Act II Scene II

(Pinkie Pie and Spike enter. Spike is holding a book)

Spike: Spell "sum."

Pinkie Pie: "Sum;" S U M.

Spike: Now spell "summer"

Pinkie Pie: "Summer" S U M… E R

Spike: (in his own world) oh, you're so smart! If mama gives you a test on spelling or literature, you're sure to pass! (back to reality) So that leaves us with history.

(He grabs another book)

Pinkie Pie: History, that one takes in quite a lot so let's give it a whirl!

Spike: The first chapter is called "The Bravery of Prince Waldere."

(He makes a trumpet fanfare with his mouth)

Pinkie Pie: Waldere! I'll remember that.

Spike: (reading from the book) Young Waldere, (makes the trumpet fanfare with his mouth again) wishing to slay the evil dragon Fafner.

(He makes a weird noise to represent the dragon)

Pinkie Pie: Who?

Spike: The evil dragon Fafner

(He makes the dragon noise again)

Pinkie Pie: Oh yeah! Fafner.

Spike: (reading from the book) …disguised as the west wind (makes a noise to represent the wind) Waldere (makes the trumpet fanfare with his mouth again) takes his father's sword, Minning…

Pinkie Pie: Minning!

Spike: (reading from the book) …and surprises Fafner in his lair and slays him (poorly creates his own death scene) Where he is able to understand the speech of birds (tweets) Meanwhile, Waldere's father, Albrecht, disguised as the sacred goat (bleats) tells him the spirit of Gunther (poorly recreates Applejack's "oooo")

Pinkie Pie: Oh yeah! Gunther! I remember that one!

Spike: And then…

(Fluttershy enters)

Pinkie Pie: Hey, did you order for a pageboy?

Spike: No.

(Pinkie Pie looks closer)

Pinkie Pie: Larken? Is that you?

Fluttershy: Yes, your highness.

Pinkie Pie: What's the matter?

Fluttershy: Well…

Spike: I have a suit just like that one!

Fluttershy: I'm in disguise, your highness. You see, I was running away.

Pinkie Pie: Why don't you sit down?

Fluttershy: No, your highness, the queen has ordered me to—

Pinkie Pie: Never mind that! (She pushes Fluttershy into a stool) Now, I'll ask this again. What's the matter?

Fluttershy: Well, I (she starts to cry again) I'll just get my revenge some other way! He'll be sorry!

Spike: Who?

Fluttershy: Horrible Harry!

Spike: You mean, big nice Harry?

(Fluttershy walks closer to Spike, about to knock him out)

Pinkie Pie: Now wait a minute! Wait a minute! (To Fluttershy) What did you do to him?

Fluttershy: What did I do to HIM?

Pinkie Pie: Just speaking as I did once when I gave my brother a bloody nose and I didn't want to go home. It was on accident!

Fluttershy: Well, we just had a little disagreement.

Pinkie Pie: I see, so you decided to run away?

Fluttershy: Well he said some horrible things to me!

Pinkie Pie: I see; I guess the only thing that you could've done then is to just pack up and get out. OR you could've apologized. Harry really loves you, and we were on the road for two weeks and he never laid a finger on me!

Fluttershy: Oh, your highness!

(She tackle-glomps Pinkie Pie)

Pinkie Pie: Why don't you go and get into something pretty that… shows that you're a girl; and, Larken, try to remember to act a little… helpless. Colts don't like their mares a little too strong.

Spike: I DO!

(Pinkie Pie giggles)

Fluttershy: Oh, thank you, thank you! If my baby's a girl, I'm going to name her Fred!

(She exits)

Spike: (in confusion) but what if it's a boy?

Pinkie Pie: Dauntless, you better go to bed and leave the history book here.

Spike: I'm sure you're going to pass tomorrow, Fred. Well, I'm pretty sure. If you don't, I'll understand.

(He kisses Pinkie Pie on the cheek and exits. Pinkie Pie squee's and continues reading)

Pinkie Pie: And so, young Prince Waldere, having slaying the dragon, Fafner, rescued the Princess Griga, and together they mounted his horse, Triga, where they rode to the castle Bundevar, where they were married and lived happily ever after. Well I'm glad.

They all lived happily, happily, happily ever after

The couple is happily leaving the chapel eternally tied

As the curtain descends there is nothing but loving and laughter

When the fairy tale ends the heroine's always the bride

Ella the girls of the cinders did the wash and the walls and the winders

But she landed a prince who was brawny and blue-eyed and blonde

Still I honestly doubt that she could ever have done it without that

Crazy lady with the wand

Cinderella had outside help!

I have no one but me!

Fairy Godmother, Godmother, Godmother

Where can you be?

I haven't got a Fairy Godmother. I haven't even got a godmother. I have a mother; a plain, ordinary mare.

Snow White was so pretty, they tell us that the queen was insulted and jealous

When the mirror declared that Snow White was the fairest of all

She was dumped on the border, but was saved by some men who adored her

Oh I grant you, they were small

But there were seven of them! Practically a regiment!

I'm alone in the night

By myself, not a dwarf, not an elf,

Not a goblin in sight!

That girl had seven determined little men working day and night just for her. Oh sure, the queen gave her a poisoned apple, even so…

She lived happily, happily, happily ever after

A magical kiss counteracted the apple eventually

Though I know I'm not clever I'll do what they tell me I hafta

I want some happily ever after to happen to me

Rapunzel had platinum tresses that were double the length of her dresses

She was kept in a tower for years by a wicked old witch

'Til one night in despair down, she scrambled by letting her hair down

That's what I call, quite a switch

I wonder… no, that'll never do

I'll be finished before I begin

And besides, I don't wanna get out!

I wanna get in!

I wanna live happily, happily, happily ever after

I wanna walk happily out of the chapel eternally tied

But I know that I'll never live happily ever after

'Til after I'm the bride

And then I'll be happily happy

Yeah, happily happy

And thoroughly satisfied!

Yeah!

(She exits)