Chapter Two—Making booze and a chance meeting

I feel the need to push this entry forward a month, since it fits with what I was writing about earlier. This is, of course, the night Applejack and I got Rainbow Dash drunk.

Admittedly, I could have easily ended the distillation process in a day rather than a month. I could have done that, and risked poisoning our subject. As I said, this was my first time making booze. I would rather give myself a little bit of leeway should anything go wrong. And while I won't say I didn't test some of the brew myself, you can't prove anything anyway so shut up.

We decided to do it at the farm, as there would be fewer witnesses that way. Plus, Twilight wouldn't yell at us for being grossly irresponsible.

"Are you sure you want me to do this? This was Applejack's idea; why can't she test it?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Because, lass, this is an experiment. And she's helping me run it. It wouldn't do for a scientist to test a product on himself and then expect to be able to properly study the effects," I explained.

"Well, why is she helping you with this thing? I thought Twilight was the brainiac one!" she retorted.

"Because it's my apples he's using for the formula! It's also my apples that'll be making any more of this stuff, if we decide it's okay after you try it. So shut up and try it!"

"Now, a few disclaimers before we start. First, do not try to fly if you do get drunk. I cannot stress this enough. Do not fly! I don't know how this will affect you. I will tie your wings to your body if you start trying to fly. Second, I don't know how much of this it'll take you make you drunk. So we'll go with P for plenty. Third, if you need to, aim for the bucket. Fourth, don't blame me when you wake up."

"Wait, what were those last two?" she asked.

"Don't worry about it. Let's get started!" I passed her the first bucket of apple jack and she hesitantly started drinking.

"Hey, this isn't that bad!" With that, she started at it with a bit more gusto. The first bucket quickly emptied and I passed her the second one. "It's got a bit of a kick to it, though." She shuddered for a moment before starting on the second. She finished it and started on the third.

"Okay, after this one, I want you to try walking around." She was putting this stuff down. I was hoping I'd have enough left over for a personal stash, but at this rate I might not.

She finished it and sighed. I took the bucket. She took a step and immediately fell on her ass.

"So it turns out ponies can get drunk. Two buckets were probably enough… Interesting."

While I was noting my results and Applejack was laughing, Rainbow Dash was struggling to get up. "I mushta tripped on shometin'. Stupid farm." This was punctuated with another attempt at walking that somehow flipped her on her back.

"Slurred speech, trouble walking, impaired thinking… Well Applejack, we got Rainbow Dash drunk. Very drunk."

"What happens if she tries to fly? Think she might get hurt?"

"If she tried to fly, the moniker Rainbow Crash would be very appropriate. As to her getting hurt? Well, I think she has bones of steel. You and I have both seen her make crash landings that would kill a human, and she just shrugs them off." Titanium might be more appropriate, with the speed she flies.

"Well, what can we really do to her in this state? Admittedly it is funny watching her stumble about and fall, but we get to see her do those every day."

"Well, another stickling point about alcohol is that it supposedly lowers inhibitions. A lot. If you have any male ponies you want to play a great prank on, we could sic Rainbow Dash on them now and she might try to flirt with them. We just have to be ready to step in, in case it gets out of hand. Or we could play truth or dare with her to get her to do something funny or stupid or get some secrets out of her. As drunk as she is, it is improbable that she'll remember much in the morning."

"Yer saying she won't remember any of this?" she asked with a gleam in her eye.

"She probably won't remember any of this."

"Keep her here. Imma go get Big Macintosh! This is gonna be great!"

I feel that I should at this time point out that, despite my mandate, Rainbow Dash was trying to fly. I emphasize trying. I was watching her with some interest during the previous conversation, and noticed, much to my amusement, that she couldn't flap her wings in unison. When Applejack left, I walked up to her.

"H-how are you flying? You don't have any wings!" she yelled at me, perhaps thinking a rustling wind would otherwise steal her words.

"Special human trick," I winked. "Don't tell the others. It's my trump card." I love playing with drunk people. "I know you're probably not vey lucid right now, but how are you feeling?" I asked her, ready to write down a response.

"How am I feeling?" she slurred. "I'm the greatest flier ever, and I'm going full speed through the skies! How do you think I feel? It's amazing!" Subject feels elation and is having delusions. Interesting…

Our conversation continued much the same, until Applejack came back leading a large red stallion. I'm neither gay nor into bestiality, so I can't tell you if he was handsome or not. I did know, however, that as boozed up as she was I honestly don't think it would matter to Rainbow Dash.

"Did Applejack tell you why we needed you?" I asked him.

"Nope," he replied.

"Hm. Applejack, would you kindly go entertain Rainbow Dash for a sec? I'll explain the experiment to him."

"He don't need to know nothing to do this, other than that he needs to go flirt with her!" she retorted.

"Wh—" Macintosh started.

"Humor me, please. I really should tell him what's going on," I told her. She acquiesced with a few grumbles, but she finally went to occupy Rainbow Dash's interest.

Big Macintosh just looked at me. I guess he doesn't talk much.

"I'm testing a human drug on her. Basically, it lowers her inhibitions so she'll do things she wouldn't normally do. It's only temporary, so I would like to test the effects while I still can. We've tested a few things already, but we haven't tested her social inhibitions. Which is where you come in. If you could do some casual flirting and see how far you can get her, that would be a big help. She probably won't remember anything tomorrow, and if she does we'll just tell her it was part of the experiment."

"You want me to take advantage of her?" Longest sentence out of him yet.

"Don't worry about that. Applejack and I will be watching the entire time. We'll step in if things go too far, or don't appear to be going at all. If you don't trust me, you should be able to trust your sister."

He sighed and shrugged. "Okay."

"Great! Oh, and do try to make sure she doesn't either manage to fly or try to run off. Now, go tell your sister to come back, and start up a conversation. Do whatever it is that male ponies do to attract female ponies." He looked at me dubiously, but did as I asked.

When Applejack got back, I could see that she was trying hard not to laugh. "Oh, this is gonna be great!"

"Remember, not a word to the others. I sure as hell don't want to get in trouble for this. If anything goes bad, we blame Spike and hope we get off scot free."

"Why Spike?"

"Because I had his help making the brew. Long story. He doesn't know what plan we had for it, but he does know what it does. He almost blew half the lab up, with us in it, before I managed to get his mouth shut…"

We made more casual small talk as we watched Big Macintosh work his manly magic. Sadly, we were too far off to hear what they were saying, but we could see their reactions. Eventually our talk tapered off as we just watched in a bit of amazement. Macintosh was obviously uncomfortable, but it didn't look like Rainbow Dash noticed much. We could hear the too-loud drunken laughter from where we were.

"I'm willing to take that as a sign the experiment was a success. Think we should call it off now, before we risk it going too far?" I asked her.

"Naw, not yet. Big Macintosh… he doesn't get into town much, doesn't have much practice with the mares. This might give him some confidence."

"What works on a drunken Rainbow Dash probably won't work on most mares, but if you think it'll help, we can wait and see. I will cut it off if I think it's going too far."

As it turns out, I didn't have to. Big Macintosh did it himself, motioning us forward. We met him halfway.

"That was… interesting. Don't ask me to do it again." He was a very big pony. One I didn't like the idea of screwing with.

"Don't worry. I have no plans to make more of the drug. It is dangerous if not controlled." I looked pointedly at Applejack as I said that last bit. "How did your… conversation… go?"

"You were right about her inhibitions being lowered. You were wrong about needing a stallion." With that, he walked away. Well, there's another suspicion confirmed.

I looked at Applejack. "Not a word to anyone. Let's hope she doesn't remember this…"

I didn't hear her reply, as I suddenly saw Rainbow Dash stumble forward and not get up. Apparently, she finally passed out. I ran up to check on her, making sure her head wasn't facing up.

"What's wrong with her?" Applejack yelled, trotting up.

"She just passed out. That's a common side effect of too much alcohol. She should wake up in the morning with a splitting headache. I don't know if horses can throw up, but if you can she probably will. She'll need several buckets of water, too. If you have either an empty bed or an empty hay stack in the barn I can stay the night and make sure she's fine in the morning."

"Do you wanna just… leave her here? That seems a bit dangerous."

"If you want to move her anywhere, we'll have to drag her. I'm not strong enough to lift up a bloody pony. Though she would probably recuperate better without the sun in her eyes when she wakes up."

"Maybe I wasn't clear. Wherever she sleeps is where we'll be sleeping."

I sighed.

We dragged her into the house.

I fear it is time for a small, personal, intermission. You see, I discovered near the end of my first week in pony land another reason for my massive sleep deprivation. Or rather, rediscovered.

I have terrible, terrible dreams. The nightmares, you see, I can deal with. No, the nightmares weren't really the problem.

Most of my dreams were happy. They were so sweet that I couldn't bear to wake up for fear of losing them. Every night I would have beautiful dreams. Every day I would wake up, losing a part of myself in the lost happiness. I became dead to the world, doing everything I could to just remember fragments, memories of a world where I didn't have such a crushing weight on me.

So I decided to get as little sleep as I could. I had read—of course I had read, what else would I be doing with my time?—that going to sleep completely exhausted would mean few to no dreams. I killed the dreams, I saved my mind, but at the cost of my body.

By the time I was pulled into Equestria, I had been so long without the dreams I had forgotten them. It wasn't until my sleep schedule started to readapt that I started to dream again. When they first started, I figured they couldn't harm me anymore, as I was in what appeared to be a world carved of raw happiness.

God, how wrong I was. Soon the dreams became tantalizing glimpses of home: technology, people, family, friends, girls I had known… The girls were the worst.

The first night I found myself haunted by the dream of a girl I once thought I loved, I discovered a newfound interest in the history of magic in Equestria. It was the first book I found in the library, and it served well enough as a tool for forgetting.

Spike was the first one up. As soon as he saw me sitting near a window, squinting to read in the weak light, he asked, "Why are you up this early? Usually you sleep in late."

"Hiding from the dreams… They can't find me if I'm not asleep."

"You're scared of some bad dreams?"

"You forget how bad my world is, lad."

"You never did tell me much about your world. I asked you once, and you started saying something weird about economies and politics and something or another…"

"You are young, yet. I suppose I could tell you some stories, though. It is not all bad." I put the book down and told him the good of our world. I painted him a picture of a technological wonderland, of cities that never sleep, of medical marvels that can sometimes bring the dead back to life, of love, of unparalleled knowledge, of airplanes that flew the skies and submarines that plunged into the depths, of the connection of the entire world through the beautiful and terrible collective called the internet, of landscapes so serene you could sit for hours and hear nothing but the sweet call of birds, of the system of democracy, of freedom of choice. I talked to Spike as the sun slowly peeked through the clouds. I was so lost in my words that I didn't even notice a sleepy-eyed Twilight joining us, listening to my tale with muted wonder.

I finished with this: "When I said I was hiding from my dreams, Spike, I didn't mean nightmares. There was just as much beauty in my world as there was terror. When I dream, I see not the terror of the world I left, but the beauty I lost. I fear I will become more and more a night person as I struggle to deal with the memories I have…"

At her touch, I finally noticed Twilight. I could look into her eyes and read her thoughts, but that didn't stop her from voicing them: "I've already apologized as much as I can, Navarone. Princess Celestia and I have both been thinking of ways to send you back. However, there appears to be nothing at all we can do… I want you to know that we're all here for you, though. You can tell us anything."

I nodded and sat back, feeling more tired than ever.

But I digress enough. That little intermission was just a way to explain why I found myself pacing around Applejack's farm late at night. It was a typical fall night, and colder than an ex-wife's heart, but it was much preferable to trying to fight sleep in the warm house. I was cresting a hill, wondering when I could put my fear of the past behind me, when I heard a slight whooshing sound, and a louder crunch of cold dirt behind me.

Without turning, I said, "Nice night. Bit cold, though. Way too cold to be flying, I'd say."

A small silence, what I was guessing as shock. Then, deciding to play my game, a youngish and feminine voice replied, "Aye, 'tis a bit cold. Though the beautiful night makes the flight worth it…"

"Shame we have a new moon. I would love to see this area in its light."

"We don't know about that. The stars are light enough, and there are many activities one could hide in the dim light of a new moon." We?

"My lady, I am no thief, unless you find yourself wanting a heart stolen."

"Oh? We see thou walking away from a farmhouse near a forest of evil, late at night, a night we might add that is darker from a new moon. Thou art also a creature of a like we have never seen before, which is saying something. Thou may not be a thief, but thou do appear to be fleeing. What dark scene will we see if we return to the house thou left behind?"

I turned at this, thinking her insulting me. I could see nothing of her but a silhouette, however. A silhouette and a gleaming smile. She appeared to be a dark pegasus. When she shifted her head, however, I saw a glimmer of a horn and gasped. I am rarely speechless, but I have to admit I was incredibly surprised at this one.

"Don't worry, Navarone. Our sister told us about thou. We know what thou art."

I mumbled something, still surprised.

"Everypony we've met seems to have the same reaction to us. Are we so terrifying?"

"Surprising is more like it," I finally managed to say. "I wasn't expecting to find one of the princesses of the realm out in the middle of an orchard late at night. Alone, at that."

"We are hardly alone, Navarone. We just left our escort back a ways, since they seem so often to drive ponies away in fear. We don't know why… We are their princess! They should trust us!" she finished in a booming voice, making me wince.

"Well, it might have something to do with the loud voice, or your use of 'we' instead of 'I.' I don't know how fashions go, here, but I don't imagine such things are still terribly popular."

"Tradition demands it!" she continued in her booming voice. "The only reason we stooped to thy casual speak is because thou initiated it."

"Traditions change. Why stick to an outdated system when it makes your subjects uncomfortable?"

"Why should we be forced to change to their desires? We art royalty!"

I hope Equestria doesn't have executioners… "Because you can force obedience, but not love or loyalty. You can make your people obey you, but you can't make them love you. Forcing them to adapt to traditions older than any of their memories will not endear them to you."

She stood to her tallest height, which put her head a few inches over mine. Enough for her to think she had some manner of intimidation effect, I suppose; the only thing I was afraid of was her magic, or perhaps her ability to order me killed. "Thou art insolent! Disrespectful! And…" she said, lowering her head a bit and dropping the booming effect, "correct, we fear. We—I—have visited a few small townships, here and there. Usually late at night, and during festivals or some such. They flee at the sight of us—my escort and I, in this case."

"You also have to remember that until a few months ago, you were sort of their biggest boogeyman. No matter how hard you try, most ponies will take some manner of time to get used to you."

"And yet th—you—seem fine with us—me. Dost thine heart hold no fear?"

"Not hardly. I just wasn't around when you were to be feared. As far as I'm concerned, you were always Princess Luna. Though I do have to admit, I am very honestly surprised to see you. What would bring you here, now?"

"We—I, sorry—travel the countryside, looking for anypony awake at this hour. 'Twas just happenstance that found us together this night."

"You'd probably be better off searching cities for anyone still awake. Some cities back in my world never sleep."

"I tried… It didn't turn out well. Cities may not sleep, but they are not suited for those of us that have been away from everything for a thousand years. At least, not yet."

"Things aren't going to revert any time soon, lass." Her eyes flared when I called her lass. She would be the first one I've spoken to that knew the term, if she did. I kept going, though. "If you don't learn to accept new things, you'll never find any friends, and having fun will be nigh impossible."

Her eyes looked confused for a second. "Fun? What is this fun?"

"You don't… Huh. Have you ever played a game or performed in some manner of competition?"

She shook her head. "Such is not for royalty, Navarone. What if we were to lose?"

"Fun comes from the risk of loss or failure. Winning is all well and good, but what's the point of even trying if you already know you'll come out on top? I understand that a princess isn't supposed to be inferior than a subject at anything, but the truth of the matter is that you'll never be the best at everything."

She paused for a moment. "Tell me more about this… fun."

"Uh… Well, take the prank a friend and I just pulled on another friend. Got her drunk off her ass. She was doing all manner of funny things: Flapping her wings out of sync, falling on her face every time she tried to walk, slurring her speech and falling for anything you told her. She told us some interesting things she didn't want anyone to know. Some might consider it mean, but after some of her pranks it's fair to say she deserves a big doozy to get back at her. It's all in good fun."

"I don't know why a pony was riding a donkey, but none of what you said really sounds that… enjoyable."

I waved my hand. "It's situational. You wouldn't know Rainbow Dash, so it doesn't make as much sense. That's the only real story I have from this world; I've been trapped in a bloody library for most of a month, since so few of the bloody ponies trust me."

"We—Celestia and I—could give out a royal edict declaring you to be safe. You are safe, correct?"

"I see no reason to hurt someone if they haven't done anything to me. Nothing to gain from it. But no, keep your edicts. I might be able to walk freely around town, but that won't mean I won't be looked at crosswise. If they can't learn to trust me themselves, no amount of royalty will ever change their minds."

She snorted. "Things have changed. I was never as loved as Celestia, but nor was I ever this feared. And if ponies can't even trust royal announcements, what can they trust?"

"They can trust friends. If you were to get to know some of your people, they would likely trust you more."

She opened up with her booming voice again, "They always flee before they can know us! How can we make friends if they do not meet us halfway?"

I can practically feel the headsman's axe. "You are hardly meeting them halfway, with that voice. Just being there isn't enough. You have to participate, mingle. Stopping with that mind shattering voice might help, as I have already said. No one likes being yelled at. You say you go to festivals and the like. Go to one of those and ask—politely—if you can play some games or something. Hell, I think there's some manner of festival going on in Ponyville in a few weeks. I'm sure no one would mind if you showed up, as long as you honestly tried to meet them halfway."

She dropped the booming. "And what, pray tell, would that include?"

"No yelling. Try not to use archaic grammar or the royal we. Act like a person trying to make friends rather than a princess."

"And how does a… person go about making friends?"

"Bugger all if I know. I just sort of fell into most of mine. If you met me outside of town, I could bring Twilight or one of the other relatively normal ponies to meet you. You'll receive a much better hearing if you're in their company."

"Tell me about this festival."

I shrugged. "I don't know much about it. From what I've heard, it's analogous to my people's Halloween. That means there will be costumes and candy and 'scary' stuff. I was planning on spending all night with Rainbow Dash, pulling pranks and scaring the shit out of people, but helping you seems like a more noble cause."

She gave me a somewhat stern and very womanly look for that. I shrugged. "Tell me where to meet you, then, Navarone. I will learn more about this festival, and we might meet you when the sun sets."

The only landmark outside of town that I really knew very well was Fluttershy's humble home. I told her where it was. "The pony that lives there is… well, 'coward' doesn't begin to cover it. If you can befriend her, you can befriend anyone. We used her to prove to the ponies in town that I'm not a monster. That helped a lot, but it wasn't enough to fully gain their trust."

"And this pony, she will give me a fair chance?"

"She gave me one, and I look a lot more like a villain than you do. I'll warn her you're coming, so it shouldn't be much of a shock."

"Where can I find you if I wish to discuss this ahead of time?"

"I don't sleep all that well; there's a better than even chance I'll be sitting in Twilight's library, reading some manner of book. It's the large tree near the middle of Ponyville. You are welcome to come by any time, as far as I'm concerned. We might have to go on a walk, though, to avoid waking Twilight or Spike up."

"We are more comfortable with the open sky above our head." She flinched, realizing what she had said. "This will take some getting used to."

"As long as you are making an effort to change, I'm sure most ponies will be fine. Some might be confused, but whatever."

"What do you have in mind for if this plot fails? Or makes things worse?"

"I'll figure something out. I'm good at dealing with chaos. Or if I can't do it, I'm sure Twilight can. Her plans are generally too meticulous to fail, as long as she has time enough in which to execute it properly."

"I will take your assurance on this matter, then, Navarone. Until we meet again." She spread her wings wide and jumped straight into the air. Another thing we need to work on: Her stuffiness.

The rest of that night passed mostly uneventfully, with the exception of nearly twisting my ankles in some of the ruts worked into the farmland.

Morning found me curled up in the guest bed Applejack designated for me. When I asked her about the shitload of rooms she had, she mentioned something about harvest. We were busy lugging an unconscious pegasus at the time, so I wasn't really paying much attention. Knowing how that girl feels about her apples and her trees, she probably stores the apples in those rooms and puts them to bed during harvest. Why else she would need such a large farmhouse for four ponies is beyond me.

Knowing nothing about the house other than the way in and out, I just laid back and waited. With my luck I would have wound up in someone else's room, or seeing something I shouldn't see. I don't know, a sacrificial altar to the apple gods or something. I heard someone bustling about below. It was a farmhouse, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that people were up early.

Now, what did surprise me was an assault by a blur of yellow that coalesced into a small pony called Applebloom. This was Applejack's little sister, a small lass always looking for a way to get her Cutie Mark, which is a tattoo ponies get on their ass that marks their lot in life. Sounds too confining to me, and I've brought that up, but no one else seems to think so.

I had met her a few times before, and each time she seemed to be trying some new harebrained scheme with two friends. Tried dragging me in once… They relented when I told them they were too small to be Amazon warrior ponies.

"Get up, sleepy head!" she yelled at me, pouncing on my bed.

"I am awake, pipsqueak. Who else is awake? I heard someone else moving around."

"I ain't gonna tell you. You gotta tell me what you did to Rainbow Dash, first. She isn't awake yet, but she looks awful…"

"Rainbow Dash helped us with an experiment. I don't suggest being around when she wakes up. It will be… unpleasant."

"What did you do to her?"

"Ask your sister. If she thinks you should know, she'll tell you. As it stands, I don't. I will tell you this, though: Don't look to get your cutie mark that way, since that was a single run experiment. We won't be doing it again."

"Awww… You old ponies take all the fun out of everything!" Not quite a pony, but whatever.

"If you knew some of the things I considered fun, you wouldn't be so sad about that. Anyway, who else is awake?"

"Just Big Macintosh and me, so far. And you, I guess. Applejack is usually awake by now, I don't know why she's still asleep."

"Let her sleep, I say. I'll probably wander off to Rainbow Dash's room in a bit. She'll wake up feeling terrible, disoriented, and confused, which is not a good combination for someone like her that can fly."

"Don't you want breakfast? I helped make it!"

Remembering stories I had heard about her, I somewhat ungraciously declined. "Religious reasons. Can't eat this early in the morning."

"What's… religious?"

"…Never mind."

A few hours later found Applejack and me in front of a finally stirring Rainbow Dash.

"Remember, talk quietly. She'll probably hurt enough," I whispered. Applejack nodded.

Rainbow Dash groaned, tried to open her eyes, saw the glare of the sun, and immediately forced them shut. She croaked, "What… what happened? Everything hurts…"

"Mornin', sunshine!" Applejack boomed. Rainbow Dash winced and I glared at Applejack. She just smiled and whispered, "Couldn't help it…"

"Anyway," I said quietly, "the experiment was a success. And we'll never do that again. We'll talk about it later after you feel a bit better. We've arranged some things that'll help you. Namely, a few empty buckets and some buckets of water. Drink all the water you can hold, then drink some more. Come down when you stop feeling like death. Until then, call if you need anything."

"Yeah, we'll send Big Macintosh to help you…" Applejack teased.

"Why would you send him? This whole mess is your fault," Rainbow Dash replied.

"So she doesn't remember! This will be fun!" Applejack said.

"Don't remember what?" Rainbow Dash groaned.

Before Applejack could respond, I said, "Rainbow Dash, recuperate. Stop talking unless it's important. And do your best not to think, as that will make it hurt worse. The water will help." Applejack and I stepped out.

"Wait, remember what? What did I—" That last was cut off by a closing door.

"That was mean," I said.

"Maybe, but it was also funny!"

"You raise a good point."

After another awkward wait, spent with both of us being pestered by Applebloom, Rainbow Dash tenderly extricated herself from her room.

The first thing she said: "Never. Again." The second thing she said: "Seriously. Never again." The third: "Now, what happened? I don't remember anything after getting to the farm."

"Nothing much," I told her. "We tested your ability to talk and to think rationally, we let Macintosh flirt with you, we let you try to fly, and we let you try to walk. You weren't able to fly or walk, and your attempts were very humorous. Your speech was slurred, and your mind wandered a lot."

"Wait, what was that second one?" she asked.

"We let you try to fly. Your head is still probably fuzzy. I'm certain it hurts."

"I don't think that's what you said… Did you really let—"

"And now you're being paranoid. Applejack, mark it down as another symptom, would you?" She pretended to write something down, which is interesting, as she has no thumbs. Or paper. Or a pencil…

Rainbow Dash gave us the oddest look I've ever seen. I swear she thought we were retarded at that point. We both looked back as innocently as we could.

"…So when can I leave?" she asked.

"If you really feel up to flying, you can leave whenever. Just be careful. The bright light will be painful and disorienting at first. Thanks for your help."

"You're not welcome. I don't know why you had to have me for this experiment!"

"We had to have you because Twilight or Rarity would be too dangerous with their magic, Fluttershy would be too afraid to take the risk, and Pinkie Pie would be very, very, very scary if she got drunk. I've heard your stories about her manic depressive states. Alcohol could seriously unbalance her."

"Then you better not be making any more of this stuff, especially if it's as popular at parties as you say."

"Don't worry. I have no intentions of making more."

"Good. I'll see you both later." With that, she walked out and very unsteadily took off.

"I feel like we should feel guilty for this," I said.

"Nah. She wasn't permanently hurt."

"We did sort of accidentally make her reveal a secret she didn't want to."

"Yeah, but it's a useful secret to know."

"For you, maybe. I left most of my scheming behind me back on Earth. I have no intention to get back into that game." Not entirely true, but I really didn't feel like using anything against Rainbow Dash. It wasn't my business to do so. We parted company soon after. I didn't mention Luna's visit to her.

Nothing much really happened in the month preceding this. The ponies got used to seeing me around, and stopped flinching when I made sudden movements. Twilight started to let me out alone. God, that makes me sound like a pet… But it's the truth. The ponies were afraid of me. Those that never talked to me, at least. After the lesson about Zecora, a lot of them seemed ready to talk, if not necessarily willing.

Spike's birthday was a small high point, but I'm not much a fan of parties like that. He almost had a fit when I told him to stop being a greedy bugger and dragged him away from trying to steal a ball as a 'gift,' but he got over it.

I also taught Pinkie all manner of human vegetarian recipes. I wasn't able to remember most of them perfectly, and I wasn't exactly a chef to begin with, but she was able to recreate all kinds of good stuff just from what I was able to remember. Enough that she was able to convince her employers—a husband and wife with the last name Cake—to offer them on the side instead of just having desserts. I don't think they got very popular, but a lot of them did have a niche crowd that were willing to try new things.

Upon learning about my experiment, if not all the results, Twilight was not overly pleased. She knew, of course, that I was planning something, but she did not know what and against whom.

"She could have been hurt!"

"Yes, she could have. However, even your experiments with magic run a risk of hurting someone. Unlikely, of course, but possible. I have heard stories, back where I came from, of people getting horses drunk. I must admit, the truth of it was a lot funnier than the stories were. Though maybe that's just because my experiment was on a sentient being…"

"This isn't a joke, you know! She could have been hurt!"

"You already said that, and I already admitted to you being correct. Done is done, though. And at least now I know where I won't be starting a life in this new world. Not like you ponies need booze anyway. I can't imagine many of you having terrible things in your past you want to forget."

"That doesn't mean it's okay."

"I know. I stand by it. I'm more interested in what happened after, anyway."

"Oh? And what could have been interesting enough to take your mind off a 'valuable experiment'?"

"Oh, Rainbow Dash had already passed out by then. I was walking around the fields when Princess Luna dropped by and started talking to me."

"Princess Luna!? What was she doing out there?"

"Looking for someone to talk to. She thought I was one of her subjects. Which I guess, in a way, I am now. Anyway, we got to talking. She's very lonely, apparently. I invited her here to talk to me, if she's ever in the neighborhood and I'm still awake. I also invited her to the festival coming up in a few weeks. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't know… The last time I had dealings with her was when she was evil and trying to press eternal darkness on the land."

"Then it sounds to me like you could do with talking to her, as well. She sounded lonely when I was talking to her. The poor girl wants friends, and her past mistakes have alienated her from the entire pony community, aside from her sister. I wasn't around when that event thing happened, so I can honestly talk to her with no feeling of fear or residual mistrust. She needs some way to make friends and meet her subjects. I figured this party thing would be a decent way to do that. We might have to help her a bit, though. Her speech patterns haven't changed in a thousand years. She uses archaic grammar and occasionally lapses into a booming voice."

"Princess Luna is welcome here, as far as I'm concerned, and we can hopefully help her. You'll have to tell me more about your plans for the Nightmare Night Festival."

"It's called what." It didn't come out as a question.

Twilight saw it as a question, of course. Any chance to explain some obscure tradition was good in her books. It was, as I said, analogous to Halloween. The added bit was that not dressing up would cause Nightmare Moon to come and eat you, or something. Near the end of the night, a wee bit of candy each child collected is donated as a sacrifice to a Nightmare Moon statue or something.

Now, anyone reading this should be able to see a bit of a problem here. Luna was coming to this festival dedicated to being afraid of her alternate personality. I tried explaining this dilemma to Twilight.

"She's not Nightmare Moon anymore, Nav," was the answer. "And we'll be able to help her prepare for the visit when she meets us at Fluttershy's home. Which was a good choice, by the way, if what you say about Princess Luna's voice is true. Fluttershy can help her learn to speak gently. It'll be fine, Nav. And you made the right choice, inviting her."

I shrugged. "Too late to recall the invite anyway. I quite like having my head attached to the rest of my body."

"That's the spirit! Now, care to help me and Spike with some chores?"

I'll be the first to admit: I was surprised when Princess Luna actually did come by. I was more surprised that it was the first night after the offer. I said as much as I reached up to grab my coat for a walk.

"We had a bit of free time. There's not much to rule over when the kingdom is sleeping. If there was any real emergency, the courtiers would rather wake my sister than bring it to me, anyway," she answered, with more than a little bitterness.

It was a bit of a chilly night. A pale mist greeted every word. The weak street lights barely lit the road, while the nearly empty moon reflected gently off the glass windows. It was a night the likes of which I had rarely greeted back on my world.

"Surely you could deal with a big incident just as well as your sister. You've both spent a long time ruling, despite your small hiatus. Besides, anyone with a small lick of common sense can dictate orders around. What takes the skill is carrying them out. Though maybe that's just bias from living so long in a democratic system."

"Democracy… I read a mention of that in one of Twilight's letters about you, but she didn't go into detail."

"It is a form of government by the people. The people are allowed to vote on the issues, and whoever they want to rule them. There is a very big problem with a democracy, however. It allows the majority complete control. If the majority of people decided, for example, to ban reading because they don't like it, the minority has no power to stop it. That is why my people created the idea of a republic. A republic is a democracy with limits. Everyone has certain rights that cannot be taken from them. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, stuff like that. People elect a small number of people to represent them as they vote on issues that just about anyone can put forward. No one can put into action anything that denies anyone any of the unalienable rights, however. It was a system designed by a people that had been abused by a monarchy. It allows for the changing of leaders every certain number of years, with systems in place if that leader needs to be removed sooner. I have thought long and hard on it, and can see no reason ponies would ever need such a system, or any way to make it applicable here anyway."

"Why is that?"

"Everyone here has an assigned role in life. They may pick it themselves, but it will be something they will always be able to do. This includes the leaders. Why would ponies need to vote in new leaders if the only leaders they get are born to them? And why would they need a new ruler if they ones they have are wonderful, eternal, and benevolent? It's a perfect system that couldn't exist on my world."

"I see. So why bring it up at all?"

"I mentioned it to Twilight, or maybe Spike, before I knew much about your people. And then you asked about it. I was merely doing my civic duty and informing my princess on a matter she was ignorant about."

I could tell that if she had hands she would punch me. I decided to throw her off before she thought about kicking at my shins.

"Do your feet get cold in the weather, or do the hooves protect them well?"

"I'm very used to the cold. Remember, I spent a thousand years on the moon."

"That hardly answered my question."

"Yes, my feet do get cold. I imagine yours do as well, silly protection or not."

"Back where I come from, we don't get much cold weather. It rarely dips below freezing. No one here knows how to make human shoes, so I'm forced to wear the summer shoes I had back home. I'm freezing."

She looked alarmed at that. "Then why are we walking out here? You should be inside, near a fire!"

I shrugged. "I don't want to wake Twilight or Spike, and this helps keep me awake better than a warm fire would. Besides, you don't seem to mind it too much, and you prefer the night sky. I see no reason it should bother me."

"Are all humans this stubborn?"

"I think one day you might find that it's all men that are this stubborn, at least when they see themselves in the right. Or maybe it's all human men."

She harrumphed.

"Oh, and that does remind me of something, actually," I said. "I heard one of Twilight's friends talking about Princess Celestia having a nephew. If you were trapped on the moon for a thousand years, how does that work out?"

"She runs an adoption agency. I don't know why they all started calling her Auntie Celestia, but she decided not to stop it, so they all became her nieces and nephews. That said, there aren't that many orphans in Equestria, so not many go through her agency."

"That cleared a bit up. I was thinking there had to be a third sister no one ever mentioned."

We walked in silence for a bit, before the possible implications of what I said hit me.

Sure enough, she asked, "Did you leave anypony important to you behind on your world?"

This could end badly… "Just family. I never made many friends. If my school wasn't so small, I'm sure my disappearance wouldn't have even been noted, other than the noticeable lack of something not keeping the teachers on their toes. The only thing I was known for at my school was my scathing and sarcastic wit, directed at anyone that made themselves an enemy. To be quite honest, I consider the spell that brought me here more of a kindness to myself and to the world I left behind."

"And what of us? Do you consider yourself such a plight on our kind?"

"To be honest, yes, but in a different way. I am a corrupting influence on your people. I try not to be, but much of what I say drives people to think, and many of those thoughts aren't always pleasant. They drive people to my world, to the unhappiness I left behind, rather than to the peace that is their own. This is a good thing in that it will help them mature, but that is a bad thing because they have no reason to mature. I try not to do it to them, but I try to answer every question anyone asks. Just a few hours ago, I had to stop myself from answering a question Twilight asked, for fear of taking her mind to places it doesn't need to go. I want the ponies to continue living in relative harmony with their world. I just say things another human would take for granted, but you ponies don't think like we do."

"It is a shame you're so hurt over this. You seem to be fighting yourself so hard that you are not willing to let anypony near you for fear of them getting hurt."

"Is it so bad that I care so much of them that I'd rather they avoid me to not get hurt?"

"Everypony is their own pony. By denying them the right to be near you, you hurt them before you even get to know them. How will you ever find somepony that can help you if you refuse to let anypony in?"

"You've been talking to Twilight, haven't you?" She smiled. "There's a lot more to it than that, but you are right. In my world… In my world, I saw no reason to ever try to let anyone in. I was not unique. I was not special. I was one man among billions. Here, though… Here, I am the sole representative of my race. I have no excuse to wallow in self-pity. I am not, nor will I probably ever be, much of a people person, but I will try to make friends in this world. True friends, I mean, not just people that I know that are occasionally useful."

"And you'll start with me!"

"Yes, lass. And I'll start with you." Sappy, I know, but I felt it was the right thing to say. "Now, though, I fear there is a bit I must share with you about the festival." I told her what I knew about it.

She listened in silence for a bit. When I finished, I could tell she wanted to use her booming voice, but forced herself quiet. "We did not expect this," was her first response. "But then, we were also a villain for a good while…" She sighed. "We are not surprised. I am not surprised. Disappointed, perhaps, but not surprised. I suppose I shall find friends elsewhere."

She raised her wings to go. "Hold on, princess," I said. She stopped, looking at me. "You aren't Nightmare Moon. You are Princess Luna. This festival isn't about you. It is about what you were, not who you are."

"We—I—will think about it. Thank you, Navarone. Friend." She took off.

Could have gone worse, I guess.