt smile. "Very recommendable, indeed... We were not serious anyway, thou need to rest. Feel free to lie down."

"Thanks, Luna."

She enters what I assume is the bathroom, and I lie down, turning to Dash, who is sleeping on her belly with limbs curled to her side, somewhat like a dog. Thinking of it, those ponies are about the size of a large dog.

WOW SO SMALL MUCH PONY VERY SIZE WOW SUCH MIDGET HORSE

Anyway, I decide to curl up against her and wrap an arm around her. Holy fuck how can her coat be so soft and warm?
I'm totally cuddling this shit.

Reliving into the feeling of FINALLY having 'someone' near me, I fall asleep faster than I ever did in my entire lifetime.

---

A/N: Bad Boys II + Pulp Fiction.
Ezekiel 25:17 über alles.