Act I Scene II

(Luna, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Trixie enter)

Applejack: Sir Wizard!

Luna: WHAT?!

Applejack: Well excuse me, Sir Wizard! We have to take the Minstrel to meet with the castle steward!

Trixie: Right this way, please!

Twilight Sparkle: I'm on my way to Normandy. I won't be staying long.

(She and Trixie exit)

Luna: You know, for your father's sake, I've put a good deal through you, just because we were in show business together. We don't presume.

(She hits Applejack in the stomach with a rubber chicken and they exit. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash enter.)

Fluttershy: My darling Sir Harry! You missed the test.

Rainbow Dash: (Laughs) Silly Larken; my new responsibilities keep me busy.

Fluttershy: The latest princess was a failure.

Rainbow Dash: (Gasps) No!

Fluttershy: Yes!

Rainbow Dash: Bad luck! But do not despair, for we have plenty of time. If a new princess is not found in the next few months, then I shall go out and find one myself. Or else, I don't deserve to wear my spurs.

Fluttershy: Harry, do you remember that royal joust that Sunday when you won those spurs?

Rainbow Dash: Yes.

Fluttershy: And did you recall Sir Harry, the fairest and bravest knight in all the land and everyone said that you had a promising future ahead of you that you may one day become Prime Minister?

Rainbow Dash: (Laughs) I don't know about Prime Minister.

Fluttershy: Do you remember that picnic we had on the green tarp with the lovely cold pheasants?

Rainbow Dash: Yes.

Fluttershy: And you and I wandered away from the others to climb the hill and watch the sun go down?

Rainbow Dash: Yes.

Fluttershy: And there was a lark singing in the tree and you said that you'll remember this moment forever because the lark's song reminded you of my name?

Rainbow Dash: (Glomps on Fluttershy) Yes.

Fluttershy: Well, you see… I'm going to have a baby. (Rainbow Dash gives Fluttershy a blank stare) So the princess for Dauntless must be found soon or else, I have to go away somewhere. (She starts to cry)

Rainbow Dash: Well why should we both suffer for the rest of our lives because you had a moment of weakness?

Fluttershy: Oh, Harry!

(She hugs Rainbow Dash)

Rainbow Dash: Well, nobody's perfect. Everything's going to be alright.

Fluttershy: Oh, thank you, Harry!

Rainbow Dash: It won't be long, it won't be long

It won't because it can't be long

Before our dream comes true

Because you know, I don't belong

And, furthermore, I shan't belong

To anyone but you

Fluttershy: In a little while, just a little while

You and I will be one, two, three, four

In a little while I will see a smile

On the face of my son-to-be

Forever hand in glove

Is the way I have it planned

But I'll only stay in love

If the glove contains your hand

In a velvet gown

I'll be coming down the isle

And it's bound to see as though

The waiting's only been a little, in a little while

Rainbow Dash: How soon, my love?

Fluttershy: November.

Rainbow Dash: November?

Fluttershy: My time is at a premium

For soon the world will see me a

Maternal bride-to-be

I know I mustn't worry, Harry

Still, I wish you'd hurry, Harry

Harry, marry me

Rainbow Dash: In a little while, just a little while

You and I will be one, two, three, four

In a little while, I will see a smile

On the face of our son-to-be

Forever hand in glove

Is the way I have it planned

But I'll only stay in love

If the glove contains your hand

I can see it all

Down to every small detail

And I wish you'd look around until you found

A castle in the neighborhood for sale

(Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash exit. Spike, Celestia, and Luna enter.)

Celestia: Dauntless, Pick up your feet, for heaven's sake. (Spike mocks her) And don't squint. I told you to never look at the sun.

Spike: (Annoyed) yes, mama.

Celestia: That's better. (Big Mac enters, chasing Cherilee. Cherilee giggles as she exits.) Sextimus! (Big Mac stops running) I told you once! I told you a hundred thousand times! I will not have you playing these foolish games and running around the halls!

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: It just isn't dignified!

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: We are the rulers of this kingdom and if we can't set a proper example for the people then no one ever will!

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: I mean what's the point of being a ruler if you keep behaving like a child?

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: WHAT?!

Spike: Mama, when am I gonna get my princess?

(Cherilee enters again and Big Mac chases her offstage.)

Celestia: Um, Dauntless, I don't want to discuss that right now. It's nearly time for—

Spike: Mama, sometimes I have the feeling that you don't want me to get married.

Celestia: Don't want you to get married? Dauntless, don't you trust me?

Spike: Well yes, Mama, but—

Celestia: Well then, how could you say such a thing? I do want you to get married. Just this morning I was talking to your father and I was saying "Sextimus, I want that boy to get married. It just isn't normal for a boy his age to stay single. After all, he is the prince and he is growing up; don't forget that. I mean we're not the oldest people in the world, but on the other hand, we're not going to live forever and I know that I will be much better, much easier, and much more relaxed in my mind if that boy were married and settled and set." And that was absolutely exactly what I said to your father this morning. (Spike mocks her) Of course, he didn't say anything. He never does, but you know him just as well as I do, you know how impossible he is. I don't want you to worry your head one tiny bit about that fact that your father and I don't belong, and never had. If he makes me miserable and he makes me suffer, well, I'll just have to put up with it. But I will not allow it to affect my child's attitude toward him and he may be a mean, nasty, selfish, dreadful man, but he is your father and I want you to respect him.

Spike: (Stage-whispers to the audience) Oh god, will she ever stop talking?

Celestia: There is only one person who really cares about your health, your happiness, and your future, and I want you to make myself absolutely clear. I want you to get married. I don't want you marry just any one; after all, marriage is a lifetime partnership. (She starts to cry) I wouldn't want you to mess up your life the way I did and wind up miserable the way I did and, after all you're the prince and you should marry someone who's suitable enough, and good enough, and nice enough, or, my beautiful darling baby boy, oh, and she must be a princess. That is the one thing that I absolutely insist upon. She must be a real, genuine, bonified princess; just as I was. That's what you want, isn't it? Someone like me?

Spike: Well—

Celestia: Of course, you do. Oh god, if only I were twenty years younger. (Cuts to Applejack, who plays the "punch-line drum" rim shot, then cuts back to the ongoing scene) But remember this, you must trust me.

(Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash enter)

Fluttershy: Your highness! Your majesty!

Spike: Hiya, Harry!

Celestia: Don't interrupt! (To Fluttershy) Well,

Fluttershy: Sir Harry wishes to speak to you, your majesty.

Celestia: Well,

Rainbow Dash: Your highness, I have the honor to request a perilous journey. I wish to search for a true princess; one who will not only suit you, your majesty, but Prince Dauntless as well.

Celestia: No!

Spike: But mama!

Celestia: No, no, no! We've been through all the princesses in all the neighboring kingdoms and there are none left. We'll simply have to wait until all the younger sisters grow up; and that'll take years.

Rainbow Dash: But, your highness, I plan to head north, over the mountains…

Celestia: Over the mountains?

Rainbow Dash: …And across the badlands, and into the swamplands, where the beautiful swamp-lily grows.

Celestia: Into the swamplands? Are you out of your mind?!

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: There isn't anything there but frogs and tadpoles and things and do you even know what the weather there is like?

Spike: Mama!

Celestia: It's humid and foggy and—

Spike: MAMA! Just let Sir Harry try!

Celestia: ALRIGHT!

Spike: Yay!

Celestia: Come along, Dauntless; you've missed your cocoa.

(She exits)

Spike: Good luck, Harry. Good luck.

(He exits)

Rainbow Dash: Don't worry, my dear Larken. I will find a true princess; one that will be able to pass the queen's test.

Fluttershy: I believe in you, Harry. We will be waiting for you.

Rainbow Dash: We?

Fluttershy: You know; and here; take this.

(She hands Rainbow Dash a handkerchief)

Rainbow Dash: I will keep it close to my heart.

Fluttershy: In a little while, just a little while

You and I will be one, two, three, four

Rainbow Dash: In a little while, I will see a smile

On the face of our son-to-be

Forever hand in glove

Is the way I have it planned

But I'll only stay in love

If the glove contains your hand

Both: In a velvet gown

I'll/you'll be coming down the isle

And it's bound to see as though

The waiting's only been a little, in a little while