Act II Scene I

(Celestia, Luna, and the ensemble enter. Lyra sneezes)

Celestia: Quiet!

Ensemble: Quiet, the queen insists on quiet

She ordered twenty mattresses, the softest and the best

And she's threatened execution if we dare disturb the rest

Of her very special guest, she's ordered

(In groups)

Quiet, quiet, the queen insists on quiet

She ordered twenty mattresses, the softest and the best

And she's threatened execution if we dare disturb the rest

Of her very special guest she's ordered

Quiet, quiet, the queen insists on quiet

She ordered twenty mattresses, the softest and the best

And she's threatened execution if we dare disturb the rest

Of her very special guest she's ordered

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

Celestia: Please!

Ensemble: Shhhh!

Celestia: Sheets!

Pipsqueak, Bon Bon: Right!

Celestia: Pillows!

Twist, Dr. Whooves: Right!

Celestia: Blankets!

Silver Spoon, Octavia: Right:

Celestia: Mattresses!

Diamond Tiara, Derpy: Right, right, right!

(The ensemble exits)

Ensemble: (From offstage) Bravo, bravo, bravissimo

(Lyra, then Bon Bon, then Octavia scream offstage. Celestia claps three times, and Luna claps three times. They exit and Applejack enters dancing as the ensemble claps offstage. Cherilee and Berry Punch enter, dance across the stage, and exit. Rarity and Vinyl Scratch enter, dance across the stage, and exit. Random ensemble members enter the stage bringing in sheets, blankets, pillows, etc. They stay on the stage giggling, until Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon shush them all.)

Celestia: (from offstage) Mares and gentle-colts! (Celestia claps her hooves to a beat and the ensemble repeats.) Jester! Jester! (Applejack hears her and runs off.) Somepony stop her! (The ensemble runs off screaming until Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Big Mac are the only ones left onstage.) Bring her here to me! (Big Mac tries to hide Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy) Now, you wretch, I want the truth! What is this noise about anyway? The moment I turn my back, something outrageous is always going on in the corridors! (Celestia and Luna enter from one end of the stage while Dr. Whooves and Rarity are dragging Applejack onstage.) Stop! (Dr. Whooves and Rarity drop Applejack) What is going on around here? (To Big Mac) What are you up to? (Big Mac pantomimes "eh, nothing") What?! There is something going on around here. (Celestia tries to walk towards the mattress, but Big Mac tries to stop her. Celestia pushes Big Mac out of the way.) What's under the mattress? (Celestia peeks under the mattress and sees Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. She screams) It's a dead body! (Twilight Sparkle comes out of the mattress) What are you doing in there? Explain yourself!

Twilight Sparkle: Um, your majesty, this is… a practical joke! Yes! (She pulls out Fluttershy) this colt and I were just… (To Fluttershy) go and wait for me outside!

Celestia: Wait! (Fluttershy stops) Lady Larken! Please take Princess what's-her-name's things to her room! Mattresses and all!

Fluttershy:Yes, your highness!

Celestia: Larken! What are you doing in that ridiculous outfit?

Twilight Sparkle: (over Fluttershy) your majesty, we can explain—

Fluttershy: Uh, I was just—

Celestia: (To Twilight Sparkle) shut up! (To Fluttershy) and why are you with this colt?

Fluttershy: Your majesty—

Celestia: Answer me!

Fluttershy: Your majesty—

Celestia: Explain yourself!

Fluttershy: I AM TRYING TO!

Celestia: You're running away! Is that it? She IS running away!

(She cries. Rainbow Dash enters)

Rainbow Dash: Larken!

Celestia: One of my girls!

Twilight Sparkle: Your majesty! The Lady Larken is innocent! I'll tell the truth! I was forcing her out of the castle against her will!

Rainbow Dash: Larken! What are you doing with this colt?

Fluttershy: What are you doing with that mare?

Celestia: Just a moment!

Rainbow Dash: You go to your room!

Fluttershy: You don't tell me what to do, you… you…

Celestia: QUIET! (Luna makes "whale-noises") Lady Larken, may I remind you that you are still one of my ladies-in-waiting. Now you go upstairs where you belong, and prepare what's-her-name for bed!

Fluttershy: Your highness—

Celestia: NOW! (Fluttershy runs offstage crying) And Sir Harry, step forward! Now, Sir Harry, I want this minstrel banished from my kingdom! I want her out of here by tomorrow!

Twilight Sparkle: No! Please! You got is all wrong!

(She and Rainbow Dash exit. Big Mac is seen dancing with Cherilee.)

Celestia: SEXTIMUS! (Big Mac stops and drops Cherilee) Go to bed! I don't want you groping around in the dark-hall night! (Big Mac exits) And the rest of you, listen closely! (The ensemble enters) There is a girl upstairs who is awfully tired!

Snips: Actually, your majesty, she's upstairs studying!

Celestia: Alright, let her study. But she still needs to get a good-night's sleep! So I want quiet! I want quiet and I'm going to get quiet even if I have to scream the palace down! (Rarity giggles) QUIET!

Ensemble: Quiet, quiet, the queen insists on quiet

Quiet, quiet, the queen insists on quiet